Welcome to Barnyard Language.

We are Katie and Arlene, an Iowa sheep farmer, and an Ontario dairy

farmer with six kids, two husbands, and a whole lot of chaos between us.

So kick off your boots, reheat your coffee, and join us for some

barnyard language, honest talk about running farms and raising families.

In case your kids haven't already learned all the swears from being in the barn,

it might be a good idea to put on some headphones or turn down the volume.

While many of our guests are professionals, they

aren't your professionals.

If you need personalized advice, consult your people.

Welcome to another episode of Barnyard Language.

It's Arlene and Katie here as usual.

And Katie, what is going on on the farm in Iowa?

What's the update?

Well, Arlene, we're trying out some new recording software today, so if.

This episode sounds way better.

That's why.

And if this episode sounds terrible, that's why.

Um, yeah, it's new.

It'll sound great.

We'll see what happens.

Yeah.

I have faith.

Um, other than that, we moved the cows out on Cornstalks last week, so I got

a lot of work done while I was not sleeping because we had, we, uh, weed

some calves and there was a lot of noise.

So I, uh, was able to get up extra early benefits of a flexible remote

job and get some extra work done.

Um, other than that, not a lot.

It's cold, it's windy.

Um, Thanksgiving happened.

What's the update?

Thanksgiving happened, um, there was a shit ton of food.

And Are you still eating it?

I, no, in a wasteful but beneficial twist of fate.

The Turkey carcass got popped back in the oven to protect it from the cat.

And then I had a migraine Thanksgiving afternoon and so the Turkey carcass

was still in the oven the next day.

Got it.

Um, which really, so it went to the cats anyway.

Yeah.

The barn cats really appreciated it.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, so, uh, lots of food and I made another pumpkin pie this week

because I only got one little slice on Thanksgiving and Oh, that is not enough.

I freaking love pumpkin pie.

So I just made it.

Did you know there's like not a law that you can't make pumpkin

pie whenever the hell you want.

That is true.

And it's a vegetable.

It is.

So you can eat it for breakfast because it's healthy.

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah, because if you put whipped cream on it, it's basically a complete meal.

Yeah.

It's got basically all the food groups.

It's got dairy, it's got, there's, yeah, there's eggs in it, there's

protein, it's got eggs, it's got milk.

Yeah.

It's nature's most complete food.

It really is.

I hope the pumpkin board is listening.

Maybe they want to sponsor us there.

Yeah.

Is there a pumpkin board?

You know, it's, it probably is.

Yeah.

I'm sure there.

Yes.

Um, other than that, not much.

Just getting ready for Christmas and the girl child's birthday is

on the day this comes out actually.

So she'll be six.

And is the party happening before her birthday or after

It's happening the day before.

Oh, thank goodness.

Then you don't have to wait now.

Is it happening early in the day?

Because that used to be over lunchtime.

Okay.

That's pretty good intentionally because I figured I can, like, I'm gonna do a, uh, a

unicorn themed snack board with, you know, star shaped cheese and little sandwiches

and, um, you can color powdered sugar with fruit coloring, which I didn't know.

So I'm gonna make puppy chow, which is healthy because it has

peanut butter and cereal in it.

Mm-hmm.

, it's a whole grain, right?

Yeah.

So it's, it's healthy.

I mean, on the one hand, I don't really give a shit because A, it's

a special event, and B, they're not my kids, not all of them.

Uh, , but also I know what my kids are like if I crank 'em full of sugar and

no protein and no, not no crazy, like sugar makes them hyper kind of way.

But in a, if you spike their blood sugar and then their blood sugar tanks,

that doesn't do anybody any good.

Sure.

Yeah.

Um, so I spent an obscene amount of money on unicorn themed party supplies,

and this better be the most magical fucking birthday this kid has ever had.

And maybe she'll still be into unicorns next year and you can Yeah.

Pull them all out again.

I mean, in, in all of our defense, this is the first friend birthday we've

been able to have because of Covid.

Mm-hmm.

. So, you know, we've got a couple, couple years to make up for.

Yeah.

And I'll let you know how it goes.

, I did hire our normal babysitter to come and help at the party.

Mm-hmm.

, which I think is a real stroke of genius.

I'm feel very good about that.

Yeah, that is definitely a good idea.

We did that for very many years and it was a huge help.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, cuz they love her and she loves them and I mean obviously I love them, but

they're loud and there's a lot of them.

Yeah.

So it's nice to have an extra set of hands.

Yeah, for sure.

And if you're yeah.

Putting out food or helping out someone else's kid or any of

those types of things, it's always good to have extra adults around

that you can tell what to do.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, you might have parents stick around but you don't know for sure.

Some people drop off, some people stick around you.

That's, uh, kind of a toss up sometimes.

Well, and um, because my kids are so close in age, a lot of the boy child's

friends are coming as well because it's pretty common around here that there

are siblings who are quite close in age.

Um, and it seems really rude to be like one of your kids can come.

the other one cannot come play with her friends.

Mm-hmm.

, because the kids are all about the same age.

They're all friends.

Yeah.

Um, so we ended up with some extra kids that way too.

And I just, you know, plus the babysitter's cool.

She's not a mom, you know, she's really like 19.

She's fun, you know, and she can tell 'em they can do whatever the hell they want.

And it's not like I'm being that mom who's just like, do whatever.

I don't care.

Yeah.

Now do, um, do barn tours end up part of birthday parties at your place,

or I guess you don't know yet, but, uh, is that on the, on the schedule?

Kind of doubt it with kids this age and it's very cold out.

Um, so I'd be kind of surprised for the boy child's birthday.

I think it will because there's tractors, but mm-hmm.

for the girl child.

I think with, um, unicorns and snacks and it being freaking cold out, I think

they'll probably stay in the house.

That's an interesting question.

I didn't consider it.

. Um, so what's happening at your place, Arlene?

Well, we don't have Thanksgiving.

Well, I mean, we already had Thanksgiving back in October, so it

wasn't technically a long weekend for us, but then it kind of turned

into one because our school had, uh, professional development day for teachers.

So that means men's, the kids didn't go to school on Friday.

So what would've been your Black Friday?

Which in Canada ends up being kind of Black Friday people don't have

the day off, but they put a bunch of stuff on sale because Americans do.

I don't know.

It's one of those weird hybrid Canadian things.

So because we had an extra day off, um, my daughter and I had decided

that we would go on a road trip.

So we actually crossed the border for the first time in several years.

Um, their restrictions.

Gone and we knew that wait times wouldn't be as long as they were before.

You didn't have to do any special paperwork or anything.

So we went down to Syracuse, which is just under three hours away

from us here in Eastern Ontario.

So yeah, went down to New York State and started looking for a prom dress.

So we actually stayed over two nights, drove down on Friday afternoon.

I'd milked in the morning, then took a bit of a nap because I wanted to make sure

that I was good to go for a longer drive.

Um, yes, I had a couple appointments booked on Saturday to look at dresses,

and actually picked and bought one by the end of that day, and then also went to the

giant mall in Syracuse and looked around.

We went to two different targets.

Do you know the story of Canadian target?

, I heard that it was a thing and then it stopped being a thing.

Yes.

