[00:00:00] Corinne Foxx: Welcome back to another episode of Am I Doing This Right? I'm Corinne Foxx.

[00:00:05] Natalie McMillan: And I'm Natalie McMillan.

[00:00:07] Corinne Foxx: And we are best friends, confidants, millennials, and the hosts of Am I doing This Right? A life how-to podcast from the perspective of non-experts.

[00:00:17] Natalie McMillan: And each week we cover a new topic and we drink a new bottle of wine. Even though we don't really wanna do that anymore.

[00:00:27] Corinne Foxx: the wine is getting difficult in the middle of the day guys, but we do it for you because we love you. Yeah. And this week we are talking. Reignite your soul, how to overcome burnout.

[00:00:42] Natalie McMillan: I love that reignite

[00:00:43] Corinne Foxx: and burnout. Yes. Actually it took this a long time to figure this out. So we're gonna be talking about what is burnout signs.

You may be experiencing burnout and the steps to overcome it. And at the end of the episode, we are gonna be. Random advice. So we're gonna be answering questions that you guys wrote into us, things that are going on in your lives, your personal lives, professional lives, and we're gonna be giving you guys our heartfelt advice.

I'm wondering I'm like it, cuz it's not random. I don't know why it's called random advice.

[00:01:19] Natalie McMillan: It's solicited advice. It's actually solicited. Should we, should we call what we call advice? Solicited advice, cuz we actually are.

[00:01:27] Corinne Foxx: Being you guys, guys are actually writing in. Right? Right. And you guys can always write into, am I doing this right pod@gmail.com?

If you have a question, you want your besties, your girlies to give you some advice. We are here for you, or you can slide into the DMS. Oh yeah. Slide into our DMS too. Am I doing this right? Pod hit us up. Hit us up it. Go down. That damn that go down. Okay, Natalie, what are we drinking? This episode? We,

[00:01:52] Natalie McMillan: our drinking the bell call.

Hmm. Barlo symposium

[00:02:00] Corinne Foxx: that all sounded like things. It's Italian. Okay. It's a red, it's a red, it's a red wine. So let's give it a sip.

[00:02:08] Natalie McMillan: She smells fruity. Whoa. Did you have a sip? Not yet. Not yet. Give a sip. It.

[00:02:16] Corinne Foxx: Huh? Huh?

[00:02:18] Natalie McMillan: Whoa.

[00:02:19] Corinne Foxx: Okay. Felt like a punch in the mouth.

[00:02:22] Natalie McMillan: It's well, it's interesting. Interesting.

[00:02:27] Corinne Foxx: It's interesting, Natalie.

I feel like we have to tell everyone about our Vegas adventure.

[00:02:33] Natalie McMillan: I had the best time.

[00:02:35] Corinne Foxx: Okay. So let me give some preface to that. Yeah. Four years I have been talking about, if you go to Vegas, the only thing you should be doing, the O truly the only thing you should do is go see magic Mike life. It is the only thing anyone should ever do when they go to Vegas.

Yes. I've seen this show four times. Okay. I know it backwards and forward. I know all the little bits they knew

[00:02:56] Natalie McMillan: her. Oh, all the dancers know me. They literally clocked her on stage and. Oh, we remember you .

[00:03:02] Corinne Foxx: Yeah, because this show should win a

[00:03:05] Natalie McMillan: Tony award.

[00:03:06] Corinne Foxx: It should, it should win a Tony. Well, I was nervous about Natalie cuz Natalie like can get like cheese out and I was like, Ooh, will she actually could like this?

and Natalie,

[00:03:18] Natalie McMillan: I was so nervous at first because, well, don't give, I'm gonna give it away. But at first I was sitting there and I was like, oh fuck. Like, you know, like the cheesy, I was very concerned about like cheesy male strippers mm-hmm cause we've done that too. Mm-hmm , you know, the male strippers and it's like, oh God, This is not that this is a production.

This is a, it's a Broadway show.

[00:03:39] Corinne Foxx: These guys are dancers. They're professional dancers that like would go on tour. Like, well, obviously I know them very well. Some I've went on tour with Janet Jackson. Like they're very good. Yes.

[00:03:48] Natalie McMillan: It's not like tacky, like corny. It's like, it's like, you're watching a dance show.

Right. And it's like beautiful dancing.

[00:03:56] Corinne Foxx: It's incredible. You guys. So if you're thinking about going to Vegas or actually they have a London

[00:04:01] Natalie McMillan: location, you, we go to London just to see magic Mike live. I would love to, I think we need to do a yearly pilgrimage. I really do to London. Well that,

[00:04:09] Corinne Foxx: but which is no, no, no.

