Perry Maughmer [00:00:00]:

Welcome to the Potential Leader Lab. I'm your host, Perry Maughmer. And today on episode 73, we're talking about, living relentlessly unseen. So if you have missed or purposely missed the last two episodes, this would be the third one you wanna skip, because this is talking about this is a three part series, Relentless True Stepping Away from Self Promotion. This is the last installment, and this is about living relentlessly unseen. So the first two, we talked about, the last episode, 72, was the lie of visibility, and the first one, episode 71, was walking away from the noise. The first one was heavily influenced by Jean Paul Sartre. Last, week, it was Kierkegaard.

Perry Maughmer [00:00:42]:

This week, it is Martin Heidegger. So if that didn't put you to sleep, you know, then here we go. So here's what we got. We got last one, and we're talking about the the first one was kinda what I'm doing. The second was why. This one's kinda how, in in loose terms. So we've talked about stepping away and rejecting, you know, walking away from the noise. Now it's time to focus on what comes next and how to live meaningful meaningfully without the noise.

Perry Maughmer [00:01:05]:

I mean, that's what we're here to do. Right? We wanna live a meaningful life without the noise. So we're gonna talk a little bit about Martin Heidegger. He, now and, again, I know that you probably heard this, but Heidegger lived from 1889 to 1976. Kierkegaard was, early to mid eighteen hundreds, and Sartre died in 1980. So most all of these people, thankfully avoided, any social platform. Now that's one side of it. The other side of it is all of them wrote about these things that we talked about and are gonna talk about in their current lifetime that they lived.

Perry Maughmer [00:01:41]:

So it was being experienced then, and it's only being multiplied infant you know, infinitely now. I mean, it's exponentially more of an impact now with things that we're gonna talk about than these people could even have imagined. And so we're gonna talk about one element of what Heidegger talked about, which is being in the world. And again, my perspective, marketing is not bad. Self promotion is not bad. I'm simply talking about, as Kierkegaard would say, my subjective truth and how I experience it and why I'm not gonna do it. I'm kinda sharing that with everybody. But if you if you get a lot out of self promotion, you like to do it, and you love that stuff, you should continue to do it.

Perry Maughmer [00:02:23]:

I'm I'm not judging it. I'm I I had to evaluate it for myself, and I'm sharing that that process, my explore, experiment, evolve process, and this is how I how I'm evolving what I do. So Heidegger talks about being in the world, and and he it would kind of you could say that, you know, social media kinda makes us passive observers rather than an active participant in our own life. It kinda changes our viewpoint from from a participant to observer because we kinda start choosing kind of presence over performance. You know, when, because when I stopped posting, I found out I had this this space, and I'll use that instead of time. I found space to reflect and work and think more deeply because I wasn't spending time trying to figure out what to post and what caption goes with this picture. And I used to write these little things on sticky notes and post them on LinkedIn, and then I have to write it six fucking times because it wouldn't fit on the sheet, and it couldn't wasn't legible and it was the wrong color. I mean, it was ridiculous what I was doing, in my opinion.

Perry Maughmer [00:03:23]:

Right? So in in fact, in in part of the TRF, you know, relentless few is being relentless is is means rooted in reality, not online perception. Like, I wanna be present, and I can't be present online. I just can't do it. It it turns me into an observer, and that's what it did in in my reality sometimes when I was doing this stuff because I would you know, I'd have a speaker at one of my events, and I'd be up taking pictures. And I would think about, okay. What's the caption? Is that picture good enough? And all of that time, I'm not present. All that time, I'm not present. And and I wanna be present because a lot of my my value and what I deliver is being present, being able to really be present and deeply listen and consider and think.

Perry Maughmer [00:04:10]:

And I found for myself, this wasn't supporting that. So if we get into a little bit, I'm gonna I'm gonna speak to one thing that Heidegger talked about with his being in the world, and that is he talked about, the fact that we're we're in the world. We don't we don't just exist in the world as isolated beings. Our identity is shaped by our engagement with the world. So we we don't we don't operate in a vacuum. It's not just about us being isolated in the world. It's that our identity is shaped by our engagement. And so we're always kind of embedded in the world, and it and our existence can't be separated from from our environment and our interactions and our experiences.

Perry Maughmer [00:04:49]:

And so, in essence, to to be is to be in relation to the world. Our thoughts and our actions and our sense our our even our sense of self are deeply connected to our surroundings and how we interact with them. So the challenge for that, given our our discussion points, is he believed even at that time from 1889 to 1976, so in the early to mid nine nineteen hundreds, he thought that modern life at that point pulled us away from authentic being. So in the context of social media and self promotion, this disconnection becomes even more pronounced. We're not we're not living in the world. We're actually living through screens and curated identities and digital impressions. So we're not even in the imagine if Heidegger was alive today. He'd be going off the deep end.

