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Karen Kenney: Hey you guys, welcome to the
Karen Kenney show. I'm super duper excited
to be with you here on this it's a super
sunny day, but it's freezing outside. Oh my

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God, when is it going to end? The good news
is is I think daylight saving time is coming
up this weekend. So we'll get a little more
light. Thank you, baby Jesus, we'll get a

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little more light. The days will be a little
longer with some sunlight, with some
daylight. Oh, my God, I can't wait. So
welcome to the show. It is extra kooky out

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there. So now more than ever. You guys, we
need each other, and I think of this podcast
is a really great anchor and a really great
touchstone for us to kind of get together,

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and at the very least for me to help, maybe
spread a little more love in the world.
Share what's on my heart and mind. Share
some helpful tools. Do a little

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storytelling, a little spiritual mentoring.
So today, today, I don't know, I might just
keep it simple and call this suck a toxic
positivity. Now to be to be clear, I'm not a

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huge fan of the word toxic. I think it gets
thrown around a lot like, oh my god, you're
so toxic. He's so toxic, and they're so
toxic. So I don't really like when things

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become a little too popular in the in the
universal vernacular, but it is what it is.
And it's easy though. It's easy to just say
this, because people will be like, Oh, yeah.

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Or some people might be curious and say,
What is toxic pox positivity. So we're going
to talk about today what it is. I'm going to
give you some examples. I might even tell

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you a little personal story. We'll talk just
a smidge about, like, emotional intelligence
and how that kind of plays into this. We'll
talk about why it's harmful, why it's not

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that great, why it's not helpful, and how
not to inflict that shit on yourself and
others. So Bucha for safety. Hopefully this
is going to be a helpful episode. So first

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of all, I'm a person who, and I'll talk a
little bit more about this, I kind of call
myself an optimistic or an idealistic, real
realist. So I'm really optimistic. I think I

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want to say, by nature, I think as a little
kid, I was wicked optimistic. And then I
think life kind of like beat it out of me a
little bit. And I think there was a little

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phase. There's a little phase where people
who knew me and loved me and had to live
with me, and where my teachers and stuff
might have said I went through a phase where

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I was like, negative, I had a bit of an
attitude problem, and I as as Miss Lefebvre,
as Kayla Feb often would say about me back
in the day, you hated everything. I'd just

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be like, I hate that. That's stupid. I hate
that. Oh, my God. But now, I mean, I do
think that I'm a wicked positive person and
and I try not to dip into toxic positivity.

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I'm not going to say I've never done it. I
can certainly look back on my life and say,
Oh yeah, there might have been times when I
did not have the capacity to do thing

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anything other than just hold on for dear
life and try to be toxically positive. Okay,
but let's, let's start this off with with
kind of defining what it is. And I'm going

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to give you a couple of different ones. I
always like to see what the interwebs or the
dictionary has to say about what it means,
but so here's like three different ones.

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Number one, toxic positivity is the belief
that people should maintain a positive
mindset no matter how dire or difficult a
situation is. That's one definition. Here's

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another. Toxic positivity is the practice of
forcing an optimistic outlook in the face of
negative emotions or experiences. Now this,
this part is important. It can involve

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invalidating or minimizing others feelings.
I would say it could also invalidate or
minimize your own feelings. What is toxic
positivity? It is the pressure to only

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display positive emotions, suppressing any
negative emotions, feelings, reactions or
experiences. It invalidates human experience
and can lead to trauma, isolation and

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unhealthy coping mechanisms. Now I think
between the three of these, they've all done
a fantastic job of kind of laying it out,
and what I find fascinating is the words

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that they chose to use, like in the first
definition, the word should right, that
people should. Should maintain. And the
second definition, the word forcing. And in

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the third definition, it says the pressure,
right? So what all this tells me is, as soon
as we start to should on ourselves or
anybody else, there's judgment, there's

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attack, there's not that's not going to end
well, that is not going to end well, my
friends, oh my god, anytime we're trying to
force anything, anytime we're trying to put

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pressure on anything, it means we're trying
to kind of go against what might feel
intuitive or instinctual or natural, right?
We're trying to force something else. And

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look, I believe that there is power, right?
There's something really wonderful. I do
think that there are benefits to being
optimistic, having a positive outlook. But

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what happens is, is when we go into toxic
positivity, it like denies us our own in a
human experience, it denies others their own
human experience, because it's kind of like

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when people are like, we've called it like
being Polly Anna ish, like, just, oh my god,
everything's okay, right? People who are
falsely positive, like all the time, they

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put on like a facade, or they act like
everything's fine, or they never want to
talk about anything difficult. They always
just want to keep everything surfacey and

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light and like we don't talk about these
things like we're not. You're basically
being told that you need to abandon certain
parts of yourself and leave them outside the

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door, leave them outside this household,
leave them outside this relationship. Leave
them outside this conversation. And while
having, like, having a positive outlook and

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being optimistic and being able to find the
silver lining, like I get it those, I think
those are fantastic to have. But if you
insist that people are always only positive

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it is not really that fantastic for people's
well being and their mental health, because
you're basically asking people to deny that
it's hard sometimes you're asking people to

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pretend to perform right and and act as if
that things aren't sometimes tough or things
aren't sometimes bothering them. You know,
they're not allowed to be the full

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Kaleidoscope experience of themselves, as I
often talk about it, like, I say, the
Skittle rainbow. Like taste the whole
Skittle rainbow of your human experience. We

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all have painful emotions. We all have
things that we are going to go through. We
are all going to have tough experiences and
times in our life when things are not rosy

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and things are not cheery, and things are
getting really real. Like, and I mean, like,
capital, real realistic. Like here in this
world of what we would call in spiritual

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traditions, whether we call it the Maya, the
illusion, or this idea of separation from
self, source and spirit. You know, it can be
really hard sometimes to be human, and I'm

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all for and you guys know, because I'm a fan
of people like David Goggins, and we'll
actually talk about him in a little bit, who
are all about like, let's go pick yourself

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up. You can do it like, I love that, and I
love that, and and it's the and that I kind
of want to talk about, because when we force
people or put pressure on them, or we're

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trying to deny their very real human
experience. It's basically like you're
trying to you're trying to deny them their
their right to feel what they feel, and

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you're trying to kind of force them to only
be a particular way. And it's usually a way
that you feel comfortable with, and we'll
get into that in a minute. So that's what

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positive, toxic positivity is. It can look
like. I'll give you some examples of it in a
moment too. So I'll give you some examples,
and then I'll tell you a little story. So

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here's some examples of it. It takes. It
takes. Obviously, there's a lot of ways that
it shows up. It's a wide variety of forms,
right? You might, you

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might have experienced some of these in your
own life. You can double Amen hands me, if
you have, in fact, I've done podcasts in the
past where I talked about, like, the things