To Vegas for magic Mike. No, I know. That's what I, I know. Yeah. I

[00:04:14] Natalie McMillan: I'm locked in for life. We had a great time. Friday. We went out, went to the club, went to the club. Great. We danced had a good time. We had a great meal.

[00:04:24] Corinne Foxx: Then Natalie got deathly

[00:04:25] Natalie McMillan: ill on. Then I got extremely ill. Uh, it was a combination of the worst hangover of my entire life, which I know my limit in Karen room.

I said, out loud, you, you said this is

[00:04:35] Corinne Foxx: it. Yes. She took a shot and she said, this is, this is it

[00:04:38] Natalie McMillan: our friend our friend was like, I dare you to take another shot. And I was like, okay. And I did it. And I said, that was a

[00:04:44] Corinne Foxx: mistake. Yeah. She said that was a mistake. And it, that was the one that, that killed

[00:04:48] Natalie McMillan: you. Was, it was the one.

Yeah, it was not good. And then UN, unknowingly, I was also getting COVID.

[00:04:54] Corinne Foxx: Yeah, we all got COVID on the trip as well as, um, and that was not fun. That wasn't fun. But I will say in relation to how amazing the matching mic show was worth

[00:05:03] Natalie McMillan: it, I think it was worth. I really do. You know, and we didn't, we, we weren't sick until after we came.

So it was like, and we were

[00:05:11] Corinne Foxx: immediately sick. I mean, we got back on a Sunday, Monday

[00:05:14] Natalie McMillan: was possible morning, Monday morning, but then it's this miss B five. Right? So she's like so contagious that we were gonna get it. Yeah. Regard. I mean, we were gonna get it at trader Joe's or at the mall. So might as well get it at magic.

Mike live. Having the time of our house, having the time of my God life having a disgusting jello shot. Oh God. That jello shot was disgust. It was disgusting so bad. And I loved every second that bad. So that's what we've been up to you guys. Yeah. Oh, I think I need to do a quick update. What on my neighbor he's alive.

My

[00:05:48] Corinne Foxx: neighbor is alive. If you guys have been listening, uh, Natalie mentioned her neighbor, uh, who sits on his who's really at the end of his life. Yes. But he is hanging on.

[00:05:57] Natalie McMillan: He has the strongest will to live. I've ever seen. It's very impressive. And I thought that he had gone, he had only gone into his home.

He's

[00:06:07] Corinne Foxx: he's here to stay. And then he came out, outlive us all. Honestly, he

[00:06:10] Natalie McMillan: might . Oh, good for him. So anyways guys, he lives, he's clearly not burnt out. No, but he's not burnt out

[00:06:18] Corinne Foxx: yet. I am, but not why. So let's get into the episode. Let's get into burnout. Yes. And why we chose this

[00:06:25] Natalie McMillan: topic, right. Well, you know, as just people trying to make their way in.

Stage capitalist society amidst a pandemic and another financial crisis. It's not like a giant surprise. Why a lot of us are feeling very burnt out. Yeah. Just that sentence burns me out. Yeah. To, to be honest. Fair enough. So we figured we'd dive into burnout and how to overcome it. If it's something you're currently experiencing

[00:06:52] Corinne Foxx: and like always we start with some stats and some facts.

[00:06:55] Natalie McMillan: We like stats and faxes, snacks and hacks.

[00:06:59] Corinne Foxx: We love it all. So according to the American psychological association, 2021 work and wellbeing survey, 79% of employees experienced work related stress in the previous month. So nearly. Three in five employees reported negative impacts of work related stress, including lack of interest, motivation and energy, 26% and lack of effort at work.

19%. Meanwhile, 36% reported cognitive weariness, 32% reported emotional exhaustion and an astounding 44% reported physical fatigue, which was an increase. 38% in 2019. None of those numbers are small. No, no, no, no. Like lack of motivation, lack of interest, physical, physical fatigue, but what was even more fascinating was the burnout rates by industry.

So more than four in 10 K through 12 workers in the us, 44% say they always or very often feel burned out at work outpacing all the. Industries, nationally that

[00:08:15] Natalie McMillan: very much tracks,

[00:08:16] Corinne Foxx: correct. Our teachers, right. They're burnt out the most. Yes. And there's a lot of reasons we can get into very many reasons, but the second industry was college and university workers.

They have the next highest burnout level at 35%, really just making educators like in general, the most burned out groups in the us workforce. Yes. And we do

[00:08:40] Natalie McMillan: not pay them enough. That's why that's probably why they're burnt out there also working multiple jobs. They wa they're, they're single mothers.

They're washing and they're drying.