Perry Maughmer [00:05:37]:

Right? It encourages us to see ourselves as as an object, to be perceived rather than as a being actively participating in the world. We're we're now considering ourselves an object. And instead of being, we're appearing. We're crafting that version of ourselves that aligns with external expectations rather than our true selves. We talked about this with Sartre in the in episode 71. And then this disconnect creates this kind of existential challenge. We become more concerned with how we seem to others than how we are in our everyday lives, and our sense of self can become fragmented. It shaped by likes and comments and online validation rather than grounded in real world experiences and actions.

Perry Maughmer [00:06:21]:

And and that to me is was troubling for me. So he, like all the other existentialists, they call for a more authentic being, and they wanna and we need to confront this disconnection head on, and here's how it plays out. So he talks about the the thyself, the they self, and the authentic self. So the they self. Now this is the the this is the, English translation because Heidegger was German. So the they self is actually t h e y dash self. And it was in German, it was Das Mann. Right? So the they self lives in accordance with societal norms and expectations.

Perry Maughmer [00:07:02]:

It's inauthentic driven by what they that's why it's called the they self, what they think or say. Now think about that in context of social platforms. How much of what we are are doing is driven by what, quote, unquote, they say? Like, how do we respond when people like or dislike or don't like or whatever? Ignore what we post. Does that impact what you post next? Do we do we let the the they impact what we do? Now he said the authentic self is embracing your own values and purpose regardless of external validation, sometimes in spite of it. So social media and platforms actually cultivate the they self by making us hyper aware of how we're perceived, pushing us to conform to what gets attention rather than what's real. I mean, I was just talking with Brett, my producer, at the break, and we were talking about he asked a great question. He's like, can we even remember what we did twenty years ago when none of this was around? So in the year February, in the year 1999, in the year 02/2005, I don't know when Facebook really came on board. I'm bad with dates and time.

Perry Maughmer [00:08:13]:

But somewhere in that range, what did we do differently? Well, how do we spend all of our time? Because I think the last the last data point I saw said people spend an average of, like, something like five to seven hours on a screen. What about before smartphones? Before laptops were really laptops? Shit. I remember carrying around a laptop. I didn't know why I was carrying it around at some point. I remember running at one point, I was running a a multimillion dollar business. I didn't have an email. I didn't have a cell phone. I actually had a a phone that was connected to my car at the time.

Perry Maughmer [00:08:46]:

Like, it was, like, it was down in and I know that most people can't relate to this, but it was actually connected to the car, and it had the the the dial on the back, and you could have a speaker phone. It was it was something. But, again, the just the concept of, like, when I would call in for one of the we I did a retail store. I used to have to call in at 11:00 at night and pick up all my voice mails because all every store would have to call and leave a voice mail with their totals. So I would call in, have a piece of paper, and I'd be hold the phone up to my ear, and I'd be writing down what everybody said. That's how I got my information. So what were we doing then without all of this stuff? And I think that part of the relentless mindset is actually choosing to be authentic even if it means going unnoticed or unseen. Right? Living relentlessly unseen.

Perry Maughmer [00:09:33]:

It's the willingness to do hard work without broadcasting it. And and Brett Brett actually said it. This it actually kept bringing through my mind as I was prepping for the session. If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it. Right? So it it's just funny. Right? Because the tree still fell regardless of anybody heard or not. And it didn't make a noise regardless of anybody heard or not just because we didn't hear it. So if we're doing good work, is it still good work if we don't broadcast it? Is it still good work if you don't post about it? I would argue it is.

Perry Maughmer [00:10:05]:

And it's even gonna be better work down the road because you're focused on it. He also warns against and I'm not gonna try the German pronunciation. He warns against idle talk, and he defines that as, like, superficial, meaningless chatter that directs from deeper understanding. Now I don't need to tell you what most social platforms are. Right? Are they promoting deeper understanding, or is it mindless, meaningless, superficial chatter? Now so the challenge we all have is are we communicating to genuinely connect, or are we just making noise to prove we exist? I I I, I was on I was I was down in Florida a couple weeks ago, and Lisa and I were sitting on the balcony. And, and there was a family down at the pool. And there were younger kids. They were probably four to six years old.

Perry Maughmer [00:10:55]:

And I I just it it's just stuck in my head because the one of the the little kids was like, hey. Look. Dad, watch this. Mom, watch this. Dad, watch this. My it went on for, like, three minutes. And I just thought, we're still doing it. Like, that's it.

Perry Maughmer [00:11:10]:

That's what we're doing. It's like, look at me. Look at me. You know, Sally Fields is famous because when she won her Oscar, I think she actually said, you love me. You really love me. Like, that was the validation for her. And and as little as little kids, you remember, if you have kids, you hear this all the time. Watch me.

