1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:16,120 15 Minute Checkpoint Due 29 Aug 2022 GMT-04:00 2 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:21,160 It’s lunchtime and you’re faced with a choice - a nice healthy salad or a 3 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:26,680 diet-destroying cheeseburger and fries.| You’ve probably encountered dozens 4 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,040 of such choices today alone and made your decision, 5 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,680 for better or worse. 6 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,360 But what exactly allowed you to act with self-control? 7 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:34,880 Or, 8 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,200 if you didn’t, 9 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:40,360 why was it so easy to succumb to temptation? 10 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:41,800 In the chapters that follow, 11 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,200 we’ll be looking closely at what self-discipline is, 12 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:49,200 why it’s so important to a successful life, 13 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,520 and how we can cultivate it day by day. 14 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,680 We’ll be looking at dozens of different approaches, 15 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:55,840 techniques, 16 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,040 philosophies, 17 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:00,720 and perspectives to help us become self-determined, 18 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:01,840 resilient, 19 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,280 and autonomous individuals. 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,520 But throughout, 21 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:08,120 there are really only two main themes we’ll be exploring - 1. 22 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:08,960 Self-Awareness. 23 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,480 2. 24 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,000 Conscious Action. 25 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:17,200 Being mindful and awake to what is unfolding in our hearts and minds is half 26 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:17,880 the battle, 27 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:22,080 but the other half is deliberately deciding to do something about it. 28 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,760 That’s why throughout this book, 29 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,480 you’ll be asked to pause periodically and either - 1. 30 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,840 Look within and ask questions to guide self-awareness 2. 31 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,680 Take Action Right Here, 32 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,840 Right Now. 33 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:40,960 Though the material we’ll cover is evidence based and makes good sense, 34 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:45,360 the truth is it means nothing if it’s not weighed against your own genuine 35 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:46,560 experience, 36 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,880 and unless it’s brought to life in action. 37 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:54,800 Look out for prompts to Be Aware and Take Action. 38 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,080 They’ll allow you to reflect on the material in your own life, 39 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:03,200 as well as put the ideas to good use by changing your behavior—even if 40 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:06,200 that’s only in small ways. 41 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,640 The good news is that no matter where you’re starting from today, 42 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:13,080 it is possible to develop better self-discipline, 43 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,240 to master your emotions, 44 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:19,760 and to gain a stronger and more resilient sense of purpose. 45 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,400 Let’s dive in! 46 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,360 The Biology Of Self-Control. 47 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,680 Let’S Start With The Body. 48 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:31,200 Though it’s tempting to think in abstract terms only, 49 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,840 researchers are uncovering evidence that willpower, 50 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:34,960 control, 51 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:40,080 and self-discipline all have the same biological basis in the brain. 52 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,520 If we can understand the brain regions responsible for self-control and 53 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:44,440 decision-making, 54 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:50,040 then perhaps we can work with our brain to make better decisions. 55 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:51,680 In 2017, 56 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:52,640 scientists (Gross et al.) 57 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:57,320 at the European Molecular Biology Laboratory conducted experiments that 58 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:02,160 revealed a link between two important parts of the brain - the brainstem and 59 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,280 the prefrontal cortex. 60 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,720 The researchers believe that these two brain regions are involved in regulating 61 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:15,360 instinctual behavior as well as self-control—a little like the proverbial 62 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,480 angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. 63 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:23,120 The prefrontal cortex acts like a brake on the impulsiveness of the brainstem. 64 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:29,080 The experiment began with observing mice who were bullied—yes, 65 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:29,360 really. 66 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:33,840 So-called “social defeat” in mice—i.e., 67 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:38,200 being bullied by other mice—resulted in a weakening of the neural connections 68 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:42,160 between the prefrontal cortex and the brainstem in the brains of the mice. 69 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:48,640 Those mice with weaker connections then behaved more defensively. 70 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:52,960 The scientists could also induce the same fear-based response in the mice 71 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,520 through the use of certain drugs instead of social defeat. 72 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,160 In these mice, 73 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:57,840 too, 74 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,840 the connection between the brain parts was disrupted. 75 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:01,240 Now, 76 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:07,360 you may be wondering what scared mice have to do with what you choose for lunch. 77 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,560 The connection between the prefrontal cortex and the brainstem is what allows 78 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,800 us to regulate an instinctual response, 79 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:15,200 i.e., 80 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,040 to fight against our instincts. 81 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:18,320 So, 82 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,520 for example, 83 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,920 when you’re standing on a high diving board with all your friends cheering 84 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,480 you on from beneath, 85 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,120 you experience genuine fear, 86 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,520 but you push against this and take the leap anyway. 87 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:34,440 Your more rational prefrontal cortex is helping to override the survival-based 88 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,320 fear coming from your brainstem. 89 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,240 Without that connection, 90 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:43,880 the fear signals coming from your brainstem may convince you to climb down off 91 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,600 the diving board. 92 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,080 Likewise, 93 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:50,040 the impulse to eat the cheeseburger and fries may be dampened by the more 94 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,600 rational prefrontal cortex that may tell you, 95 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,840 “That’s bad for you ...and besides, 96 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:59,520 you ate an hour ago." 97 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,200 Interestingly, 98 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,800 scientists noted that in difficult, 99 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:03,920 tempting, 100 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,800 or fear-provoking situations, 101 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,840 the amygdala is still active. 102 00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:12,240 Since this part of the brain is responsible for our emotional responses, 103 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,360 this means we still feel the fear, 104 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:16,360 for example, 105 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:17,600 or the desire. 