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Amber's in studio, she's drinking Lucas out.

She's wearing all my clothes because why the hell would she bring her own clothes to London when she can wear mine and I can wash and iron them?

Vogue.

Washing and ironing them.

Yeah.

What are you suggesting here?

Yeah, it made sense to me.

So here we are.

I think I wear it better than you anyway.

The only thing that aren't yours are these stunning runners.

Yeah, Amber was a complete snake.

But we already know you've heard her on a few occasions.

She is Judas.

And there's these Adidas runners that went on sale on their leopard print and she could only get one pair.

What a load of crap.

Megan didn't even get a pair.

I swear to God.

I don't care.

But you managed to get it.

I had two laptops.

I had two laptops open and I got one a.

Guess who I saw today?

Ryan Toperty.

Shane Lynch.

Oh, from Boyzone.

My twin.

I bumped into Shane.

Eyebrows were looking good.

One lynch out.

Did he.

Did he not have them shaved off or anything like that?

You know what I was really like because he came over and gave me a hug and he said hi Vogue.

And I thought, oh my God.

Do you say hi Vogue or do you say all right, Vogue?

If he knew how mad about him I was when I was younger.

Him out of the mall.

Yeah.

God, I was more so.

He was going over saying hi to me.

I was more so after Ronan.

Yeah, well, Ronan kind looked like a lesbian when he was younger.

We're only talking about Boy Zone yesterday.

Can I say that?

Probably not.

Basically we were talking about whatever, like the boy's own songs.

And what do you think number one is?

No matter.

Yes, exactly.

I loved Boys and Boys and that's.

What we used to sing and dance to.

In addition to Spice Girls all the.

Yeah, we were.

We were like boys on Spice Girls.

Then we really upgraded fast to Prodigy and Oasis.

Back Street Boys.

I was never really into that.

Backstreet Boys are brilliant.

Backstreet Boys are brilliant.

So is Blue, but I'd love.

I would go and see Boyzone.

But Shane Lynch.

Yes.

So I was on Lorraine with Mom this morning doing the passion of Mom.

Mom, she was all right.

She was on live tv.

She didn't mess anything up.

But it was so funny.

I'll keep you company, Voggy.

Yeah, okay, Mom.

Sure.

Say yes.

The job, your first rodeo.

Yeah, I think I'll be okay.

So we can finally talk about it, can we?

Oh, listen, please listen.

We Both know in our heart of hearts, it's my little brother Alexander's birthday tomorrow.

Well, it was his birthday last week on Robert Burns.

It was his birthday last week.

Yeah.

And we took him to Peter K.

And we had a really, really fun night.

Really fun night.

But his real birthday is tomorrow.

And my mom and Neil are flown over the party camera's flown over and, like, we've been trying to hide the fact that he's got a surprise party.

And it's like we've.

It's our older brother's wedding as well.

With his wife Emma tomorrow.

And I accidentally dropped my older brother's name into a text the other night.

And then Vogue text me said, did you just text also saying, Frederick?

I was like, so also said to me, is Frederick coming over?

I said, no, He's.

No, not as far as I've heard.

Which probably actually made it worse.

And I've decided that when you guys organize my 40th birthday, I will pretend not to know.

I don't know.

I've never cuffed onto a surprise party.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

We had one for Amber once, years ago.

Was.

Was that a gay bar?

That place that we had it in?

No, a gay night was on in it.

There was a gay night.

Anyway, we had a surprise for Amber in this pub and she came in and started crying.

There's pictures.

There's pictures of me crying.

Because everyone came back here 30th.

Yeah.

Because mom came back.

Gina was over, Big Naomi was there.

Oh, my God.

I just.

I was.

Yeah, I was.

I think it must have been the drink.

I.

I became a little bit overwhelmed.

And there's my friend Andy was there with his fancy camera taking pictures.

And there's one picture and I'm just like five seconds.

I think mom and I had been in the middle of an argument at the time, so I was shocked to see her.

Amber, when are you not fighting with mom?

Oh, my God.

Best pals now.

I'm gonna go see her now, this afternoon.

Take advantage of her living current living situation in London.

She know that you're going over there?

I thought, oh, great.

I invited Amber to train me later.

She's ob.

You off to go in the beach?

I can't train with my shoulders.

Oh, sure.

Please.

I'll show you.

I have my stretchy thing.

I do my exercises with.

But we're going to tramp tomorrow night.

Emo.

I'm going to tramp.

Amber, obviously, is a regular customer.

Tramp.

But.

But we're going out on a night Out.

We're going for food first.

Oh, my God.

Im.

Do you know where I'm taking her?

There's this place called Sheesh.

And I've seen it online.

Have you ever been emo?

No.

But you've spoken about it before.

Have you seen it online?

Is it the place for, like, the jazzy music?

Yeah.

I don't know if they have that music in the 1 in 10 in London, but they have that one in Essex.

But there's two Chiswick.

And then.

Have you been looking at the food?

I looked at the menu.

Yeah.

It looks like a party place.

I.

I didn't see any photos or anything like that.

Just the food.

You know me, I love.

I love a kebab.

We're gonna go there, we're gonna get kebab.

It's not really a kebab.

It's like.

It's like quite a fancy restaurant.

Well, not fancy fancy, like chill, lovely food.

And then we're going to Trump.

Yes.

So hopefully.

Surprise.

But I, as Vogue thinks, like, it's not going to be a surprise.

No, I think that we've kind of messed that up.

What happened in your week?

This week?

So you're not going to believe this.

Oh, please, God, I'm ready.

I've had a cold in my bones for three days this week.

I've been very snotty.

Now I feel a bit better today, even though I stayed in the ice block last night in the basement in Vogues.

But listen, I left the healing on for you.

If you turned it off, that's your own fault.

I could.

Listen, I could go sleep with that noise and I'd be worried about the bills.