[00:08:48] Corinne Foxx: Yes. But this is also in like an American situation. Yeah. Because according to the organization for economic cooperation and development, 11% of us employees work 50 hours or more every week. And the average American will spend at least 40% of their day working. And on top of that research, Gallup shows that Americans are more likely to be stressed and worried than most other countries in the world due to this uneven work life balance.

Americans are more at risk for burnout. Yeah.

[00:09:25] Natalie McMillan: Do we have work life balance right? 40% of your day seems low

that's

[00:09:30] Corinne Foxx: at least. So the, the, the bare minimum. Is 40%. Someone's doing 40% of their day. Yeah. But mostly you're doing more than half. I'm gonna say it's like

[00:09:40] Natalie McMillan: 80%. Yeah. yeah. Yeah. It's

[00:09:43] Corinne Foxx: very healthy. Okay.

So we've been talking about it a lot, but what is burnout,

[00:09:47] Natalie McMillan: Natalie? Okay, so burnout in 2019, the world health organization brought some attention to the issue by defining burnout as a syndrome associated with chronic stress at work that goes UN manage. A syndrome. It is a syndrome. Ah, isn't that wild, it's important to address burnout because it has serious consequences for individuals' mental health.

It's a risk factor for depression, substance abuse, and even suicide burnout can also be contagious and often affects entire workplaces.

[00:10:20] Corinne Foxx: That makes sense. One person's burned out then. Now everyone else feeling off that energy. Yes.

[00:10:26] Natalie McMillan: Energy is very real burnout. According to again, the world health organization is characterized by feelings of energy, depletion or exhaustion, increased mental distance from one's job or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one's job and reduced professional efficacy.

End quote, burnout refers specifically to phenomena in the occupational context and should not be applied to describe experiences in other areas of

[00:10:58] Corinne Foxx: life. I, I, I beg to differ. I do too. I'm thinking about single mom. They can be burnt out at, at home too, even though the world health organization. Only recognizes it in the workforce.

I do think you can be burned out in other places too.

[00:11:12] Natalie McMillan: I fully agree. And you know, who else agrees? Web MD. Oh, Dr. Web MD. Okay. Yeah, they say that burnout is a form of exhaustion caused by constantly feeling swamped. It's a result of excessive and prolonged emotional, physical, and mental stress. And in many cases is related

[00:11:28] Corinne Foxx: to one's job.

I like that. Yeah. In many

[00:11:30] Natalie McMillan: cases, I think in many cases, yes. But you can be so burnt out by relationships by I get burnt out by food. Sometimes I get burnt out

[00:11:40] Corinne Foxx: with Archie. Yeah. I love, I love my dog, but yes. If I being a parent being a

[00:11:44] Natalie McMillan: parent, right. I can imagine that is very, very burnout inducing. Yes. But what is the difference between burnout and depression?

Cause I know they can probably feel.

[00:11:56] Corinne Foxx: Similar. Yeah. Yeah. Oftentimes burnout and depression can mirror each other. However, in contrast to depression, burnout tends to be a response to a specific environment or a situation. So say you're working more hours unusual or dealing with something specific going on in your life.

So causes of depression tend to be like broader in general, whereas. Burnout, we can really pinpoint what is causing these types of symptoms, Uhhuh. So it's more specified. Yes. Like, you know, like if you're at work and then you leave work, you're like, I feel better. That's burnout,

[00:12:30] Natalie McMillan: right? You're just like absolutely dreading.

You're like, I can't even do

[00:12:33] Corinne Foxx: this. Right. But there are three types of burnout right now.

[00:12:36] Natalie McMillan: So according to the Harvard business review, there are three types of burnout. Okay. Number one, overload burnout. So with overload, burnout, people work harder and even more frantically in search of. This feels very American.

Mm they're. Willing to risk their health and personal life in pursuit of their ambition. And these types of burnout experiences tend to cope by complaining. Oh yeah. That's probably, you know, that contagious. In the workplace aspect, mm-hmm, , you're complaining. And then your coworkers, like, you know what?

Yeah. Then you're all complaining. The second type is under challenge burnout. So signs of under challenge, burnout include not feeling appreciated boredom and a lack of learning opportunities because these people find no passion or enjoyment in their work. They cope by distancing themselves from their.

This type of indifference leads to cynicism, avoidance of responsibility and overall disengagement. Mm, okay. Yeah. Okay. I can see that. And then the third is neglect burnout. So this subtype of burnout results from feeling helpless at work. People may feel incompetent or unable to keep up with the demands of their jobs.

And these types of employees tend to be passive and unmotivated.

[00:13:55] Corinne Foxx: Okay. Okay. But

[00:13:57] Natalie McMillan: let's talk about some of the

[00:13:59] Corinne Foxx: causes. Yeah. Well, one of the causes of burnout or any of these three types of burnout is lack of control. So an inability to influence decisions that affect your job such as your schedule assignments or workload.