106 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,000 So even if we can overrule impulsive behavior, 107 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,240 we still experience feeling nervous, 108 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:23,800 afraid, 109 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:24,240 or tempted. 110 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,760 This is neurological evidence for the saying, 111 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,160 “Courage is not the lack of fear, 112 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,600 but feeling the fear and doing it anyway." 113 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:40,400 The researchers’ conclusions were that our inbuilt instinctual urges and 114 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:41,480 impulses are important, 115 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:45,400 but that human beings still need to find ways to control, 116 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,520 moderate, 117 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,280 and regulate those impulses. 118 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:49,720 Furthermore, 119 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,720 this balance of control is something we can actually observe playing out in the 120 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,600 brain—i.e., 121 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,000 it’s not merely a question of abstract willpower. 122 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:03,200 Consider another experiment that tells us something interesting about the 123 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,440 biology of self-control. 124 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:11,000 Neuroscientists at the California Institute of Technology gathered thirty-seven 125 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:15,200 people who said they’d had a hard time sticking to diets and maintaining a 126 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:15,760 healthy weight. 127 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,440 For the experiment, 128 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,480 they were asked to fast for three hours, 129 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:25,560 and then the scientists took an fMRI reading of their brain to observe their 130 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:26,240 brain activity. 131 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:32,200 The participants were then shown fifty pictures of food and asked to rate each 132 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:36,320 picture on a five-point tastiness scale (in this case, 133 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:40,840 assume that “tasty” means unhealthy and not exactly something you’d 134 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,120 choose if you were on a diet, 135 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,400 like the participants claimed to be!). 136 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:45,800 Next, 137 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:51,080 the researchers noted which foods were rated around 2.5 on the scale, 138 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:51,480 or neutral. 139 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:56,160 They then presented this food and each of the other forty-nine options, 140 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,760 and the participants were told to choose between them. 141 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,200 Half of the participants chose the “tastier” option, 142 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,480 and half chose the more neutral option. 143 00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:05,960 Importantly, 144 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:12,080 the fMRI scans revealed that those who picked the healthier food had elevated 145 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:12,880 activity in, 146 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:13,920 you guessed it, 147 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:19,000 the prefrontal cortex—the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, 148 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,480 to be exact. 149 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:25,160 It was as though the scientists saw in real time the activity of the part of 150 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,480 the brain that chips in to say, 151 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:26,480 “No, 152 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,080 you shouldn’t eat that ...try something healthier, 153 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:30,400 instead." 154 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,920 Todd Hare, 155 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,000 lead author of the Science paper, 156 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,680 claimed that “one of the differences between people who are good at using 157 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:45,120 self-control and those who are poor at self-control might be the ability to 158 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,480 activate the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex” (p. 159 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:48,680 646). 160 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,680 We can conclude, 161 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:50,960 then, 162 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,240 that self-control, 163 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,400 discipline, 164 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:59,080 and the ability to mitigate our instincts is actually a function of a very 165 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,720 specific brain region - the prefrontal cortex. 166 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,040 This is fascinating news, 167 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:10,360 but it does pose another question - how can we strengthen the prefrontal cortex? 168 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:15,080 Do we have self-control because our prefrontal cortex is strong, 169 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:19,400 or do we strengthen the prefrontal cortex because we have self-control? 170 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,240 In the chapters that follow, 171 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,120 we’ll be considering the answers to these questions. 172 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,640 But we’ll also be looking at the question of self-control and self-discipline 173 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:33,320 from many different angles and lenses - Your Habits. 174 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,120 Your Values And Principles. 175 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,280 Your Physical Health And Well-Being. 176 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,240 Your Thought Processes. 177 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,560 Your Background And History. 178 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,800 Your Personality. 179 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,120 Your Culture And Family. 180 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:43,960 Your Environment. 181 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,880 Your Attitude And Beliefs. 182 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:46,960 Your Emotions. 183 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,560 Even Your Spiritual Well-Being. 184 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:54,680 Neuroscientists can observe brain activity and make inferences about its 185 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:55,200 function. 186 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,440 But just because self-control has a biological basis, 187 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,160 it doesn’t mean that that’s all there is to it. 188 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:05,520 If you take a deep breath and choose the salad over the cheeseburger, 189 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,600 is it “because” of your brain? 190 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,280 Or is it because of your learned behaviors, 191 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:10,960 your mindset, 192 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,840 or your social environment? 193 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,000 The answer is - it’s all these things. 194 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,760 Be Aware .- As you start this book, 195 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,480 what are your expectations about the changes you’ll need to make? 196 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,440 How do you frame the issue of self-discipline? 197 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,560 Where did you get these ideas? 198 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:33,080 We begin with the brain ...but that’s only the beginning. 199 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:37,840 What we learn from the two experiments above is that self-discipline is a 200 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,400 360-degree phenomenon, 201 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,640 and that what we experience on the emotional, 202 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:44,320 behavioral, 203 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:49,360 and cognitive levels is simultaneously played out on the physical and 204 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,560 neurochemical level. 205 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:55,560 Understanding Delayed Gratification. 206 00:09:55,560 --> 00:10:01,440 Let’s move on from cheeseburgers to marshmallows ...specifically the 207 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,320 now-famous “marshmallow test." 208 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,720 In the late 1960s, 209 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:09,160 Walter Mischel was interested in the idea of self-control, 210 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:13,240 and had a particular question in mind .