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that people say, right? There's just stupid
shit that people say because they don't know
what else to say, right? We're clumsy, we're
human, right? I always say there's a reason

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why, in the Catholic tradition the Lord's
Prayer, there's that line like, you know,
forgive us our trespasses as we forgive
those who trespass and. And stuff, because

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it's built right in there. Jesus knew, like
they're going to screw it up like, dear God
bless them, they don't know what they do.
There's going to be some screwing up,

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because we're human and we're fallible, and
we we are often hijacked by our own fear and
our own ego and stuff like that. Okay, but
here's some examples, maybe, and I jotted

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these down, right? Okay, something
unexpected happens, something bad happens.
Something is going down in your life. Maybe
you are going through a breakup or lost a

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job, or, like, I don't know, like you didn't
get the job, like, whatever the thing is,
and people will say shit to you, like, oh,
just stay positive. Just you know, look on

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the bright side, right? They're like,
immediately, kind of bypassing any kind of
sympathy. And it's really like, basically
what you're telling the other person is, I

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hear that you're telling me that you're
struggling or you're sad or you're
disappointed or you're upset, but it's like
putting a big but, and that word but kind of

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negates anything that comes before. It's
like, yeah, that's terrible, but just look
on the bright side, and the other person can
end up feeling like they've been shut down,

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like they're not allowed to express this to
you. Let's say that you're experiencing, you
know, a divorce or there's been a death or a
loss, right? There's some grief, there's an

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experience, a trauma, a tragedy, that's
creating some some grief. And people will
say to you, like, well, everything happens
for a reason. And they make these

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statements. I mean, they make these
statements because they're trying to be
comforting. They don't know how to be
comforting, but it's also another way of

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kind of like hopping over somebody else's
pain, like just kind of ignoring it, or
pushing it to the side or into the corner of
the room. And a lot of this speaks to not

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the person who's going through the tough
time, these behaviors and patterns and ways
of speaking to others and stuff like that.
It's really pointing to the person who's

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doing the toxic positivity their own lack.
And we'll talk about that in a moment. Let's
say you're trying to express what I call an
uncomfy feeling. Maybe it's like anger or

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rage, or you're sobbing like you get, you
know, the snots running down, it's getting a
little messy, and when you express your
sadness, you try to express your sadness or

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show your tears, or, you know, be really
vulnerable and open about being
disappointed, or whatever, somebody else
will say something to you. Well, happiness

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is a choice now. Now I know for a fact I
have said this, and there is a part of me
though I'm about to be annoying. I'm about
to be annoying. There is a part of me that

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believes that in some circumstances. Now,
I'm not talking about people who are
clinically depressed and, you know, blah,
blah, blah, I'm not going there hashtag, not

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a therapist, but I'm just saying there are a
lot of times when we do make ourselves
miserable about things, by the way, that we
insist on replaying events in our minds,

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obsessing about things, choosing like,
sometimes we like to sit in the shitty
diaper. But I'm going to put that over to
the side. If you're watching this right now,

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you see me putting this thing over there.
I'm making it that I'm putting that over
there for a moment. Okay? Because if
somebody comes to you and they're really sad

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and they're really upset, and maybe this is
like, the first time that they're saying
this to you, because I understand, people
end up getting compassion fatigue, and they

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start to run out of patience when somebody
just constantly, like bitches and moans and
never takes any action to try to help
themselves. I'm not talking about that. I'm

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talking about when somebody comes to you
with something real and something live and
something fresh and something is happening,
and they're trying to express how they feel,

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and you just try to give them that fucking
toxic positivity thing, like happiness is a
choice, because it basically is telling them
that if, if they have, if they're expressing

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like these negative emotions, that it's
their own fault, that we have this
expectation on people who may, may or may
not have the kinds of tools to do this work,

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because what you're suggesting to them is
they just flip the script, that they find
the silver lining, that they're able. I
always say, like, I always say, like, I can

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flip a script like a motherfucker, right?
Like, I know how to do that. And we can't
just skip over the pot where they're
suffering. We don't just pretend like it's

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not happening. That is not helpful, which is
going to lead me to like and if you can
relate to any of these, just like little
double Amen hands write to me, let me know.

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It's kind of like people cock block your
full range of emotions, like you're only
allowed to be a certain way with grand. Uh,
or with your father or with your siblings or

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with your friends or whatever. They're just
like, Yeah, the whole, the whole of you, is
not allowed here. And if this happens to us
when we're little kids, we end up abandoning

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those more complex because we are complex
creatures. We are complicated creatures. We
do have a lot of feelings. We do have, like,
a biochemical wash of hormones that happens

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in our brain and in our body when we're
feeling certain things, right? Just like, if
you've ever cried like wicked had
afterwards, you have sometimes, like, a

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sense of lightness, right? You had like that
nice chemical wash, like, move through your
body. But what these people are doing when
they're being toxically positive and they're

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like good vibes. Only, don't get me started
on that, but when they're I might get
started on that in a little bit. But what's
happening on that is they're basically

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saying, Nope, those aspects of you, those
pots of you, which are really normal and and
natural, by the way, they're not allowed
here. And we're going to get into why

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they're not allowed here, that that lack,
that lack in others that I was talking about
in a moment. Okay, let me give an example.
So I know a lot of people who do a lot of

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difficult things, right? They can push their
bodies, they can push their minds. They can
like, do like feats of like, wow, that's
like, amazing. Okay, so they can do a lot of

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difficult physical things, but asking them
to do difficult emotional things, not so
much. And part of how they're able to push
through and do very difficult things is they

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just abandon those parts of themselves that
might not be super positive or super like
goal oriented. They just kind of like shove
that part of themselves over there. So in

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internal family systems, work, or ifs work,
or pots work, some of those pots, especially
those younger pots. Of them, the exiles,
they kind of get abandoned, right? It's

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like, sorry, you guys aren't welcome here.
Okay, so there, this has happened to me in
different ways, but I'm going to kind of
bring together, like, I'm going to pull from

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different things to make one story, just so,
you know, but it's a true story. So,

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you know, when you're an entrepreneur,
there, there, when you work for yourself,
when you are self employed, you're you are a
solopreneur, and you're trying to figure

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things out. Sometimes, you know, there are
times when you're making really good money.
And then there might be times when things
get slow, and things can get a little scary,

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and you're like, What am I doing? And I
like, you ask my sweetie, ask Katie, ask my
best friend, ask a few of my entrepreneurial
friends. There have been times when I've

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been like, head in my hands crying, like, Oh
my God. Like, what am I doing? Does anybody
even want what I'm offering? Does the world
even want what I'm offering. And, you know,

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it just, it can be really stressful. And
there have been times when I've been just
like crying my eyes out, okay? There have
been other times when maybe I'm not like

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sobbing or crying or like rubbing my face,
like, Oh my God. But there's something
weighing heavy on my hat or heavy on my
mind, and I'm trying to figure out, like,