So they brief, maybe it's just not love, cute shit.

Or like, what's, what's your problem up there?

So we had, we had a store called Zes and it was like a discount chain.

It was, it was fine.

Anyway, it, it had been around for a long time and they went outta business,

so they closed and then we'd never had Target, it had just never come to Canada.

So Target ended up taking on a bunch of those Zeller's locations and they

did a big expansion across Canada, kind of all in one foul swoop.

You know, like they put a, I don't know how many, how many hundreds

of locations, all kind of within a very short amount of time.

Um, but due to supply issues and the way they had to purchase products and stuff,

it was not as good as the American target.

It was still pretty good.

I mean, it was nice, but it was.

More expensive than the stores that they had replaced.

And it was new for a lot of people cuz if people didn't do cross-border

shopping, they didn't know about Target.

And so I think they just kind of got ahead of themselves in terms

of like expanding really fast.

And then the market didn't, didn't quite work out the way they thought.

So it was here for a short time and then it went bankrupt so

then they all closed again.

So we actually had a Target like five minutes from my house

for about two years and it was amazing and then it disappeared.

And is there Walmart in Canada or not?

Yes.

Yeah.

So we've had Walmart for quite a while.

Yeah.

Okay.

What can you tell me about, is it Canadian Tire, which is apparently not an auto

parts store or, well, it has auto parts.

The auto parts store.

Yes.

So Canadian Tire would.

maybe kind of would be a competition for Target, I would say, because

it has a little bit of food, but not like grocery items.

Um, especially around Christmas, there's lots in terms of toys and

games, it's all your garden stuff.

In the summer there is like a garden center, plus there's all like your shovels

and rakes and all that kind of stuff.

That's where you would go for your Christmas lights.

It's also where you go for your, your sports equipment, especially in small

towns like your hockey sticks, skates, helmets, all that kind of stuff.

You can get your things camping supplies is all at Canadian tire

and kitchen stuff and pet stuff.

And then lighting.

Yeah, it's kind of like hardware, but also homeware.

So, so it sounds like maybe it's more like, um, fleet Farmer, like

Menards is here, that it's like maybe a little bit home improvement,

but also some groceries and also.

pet stuff.

And also, yeah, so we have like clothing, like random other shit.

Yes.

Yeah, they, yeah.

There is clothing in terms of more so like outdoor wear and

sportswear, so like, yeah.

Boots, coats, those types of things.

But not too much more.

You can get your hunting stuff there, hunting, fishing,

all those types of things.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess when I, I was in some Facebook group where somebody mentioned Canadian

Tire, and to me that would be like an auto parts store, like mm-hmm.

Auto Parts.

And they were like, yeah, I'm gonna go buy a vacuum cleaner and some kitchen stuff.

And I was like, yeah.

All right.

Yeah, they've actually got some really nice Christmas lines too.

So this time of year they've got, yeah, all your Christmas

decorations, like indoor and outdoor stuff, you're inflatable.

How Christmas shopping do you have done?

Um, I would say after this weekend there weren't a lot of deals in the states.

The exchange rate is not great right now, but there is a lot

of stuff that we can't get here.

or you have to pay a lot to ship it.

So it was worth going down in terms of finding some things that I knew would

be more difficult to get in Canada.

Um, so I've made some progress.

It is always hard to figure out at this point how much I've bought for

the, the remaining birthdays and what's actually going to be for Christmas.

So I do need to do an inventory.

But in terms of like the extended family, kind of like the name draws that we've

done, grandparents, that kind of stuff.

Definitely making progress.

I have to say.

I got the steal of a lifetime yesterday and I feel so good about it.

The, the girl child, both kids love Gabby Katz.

It's uh, Gabby's Dollhouse on Netflix.

Mm-hmm.

for folks with younger kids.

It's um, actually a really cute show.

It's about a girl who's got a dollhouse that she can like go inside of and.

, you know, whatever.

Yeah, it's cute.

Every kid's dream.

That's what you . Yeah.

I mean, when I played with Dollhouse, that's what I was thinking of, right?

The girl child's obsessed.

I mean, the whole place is populated with little cats.

It's cute, there's lots of music, it's fun, whatever.

Um, Walmart yesterday had, she got a Gabby's dollhouse that was supposed to

be for her birthday, and unfortunately the boy child accidentally told her

about it, so that got out early.

Um, but she's been playing with it quite obsessively and I saw there's,

you know, a number of like add-on pieces and I was walking around looking for her

birthday gift for her little friend whose birthday is tomorrow, and saw a Gabby's

dollhouse tag that was marked down to $4.

And I was like, well, now what is this?

And there wasn't anything on the shelf.

I was like, well, that's all right.

Yeah, it's probably gone.

And I look around and there is one like on the top shelf, like

way back in there and it was.

, an accessory piece that had been close to $40 was marked down to four bucks.

Sweet.

And I was showing it to Jim on my phone when I got home because I

hadn't brought it in the house.

And the girl child saw it and starts yelling, I want

that for my birthday, please.

Mommy, please, can I have that?

That's the only thing I want.

And I was like, maybe . I don't know where you might find that thing.

We'll, tell the birthday fair.

Uh, you know, and I never thought we'd be that family, but

we're doing alpha on the shelf.

Mm-hmm.

. Except I didn't, I am not leaning hard into the hole.

She's spying on you and gonna tell Santa and rat you out.

Because that seems, I mean, the, the whole idea of Santa,

like spying on kids is creepy.

Um, Santa, like having a little, a little snitch in your home all month.

It's creepier to me.

. Yeah.

But the girl chime, just ramp that ramp that, uh, fairytale all the way up.

She's exactly the right age for this magic.

Yeah.

And she is so hard into it.

She made our alpha little crown.

She's made her a little book.

Oh, that's cute.

It's, it's a whole thing.

Uh, there's pictures on the Instagram if folks want to see.

It's, it's pretty fucking cute.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

So, yeah, as much as a lot of it is more work for us when they're really

into it and so excited about it, it does make it more fun most of the time.

Except those mornings when you wake up and realize that you forgot to move it.

Yeah.

Well it's the, the upside of the insomnia again.

That's what I'm already up anyway, so Yeah, there you go.

And, uh, I will say I'm not putting much effort into setting up scenes.

Like this morning, the Elf was riding one of the girl child's little toys around.

It's, you know, It's not easy.

An elaborate thing.

Easy.

Yeah.

Just position it somewhere new.

Yeah, she was plenty excited about that.

So do we have anything else to talk about early?

I don't think so.

We will go ahead and lead into our guest for this week.

All right.

Today we're joined by Allison Weaver from Alberta, Canada.

And Allison, we start each of our interviews with the same question

and this is a way to introduce yourself to our listeners.

So we ask what are you growing and for our farm guests that can cover crops in

livestock, but it also covers families, businesses, and lots of other stuff.

So Allison, what are you growing?

Well, good morning ladies.

Right now I'm not growing a whole heck of a lot.

It's uh, minus 36 and Lloydminster, Alberta and we're covered in snow.

But as a rule, what we grow on our farm is we go granola, uh, three

different types of wheat bar.

When we feel brave, we sow some peas.

Uh, we have a small livestock hurt.

