Hello, and welcome to another episode of the genius podcast.

My name is Karen Doyle, founder of the genius project an initiative

for Catholic women designed to support and resource them towards

growth in all areas of their life, spiritual, personal, and professional.

We seek to do this through the Catholic women's masterclass

out online events and the.

the Genius Podcast ladies.

At the end of this week, we will be entering into advent and is that

beautiful season of preparation where we prepare to receive Christ within

us at Christmas, as part of this adventure preparation, I would love to

invite you to join us for the Catholic women's advent or trait coming in.

On the 11th of December, Australian time and the evening of the 10th of December,

if you're in the USA, we've got some fabulous speakers who are going to really

unpack these theme around what it means to prepare for him to prepare for Christ.

So ladies, check that out on the website.

There is a link in the podcast notes for this retreat.

We hope that you're joining us there.

Our guest on this week's genius.

Poke cost is the fantastic Catherine Whitticker Catherine and her husband

live with their six children in Texas.

She is a sixth generation Texan.

So her Twain is legit.

She's the author of the book live big love Vigo, which is a fabulous rate.

And in today's episode, we're going to deep dive into what it means

to say yes, as she says, hello.

So sit back, relax and enjoy this episode with Catherine Widicur.

Uh, what Katherine, welcome to the genius podcast.

It's such a blessing to have you join us all the way from Texas in the USA.

My husband's favorite stage.

So

welcome.

Thank you.

You know, one of the big reasons I did it because I just wanted to hear your accent.

Well, I

tell you what I want to hear yours out of all the us states.

I love that Southern, uh, that Texas exit.

It's fantastic.

So when you get talking, I'm sure our ladies are gonna fall in love.

But, um, look I meant to, oh, well, I connected with you over Instagram,

um, more recently, but I've been following you for the past 12 months

and something that really just stood out for me and connected me to was this

beautiful gift of faith that you have.

And as you share that will just come through in your story, but you have

just really authentic, like your.

Not afraid to be vulnerable.

You're not afraid to admit the struggle that co-exists with

all the wonderful parts of life.

And that, that really attracted me to you and following you.

And then I asked, reached out and asked if you'd be a guest on the podcast and

we've had a bit of juggling haven't we trying to get the right time.

But

I mean, that's LA pride.

It totally is.

And so it is a blessing.

You also know Laura Roland.

She was a good friend of mine and she has been on this podcast.

So it's a real joy and a gift to have you, so thank you for your time.

So I think, look, it's going to be a great conversation, but before we deep

dive into that, would you just share a little bit with Alison is about

who you are and I guess your story.

You bet.

So I grew up in Texas, so six generations back.

So I'm really authentic and I really am.

It's it's between real, I'm married to my husband.

We've been married 25 years and we have six kids.

Our youngest is seven and our oldest is 20.

So we ranged from primary elementary school all the way up to college, and

I'm actually a convert to Catholicism.

So I converted about an hour before the rehearsal for our wedding.

So it was actually yes, via my wedding was also my first communion.

So I like to load all my sacraments all, all at the same time.

And, um, and one of our children was born premature.

He was kiddo number five.

And he completely rocked our world.

And so I wrote a book about that live big, love, bigger, and really

talked in that book a lot about living an authentic cross center loss.

So when you were talking about authenticity, I'm a really bad liar.

Like you're just going to get me.

Just fully unfiltered Katherine.

So I'm, I'm really bad at being other people, but I'm

halfway decent at being myself.

And so I think Luke's birth and, you know, just lost in between

then and now has helped me kind of form who God wants me to be.

And I'm still learning along the way, but that's probably, and I love Dr.

Pepper.

I don't know if you'll have Australia, if you all have that in Australia,

but it's my favorite thing to do.

Besides sweet

tea.

Is it?

I don't think it is.

I don't think.

What is it called?

Doctor,

doctor Dr.

Pepper.

It's like it, is it like a soda?

I guess we call them Cokes.

Yeah, but better than Coke.

No, I've never seen it.

Coke is I have to admit, this is really, this is a shameful moment.

It's my go-to because I don't drink coffee and I don't drink tea.

So if I'm tired or need it here, it's.

And I actually, I don't drink, I don't drink coffee either.

I'm not a drinker.

I only started drinking Coke, my friend and I backpacked around

the U S in 1999 for six weeks.

And that is the first time I had Coke.

I was like 22.

I'd never had it before.

So that was the beginning of what I have to talk about that some other time.

That's fascinating.

I love that.

Katherine sharing a little bit with me.

Your son came along premature.

And you said that really rocked your world as we know it does.

And whether women are experiencing that situation, but, or any other situation

we do face these times in our life.

Don't we, where things just happen to us life happens and it totally

rips the rug out from under us.

And we're really forced to reevaluate.

What we've built our life on and how we're actually doing life.

So how did that experience for you sort of, I mean, obviously it ripped the rug

out from under you, but what was that experience actually like for you as a mum

that you had other children, you married.

Well, um, I had given birth four times with zero problems.

I was the textbook pregnancy.

And so when Luke came along, he was not textbook.

He was anything, but whatever the small percentage was that could go wrong or

whatever, it all went wrong with him.