- Does the ability to delay 211 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,160 gratification influence future success in life? 212 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:21,240 Mischel took preschool children and sat each one in a room at a table in front 213 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,000 of a marshmallow. 214 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,880 A researcher then told the child that they were leaving the room, 215 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,160 and that meant the child had two choices—1) 216 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,080 wait a little while for the researcher to return, 217 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,920 without eating the marshmallow, 218 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,080 whereupon they’d be given more marshmallows, 219 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,680 or 2) 220 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,840 if they absolutely couldn’t wait, 221 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,680 they could eat the marshmallow, 222 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,800 but then they wouldn’t receive any more. 223 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,440 In this case, 224 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,920 they’d ring a bell and the researcher would return. 225 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,560 The researchers were in another room, 226 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:57,360 recording just how long each child could delay gratification—if at all! 227 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:02,760 Fast forward a few years and the researchers discovered that those children who 228 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:07,600 could wait the longest before gobbling the marshmallow showed better academic 229 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,000 performance by the time they were fifteen years old. 230 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,800 In other words, 231 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:16,040 the time delay was a reliable predictor of future success. 232 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,440 It wasn’t just school success, 233 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:18,760 either. 234 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,600 The children able to delay gratification had lower aggression, 235 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,680 more social responsibility, 236 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:25,840 higher confidence, 237 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,680 and better overall self-efficacy. 238 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,720 According to Mischel, 239 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:35,440 the cognitive skills that allowed the preschoolers to resist the marshmallow 240 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:40,800 were the same ones that enabled more general self-control and self-regulation 241 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:41,520 in all of life. 242 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:47,720 Mischel later expounded on a “hot” and “cool” theory where the 243 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,280 emotional and instinctual reaction (“go!”) 244 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,080 was kept in check by the rational, 245 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,040 slower, 246 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,320 and more neutral reaction (“know”). 247 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:02,640 This may sound not unlike the relationship between the brainstem and the 248 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:03,720 prefrontal cortex! 249 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:07,040 It doesn’t matter if your goal is to lose a few pounds, 250 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,120 save money for something important, 251 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:14,080 or quit procrastinating—knowing how to delay gratification and check 252 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:18,840 impulsiveness is a key skill that affects your entire life. 253 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:24,480 It’s especially important when you consider that the world is often set up to 254 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:25,040 create, 255 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,080 sustain, 256 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:32,080 and reward addictive and impulsive behavior while downplaying long-term reward 257 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:33,680 (see, 258 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,440 the entire advertising industry). 259 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:41,240 Delayed gratification is the ability to delay the fulfilment of an impulse for 260 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:45,760 immediate satisfaction in favor of a reward sometime in the future. 261 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:50,600 The term is often used along with concepts of self-regulation, 262 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:51,800 discipline, 263 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,040 and self-control. 264 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:57,640 According to Baumeister et al.’s theory of self-regulation (2007), 265 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:02,240 there are five areas in which we can delay gratification - 1. 266 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,360 Food (e.g., 267 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:08,440 having a smaller meal rather than a bigger one today to avoid becoming 268 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,200 overweight in many years’ time) 269 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,000 2. 270 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:15,560 Addiction and physical pleasures (e.g., 271 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:20,920 choosing not to feel the joy of a particular substance right now so you can 272 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,440 enjoy health and freedom in the long run) 273 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,680 3. 274 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,840 Social interactions (e.g., 275 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,840 foregoing a party so you can work or study, 276 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,960 even though it’s obviously less fun to do so) 277 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,160 4. 278 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,640 Money (e.g., 279 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:42,520 foregoing the pleasure of spending on little things today so that you can 280 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,120 afford to retire earlier in the future) 281 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,120 5. 282 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,120 Achievement (e.g., 283 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:53,080 turning away from momentary distractions to keep focusing on the long-term 284 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:53,520 goal, 285 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,760 even though it’s not very exciting or rewarding) 286 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,480 As you can see, 287 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:02,840 inhibitory and self-regulating behavior kind of goes against the grain! 288 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:07,520 It’s the ability to consciously choose to feel less good in the moment so 289 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,760 that you can feel better in the future. 290 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:15,320 The ability to value the future over the present takes maturity, 291 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,120 discipline, 292 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,080 and control, 293 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:21,880 since grasping pleasure in the moment is often the default mode. 294 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:27,920 Our species has evolved to seek immediate gratification for a good reason .- 295 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,720 Tomorrow is not guaranteed, 296 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:34,200 and our survival may hinge on us seizing opportunities for pleasure in the here 297 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:34,720 and now. 298 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,040 But left to its own devices, 299 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:41,440 this mechanism can result in impulsive and self-destructive behavior. 300 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,120 At the same time, 301 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:47,760 constantly delaying gratification and inhibition is not always the best 302 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:48,440 strategy, 303 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:48,840 either. 304 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:53,840 There may well be times when it is better to accept fifty dollars today instead 305 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,800 of five hundred dollars in ten years—especially if, 306 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:57,560 for example, 307 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,720 you have reason to believe you won’t be around in ten years! 308 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:01,760 But, 309 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,520 if you are able to consistently eat well, 310 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,640 turn down damaging addictions, 311 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:10,160 make smart choices that contribute to your long-term development, 312 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,320 invest money, 313 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,800 and habitually avoid distractions, 314 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,280 it’s hard to imagine what goal you couldn’t achieve. 