Perry Maughmer [00:11:27]:

Watch me. Watch me. Right? To to me, why I went away from this is that's what I felt like. I felt like that little kid yelling, look at me. And, again, not casting aspersions or being pejorative to anybody out there. If you like it, do it. It's awesome. You gotta do you.

Perry Maughmer [00:11:45]:

But but Heidegger did warn against idle talk. You know, are we communicating? Are we just proving we exist? We're just making noise to prove we exist. What I would like what I'm gonna do, you can do it too or not do it, is I wanna prioritize deeper, more meaningful conversations over superficial visibility. You know, I asked, I think it was in episode 71 or two. I said, would you rather have one meaningful conversation or a thousand likes? There's no wrong answer. There's no judgment either way. Just just answer the question for yourself. And there is a little, you know, phenomenological shift here from kind of looking to being.

Perry Maughmer [00:12:25]:

Instead of focusing on how we're perceived, focus on the experience itself. Live first, reflect later. Focus on actions that align with your personal values rather than actions that gain approval. But we we have to know those things first. We have to know our personal values. We have to know we have to look inward and know what our what we believe, what we think, what we feel. So instead of crafting content to impress, engage in conversations that challenge and grow your understanding. Talk to people about meaningful things.

Perry Maughmer [00:12:54]:

Stop worrying about how your work is seen online and put energy into doing the work itself. Who cares? I mean, true Heidegger would argue that true what he calls being in the world means actively engaging with reality rather than narrating it from a distance. Right? So we wanna participate rather than narrate. And social media tends to pull us into that meta world where we're always one step removed from the actual experience. We're always looking down on it and judging it. And the question is, can we be truly present if we're always documenting, curating, and promoting our presence? Can we be present if we're always documenting and curating and promoting our presence? I don't know. Maybe you can. I could not.

Perry Maughmer [00:13:38]:

What I wanna do is show up for real interactions, being vulnerable without needing to control the narrative. That's what I wanna do. And the TRF, the relentless view ethos, aligns with Heidegger's challenge by emphasizing a a commitment to authenticity even if it means stepping away from the noise And and kind of, you know, being in that in that relentless few mindset means to refuse to play the game of visibility, and instead focus on being grounded and consistent and engaged with reality. I don't care about visibility. And are you willing to do whatever you're doing even if it means being unseen? Because you're still doing it, you don't disappear. The work you have the work you do is no less valuable if everybody doesn't know about it. The vacation you took is just as awesome and wonderful if nobody knows about it. To be honest, I I think you guys would agree in your life, true impact often happens quietly without applause, and it requires staying rooted in what genuinely matters.

Perry Maughmer [00:14:50]:

If you look back at all the most meaningful things in your life, they happen without applause, quietly, and that you were rooted in what what genuinely mattered. And the the challenge of being in the world today, the and I use being in the world as a quotation because that's we're talking about Heidegger, is choosing to be authentic in a culture that rewards performance. It's refusing to reduce your existence to metrics and instead immersing yourself in real, unfiltered experiences. You're doing the work not for recognition, but because it aligns with who you are at your core. That's where you can lay your head down at night. Let me rephrase. That's where I can lay my head down at night. I'm not projecting.

Perry Maughmer [00:15:40]:

But Heidegger's concept of the they self is central to his philosophy, and it's particularly in his in his major work, in his his kind of magnum opus being in time. It's crucial to understanding how individuals lose their authentic self when they conform to societal norms and expectations. And it happens because the they self, by very definition, refers to the part of our identity that's shaped and controlled by societal norms, expectations, and pressures rather than our own authentic choices. He uses that term to describe how people often live their lives according to what they say or do rather than making personal conscious choices. That's what I that's the that's the thing. When someone says that's just what people do or everybody's doing it, they're speaking from the they self perspective, relying on social norms to dictate behavior. We all have a responsibility to own our choices. We are always at the moment of choice.

Perry Maughmer [00:16:41]:

That's that's my own personal opinion and and my my banner. That's the hill I'm gonna die on. We all own our choices. Every one of these is a choice. There is no there is no wrong choice. The only wrong choice is making no choice because then it gets made for you. And if you don't know your your values, your beliefs, then the the they in our society will tell you. It nature hates a vacuum, man.

Perry Maughmer [00:17:12]:

So I'm gonna tell you, if you don't define it for yourself and you don't know and you don't take the time to do that, it will get told for you. And here's the the existential crisis that flows from this, from the they self. The more we conform to the they self, the more disconnected we become from our true selves. So then we lose agency. We act automatically. As I just was telling you, we're guided by external validation rather than internal conviction. You you need internal conviction to avoid external validation. You don't need external validation.

Perry Maughmer [00:17:47]:

You have value by the very nature of who you are, not because somebody else finds value in you. You are not your work product. You are not what you post. Your value as a human is inherent in you. You don't have to do anything because I can guarantee you, your family, those that those that you care deeply about and those that care deeply about you do not have any different feeling towards you depending on what your salary is or what your job title is or or what your work product is. In fact, someone might not know what the hell you're doing, and they love you just the same. Take it from me. At least I think.