Could lead to job burnouts. So could a lack of resources. You need to do your works. Mm-hmm I, I, I hate that when you're not given the things you need to do the job, the tools, the tools we need, the tools. Another thing is not a surprise work life imbalance. So if your work takes up so much of your time and effort that you don't.

Energy to spend with your family and your friends, you might burn out quickly. Another cause of burnout is dysfunctional workplace dynamics. So perhaps you work with an office bully or you feel undermined by colleagues or your boss micromanages your work. This can contribute to job stress. And I will say whenever I hear Joe like complaining about work, it really is a lot of these dynamics that can get really overwhelming and exhausting.

Yeah. And you have to go to sometimes

[00:15:07] Natalie McMillan: you're like, oh, we are very lucky that we work. Just like, kind of on our own or with each other. Yeah. Or with people that we've like pretty much chosen. Right. But I can see how, if you've got some mad workplace drama,

[00:15:21] Corinne Foxx: exhausting, another cause of burnout is lack of social support.

If you feel isolated at work and in your personal life, you might feel more stressed. And another cause of burnout is extremes of activity. So a job is monotonous. Or chaotic, you need constant energy to remain focused, which can lead to fatigue and job burnout. So these are all the things that are contributing to so many people feeling stressed, especially mm-hmm Americans.

Yeah. So if you're listening right now and you're like, okay, I. Think this might be me. What are some of the signs of burnout? Yes.

[00:15:59] Natalie McMillan: So number one seems pretty straightforward. Exhaustion. You may feel drained and unable emotionally to deal with problems around you, both professional and personal. You may experience extreme tiredness, low feelings leaving you.

Energy and these symptoms can show themselves in physical pain, stomach or bowel problems. Also, I think probably like headaches. Yeah. Like my eyes get really like tired and sore, kind of another sign is alienation from activity. So look for signs of cynicism and frustration towards work and colleagues, you may start to distance yourself, emotionally feeling numb about your work and environ.

[00:16:42] Corinne Foxx: Hmm. You're like disassociated. You're

[00:16:44] Natalie McMillan: like I'm outta here. Mentally. Another sign is reduced performance. This can occur at work home or when caring for family members, because you have no energy left for everyday tasks. Burnout makes it hard to concentrate, handle responsibilities or. Be creative. You may not realize that you've hit burnout until it's too late.

When you've crossed the line between I'm really tired and I'm too exhausted to function, right? Yeah. Alternatively, you might be the type of personality who likes to stay busy and might not. Recognize when you're doing too much. Yeah. Mm-hmm I think we get, we, we do that. Yeah, we do too much. It's mental illness though.

It's a

[00:17:29] Corinne Foxx: meant for us.

[00:17:32] Natalie McMillan: burnout. Isn't just bad for you emotionally. It has physical consequences as well. In fact, in a 2017 study, it was found that burnout is associated with health risks that include cardiovascular disease, type two diabetes, high cholesterol, bone, and joint pain, fatigue, headaches, gastrointestinal, and respiratory issues, and even death before the age of 40.

Jesus Christ.

[00:18:00] Corinne Foxx: I mean, not

[00:18:01] Natalie McMillan: death, not death before 45. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. But you can't overcome it.

[00:18:08] Corinne Foxx: Hey, how to podcast or how you die on us?

[00:18:11] Natalie McMillan: No. So what are our. Steps to overcome miss burnout.

[00:18:15] Corinne Foxx: Okay. So the first step is to prioritize self care. So according to Monique valor, who has a PhD, she's a professor and a contributor to the Harvard business review, prioritizing good sleep habits, nutrition, exercise, social connection, and.

Practices that promote equanimity and wellbeing like meditating, journaling and enjoying nature are all very important to replenish your soul. Mm-hmm if you're having trouble squeezing such activities into your packed schedule, give yourself a week to assess exactly how you're spending your time. If you need to look at your little schedule mm-hmm , you can write it down on a good old fashioned paper or a spreadsheet.

And then for each block of time record what you're doing. Whom you're with and how you feel, for example, on a scale of like one to 10, where one equals angry or drained and 10 is joyful or energized, and then how valuable the activity is, this will help you find opportunities to limit your exposure, to tasks, people, and situations that.

Aren't essential and put you in a negative mood, increase your investment in those that boost your energy and make space for restful positive time away from work. Yeah.

[00:19:35] Natalie McMillan: We were just talking about this the other day, cuz we're both introverts and it's like being with people

[00:19:41] Corinne Foxx: like it's the energy, right?

It's the person. It's not that. Obviously I'll lose energy being around people, but it goes a lot faster when it's people who are draining. Right. Right. So if you

[00:19:52] Natalie McMillan: can, if you can figure those people out in your little

[00:19:55] Corinne Foxx: audit, then you can be like, oh, you can also like skirt around them in the office. Right.

