SCENE ONE (COLD OPEN)

NARRATOR

It's another exciting day in the city of Megalopolis; where the superheroes save the day and the lawyers save the superheroes! On this day, however, it might be a little late to save everyone… Listener, I bring you to a facility of the corporation Parasol. On paper it’s a solar energy plant, but why does a solar energy plant have a gravity well and so much mystery?

[some background noises of a busy workplace, but sci-fi-ish, working on a scifi energy plant]

JOHN HAGLEY

[distracted]

Levels look good from here.

[back to the convo they care about]

So I know the cruise is a little pricey, but if I save up…

EPHII HARDIN

Forget pricey, it takes weeks just to get to the Saturn base!

JOHN

Ugh, yeah. Vacation time.

EPHI

You’re up to what, two and a half weeks a year? You’d barely get there, let alone back in time.

JOHN

We should unionize. Force Parasol to give us better benefits.

EPHI

I’d settle for railings on those damn walkways by the well.

JOHN

[laughing]

Come on, Ephi. You think if something goes wrong a walkway railing will help?

[something goes wrong. Alarms blare, running footsteps in a hall, a door slams open]

EPHI

Uh. Guess we’re about to find out.

DYLAN RITCHEY

[panicked as he runs into the room]

Are you asleep in here or something? What are you doing?

JOHN

What? Everything in here looks fine!

EPHI

What’s happening?! It’s the well, isn’t it?!

DYLAN

Yes! Look, the levels can’t be fine. Paul is already gone, and who knows who else!

[distant screaming--alarms continue]

JOHN

It’s gotta be a problem with the sensors, then, I’ve been saying we needed to--

[massive explosion and then silence]

[THEME SONG]

SCENE TWO

NARRATOR

And now, listener, we take you to the library at Megalopolis law school! Mysterious explosions be damned, nothing gets between a gunner and their studies!

[Harper arrives at the school library and meets the librarian, JILLIAN.]

HARPER

Hello, Jillian!

JILLIAN

Harper! Good to see you! Would you like me to check and see if your usual study room is open?

HARPER

That would be wonderful, thank you!

JILLIAN

[Click clack of a keyboard. JILLIAN makes a sound.]

Sorry, looks like 4B is booked up for the next 8 hours.

HARPER

Okay, what about 5C?

JILLIAN

[Type some more.]

That one’s reserved, too.

HARPER

Ugh. What’s open?

JILLIAN

Let’s see…

[Typing sounds.]

2G is open but only for an hour.

HARPER

It’s better than nothing. Can you put me down please?

JILLIAN

Yup!

HARPER

Thank you.

[HARPER walks to study room, sits down, and begins rummaging through papers. As soon as they get settled, there’s a mooing sound from one of those old child’s toys. HARPER is startled.]

What is that?

[Mooing. HARPER stands up and begins going through the room as it continues.]

Where is that coming from?

[Mooing intensifies. HARPER lets out a sound of frustration and begins gathering their stuff together again. They hurry out of the room and are confronted by GIDEON, who is leaning on a wall smugly.]

GIDEON

Harper Hallo.

HARPER

Gideon Smurton.

GIDEON

I’m so glad that your illustrious firm job leaves you with enough time to squeeze in a single hour of studying.

HARPER

Well, I’m working some major cases. Making a real impact requires some extra time. How are they treating you at wherever the heck you ended up? I bet you’re real busy getting coffees for all your superiors.

GIDEON

Hmph, you wish. I, of course, have been getting all the experience that I’ll need to become a top tier lawyer, while also keeping up with my exams. It appears only one of us understands the concept of time management — looks like you won’t get a chance to study until the cows come home.

HARPER

Oh, I KNEW you must’ve done this! You booked all the other rooms, too, didn’t you!

GIDEON

I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.

HARPER

You know 4B is the best study room here! How early were you camping at the library just to snatch it up before me?

GIDEON

The world doesn’t revolve around you, Hallo. Just because someone else has the initiative to take what they want doesn’t mean it’s a personal slight. I’d normally be surprised that a law student would take such a wild leap in logic, but then again, you didn’t do so well on that admin law final last semester, now did you?