My husband and I have grown four children on our farm and we're excited

to support our daughter and husband as they now are, uh, nurturing and growing.

Three grandchildren, three their children, our grandchildren on the farm.

And for fun, I grow horses and I have a collection of dogs for

our, uh, non Celsius listeners.

Negative 36 degrees Celsius is negative 33 degrees Fahrenheit, which is much

worse than I thought it was going to be.

. So I guess for the Americans in the audience, because we're like the only

ones who don't use everybody else does it.

So since we, since we've got farmers in the listening crowd, what kind

of cows are we talking about?

Uh, I started out with a small herd of speckled parks, which was a breed

that was developed right here, uh, in the region that, uh, we live.

And then we also, we crossbreed them with Angus.

So we have a commercial herd, a small commercial herd of speckles

crossed with Black Angus I should say.

But my daughter has three, four very large delve semial cross cows who think they're

the queen of the fields and they're big, but she gets beautiful calves out of them.

And, uh, I quite enjoy seeing those big gals out there.

And since I know that people love to talk about their grandkids, how old are they?

Oh, well they are five, three, and two.

From the same parents.

So sometimes my daughter needs a mental health break and her husband,

actually, the two of them do.

Yeah, Ben and three little boys, Ben Mason and Charlie, and yeah, they,

that's a quite the little squad.

Yeah, that's a good way to describe them.

Arlene is a squad.

And how many horses for the horse people in the, in the crowd.

Oh.

Uh, at the moment we have 11 horses.

, uh, our farm is a lovely place for horses to live because you get to grow

old here and have a wonderful life.

My husband says they live a better life than him.

They have a monthly massage appointment, they get pedicures, they get all

sorts of great things the horses do.

Um, but out of that crew of horses summer are definitely in their geriatric years.

So we just enjoy having them.

But we do have five riding horses.

Um, and we do everything from moving cows to dressage with them.

And I've decided my next goal for riding is I'm gonna learn how

to do, uh, working equitation.

And I'm quite excited about that.

Uh, you get to carry a, okay.

I need more details cuz I'm not a horse.

Oh, working actation.

I don't even know what that means.

It's, it's, you, you gotta go through a whole bunch of obstacle.

and you have to carry this great big pole with you.

And it comes from the Spanish from Spain, and the Spaniards did it.

And I think it originally came from bull fighting is where it came from.

And you gotta carry this pole and you gotta put a pole in a barrel.

And the pole, I think is 12, 14 feet long or something.

So I have a young horse that I absolutely love.

And so her and I, she doesn't know it yet, but this is what

her and I are gonna learn next.

So is it sort of like a pony club, Jim Kana for, for grownups?

Is that what I'm hearing?

That's what I, but also with the 14 foot long pole pool.

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

I can see not wanting little kids doing that, that seems No, no.

And eventually qualifying accidents waiting to happen.

Yeah.

But it is, it's like, um, so Allison is, as a grownup who deals with small

children and horses, how do I convince my husband to let us have a horse?

And by us I mean ostensibly for the kids and realistically, For me,

when's his most busiest time of year?

I probably shouldn't ask this, when he is like, I'm gonna listen to the show.

Oh, probably no.

Tipping my hand here.

New horses arrive at our farm usually during seating or harvest

time, cuz I can sneak out quickly, get the horse, bring it in.

My husband does not even notice it.

Usually tell Christmas time and, uh, we just bring 'em in.

I tend to buy horses all the same color, so then nobody really

knows if it's a new horse or not.

Um, except we have a young girl who rides out here and they bought a horse that

does not match the rest of the herd.

So it's standing out like a, a sore thumb right now.

But, uh, that's my goal, Katie, is I buy horses the same color

and I bring them in in the night when nobody notices them coming.

But the one that's a different color is hers, right?

Yeah.

So, I mean, you, you can't, yeah.

I mean, that one's maybe you're getting rent or something.

So I mean, that, that one's the real money maker in the in the group.

Yeah.

I guess otherwise maybe you could split them between pastures and

just pretend that you've moved them.

Exactly.

You know, because it's harder to get a total if they're all in different places.

That's right.

And I, when people always ask me how many horses I have, I

go, well, I think a little bit.

I count, oh, I have a couple in this pasture and I got a couple over here.

And, and it's a moving target.

Yeah.

Well you can always get real philosophical too, and say, well, what

does ownership really mean Exactly?

Do I really own them?

Yeah.

You know, and, and then if you seem vague enough and like you might talk

long enough, people leave you alone.

Yes.

And you know, um, that's basically my life like, Exactly plan.

So that's working out pretty well.

And our daughter doesn't live in the yard anymore, but her horses are here.

So they're not really all of my horses because she has quite

a fair collection herself.

So out of the 11, I don't own all of them, is what I use.

But on the other side of that, the more serious side of it, um, many, many years

ago when our daughter was about three or four and had a very, already her

horse passion for horses was, was there.

And we read, oh, for God's sakes, the phone just keeps ringing.

So anyway, so then, um, we had a great, uh, read an amazing article on why

girls should have pets to nurture.

And it was a really amazing article to talk, um, girl girls, it's better

if they have a pony than a boyfriend.

because that pony will fulfill the need to, to take care of something to nourish.

And as they go into their teenage years, it's so important to have

those things for your daughters and uh, so they're not maybe looking

for love in the wrong places.

And so my husband, whenever it came to Amanda, would like

to try this on the horse.

Amanda would really like a kitty.

We should probably get a new puppy.

He said, if that keeps the boys away, have as many horses as you Like.

I tell you, I think too, you could, you could have a lot of ponies for what?

Bail money or unexpected, you know, teen motherhood would set you back or

ammunition when your husband's shooting at the guy who he doesn't want to

come visit your son or your daughter.

So there you go, Arlene, maybe you better buy your daughter another cat.

I know she already has a boyfriend, but you know.

Oh yeah.

She'll have less time to cause problems.

The, the heifer that we did buy her is, is due in March.

So, so we'll, we'll wait and see.

There you go.

Cause then she'll need to do some generic, I was looking at the Jersey

cows at Ion, they had them on display.

Four lovely Jersey cows.

That's what I grew up milking was two jersey cows named Fawn and Dawn.

And, uh, yeah, so I've, I quite enjoy the Jersey cows.

Yes.

Yeah, we have a single one right now, but we'll see what happens in March

who might have to, so I love that Arlene wrote this in here for me.

Um, I am a big fan of planners because I really like the, uh, the,

what's the word I'm looking for?

The illusion of control over my life.

Um, and so you've created a planner called Navigate, which is intended for ag folks.

What's unique about your planner and can you describe some of

the elements of it for us?

Well, you know, the unique thing of the planner is I've, I've tried

really hard to create it so that it works in everybody's life.

Some people like to just look at the month at a glance.

Other people wanna break down their week.

And then we have the people maybe like myself, who like to break it

down by the day and make those plans.

But when making it, I wanted it to be a, but it also, I want it to be a tool.

So just like our, um, drills that are a battery pack and

we don't have to plug 'em in.

I wanted the planner to be this tool that would help us, um, kind of clear

some of the chaos out of our life, put our thoughts down so they're not

totally rummaging around in our brain all the time, and using up excess space

and energy that as anybody raising kids on a farm, not raising kids.