So listen, I'm feeling okay, I'm feeling good.

Fingers crossed I don't get sick again.

And also, if you do get sick.

Again, you're allowed to bring it to us.

We don't want to hear it.

No bloody thank you.

So anyway, then, as I already said, I nearly ruined the surprise the other night.

Other than that, bit of a boring week.

It's the.

It's the final week of.

What is it called?

Try January.

So I'm delighted.

That's why I'm thinking I might go meet mom today and break it.

And then the last thing was, obviously I'm in London and had.

I just love Erlingus.

I love our Lingus staff.

They're amazing.

And just saying, like me, these.

This is not an ad.

No, it's not.

If you'd like.

Yeah, well, our mom used to be an air hostess with our Lingus as well.

And then I got a taxi tears last night and definitely full on therapy session with the taxi man.

Not for me, for him.

He also thought that I was married for 10 years and I was like, no, no.

I mean I'm in my jobs for 10 years.

And then I was kind of.

I don't know why this.

How was he having a relationship drama about with you?

What was he saying to you?

He's talking about his wife and stuff like that.

And like we got out of the cab.

Well, I.

He actually got out of the cab too.

And I was like, oh God, do I hug him now?

I don't know.

Oh God.

Full 45 minutes.

Like I tried to take the laptop out but he was still kind of chatting away.

I was like, why be sliding the headphones in?

Like, sorry pal.

Yeah, so I just gave him a handshake.

I was like, well, best of luck with everything.

Oh God, what was going on?

Come on, tell us.

No, I don't want to give too much, too much away.

But he has struggles in his marriage and I was trying to give him some advice and then he referenced the fact that it felt like a therapy session with me and I was like, but maybe do consider going to actual therapy.

Oh, well, that's kind of cute.

I mean there's literally thousands of cab drivers in London, so we would never know who that was.

You never know.

That's why I'm giving lofty details about it.

Will we hit lofties?

That's what I was trying to think of earlier, right?

Trying to think of this furniture place that I bought a few bits off.

It's lofties.

I couldn't remember the name of that.

Anyway.

Okay, Emma, let's go on to our favorite.

Are you not going to tell us about your week?

That was my week.

Oh, sorry.

I met Shane lynch in my week.

You had a cold.

There's other stuff up there.

You had a cold in your bones.

Shane lynch way is way better.

It's boring at the moment.

It's about to start now.

My 2025 is starting today.

If I go meet mom.

Thank God.

Oh no, Amber, don't be coming back now.

I'm not staying up with you.

She arrives at my house at 10 to 9 last night I said, Amber, I'm up at 6, I'm going to bed and I'm stressing out.

I'm barely like, I've barely landed.

I turn off my.

I turn my phone.

It's just like, what time are you going to be here?

Just, I didn't get enough sleep last night and I've got to be up at 6:00 tomorrow, so I need to go to bed really early.

And I was like, jesus Christ, this girl knows how to instill anyone with a bit of anxiety.

And I was like, hi, Vogue.

Good evening to you too.

Jesus.

I just don't understand how somebody would have the audacity to arrive at my house at 10 to 9 at night.

I thought you were a thief.

I was scared.

I was frightened.

But then also, and then one of.

Her text messages, I was like, okay, I'm in the cab.

I should be there by, I don't know, 8.

55.

Okay, well, you'll just get a few seconds with me.

What?

Well, I went for my health check, you know, the other day.

I want to do that.

What do they do?

Guess what?

It's kind of the same price as getting your moles checked.

Slightly more expensive.

How much is it?

No moles in Dublin is 120 quid or something.

Oh, me here is 200 quid.

That's 300 quid for a full.

I went for this body scan, Mo and I kind of blood tests.

The blood tests, they do like check all your moles all over your body.

They check your, like your muscles.

Session for that one.

Okay, sister, cards.

What do you wish everyone in the world knew?

Manners.

Yeah, manners are the worst.

Manners don't cost a thing.

That was something that old hockey coach in my second secondary school told me.

Mr.

Stewart.

Manners don't cost a thing.

Ember.

They certainly don't.

But you know, like, I even think when you're flying and you get to security and people don't put away the trays.

I was doing that yesterday.

I was there for about 15 minutes.

I know.

I say to the people that, I'm like, you have to put your own tray away.

This is not their job or mine.

You reminded me actually when I was going through security.

I can't remember where it was.

I was going through Dublin.

I was in T1 and I was using.

You know that Kevin Murphy bag you have?

Kevin Murphy is a brand.

It's a hair brand.

And I was going through security.

You know the way you're waiting when you get through security, oh God, am I going to be pulled?

Am I going to be pulled?

And I got pulled and all I hear is, kevin, Kevin Murphy.

I'm here.

You don't look like Kevin.

I was like, no, it's.

Oh God, it's a hairbrand.

Kira.

That's because my business partner.

My business partner bear By Vogue.

Gave me that bag because I went over once, my bag broke and he looks after Kevin Murphy.

So as I was stealing from his warehouse on it, that came with me as well.

Okay.

You die and go to the afterlife.

When you get there, you're allowed to have an hour long conversation with one person.

Who do you talk to?

Oh, we're gonna have to say dad.

You can't not say.

I was thinking that, boss.

God.

If God's.

It's got.

If God's real God, I don't think.

God is on the list there.

I think it has to be like a person that you know that's died.

Yeah, but I just, I was thinking.

About this and I was like, okay, you hate dad.

Fine, don't talk, don't bother.

He'd have fuck all to say.

That's the truth.

I'm on a few words.

Could we divvy this up into 15 minute conversation?

That's even a stretch.

It depends.

I think it depends what age.

Well, I'm choosing dad because I'm a nice child.

Enjoy that silent hour.

Who else are you gonna pick?

It depends at what age you head into the afterlife.

What about mom?

No, we're talking about right now.

Oh, okay.