Right. Let me skirt around you. Yeah. Another way to overcome burnout is to shift your perspective while rest relaxation and replenishment can ease exhaustion, curb, cynicism, and enhance efficacy. They don't fully address the root cause of burnout back at the office. You may still face the same and possible workload untenable conflicts, or paltry resources.

So now you must take a look close. At your mindset and assumptions, what aspects of your situation are truly fixed and which can you change altering your perspective can buffer the negative impact of even the inflexible aspects. If exhaustion is a key problem, ask yourself which task, including critical ones you could delegate to free up meaningful time and energy for other

[00:20:53] Natalie McMillan: important.

Yeah, I think we get into

[00:20:55] Corinne Foxx: that. You get into like a negative spiral. Yes. And then everything's negative.

[00:20:59] Natalie McMillan: Right? And then you can also get into a spiral of everything's important. I can't, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm , mm-hmm this work is as important as my life. It's not. It's simply not. So another way is to reduce exposure to job stressors.

This involves resetting the expectation of colleagues, clients, and even family members for what and how much you are willing to take on as well as ground rules for working together. You may get pushback, but doubters must know that you're making these changes to improve your long term productivity and to protect your health set boundaries,

[00:21:37] Corinne Foxx: set

[00:21:37] Natalie McMillan: boundaries.

And honestly, if you need them to reference something, send them this episode and let them here that you can die before the age of 45. Hey, okay. You are protecting your

[00:21:46] Corinne Foxx: health. Yes, you are. You really are.

[00:21:48] Natalie McMillan: And finally seek out connections, the best antidote to burnout, particularly when it's driven by cynicism and inefficacy is seeking out rich interpersonal interactions and continual personal and professional development.

Find coaches and mentors who can help you identify and activate positive relationships and learning opportunities. Volunteering to advise others is another particularly effective way of breaking out of a negative cycle. Hmm. Given the influence of situational factors on burnout, it's likely that others in your organization are suffering too.

And if you band together to offer mutual support, identify problems and brainstorm and advocate for your solutions, you will all increase your sense of control and connection.

[00:22:36] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. So band together, band together, set boundaries, prioritize yourself and your self care. And also look at your mindset, look at how you are looking at the situation and see what can I do?

How can I, can we reframe, can we do a reframe? And then also if all this happens and you feel like, you know what, it's just the job we got up. So. And we, we, we, we do, we have an episode on how to quit your job so you can go and listen to that. Yes, yes you can. All right. So we hope you guys learn more about burnout.

What it is, how to know if you're experiencing burnout and how to overcome it. Annette, now that we are. Reignited, our souls are reignited, fully reignited. wait, let's circle back. on the line. We are struggling today and let's rate it to our hot of the week. Yeah.

[00:23:29] Natalie McMillan: Ooh. Should we introduce the hot first? I think you should.

Okay. So I threw this out as a, as an option and I was very excited that Karen agreed. We

[00:23:40] Corinne Foxx: usually, we don't normally agree. We don't normally, and this was a stretch, but that's very specific version in that. Okay. Yes.

[00:23:48] Natalie McMillan: This is David Harbor from stranger things. This season four, David Harbor. Mm-hmm Popp. Had a major

[00:23:55] Corinne Foxx: blow up him.

Okay. When he shaved his head, he shaved head. I don't know if you guys don't watch stranger things you want know we're talking about, but you can check our Instagram stories and you can see, but he shaved his head and he's very, he bulked

[00:24:06] Natalie McMillan: up. Yeah. He's like rugged. He's very rugged. I mean, he has been in prison for like a solid year.

Right,

[00:24:12] Corinne Foxx: right, right, right, right. But he was giving something he has, has not G he's not given. Yeah. Gave it, he has not gave it yet, but yeah. And, and we were into it. We were very, and you know, I love a shaved. He looked AMA whenever he comes on and I watch him with Joe, I'm like, he's so hot, he's hot. And Joe's like, I get it.

Kurt. I'm like so hot. And then the next theme's like back and I'm like,

[00:24:31] Natalie McMillan: so hot. any the shortly scene? I haven't got there yet.

[00:24:36] Corinne Foxx: Oh,

[00:24:36] Natalie McMillan: I forgot you. Haven't got there yet. I know. I still have the last fortuitous. Oh my God. I can't wait. Okay. So Joe's like, I'm gonna leave the room.

[00:24:45] Corinne Foxx: okay. So remind us of our wine.