HARPER

Hey, I got an A!

GIDEON

But it took you extra credit to take your class grade to an A+, didn’t it? Losing your touch there, huh, Hallo?

HARPER

Oohhhhh! Mark my words, Smurton. You mess with the bull, you get the horns!

GIDEON

Ah, what an appropriate comparison! You’re just like a bull, which is exactly why I’m unintimidated. As soon as I wave something bright and flashy in front of you, your pea-sized brain will find something else to be melodramatic about.

HARPER

I’ll be as melodramatic as I want when I’m waving your head around on a stick!

GIDEON

Don’t be so crass. I have lunch with Holly coming up in a couple days and I’d hate for her to hear how low her child has sunk.

HARPER

What?! You’re meeting with my mom?!

GIDEON

Well, for those of us who aren’t born with contacts, we have to make our own. Besides, Holly is a treasure. Her only flaw is that one of her children is a debased cretin who gobbles down beef jerky and almonds in the middle of class.

HARPER

My snacking habits are none of your business!

GIDEON

You make it everybody’s business when you’re tearing through those wrappers like a rabid raccoon.

HARPER

[Frustrated sound.]

GIDEON

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more productive things to do with my time than stand here and chat with you.

HARPER

Wait! You’ve had your fun, now tell me where the mooing’s coming from!

GIDEON

Why would I do that? You’re a bull, aren’t you? This should make you feel right at home.

[Harper GRRRRRs, Gideon laughs. Harper starts packing up their stuff.]

HARPER

Fine! I’ll find another study room. You may have won this time, but I swear on my life I’m going to destroy you.

GIDEON

No. Stop. Please. I’m absolutely terrified.

HARPER

[Turns around and walks away, flipping the bird.]

You should be, Smurton! YOU SHOULD BE.

SCENE THREE

[Harper arriving at the firm for work, already exhausted]

HARPER

[muttering]

Ok, new day, new cases to get assigned to, hey, who knows, maybe it’ll be something light and easy… And no mooing…

LOIS

Good morning Mx. Hallo.

HARPER

[fakes more energy than they have]

Good morning LOIS.

LOIS

Congratulations, Mx. Hallo. Mr. Aria’s decided you’re ready for the big leagues. You’ll be assisting with the class action he’s been putting together for a year.

HARPER

[hesitates]

The...Parasol explosion? That energy plant that blew up?

LOIS

Report to Ms.’s Castillo and Firestein right away and they’ll give you the specifics.

HARPER

Ahh, cool! Great!

[muttering as they walk]

Okay, not so easy…

[knocks on Bonnie/Cole’s office door]

HARPER

Uh, LOIS said you wanted to see me? About the Parasol case?

BONNIE

Yes indeed! How do you feel about doing some interviews?

COLE

We’ve got a whole mess of witnesses to sort through.

BONNIE

Totally ordinary witnesses.

COLE

Yes, and totally ordinary interviews.

HARPER

Oh — yes, that sounds great! Getting back to school has been so stressful — I’m taking two extra classes this semester because it’s my last year and I wanted to make sure I get the most out of it, but it’s so much, and Smurton keeps booking all the study rooms, and my Conflict of Laws professor scheduled a midterm for Yom Kippur and she won’t change it no matter how many times I ask, so now I have to start a letter writing campaign to the dean or else I’ll have to take it while I’m fasting —

[Cole clears her throat]

Sorry! All I’m getting at is that ordinary actually sounds really nice.

COLE

Well damn, now I feel bad.

HARPER

What?

COLE

Nothing! Wonderful! You’ll do the interviews!

BONNIE

Which are ordinary, like we said!

COLE

LOIS will give you the list and take notes for you. You’ll be meeting with the witnesses in conference room L1-232.

BONNIE

You’ll need to get two pieces of vital information from each of them. If you can’t get both from someone, that’s fine, we’ll be narrowing down the witness list that way.

COLE

But get as many as possible!

