Washington Square on air is the audio town square for the Washington Square Review, Lansing Community College's literary journal.

Writers, readers, scholars, publishing professionals, citizens of the world gather here and chat about all things writing.

Hey there.

This is Melissa Ford Lucken, editor for the Washington School Square Review.

I'm here today with Sashi Kilkarni, and she's one of the poets for our summer 24 issue.

Hey there.

Welcome.

Hi.

Thank you so much for having me.

Sure.

We're really excited about having your poem leaving in our journal.

Can you tell us a little bit about the poem?

How did you come to write it?

Yeah, so this poem actually started off as an assignment during my MFA program for translation class.

And during that class, we talked about the idea of exile and having something missing from inside of us and, like, not having a sense of home.

And a lot of our assignments were kind of centered around exploring that theme.

So this idea for a poem came to me because, well, first of all, the assignment was due, and I was really wondering how this experience of leaving my home to go to college early had affected me and how kind of the conflicts in my personal life that led me to that decision, this kind of processing all my feelings around them.

That makes sense.

That's an interesting thing when you hear about someone that actually publishes something that comes from an MFA assignment, because a lot of times we're given assignments when we're working on the degree, asked to do something, and it really just ends up being a.

And exploration.

At what point did you start to feel like what you had was more than just the product of an assignment?

So I think it came from a really honest place.

I don't actually tend to write poetry that often.

It's only when I have something that I need to process, and I just need to get to the heart of the issue.

So as I was going back through my assignments and just being like, okay, you have to start submitting something, anything at all, out into the world.

This piece really stood out to me because I don't think I've written anything else like it, especially in my fiction work that tends to be, you know, disguised in layers and layers of fiction and craft and plot and characters.

And this one was just me.

That's fascinating.

Did you feel vulnerable sharing it in class?

Yeah, absolutely.

I would think so.

It's the way you're describing it.

It was a lot of your own personal background, your own kind of unresolved, unfiltered emotions down on the page.

And so that sounds like that would be very intimidating to put it out there.

Thankfully, this was my last semester of my MFA.

I was already pretty close with all my cohort.

Our professor did an amazing job of just fostering this environment where self exploration and trying new things and just being as vulnerable with your work as you can be.

And it was just this really welcoming environment.

And, you know, it was towards the end of the semester, I was just like, well, I know these people.

They're not going to be like, oh, my God.

Ew, girl, what's wrong with you?

So that really helped me to just, like, put it out there and be like, ooh, I've had a feeling once before.

I'm really interested about what you said about the instructor creating a welcoming and fostering environment for the workshop, because a lot of times in writing programs, we hear about the opposite, where it can end up kind of hostile and frightening.

Looking back, can you figure out what it is that the instructor did that promoted that welcoming environment?

Yeah.

So I think he did a really good job of keeping all critiques and all discussion related to the work and just looking at what was on the page and nothing else and kind of making it a little bit less personal.

So kind of just having that separation between, like, this is a piece of work that I've made, and this is me as a person.

It really helped just, like, deescalate that situation and make it so that if there were negative critiques of the work, it would be, this is what is not working for me.

This is how you can improve on that.

And it was never like, ew.

Like, there's.

It's a personal attack or anything.

Yeah, that's kind of one of the dark secrets of MFA programs is that the workshopping can get really dicey and difficult, and it can pop up out of nowhere.

Cause I've interviewed a lot of people, and they talk about it.

So I'm really happy to hear that you had a really positive experience and that the poem came out of it, and we got the poem, so it's a win win for all of us, and I'm interested.

You said that this poem was different from your other work.

Tell us a little bit about your other work.

Yeah, so, my other work kind of deals with.

Well, it's fiction, mostly.

So it deals with characters who struggle to find themselves, in a way, they are coming of age stories, stories about letting things that don't serve them go.

I guess this is kind of related to, like, letting something that doesn't serve you go.

But as a fiction writer, I can be like, oh, no, it's all pretend I made it up.

I was just having fun with the story.

And this one not so much.

I mean.

Mm hmm.