Well, that wasn't made clear, obviously, to choose Mom.

Hello.

No offense, dad.

Well, obviously dad.

Not that he'd have much to say though.

God.

Well, you just, you're really.

You're so excited about talking to your dad down to 14 years.

Like, don't bother.

15 years.

Yeah, exactly, don't bother.

What's your favorite meme or viral moment of all time?

I love all the memes.

David's dead.

Oh, yeah.

He knows to be David.

He's dead.

Angie just said he's dead.

Oh, God.

No, he's not.

He's here.

He's in bed.

I saw a meme, which actually is like, in spite of everything that's going on, that is serious.

It was like this guy tweeted and was like, oh my God, I'm so worried about my.

What was it?

I'm so worried about my Latino mother in law.

Now that Donald Trump's coming, I hope they don't find her at her address and left the whole address.

You know that meme where your man is the guy from all the funny films and he's just going like this.

Like.

How does she not know what I'm talking about?

Okay, anyway, one is the funniest or pettiest argument you've ever had.

We must have had some petty ones.

Jesus, that'd be A long list though.

What was the last thing we thought about?

It's usually you are hidden the wrong.

Oh, I can't remember.

I don't know.

You just give out to me and I'm just like.

I quietly seethe internally.

Oh no, I gave out you about Christmas.

Oh look there.

And then when you called me I was like hello?

Sorry, who's this?

I think you have the wrong number.

Who are you looking for?

Well, my brother.

My brother and I fell out over actually this podcast that was Betty.

So basically what had happened was Amber and I mentioned on the pod about Alexander's birthday and we didn't realize that we'd mentioned it.

We'd simply said something like oh, Amber's over for Aza's birthday at the end of the month, not thinking anything of it.

And then we were saying about dry January when I was gonna break dry January, we said for Alzheimer's birthday party.

So we had to cut it out of the pot eventually.

But my brother and his wife listened to it and then they went and told my mom and Neil because they thought the surprise was up.

But I thought he was going to rat me out.

So I was obviously my back went right up and I had a massive with him and then eventually he forgave me.

Cuz Amber tells anxious I was.

I went over to his house for a roast and he's like give an out sink.

I was like Frederick, just.

Just please.

I had to go out.

I was like I have to go.

Out the back garden here for a minute.

Anyway, I won't.

Frederick's a stir.

So that's why he'd be a little rat bag trying to stir the.

Yeah, he does rat and he always tells.

He tells you something and then it's not true.

Let's.

Let's rot him out tomorrow to mom and Neil for something.

Okay, fine.

Which condiment deserves a permanent spot on every dinner table?

Ketchup.

Yeah, I do like mayonnaise.

I know you don't, but Amber doesn't like pesto.

No, not green pesto.

I like red pesto.

Weird.

Emo.

Did you like just throw me a filthy there?

Yeah, it's not weird.

Who doesn't like pesto?

It's a bit perfumey or something like that.

Perfume?

Me.

Yeah, I'd be.

I'd be a big fan of condiments.

Like I'd be sweet chili.

I'd be garlic.

Amber again when she was cooking for us once a bolognese, she starts squeezing all this sweet chili sauce into it.

I was like, oh and then balsamic vinegar on her bolognese.

Oh, God, this isn't gonna go well.

Listen, you ate it.

God.

What's a weirdly specific compliment you received that stuck with you?

My hands.

Yeah, I've gotten nice things said about my hands.

There are two test ugly.

Yeah, look at the size of those yolks.

Oh, they're slightly bigger than your big hoofers.

Right.

Who used to be your celebrity crush and who is your celebrity crush now?

I was trying to think about that and I was like, used to be Tom Hardy, now it's Tom Hardy's wife.

Joke.

Very good.

But no, I don't know, I was trying to think, did I have posters up my room when I was younger?

Remember I used to have Eric Hanson and Liam Gallagher in our room in Offington.

You were mad for Liam Gallagher.

Oh, God, I still love him.

I still love Liam Gallagher.

No, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't really know Liam Gallagher.

Used to.

And it still is.

But also I've added to that list.

Now you've got a long list.

Tom Hardy, gorgeous future.

I'm not too sure if I can see him anymore.

Tom Hardy, skepta gorgeous.

I can appreciate people who are good looking.

Like who?

Are you going to tell us?

Anyone that you think is good looking.

Jennifer Connelly.

The actress.

You don't even know who she is.

I do.

She's married to Paul Bettany.

So who do you fancy?

Jennifer Connelly, who else?

I love that movie she was in with Ben.

I don't think I like what's her name, Cate Blanchett anymore.

Yeah, I know.

I don't know, like, she looks like you.

That's weird that you would fancy her.

I don't know.

Because of that dyke Blanchett.

The gay page, the meme page.

Do you know that emo.

Sorry, what's it called?

Dyke.

Blanchett.

So Kate Blanchett.

Why is it called that?

Because everyone's obsessed.

Because they're upset.

Everyone's obsessed with Cate Blanchett and basically the fact that she could be gay.

Who?

Like, I wouldn't even.

I don't even think I fancy Nicole Kidman anymore.

I don't.

I really.

I don't really know.

I'm trying to think of singers and actresses and stuff like that.

Julie.

But come on, everyone fancies you.

Lipa used to.

Not anymore.

Why?

Why not?

For me, like she's a fantastic.

Before and everything I thought.

No, why would you not fancy her?

I don't.

That.

I don't understand that.

I don't know.

Right, we've got Agony Amber.

Okay, you're gonna have to zoom in on that now for me, Amber.

That's shocking that you couldn't read that.

Really.

Here we go.

So, Agony, this is where you can get in contact with us, specifically me, with your dilemma of the week, and we'll give you some advice about it.

So here we go.

Hey, Evogue.

And hello, Agony amp.

My name is Chloe and I've been speaking to my brother about this, but could do with an expert's opinion.