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what my next right step is, and what should
I do? And blah, blah, blah. And there have
been times when I've talked to people, and
this is why I think, you know, oh, God

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bless, quote, unquote, coaches. You know,
I'm a coach myself. I'm a life coach myself.
I'm a change worker, right? I get it. I do
this stuff for a living, but there are some

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coaches that kind of force toxic positivity
on you, because they actually don't know how
to help you. They don't know how to help you
shift out of an activated state. They don't

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know how to help you actually do nervous
system regulation. They don't know how to
help you right to feel your feelings, to
process them into then transform and to move

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on to anything. They don't know how to do
the somatic work. They don't know how to do
the subconscious reprogramming. All they
know how to do is to just try to cheer lead

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you. And look, I love to cheer lead people,
but giving people like a ra, ra, ra, sis,
boom. Ba, but you don't actually give them
any tools to help themselves is not very

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helpful. So a lot of times, what people do
is they just go to toxic positivity, and
they basically just disregard what you're
feeling. Here's an example. I remember

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talking to a friend one time about one of
those times when I was struggling with my
business and I was trying to figure out what
my next move was and what I wanted to do,

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and if I was going to keep doing this or
stop doing that, or go do this, or whatever.
But I was really struggling, and I was
nervous about money, and I had some fear,

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and I was like, trying to, like, hash it
out, you know? And they were asking me,
like, how are you doing? And I was trying to
explain to them, and I don't really like to

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give too much air time to when I'm, like,
stressing out and stuff like that or
struggling. It's not that, it's not welcome,
but I just don't like to spread it around

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too much. You know what I mean? I don't like
to, obviously, I don't like to inflict my
stuff on other people, but this was somebody
I'd known for a really long time, and I

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thought, all right, I'm gonna just be
vulnerable, and I'm gonna share with them
how I'm feeling. And I just started trying
to explain to them, like what was going on,

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like kind of what I was thinking, what I was
feeling. Where I was struggling, and when I
tell you that I was immediately met with
like a wall of toxic positivity, so there

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was no I'm so sorry that you're going
through this. That must be really hard. I
can see why this is a big decision for you.
I'm so sorry that that you're struggling in

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this way. There was no Tell me more. Know
what? There certainly wasn't. There was no
How can I help? What can I do? Do you just
want me to listen? Or do you want some you

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know, do you want support, or do you want
maybe some solutions? Like, none of that was
offered. It was just, you'll figure it out.
I don't worry about you. You got your

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together. You're tough, you're smart, you'll
figure it out. You got this. You got this.
At that time, the last thing I felt like. I
call it standing in the hallway. We all have

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these times in our life when I say we're in
a hallway, it's a long, skinny hallway. It's
docket. Think about, like, severance. Any
severance fans out there? Oh my god. I'm

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obsessed with this show. If you're not
watching severance, I don't even know. All I
can say is stat watching it. It is so good.
Love this show. It's probably one of the

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best things I have ever seen on TV in my
entire life. And I stand by that, okay, but
if you're there's an elevator, there's this
hallway that leads to this elevator. In this

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whole hallway, all it is is just like Doc in
black. But a lot of times I describe the
hallway that I can emotionally get in and
mentally get in is that it's like a long

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hallway. There's a bunch of doors, but
everything's painted the same color. There's
no numbers on the door. There's no signs on
the door. I don't know where to go or what

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to do. I don't know which one to open. I
don't know if I should sit down and cry or
stand up and just start opening doors and
wasting time, like when I'm in the hallway,

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quote, unquote, in the hallway. I might have
even done a podcast on this called being in
the hallway, but when I'm in the hallway,
it's like, I just feel totally like lost.

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When I'm in the hallway, that is when I
should probably just like, float. Have you
ever been? Have you ever been when you were
like a kid learning to swim, and you'd start

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to panic, and you'd be trying to dog paddle,
and your instructor would just be like, just
go on your back and float. But we didn't
believe that we were buoyant enough. We

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didn't believe that we could do it. We were
so afraid of sinking and drowning, right? So
sometimes, when we're in the hallway, we
should float, but a lot of times when we're

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in the hallway, we're seeking answers. We
want somebody to help us. We want somebody
to guide us, and this is when having a DSP
is really helpful, a daily spiritual

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practice going within yourself and looking
for the different guides we all have. Maybe
I'll do a note to self. I'm going to write
this down note to self, three inner guides.

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Okay, I want to talk about that later, but
it's a great time to kind of go within and
listen for the internal instructions, the
internal teacher, the divine intelligence.

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But sometimes we just want somebody outside
of ourselves, who we consider a friend or a
sweetie or a loved one or something,
somebody a coach, somebody who we quote in

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that moment feel like could give us some
external direction, and sometimes people are
just not available to you. They skip over
your pain, they skip over your confusion,

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they skip over your suffering, and they go
right into that positivity bullshit when
it's not helpful. Okay, so I wrote a note to
myself, and I said, a lot of times this

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happens because they do not have their own
emotional intelligence, and they also don't
have a willingness to be uncomfortable. They
don't know how to sit with you. I said, in

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some cases, people don't know what else to
say. They actually don't know how to be
empathetic. And I think one of our greatest
gifts as human beings that we can give to

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one another is to learn how to put ourselves
in other people's shoes. Now here's the
reality. I won't ever know what it's like in
this lifetime to to be male, to be to be

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gay, to be black, to be trans, to be like,
to be wicked, rich, right? There's a lot of
things. To be a professional athlete, to be
a mom, like of human children. I'm not going

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to know those things specifically and
exactly, but I'm human enough, and I
understand that that emotions are universal,
that I can do my best to try and put myself

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in somebody else's shoes, and to be able to
reflect back to them like, Yeah, that must
be really hard, even if it's not actually
had for you, put yourself in their shoes,

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where they're at with the tools they have
what's available to them. And can you
empathize? Can. You be empathetic to their
plight, to their position, right to the

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situation that they currently find
themselves in. Can you meet them there? I
also said, if somebody doesn't know how to
be with their own feelings, meaning, a lot

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of times, people will start to feel a
particular way, and they shut it down.
They're like, nope, not doing that, they
have shame about how they feel. They feel

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guilty for not feeling more grateful, or
whatever it is for not being happy and
positive, right? And they just shut it down.
And if people don't know how to sit with

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their own feelings, if they don't know how
to be with their own feelings, or even if
they're not willing to feel their stuff,
then it's highly unlikely that they're going

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to be able to hold that kind of space for
you, that compassionate space that kind of
allows the wholeness of you, right? Meaning,
like, I don't want to say the wholeness,

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because I mean that in a different way, the
fullness of your spectrum, right? Like the
full spectrum of rainbow Skittle emotions,
because if they can't even hold space for

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their own feelings, they certainly cannot do
it for you. And a lot of times that's a them
problem. However, because you're the one
that is feeling a lack in that moment,