[00:24:48] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. Bell Cole. Barlo symposium. Okay. It's

[00:24:54] Corinne Foxx: a red from Italy. Okay. And one to hopper in season, season four, David Harbor, who had, who wins the glow up award? What are we reading

[00:25:05] Natalie McMillan: it? I really am not into it. I'd give it a. Maybe a three. I'm gonna give it a three. Okay. I'll give it a three.

[00:25:15] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. Cause I wouldn't drink this at a restaurant.

I'd be like, I don't like this. I don't know if I would send it. I wouldn't send it back. I just would be like, I don't like this. Yeah. I

[00:25:23] Natalie McMillan: think I would just like sip on it to be, um, like polite kind. But I was also, as I took some sippy to make my decision, I was like, I don't even think having food with it would, you know, cause that sometimes changes my mind if I'm like, oh, this certain meal.

It's not the

[00:25:39] Corinne Foxx: one. It's not the, it's not the one. All right. Well's always in there. It's always in there. Yeah.

All right. This is the part of the show where we play a little wrap up game. And this week we're giving you solicited advice solicited. We changed the name. So you guys have written in, these are from our listeners. They're gonna be anonymous, but these are some things going on in your lives that you would like our help on.

Yes. And we're your bestie where your girlies we'll keep it true. We got a SD in the room. Be, be

[00:26:13] Natalie McMillan: careful. Be careful. I will tell you the truth. Careful what you wish for. So I'm gonna read the first one here from our DMS. Okay. We

[00:26:20] Corinne Foxx: have a DM. Yes.

[00:26:21] Natalie McMillan: Down in the DM, down in the DM. It says, Hey girls, I need advice regarding long distance relationships been there.

Yeah, you're gonna be good with this one. My boyfriend is going to study in the Netherlands, very proud but sad at the same time. Our love language is physical touch, and I have no idea how we're going to manage during this time. Mm-hmm as a very emotional person. Every time we try to talk about this, I start to cry and I can't really say anything help.

We've been together for almost four years. And I do know that we can overcome this as we have overcome a lot already, but I really would love to hear your advice on how to make this time as pleasant and happy as possible for the both of us. Thank you girls for what you're doing. This is the best podcast for my workouts and I'm always the girl giggling on the dread mill.

Oh my God. I love

[00:27:16] Corinne Foxx: that. I love that. Okay. Well, Corin has been here. I've been here, so I was in my last relationship. For six months of it, we were long distance. He was living in Colorado and I was living here. And then there was also a point where like he was living New York and I was like back and forth between LA and New York.

Oh yeah. I also had a long distance boyfriend in early college, but that didn't really count. Oh, he lived in Fullerton.

[00:27:41] Natalie McMillan: Well also. Yeah, well that could have been that's technically long, but you also kind had a long distance. When you were in London, that's the one I was thinking

[00:27:49] Corinne Foxx: of. Oh yeah. Yeah. But those are, but the real, the real long distance I did was six months when yeah.

My last relationship was in Colorado and I was here and I had fly. We were flying on the weekends. I forgot about that. Yeah. So here is the tough pill to swallow, which it didn't sound like this was a permanent move. I don't know if long distance works. If there is not an. If there's not an end goal of like, when are we gonna be together?

Right. Is it gonna be, are you going to school for two years? Okay. In two years, then we are together. If it's like, he's moving to the Netherlands and you never wanna move there. And that's where he's gonna base his career. I'm worried because I haven't seen it end well, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.

Yeah. Cause she's

[00:28:33] Natalie McMillan: saying he's just going to study. Oh

[00:28:35] Corinne Foxx: yeah, yeah. Okay. Cool girl, girl. We are gonna be okay. Yeah.

[00:28:38] Natalie McMillan: But. How long is the program? Like let's get a plan.

[00:28:41] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. Let's not have it open ended. No, there has to be like an end goal because there are gonna be times where it's really hard, but when you know, like, okay, in two years we're gonna be together, blah, blah, blah.

It's all gonna work out then. That's fine. Yeah. The great thing is FaceTime exists. And if your love language is physical touch, there are things, you know, you can do, you can do. On FaceTime. There's also these really cute. Okay. They're um, I'll, I'll link it in the show notes. You can, the little pillow things.

Oh, there's that? But there's also the little lights. You can get two lights and he gets one. You get one and if you tap it, it like flickers. Oh. And so when you're thinking of each other, like his will flicker in his room and yours will flicker in yours. Um, and then also since you have like a time zone situation, you're gonna really have to find like your set times to talk.

Yes. I was gonna say that whether it's, when he's getting up in the morning on his way to school and you are coming back from work at the end of the day, like have these set times, and then also FaceTime dates, setting up date nights where you're both drinking wine, you're playing games. You watch a movie together.