Yeah, I hear what you're saying.

That the poem also, it's shorter, it's smaller, it's more concentrated.

A work of fiction is longer and stretched out, so there's typically more themes and more emotions involved.

Tell us a little bit about one of the fiction projects that you're working on.

Yeah.

So recently I have been interested in body and sport.

So I have been writing a little bit about a figure skater who is kind of aging out of the sport, so to speak, and her developing relationship with herself and letting something that was her entire life for who knows how long, just kind of understanding that as an adult rather than having that be, like, an all consuming childhood activity or hobby.

That's fascinating.

That comes back to this idea of leaving something behind.

Sometimes you leave something behind willingly, and other times you don't have a choice.

So it sounds like your character really doesn't have a choice.

Yeah.

So, I mean, figure skating, if you've seen it on tv, is such a young sport.

There's so many teenagers, like, 16 to 17 years old.

And once you kind of leave that window, what happens to all the adults who still love the sport but they know that they're not competitive anymore?

Just, it's an interesting thing to explore.

It is.

That's intense.

How did you do the research for it?

Well, I was a figure skater, so some of it, again, is just from personal experience.

You know, is it writing?

Is it therapy?

We'll never know.

And just kind of exploring that.

As I get older, I got into coaching a little bit.

I still skate, but, you know, it's kind of letting go.

That perfect fantasy that everyone has of, like, I'm going to win a gold medal at the Olympics, I'm going to go to the Grand Prix and kind of just expectation adjusting.

So you feel like you were able to use some of your own personal experience in the character, the development of the character.

Yeah.

So what about the character is different from you?

Well, she is obviously a much better athlete than I ever was, and I think she's also just more.

Let me think of a way to put this.

She's holding on a lot tighter than I did.

She, like, has this idea of who she is, and it's wrapped up entirely and her identity as an athlete, and she's just having a hard time letting go and, like, seeing people younger than her come up in the sport and then surpass her level and she's just kind of stuck in a way.

That sounds intense.

It sounds like you took your experience and then amplified it.

Yeah.

A lot of my characters start off as just like me, and then they grow and they become something else entirely.

Right?

For sure.

Have you ever had a character start off as kind of a composite of a couple people that, you know, and then again, as you write it, the character involves into their own self, which.

Is pretty funny when it comes to other people.

I never realized that it's other people until I'm like, oh, like someone's gonna get mad about this.

Have you ever written someone into your story, used them as an inspiration and had them find themselves in your work?

Yeah.

So when I was like, I think, eleven or twelve, I used my best friend's name in the story, and I put it through, like, layers and layers of just nicknaming and re nicknaming.

And she was like, hey, what's going on here?

Like, I said that to you last week.

What's going on?

I was like, no, absolutely not.

It's not you.

She was your earliest critic, your reviewer.

Yeah.

Did you write a lot as a young child?

I think I started writing a lot around the time I got into middle school, and it was kind of, you know, just a little bit less socially acceptable to play pretend at recess.

Yeah, but writing is still pretend, so you're just doing it in wrong.

I found a new way to play pretend.

And you started off with stories then?

I did.

Okay.

And then talk a little bit about your writing journey from that point all the way to the MFA program.

How did you.

Did you stay with writing consistently or did you, did the figure skating get in the way?

So writing was kind of what I did in the back row of all my boring classes when I didn't really feel like paying attention.

But it was, like, never something I took seriously.

It was just, like, from this desire to entertain myself.

And then in high school, we started, like, a writing club, and it was me and, I think, three or four other girls, and we just share what we've been working on over, like, our long lunch breaks.

And that was it.

No workshop, just, like, sharing it and putting it out there, which really helped me just, like, build up the courage to be like, oh, this is something I've done because I think it takes a lot of courage to write something down and then put it out into the world.

It does?

Yeah, it does.

Yeah.

And then everyone, of course, like, they see a kid who's into English and writing, and they're like, you should go to law school.

So, of course, I was like, you know what?

I could be a lawyer.

They have cute outfits.