315 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:18,360 So, 316 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:22,880 the battle between the prefrontal cortex and the brainstem comes down to two 317 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,600 things - Impulse Versus Conscious Choice. 318 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:30,800 Pleasure in the moment versus reward in the future. 319 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:37,240 Being a slave to instinct versus mastering it for your own ends. 320 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:42,760 You only need to consider how high the global rates are for mental health 321 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,160 issues, 322 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,320 obesity, 323 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,000 addiction, 324 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:46,760 divorce, 325 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:52,080 and debt to see how rare it is to choose something other than instant 326 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:52,880 gratification! 327 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:58,120 What Does Impulsivity Look Like In Your Life? 328 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,800 Be Aware .- So, 329 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:02,440 be honest, 330 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,080 how impulsive are you? 331 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,480 How would you score on the marshmallow test? 332 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,680 Don’t be so quick to assume that you have no issues with self-discipline 333 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,760 merely because certain tasks are not a problem for you. 334 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:21,920 The lack of self-discipline and ability to delay gratification can show up in 335 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,800 many different ways in different people’s lives. 336 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,560 For example - Vicky doesn’t like having to compromise, 337 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,440 preferring to simply end friendships if they become too much hard work. 338 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,040 Her relationships suffer, 339 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:35,360 too, 340 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:40,680 because she constantly chooses the instant gratification of starting a new, 341 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:44,920 fun relationship rather than sticking through thick and thin with the person 342 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,160 she’s already with. 343 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,720 Consequently, 344 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,640 no relationship lasts longer than a year, 345 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,440 and ultimately she feels lonely and aimless. 346 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:58,800 Jaden has a wife and loves her, 347 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,440 but unable to temper his addiction to pornography, 348 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:07,280 he finds his lack of impulse control eroding the trust in his marriage. 349 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,880 On top of this, 350 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:14,000 his addiction to social media and the instant gratification of the online world 351 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:19,400 means he seldom has the patience or attention span to connect in deeper, 352 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,000 more meaningful ways with his wife. 353 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,520 In time, 354 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,000 he loses the feeling of genuine closeness with her. 355 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:35,640 Laura is a student whose life is slowly being ruined by ...junk food. 356 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,640 More than one hundred pounds overweight, 357 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,240 she realizes her health and self-esteem are in tatters, 358 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,800 and despite knowing she shouldn’t, 359 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:50,240 she fritters away the little disposable income she has on high-fat, 360 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,840 high-sugar food that she sometimes doesn’t even enjoy. 361 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,600 Mike is intelligent, 362 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:58,480 passionate, 363 00:17:58,480 --> 00:17:58,960 and talented. 364 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,840 He has been trying to write a book for nearly ten years. 365 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:04,000 Somehow, 366 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,120 he can never seem to muster enough motivation. 367 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:12,920 He cannot work undisrupted on any one task for more than a minute or two before 368 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:17,280 his mind wanders to something more immediately satisfying. 369 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,800 After a day of excuses, 370 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,240 procrastination, 371 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,160 and distractions, 372 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,640 he’s achieved absolutely nothing. 373 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,720 In the moment, 374 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:33,080 it seemed like the obvious choice to watch YouTube videos and read news 375 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,280 articles instead of writing. 376 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,840 But as his fortieth birthday rolls around, 377 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:42,080 he is hit with the sad realization that all these temporary amusements have 378 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,160 amounted to nothing, 379 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,160 and that his big dream is still just that—a dream. 380 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,320 As you can see, 381 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,240 knowing how to be patient, 382 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,880 delay gratification, 383 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:57,440 and moderate impulses is about so, 384 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,720 so much more than just turning down a sweet treat here and there! 385 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,640 As we’ll explore in later chapters, 386 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,200 the phenomenon of self-control, 387 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,280 discipline, 388 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:13,280 or curtailing impulsiveness is really about making brain changes that allow you 389 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,240 to completely shift your mindset. 390 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:20,840 It’s arguable that a huge portion of what we call self-help and personal 391 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:24,880 development is really just an attempt to master self-control, 392 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,560 only in disguise. 393 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,200 Be Aware .- On a scale of one to ten, 394 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:34,480 how well developed do you think your own self-discipline is? 395 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,360 And if you didn’t give yourself a high score, 396 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:39,600 what’s standing in the way? 397 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,760 Maybe it’s - 398 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:42,560 •Society, 399 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,320 which lay traps for you at every turn 400 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:49,520 •Knowing that even if you do delay gratification, 401 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,480 the rewards are not guaranteed and not always proportional (for example, 402 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:59,400 you might pass on the cake today and still be overweight in a year’s time 403 00:19:59,400 --> 00:19:59,400 ...) 404 00:19:59,400 --> 00:19:59,400 405 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,800 •You feel bad (depressed, 406 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:03,480 anxious), 407 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:08,800 and that small moment of instant gratification literally feels like all you 408 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,120 have going for you right now 409 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:14,320 •Because life feels unfair and unpredictable, 410 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,160 and if there is a way to succeed and do well, 411 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:22,360 you worry that the rules are complex and not so straightforward (for example, 412 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:26,640 what if restricting calories is actually making you gain weight? 413 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,720 Is it even possible for people to lose weight? 414 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:34,200 What’s the right thing to do when there is so much conflicting advice out 415 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:34,400 there, 416 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,000 anyway? 417 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,600 Why delay satisfaction when you’re not even sure that it will bring you any 418 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:40,040 reward?) 419 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,880 •You don’t know when the reward will come, 420 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,440 and that feels as good as never. 421 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,400 Instant gratification, 422 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:48,840 however, 423 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,080 is conveniently right here in front of you ... 