Hello ladies.
Welcome to the Hourly to
Exit podcast.
I'm very
excited for our episode today.
I have Kathy Sikorski,
with us to talk about some thing
that will be of interest to.
All of us, which is, very directly
related to the key value here at
a exit, which is getting more wealth
in the hands of women because we
think that will change the world.
And so before I introduce
Kathy, I'm gonna rattle off a few
statistics about.
Why it's so important to get
more wealth in the hands of women.
So I was reading a recent Forbes
article that said that women tend to
invest more than 90% of their assets
in earnings back into their families
for nutrition, education,
healthcare, and more.
In contrast, men only invest about
44% of their incomes back into
their families.
Women build wealth to support a broader
set of goals for their family, for
philanthropy, and for the world.
the stats I have on my website,
women give twice as much of their
wealth to charitable causes than men.
They're almost twice as likely to
say that the act of donating is the
most satisfying part of having wealth.
their financial wellbeing is
influenced by their sense of
responsibility for others, for
their families, for the community,
and for society.
and that women are nearly twice
as likely as men to say that
they've discussed philanthropy with
their children, which I think is
a great stat so that we're raising
a generation of charitable givers.
And so of course women aren't
just generous with their money.
They're also generous with
their time.
And so we are gonna talk about
that, our role as caregivers and
sometimes, perhaps at our own expense.
So with that, Kathy, please introduce
yourself to the
audience.
Hi everyone.
I'm so happy to be here, for so
many reasons.
To be invited into this room to
talk about what I talk about.
And what I do is very expanding
for all of us.
And so I'm thrilled to be here to talk
about my topic, which is I am
an elder lawyer, which means I deal
with elder law issues, Medicaid,
Medicare, people in nursing homes,
social security, et cetera, et cetera.
But I have done that for well over
30 years, and I have found that.
Actually, elder law isn't even, I was
a regular lawyer for one of a better
word, elder law is kind of new, and
it's grown with these issues of
nursing homes and Medicaid and the
cost of care because we're getting older.
We're, baby boomers, there's more of us.
And so it's, really kind of
a newer field.
So maybe 20 years I've been doing it.
but what I found being a caregiver
for eight different family members and
friends during this period of time, not
as my job, but as a person with a big
family who needs help and is a the
punitive expert in the family, is that,
women especially tend to put aside
their financial wellbeing in order
to what they think is to create, Other
wellbeing within the family, and
that isn't always the wisest choice,
and that isn't always even the
necessary choice.
They don't even know that there's options
out there for them.
So I feel like I often have this
twofold conversation like number one.
is it gonna cost you money to
be a caregiver?
and number two is there a way to
get paid for doing what you are doing
as a caregiver without putting
your financial future and wellbeing
into jeopardy?
Because it's very likely that the
person that you are taking care
of, which might be a woman, your mom,
your mother-in-law, et cetera, has
put herself in financial jeopardy.
That's why your caregiving for her.
Mm-hmm.
So there's a lot of, layers to
this onion that we could, unpeel that
could go on for, as you can imagine,
days, hours, weeks.
but the money part is really important,
and that's what I actually love about
your work, Erin, is quite frankly,
it's the money part.
Right.
We women have lots of value.
We have lots of expertise.
We have lots of things that we bring
to the table, but for some reason
we forget about the money piece.
Mm-hmm.
we do, we value our ourselves
in so many ways.
Yeah.
So my, experience, my expertise is
in the legal part of this and the
financial part of it because there's a
huge piece to issues in caregiving,
and so I educate.
People and now I'm moving into
corporations and work and, financial
advisors, et cetera, about the legal
and financial need for preparation for
everyone properly so that no one
gets left behind.
Yeah, that's great.
So, usually we were talking before we
started recording about the, diversity
of guests that I've had on the podcast.
And I will say that typically
I usually know just enough to be
dangerous about the topics that they're
going to cover.
And on this one, I feel fairly out
of my death even though it is,
some legal issues.
not because I'm unfamiliar with
it, but because I've failed so
spectacularly in being, a
caregiver myself.
until very recently I was, one of
the sandwich generation with a.
Mother in her late eighties and I
have a teenager and running a business
and running a home as a single woman.