But since there's no experts.

Yeah, okay, great.

Sorry, Go on.

Are you okay there?

You know, I struggle with reading.

You obviously didn't read it.

Okay, so I've been speaking with my brother about this book.

Could do with an expert's opinion, but since there's no experts around, I thought I'd message into your pod.

So my problem is with my family's group chat.

It's got me, my brother and sister, mum and dad, and they may have five or six aunties and uncles in it.

It's basically the worst boomer chat ever, where they share the least funny memes, fall for all the Facebook hoaxes, and I even think my uncle might secretly support Nigel Farage.

I don't need it in my life.

I.

Somebody really close to me.

Really close to me.

I just found out today voted for Night of Fries.

I actually just saw, you know the.

It was the clip of him on Claire Burn.

And basically he was just.

It's basically like.

She was just like, I'm on about this.

And he was giving out stink.

And then she goes, and what about this video you posted then Nigel?

And it's him.

I don't know where the beer coffins are.

And all I've got to say is up the raw.

He was dumb fed and he's like.

Like someone sent him a cameo and he did that.

Oh, that's what it was.

And she was like, Was it worth the 17.99?

Oh, God.

So anyway, back to Agony arm that.

I keep on getting interrupted.

I feel like this is just on purpose.

So anyway, group chat.

Family, they always demand life updates.

And I want to leave, but don't want anyone to know that I've left because that would basically be like dropping a bomb and it would.

And it would be all that anyone would talk about for the rest of their life.

Help.

What do I do?

Mute them.

I.

All my friends just don't partake.

Yeah, I'm in loads of groups where, like, my friends, I'm in a group with all my Girlfriends from when I was, like, in school, and they just.

They send so many things that I just.

I have it on mute and I don't see everything.

So sometimes, like, my friends from the group will send me stuff that's important from the group that I won't have seen.

It's too many.

I can't.

I can't be doing, what, 80 messages a day in a group.

I think that you need to use that.

Certain people that just stay in the background in groups.

Why don't you become that person?

Yeah.

Just be alert.

Yeah.

Certain creepers.

You're very involved in all the groups.

I was just thinking that.

Yeah, yeah.

You love me because I just.

Because the way I treat others, how you'd like to be treated yourself.

And I would hate someone's like, post.

You just go like, sometimes.

Oh, I know, I know.

Naomi puts some questionable memes in, and it's just like, all the time.

Four ninja.

Probably give her a little, like, laughing emoji.

There feels like there's a.

There's a tumbleweed.

Like, sometimes she doesn't even get a tumbleweed.

The other day.

The other day, she put a meme in.

And literally my own uncle had put a meme in five messages before the same one.

And he was like, why are you putting this, like, look above.

We've already laughed at that.

I know.

It was the twister thing from when it was storm willing.

Poor Naomi.

Oh, yeah.

I have to tell you what got duped by that Pitbull story.

I actually only saw him in an interview, and I was just like, jesus, Vera Fxed this.

No, he.

It's not true.

So he didn't have 21 kids with 18 baby mamas.

I said to Alice the other day, I was, I.

You won't believe a pitbull has had 18 kids with 21 mothers.

And I was like, that's not possible, obviously.

I know, I know.

Okay, so, yeah, so it was absolute garbage.

He didn't have 21 kids.

Turns out it was nothing but an Internet rumor that has been debunked.

He's actually just got two kids.

Imagine being those kids.

Do you know that there was another one about Frankie Muniz, the guy from Malcolm in the Middle, that he had like, 12 kids.

And that's not true either.

Folks gonna be sending on those memes if you don't swore this on, like, on.

On WhatsApp.

If you don't forward this to 10 people in the next 10 minutes, you will die.

Okay, we're gonna do our writer slates.

Today, my rate.

I have both a rate and a slate.

So on the flight last night, I got up to use the toilet and the air hostess is starting to.

What are you watching on your thing?

Because I had my headphones on and I was like, oh, garbage.

Like, I was watching Goosebumps.

So obviously I didn't want to tell her that.

I just like, like, you can't watch Goosebumps, Amber.

Honestly, I've nearly finished of two episodes.

That skill.

And then.

You're not going to believe this.

Guess what she watched.

What?

Harrowing.

Oh, she watched say nothing.

And she.

I bet you anything you were saying harrowing on the plane.

I didn't.

I didn't, I didn't.

I'm very conscious of using that word now.

But anyway, I was like, waiting for the toilet, and she came back and I was like, do you think someone's in there?

And I could see the kind of red thing.

And she was like, let's check now.

And you know the way they're able to open the thing.

And she opened.

She knocked on the door, opened the thing, and then went to open it, and a man came out.

I was like.

And then she.

She belted down the aisle.

I was like, I'm sorry.

That wasn't me thinking.

I was trying to break into the toilet.

And my slate is people not cleaning up after themselves.

I'm guilty.

I got a.

You are guilty yourself.

I didn't want.

I'm not guilty of that.

No, you're a dirty girl.

I was.

Since I was in.

I was in a burger and chip place before I went through security yesterday in the airport.

Oh, the place in Terminal 2?

Yeah.

That's actually kind of nice.

I was like, it going to get a bit of grease.

There's these two people.

The Burger King.

No, not Burger King.

Burger King.

They don't toast their buns.

And that's not a euphemism.

So basically what happened was I was sitting there and I was watching these two people beside me, and I was like, I hope they don't do it.

I'm gonna.

And I was thinking to myself, am I gonna say something?

Am I gonna say something?

Am I gonna say something?

You're gonna get a dig off someone soon.

I was, no, I definitely would have gotten a dig off these people.

So basically, they sat there and you'd want to see the mess.

They left, like, their straws and stuff on the ground, tissues on the ground.

They left everything strewn all over the table.

And me just neatly packing all of my stuff.

Tray.

And they Walked off.