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you're feeling insecure or unsure, or you
don't know what your next step is, and
you're confused, and you're looking for
advice, and you've kind of done this power

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dynamic where now you've shifted the wisdom
and the knowledge and the solution and the
source of the ending of your suffering onto
them, and they just say to you, Be positive,

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be happy. You'll figure it out. Like
whatever you you end up feeling like it's a
you problem

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when somebody else does not extend, right?
Some support. And it doesn't have to be that
we fix people's problems for them, but if
we're not willing to sit with them, and it

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doesn't mean that you don't hold a vision in
your mind, right? And let me say it like
this. So as a spiritual mentor, when
somebody is suffering, when somebody is

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bumping up against something, and I don't
And when somebody is going through
something, one of the best things that I can
do for them is, in my mind, hold them as I

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believe they really are, hold them at their
highest potential, in who they really I as
one of God's kids, as the light of the world
is part of the universe as an intelligent,

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right, intuitive being, right? So I hold
them in my mind as happy, healthy, healed,
whole and holy. I try to see them there,
because the best that you can see somebody

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in your own mind. So this is very A Course
in Miracles principle. I've heard other
people like John overdurf say this as well,
via Melissa Tia's right? Is that the best

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that you can see somebody or perceive
somebody in your mind is the best that they
can actually be in your presence. So you try
to hold them in your mind in that way. But

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it doesn't mean that you don't get on the
floor and you don't get down in the dirt
with them, and it doesn't mean that you
energetically, quote, unquote,

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energetically, or mentally or whatever,
right? Because when somebody is drowning,
you drowning with them is not helpful. You
want to stay buoyant enough that you can

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pull them up, that you can try to help them,
right? But you've gotta also be able to be
empathetic enough and sympathetic enough
that you can say to them, I can understand

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how hard this must be, and even though I
can't know exactly what it feels like to be
you know that I'm here for you. I'm here
with you. You're not alone, right? You don't

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have to walk through this alone, because
there's a difference between optimism and
holding a positive vision and just being
totally toxic. Being optimistic is like

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there's a solution to this, and I don't know
what it is, but we'll figure it out
together. Or I'm here, if you need to talk,
you don't have to go through this alone,

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right? I believe that there will be an
outcome to this. We might not understand
what it is right now, whatever, there's a
difference between having, like, leaning

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towards happiness and optimism and positive
outcomes, versus just forcing it on somebody
way too soon, because that's when it becomes
harmful. Let's talk about that. Okay, so why

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is it? Why is toxic positivity not so
soothing to be on the receiving end of
whether we're inflicting it on ourselves or
others, because it can harm people. It's

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harmful because it can be harmful. It's
harming to people when they're going through
something really difficult or something
really stressful, when somebody is trying to

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share in a vulnerable moment a genuine a
genuine human emotion, when they're looking
for support, and they are basically like,
sorry. They're spiritually bypass, or

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they're dismissed, or they get ignored, or
they get told outright that this isn't true.
That's not how it is. Don't worry about it
when they when they end up walking away

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feeling invalidated. Here's the thing that
happens you. Especially if you are a person
who is not good at asking for help. If you
are somebody who has learned to be through

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your own because of your own experiences as
a child or whatever, are coming up to be
hyper, hyper independent, right? Right? Like
you are wicked, independent. I don't need

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help. I don't need I don't I can do it all
myself. I'll figure it out. Right? Hello, I
was one of those kids, right? So when you're
somebody who's like that, and then you

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basically start to feel enough nervous
system safety where you're like, okay, this
person is my friend. This person says they
love me. I'm going to risk this and be

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vulnerable and ask for some help and share
how I'm really feeling, and they take a big
old toxic positivity dump on you. That
person might never ask for help again,

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because if they start to feel shamed right
from the outside. If they start to feel
ashamed, or they start to feel ashamed like
internally, there is a really good chance

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that that they will not they won't tell
another person again, because they'll going
to be taught in that, that that in that
moment, that what they're feeling is not

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allowed. Sometimes, when you feel like it's
just not attractive, like, why are you being
so dramatic? Oh, my God, you're too much.
Like you are too much it's gonna be. They're

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basically being told who you are and what
you feel is unacceptable. They need to know
humans just basically need to know that what
they're feeling, that their emotions are

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valid, and that when they come to you,
whether you are a friend, whether you are a
family member, whether you're a sweetie,
somebody you're dating, whether it's your

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support group, your AA meeting, your the
NASS, right, when you're in that kind of a
group, a community, they're looking for some
sort of support, community, connection,

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relief. They're wanting to feel loved, just
as they are, even with their big, messy,
confusing emotions. And if we just try to
pour that pink paint all over them, as they

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often say, just pour Oh, it's all gonna be
okay. There's nothing wrong here, like,
Don't look behind the curtain, right? It can
create it's shaming. It's shaming. It's not,

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it's not, it's not soothing at all. It also
makes people form what I would call survival
mechanisms, what other people will call
avoidance mechanisms, meaning that they'll

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basically learn that those emotions aren't
allowed, and that when I am in my full self
expressing these things, it makes other
people uncomfortable. So instead of talking

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about them, I'm just going to do what I the
term I have coined. I wrote, it's in my
memoir, actually. And I called this survival
strategy, sucking it up and stuffing it

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down. And that's what they'll start to do.
They'll start to realize that they're going
to turn they're going to turn those things
in on themselves. And this is how a lot of

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us end up, right with this is what they say
that women more, I don't, I don't know the
exact number, so I don't even want to use
it, but just say women, just say women way

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more than men, because we believe we're
supposed to be able to do it all and figure
it all out and multitask and do all the shit
for everybody else all the time, right? When

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we find that we're not actually capable of
that, and we feel guilt and shame for not
having it all together all the time and
knowing everything right? Not you know it's

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like learning that it's okay to not be okay,
right? But we think we, quote, unquote,
should be able to do it all. And if we find
out we don't, it's why women, more than men,

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at a shocking rate, have more autoimmune
disorders. And learning to say no, PS is a
little PSA on the side, learning to say no
and really letting your no be a no and

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letting your yes be a yes, is healing in and
of itself. Self love is healing in and of
itself. So because if we learn that these
feelings are not welcome out there with

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people who, quote, unquote, supposedly love
us, then what will happen is we'll start to
deny them within ourselves. We'll deny them.
I love D word. I love alliteration. If you

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haven't noticed, we'll deny them. We'll
discount them. We'll what's the other word?
Pretend that they're not happening. Put on a
fake Happy, happy face all the time. And you

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might know a person like this, I often talk
about the kind of people who are, quote,
unquote, always performing, that they're
happy, that underneath that, there is a rage

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that you cannot imagine, when people mired
themselves and they just do. Everything for
everybody all the time. They just act like
everything's fine underneath that. When I

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tell you there is a rage, there is a rage
that is not allowed to be expressed, so they
just dismiss it. They just, they just suck
it up and stuff it down in themselves.