The more we can save our energy to do the more important things, I think the better.

The other thing that I really wanted to push out about the planner though,

is to do some reflection on how last year went and give yourself

gratitude for however it went.

The other thing I wanted to really push out though is priorities.

And Arlene's heard me talk about priorities before and I wanted to,

um, tell people that your to-do list is not your priority list.

So two priorities a day is what I was, what what I really wanna push people

to take that pressure off themselves.

And then the other idea the planner was let's put it all together in one book.

So you've got the records there, you have, um, all the ag records

in the back from your gardening map to what to have in your pantry.

If you're terrified to go grocery shopping, the stuff's

there to help you out.

So I wanted a book all in one.

Put all your Post-it notes in one spot, put all your,

whatever you need in one spot.

So you're not got five books sitting on your desk and you're

only writing in none of them.

I feel really judged right now.

I'm, I'm not gonna lie, um, cuz there's, uh, four planners and like 12

post-it notes on my desk at this moment.

Um, and I still have no idea what the hell's going on, but she can't see that.

I can't see that.

No.

But she's obviously been listening to our show.

If she knew , how many planners were likely to be on my desk being unused.

Oh, and there's two under my desk, but those aren't all from news here.

So, um, Allison, have you always been interested in planning and

productivity and efficiency, or, I have.

Did you used to be one of us?

Um, I hate to say it, but I wasn't one of you.

Uh, . But, uh, I asked my mom this actually when I started the idea of

creating the planner, and she said, from the time you could write, you've carried

a notebook around to organize yourself.

She said, you were the girl who before school, the night before

school, you had your clothes laid out so you knew what to wear.

It didn't mean my bedroom didn't get messy.

I was every bit of a typical teenager, but I had a bed with drawers under

it, and my mom and dad said I could store more crap in those drawers than

anybody to make my room look neat.

So, uh, but I did, I've always liked to have my to-do lists.

Uh, I'm a person who checks off her to-do list, and I hate to say it,

I'm also the person who will write something on my to-do list if I've

already done it and check it off.

Um, well that's just satisfying.

I mean, if you don't do that, then yeah.

Why have a experience?

Exactly.

It is, I like to think of that as being a, a life hack.

That some days you put really, really basic shit on your to-do list because

it feels good to cross it off.

Mm-hmm.

. And you know what, it's not like there's to-do list police that

are gonna come around and be like, oh, you had already done that.

Yeah.

You can't write it.

Done that.

Yeah.

That, that wasn't a big enough task to put on the list Exactly.

To help with you.

It's my list.

Exactly.

Exactly.

It's your list and, and you need to do with it.

And, and it hopefully, I hope it helps you, support you to

live the life you wanna live to.

Not the life that you think other people want you to live, but

the life that you want to live.

So Allison, can you give us, and, uh, sorry.

Yeah.

Our listeners too.

Um, some tips on being more productive that the time, with the time that we

do have, I know sometimes it feels like I'm working really hard and yet nothing

ever really gets finished or you don't feel that sense of accomplishment.

Yes.

Um, I really suggest to people to pick your priorities.

Uh, Actually for each day and be kind to yourself when you pick your priorities.

Uh, like for some reason you're planning to say, do a huge walking trek somewhere.

You know, you've gotta build your priorities to build up to that.

But other thing is, if you're on survival mode, if you are a mom with

young children, if you're a mom with teenage children, if you're not a mom

and you're just trying to keep the farm going or your business going, pick

two, like I said, two priorities a day.

And I've shared this in workshops and I have women go, how can you

only do two priorities in a day?

And I said, and this is, and I said to them, well, and we practice it.

So for me, and I always share this, the podcast today was my number one.

. So, um, the podcast is gonna happen over our lunchtime here in Western Canada.

So I made sure that there's some lunch ready upstairs.

Uh, doors are closed.

I forgot to unplug the phone.

So my, so my priority is the podcast.

My to-do list is to do A, B, C, and D so that I can sit here, relaxed,

enjoy my, my visit and my conversation with, with you two wonderful

women and not feel any stress.

And actually my mind is not even thinking about, uh, anything else

that I think I might need to do.

And then I've made a priority this afternoon.

Our farrier is coming.

So after lunch to be kind to our failure, I gotta go bring in the horses, put 'em

in the barn so their feet can warm up.

And that's my other priority today.

Um, and I, I've worked really hard to get there to those two priorities.

And when we're in the busy harvest mode, seating mode, uh, , there actually maybe

is not any priorities for some of those days because we go into what we, you

know, into your harvest routine, your harvest habit, uh, that you get into.

And as we know, in the busy season on any farm, you get the

call, the combine's on fire.

Well, guess what the priority is right there.

Those priorities change.

Like you're, you're on it and you're going, and I don't know about your

guys' farm, but things, the plan when we all walk out the door at 7 30, 8

o'clock in the morning can by eight 30 in the morning, the whole plan

can change because either it's rained or holy crap, the weed is ready to

go and we don't have the bins ready.

And there's, you know, things happen.

Doesn't matter if you've farmed for 40 years, you, you are not always ready.

So in the busy times, so you're saying the number one tip is

that anything that is actively, legitimately on fire, Is top priority.

I would put it as top priority.

Cadence things.

They're not actively on fire or below that.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Is that correct?

I I like that.

I'm gonna write that in my book for harvest time.

Next, for next year.

If you're actively on fire, you're my number one priority.

Like that.

You just put it right in the front of the planner.

Yeah, that right on the car, right, right on the cover.

I, I might Oh, you wait to see what 2024 brings.

There might be something that reflects that.

Uh, I'm waiting for the special barnyard language edition of this planner.

Oh, I was just gonna say, step one, put out things that are literally on fire.

Step two, say fuck it to everything else.

. Step three, eat snacks.

Katie's to-do list.

Don.

Oh, there you go.

I, I have to say Alison, as someone who does, um, I tend to write to-do lists

and that pretty compulsively just to.

to get them out of my head and help with the anxiety.

So good.

Giving myself permission to prioritize sleep over basically anything

except stuff that is literally on fire has been the a plus.

Number one thing, if I'm not taking my medication and sleeping,

nothing else is gonna happen.

It doesn't matter how many lists I make or how well I organize or how well I

prioritize or whatever else, you know?

And it's critical that we give ourselves permission, and I hate

that we have to give ourselves permission to not die, but we do.

Yeah, we do.

And, and you know what, Katie, I think you, you hit it on the head

right there, the nail on the head right there with that, by saying, I

hate that we have to give ourselves permission, but you know what we do?

We have to give ourselves permission.

I have a friend who started a new business and she took a.

Uh, screenshot of her planner for the month of March, so March, 2022.

Her f and, and when you look in the planner on the month

it has, what's your focus?

Her focus was Kathy will sleep and she gave herself, Kathy has her priorities

straight for the month of March.

She gave herself the permission that I need to, I need to regenerate, I

need to sleep, I just need to relax.

And we know when we start anything new, uh, you know, there's all that pressure

that will come with that, but the moment we physically write it down, we've already

given ourselves the permission then.

So if Katie's priority, if you have that every day sleep, No, I say thank

you for doing that, Katie, because that is your number one priority

I have put down for this Saturday.