I felt a little bit blindsided by Jesus, to be honest.

And I was really frustrated.

'cause.

I was like, Jesus, I did all these things.

Did you not see my sticker chart?

Like all the things that I've done, right.

Don't those count for anything?

And.

So it was difficult.

I mean, not always, I grew up with a deep faith, even though it

was as an evangelical Protestant, but I'll always love Jesus, but

this was the first time really.

I mean, hard things had happened up until then, but this was the first time really

that it was really put to the test.

And I was grateful that we had spent all the years prior to

that building community, building people that loved and supported us.

So when.

It felt like we got slammed up against the wall.

All these people showed up and they were Jesus staffs.

And I was like, I cannot walk away from a Jesus that sends these amazing

people in our lives to carry us when, just in the moment that we need.

And so every time that I would ask Jesus, please show me that you love us.

Show us that you haven't abandoned us.

He would send me a religious sister.

That's no, that's no joke.

And it still happens today when I'm at my worst, he always sends me one.

So I think I just learned.

That on the days that you can't do it, build the community.

So on the days that you can't, they can, they can help.

Um, absolutely.

I know we had a similar experience.

Couple of years ago.

We just came back from the U S from speaking to her and my husband rolled

a excavated down a very steep driveway.

W, you know, bad injury to his head and broke both of his arms and a

similar experience, just people coming out of the woodwork to support us.

And it's quite a humbling experience.

Isn't it?

When you are carried by and w it's firstly, that admitting that you need to

be carried and then allowing others to carry you through that difficult season.

Did you

have that blow for sure.

Yeah.

I mean, I think that you first, first, when something like that

happens my top a person, I was like, oh no, no, no, we got it.

I can cook.

I can still clean.

Like we can still run all the kids.

And then finally, at least in Luke's case, so he was born premature and spent

time in the neonatal intensive care.

I was completely tapped out.

Like I literally couldn't do anything.

And I finally, after what I felt like was a moment of weakness,

reached out to a couple of people and said, Hey, can you help?

And then I realized that is not weak to ask for help.

That is actually what God asks us to do, because we're not meant to carry our cross

as alone, but you talk about a humbling.

Yeah, it's, it's very humbling to know that you're going to have to

ask for help in order to survive.

And people gladly do it.

I remember feeling guilty and one of my friends looked at me.

She said, Catherine, that's how people are loving you.

Don't deny them the opportunity to love you.

And it changed my perspective.

And so the, the benefit of receiving all that grace is that

now I get to pay it forward.

And I get to share that with other families in many different

circumstances, because I know what it's like to be in the gutter.

And I know what it's like to feel.

Like you just can't do it another

day.

Amen.

It's so true.

I know recently we had, um, a beautiful friend of ours.

She lost her young son and he took his life and that was very unexpected.

And she says, you know, we were all the Simons of serene to.

Just the women that came alongside her, um, to help her carry that cross because

there are simply some crosses in this life that are too hard to bear on our own.

And that we actually are not meant to, like he said, that's not God's plan

for us to struggle and hustle alone.

And an ultimately that just leads to burnout.

Doesn't it.

And exhaustion.

Well, and I think that when you enter into somebody else's suffering.

So when you willingly walk into that, it changes you.

We had a dear friend who lost her 16 month old in a tragic accident.

And it was my first real up-close experience with death where I

willingly walked into the suffering.

And I was terrified because death really freaked me out.

But I did it because I loved her and it completely transformed my face life.

And it certainly prepared me that experience our experience with

a NICU baby prepared us when my father passed away in January.

I mean, God allows you those experiences so that when.

You reach another hard place.

You're like, you know what, not only is it familiar, like you're like I've

been here before, but you're also, I think, much more attuned to the way

in which he's working in that moment.

So you can see the grace and that's the suffering and you don't

just see the suffering with Luke.

I only saw the suffering.

It wasn't until later that I saw the grace and as those other

things happened, I could see gee.

And so it's, it's a difficult thing to describe that you

carry at the same moment, deep suffering, but deep gratitude.

And, um, I think that can only be a God because there's no way that

you can hold both of those and give them honor if he wasn't present.

So

without a doubt, and I know my friend says the same, she said, you know, there's

just this immense gratitude for all the graces that God brought into her life.

And it's astounding that, you know, you can go through.

Immense level of suffering of losing a child, but be so grateful for

the graces at the same time, which is exactly what you're saying.

And to actually witness that, to walk alongside that in a really

intimate way, like is such a gift.

I find it, it still, you know, it makes me quite emotional because

it's such a privilege to enter into someone else's suffering on that level.

It's very personal and I think it's incredibly sacred.

Isn't it?

Just to walk with people.

And yeah, I mean, you can feel it.

Would you call that, um, then places where, um, there are some moments in time.

That you really do see the thin veil between heaven and earth.

It's actually heaven.

It's not nearly as far away as we think it is.

And, um, and you'd have to, I mean, I remember with my dad, there were

a few moments that I had to say deep breath, Katherine, because

man, you were just right on the precipice of heaven, you know, like.

Don't lose the sacredness of this moment.

Don't be busy trying to interpret or whatever, just be just like, let

it, let it kind of wash over you.