And considering the fact that that was the extent of my exploration, it didn't really work out when I started studying for the LSAT.

There is a lot of reading and writing in that work.

So to be fair.

Yeah.

So, to be fair, it's like all the adults in my life, they were right in a way.

And then I realized that I hate arguing with people, and I hate disagreeing with people, and it stresses me out, and it's awful.

There's a lot of reality involved in law and fiction writing.

Not so much.

Not so much.

So I took a year off after my undergrad.

I studied political science, and I was just like, I don't know what to do anymore.

And during that year off, I was working part time.

I was writing a lot.

And I think the idea came to me half formed as all my ideas come to me.

And I was like, well, like, the worst thing they can say is no.

Like, you might as well shoot your shot.

So I applied to a bunch of MFA programs, and then I got in.

Like, somehow, by just a brilliant stroke.

Of luck, you were probably writing good stuff that may have contributed to it.

Just saying.

And we got to, like, my first workshop, and the professor was like, all right, we start workshops next week.

Who wants to start putting things out there?

And I was like, wait, next week?

So a lot of this was just me reacting to, like, everything that I learned in the MFA because I went in, eyes closed, head empty, just, this is something I want to try.

And it worked out for the absolute best, I think.

So it sounds like when you applied, you were like, well, I'm going to give this a try and see what happens.

You got accepted.

You selected american university, and so you went in kind of not knowing what to expect.

Is that what you're saying?

I had no idea what to expect at that point.

I was, like, three years removed from my last english literature class.

Forget, like, an intensive writing workshop.

So there was a lot of, like, adjusting and kind of giving myself reality checks along the way and being like, well, like, what have you read in the last three years?

That's not statistics.

What have you done in the last few years that's even a little bit creative?

And kind of realizing I'd lost touch with that creative side of myself through college and also kind of just working on getting it back.

That makes sense.

So an MFA is a master's in fine art, and typically, the programs are for fiction, poetry, maybe creative nonfiction?

And you were in fiction?

I was, yeah.

I've talked to some other MFA graduates, and it's not that unusual for people to go in kind of not knowing what to expect, which is kind of crazy.

But it's like you said, you just have to give it a try.

It feels intuitively, it feels like the right thing to do.

So you just go in and start doing it.

And I hear what you were saying, that you were reactive, but I think that that's, you know, you go in with an open mind, and you're like, okay, well, what do you want me to do?

And they start giving you assignments and giving you reading lists, and you find your way.

At what point did you start to feel like you were finding your way and starting to identify yourself as a writer and what you were about?

So, again, I think it was just one of those moments where something clicked in my brain, and I was, you know, taking a break from all the schoolwork.

I was curled up in bed watching the Beverly Hillbillies.

I love old tv.

And there was, like, the scene where the actor who plays Jethro is dressed up as a girl playing his sister, and something in my brain, like, absolutely unprompted.

Like, I was trying not to think actively just trying to fall asleep.

And my brain was like, this is really funny because he's such a big guy, and, like, having him dress up as his sister and having her be this really big girl is playing with their expectations of gender from this time period.

And I was like, what are you doing?

Go take a nap.

But at that point, I was like, oh, I'm starting to pick up on these things and, like, starting to kind of critically analyze what I'm watching, even in my downtime.

And it was like, oh, like, you're learning more about this.

Like, you're starting to make your way in this world.

Yeah.

And started to think about your interaction with what you're seeing and the way that you might be seeing it and thinking about it differently.

And what was it they were intending?

That's pretty fascinating and very random.

It's incredibly random.

It's a great story.

It's completely unserious.

Like, how did you even find the beverly hillbillies on YouTube?

Or someone gave you a disc set.

It's on Amazon prime, actually.

And I used to watch it as a kid when we didn't have cable, like, way back in the day.

And I was just like, oh, it's on here.

Let's watch it.

That's pretty great.

Really?

So how did you take that awareness and start to move in a new direction with your own work.

I started to see my work as work, which I think is really new for me, because until that point, I was just, you know, this is really fun.

I want to think about this more.

Let's see where it goes.