My priority is to embrace myself in the Christmas season because I

love Christmas, so the Christmas decorations are coming out.

I'm gonna make ginger snaps, and I'm just, I'm just gonna enjoy it.

And, uh, it's gonna be minus 35 again probably.

So it's a great time for that.

But, uh, it is, and I'm gonna write it in my book cuz I'm, I'm as bad as anybody.

Someone will call me.

Alison, could you help us with this today?

And I look in my book and then I say, no, I've wrote this down.

I said, sorry, today I cannot come help you today.

Today is actually all about Allison.

I know it's sort of a, a continuing theme on this show, but this movement

towards calling it self-care to prioritize showering or sleeping or.

anything for ourselves is bullshit.

You know, I, I heard somebody refer to it as self maintenance, which I think

makes a lot more sense because you don't call, you know, changing oil in your

car to be a, a benefit little perk that you do to, you know, to treat it nice.

It's something you do because it keeps things running and sleeping and eating

and showering and putting up your damn Christmas decorations all fall under

that category of yes, things you do because you're a human and you deserve

it, not because it's some special Yes.

Special treats.

Exactly.

And, you know, I, um, and I do say sometimes there are things that

should be your routine or your habit.

So you, in my world, if you're a person who needs to make your bed every day,

you do not need to write that down.

I don't put having sleep in there as the same category as making your bed and.

Putting in the first little laundry or whatever your morning routine will be.

Your day routine.

Because as we read more and know more if you're trying to keep anxiety at

bay or just try trying to keep an even plane sleep, drink water, and

some physical exercise, those are the three things we, we need to have.

And if those are three things you're struggling with, by all means get

it written down and that gives you the permission to do those things.

And I just feel in this world right now, just give yourself permission

to do whatever you need to do.

Um, Alison, the, the thing that really drove it home for me was the amount of

research that's coming out about how sleep deprivation compares to driving

drunk or other things of that nature.

Yes.

Um, just realizing the, the literal physical toll, that it's not just, oh,

I don't feel great if I don't sleep.

It really seriously impacts your ability to function.

It does.

And you know, this harvest, we, I kept a pretty close eye on, um, on

everybody because, uh, we had a lovely harvest where we could go and go and

go and go, but because you could go and go and go and go, we got tired.

And my nephew, who was part of our harvest crew has an, uh, a new, him

and his wife have a year old baby.

And there were maybe nights where she didn't wanna sleep

and, and dad was a little tired.

So we took note of that saying, okay, you know what, guys, we're, we're

gonna be done at 11 o'clock tonight so everybody can get a good night's

sleep and, and don't anybody else show up here till nine in the morning.

And I know for some farmers that would maybe cause them a lot of stress to not.

You know, go till two o'clock in the morning, but we all have to take

care of ourselves because we only have this crew to do our harvest.

We don't have a big crew who can come in and take over.

So that's sleep.

We're handling big equipment.

We need the sleep, we need the rest.

As a parent of young children, I really want to thank you for enabling people

to take that rest too, because I know especially it seems like when it comes

to fathers and sons, it can be very, very difficult for one to say to the

other, either, either direction that they need that rest and nothing good

happens when people get that tired.

So, no, and like you said, when we have those stretches of, of decent

weather, I mean, if you could look in the forecast and say, you know what the

next couple of days look like, we're gonna be able to make a lot of progress.

Oh, why kill your, why kill yourself today?

When you know that you've got three or four days, you know, weather forecasting

is pretty good, that we could hopefully be able to look ahead and say, you

know what, if we stagger ourselves a little bit, take some time to sleep

tonight, this is gonna get done.

Exactly.

And we don't have to race the neighbors or race ourselves or get the best, you

know, the best record we've ever had in terms of time and, and risk, our

risk, our health and our lives to do it.

It doesn't make sense.

That's right, Arlene.

Totally.

You know, and I mean, we stop also for supper and I know a lot of families are

going away from that cause I, but it's something I hope we never go away from.

First of all, I just love it when we can all check in with each other.

Everybody gets out of that combine and has a stretch.

And I mean, our combining crew is from the age of, uh, 20, late twenties up to an 80.

Our uncle who's an 80 year old.

So we've got a wide gamut of ages and, and you know what?

, we have fun at our family separate, and we don't stop for an hour.

It's not like we're stopping, you know, and having a party, but it's

just really great to get out and stretch those legs and enjoy the f the

food that has been created for them.

Yeah, that's a valid point too, even to, yeah.

And then you, someone gets the dishes back at the end of the meal.

Yeah.

makes, it, makes it easier on the person who probably, uh, provided

the food too, that then you're not, uh, going through equipment later.

It's Oh, later on looking for Totally.

Oh, I say if you don't bring back a dish, you don't get to eat tomorrow.

I'm pretty strict on that.

Yeah.

Well, and you know, breaking bread together, uh, is so important because as

soon as we take that moment, , uh, that might sound a little weird, but take

that moment and we just, our jaw relaxes.

The moment we start eating our food, it relaxes our, you know, on

your head, across your forehead.

And then it also gives everybody time maybe to ask some questions.

Simple as my combine setting doesn't seem to be working as well.

Or, you know, cuz then you've relaxed a little bit and you're

thinking about how things are going.

But I truly believe in anything we do in life.

It is so important to sit down, share some nourishment together because it

nourishes your physical being, but it also nourishes your mental being.

So Allison, I had the privilege of meeting you and hearing you speak at

an event here in Ontario a while ago, and one of the things you talked about

there was writing a personal vision statement and defining your core values.

Now, when you talk about eating together, that seems to kind of reflect

some of some of your feelings on that.

But can you tell us a bit about this process and why you think

it's important to have a personal personal vision statement?

Yes.

I think we all need our personal vision statement because it keeps us

accountable for when people or ourselves think that we need to try something

new or we need to change things.

So when we create our find our core values and mine, our family

community and connection, and from there we take our core values and

use it to help us create our vision.

So then when something new comes to us, we can be, we can use that as our check-in.

, is this part of my core values?

Uh, is this new opportunity to me?

Does it, does it cover things?

My family, my community, my connection?

And as I tell everybody, Arlene and Katie, you're now part of my family

because we've connected, we've built community, and we're family.

And then does it check in with my personal, my personal vision statement?

You know, my vision statement is to, to share stories, to give strengths

to other people in, in, I, I used to say in the world of agriculture,

but I said in the world to know that they too can do whatever they want.

as long as you're supporting your core values that you want to live.

And it's just so important.

I was just talking to a, a young woman about this the other day.

She wants to do this, this and this.

And I said, does it check in with your core values?

Is this your core values?

And she looked at me and she said, I don't even know what my core values are.

And I said, before you venture off into another new business, take the

time to figure out your core values so that you know where you're going.

And I wish in my late twenties, early thirties, I would've known that because

when I was 30, it was probably the roughest year of my life, um, because I.

I wasn't really sure what my vision was and what I should

do, and I was hard on myself.

I was farming with my husband, we were raising our children.

But did I really have a career because I didn't give myself permission that what

I was doing was my career at that time?

Cause I truly don't think I had my values in, I don't think

I knew what my values were.