And then later, you know, you can micro analyze all of that.

But boy, there was just a lot of grace and just being present

it's um, you know, we call it the holiness of the present moment.

It really, um, We sort of discounted is it's not that important because

we're trying to plan for the next thing or what's the, what's the next deal

that you're going to do or whatever.

And we forget that this moment, like this one that we have right here, this is it.

It's what we got.

Don't don't forget those graces that God gives you.

Absolutely.

I know for myself, I was, my specialty in nursing was oncology and palliative care.

And so that would, um, looking back on those years, nursing people who, and

walking them home to heaven's door.

Honestly, like you said, you do feel that you are standing so close to heaven in

those moments, and they're incredibly sacred and they've been some of the most

sacred moments of my life actually having that privilege has been incredible.

And I think there's two sides of the coin here.

There's the receiving it, the yessing receiving that help from others.

But then there's the yes of entering into that with other people's.

So this yes is something that I really would love to unpack and explore

with you because you've written your book around this power of yes.

And what that actually means, but I'd love to explore those

two sides of the coin of our yes.

As just our personal lives, stewarding our own lives.

And then the yes.

Of entering into someone else's suffering and the yes.

Of responding to a need in another person's life or in the community.

So I was just wondering whether you can share a little bit around

your book and how that came about, because that's a big thing for you.

It's kind of a signature message, isn't it?

Well, yes.

Love it.

Making your yeses count for something.

So I wrote the books.

A small snippet of Luke's story is that, um, on day nine he contracted

an illness called necrotizing enterocolitis, which put him in a

pediatric ICU, um, there in the NICU.

And, um, he stopped breathing and we had to resuscitate him.

And then he underwent emergency surgery.

We're here at a two and 10 chance of survival.

So that was a key part of the story that I think really set up my idea, um, to maybe

I should write this down, so start writing it on a blog as you do, and you know,

the early, mid two thousands and, and.

Got a lot of people that were contacting me, like, oh, I've been

there and I started jotting some things down and I just shelved

it for better lack of the word.

I just put the book to the side and then Jesus tapped him all

hurt when Luke was about 10 years old, nine years old, I guess.

And, um, and I wrote, I wrote a book, but it wasn't just about Luke

and his journey in the NICU, but it was really about Luke's entry into

our life and how it transformed our family, how it deepened our faith.

But yeah.

Really transformed our family culture.

And what I mean by that is, I don't know what it's like in Australia,

but in the states, people have this desire to do all the things because

absolutely you would not want to take away an opportunity for your kids.

So you must say yes to all the sayings.

And we all did that and our family did it.

And finally we hit burnout and we canceled everything and we decided to

get serious about what our yeses mean.

So from a perspective of our family and that book, I really wanted people

to dive deep into, why are you saying yes to the things that you love?

What do they mean and how are they leading towards Jesus?

And so that's really what the book is about.

And that's why I wrote it because I'm very passionate about your yes.

As meaning something I'm Southern and I get a little

sassy and I'm like, you're yes.

Needs to me.

So.

Otherwise, you know, take it somewhere else.

So I felt, I feel very strongly about that.

And it's such an important message for women, particularly.

I think it's important for all humans, but I think particularly for women, because so

often we're saying yes to everything where the perpetual givers, where the perpetual

doers, but when we're saying yes to all the things, we often forget that insane.

Yes.

We're also saying.

So when we're saying yes to being busy and the hustle, we're saying no

to being still with the Lord, we're saying no to our families or our

husbands or to something else that got actually might be calling us into.

And so taking a pause and taking a breath just to still yourself to ask the

Lord, what is it you're calling me to, like, where are you asking me to play?

Because it's not a thing that has to be automatic.

And that's another trap for women is the perpetual people pleasing.

Right.

We all know.

And I think, and I think we're also, I think we're also afraid to say no,

because if we say yes, then we're going to not miss out on the thing.

That God's plan for us or what the next thing is.

And we're afraid that if we say no, we're going to somehow derail God's plans for

our lives, and we're going to miss this big thing or, oh, I could have done that.

But I said no.

And we forget that.

It's okay.

Sometimes.

I mean, I'm certainly in this season right now, which is why

I believe so strongly about it.

I've said no to so many things.

And not because they're bad things, but because my bandwidth can't

do it, I can't serve my family.

I can't be a good wife.

Um, I can't go to Aggie football games.

So that's like an American, like that's our college thing.

So you can't do those things if I'm saying yes to other things, That don't matter.

And so there's the people-pleasing part that LMS, I guess, and we forget

to please God with our own lives.

And then we're afraid that we're going to miss out on stuff.

And in fact, if there's any lesson that I can tell a woman, you're

not going to miss out on it, you're not going to mess up God's plans.

You won't.

It's okay to say no, it really

is.

And I had a priest once say to me, it's better to err on the side of no.

Because the no allows you just to press pause and to really go deeper and

ask the Lord what he wants you to do and where he wants you to place that.

Yes.

I think I

love that priests are so us, there's a preset on this one with the other day.

And he said, if you look out in your garden, um, you know, like in March you

don't see any flowers, but he said April and may of flowers start to show up.

And he said, but you didn't hear.

Then grow.