And then when I started to see my work as work, I could kind of pick up on threads and be like, this is what you started thinking about.

Let's carry this all the way through to the end of a fiction story.

It's a lot easier to do with poetry because it's so condensed.

But in longer works, it's like this.

This and this are your main threads.

Like, think about them, journal about them, just let them marinate for a while.

And then when you come back to this, it'll make more sense as a complete art.

And kind of just, again, divorcing myself from what I was doing really helped make it, like, a professional thing, rather than something so intensely personal that it has to be, like, locked up and guarded and never seen the light of day.

Oh, that's really a fascinating way to think about it, that you kind of let go of your own immediate intentions and let the theme and the work guide you rather than you guiding it.

Yeah, I've tried to do that.

I started my thesis trying to really steer it, and it just wouldn't go anywhere.

So I was like, you're clearly approaching this wrong.

Like, this is, again, really inspired by my deadlines, due in three weeks.

We have to do something.

Just, like, sit down and write.

Like, whatever it is, it can be good, it can be bad, I don't care.

Just get it done.

And then just letting it go from there and being like, oh, wait, like, this thing that you're talking about in chapter five is something that you're also going to talk about in chapter 15 and chapter one.

So how can we make this fit together?

To me, that's the kind of thing that you don't really become aware of until you write your way into it.

You know, several chapters in, and then several more chapters in, whatever's in the back of your mind starts to make it its way forward.

It's.

The fascinating thing about writing is that it will find its own way.

Yeah, absolutely.

The less I try to control, the better it goes.

Yes, yes, exactly.

Well said.

Well, let's talk a little bit about your social media.

That's something we haven't hit on yet.

And I know that you do use social media for your writing.

Can you tell us, how does that fit in with this creative process and the way that you view the world.

So, I mean, sometimes your brain needs junk food.

You can do all the reading lists and, like, work on your craft, but sometimes your brain just needs junk food and a break.

Social media is, like, my brain's junk food, pretty much okay.

And I think I grew up with social media.

It was everywhere.

Like, I'm a self described dirty little zoomer, so I can't remember a world where this didn't exist.

And, like, for all the things that people say are harmful and bad about social media and, like, the issues that come up with it, it's still a really good way to find community.

So you can put out open calls for submissions on Instagram, and then I go through and I just add them to my phone calendar and be like, this is due this day.

This is due this day.

And there's a lot of information that you can kind of process, like, not process, but have access to when you just, like, start looking for these communities online, especially the year after I graduated from my MFA, I was living in Dallas, and I was kind of removed from my MFa cohort and my community at american.

And with, like, no pressure and no, like, external deadlines, I was like, well, it'll get done.

Like, I'll write whenever I want to write.

And that, of course, is never, because writers never want to do that.

I like what you're saying, though.

It's a way of, after your MFA program ends, it's a way of building your own community.

Yeah, exactly.

So it was really little, just, like, accounts that reviewed books, and then I'd be like, well, this looks good.

I'll check it out.

And kind of expanding my reading and expanding the places I might submit to and just kind of getting a window into other people's worlds, I think, was really important during that year.

Yeah, it can help you from feeling isolated when you see other people are, you know, doing similar stuff that you're doing, or, you know, also trying to connect with other writers and just see what's going on in the writerly world.

If people want to find you online, which of your social media would you recommend they look for?

So I am on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, all of it.

I think they're all stretchy scribbles, so they're all the same.

I think right now my TikTok is private because I was working in schools, and some of my students asked me if I was on TikTok, and I was like, absolutely not.

Get away from me.

Boundaries are good.

Yeah.

Okay.

So Instagram.

Instagram and Twitter.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Well, we'll be sure to put those in the show notes so that people can stay in touch.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thanks a lot for joining us today.

It's been great hearing about your writing experience.

Thank you for having me.

Thanks for stopping by the audio town Square of the Washington Square review.

Until next time, this has been the Washington Square on air from Lanson Community College.

To find out more about our writers community and literary journal, visit lcc.edu wsl.

Writing is messy, but do it anyway.