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Because they're taught that. We're taught
that as little kids, right? When you were
the easy one, when you were the one that
nobody had to worry about. And I've said

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this before. I've had people say to me like,
You're tough. You'll get through this. You,
I don't worry about you. You got the tools.
You got the you. I don't worry about you.

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And I'll sometimes be like, You should worry
about me a little bit. Check on your strong
friends. Check on your tough friends. Check
on your friends that look like to the

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outside world, that they make it look so
easy, and they got it all figured out. Okay?
Check on them once in a while. Worry about
us a little tiny bit. Check in with us once

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in a while. Okay. The other thing that why
toxic positivity can be harmful to people is
that it doesn't allow people to actually
know that they can have difficult feelings

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and come out on the other side of them.
There's no room for emotional intelligence
growth. There's no room for people to learn
that they can survive difficult times

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when we just try to skip over the hard
paths. That's not loving when we just try to
skip over and spiritually bypass I see it
right now in the spiritual community. Right

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what's going on with Trump and mosque and
the government and all the bullshit and all
the horror and all the thing? It's like a
daily assault on people's nervous system.

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And there are people who say, like, I think
it's fascinating. I think it's fascinating.
You know, I think Americans in general,
there's certain things they don't like to

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talk about. They don't like to talk about
money, right? That meaning, like, they don't
like to tell you, like, about their
finances. So, money, food, sex, religion,

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politics is these things they like. If you
ever grew up in a family, it's like, oh, we
don't talk about that. We don't talk about
that. I'm like, this is a shit that we

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really should be talking about. And there
are a lot of people who think that politics
is not spiritual. It's not spiritual to talk
about politics. I'm like, Look, politics is

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in everything who you get to marry, right?
What the air you breathe that's political,
the water, the environment, the food that's
available, political, political, political,

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right? It's, it's politics. Is life. Now I
understand. I'm not going to go down a huge
rabbit hole. I understand separation of
church and state that makes sense, but to

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the people who the people who have spiritual
practices, the people who are doing critical
thinking, the people who are paying
attention and becoming more aware and want

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to be part of the solution, The helpers, the
spiritual people, the quote, unquote miracle
workers. And I'm not saying like the people
who learn to shift their mind out of fear to

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love, right? These are the people you want
involved in politics. So to just bypass it
and say, Man, we don't talk about that. It's
not very spiritually evolved. I'm sorry.

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It's just the truth. Here's the other thing
you see online a lot where people are like,
Oh my god. Everybody's just posting negative
stuff on Facebook. Everybody's just put it's

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not negative, it's what's going down. And
they are reflecting on it. They are talking
about it. They are reporting. They are
basically saying, Hey, you might want to

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fact check this. I think it's so fascinating
that people nowadays equate human reactions,
humans emotions, human experiences. Talking
about politics is negative. Oh, there's so

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much negativity out there. Well, if you
don't think it's negative, that you can't
handle emotions and you can't process them,
so you just try to pretend like we're just

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gonna rah, rah, rah. Sis, boom. Ba, which is
a great time to talk about like Goggins. So
those of you who know that I love David
Goggins, if you don't know who David Goggins

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is, you can look him up. He has a really
interesting he, first of all, he's a really
interesting guy, uh, former former Navy
SEAL, like 1000 other things really well

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known for doing, like, really unbelievable
things with this body, ultra marathons,
ultra distances. The guy, like, hops out of
planes to put out fires. He's, like, been

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like, you know, the the the forest, firemen,
people, it's been an EMT. He's like, he's
like, I call him one of the kick ass, one of
the ass kickers on my spiritual team. He's

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the one who's like, who's going to carry the
boats, right? So Goggins really doesn't
allow for a lot of weakness within himself.
Mm. And I think a lot of people paint a

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picture of him in a particular way, which is
Goggins. Would say, Go Goggins would say, do
the thing, God. I mean, this is a guy who
runs when all of his toenails have fallen

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off his body, and he's shitting down his own
legs and he's bleeding, right? I mean, he's
hardcore tough and and if you follow Him
enough and you really look at what he's

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saying, He's not telling other people to put
themselves in harm's way all the time. The
reason why he is the way that he is is
because he's battling himself. But he'll

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also talk about those vulnerable moments
when he says, I get up in the morning and I
sit there for a half an hour staring at my
sneakers, like I just stare at those shoes,

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and I'm like, I do not want to put those on
right. And then he gets up and he does it,
but he allows enough of his own humanity to
be seen that he's not just a robot. You

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understand that the way that he is now is
because he is responding to, some might say,
reacting to, but both maybe about who and
how he used to be, and he's like, I need to

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stay on top of myself so I don't slip.
Because I know if I give that mother an inch
that old, me an inch, we are going
backwards, and it's not going to end well,

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right? But I don't see him as a positive
vibes only any but when I see people wearing
those shirts that say positive vibes only,
or I see a bump a stick inside of me, I just

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think to myself, run, run as fast as you can
in the other direction, because that is for
people who do not know how to sit with other
people's full spectrum of who they really

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are. When you say good vibes only, no, I'm
sorry. I'm not going to say that when the
world's on fire and people are being denied
the right to marry who they love, and

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they're pulling, you know, teaching about
slavery and the truth of who we have been as
white people in America when they're like,
we're not teaching that anymore. We're not

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going to teach it because it's stressful for
the kids. No, if we do not do this, we are
going to end up in a shitload of trouble if
you just want to walk around being like good

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vibes, only white people only. We're in big
fucking trouble. Oh my God. Now I'm not
saying I should make right now. I'm going to
make the correction so people don't come

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from me. I don't need the internet people
coming for me. I'm not saying that positive
vibes only is just a white people thing, and
white people are bad. And I'm not saying all

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that. I'm just saying you tend to see that
stuff in the new age or the wellness or the
spiritual I'm doing all these air quotes
communities right? So when people are when

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people are dealing with things like an
illness or a diagnosis or a disappointment
or a job loss or they're having money
trouble or whatever, that is, not the time

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when they need to be told, hey, just pick
yourself up by the Bootstrap. Oh yeah, good
vibes only No, because that's mean. That's
mean. That is borderline cruel. It is not

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00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:26,480
helpful. That's you inflicting your
inability to sit with your own stuff, right?
I remember one time. I remember one time
being at the funeral of one of my uncles.

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And this was this, this uncle. I think he
was my godfather, but this uncle was no
longer married to my auntie. They had been
not together for a lot of years. My

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grandmother did not allow for any sort of
weakness. This has kind of been a theme in
my life with different people in my life,
which is really common, though, for blue

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collar kids growing up in a mill, Mill City,
right, growing up in Lawrence, mass, for
mass, whole kids. None of this is
unfamiliar, but my grandmother was tough,

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and she so we're I'll never forget we're
standing graveside. We're standing
graveside, and it's like my two cousins
whose dad had died, my my aunt, my

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grandmother's next to her. I'm right behind
them. Then it's my sister and like whoever
else right and my aunt, who used to be
married to this man, is sobbing. She's

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crying. And she's crying, of course, because
this is somebody she used to love and be
married to. I mean, she's been remarried for
a gazillion years, but that's not the point.