He said, but the growth happens in the silence.

And he said in the same, as true in a spiritual life, you must give

yourself stillness and quietness in order to grow in faith with Jesus.

And that was for me, a very powerful thing to walk outside and see how things grow.

And I never heard them, but I'll look at how beautiful they are.

And I think if I'm going to allow nature to do that, then surely I have

to allow my interior life to do that.

Absolutely.

And I think just coming back to one thing that just popped into my head

that you'd said before was about, do you know that the experience of your

child's premature birth and that in that moment, there's an invitation

isn't there to either close down.

And become hard or to say yes, and remain open to what the Lord is trying to do.

And, you know, I do a lot of work on this area of the feminine genius

and the receptivity of womanhood.

And I touch on this area of just, I guess, the bliss of mothers.

That her yes.

To the, you know, to God meant salvation for all the world was made possible.

And so for us, I think it's really important to realize that yes, has that

power to bring salvation, whether it's to our own souls, whether it's to others in

pressing pause and just taking a moment and, and to really try and hear from God.

I mean, mother Teresa says that God doesn't speak in the hustle.

He speaks in the stillness and the quiet of our hearts.

Absolutely.

Well, and I think for me, I didn't really lock Mary that much.

I mean, she was kind of nice then I know that's terrible to say.

And then Luke happened and I thought, well, maybe I

should get to know her better.

Thankfully she and Jesus are both very patient with me and

it's been this slow evolution of.

Having a relationship with her, but also really contemplating where her yes.

Really not.

And how do I, how do my little yeses add up to salvation?

Like you said, for my own family and my own life, I may not give birth to a

savior, but I hopefully am giving birth to a lot of really beautiful disciples.

And maybe you're saying, you know, so that's our desire.

Is that our, yes, we just don't see it.

I think that's the hard part is that the bricks that we lay feel very

small and very insignificant, but then when you look at them, We might have

built a foundation there, but those fruits don't come until so much later.

And many times the bricks that we lay, we don't see the fruits of those in our law.

Other people see those.

And so I think that's, our challenge is believing that they matter believing

that our yeses will add up to something big and beautiful and God's time.

Not necessarily.

Yeah.

I love that.

When you say they add up to something big and beautiful because they have to, right.

If I say

I'm counting on it, my salvation on it.

Yes.

And it's the crumb.

That lead us, you know, and often it's not these pictures they're moment where

we're like, oh, that's God's will.

Yes.

We say yes to that.

It's just the small yeses.

It's like yes.

To loving my kids.

It's yes.

To serving my husband.

It's yes.

To doing the dishes again.

It's you know, those small seemingly insignificant.

Yes.

Uh, would actually lay the foundation.

Yeah.

Amen.

Hell yes.

That's correct.

I love that.

Say it again with your accent.

A hell yes.

Look, I think it's.

When you say that, what I see in my mind is like these party

poppers going off, it's like big.

Yes.

Like not just like, so you know where like the begrudging?

Yes.

Oh, my kids want me to cook breakfast in lock down again, even though I've

got like so much else to do, like can't you just make it yourself today?

I call it the 3:00 AM tests.

And you're sitting in your closet and you're wishing that you'd said

yes or you're wishing that you'd said no, that's your determining factor.

So imagine yourself at 3:00 AM.

You said yes to this thing in Europe, working on it or planning

for it or stressing about it.

Are you happy that you said yes.

Do you love it that much?

And if you.

Then it should be a no, otherwise it's a hell.

Yes, because you're all in.

So that's my 3:00 AM test.

I like it.

So ask yourself that.

Yeah,

I, I will, but I I'm noticing in my self and I've had to battle this cause we've

been in lockdown now for many weeks.

And you know, in your you're homeschooling, you're

trying to run a business.

That's been seriously impacted by these lockdowns as well and the lack of travel.

So there's a lot of pressures.

But it's even in those moments, the Lord is still asking for a gracious.

Yes.

So if I'm like, yes, I'll cook it breakfast.

And that's like, there's this attitude of, I have to different, you know,

that comes through, but there's this, I mean, my husband is amazing.

He's down praying every morning, 4:00 AM.

And then he's up serving all day.

You know, all the years he's often said, you know, it's just, I'm not

hearing from God, but you know, he is a totally different man.

Like there's the faithfulness to prayer, to adoration, to rosary, to just coming

before God, every single day without fail has meant that the fruits in his life, a

beautiful he's, he often puts me to shame.

Like he just pulls out and he says, and he says, and I'm like,

oh, but it's the married up.

But it's, it's a look at him and I'm like, that has come from the quiet, the heat

yeses that he has made every single day.

Even in the midst of difficulty or when life was fully pressured

or he didn't feel like doing it.

Those yes.

I have meant that the holy spirit is living in human has changed him.

So for me, that, for me, that's inspiring, uh, you know, each day I'm

like try to fight to get to prayer with the kids and to have a gracious.

Yes.

Well, when to recognize I have a husband like that too, who's incredibly faithful,

but we also have to remember that.

I just gave a talk on this earlier this week that you have to know what

your mission is and what you're is.

And our seasons change.

And that doesn't necessarily mean that our mission's changed, but the way that we

practice and deliver those missions looks different based on what our seasons are.