There are ways to make it work. And then obviously, like my rule was, and I was really blessed to be able to is not go more than five weeks without seeing, um, my partner at the time. But obviously he's when we to different countries. So it's a different situation, but plan out your trips ahead of time. So you have something look forward to like this many days until he see you this many days until I see you.

You know, just, yeah, I was gonna

[00:30:09] Natalie McMillan: say, I really think that the success in this will be the level of like, pre-planning, it doesn't sound romantic to be like, no. Okay. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, we're gonna talk at this time. Like, but I think that's necessary. Yeah. Especially with the time difference.

[00:30:25] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. Yeah. You're gonna definitely have to, to pre-plan, but I have faith with you guys and getting little things. Yeah. Four years they've four years is a long time. You're in it for the long haul. And as long as there's a foreseeable end to the long term relationship, you should be good girl. Or if

[00:30:42] Natalie McMillan: she is like, oh, I could move to the Netherlands.

[00:30:46] Corinne Foxx: Right. Maybe you could, maybe you could spend the summer spend like a couple, you know? Yeah. Take some, you. The holiday do a whole month there. Ooh, that'd be fun. I know. Yeah. I'm very excited for you. I don't I'm I think this, I know this is gonna work out. Yeah, I know it. Keep us posted girl. Okay. We, so that was a DM, but we also got an email.

[00:31:06] Natalie McMillan: We love an email. I don't think you guys realize how excited we are when we get good

[00:31:10] Corinne Foxx: emails. And this email is to, am I doing this right? Pod gmail.com. Okay. Here we. It says, hi, you too. It is literally such an honor to even be able to type this email to you all. Oh my God. I'm sending all my love and light and praise.

And thanks to you both as y'all have helped me through so much. And I only just started listening about four months ago. So one of the things I've been working on within myself is setting boundaries and being stern towards people and situations outside of my personal circle. I E dealing with problems that may arise amongst coworkers, customers, and even newer friends in my life.

I've done a lot of shadow work and maturing within myself, but once I step outta my comfort zone and into the workforce, it's very hard to carry those standards and character traits with me. Even today, I had a conversation with. One of my other coworkers who inspired me to speak up a little bit more.

And even though I'm very outspoken, when it comes to my siblings, close friends and boyfriend, it's very hard to speak up to people that I don't know so well. And I'm finding this to be something that's deeply bothering me. I. I have, I have stuff to say on this. I'm not sure if maybe y'all have already done an episode relating to my suggestion, but if you haven't and you two could help even just a little bit, it would mean the world to me.

Thank you so much for giving us an opportunity to reach out to you all and connect on a deeper level in the most normal and accepting way possible. I love you both. We love you. I love you. Thank you for all the insight and entertainment over the past couple of months. Stay golden. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Stay golden. And no, I'll be looking out for new episodes every week. Thank you. Oh my God. Oh my God. We love you so, so much. Love you. Okay. Not do you wanna go? Yes. Okay. So

[00:33:02] Natalie McMillan: this is a thing that I think we all struggle with as women, as women. It's very common. Mm-hmm and it is this need to people, please. We actually will have an episode coming

[00:33:14] Corinne Foxx: out on that.

Yes, we do have an episode coming out in people pleasing. Yes. So that'll

[00:33:18] Natalie McMillan: be a helpful one. Um, that should be in a few weeks. Yeah. A couple weeks. So that will be helpful. My question for you to ponder on, or like bust out a journal. If you haven't done this already is to kind of figure out where does the need to people please come from?

Mm-hmm did you have a parent? That if, if you weren't like on your game, they'd be mad at you. Was there some sort of specific memory, because a lot of the patterns that we fall into as adults actually start when we're very young.

[00:33:52] Corinne Foxx: What I think is interesting though, is that she said she can do it with her.

Siblings, her boyfriend, like people close it's people that aren't close to her that she feels. And I can understand that like, well, that's what I was thinking. I wonder

[00:34:05] Natalie McMillan: if there's like some person that she didn't really know or something.

[00:34:10] Corinne Foxx: well, what I've learned in terms of people pleasing is what works for you.

What's beneficial for you is actually beneficial for everyone. Yes. And so when you're getting nervous to go up and, you know, maybe stand up for something that you really believe in or stand up for something you think is fair for you don't think you're being selfish. Don't think, oh my God, I'm being selfish because I'm standing up to this person.

Just know that whatever you're trying to implement is gonna actually help the whole ecosystem, the whole workforce. If you are happier, you're gonna do better work. That is in turn, going to help the entire company or whatever you're working. Yeah. So don't feel like you are being this big, bad person come in.