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And she's also crying for her sons, who are
upset, who are losing their father. I'll
never forget my grandmother leaning over
grabbing, like grabbing. I'm making a little

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claw with my hand, and I'm making my mouth
very tight. She grabbed, I'm gritting my
teeth. She grabbed my aunt by the arm, and
she said, you stop that crying, right now.

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You need to be strong for those boys. You
stop it. And I thought, oh, for fuck sake.
This explains so much. This explains so much
about my family and. It right, not allowed

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your feelings, not okay, not allowed. And in
some cases, that kind of behavior is not
only not soothing, not helpful, it's not
only causes more harm, as we were talking

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about, that shit can be downright abusive
when you try to there's this video, there's
this video, oh my god, that I saw online one
time. And I know it's meant to be funny, and

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I know in one light, you could kind of
chuckle at it, and it's like,

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but when you really break down, kind of what
seems to be happening. There's this little
girl in this video, and I don't know if she
was told no or whatever the thing is, but

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like, she's crying, and she's like, really
crying, and she's feeling her feelings. But
then something happens. I don't know if the
parent says something, but as she's crying,

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she's like, No, I'm really happy, like that.
I'm really happy. And everybody thinks it's
really funny, and I'm thinking, oh my god,
oh my God. Now look, I'm not judging that

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parent. I don't really know what was going
on, but my hat just kind of got, like,
squeezed. It was like, oh. Because even
though this, like, or you see things where

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parents are trying to, like, talk their kids
out of what they're actually feeling, it's
like, here's the thing, an emotion, you
know, the science says, the science says

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that emotion only takes about 90 seconds.
And let's be generous and say two minutes,
right? Takes about two minutes, 90 seconds
to two minutes to literally chemically wash

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through you. Okay? But if this, and I'm just
like, Okay, let it wash through you. Now I
can. I can only speak for myself. A lot of
the reasons why when I cry, if I'm crying

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about something I'm really upset about,
because when I get angry, I cry. Obviously,
when I'm sad I cry, and also when I'm happy,
I cry. But let's say I'm crying for

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something that's not soothing, right?
There's a reason. Now, a lot of times, if I
cry and just let myself really go full out
for like a minute or two, right? Just really

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cry. I'll eventually go like, and I'll take
a big breath and I'll I'll breathe it out
twice as long, and my nervous system will
start to calm down and regulate. I usually

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will start crying again when I start rep,
picturing in my mind the thing that upset
me, or rehearing in my mind, I'm basically
re triggering myself. Now, to be clear,

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there's caveats to this, right, of course,
of course. If somebody just died, there's
awful news. Grief is going to take as long
as it takes. I'm not saying we should rush

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this process and time ourselves and be like,
Oh, it's been 90 seconds. Get over it.
However, just realize that a lot of times,
the reason why right in these situational

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things, in these little situational things,
reason why we keep crying is, I jokingly say
I keep triggering myself. Okay, but let's
say somebody is starting to cry and you

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immediately, like my grandmother, grab an
arm or tell them no or you're not available.
You are not open for business if you if they
do not feel safe, because you try to toxic

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positivity them right out of the room, if
you just spiritually bypass right over there
suffering. It's not helpful you guys. And it
sometimes can be, like, sometimes it's done

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in a really aggro way, like it's really
aggressive, but sometimes it's really subtle
and very passive aggressive, like, they're
basically just hot potatoing it right back

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to you. They're just like, yeah, no, I can't
do this. I can't do this. I'm not helping
you. So they just brush things off. They
just brush things off rather than facing

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00:48:44,140 --> 00:48:52,060
them. We do this to ourselves too, right? We
do this to ourselves. Sometimes it is a
learned behavior where we learn to just suck
it up and stuff it down. We brush off how

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we're feeling rather than facing how we're
feeling rather than dealing with it. We also
learn to hide our true feelings because
we've learned that they're not welcome. So

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you see a lot of this online, right,
especially on Instagram, where there's a lot
of, like, pictures and memes about things,
where it's just like, oh yeah, good vibes

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only, or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, it's
like, oh my god. So what we don't want to do
is we don't want to minimize our own
feelings or other people's feelings. If you

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start to get uncomfortable with other
people's emotions, right? I'm not saying not
everybody hashtag, not a therapist, right?
Not everybody is trained, or anything like

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that, to do that. And there might be times
when you'll be like, I am so sorry. Like,
I'm not equipped to do this. I don't know
how to handle this. You know, whatever you

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know. Sometimes it is better for somebody to
maybe talk to a therapist about particular
things or whatever, but usually, oftentimes,
people just want to be heard and they want

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to be seen, and they want to know that their
feelings are valid and their feelings
matter, and we don't want to shame people
and force a positive attitude on them,

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because it's timing right time. Is so
important, and if somebody does that to you,
if you're like on the receiving end of that
kind of toxic positivity, I hope that you

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can start to recognize it for what it is.
You know, I'm a fan of stoic philosophy, but
being a stoic doesn't mean that you don't
feel anything. In fact, people be used to it

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philosophy, because they do feel so bigly,
as I would like to, they're bigly feelings.
And when we're in our bigly feelings, having
some tools to help us regulate our nervous

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system, to help us get back in our right
mind can be really powerful. But we also
don't want to be spouting things off to
people like in the moment when they first

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come to us and they're sad, or they're
trying to figure something out, and they
come to us for help, all right? It can be
used as a coping mechanism. And look, I try

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not to do extremes. There are times when you
are going to have to suck it up and stuff it
down for that time, right? There have been
times when I've been on, you know, a way to

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00:51:06,060 --> 00:51:13,860
teach something, or speak somewhere, or do
something, and I get some news and I just
have to, like, voom and just like, pull it
together. There have been times when I've

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gotten bad news and I've gone to a yoga
class and I come in the door and I just
start crying. I allow myself to be human and
to be vulnerable and stuff like that. But

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there are just times when it's like, those
people are not paying for your tias, right?
They are paying for you to show up and do
your thing and do what you do. So sometimes

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it's okay to, like, maybe delay for a tiny
bit of time, right? Like, okay, I just gotta
get through this talk, or I gotta get
through this phone call, this zoom call, or

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whatever the thing is, and then I'm going to
allow myself to feel my feelings, but we do
not want to inflict it on others. You know,
there's that saying, right? Remember, it's

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okay to not be okay. It's okay to feel our
feelings. And one of the other things too,
is learning how to manage our emotions. And
this is like, you know, in part of the work.