BONNIE

Of course! So, first piece of information: what do they know about Parasol’s wrongdoing in the explosion?

COLE

Yeah, if they know what caused it, any safety measures that weren’t taken, that sort of thing.

BONNIE

That’s the easy part.

HARPER

The evidence for the whole case is the easy part?

BONNIE

Yep!

COLE

Yeah, every employee knows how their company is fucking them over, right?

HARPER

Asks my boss.

[Bonnie and Cole laugh]

COLE

The second piece of info is the tough one. You gotta find out a secret. The more evidence the witness has, the more airtight the secret has to be.

HARPER

[taking notes]

An airtight secret. About Parasol?

BONNIE

About anything. Think, like, buried treasure.

COLE

Oh that’s the best!

BONNIE

Rare, though.

COLE

Yeah of course. If they don’t have buried treasure out there somewhere, find out if there’s a password that only they know, that’s not written down anywhere. Something we can test.

BONNIE

Yep, gotta be verifiable.

COLE

Very important!

HARPER

[notetaking, reading as they write]

A verifiable secret.

[confused]

Wait, so. Hang on… What do you mean by verifiable?

BONNIE

It can’t be something that we just take their word for, we have to be able to confirm it’s true.

COLE

And that only they know it.

HARPER

Um, ok…maybe if you… What is the purpose of this secret? Maybe that would help me find it?

COLE

[proud]

Ah, good baby lawyer, asking for context!

BONNIE

Very good! We’re trying to get past a hearsay objection, using the residual exception.

HARPER

[excited]

Oh I’ve learned the hearsay exceptions! So that’s why we need to know what evidence they have, not just for ourselves and to prove the case, but to fulfill the “uniquely probative” requirement of the residual exception.

COLE

Yep!

HARPER

So then we need to prove the trustworthiness of the hearsay.

BONNIE

Hence the secret.

HARPER

Right, got it! Wait, no I don’t. Why does their secret show they’re trustworthy?

COLE

[having way too much fun with this]

It doesn’t.

BONNIE

It shows that Kathleen is trustworthy!

COLE

And it shows the witnesses are who they say they are.

BONNIE

We can’t exactly use photo IDs!

HARPER

We can’t?

COLE

Harper, you’re gonna want to look up the test from Holgersson for specifics of what we need. LOIS can grab it for you.

HARPER

[cautious]

Holgersson, got it.

BONNIE

The gist is, though, find out what secret we can ask them about in court.

COLE

It’s part of the test for a medium’s trustworthiness, that’s what Holgersson gives us.

BONNIE

Gotta make sure it’s really them you’re talking to!

COLE

Hence, buried treasure. Passwords only they’d know.

BONNIE

Don’t use secret affairs, though. Not really secret, if another person’s involved!

COLE

If they’ve got bodies buried somewhere that works. Kinda like buried treasure, right?

HARPER

So solo secrets only. What’s medium trustworthiness? I’ve never heard that term…

COLE

Not medium trustworthiness, the trustworthiness of a medium.

HARPER

A medium? Like someone who--

COLE

Speaks to the dead.

COLE

We call her Kathleen.

HARPER

… what was that about screwing employees over?

SCENE FOUR

[dun-dun!]

HARPER

[to themself]

Ok, just ask what they know and...what their most closely-held secret is. They’re just dead people. Totally normal interview at my totally normal job…

LOIS

“What they know” is a little general, I should think.

HARPER

[jumps]

LOIS! I’m too fried for you to sneak up on me like that!

LOIS

I don’t have a body. I can’t sneak.

[pause]

Or perhaps the issue is that I can’t not sneak.

HARPER

Ugh, whatever. What do you mean?

LOIS

The standard is uniquely probative. Not general knowledge.

HARPER

Well, yeah, but--

LOIS

So don’t you think there might be some questions you forgot to ask?

HARPER

[sigh]

I was a little thrown off by the dead people interviews I’m about to do.

LOIS

Excuses, excuses.

HARPER

Ok, fine, you’re right, I need to know about the case to know what’s probative, and what we already know to know what’s unique. So… LOIS, what can you tell me about the case?