And I was like, don't do it.

I hate that.

I hate that.

It's like when I was in uni, I remember we went to McDonald's, we're sitting there and we got up to leave and I have to obviously put all my stuff in my tray.

Was going over and one of my friends, I was like, here, pick up your tray.

There.

And she's like, no, they've got people to do that.

I was like, no, no.

And that changed my opinion of that girl.

That's all I gotta say.

Because.

Because Amber's such a saint now in front is obviously I do that because I wouldn't be.

But takes nothing.

Takes nothing to do it for someone.

Okay.

My race is the.

Oh, this is so bad.

The woman who pled guilty for farting on her boyfriend's ex girlfriend.

This was an actual story, right?

So there was a woman.

She was basically, she's had to plead guilty to harassment in the uk.

This is not a Florida woman.

This is the uk.

And she's the first cyber farting case after bombarding her boyfriend's ex with videos of her farting.

So her name is Rihanna Shannon Evans.

Oh, God.

Her name and everything is out there now.

Oh, Jesus.

And she was accused of calling, causing a lady Deborah distress and anxiety by sending her inappropriate videos of her farting.

So she would just literally film it and send it to her fella's new boyfriend.

And she sent three videos of her letting rip on December.

Sorry.

Prosecutor Diana Williams said that in the first video, she proceeds to pass gas by placing the camera on her bottom and man passing the gas.

So her face smiling at the camera as she was passing wind.

And now she has to do 15 rehabilitation sessions, 60 days alcohol abstinence monitoring, and was given a two year restraining order.

She also had to pay £100 in compensation and £199.

I want to know the victim.

Is the guy still with her after that?

Like, that is.

No, he.

This is the.

This is the ex girlfriend who was sending Farfetch videos.

But how?

I mean, it was on the 22nd of December.

She'd obviously had a drink and imagine how funny she must have thought she was.

No, that's absolutely sending the video.

That's something you do.

Little Fartzilla over there sitting beside me.

Amber, you go around doing the most.

Rudy Queen.

Rudy Queen Emo.

You can even tell that Amber goes around doing loads of hearts.

I do have loads of Brussels sprites with me today.

So good luck to you, my friend.

Good luck to your taxi.

Driver, I'm gonna cycle home.

Thank you.

Lift off on the bike.

Caught in the.

Caught in my coat.

I was working with two people a while ago when we were eating and all of us had real bad problems.

But they were wearing these big huge puffer coats.

And I was like, I don't smell anything.

It's fine.

And they're like, yeah, it's stuck in my car.

Oh, like.

Do you not remember, though?

That is absolutely felt.

I'm just.

God, what was it?

I was just about to say There's.

In terms of Rudy's.

I can't remember now.

Rudy.

Rudy.

Here's other things that people pled guilty for.

Okay.

Someone stole a 52 foot bridge.

I actually knew that.

He basically dismantled an entire bridge in Pennsylvania for scrap metal.

I would imagine.

Imagine Naomi doing her hunting and gathering out the back garden.

That's something she'd do.

Remember we used to get robbed sometimes?

Robbed?

Yeah, when we were doing up our house, people would come and rob all the materials.

No, I remember that.

No.

Oh, I remember that.

I remember that.

And breaking into a home just to clean it.

So a man in Ohio pled guilty after entering a house and tidying up.

I'm into that.

Yeah.

Fresh vacuum lines, wiped countertops, and an outside.

The cleaning ferry.

I mean, bit weird.

Imagine you come in and someone's just cleaning your house.

Did he bring his own cleaning products?

I want to know.

He's like a modern day Robin Hood.

No, because Robin Hood stole from the rich to give to the poor.

He's just cleaning someone's house.

Robin Hood did a good deed.

This guy's doing a good deed.

I know, but not really.

You're breaking and entering.

Someone else in Canada, he tried to sneak 51 live turtles through customs by putting them down.

No, I'm not into that now.

God, I cruel those poor turtles.

Especially if he was dropping bombs.

Oh, God.

Someone was pretending to be a ghost in a group.

I think this is very funny.

Like one of those little things.

So somebody.

A UK mama's charge and pled guilty for drunkenly married a sheet and making.

Spooky noises in a cemetery.

Terrifying mourners.

I think that's brilliant.

Can you imagine getting pissed and being like, I know what we have to go and do?

It'd be so funny.

That'd be a real old school prank.

I mean, it would be very inappropriate if there was a funeral happening.

I mean, I think it could.

It's time to make funerals more fun.

I think it's really difficult.

The grave fart I think it's the hardest part of the funeral.

Something like that might bring a bit of spice.

Like that man who put a.

Who put him knocking on the coffin on the loudspeaker at the funeral, but he was obviously dead, but he'd done it before he died and he's like, let me out.

Never hear that.

What about that woman who jumped in on top of the coffin?

Who?

Oh, she was.

She was.

She was having a hard time of it.

She was mourning bed.

Someone was telling me a story about.

They used to work with a priest.

They were an altar boy.

Who was it?

It was someone the other day.

And basically they were up at the grave.

Maybe it was in a book or something.

They were up at the grave and the.

The priest fell into the grave, but he was in his, like, 70s and he had to call an ambulance and everything.

So they were making sure the grave was ready for the funeral.

If you understand.

Someone else.

Someone else called.

I think Bertie would follow me to the grave.

I was thinking that the other day, that.

Jesus, the energy with that.

But I was, like, trying to do some stretches this morning.

He's just like.

Like, just jumps on top of you and, like, standing on top of you.

I was like, where do you think this is going?

Like, Bertie would jump into the grave at me 100%.

He follows me everywhere and I'd allow it.

So I didn't have to go alone.

Someone called 911 because of sandwich.

Was somebody called 91 1.

Someone else still 200, 000 Cadbury's Cream Eggs.

I prefer caramel eggs now, to be honest with you, I prefer caramel egg.