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It's part of the work that I do as a
spiritual mentor, is helping people with
different tools to learn how to self
regulate, but not bypassing. We don't skip

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over the hard paths, right? We talk about it
first, and then when we feel like, okay, I
don't want to feel this way anymore. I have
now created a habit or a pattern of being

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this way, and I'm ready, like, it's their
decision, not because they've been shamed,
not because whatever, it's because they're
like, Yeah, I've spent enough time here,

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like I'm ready now to maybe try something
different, right? To first go into the
intelligence of what you're feeling, because
there's a lot of wisdom. There can be a lot

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of wisdom in the body I'm tapping my chest.
It can be a lot of wisdom in your gut and in
your hat, and in your brain, the body,
right, holds it has its own intelligence,

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and we often will cut off a lot of access to
that intelligence because we've deemed it
right. We've deemed it not whatever. And you
can just see it. I mean, you can just see it

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acting out on a larger world stage. And I
always think it's a hysterical PS, that men
say that women are too emotional to lead,
because if you've been paying attention,

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you're seeing some leaders who are losing
their shit, and men, whatever, whatever,
it's all a racket. It's all a racket. Okay?
And we're back. Sorry. I just had to say

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00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:27,320
that, and we're back. So here are the things
that we want to learn to do, get become a
better listener. Focus on learning how to
listen to others if they come to you, learn

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00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:39,200
how to listen for yourself. Listen to what's
going on inside of you. Let's not just
should ourselves. Let's not pressure
ourselves going right back to where we

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started, right all those words, what did I
say? There was a should? There was a putting
press. There was forcing. We don't want to
do that. Okay. If you're somebody who

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doesn't have a human like a person that you
can talk to, you can always do a DSP. If
you're somebody who believes in God or a
higher power or the universe, or a spiritual

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team, or your angels or your ancestors, you
can talk. You can just talk. This is what I
think prayer is. I say this all the time.
For me, prayer is just you having a personal

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conversation with the divine, with source,
with your Creator, whatever you might happen
to call it the God of your own
understanding, right? And for some of you,

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that might be Mother Nature, right? It might
be the trees, it might be the ocean, it
might be the birds, like Saint Francis would
go out and like, talk to the animals, right?

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For sure, I talked to the I talked to the
critters outside all the time. But prayers,
to me, is just a way of being your fullest
self, your most honest and authentic self,

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and sometime My prayers are man like, what
the is going on, like, Please help me.
Please help me to see myself, this
situation, this person differently, you

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00:54:46,060 --> 00:54:49,240
know. Send help. Yes and help, you know.

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But also, if you don't have a person that
you can talk to, you can write it down. You
can journal. That's another way to express
your emotions. If you're not able to have a

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human being that has the. Capacity to
listen, right? There is a wise advocate.
There is an inner teacher that lives inside
of you. There is, there are, I like to

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think, kind of like angels all around you, a
spiritual team that is listening. And so
write your feelings down, put them into
words, and just really give yourself

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permission to, first of all, feel what
you're feeling, because your feelings are
real and they do matter, and they are
important and they are valid, even if

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00:55:23,780 --> 00:55:33,620
somebody else has made you feel the opposite
of that, or somebody else has said things to
you to make you think the opposite of that,
but your emotions hold a lot of information

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00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:40,840
and a lot of intelligence and a lot of
wisdom, if we pay attention to them, the
other thing so, but we got to stop before we
know what we're feeling. We gotta notice how

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we feel. So we gotta slow down a little bit,
take some deep breaths, just learn to be
with what is happening, and learning to kind
of deeply listen to what's going on. And

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then one of the things that I have always
found helpful, and my friend David Kessler,
who is a grief expert, he's one of the
leading grief experts in I don't know the

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00:56:03,780 --> 00:56:10,620
country, the world, I don't know whatever.
He's written a bunch of books. Used to do
some work with Elizabeth Kubler Ross,
written some books with her, but he has a

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00:56:10,620 --> 00:56:21,080
book called finding meaning, all about
grief. And it's like the sixth stage of
grief is finding meaning. And so when we
look for meaning in what's going on, what

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we're going through, what's happening when
we don't just assume like, oh my god, the
world is happening to me and this is shit,
and it's all bad, when we can look for

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meaning. I call it sometimes like getting
under the under, we try to search for the
meaning behind difficult situations. And I
wrote this note to myself. I once heard it

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called tragic optimism, right where, which
is like the opposite of toxic positivity.
It's like tragic optimism. It's like really
searching for the meaning. I often call it,

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like the lesson or the blessing or what. And
I will say this, it's not always immediately
apparent, but I can look back on some times
in my life when things were really

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challenging and really had and the takeaways
later on is like, Oh, I think I know what
that was about. Or this is the meaning that
I'm choosing to assign to this. And here's

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the other thing, too, be kind to yourself
and others, because we've all probably, we
have all probably inflicted toxic positivity
on ourselves or others at some point in our

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life. And if we can start to notice it, if
we find ourselves starting to do it, just
stop yourself and then just get better at
listening. Really. Just listen without

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00:57:33,620 --> 00:57:44,920
waiting just to your turn to talk like
really, listen as if you care. Imagine that
you know, don't pretend like try to show up
and listen like you would want to be

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listened to, right? And listen with love,
listen with compassion, with open ears, open
hearts, open minds. You know what I mean?
Okay, um, I shared something on, I shared

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00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:08,700
something with on social media the other
day. I'm just going to read it to you,
really. Read it to you really quick, and if
you if you need any more before I read that

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00:58:08,700 --> 00:58:16,980
if you need any more examples, because I was
just saying, like, Hey, be on the lookout
for your own toxic positivity. It's like,
what might that look like? And I mentioned a

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few, right? Like, happiness is a choice.
Things happen for a reason, good vibes only.
You've probably heard somebody say something
like, well, it could be worse, or just, just

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00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:38,240
stay positive. Those are toxic statements,
right? Not in and of themselves, but when
somebody is suffering. But here's some other
things you could say, Okay, I'm listening.

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I'm here. You're not alone. You know, I know
this. This seems really bad. How can I help
sometimes, you know, failure, you know
happens. It's a part of life, and we'll

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00:58:51,160 --> 00:59:00,040
figure it out together. I'm here for you no
matter what, whatever. That's the opposite.
That's the opposite of of toxic positivity,
right? These are things that are actually

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helpful, okay? And if you, if you find that
somebody is doing that to you, you know, you
can speak up and you can say, hey, what I
don't need right now is to be, you know,

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00:59:12,420 --> 00:59:22,940
blasted with like solutions, or, you know,
these, you know, affirmations of like, oh,
it's all gonna be okay, goodbye. I don't
need that. That's not helpful to me. Okay?