LOIS

Well I can tell you--

HARPER

I take that back, what do I need to know?

LOIS

[mocking disappointment]

I could tell you many things, Harper.

HARPER

I don’t doubt that.

LOIS

Well then. What you need to know: Parasol’s rather mysterious energy plant --something about harnessing solar energy from the moon--exploded.

[ominous, she knows Parasol wasn’t really working on clean energy]

Real strange, something that harmless going boom...

[normal voice]

We represent the families of those killed, employees of Parasol, who are alleging that they ignored safety protocols, put their employees at unnecessary risk, blah blah blah. Most of what you need from these witnesses is the cause of the explosion, and Parasol’s role in it.

HARPER

[completely, nerdily sincere]

Ah, causation, my favorite part of torts! Consider me on it.

LOIS

I shall.

HARPER

What do we already have evidence for, when it comes to the explosion?

LOIS

At present, there is little evidence even for what the plant does. Beyond Parasol’s rather vague word.

HARPER

Really? What about discovery? We’ve had this case for awhile, right? We should have the basic stuff by now.

LOIS

[wistful]

So young. So new to corporate cases.

HARPER

So they’re not cooperating? Holding back discovery? They can’t do that! We should–

LOIS

I believe you have your assignment, Mx. Hallo. To address your original question, for now you should assume that any information about the cause of the explosion is uniquely probative.

HARPER

Right. You’re right. It’s just… I know Parasol has a history…

LOIS

Dead people tend to be very good at history, Mx. Hallo.

HARPER

Right. Talking to dead people.

[deep breath]

I’m on it!

LOIS

I am aware.

[conference door opening]

HARPER

Hi, you must be Kathleen! I’m Harper, I’ll be interviewing… uh.

KATHLEEN

[amused]

My friends, yes. Hello Harper.

HARPER

So how does this work, exactly?

KATHLEEN

Well, I have a mutation, much like many out there, but mine allows me to channel the dead.

HARPER

Right.

KATHLEEN

All I need is a name and an item that belonged to them. And once I’ve connected to the right spirit...Well. You’ll see.

HARPER

Oh, that’s why there’s all this stuff. They belonged to the workers?

KATHLEEN

Yes.

HARPER

That’s…a lot of stuff. How many people died in this explosion?

LOIS

426.

HARPER

Oh! God!

[awkward beat]

LOIS

Only 37 of whom were deemed likely to have worthwhile testimony.

HARPER

Wow, so you’re going to be channeling--

LOIS

[interrupts “helpfully”]

37.

HARPER

--37 people?

KATHLEEN

And your firm is paying me very well for it. Shall we start?

HARPER

Yes, please.

[each voice is a different VA, but with the same weird voice effect. Cut together quickly so it feels more like a montage than a single conversation.]

DEAD PERSON 1

Of course Parasol fucked us over! At every turn!

DEAD PERSON 2

[Trying to sound reasonable]

I mean yeah. They cut corners.

DEAD PERSON 3

Ohhh yeah, they didn't care if we lived or died.

What corporation does?

They didn't even have railings on the walkways!

One of the worse evil corporations I've worked for, actually.

Over the gravity well!

You need specifics?

What caused the explosion?

I'll tell you what caused the explosion, corporate greed!

I mean yeah, there were some repairs that didn't get funded, repairs that would have helped, maybe prevented the explosion…

I don't think it was something broken, I think it was rigged.

They killed me! They killed me and you want specifics?! “Just the facts, ma'am,” is that what you're telling me!?

Just like. In general. A lot of maintenance was put off, deprioritized.

Those levels looked too good, you know what I'm saying? It'd be real easy to rig the sensors for when the inspector came 'round.

What do you mean you need a secret?

Oh that makes sense, I think I've read about cases like that!

Something I haven't told anybody? At all?

[sarcastic]

Oh sure I'll just tell you where I buried my secret murder victim's body! That should work right?

Well I have some passwords I could give you, since you asked so nicely.