So that is why I think it's so important for us to have

those core values at all age.

And this isn't something, if you're 80, you shouldn't have.

I think we should always have our core values, uh, at all times of our life.

I think that's really helpful too.

Like you talked earlier about setting your priorities.

Mm-hmm.

, right?

Where, where if there are those days where you have that request or someone

asks for your help with something and there's, you know, there's a question

there whether, what is the priority?

If you can reflect then back to what have I said my priorities are?

Yes.

Then.

You can, you can make some decisions and hopefully not feel guilty about it.

I mean, we all feel guilty about lots of stuff, but it doesn't

always have to be that way.

Right.

We we're allowed to say no as hard as Exactly Arlene.

And that's what I really hope by uh, me supporting people to find

their core values and their vision is that they don't carry that guilt.

Uh, and you know, I do, uh, I share stories of the farm and it's called

the Marathon, called life, uh, leaving you know how to manage it all and

leaving the guilt behind be cuz we do, we need to leave the guilt behind.

We all live our own lives and whatever works best for me.

I am still a highly busy people, brey person.

I get a hard time for that sometimes, but that's who I am.

And, and I really like that and that's where it comes under

my core value of connection.

And I live for that.

I love connection.

I think that's important for us to remember too.

You know, like you said, you, you thrive on connection and that's

one of your core values for people who are more introverted, that

doesn't have to be your priority.

No.

And that doesn't mean that Allison is doing it better.

No, and like you said, it, it, you know, it's just what, what your

priorities want to, what you want your priorities to be and what, what fills

your soul and what what drives you Yes.

Are gonna be different for everybody.

And that doesn't have to mean that one person's doing it

better than somebody else.

Yes.

And when you're creating that vision statement, uh, it's

okay that it evolves too.

It cuz you know, it's not something easy to do because you

gotta dig deep into yourself.

And, and I have a like a six step process of how to go through that.

You know, it takes time to do that.

Like if you were in the workplace, you wouldn't sit down one afternoon and

just have that vision statement done up.

So same with your personal life.

So I, I've given permission to a lot of people to say it's okay if it takes

you a year to correct your vision or to create your vision statement.

Well, the looks on some of their faces, who's got a year?

And I said, you do, you do take a year to create your vision.

Uh, cuz that'll give you a chance to see where the curve balls or how the balls get

thrown at you and where you want it and where you are at that time of your life.

Cuz we're all at different points of our life too.

I think Alison, one thing that gets missed too is how much stress it can relieve to

have your priorities laid out so clearly.

Mm-hmm.

, um, my husband and I went to a.

Uh, farmer retreat several years ago and talked about, you know, what is

the very highest priority for us?

And for us it was to keep our family together.

Ah, so keeping the farmland in the family does not for us come

above keeping the family together.

Hmm.

And so then, you know, the second priority is keeping the

farmland owned by the family.

The third highest priority is keeping the farm operation in the family

there and, you know, so on from there.

And that took so much stress off because, you know, keeping x number of cattle is

so far down the list at that point, right.

That it loses so much of the, the stress around it.

And for myself, I know with, with priority setting and goal setting and that I

feel like if I approach it straight on to, you know, set some serious goals.

serious things.

Mm-hmm.

my brain, just nope.

Mm-hmm.

done.

Um, but, you know, if I, if I set a priority like didn't get smallpox

this year, you know, pretty easy, you know, house didn't get taken over by

rabbit raccoons pretty easy, you know, and from there I can kind of set like

increasingly realistic goals and visions and statements and things, you know?

Okay.

You know, because it's hard to be serious.

It is about this stuff and, you know, but Katie, I appreciate how you broke that up.

So really, you guys did some life priorities and life priorities are so

different than our daily priorities, but hopefully then your daily priorities,

uh, support and lift up those life priorities that you've created.

And as, as farmers, it's so important that we create.

Those, the life priorities and have those conversations with our families.

Well, and for us it was such a big thing to have that conversation

about what if our kids don't want to take over the farm mm-hmm.

when they were babies instead of when they're, you know mm-hmm.

25 and we're pushing 70 and nobody wants to take over.

Yes.

You know, and if that happens, that happens fine.

But it felt so relieving in my own brain to have that conversation.

Ah, yes.

You know, because so many folks, I think, you know, we don't know what

to, what to do, so we just won't talk about it and then it won't happen.

Exactly.

Yes.

You know?

Yeah.

No, it's interestingly not how it works.

Nope.

No, it doesn't work that way, does it?

Yeah.

So another topic that you're really passionate about is

resilience, which seems to be a.

A buzzword.

Is it ever, you know, I'm sure if you, I was just, if you put it in Pinterest,

it's probably right up there with, yeah.

See, I thought I was so creative.

A, you know, about a year ago when I was creating my resilience with a plan

and now it's, maybe I'll take credit for creating it to be a buzzword.

Uh, no ego on my end here, girls.

So, um, hey, resilience is very important to me and, um, why

resilience is important, uh, is.

. Well, in farming, in agriculture, you, you really have to learn how to

be resilient because unfortunately we can do all the best we can.

And then mother nature, depending on what mood she is in, she can change it

within 10 seconds of what's going on.

So, but I think to be resilient, and I've done more reading on this lately and

I'm a big fan of Brene Brown and she's done a lot of research on resilience,

but after all my reading and everything I've done, I think the number one most

important thing you need to be resilient is you need to love yourself first.

That doesn't mean you're egotistical.

It doesn't mean you're full of yourself.

It means that you truly know yourself.

You're gonna know how to reach out to find that team.

You need to support you.

You are gonna create a team.

to lift up when it needs to be lifted up.

And when you truly love yourself, you glow and you share that

with the people around you.

And I think that strength is absolutely amazing.

How do we support our kids being more resilient?

I know it's a, it's a learned skill, but what are some of the kind of

the steps to becoming resilient?

What are the steps to becoming resilient?

Well, you know, I think one of the first things to becoming reil, helping your

children to become resilient is you need to, uh, helicopter less as a parent.

And I think the first step is to give your children, set them up to succeed

by giving them small tasks so when they're little, starting with small

tasks that they can actually do.

Doesn't mean they did them right, but they can do and they feel really,

really, really, really good about it.

So maybe that right now my grandsons come and help me collect the eggs

in, in my chicken house, and I don't care if they drop the eggs.

I don't, you know, that's not the point.

The point is they're brave enough to go in that chicken house and go get

an egg and bring it back out again.

And you know, and when we were raising our kids, I tried hard to give them tasks.

And I read a book once that said, if your child makes their bed, don't you

dare go in there and make it look better.

And that was the best set of words and that I'd ever read about parenting.

So if your kids, you know, if you get them to do the dishes or if they make the meal.

My mo, my mother-in-law always shares the story.

She was sick in bed and her, my husband and his younger brother,

they're just six months apart in age and they were probably five and four.

They made her toast and brought it to her in bed while the bread was moldy.

And I think they might have burnt it, but she smiled, she appreciated

it and she nibbled on that toast.

And she never criticized them once that it was burnt or moldy.

And I think as parents, we need to get back to, we gotta let our kids try it.

We gotta let them, maybe they're gonna fail at it and

then we'll help pick them up.