And so what works for one family or one mom or one woman might not work for you.

And it doesn't mean that you're doing it wrong.

It just means that you're being present to the season of which God has placed you.

And your mission looks different than hers because you are a unique

individual that God has created with different skills and abilities.

And so.

That is a difficult thing sometimes to swallow, to be like, but gosh, dang it.

She does it the way I want to do it.

Why can't I do it that way?

So I think it was father Stanford tonight.

Who's a CFR priest in the Bronx in New York, SETA God gives us all gifts.

The problem is we don't like the gifts that God gives us.

And so it's not the gift that he gives you.

It's how you use the gift and how gracious you are for receiving the gift.

So I always think of him when I'm thinking about how do I want to use my gifts.

I'm like be grateful for this gift in this season.

What does he need you to do with it right now?

And that's the constant.

Yeah,

I'm so glad that you brought that up because I think as women, we often

fall into that comparison trap and that's a real stronghold and gateway

for the enemy because when the enemy can get you to doubt your worthiness

and doubt your gift and doubt God's plan and purpose, well, he gets a real.

On our hearts and as women, I think we, we fall into it often without realizing.

And then all of a sudden we're cooperating with the enemy in our life.

When we start to compare and we get agitated and we're

trying to do what she's doing.

Rather than just running the life, you know, that we've got in our

lane and dancing the song that he's placed within us, you know,

that's, it's just so important.

I see it time and time again, and ministries and the works never flourish

under that spirit, the ministries and the women that I see flourishing and

the women who have their eyes focused on Christ and yes, there's other women.

Doing things around them, but I truly believe when we actually receive, like

you said, the gift and that unique gift of God within us, because he's

created all the billions of people on the earth with their own unique mission

and the gifts to fulfill that mission.

So we just need to get good at.

Learning what they are and then how we're being called to

activate and give them in service.

And then when we actually reached that place, we're truly able to

champion the unique gifts in others.

I think,

I think a couple of things on that.

I mean, certainly, I mean, Jesus had 12 disciples.

They were not.

You know, Peter and Paul May have been buddies, but they were not the same.

So, um, but they all had the same mission, but it was lived out differently.

And it's okay.

If someone wrote, I have a great friend and we talk about

that, we're running parallel.

We may not be running the same race, but we're running parallel.

And so.

Trust that there are people that you can speak to and that will listen

to you and be like, yes, I hear what you're saying, but your voice isn't

what everybody else or so thank God you have a sister in crossed who

has a voice that has a mission, that the person that you can't reach.

And I think when you're comfortable with your lane, what Jesus is asking of

you, when you see someone flourishing and doing good things, instead of

being like, ah, why can't I do that?

Why is that not mine?

You actually look at her in her life.

Isn't that awesome.

Like, look at what she's doing.

And I think that is a.

Constant, uh, communication and relationship with crossed and knowing

exactly what he's placed on you in that season, so that you can be truly

grateful and gracious and supportive of the women who are doing other

work that you are not able to do.

It's not a, like the whole destination just here is hopefully we're all

gonna make it to the gates of heaven.

So why do we care?

Which lane in which lane you arrive?

You know, all lanes lead to heaven, so let's just get everybody there.

So that just takes time.

It takes time to know who you are, and it takes a lot of experience and

surrounding yourself who a good friend of mine always says surrounding yourself

with women who are spiritually grown, who leads you towards Jesus and not the.

Amen.

I love that.

That's a great quote.

That's good

stuff.

I'll have to put that on Instagram, Catherine, where do you go?

Oh, it's so, so, so true.

So look, I think one of those barriers that we're talking

about to our yeses, we can pay.

Uh, yes.

And what we think we should be.

All the sherds could have woods.

So I'm wondering if you can give some women and I don't know if

you explore this in your book.

It's definitely something I've got to order, but, um, I guess some practical

tools to saying is how they, that cake, you know, how they can make the yes.

Camp.

Because so often we can hear things and there are some people who are

analytical and they actually need to be told and show and how do I do it?

You know?

And I think that was one of the beautiful things jumbled to did for us was he talked

about like how experience of life, but not just from a purely theological point of

view, he wanted to look at the experience.

How do we actually get in this car and drive it?

What's it like?

And so how do women do this?

Because I know so many women who struggle with this idea of.

For whatever reason, whether it's because they comparing because they

feel like they'll miss out because they feel like they should they're

in that trap of people, pleasing, perfectionism, all of those things.

So I guess my question is what are some of the practical ways in which

women can make their yes, count?

How can they really fine tune that in their own?

Well, I'd say the first thing is that I would tell them that

they're worthy of their yes.

So we sometimes think that our yes.

Means that we must be perfect right out of the gate.

Like if Jesus wants me to do this, then I must be amazing at it.

Well, sometimes you're going to be worse at it before you're better at it, but

if it brings you joy, um, your yes.

Eh, you don't have to be the expert.

So don't be afraid of that.

Yes.

You know, a few tools that we've used in our home with our children and with

us personally, uh, there's uh, a test called the Clifton strengths fonder.

So it's a series of questions that you answer and it kind of gives you

what are your top five strengths and what it encourages you to do

instead of trying to learn how to be better at the things that you're.