424 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:57,480 •The fact that you don’t really have faith in your own abilities and deep 425 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:03,040 down don’t believe that change is possible for you Take Action .- Before 426 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:03,680 reading any further, 427 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:08,720 get a hold of a journal or diary where you can monitor your responses to 428 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,720 certain questions and keep track of exercises you complete. 429 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,520 Keep this journal private! 430 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:20,320 Something you might be happy to learn is that Mischel discovered that there 431 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:25,960 were in fact easy ways to get his child study participants to wait just a 432 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,840 little longer for the marshmallow. 433 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,000 When the children sang songs, 434 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:31,600 for example, 435 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,280 thought about something else, 436 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:37,400 or covered their eyes so they couldn’t see the marshmallow, 437 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,360 they were able to wait longer. 438 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,760 So there is hope! 439 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:44,680 If we understand how our brains work, 440 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:49,960 we can use practical tips and tricks to work around our limitations. 441 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,200 Mischel learned through his research that people tend to have better 442 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,520 self-control when they have definite time frames (i.e., 443 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,680 they know how long they have to wait to fulfill an impulse) 444 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,320 and when these timeframes are realistic. 445 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:10,800 If you re-read the above bullet list of all the reasons it’s difficult to 446 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:11,960 have self-discipline, 447 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,000 and then invert them, 448 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:18,000 what you’ve done is create a road map leading you out of impulsivity. 449 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,160 We can develop greater self-mastery by - 450 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:27,200 •Actively controlling our exposure to discipline-destroying aspects of our 451 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:27,640 culture 452 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,160 •Choosing modest, 453 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:31,000 realistic, 454 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,720 and achievable goals that you have reason to believe you can actually reach 455 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,760 •Making sure that you’re as calm, 456 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,840 contented, 457 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:39,800 healthy, 458 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:44,120 and balanced within yourself so that you are never relying on the satisfaction 459 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,920 of impulses as your sole source of well-being 460 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:51,720 •Making smart choices to manage unpredictability in the world, 461 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:55,360 and taking rational steps to control what you can 462 00:22:55,360 --> 00:23:01,760 •Setting your own goals so you can decide when and how frequently you 463 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,280 experience a reaffirming reward 464 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:10,960 •Building your self-confidence so that you can trust in your own ability (and 465 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:11,560 right!) 466 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,400 to improve and be better, 467 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:18,160 even if it takes time and effort As you read on, 468 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:22,760 you will discover a wealth of different ways to achieve all the above. 469 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:27,640 Why Even Bother With Self-Discipline? 470 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:32,560 You may wonder why we’re dwelling so much on the benefits of self-discipline. 471 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:37,040 Do you find yourself anxious to skip ahead in the book and start reading all 472 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,400 the clever tips and tricks that will help you achieve your goals as quickly and 473 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:41,800 easily as possible? 474 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:49,640 Pause and just notice that impulse—it may in fact be a sign of lack of 475 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:50,080 discipline! 476 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:50,680 After all, 477 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:55,960 this hunger for a quick fix is the same as a desire for immediate gratification. 478 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,440 But if you notice this response in yourself, 479 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,720 you’ll see that what you’re privileging is the reward, 480 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,520 the satisfying outcome, 481 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,720 and the fulfillment of a fleeting desire in the present. 482 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,240 In impulsive moments, 483 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,120 there is one thing you’re not focusing on - the future. 484 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,800 By dwelling on the benefits of self-discipline, 485 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:23,160 you are refocusing your attention on a different pleasure—the bigger one that 486 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,080 unfolds later. 487 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:28,000 If you’re staring at an enticing piece of chocolate cake, 488 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:32,200 you may well convince yourself that nothing in the world could be nicer than 489 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,760 having it there and then. 490 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,160 But then, 491 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:39,160 fast forward a few weeks when staring at yourself in the mirror, 492 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,960 and with the taste of the chocolate cake long gone, 493 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,360 you may start to realize that feeling healthy, 494 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:45,760 lean, 495 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:50,200 and happy in your own skin was actually worth a lot more to you. 496 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:55,120 By focusing on the benefits of delayed gratification and greater 497 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:55,520 self-discipline, 498 00:24:55,520 --> 00:25:00,480 you keep your eye on the bigger prize and put momentary pleasures into 499 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:01,160 perspective. 500 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:06,400 The brainstem is that primitive part of your brain that says, 501 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:07,240 “Just do it! 502 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,760 Now is all that matters!" 503 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:14,000 But the prefrontal cortex is the more evolved part that allows you to pause and 504 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:14,320 say, 505 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,040 “Your actions have consequences. 506 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,640 How will your behavior in the present unfold? 507 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,400 Is it what you want? 508 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,440 Your wants and desires are not always an indication of the best possible 509 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:26,960 action, 510 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,840 and things that feel good right now are not necessarily good for you ...” 511 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:37,960 The benefits of allowing your prefrontal cortex to step in and help you act 512 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:44,960 with rational conscious choice include - Better health – You won’t be a 513 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:45,720 slave to addictive, 514 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:46,760 unhealthy foods, 515 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,720 and you won’t routinely take in more food than you need, 516 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:54,440 so you spare yourself the health problems that come with overweight and obesity. 517 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:59,280 You also lessen the chances of being addicted to other substances—caffeine, 518 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:00,360 alcohol, 519 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:01,360 nicotine, 520 00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:07,400 or recreational drugs—that rob you of your free will and undermine your 521 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:08,360 quality of life. 522 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:15,880 Better academic or work performance – A study by Duckworth and Seligman 523 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,080 (2005) 524 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:21,000 found that self-discipline was correlated with better educational outcomes in 525 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:21,480 children, 526 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,760 including better attendance and higher grades. 