But to be honest with you, I don't really like either of them.

Well, they're saying that there is now a Terry's Chocolate Orange Egg.

I don't think that would be for me.

I like cherry chocolate.

But a cherry chocolate arm, when it's.

When it's not in the sale, it's like six quid or something.

Honestly, I got bargain basement over here again.

I'm not paying full whack for Terry last week.

Now we're on to Choco.

I'm not paying full whack for Terry chocolate orange.

No way.

We were talking about celeb riders.

If you had a rider, right?

If we went on tour.

I'll tell you what me and Joanne used to have in our rider, okay?

Bottle of vodka, bottle of champagne.

Yeah.

Coke Zero.

Sorry, sorry, I need to sag you on this.

Why?

Verve.

It's the.

The.

I sent you a link to how you pronounce V?

Hang on, hang on.

Emos.

Does Amber think I give a about that?

I was wondering.

I was like.

I always think when you verve.

I was like, yeah, but I don't.

Want to be like.

But that's what you say.

Yeah, but.

Okay, well, I'm not saying moet.

Well, you're not saying.

What do you say?

You won't say verve, but you'll say verve.

Whatever.

Verb, clique.

Okay.

Click, click, clack.

Can I have a bottle of vc, please?

Anyway, we have that.

We had crisps.

Hunky dories.

John has these weird shots of, like, ginger.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

People like them for the morning.

They're very good for you.

And that's it.

Oh, fruit, Fruit, Fruit.

Okay, so I would have a selection of lots of crisps.

Chocolate.

I'd have lots of chocolate as well.

Now, you know you're only there for, like, a few hours.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Lots of different snacks.

I'd like some jelly.

Okay.

And then I definitely have some vodka.

Okay.

I have the makings of an espresso martini.

Okay.

You know, also, I'd like to point out that you have to pay for this yourself, by the way.

Remember that?

Perfect.

Perfect.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

I'm gonna be stuffing her bag full of the stuff on the way out.

And you didn't do that?

No, we actually did.

Well, we did with the booze behind.

And then maybe some bananas.

I wouldn't be a banana lover now.

I hate bananas.

But they're supposed to be good for you.

The potatoes.

You hate bananas.

I never.

I never don't see you not eating a banana because they're good for and stuff like that.

Always.

You hate bananas, but you're eating them every single day.

Yeah.

That is weird.

There's lots of things I do.

Emma, what would you have in your rider that's like.

You can have three things?

Because Amber started getting quite greedy there, and it took up a lot of time.

I want a can of Rio.

What the hell is what.

Rio is delicious.

What's Rio?

It's a tropical, fizzy drink.

Oh, that sounds like.

I'd like that.

Delicious.

Like lilt?

Yeah, like lilt, but better.

Oh, I love Lil.

And I would have prawn cocktail crisps.

Yum.

Or the Co Op salt and vinegar crisps.

No, they do hurt your tongue after a while because they're so flavored.

No, the marks of Spencer's twisty crisps are lovely.

And a pot of hummus that do me.

Really?

Oh, I'd have to get dips.

For the crisps.

No, hang on, emo.

No booze or you're not going to be a bit nervous on stage.

And a bottle of tequila.

Okay.

I bought a bottle of tequila yesterday again, Scabby.

Vogue struck again.

I was like, tequila 39.99.

Was tequila always 39.99 a bottle?

I don't know.

Actually, good stuff.

Yeah, I got.

Well, do you know what?

Since I am of an older demographic now, at the age of 39, I just feel like I can't be drinking real cheap booze like we did when we were younger because I just died too much.

But you're now your new age.

Well, your age, you're at.

You're in a new bracket where you have to tick a different box when they say, what's your.

Well, I'm a geriatric when I'm pregnant.

Oh, okay.

I'm not.

I'm not pregnant now.

That sounded like I was.

Okay, come here.

Based on that, let's get into some celebrity hotel requests.

Almost like a little rider.

So these are the weirdest requests made by celebs at hotels.

So your man Future, I love Future.

He's absolutely gorgeous.

Told us he is an 8 and 8.

He's 8 kids, 8 baby mamas.

Well, busy fella told us we had to get in water from Spain because it's the best water.

I do like that water that we get in the blue bottle because it' easily refillable and oh, my God, why.

Can'T I think of the name?

And it goes in the freezer very well.

It's a really cool bottle.

And I heard that.

Who was it?

Nicole Scherzinger will only drink Fiji water.

Yeah.

I have to say, if I'm in this, if I'm in the shop, or if I'm in the airport and I'm buying a bottle of water, I prefer an Evian.

And I know water.

I.

I just think some water, I get smart.

No, you need that.

Any.

Any extra help would be good for you.

I get it for this.

Okay, moving on.

Hotel.

Sorry.

I had to install new electrical outlets in the room for JLo as she wanted a specific amount in specific spots.

And this is why I unfollowed her.

You unfollowed her because of that?

No, I just.

I listen, whatever I love, I live.

For her thirst drop.

She's amazing.

I think that she obviously knows, like, I would trust her judgment.

And if I was the hotel, I'd probably change every single.

Well, actually, in saying that, it has been very annoying in a couple of hotels like you when there's not a plug beside the bed.

Are you.

Are you like really, really irritating?

And then also when there's only in the bathroom, there's only those two prong plugs.

So retro.

Yeah, but they're just trying to make sure you don't kill yourself.

Well, have then a plug near the bathroom so you can just extend.

That would not be a nice way to go in the bath and like dropping your plugged in laptop in.

I'm hardly like stepping up in the bath and starting to dry my hair while I'm still in the bath.

I just wouldn't know what you are.

You just take so long.

Like how long did it take?

28.

How long did it take you to get ready this morning?

Did you walk the kids to school?

I was busy.

Oh, my God.

I was minding Aussie desperate.

Where are you, Ambie?