Gifted with, or that you're not naturally inclined to instead focus

on the gifts that God has given you.

And then in what way can you use those in the church?

There's a companion, but to that, and I forget the name of it, but

there's a Catholic companion to that.

So like, if communication is your number one strength, how can you use

that to benefit the church, which ultimately benefits your family?

So that's been a really great tool for our family to know.

W in what ways are we gifted and how can we bless the world with that?

And then also recognizing that your season plays a massive role in what you can do.

So maybe if you're a gift of communication and you have a

bunch of little babies running around, well, maybe it's just like.

Sending thank you notes or encouraging notes to people in your life.

Right.

And then as you get in a different season and you have more time, maybe that

looks like, then you serve the church.

I had a friend tell me one time.

She said, Catherine, if you're always having babysitters, come to your house

to watch your kids so that you can minister at the church, then you're

probably too involved, you know?

So remember sometimes, sometimes your biggest ministry is your.

You know, so do you say no to the thing so that you can say yes to that?

Um, a few of the things that we've done with our kids and, and in our own marriage

is so like what, what brings you joy?

We, we have, uh, this thing at the end of the year, we sit down,

we call it like our dream date.

Like how did the year ago and these different categories and what do we

hope for it to be in the following year?

And then we started doing that with our kids, you know, because sometimes

I think we get on the track of the things that we must do, and we forget

to ask our kids, Hey, do you like.

Do you enjoy that?

And so we started having a dialogue with our kids usually about the time they

turn 10, because I think before then, there's a lot of direction from mom

and dad, but as they start to grow into middle school, you know, I don't know

how the schools translate in Australia, but about 10 or so, they really kind of

start to develop their own personality.

So I think understanding what brings your kids joy and in what ways does it

make sense for your family to do that?

And our house on Sunday nights, we have what we call family meetings.

Since everybody sits down on Sunday night, we talked about what's on the calendar.

And that also means that everybody learns in what ways they're going to

be sacrificing for the other people in the household so that they can do

things that they love and vice versa.

So it's easier to sacrifice when you know, like this big dance

performance at school on Thursdays, a really big deal to your sister.

And then.

You turn around and say, well, this baseball game or whatever is

a really big deal for my brother.

And so then you start to be less frustrated with the ways

in which you have to sacrifice.

And instead you're happier about supporting people that you love.

So those are a few things that we've done, I think, to instill in our kids.

Your choices have consequences, but the consequences sometimes can

teach you a really beautiful lesson.

So don't be afraid.

Think that you're unworthy, um, and find ways in which you

can serve your family first.

And then how that means that you serve the church and the greater society as a whole.

So.

I don't know if that's what you wanted, but those are a few things

that have been really helpful for,

I love it.

And I love the round table discussion.

I know when we've done that with our kids, they really like it.

They like the experience of feeling hurt and that they are important and valued.

I know John Gottman he's my favorite marriage educator is fantastic

and he calls it in marriage.

The state of the union means.

But, you know, once a week, a couple should be coming together and having

a state of the union meeting where they're actually just tabling, you

know, what, what is your complaint?

Because if we don't touch base and communicate, then we get into criticism,

but behind every criticism is a complaint.

And so it's stepping back and trying to hear that in a healthy environment.

So I love that you do that with your kids.

And

you mentioned sometimes they'll throw in budget when it really gets fun.

So we started talking about money.

It's so important because we're sort of educating from a young

age around this emotional literacy and emotional intelligence and

giving kids skills because so many adults don't have those tools.

Do they to have the conversations to understand what their needs are?

So I think that's beautiful advice.

The other thing you touched on was the Clifton strengths.

And I think, I mean, yeah, our masterclass for Catholic women,

we take women through this really.

Helping them understand what their unique gifts are like, what is their unique

motivational design and understanding that because we can think we know what

our gifts are, but often, and it's not to box us these assessments, but

they actually are really insightful.

And I find.

The times in my life where I've done those.

And I like these great big aha moments.

It's like, oh, I've just been introduced to myself.

Like nail by line makes it enough to meet you.

It's like, now I understand why I do the things I do.

But I think, um, Burgess in his book, unrepeatable talks

about these achievement stories.

And he said like, if we're confused about what our gifts are aware,

we're being called to serve.

Asking somebody, what is a time in your life?

Like describe a time in your life, where you did something really well and it

brought you joy and you really enjoyed it.

And those are clues to talent, they're clues to your gifts.

And they clues to your vocation, your individual location, because they

know, you know, we have our universal location to love as God loves our

primary location is how we live that out.

Whether that's religious life or through marriage, a single life.

And then we all have an individual vocation and every single one of us

is called to, I guess, bring to birth, bring to life something that's unique.

And I think when we're talking about the power of yes.

Saying yes to that, that's a magical yes.

Like that yes.

Actually brings you life.

Doesn't it.

When you finally tap into you'll give somewhere you're called to serve.

Well, what I, what I loved about that, doing it with our family, my

husband even did it at his office.

So he works for the Catholic church.

Is that they list are fostering outside their door.

So it has their name.

And then it has their talking about what I love.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

They're serious.