527 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:25,840 Here, 528 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:30,480 self-discipline was directly related to lower screen time and fewer 529 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,200 distractions. 530 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,960 For adults, 531 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:34,200 Converse, 532 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:34,800 Pathak, 533 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,400 and DePaul (2012) 534 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:41,200 found that greater self-control predicted increased pay and better prestige. 535 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:48,240 Better relationships – Knowing how to regulate strong emotions, 536 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:52,520 how to set aside your own desires and focus on others during listening, 537 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:57,640 and how to be patient all lead to better interpersonal connections, 538 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,160 whether that’s with family, 539 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,040 friends, 540 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:01,120 or colleagues. 541 00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:05,480 Self-discipline means you’re able to take responsibility for yourself while 542 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:06,680 drawing good boundaries. 543 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:13,840 Things like compassion and perspective-taking can only happen when we are able 544 00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:19,440 to voluntarily pause our own desires in the present and focus on other people. 545 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:23,840 Just as short attention spans lead to shallow work, 546 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:28,920 poor self-control in relationships leads to shallow and unsatisfying 547 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,000 connections with others. 548 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:36,320 Greater chance of achieving goals – Face it - in life, 549 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,920 the most impressive and satisfying goals are never those that happen merely by 550 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:41,680 accident. 551 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:42,720 Rather, 552 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:48,640 the things we most want to achieve take sustained effort over a long period of 553 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:49,000 time. 554 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,280 If we are constantly trapped in the present, 555 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,280 distracted by momentary rewards, 556 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,080 we never build the momentum for something greater, 557 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,360 be that creating something unique, 558 00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:02,680 building a business, 559 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,160 achieving a fitness or athletic goal, 560 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:06,400 developing a new skill, 561 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:10,760 or enduring the rigors of tertiary education. 562 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:18,200 Better mental health – Those with good self-discipline trust themselves and 563 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,080 have higher self-esteem and maturity. 564 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:24,160 They feel more resilient because they know they are capable of holding their 565 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,760 own in the face of distraction or temptation. 566 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:33,360 Knowing how to anchor in your own will and self-regulate is a big part of being 567 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:34,760 a well-rounded mature adult. 568 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:40,560 Less criminal behavior – This one goes without saying! 569 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:41,640 Really, 570 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:45,600 there is just one big benefit that comes from better discipline, 571 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:50,960 and it’s this - the ability to be in control of your own life. 572 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:57,000 The satisfaction that comes with knowing that you are the driving force behind 573 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:57,680 your thoughts, 574 00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:58,320 feelings, 575 00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:58,960 and actions, 576 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,840 and not something external to you. 577 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:06,480 Many of us think of self-discipline as a boring and difficult thing, 578 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,280 almost like a punishment. 579 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:14,320 We imagine a kind of internalized drill sergeant whose job in life is to make 580 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:18,120 us unhappy and keep us away from what we really want. 581 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:23,400 But we can reframe this and understand that self-discipline and self-control 582 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,640 are actually the only means we have to creating more freedom for 583 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:31,080 ourselves—freedom to choose what we want our lives to be. 584 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:35,320 Though it may take practice and some trial and error, 585 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:39,120 being in command of ourselves is actually the happier, 586 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:40,600 more balanced, 587 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,400 and calmer state of mind. 588 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:43,920 It is, 589 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:44,800 deep down, 590 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:50,280 the thing we really want—not the piece of cake or the quick fix or the 591 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,120 distracting social media post. 592 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,320 If we constantly remind ourselves of this fact, 593 00:29:55,320 --> 00:30:00,640 then we are constantly putting ourselves back in control and inviting our 594 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,400 prefrontal cortex to make the final decision. 595 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,840 Take Action .- In your journal, 596 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:10,440 take a moment to think about the benefits you’d most like in the various 597 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:11,360 areas of your life, 598 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:12,440 such as health, 599 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:13,720 relationships, 600 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:14,160 etc. 601 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,720 In what ways are you most ready to improve? 602 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:21,920 What part of your life is crying out most for transformation? 603 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:26,080 Willpower Fatigue. 604 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:30,840 Self-discipline is like a muscle—the more you exercise it, 605 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,160 the stronger it gets. 606 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:33,960 The stronger it gets, 607 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,400 the easier it finds certain tasks, 608 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,640 and what was once difficult eventually becomes easy. 609 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:44,200 But self-discipline is also like a muscle in the sense that it can get worn out 610 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:44,960 and depleted. 611 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,160 It needs to rest just like your muscles do. 612 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:52,320 The strongest person in the world can “spend” their muscle strength in a 613 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:53,440 hard training session, 614 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:57,840 and then be utterly weak until they rest up and recuperate. 615 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,480 Any strength trainer will tell you, 616 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:01,000 however, 617 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,400 that resting your muscles and allowing them to recover is a big part of what 618 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:05,880 makes them stronger in the long run, 619 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:06,120 though. 620 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:11,960 People tend to think of willpower as an all-or-nothing thing—we either have 621 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:12,760 it or we don’t. 622 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:17,920 But willpower is best thought of as a tank that can fill and empty throughout 623 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:18,160 the day, 624 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,760 and can be influenced by our choices and environment. 625 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:27,640 A now-famous study published by the National Academy of Sciences showed what 626 00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:34,840 happened when psychologists examined 1112 judicial rulings. 