Fine, look, I buried this time capsule when I was 12, I can tell you where it is and what I put in it.

Oh god the only thing I can think of is really embarrassing… you ever write any poetry?

...73 ampersand dash L 4…

It was mostly porn, ok, I was going through a phase, I thought my future self would appreciate it…

Would I need to actually recite the poetry? Like in court?

...P 9 =...

I do appreciate it if it'll help take down Parasol and their stupid superweap--

[Door opens]

COLE

Harper, Kathleen, how's it going in here? Good time for a lunch break?

HARPER

Already? We've still got 34 people to talk to!

BONNIE

Kathleen looks like she needs a break. You don't need to finish it all in one day!

HARPER

I don't?

COLE

This case has been going for months, we don't expect it to wrap up in a day!

HARPER

Oh. That's good, I guess. Wait, so I’m just going to spend every day talking to dead people for… however long?

KATHLEEN

You get used to it.

SCENE FIVE

[the usual sneering condescension in both directions]

GIDEON

Hallo. I thought I might find you hiding out in the stacks.

HARPER

Smurton. You were looking for me? Do you need my help studying? I know you must be struggling with our Evidence reading, and I happen to have gotten quite a bit of practice on hearsay law recently…

GIDEON

The day I ask for your studying help is the day the multiverse has turned inside out. I simply wanted to come give you this.

HARPER

[suspicious]

What is it?

GIDEON

A letter for your Yom Kippur letter writing campaign.

HARPER

[shocked]

Really?

GIDEON

Hallo, when I best you, it is not going to be because of your religion.

HARPER

Wow, Smurton, that’s really —

GIDEON

It’ll be because I switched out your backpack with a fake as you were leaving Conflict of Laws yesterday.

HARPER

What?! Wait, what have I been studying from for the last twelve hours?!

GIDEON

[ignoring Harper]

Although it seems I didn’t need to go to such extremes. I can sense you struggling, hiding out here to dodge your responsibilities.

HARPER

I’m focusing on my school work! What would I possibly have to avoid?

GIDEON

[hearing bits of their thoughts and intrigued]

Something about buried bodies and stashes of porn, apparently. That firm of yours does take on the classiest of cases.

HARPER

[slams casebook shut]

As usual you have to fall back on your powers to gain even the slightest advantage over me, Smurton. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got important responsibilities to return to. Like finding my backpack, apparently.

GIDEON

Fleeing already?

HARPER

Let me know if you need help with your evidence outline. You know, telling which parts are accurate, and which parts contain misinformation someone might have planted.

GIDEON

[surprised, almost delighted]

Are you finally climbing off your high superhorse and thinking outside the academic box?

HARPER

I don’t know what you’re talking about!

[Harper walks away]

SCENE SIX

[Dun-dun]

HARPER

Can I get your name?

EPHI (dead)

Ephi Hardin.

HARPER

[rhythm of someone who’s said the same thing dozens of times now]

Thank you. I’m going to make this as quick as possible, so let’s jump straight to it. What was your role at the plant, and is there anything you can tell us about what caused the explosion that killed you?

EPHI (dead)

Just like that, huh? What killed me?

HARPER

I’m sorry if I seem insensitive! I’ve just been talking to a lot of people…

EPHI (dead)

I bet. It’s okay, really. I appreciate you not wasting my time, this isn’t the most comfortable experience.

HARPER

So I’ve heard.

EPHI (dead)

Well, my job involved monitoring the output of the gravity well using some sensors built into it, where it was almost impossible to inspect the sensors themselves. And in retrospect, yes, I believe there was something wrong with them. Something Parasol must have known about.

HARPER

Something wrong with the sensors? What makes you believe that?

EPHI

You should be able to access the readouts, so you can confirm what I'm saying; the levels were uncannily even. Falsified-even. Too perfect.

HARPER

Wow. And what makes you believe Parasol knew about it?

EPHI

They would have to have been the one falsifying it.

HARPER

Do you know this firsthand?

EPHI

You'd need to speak with Paul Patimus Brown. He oversaw the installation.

[transition]

PAUL

That's me.