But what I love about it is that you stop expecting people to

have the same guests as you do.

So like, if communication is my number one strength, but that's not every

person I lost number one strength.

But instead of me being frustrated with like, why isn't our.

Youth minister or why isn't my principal or why, why are they just, why are

they not better communicators, but when you know what their strengths are and

you see other ways in which they give to church, then you actually are less

frustrated that they don't carry the same strengths that you do because you

see them practicing or other strengths in other ways that you can't do.

And it makes you uniquely grateful for their presence because of the

ways in which they bless the world and what you aren't able to do.

And vice versa.

I found it to not only be enlightening for my own personal self, but also the ways

in which I interact with other people.

And I'm not saying that you need to go around and like pass out the test to

all your friends and be like, take this.

I know how to interpret you, but you start to be more attuned after taking it and

practicing that you get a chance to see.

And I've often gone up to, I don't know if you've taking this test,

but I think this is your gift.

And there's also the Saint Catherine of Sienna Institute, which helps people

discover what their charisms are, which.

Love, and I think they have an online component now, so that they used

to do those in-person and parishes.

But again, knowing your gifts and the knowing your charisms.

Holy given by the holy spirit and only meant to do good for the church.

Those two things together can be so fruitful for your spiritual life and

really help you distill what matters and what doesn't matter, which leads

you to your yeses and your net.

Absolutely.

And then you can feel it.

That felt like a little Ted talk.

Sorry,

please.

I love it.

It's great because you're hitting the nail on the head here.

I think so many people compare or they don't feel satisfied.

They get overwhelmed and depleted and exhausted because

they're actually not operating.

In the place that they should and the place that they're

actually being called to.

So I think for a lot of women, like they're saying yes to all the

things, but they're not actually saying yes to the things that

God is calling them to uniquely.

And that's where we do get burnt out.

Like I know in my life I love design, like, and I love creating things.

Like I'm a very creative person, but you put me in front of the numbers and

the books I'm like, Oh, just my brain freezes and locks up and it's hard work.

Oh my gosh.

So I think understanding our gifts is really important and I do

believe that God has given us in recent times really good tools to

help equip us to understand those.

And then when we understand those, we actually also have to take that

one step further and ask, where are we being called to serve?

How is God wanting us to activate this?

In service because we don't just use them for our own glory or our own satisfaction,

but they're ultimately designed to give him praise and to give him glory.

So where is it we're being called to?

And I think that alone has the power to really shake up and define out yet.

The it room and people see, you say yes to something and you're joyful about it.

They see Jesus in you because you're acting out of love for him.

So when you say yes to something and you really mean it, and you

know, sometimes we have to say yes to things that are mundane.

Like I have to clean the toilets.

I really hate it.

And it's not really a hell.

Yes, but I do it because it needs to be done.

But you know, on a bigger level, when you say yes to those things, but even

when you say yes to the mundane things in your home, I don't want my kids.

To look at me and be like, oh, mom was mad all the time.

Cause she had to clean the toilets.

I mean, there's an opportunity to change your attitude because I want my kids

to know that building a home is worthy, keeping things neat and tidy, at least

in our house, that's a worthy endeavor.

And so your yeses are not always glamorous, but they do allow you, I

think, to find your joy and other people.

I mean, I think as, as human beings, we are inherently drawn to people who are

joyful because not because they are doing.

And not because they are amazing, but because we see Jesus in them and that I

think is the ultimate goal is being so grateful for the gift, practicing the gift

of joy and there in turn, allowing someone to see Jesus so that they can hopefully

spend eternity in heaven with them.

That's the end goal.

It's not being the best, you know, broadcast, journalism, major, or being

the best football player, whatever it is.

Like there should be intention and a yes, so that people can.

And we see Jesus at the end of the day.

And so I think that's where we have to keep her perspective.

And boy does that take a lot of discipline and a lot of time, but slowly I think

we can all eventually get there.

I really do believe that.

Absolutely.

And it's just turning up each day to prayer.

I think third day, I think the band had this quote at the start of one of these

songs that said the greatest cause of atheism is in the world is Christians

who profess their Christians with.

But they don't show it with their faces.

So they're walking around all gloomy and grumpy and people are turned off by that.

But I think, you know, that source of joy, I know a woman I've shared this

on the podcast and her husband died and she had six children and she just had

these joy, like during his final days and people were like, what's going on?

And she just kept saying in her head, she would just keep saying

the joy of the Lord is my strength.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

And eventually like it actually.

Became a part of her.

It wasn't just something she said it actually was infused into her being and

it transformed her whole experience.

So yeah,

I think that in the third joy was hard.

One for her

too.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, it's just, I think going forward, like for women to just

some final thoughts for the women around this idea of hell yes.

I'm wondering if you've got any other just strikes from your book that you can

share some key ideas to really give them some anchors, I guess, to take away,

because I think this conversation is immensely, not just powerful, but crucial.

That it's not just a conversation that women here, but from this point

that actually take what they've heard and then anchor it into their

own life, that it actually becomes something that they start to live.

So I'm just wondering if you've got any final polls there,

Catherine, from your book.

Um, that women can use as anchors.

Cause they say we only 10% of a conversation or a speaker's

presentation, which is deflating for you.