627 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,360 In these cases, 628 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:40,560 a judge needed to decide whether a criminal should be released from prison on 629 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:40,960 parole. 630 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:45,920 The researchers were surprised to discover that the judges’ choices appeared 631 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:50,360 to be most influenced not by the unique cases in front of them, 632 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:54,280 but by something else - the time of day. 633 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,560 Namely, 634 00:31:55,560 --> 00:32:00,480 favorable rulings tended to be made sixty-five percent of the time if held in 635 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:00,800 the morning, 636 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:05,520 but chances of being granted parole would drop as the day wore on. 637 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:06,800 After lunch, 638 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:10,720 the positive-ruling rate shot back up to sixty-five percent. 639 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,400 But as the hours rolled by, 640 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,360 this rate again dropped steadily downward, 641 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:19,120 until it was near zero percent at the close of day. 642 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,480 It doesn’t take a genius to guess why. 643 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,960 The judges were simply getting tired! 644 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,480 After lunch, 645 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:28,720 somewhat refreshed, 646 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,760 they were able to give the cases their full and impartial attention, 647 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,560 but with each passing hour, 648 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:40,440 their “decision fatigue” increased and they made less charitable judgments. 649 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:45,120 It didn’t matter whether the crime was rape or murder or fraud—the pattern 650 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:45,920 was consistent. 651 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:51,000 It was as if the decision-making muscle of each judge was getting worn out and 652 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,880 less and less able to function correctly as the day wore on. 653 00:32:54,880 --> 00:33:00,600 So what we can conclude (other than that we should schedule our parole hearings 654 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:01,720 for mornings if we can!) 655 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:06,600 is that the judges didn’t exactly have high willpower or low 656 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,960 willpower—rather, 657 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,760 they depleted what willpower they had. 658 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,920 In the same way, 659 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:18,440 that time you cheated on your diet last Tuesday doesn’t mean you had low 660 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:22,840 willpower—it just meant that your willpower current’s account was overdrawn 661 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,680 that day ...perhaps it had already been spent on something else! 662 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:32,640 So-called decision fatigue can also be understood as willpower fatigue. 663 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:38,320 You can say no to the temptation once (that’s one rep of your willpower 664 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:38,680 muscle) 665 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:43,600 and then say no to it again another dozen times later in the day (that’s more 666 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:44,040 reps). 667 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,640 But come the evening, 668 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,840 that poor willpower muscle is worn out. 669 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,760 So you arrive home after a long hard day and think, 670 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:52,640 “Well, 671 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,440 I’ve been so good. 672 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:58,160 I deserve it,” and you finally succumb to temptation. 673 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:03,920 This is not unlike what weight trainers call muscle “failure”—you 674 00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,280 literally cannot use the muscle anymore. 675 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:07,800 Crucially, 676 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,160 your willpower muscle (your prefrontal cortex) 677 00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,240 is responsible for a lot of different jobs throughout the day, 678 00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:19,240 and spending all your will on one task means it’s not available for another 679 00:34:19,240 --> 00:34:19,680 task. 680 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:20,560 For example, 681 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:24,880 you may have spent all day at work solving problems, 682 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:26,200 making decisions, 683 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,040 and resisting distractions. 684 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,560 When you get home and it’s time to go to the gym, 685 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:30,760 though, 686 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:36,120 you suddenly feel “too tired” even though you’ve been sedentary for hours. 687 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:39,520 You’re not lazy—you really are tired. 688 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,040 But what is exhausted is not your body, 689 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,080 but your sense of willpower and self-control. 690 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:50,600 Think of it as different currencies—you can spend dollars in one moment and 691 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,120 euros and yen in the next. 692 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:53,960 But ultimately, 693 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:54,600 it’s all money, 694 00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,200 and you only have so much of it to spend. 695 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:02,120 Be Aware .- When was the last time your willpower failed? 696 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:03,640 What time of day was it, 697 00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,200 what was the context, 698 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:11,800 and what made it so difficult to maintain discipline at that moment when you 699 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,680 had maintained it at other times? 700 00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,120 If you can’t think of anything, 701 00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:21,800 stay alert all throughout today and notice how your sense of self-control waxes 702 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:22,600 and wanes. 703 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:26,240 How To Protect Your Willpower. 704 00:35:26,240 --> 00:35:31,960 So how do you cultivate and improve your own sense of self-discipline? 705 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:32,840 Well, 706 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:37,520 it’s not by magically creating more willpower—that’s impossible. 707 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:38,200 Instead, 708 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:42,480 it’s by protecting and managing the willpower we do have. 709 00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:47,160 Here are a few simple ways to do that—notice that in each case, 710 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:52,080 you are Not required to strong arm your way through things and valiantly fight 711 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:52,680 off temptation. 712 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:56,480 Remember that you can only be strong for so long. 713 00:35:56,480 --> 00:36:01,000 You need a strategy that will still be in place for all those times your 714 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,400 willpower muscle is fatigued and replenishing. 715 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:08,000 Do The Most Important Thing First. 716 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,240 This is only logical. 717 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:14,560 Prioritize the task that is most important and demands the most of you. 718 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,400 Many people do not really lack willpower at all, 719 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:22,360 but rather have just mismanaged their willpower and wasted it on the wrong 720 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:22,640 thing. 721 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:28,320 A good habit is to assign yourself just three things to do every day. 722 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:33,200 Choose no more than three tasks that you are unwilling to leave unfinished by 723 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:33,920 the end of the day. 724 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,240 Ask yourself, 725 00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,160 “Which thing would, 726 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,200 if completed, 727 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:42,360 make me feel most satisfied and accomplished by the end of today?" 728 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,800 Then do that thing first. 