Like, okay. I actually have some information. That's gonna make my life a lot easier. And it's also gonna. Other people because I'm gonna be happier. Yes,

[00:34:59] Natalie McMillan: yes. And that is a hurdle in itself. Yeah. Because a lot of times it's like, you know, oh, I don't deserve to be ha you know what I mean? Mm-hmm, like, well, at least that's how I will fall into things like that.

So it's really like pump yourself up. Yeah. Like realize how valuable you are because you are. You are, you are, I can tell from that email.

[00:35:21] Corinne Foxx: Okay. We hope that helped let us know if you stand up to one of your yes. Bosses, coworkers. Yes. We'd love to know

[00:35:28] Natalie McMillan: and keep us posted after you listen to the people pleasing episode.

Yes. Which

[00:35:32] Corinne Foxx: will be forthcoming. Okay. And then we had one more. Advice solicited advice. Yes. Coming through actually response to our IG story sticker. Yes. Uh, we asked you guys, what do you need advice on? And someone wrote it and said, they said my

[00:35:49] Natalie McMillan: father-in-law passed away. Two days ago. Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say to my husband.

What is the right thing to say? If any at all, this is time. Yes. And we're so sorry.

[00:36:03] Corinne Foxx: Yes. I'm so sorry for you, your husband. I would say this is something that I, I experienced some grief at the top of the year, and I know that Joe. Was like, how do I support Karen? And one time I looked at his computer screen and he had up on his computer.

How to like how to provide support to your partner.

[00:36:25] Natalie McMillan: Who's

[00:36:25] Corinne Foxx: grieving in Google. I was like, oh my God, it was so cute. But I think being there at all is enough and you're not gonna have the words. Definitely think what's not helpful is saying like, it's gonna be okay or they're right. It could be worse.

They're in a better place. Like sometimes that's just like not the right thing. And they just, someone wants to be held and wants to just CR like, I felt the most benefit when Joe would just hold me and I would just. Cry. Right. And he didn't have to say anything. Yeah. He just had to be there. And also maybe taking on some of the, I mean, if it's your father-in-law and it's your husband, I'm sure there's a lot of things that he has to take care of and, and, and offering like, Hey, what can I do in terms of like, you know, planning or coordinating that, like I can take off your plate.

Yeah. Or also, what can I just take off your plate in general, in general? Step at home. Do you need to sleep in for a couple of days? Yes. Can I pick up the slack? What can I do?

[00:37:23] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. What is the best way that I can care for you right now? I also think, um, ask, like, if you just ask saying like, do you need comforting right now?

Or do you need words? Mm-hmm you know what I mean? Cause sometimes you need the words and sometimes you just need the like presence just. Sit with me, you know, I

[00:37:45] Corinne Foxx: also felt a lot of pressure when I was going through and I saw obviously I'm grieving and, and, but it doesn't go away. It's a process when people would say, well, what can tell me, let me know what I can do.

Right. It's like, I'm not gonna text you and be like, Hey, actually, can you bring me soup to it's like, yeah, no, sometimes you just have to take an yeah. And be like, I, I know they're not gonna ask me to, and I'm just gonna, I'm gonna make dinner tonight or I'm going schedule them a massage. Right. I'm just gonna do

[00:38:12] Natalie McMillan: it.

And you could, even if you're kind of like unsure, like, I don't know if they're schedule or something, you could say, um, like. I'm gonna make you dinner tonight. Like, is that okay? Like, can I bring it at this time? Yeah. And if they're like, oh, I can't, but then be like, what about tomorrow? You know? Yeah. I

[00:38:26] Corinne Foxx: think sometimes just doing, and I, I, I don't know.

I always felt like it was a burden when people would say, well, let, let me know if there's any of the, I can do. I'm like, okay, hang on now. We're gonna, I'm never gonna reach out. No, no, no. You know, but I'm sorry you're going through that and I'm sorry, your family's going through that. A lot. It's a lot. So we, we hope you guys find some peace throughout all of this.

And you guys, if you guys have stuff going on in your life and you wanna email us, you always can. Am I doing this right pod@gmail.com? And if you liked this episode, we actually have similar ones, episode 97, like we said, it's called peace out, peacefully in it as when and how to quit your job. So if you're listening and you were like, yeah, no, I gotta.

Yeah, episode 97 or episode 67, which is how to recognize and combat depression with our fave guy, Dr. Ken. Oh God, I love Dr. Ken. It's such a good episode. So if you're not sure if it's burnout or depression yeah. Go back and listen to that one. Cuz that's a really good episode. Does

[00:39:28] Natalie McMillan: he, is he still, the only man we've

[00:39:30] Corinne Foxx: ever had?

Dr. Ken is the only man we've ever had on the sh on the show. I love him and we love him and he is deserving as he is. All right. You guys, well, feel free to re interview the podcast if you love it, because we love you and we'll be back next week with another episode. Bye bye.