Perry Maughmer [00:18:23]:

I never asked them, but I'm assuming it's true. I got laid off several times back during o eight, o '9, like, that whole thing. Like, I was laid off for months. I had nothing. My assumption is I never asked them. My assumption was my kids and my wife still love me the same. My parents, my in laws, you know, no nobody changed their opinion of me because I wasn't working. I was still the same person.

Perry Maughmer [00:18:48]:

I'm still the same human as you are no matter what your work product is or what you're putting out there. And Heidegger warned, he said living as the they self is living inauthentically. It's failing to own your existence. You have to own your existence. And just as an example in the context of what we're talking about, sharing content because it's trending rather than because it holds something personal, personal meaning for you is a manifestation of the they self. Now I will tell you, Lisa, my wife, does social media for a living. Right? Now it's very authentic. She's always very she's always very good about this.

Perry Maughmer [00:19:31]:

And her own personal stuff, she loves taking pictures when we're out walking. She loves nature. She loves mushrooms, actually. She has this this thing about taking pictures of mushrooms. She was taking them last night. We were on a walk, and she posts them. But it she doesn't give a flying fuck if anybody likes it. She posts it for herself.

Perry Maughmer [00:19:53]:

She posts it because she loves it. It makes her feel good to see that picture. That's why she posted. She's not posting it for any other reason. If somebody likes it, they like it. But if they don't, she still loves taking the picture and posting it. She would do that if there was no social media. If she had nowhere to post it, she'd still be taking the pictures because she just loves putting the pictures together.

Perry Maughmer [00:20:14]:

She loves the composition piece of it. She loves she loves to see those things in nature, and she wants to save them. And that's awesome. Right? She's not doing it for anybody else. She's doing it for her. That's the thing. All you have to answer for yourself is, but who am I doing this for? If you're doing it for you, do a shit ton more of it. Like, keep doing it as long as you're doing it for you.

Perry Maughmer [00:20:39]:

That's the question we all have to answer. So if you wanna here's a way we we need to break free. Here are a couple thoughts on breaking free as Heidegger says from the they self. So if you're he he advocates for authentic being, this is where we're gonna use self reflection. We as I just said, I gave you an example. We have to question our motives and ask whether our actions align with our true values. So number one, self reflection. Number two, individual responsibility.

Perry Maughmer [00:21:06]:

Make choices based on our own understanding and beliefs, not because everybody else is doing it. Remember Kierkegaard said, our truth is highly subjective. Embrace uniqueness. Authentic beings accept the discomfort of standing apart from the crowd. It's okay to be different. You don't have to blend in. Remember, the crowd is untruth, as Kierkegaard said. And then value presence over perception.

Perry Maughmer [00:21:31]:

Be true to oneself means focusing on the experience itself rather than on how it appears to other people. If you're having a good time, fuck them. Right? Do the thing that brings you joy. Do the thing that you bring meaning to somebody. Do that regardless what other people might think about what you're doing. You know. The person you're doing it with or for knows. That's what matters.

Perry Maughmer [00:21:58]:

It doesn't matter what anybody on any social platform says. It just doesn't matter. If you if back to the tree in the forest. If you do good work, if you do something meaningful, it is just as meaningful and good regardless of if anybody ever hears about it or sees it. That's why I say living relentlessly unseen. I'm not saying you're unvalued. I'm not saying it doesn't mean anything, but it means what it means to those that are there. Those are all the people that matter.

Perry Maughmer [00:22:33]:

Again, my opinion. I wanna make it clear. So that's it. That's the end of the third installment of the relentless truth, stepping away from self promotion. Episode 71 was walking away from the noise. The last episode last week was the lie of visibility, and this week, it was about living relentlessly unseen. So I hope actually, I don't hope. If you enjoyed it, you enjoyed it.

Perry Maughmer [00:23:07]:

If you didn't, you probably didn't listen. So, you know, you got out of it that way. You took three weeks off. Next week, we're gonna have Joe Boyd on talking about storytelling. It's pretty awesome. You hear a different voice, not just me droning on. So if you think that'll be fun, tune into that. It it I just think it's worth thinking about.

Perry Maughmer [00:23:27]:

Right? The they self. The crowd is untruth and bad faith from Sartre. The crowd is untruth from Kierkegaard and, the they self from Heidegger. And I'm gonna leave you with this quote again, it's the one I closed out last week, from Nietzsche, and that is, those that were seen dancing were considered insane by those who could not hear the music. So just remember, you're not insane. You just hear the music. Hope you have a great week. Thanks for tuning in.

Perry Maughmer [00:24:02]:

Talk to you soon.