But I think that's how we build resiliency and, and the joy

of raising kids on the farm.

We need to let them explore without mom and dad following

them every single step they make.

Uh, we, we gotta, we gotta encourage the children growing up in this world

to, uh, go and explore and not always be organized, uh, 24 hours a day.

I'm hearing you.

That's a hard one for me, but I I, I hear you.

Oh, and you know, it's harder now, Arlene, than even when we raised our kids.

Cuz there's all this, like the phone and the social media and they're, they're

always, everybody's expected to be on all the time, including our kids, but

including parents raising their kids, you're expected to be on all the time.

Like, this is the newest thing happening, or this is this or this

is that, or, you know, I'm like, let the kids run around the rink.

Let them, yeah.

You're gonna hover from somewhere to keep an eye where they might be, but

let them think they're adventuring.

Let your kids believe they're on an adventure right now in their

life and maybe they're gonna get a little lost and they gotta figure

out how to get themselves back.

Mm-hmm.

. Yeah, that's a good one to remember.

I think for, for me, some of that, and I, I try not to be too much of a

haru, but especially around the farm.

, that farm safety aspect is, is a hard one, right?

Where you're like, I wanna keep them safe.

I know there's so many dangers, and yet I also want them to

have fun and have adventures.

Right?

You know, like the, the line between not getting too hurt when you Yes.

Work in a place with large equipment and livestock and all those types of things.

It's well, our knowing when knowing when they're ready and when you're

ready to let them go is, is a Arlene hard thing to figure out.

Sometimes I worry way more about my grandsons than I ever, ever did my own

children, when they bounce, when our grandsons bounce in our trampoline,

I'm like, who my God, And our kids, I don't even think I watched them.

I said, well, if you hit the ground, let me know and we'll

get you to the hospital, I guess.

Yeah.

But yeah, it is, and it's hard.

You're right.

And farm safety, uh, you know, and watching them, but we, it's also

teaching your kids that they have to be aware and, and pay attention.

And you don't want anything big to happen.

But every once in a while, I think the odd squished finger.

Teaches kids more than anything.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's true.

So that does lead me into my next question.

What are some of the things that you value most when it came to raising

kids on the farm or, or watching your grandsons grow up on the farm?

Mm oh, sometimes I get a little emotional when I talk about this.

I think it was, um, I feel truly, uh, blessed that we could

raise our children on the farm.

I was raised on a farm and the freedom that I felt by being raised on the

farm, that you could walk anywhere you wanted to be and you could explore.

You could also watch food being growing.

Uh, so then, I was fortunate enough to marry my wonderful husband,

and we were able to raise our children then who could live.

I call it a true life of freedom.

Living on the farm, uh, the your boundaries are, are endless because

you have the opportunity to be one with nature and, and watch, uh,

calves being born, watching, uh, plants come out of the ground, seeing

the birds come back every year.

Uh, I mean, in the last few years here we've got a mama moose that has

decided to kind of live in our backyard.

So we get to watch her and her calves, and I think we forget sometimes in agriculture

that we take this for grant and there are people, you know, living in high

rises that would probably give anything to walk on a 10 by 10 piece of grass.

And most of us have.

You know, a hundred plus acres to 5,000 acres to 10,000 acres where we

can explore and, and see the world.

Yeah.

So the next question I had is kind of leads out of that, but we'll skip

over the nail polish on this one.

Okay.

But this is a question that can sometimes annoy parents of young kids

who are in the trenches in the moment.

Right?

Or feeling overwhelmed every day.

Yes.

But if you could give yourself any advice for when your kids were little, other than

not paint your nails , what would it be?

Um, not to take anything too seriously.

Not to put so much pressure to look like it's all, all together,

because it's not all together and it's not going to be all together.

So I think that's what I'd give myself permission.

And the other thing I'd give myself permission to do.

Is it's okay to take a break as a mom.

Uh, it's okay if that break means to go ride your horse or, uh, read a book.

You know what, and it's even okay to hire a babysitter.

If you're the mighty stay-at-home mom, it is absolutely fine to hire

a babysitter just so you could go have a little bit of a break.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

The, the feeling like you have to justify a break when you're raising

kids should not be a thing, right?

I mean, what, in what other job would you be expected to, to be on call?

Yes.

24 hours a day.

Well, maybe farming, I suppose, but even at that, you know, there are, there are

times you can walk away from the barn and you can walk away from the tractor.

Yes.

But.

When you're, when you've got young kids, you are literally on call 24 7.

So if you need to hire a babysitter to take a nap or wash your hair Yes.

Do anything to not have someone crying outside the door

while you're having a shower.

Exactly.

If that's the gift you need for yourself.

And don't call it self-care.

No.

Yeah.

Like Katie said, self-preservation.

Yes.

If that, if that's what you need, that's okay.

And you know, as women, you know, when I was raising our kids, uh, you

know, it was women hard on women.

That was the tough part.

Oh, you're not a working mom.

And I looked going, yeah, I work every single day.

I just chose to do it from home.

But, you know, and it was that there was such a definition, well, you don't

know what it's like to be a working mom or to have a babysitter all the

time, or what to do when your children were sick or, and that sort of thing.

And, and, you know, once in a while, uh, I looked at one person

and I said, I'll switch ya.

Because right now, let me tell you, I think it's way easier to drop your

kid at the babysitter and go to town.

But that was, you know, and may, but it probably is not either.

But it was the life we lived in and as women we get so hard on each other

cause we gotta define everything and define the role and, and you

know, we had to categorize it.

While you're a stay-at-home mom, you're the working mom.

And, and I just, we just shouldn't do that.

We should just celebrate what we all do and support each other for

what we all do and how we do it.

And just because you're the stay-at-home mom doesn't mean you're the mom who

has to drive the volleyball team every night to volleyball games.

Either or you're, I also say, cuz you know how it, if you're a farm

mom and a stay-at-home mom, of course you have fresh muffins and cookies

ready for the school all the time.

or you go down to the co-op, you take 'em out of their plastic container, put

it in your Tupperware and drop it off.

And nobody knows the difference.

Well, and of course you're always just available to, to drop everything

to go get cows in or whatever.

Yeah.

Too.

Yeah.

You know, um, there's a very good reason that I pay for daycare mm-hmm.

. Um, because Yeah.

It's, you know, if it was that easy, daycare would be free.

Yes, exactly.

And that was, oh, sorry, Arlene, that was, I was just gonna say,

like you said earlier, it, it's not a competition about any of it.

No.

Right.

You know, we, we all, we all have to make different decisions for what

works for us and our families and Yeah.

You don't have to justify yourself, but you also don't need to tear

other people down because they're doing it different than you.

No, they're not judging you because they're doing it differently.

No.

Well, hope.

Hopefully they're not.

Hopefully they're not.

Yeah.

Hopefully they're not.

Those of us on this podcast today are definitely not judging you

for any of your choices, so just.

Do what you need to do.

All right, so Allison, we ask all of our guests, if you were going

to dominate a category at the county fair, what would it be?

And categories can be real or made up to ensure that you win.

I know I've been thinking about the whole categories at the fair, uh, but I love

making salsa and I have several recipes and so I decided I am gonna dominate

the salsa making category at the fair.