You were minding Artie, she's minding.

Off he she goes have a shower.

You left him running around when he had a show?

He wasn't running.

He was camped up in the bed watching some dinosaurs.

So then the next one, John Travolta, he travels with his own bed sheets and house keep keeping do redo the bed on arrival.

I think that's totally fair enough.

I actually think that's that bad.

I'd be taking my own mattress.

I saw a video online of this guy testing a mat a hotel.

And if you put heat on it, so you get the iron, you put heat.

You can see the bed bugs coming through the mattress.

It's disgusting.

I don't think all hotels obviously have bed bugs.

They have to look out.

No, but how often do hotels change their mattresses anyway, we got to move along here.

Justin Bieber.

You can get them cleaned by a carpet cleaner.

Sorry.

Okay.

Paragon carpets.

Is it.

Is that who we're giving a call out to?

Oh, we could do.

Yeah, I only found that out recently.

I haven't got mine cleaned.

I just have yellow drool on.

Never mind.

God.

I'm just saying for you at home, maybe you could get a little spruce up of the old.

When was the last time you changed your mattress?

Jesus Christ.

Back off.

Just.

I'm trying to move on here.

You have your mattress for 10 years.

No, I don't have it for 10 years.

No, you can have a mattress.

I flipped my mattress as well.

Do you?

Yeah.

Well, that's because there's so much spits on them.

Jesus.

Justin Bieber requested every possible flavor we could find.

Okay, that's an odd One Snoop Dogg requ But he is.

He's having a tough old time at the moment.

Snoop Dogg requested the chef bring him a chopped up banana and drizzled in chocolate.

I don't think that's that.

I don't think that's that weird, but I just wouldn't want to eat that as a snack.

No.

Well, he's a big.

I would.

He liked the Mary Jane.

The Mary Jane.

He'll I.

The Bob Hope.

I'd probably prefer an old straw, but chocolate.

Come on, Rod.

Okay.

Rod Stewart so obsessed with trains.

He gets his model train set delivered so it arrives before him and his entourage set it up in his room.

Okay, that's weird.

What doing with the.

Remember we moved into this house when we were younger and do you remember the big.

There was a big train room in the house.

The.

The previous owner.

Please say remember that?

No.

How can you not remember that?

I couldn't believe it because it was so boring.

I obviously omitted it from my mind.

It was like, it was like this under.

Do you remember the underground tunnels?

Yes, I do.

Well, there was underground tunnels and then there was this weird train room where he obviously went and like he had like this huge setup and I just.

What, you just sit, sit there watching your trains go around in circle?

No, they take pride in like building the whole train set and everything like that.

And it's probably a little bit therapeutic.

Stewart's not even building it.

He's just someone see some comfort.

Okay.

He's obviously got childhood trauma he needs to sort out.

Tom Cruise checked in under his name, under the name Bobby Flanagan and wore a wig around the resort.

Again, I don't find that that weird.

He is Tom Cruise.

I just think he's an oddball.

And then Mariah Carey made us redo the Grand Floridian suite so it was all white.

That's a bit.

And then I do love her.

Paris Hilton was very unpretentious, didn't use a fake name and was absolutely no bother.

Lovely, lovely lady.

You see her video?

She did I want my suitcase.

Who?

Paris Hilton?

Yeah.

You know who that was?

It was the sound bite from your man Baron Trump.

And it got turned into basically why?

What did Baron Trump say it was.

When he was a little baby and everyone.

A little.

A little boy and everyone was kind of taking him off for his accent that he had.

And it's.

He's telling his mom that he wants a suit suitcase.

And then they turned it into like a dance tune and it was a trending sound on Tick tock.

I love Paris Hilton.

I think she's amazing.

Her and Nicole.

I was gonna say Nicole Scherzinger.

Nicole.

No, Nicole Kidman.

Nicole Richie.

Have a new show out.

I was writing my book, Plug Plug Plug.

I'm currently editing my book and it's up for pre sale.

It's gonna be out in May if anyone would like to read it.

It's called Big Mouth obviously.

And I was writing loads of stuff about us and how be feral children.

But there's a new like online thing talking about how to decide whether or not you were a feral child.

So.

Did you ever go barefoot in the garden?

Yeah, we used to go in the garden.

Mom used to go barefoot for the whole like of the summer and stuff like that.

We used to go barefoot, like just walking around.

Like Amber used to go around in her knickers.

Yeah.

But as I said.

Yeah.

Cycle around the dunes.

I was a bit weird now.

And I remember you doing that actually.

I don't think there's any doubt in their mind that we were feral children for sure.

Like the next one.

Like you spent time in swamps.

Hello.

Yeah.

We went swimming in the swamp.

Quarries.

Yeah.

And then abandoned buildings, if you remember the quarry where Core Castle is.

Remember we used to.

Remember we.

And the big ravine where all the old cars were.

Someone told us that there was a washing machine down the bottom of the quarry and that a boy had gone down and gotten his footstep and now he was living.

He was stuck in the washing machine.

I remember that used to terrify me.

If you used to.

Sorry.

Do you remember like you with Merlin and all this type of stuff when you were younger?

Do you remember Merlin?

Amber, that was the girl around the corner.

There was a girl around the corner and she used to say that she had this wizard that would come to her house and leave little things.

And the wizard was called Merlin, of course.

I believe you were typing on about merman.

Yeah.

Cuz it's merman.

Merman.

Anyway, of course I believed it because she told me and she was older, so I assume you were trying to.

Pawn that off to me.

I was like, this one's losing.

I better tell mom.

Have you ever crawled up the stairs on all fours?

No.

We used to slide down it though.

Do you remember?

On blankets or stuff like that.

Otto started going around on full all fours pretending to be a squirrel.

Now I'll get him to see that later then the other one is he used to bite other children.

I didn't bite.

I did.

Do you not remember?