729 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:49,600 You can tackle other less important ones later if you complete the important 730 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,480 three, 731 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:55,160 but do not allow these secondary tasks to derail or distract you. 732 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:56,480 For example, 733 00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:01,000 you might be the kind of person who is most energetic and alert at 11 a.m. 734 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:01,880 every morning. 735 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:07,400 You put a fence around your best two or three hours and dedicate this time and 736 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,440 energy to your most important goals. 737 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:14,120 Instead of tiring yourself out on boring low-level work, 738 00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,600 you spend this time strategizing, 739 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:17,520 creating, 740 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,000 solving problems, 741 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,680 or tackling the meatier issues. 742 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:26,040 Give Yourself Fewer Decisions. 743 00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:32,640 Plenty of self-help advice out there tells you to “just decide to do it." 744 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,240 That’s well and good, 745 00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:39,000 except you now know that the ability to decide is not infinite. 746 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,160 Instead, 747 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:45,400 treat your capacity for decision-making as a limited resource to guard. 748 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:49,440 Reserve it for situations that genuinely need it most. 749 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,200 The other stuff? 750 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,840 You can put that on autopilot. 751 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,480 If you can make something automatic, 752 00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:00,440 then you no longer have to make a decision about it—or rather, 753 00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:02,560 you make a decision once and move on. 754 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:03,400 For example, 755 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:08,480 if you keep finding that the chore of deciding what’s for dinner every day is 756 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:09,920 depleting your willpower too much, 757 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,920 then stop giving yourself that decision. 758 00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,960 Set up a meal order service, 759 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,800 get someone else to cook for you, 760 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:22,800 or batch cook everything once a week and label your meals so you know ahead of 761 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,480 time exactly what you’re eating, 762 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,800 no further thought required. 763 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:32,360 It can be a waste of your time and energy to mull over improving your 764 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:33,560 decision-making process. 765 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:33,840 Instead, 766 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,840 just stop making as many decisions! 767 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:42,840 This is what schedules and habits are designed for—to take away your choice. 768 00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:49,200 You could deplete your willpower trying to decide whether you should do X or Y 769 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:49,800 this evening. 770 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:51,000 But if you have a schedule, 771 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:56,720 you’ve already solved the problem—just consult the schedule and do that. 772 00:38:56,720 --> 00:39:00,520 Don’T Beat Yourself Up. 773 00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,760 If you simplify your life, 774 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:09,760 budget your willpower and energy and make the right thing the easiest and most 775 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:10,640 automatic thing, 776 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,360 you can get pretty far. 777 00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:13,640 But even still, 778 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,280 you will occasionally make a choice you later regret. 779 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,200 We are all fallible, 780 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,680 and perfection is not possible. 781 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:25,560 This means we also need a strategy for dealing with inevitable slip-ups. 782 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:31,440 The best strategy is not to fall into self-admonishment and despair—primarily 783 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,880 because this approach will make you less likely to carry on! 784 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:35,600 Rather, 785 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,000 be compassionate with yourself. 786 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:42,120 Recover as quickly as possible by accepting the mistake, 787 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:46,760 then taking immediate action in the right direction again. 788 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:48,160 For example, 789 00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:50,400 you may cheat on your diet and feel awful. 790 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:55,600 But forgive yourself and make your very next decision a good one. 791 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:56,720 Even better, 792 00:39:56,720 --> 00:40:02,240 allow your remorse to be put to good use and ask yourself why you failed and 793 00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:04,520 what you can do to be better next time. 794 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:05,440 Remember, 795 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:11,320 you will always be most effective and a far better learner if you take shame 796 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:12,600 and blame out of the equation. 797 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:18,160 Take Action .- Make a to-do list for today’s tasks, 798 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:22,480 focusing on just three most important items, 799 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,480 and do them all when you’re feeling strongest. 800 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:27,200 Notice how you feel. 801 00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:30,520 Chapter Takeaways - 802 00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,680 •To live a more self-disciplined life, 803 00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,920 we need to understand only two main principles - 1) 804 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:39,920 be aware and 2) 805 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:41,800 take conscious action. 806 00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:48,880 •Self-discipline has a biological and neurological basis—but though it 807 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:49,400 starts there, 808 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,520 it’s not where it ends. 809 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:56,000 Our decisions come down to opposing influences from our more primal and 810 00:40:56,000 --> 00:41:01,240 instinctual hind brain and our higher prefrontal cortex. 811 00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:06,560 The degree to which we have self-control is the degree of connection between 812 00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:07,360 these two parts. 813 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:13,720 •Delayed gratification is the ability to delay the fulfilment of an impulse 814 00:41:13,720 --> 00:41:18,440 for immediate satisfaction in favor of a reward sometime in the future. 815 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,360 It’s an essential part of a self-disciplined life. 816 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,880 By understanding the reasons you tend toward instant gratification, 817 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,480 you can remove them. 818 00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:33,440 •By focusing on the benefits of delayed gratification and greater 819 00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:34,000 self-discipline, 820 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:38,960 you keep your eye on the bigger prize and put momentary pleasures into 821 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:39,600 perspective. 822 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,680 Of all the many benefits, 823 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:47,000 the greatest is the real sense that you are in control of your own life—i.e., 824 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,440 more freedom. 825 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:55,280 •Willpower is like a muscle—it builds with repeated use but can get 826 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:55,800 fatigued, 827 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,640 so it needs to be replenished. 828 00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:03,120 Protect and manage your willpower by doing the most important tasks first, 829 00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:08,160 simplifying life so you have fewer decisions (e.g., 830 00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:09,360 automating or delegating) 831 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,560 and quickly forgiving slip-ups when they happen. 832 00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:17,400 This has been 833 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:38,760 15 Minute Checkpoint Due 29 Aug 2022 GMT-04:00