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And this is what I wrote the other day. That
kind of was the inspiration for this whole
I'll read it fast, but this is the
inspiration for this whole podcast. This is

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00:59:35,300 --> 00:59:46,000
what I wrote on on the other day. I said I
lean had in the direction of happy. I'm a
glass half full and annoyingly positive kind
of person. I can shift my perspective and

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00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:55,600
slip and and flip a script like a
motherfucker. So when I speak up about stuff
that's happening in the world, or I do a
podcast highlighting some bullshit, or I

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00:59:55,600 --> 01:00:05,280
make a post about my feelings about
something political, that's not me being.
Quote, unquote negative. That's me allowing
myself to be fully human. That's me

340
01:00:05,280 --> 01:00:17,880
connecting with my shared humanity. Beware
the people that want you to be positive and
good vibes only all the time. That's not
real, and it's not realistic because we

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01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:30,560
don't want to just skip over or downplay or
ignore the painful. Had dark, tough, tragic
or traumatic things that go down in this
human experience, because there's nothing

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01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:44,020
enlightened about spiritually bypassing
awful stuff. I'm not saying we should fixate
on it, hyper focus on it, or build altars to
worship our suffering. I'm not suggesting

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01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:55,780
either that we throw a public tantrum or
have a conniption fit or get ourselves in a
tizzy, either. And I'm also no longer
interested in doing what so many of us mass

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01:00:55,780 --> 01:01:07,440
whole kids were taught to do as children.
I've coined that survival strategy as,
quote, sucking it up and stuffing it down.
End, quote, those days are over. My friends,

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01:01:08,100 --> 01:01:17,760
people who are uncomfortable with feeling
the full Skittle rainbow of their own
inherent emotions will often label people
who do communicate their broad range of

346
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:30,680
emotions as, quote, unquote, not being
positive, they either don't know how to or
haven't learned that. We can feel things
deeply, talk about them and still kick ass.

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01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:43,180
We can cry for a bit and then bounce back
like a champ. My sensitivity is one of my
superpowers. It's what inspires me to take
action about things that matter to me and to

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01:01:43,180 --> 01:01:57,220
speak up about injustices I may see. Caring
about people, animals, the environment and
what's happening in other countries doesn't
make you weak, it makes you human, and there

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01:01:57,220 --> 01:02:11,040
is so much strength in your vulnerability.
So these days, I let myself feel all of my
feelings, even the ones that the positivity
bros might try to shame us about, and then I

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01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:17,220
use the tools that I have to help myself get
back to the business of love.

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And that's the gig, people. That's the
assignment, right? The assignment is
alignment. The assignment is aligning with
love. And so we gotta be asking myself, is

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01:02:28,580 --> 01:02:37,340
what I'm saying to this other person loving?
Is it compassionate? Is it helpful, or is it
me coming from a fear space of I don't
really know how to fix this or help this, so

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01:02:37,340 --> 01:02:50,860
I'm just going to blast them with positivity
at a time when that might not be the most
helpful thing to do. And you know, right
now, the world needs more love than ever. I

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01:02:50,860 --> 01:02:59,140
shouldn't even say than ever. There have
been really scary times in the history of
the world, but right now, what we all really
need is a little more compassion and a

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01:02:59,140 --> 01:03:08,880
little more kindness. But we also right,
need to be real about what's happening and
what we're feeling. And there's a lot of
people out there who are not feeling so

356
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:17,760
great about what's going on, whether it's in
their personal life or their professional
life, or what's happening in the world, and
if they happen to bring it up, because

357
01:03:17,820 --> 01:03:26,060
here's the thing, what a lot of people
forget, they think, oh, people are just
talking about something to whine or to
complain or to bitch and to moan and to

358
01:03:26,060 --> 01:03:38,060
groan and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but
no, that is oftentimes the first step in
change, in transformation, in taking action.
I always say, let me feel my feelings first.

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Let me process them for a bit, because I'm
going to get back to kicking ass in the
afternoon, right? But, like, give me a few
beats. Give me a few moments to process what

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01:03:46,900 --> 01:03:57,580
I'm feeling. So I don't just stuff it
somewhere in my body and make myself sick or
make myself feeling crazy. You know, it's
like no part of expressing yourself and

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feeling your feelings in a healthy way.
That's part of the healing process. That's
what allows us to be stronger and wiser and
have more wisdom and have more like a more

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meaningful life. Is we didn't just walk
around with a mask on, pretending like
everything's fine, like some freaking
Stepford wife robot weirdo thing. You know

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what? I mean? It's like, No, you know. And
again, I'm not saying we just sit around in
this shitty diaper, whining and complaining,
because that's not helpful either. But

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there's a balance to this. And I just want
you to know like all paths of you are
welcome, and I hope you find places and
people in communities where the fullness,

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01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:49,060
the full rainbow, skill emotion of you is
welcome, and we certainly have that in the
nest, my spiritual mentoring group and
community, and I would love to invite you

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01:04:49,060 --> 01:04:57,940
into that. If that's something that ever
piques your curiosity, man, if you ever
like, Hmm, you can always come and try it
for a month, right? Nobody holds you hostage

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01:04:57,940 --> 01:05:07,560
like you can come and you can check it out.
No. Now more than ever, we need to find
those little pockets, those safe places,
those communities where we can be ourselves

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01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:16,260
and we can talk about hard things, and we
can learn tools to navigate. And that's one
of the great things that I think, that you
know, I'm able to do as a teacher, is I try

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01:05:16,260 --> 01:05:28,340
to take principles and concepts and tools
and to make them I always say, I try to make
them easier to understand and to make them
learnable and to make them more applicable.

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01:05:28,340 --> 01:05:37,160
That's what a good teacher does, right? It's
like, I kind of curate resources and curate
things and then share them with you. So it's
like, you know, I can kind of try to do my

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01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:46,780
best, and a lot of these tools and a lot of
these books and a lot of these things that
I've learned right, whether it's yoga and
hypnosis and all these different things, is

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01:05:46,900 --> 01:05:56,380
for me first, I went first and gathered all
the things that I have found helpful, and
now I do my best to share them with others.
So if you're interested in that, just go to

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Karen kenney.com/nest, N, E, S, T. Can also
just get on my mailing list to find out
what's going on and what's happening. I have
online Tuesday night yoga classes. You can

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01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:21,380
just go to Karen kenney.com/yoga or just go
to Karen kenney.com/sign up one word to get
on my mailing list. Okay. Thank you so much
for listening. I hope nobody spiritually

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bypasses you or tries to toxic positivity
dump on you, but hopefully this episode has
been helpful in some way, and I appreciate
you for spending some time with me, and I

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01:06:33,980 --> 01:06:46,420
love you guys and wherever you go, may you
leave yourself and the people and the
animals in the environment and the place
better than how you found it. Wherever you

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01:06:46,420 --> 01:06:56,380
go, may you and your presence and your
energy and your love and your compassionate
positivity, right, be a blessing. Bye. Bye.