I like it.

I think that's a new one.

Are you going to.

Are you gonna enter multiple salsas and see which one the judge looks express?

I am, that's what I was thinking because I, yeah, that's a good plan.

I like trying out a few different kind of recipes and, uh, so not just tomato

salsa, but maybe a little bit of mango salsa and some mango, black bean salsa.

And so yeah, I thought I'd enter quite a few categories to see how that would

go, but I thought, yeah, salsa category at the fair is what I'm gonna go after.

Delicious.

I love it.

Alison, I had one other question too.

How do you bribe your fairer not to tell your husband how many horses there are?

We have a deal.

He doesn't tell his wife how many horses he has and um, then that way

he doesn't tell, we just keep that a secret between all of us because him and

I may deal back and forth with horses.

Like my latest horse I bought, I just bought it from my farrier.

So yeah, it's like the, uh, doctor patient confidentiality.

Totally.

Fair.

Totally confidentiality.

Yes.

Good to know that.

That's a good plan.

All right.

We'll move into our cussing and discussing segment.

We've registered for an online platform called SpeakPipe, where you can leave

your cussing and discussing entries for us and we'll play them on the show.

So go to speakpipe.com/barnyard language and leave us a voice memo.

Or you can always send us an email@barnyardlanguagegmail.com

and we will read it out for you.

Katie, what you're going to cuss and discuss this week.

So I was having coffee with some friends earlier this week and one of my friends

mentioned this, so thank you Rachel.

I'm stealing it.

Um, the fact that her husband can put jeans on his Christmas list

and because men's clothing actually goes by sizes, he gets pants that

fit, that makes sense in the world.

Yes.

Sizes based on math.

Yes, on real numbers that have some correlation with

anything else in the universe.

the actual size of the clothes that result from the number Yeah.

That he can just, yeah, write them on a list and someone can just go,

oh, this number here is this thing.

And I was thinking about it even with shoes, that men's shoes, if you

buy, you know, X size are, I mean, like, maybe they'll fit a little

differently, but definitely not the way women's shoes do anyway.

Uncool.

Yeah.

Wo, yeah.

Women's clothing is just a, an imaginary fairyland that

the, the numbers mean nothing.

Yeah, exactly.

It's like, you might as well just use letters or something because

it doesn't make any sense anyway.

No, none.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

All right, so Allison, what do you have deka and discussed this week?

Ratchet straps.

I hate ratchet straps and I don't even like using the word hate, but, uh, we

use a lot of ratchet straps on our farm.

and my husband lives for ratchet straps and I'm quite often the

one left at home to load something and then ratchet them down.

I never get them threaded the right way.

I have them backwards.

So then I'm ratcheting against the trailer and it never works.

I have maybe been known to throw a ratchet strap across the yard cuz I

can't get it threaded through properly.

So you know what's wrong with good old yellow rope that you could

just put over your load and tie it down with a good old square knot.

That's what I wanna know.

I will say when they were correctly, they're immensely satisfying.

Yeah.

But getting them to the point that they will work correctly or being on the

other side of the load from a person who just tosses the ratchet end over to you.

Oh yeah.

Well I didn't need my face.

It's all right

It's not doing anything anyway.

Exactly.

Script like I, yeah, they're obnoxious.

I feel like this is another one of those.

Things that people assume women are bad at because we're women

and not because we just don't have the brain space to maintain which

way to thread a ratchet strap.

Like I'm sorry that it's not on my list of things to devote energy to.

No, but I say then people assume that it's cuz you're a girl, I'm awesome at a

whole lot of things and I have no problem bringing up what I'm not awesome at.

And ratchet straps are one of those things I am not awesome at.

Plus you're in good company . So Arlene, what do you have to custom discuss?

So I have joined a few different egg women's groups on the Facebook and

sometimes they can be very supportive places and sometimes they can't.

And um, if you want a really supportive one, you can join the barnyard language

Facebook community because we are awesome.

And it's not just for women.

But the comments that get me the most are when you have someone make a post about,

you know, a challenge in their life and they're wanting their partner to step up.

Typically it's a man, and the other women will tell them,

basically, suck it up buttercup.

He's a farmer, he's busy, and you'll just have to figure it out without him.

Like, why are we expecting so little from our partners that we would tell

another person to also expect so little from their partner that they

shouldn't be expected to do the basics of putting their own children to bed.

You know, it's, it's not big stuff here.

Like we're talking about things like coming home every once in a while so

you can put their, their own kids to bed, giving their kids a bath, you

know, like cleaning up after themselves.

Like, these women are not asking for the world.

They're asking for basic.

Partner Yes.

Skills and, and other women are saying, oh, that's, you're asking too much.

I'm sorry.

That is not, that's not asking too much.

No.

If you're in a part, if you're in a partnered relationship and you decided

to have children together, even if you didn't decide to have children,

if you have children together, this is something you're doing together.

And just because you're a man doesn't mean you don't need to participate.

And women don't need to be telling other women that, that is asking too much.

And has anybody ever asked the man, like they truly enjoy most, just as much

as women to come put their kids to bed at night and be part of all of that?

And I think sometimes people just assume they don't wanna be there.

And that's not true.

They, they're part of the deal.

Yeah.

They wanna be there.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm gonna go ahead and point out too that, especially with infants, A lot

of dads don't get the practice with the babies, and then people give them a hard

time for not being good with the baby.

Yes.

Well, I'm spending 24 hours a day with the kid and he's spending, you

know, two hours a day with the kid because nobody's cutting him any

slack to spend more time with the kid.

And then, you know, you can't be mad that he doesn't know how to do X,

Y, and Z because he doesn't do it.

I mean, it's, you know, and then when they say it's so nice that

dad is babysitting his children,

Yeah.

That, that should not be No.

Yeah.

Hire a baby.

We talked earlier.

Yes, go ahead and hire a babysitter.

But, uh, yeah, dad, dads dads are not babysitters.

Dads or dads, unless they're babysitting somebody else's kids.

There you go.

Oh yeah.

They can babysit it up.

. Yeah.

That's, maybe we should just, that's a different arrangement.

Agree to all expect a reasonable amount from each other.

Yeah.

Because mm-hmm.

, we expect.

. I think that's the problem, is that it's so random of when and who we

expect way too much of and when and who we don't expect anything of.

And you know, maybe we could just expect a normal amount

from everybody and, uh, exactly.

you know, if there's stuff we still can't do, maybe we just shouldn't do it.

No.

Yeah.

Or ask someone else for help who has Exactly.

And don't be scared to do that.

We don't, we don't need to have all the skills.

Yeah.

Well we've solved the entire world's, all of the problems, so I, yes.

I think Yeah.

From ratchets straps to, uh, exactly.

Marriages.

Yeah.

We're, we're good to go.

Thank you so much, Allison, for joining us on the podcast today.

If people want to connect with you online to order a Navigate 2023 planner,

where can they uh, they can find me on Allison Weaver, her story with Instagram

and Facebook, or you can go to allison weaver.com and hit the shop button

and you can order a Navigate 2023.

Oh, perfect.

Thank you so much for joining us.

It was great.

Was fun.

Thank you.

It's been fun.

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