I Bit one of the babysitters.

And then I had to apologize to her.

Bitter finger Mom.

She wouldn't come back till I apologized.

Yesterday that Frederick was playing with one of the neighbors, and the neighbor climbed over the fence to go home.

And then Frederick ran over and bit his leg.

And she said, she's telling Theodore this story.

And then she was like.

And you know what I did?

I bit Frederick's leg back to show.

I'm like, mom, I don't think that you.

Like, my mom used to pinch us under the table and stuff so no one would know what was happening.

It's the worst when someone pinches you here, here.

That's the most painful pinch behind your upper arm.

I never bit people.

Reds once bit me.

My friend Reds.

Like, you've been friends since you were kind of in your teens, so that's a bit weird.

Yeah, we've been.

I've been friends with Reds for a long time, but he bit me in the arm once, and I'll never forget the pain.

We were on the piss, and he was messing, but he properly bit me.

And it was so painful to be bitten.

Your school uniform was often incorrect.

That was by choice, really.

No, mine was.

Wasn't.

I do remember, though, you guys used.

Up to wear, like, just a jumper and jeans.

That was the second school.

Yeah.

But, like, I was like a little geek.

I got the proper blazer and everything when I was in the first school.

But I remember when I was in, like, junior infants, when I'm gonna say it was junior infants, I hope it was.

And I wet myself.

I had to get the dirty knickers in the back of the class to put on because I'd wet myself mortified.

Yeah, I never pissed myself.

Really bad for you now.

Poor little pet.

Really sorry.

Really bad for you now, Pissing yourself.

I mean, you're a bit old.

Come on.

I was, like, four or five, for God's sake.

Armor kept that up for quite some time after that.

It's the week in Goss where we find out some fun bits that we've seen online that we want to talk about.

Alrighty.

So Willow Smith says she's not a Nepo baby and that her father's fame didn't help her.

Like, absolute bs.

She said, I truly believe that my spirit is a strong spirit and that even if my parents, who weren't who they were, I would still be a weirdo and a crazy thinker.

Y'all think she are weirdos.

The whole family are weirdos.

There are definitely.

Get my wife's name out your mouth.

Poor Will Smith.

I mean it was just absolutely horrendous behavior.

I know but everyone.

Do you remember watching that live and being like like thinking he was joking and it was like.

But even the slap I was like that's like that's actually just pretend that's not.

That's not happening.

Absolutely.

Well who's worse, Widow or the other fella?

Jaden, I think Jaden.

I think they're on a par.

Who's who's worse?

Emma Widow or Jane?

J's been a bit quiet for a while there hasn't good bloody.

She's a.

She's got that song Meet Me at the Spot.

I do not for one second accept that she's not an EPO baby and doesn't doesn't benefit from her parents time.

Amber, I'm pretty sure when she first came out that you loved her for.

A single oh I do Meet Me at the spot.

Oh, that was her first single.

Okay.

It's a good tell a news story that a family of a baby who was born in Krispy in a Krispy Kreme parking lot gets free donuts for life.

Yeah into that I think.

I don't know cuz the only Krispy Kreme donut I would eat very occasionally is the glazed one.

If I get pregnant I'm going to make sure I have my.

I got to make sure I give birth near the off license.

I'm just going to or the sweet shop.

I'm just going to camp inside Bretton Thomas until the end.

Oh well at least somebody might give me a baby shower then.

Huh?

Huh?

Oh get over it.

I have three kids.

I got a baby shower for one child and I organized it.

You're a disgrace if you have a baby shower.

Do you know what I'm gonna do for you if you have if you get pregnant?

Nothing.

Oh, not a single thing.

Brilliant.

Thank you.

Go on, what's your next okay, life.

Is going so this I loved this the love loved this so little.

Is going to open an in store pub so you can drink while you shop.

I think this is ingenious.

I think it's brilliant and like I was already thinking like what type of things you could do in there like but I suppose you have to be responsible alcohol consumption and all that so it's happening in Northern Ireland as far far as I know so the pub is going to include a seating area boots and an off license actually.

Okay so I'm.

I'm readdressing my answer.

I'm just going to make sure that if I do get pregnant, I'm going to park up in the little car park.

After the supermarkets success, Supermarket successfully gained an alcohol license.

So the INIT initiative marks Little's first venture into.

I can't, I can't.

I mean, I don't, I don't even want to go to a pub.

I'm not going to go start drinking in Little.

And I don't know why anyone would want to drink when they're shopping.

People will make use of, you know, the little cup holder on the trolleys.

Pan to bit it, please.

I'm always in and out.

Like, I don't like spending too long in the supermarket.

But it's different now.

The UK licensing laws versus the Irish licensing laws in terms of like, you just apply to local councils when it, when it's in the uk.

But in Ireland you have to pay a lot of money for license.

So I don't see that happening in Ireland.

Well, people aren't buying champagne anymore due to a lack of things to celebrate.

So it's decreased.

Champagne shipments have just decreased 9.2%.

Well, a lot of people like Prosecco and Cava know Amber bought a bottle yesterday because she was worried about it declining.

I was like, we need to get that figure down, lads.

Quick, quick, quick.

And sales are predicted to plummet.

Vomit in 2025 and 2026.

I don't believe that.

I kind of do believe that.

The only time that you'll really get me over the edge, if I'm going to have if someone's offering me champagne, like, I would be like, no, I'm not gonna have a drink now.

Only if it's verve.

I'm not gonna have a drink.

But if someone has champagne and if it is verve, then yes, I will drink the champagne.

You sounded like one of those, you know how to say Veuve Clicquot Veuve a vv.

Just say it in your normal voice.

I'm Amber.

I want you.

Everyone, thank you so much for listening.

That was Amber Vogue and Amber Vogue and Amber the podcast coming to you live.

Live.

Thank you so much.

Bye.

This is a global player original podcast.