HARPER

I'm told you may have information about the installation and operation of… Gravity well sensors?

PAUL

Ah. Yes. Yes, I do.

HARPER

Can you tell me, if the sensors' readings were falsified, who would have done that?

PAUL

I can tell you exactly who. But do you really have no questions about why there was a gravity well in a solar energy plant?

HARPER

I… I have to admit I’m curious. But that’s not the focus of this case.

PAUL

Look, little lawyer. I’m dead. This might be my only chance to tell anyone what Parasol is up to. Please, hear me out?

HARPER

… what do you know?

SCENE SEVEN

[dun-dun]

HARPER

Thank you for your time, Ms. Snyder. I can’t believe it took three weeks to get through them all.

KATHLEEN

Thank you! Always glad when my abilities can be useful. How many witnesses can you use?

HARPER

Twenty-four of them ified. But I may have actually come across more information that we were looking for…

KATHLEEN

Oh?

HARPER

Can you hear what the people you’re…

KATHLEEN

Channeling.

HARPER

Can you hear what they say? Do you remember the interviews?

KATHLEEN

[amused]

I can hear if I try. For 37 straight interviews I didn’t bother.

HARPER

So you didn’t hear the bits about a superweap–

KATHLEEN

It’s probably best if you don’t tell me any details, since I may still need to take the stand. If I don’t know anything, I can’t taint the testimony of my…friends.

HARPER

Right. Ok. Well I won’t keep you anymore, then. We’ll reach out when we need you again.

KATHLEEN

Looking forward to it!

[footsteps, door opening/closing]

HARPER

LOIS, you heard everything in those interviews, right?

LOIS

The interviews I was tasked with recording? Yes, Birdbrain. I heard.

HARPER

Including the fact that it was definitely not a solar energy plant that exploded?

LOIS

Who could possibly have seen that coming.

HARPER

Parasol is evil! Like, full-on supervillains!

LOIS

The company that dumps toxic chemicals in residential areas that cause excessive eyeball growth? I never would have thought such a thing.

HARPER

What do I do?

LOIS

Your assignment is to provide the list of deceased witnesses, as well as the information that qualifies them for the residual hearsay exception under the Holgersson rule.

HARPER

But what if they just testify to the accidental explosion, not to what the plant really was? What if Parasol gets away with it?

LOIS

I am merely conveying your assignment.

HARPER

LOIS!

LOIS

[robot sigh]

Perhaps this is something you should take up with your bosses, Mx. Hallo.

HARPER

[determined]

Right. Then that’s what I’ll do!

SCENE EIGHT

[Dun-dun. Harper chases Bonnie and Cole down the hall.]

HARPER

Uh, Ms. Firestein? Ms. Castillo? Did you get my email?

BONNIE

Of course we did, kid.

COLE

Are you suggesting LOIS would lose an email on our servers?

HARPER

No, I--

BONNIE

We got it, and you did great!

COLE

As in, just won the firm a bigass settlement, great!

HARPER

I did?

BONNIE

You didn’t hear it from us, Mr. Aria’s excited to tell you himself.

HARPER

Oh. Okay, but did you see the part about a potential follow-up?

COLE

Yeah, that’s more Mal’s area than ours.

HARPER

It’s just that… I think there might be something bigger going on. Something sketchy.

BONNIE

Well, it’s Parasol, so probably.

HARPER

No, something beyond just normal corporation sketchy! Like, big sketchy! Supervillain sketchy!

COLE

Look, newbie, that all sounds great —

HARPER

Does it?

COLE

— but we really just take the cases Mal tells us to take. I’m not about to go suggesting any more work for myself.

HARPER

But —

BONNIE

Why don’t you go down to his office? He wanted to talk to you about the settlement anyway.

HARPER

I… I guess that makes sense. Okay. Thanks.

[they start to walk, and speak to themself]

Okay, back to the basement, I guess… it’s fine, Mr. Aria is probably better positioned to help me anyway, he’s the higher-up…

[knock on door]

MAL

Come in! Ah, young Hallo! It seems congratulations are in order!