And I, because we have to put a lot into our presentations, but that 10% that they

do remember what are some key words or drivers that they can use as anchors.

That was a really hard question.

I would, I would say this, I think it's that your yeses can define

your family culture and your family culture is where you build disciples.

And so for us, our family culture, it was important for us to do things

together as a family to build memories that only we would have so that my

children would be inspired to do the same thing with other people in

our lives, who they were close to.

And so we've done that through.

Traveling to national parks, which is a big thing in our family.

And we also did a crazy thing.

And I don't know if this will translate as well in Australia if

it does here in Texas, but, uh, barbecue is a big thing in Texas.

And so our magazine here in the state of Texas named the top 50

places in the state of Texas.

So to give you an idea, we drove over 2000 miles over a 10 month

period to take all of, all of our kids, to all 50 of these places.

They like could eat this far where you're cute.

So you really get that.

We call it our barbecue pilgrimage, because we love as a family.

We love to eat really good food.

We also love to do things together as a family.

Um, and we love to do things that.

I don't know that maybe not everybody else does they're are really

bonding for us, that people like us.

And like, you're crazy.

I'm like, I know, but the food was really good.

I think that when you can focus on what's most important for your family

and then build your yeses around how you want to build your family culture,

because like, Gift that God gives us our families and how we practice our faith

looks different from family to family.

So figure out how God is asking you to practice your faith and your family,

and build your culture around that.

And then add in the activities that support that culture, because eventually

it's going to lead you to heaven.

So for us, those things were important and building our family culture

and they were a little crazy and full of a lot of barbecue and good,

you know, good sides and good Dr.

Pepper.

Boy, did we build some fabulous memories for our kids?

And that happened six years ago and the kids, the new list is getting

ready to come out and everyone's asking, are you doing it again?

So the jury is still out on that, but, but what a, what a great

culture that we started to build.

And so I'll always remind people it's not too late to start

building your family culture.

Um, sorry about that.

It's not too late to build your family culture.

It a.

It's okay.

You're not behind the eight ball.

It's okay to do something different this year.

So hopefully people are inspired to do something, to build their

family culture, and they're not.

Um, I guess they're not held back, but what they think might

be imperfect or unworthy, but yet they dive in any way because it's

what Jesus is asking them to do.

And it may not be perfect the first time Sarah you'll figure it out.

Yeah, absolutely.

I love that.

And I think, you know, we have so many women listening to this podcast who

are married and then there are some who are single or in a different season.

So the same rules applies and it it's just, how can you

build a culture in your life?

That's edifying.

It has, I guess, a spirit of adventure that is a yes to yourself, your

salvation and the salvation of those who are coming with you on the journey.

Well, and I would hope families have people in their life who are single

for the same reason that I would say.

I hope people are.

I have people in their lives who are married for the same reason

that we invite priests to our dinner table, um, because it's important

for them to see family life.

And it's important for us to see religious life.

So those, those vocations are meant to be interspersed among one another.

They're all connected.

So I think we do our selves, a disservice by not connecting

all of those dots together.

And, uh, yeah, just because you're single doesn't mean that you're offering.

But you don't have to build a family culture.

You've got a beautiful culture that you need to build within your own community.

So there's no easy vocation doesn't exist there.

If they, if there was one, we'd all be doing it.

And I love

the definition of that word.

Vocation is to draw out or to call forth.

And I think we have to remember that, like there's a missionary element to

our vocation and that orients all of our choices, our yeses and our nose.

Yeah.

Amen.

Oh, Catherine.

Thank you.

That's a great conversation.

I'm going upstairs to go to my family culture in the middle of lockdown.

You've had a lot of time to plan a family culture.

I have no doubt.

I tell

you what though.

I do not understand, but we are tighter than ever.

We feel busier than ever.

I'm like, what is that?

Anyway, we're getting there slowly, slowly.

You learn, but I think you, uh, we had a pressure on this one time, you know,

you have to boil more of your planet.

So, um, there will never be a perfect season and there will

never be a perfect circumstance.

So you have to look at the grace and say, you have in this moment

and, and really strive for the joy.

And there were some moments you have to look real hard for that joy.

And I would think that most of us during global pandemic kids, I'm

looking real hard for the joy, but I think along the way, God's planning

some seeds of grace, and he's asking us to be present to that so that

we can be better disciples for him.

So hopefully, um, as people are trying to figure out what their family culture

looks like, they're inspired by the people that God's surrounded them

with to do their own unique vocation.

And love it out with a lot of joy

ladies.

I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Catherine weedy.

CA if you'd like to check out her blog or her book, please head to catch him.

When he cut.net, I'll leave the link to her website in the show notes.

I'd also really love to encourage you and invite you to join.

For our advent retreat here at the genius project, we're going to be

gathering online for a virtual retreat, where we have some beautiful speakers

who are just going to pour into you and help you to prepare for Christmas

so that you can arrive at camp.

Day, spiritually, emotionally, physically prepared to receive

Christ in a new and a deeper way.

Head on over to the website to register www dot genius, project.co

and check out the events page.

We look forward to seeing you there until next week.

Ladies have a beautiful week and God bless you.