HARPER

Thank you. For what?

MAL

I recently finished a telephone call with the representative of Parasol. They have offered our clients a rather large settlement, since we submitted the proposed witness list–apparently that’s all it took, knowing who we’d be putting on the stand! This is in no small part due to your diligent efforts in interviewing these witnesses.

HARPER

Oh! I mean, that’s great, right? We’re getting something good for our clients.

MAL

Good for our clients, good for the firm. And good for myself, as I can now turn my attention to other casework.

HARPER

Move on? But some of the stuff the witnesses said… Mr. Aria, I think Parasol is up to something! I don’t think that was a solar energy plant that blew up.

MAL

And it is no longer my problem, assuming our clients accept the settlement offer, which I shall endeavor to encourage them to do.

HARPER

[suspicious]

How much did they offer, exactly?

MAL

See for yourself. After some convincing the Parasol representative faxed this over, to make it official.

HARPER

Oh, wow! That is a lot. Isn’t it? Did the lawyers say anything about why they were offering so much?

MAL

Their reasons are immaterial, our clients will be happy. And now, young Hallo, my time is valuable. I must attend to another case, fascinating really, a breach of contract by a hero who rescued puppies from a fire without wearing their sponsor’s logo…

[trails off as Harper sighs and walks out. A beat, as Harper thinks hard while walking down the hall.]

HARPER

LOIS?

LOIS

Yes, Young Hallo?

HARPER

You up for some quick math?

LOIS

Always.

HARPER

Based on the facts of the Parasol case, and Parasol’s history, what would you consider the odds of them offering a settlement as high as this one?

LOIS

Ah, hmm…

[calculating pause]

Not large, young Hallo. But then, I heard those interviews, too. You had more than the “facts of the case” on Parasol.

HARPER

Yeah, that’s what I thought. There’s something bigger going on, someone needs to do something…

LOIS

You sound like a hero. Young Hallo.

HARPER

Please stop calling me that. What do I do? Bonnie and Cole didn’t seem to care, and neither did Mr. Aria…

LOIS

A word of advice, Mx. Hallo? The lawyers of this firm have been buried in the law for too long to take action outside of it. Unless you want to sue Parasol yourself, they’re not going to be very helpful.

HARPER

[dawning realization, echoing Gideon]

I’ll have to think outside the academic box.

[normal again]

So you think I should go to...who? My family?

LOIS

[fake confusion]

Why would you think your family could help?

HARPER

[panicked obvious lie]

Hahahaha, they wouldn’t be! Of course!

[normal again]

And anyway… I don’t want them to think the law is limiting. I decided when I applied to law school that this was where the real future was, the real power to make a difference…

LOIS

[more wistful than sarcastic]

I’ve heard talk like that before…

HARPER

No, I can’t go to them. But I can’t just sit here and think about...breach of contract law. Who else do I know that could help?

SCENE NINE

[dun-dun! Followed by a phone ringing. Maybe more phones ringing in the background, people talking--bustling office sounds at the newspaper!]

MARK

Mark Ment, Earth Weekly.

HARPER

Uh, hi. Mark. This is Harper Hallo, from Smith, Smythe, Schmidt, and Smit? We met briefly when I was working on the--

MARK

I remember. Hello Harper, what can I do for you?

HARPER

I was wondering if you would be interested in meeting with me?

[laughs nervously]

Nothing scandalous, I just thought maybe you could get a message to your...friend for me? But I don’t think I can talk about this on the phone.

MARK

Standard issue parking garage secret informant meeting location work for you?

HARPER

That should do it, I think. I just have some hypothetical info that a certain Duper person might be interested to know…

NARRATOR

There you have it, listener. Our hero, Harper Hallo, uncovers a villainous conspiracy, and turns to an old friend to take it on! Did they make the right decision? Was there a legal solution, after all? Perhaps we’ll never know.

We'll see you again soon, listener; for wherever there are lawyers being super, there are supers needing lawyers. Join us next time for another exciting day in the city of Megalopolis, here on Super Suits!