And so there are all the things
happening.
And so, you talk about, work life
balance and which I've found to be,
maybe I don't know what it means.
So maybe we'll talk there.
Cause I feel like
I just haven't
quite cracked that nut.
So, tell me how that, how
you look at
that.
It's impossible.
Good.
It's not just me, that's how
I look at it.
however, we can get better at it.
Mm-hmm.
If we pay attention to, resources that
are available to us to help us do
better for ourselves and our loved ones.
Okay.
So, there's lots of.
People doing this caregiving thing,
there's people like us who work for
ourselves, right?
And so when we step out of the
workforce, we're stepping out
of our own work and our own,
responsibilities and maybe not
taking on as many clients and et
cetera, et cetera.
But there is the whole, this
53 million of unpaid family
caregivers are not unpaid people.
They're workers.
Mm-hmm.
They're working at jobs where they
actually go to work.
And when I say go to work, I just
mean, maybe they're working from home,
but they have time where they're
putting in at work.
Mm-hmm.
And.
so to educate our audience about very
simplistically, let's start
with the basics.
You need to be a caregiver.
You need legal things in place.
You need to have powers of attorney.
You need to have financial powers
of attorney and healthcare powers
of attorney.
These are the 32nd definition.
It is a document that you sign
that gives the authority to someone
else to act as if they are you in.
Every possible capacity, either
with their finances or their healthcare
super powerful document, you are
giving someone a great amount
of authority.
But if they are incapacitated,
whether it be temporarily or
permanently, they need someone to
take care of their affairs for them.
And that's what everybody needs.
And everyone 18 years of age or
older in this country should
have one because anybody can get hit
by a bus tomorrow.
Mm-hmm.
And you may not be able to handle your
affairs, whatever that means, right?
They get more complex as a
document, as you get more assets,
as you get more responsibilities
or whatever.
And so I'm just saying that.
The concept of a power of attorney
is very, very often missed
until it's very late in the game.
Oh my god.
Mom is really sick.
she's in the nursing home.
She's in the hospital.
I need, nobody will let me do anything.
I can't move her money around.
I can't pay her bills cuz I
don't have power of attorney.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
So if you know that somebody you love,
you're gonna have to care for, or
you're helping them, make sure you have
those documents, you gotta have 'em.
and everybody talks about a will.
They're great.
I love wills.
Yeah, they're great.
But actually in my world, wills
are like the least important thing.
Mm-hmm.
Because, Powers of attorney are for
live people who are sick, and wills are
for dead people.
It's that simple, right?
Mm-hmm.
And then in between, that little niche
is something that we talk about living
will and advanced directives, which is
if someone is in a permanent vegetative
state, what do they want me to do?
And in the vernacular it's,
do you want me to pull the plug or
not pull the plug?
Really?
That's what it is.
Mm-hmm.
So you gotta have this conversation
with your loved one and you gotta have
a piece of paper that says so and
not honestly not.
Cause that piece of paper is so great in
a hospital setting.
It's because I am one of
seven children.
If my mom, 90 year old mom, who is
a hoot and a half right now, and go
on TikTok and look me up, you'll see
the two of us.
We have a lot of fun together, but
if she goes to the hospital, all these
kids are coming in with all their
spouses and all their grandchildren,
and some of their great-grandchildren
will have 56 people in a room trying
to decide what do we do with mom?
She's in a permanent vegetative
state, right?
Mm-hmm.
I don't want that.
I got a piece of paper that mom
signed that says, this is what
we're gonna do.
Mm-hmm.
And I say, I might not even do this,
but this is what mom said and so this is
what we're gonna do.
It takes the decider off the hook.
So that's your basic stuff, right?
That does not address at all
the work-life balance issue and
the difficulty of the cost of care.
Obviously not just financially,
but physically, emotionally.
whatever.
Mm-hmm.
for people like you and I who have their
own business, we don't have someone
that's gonna give us paid time off
or family and medical leave or,
stuff like that.
Right.
It doesn't mean there's not
resources out there for us, but
it does mean that it's a little bit
harder for us.
but here's two things right off
the top of my head.
Get paid.
If your mom has assets and she
would pay a complete stranger to come
in and take care of her, she can
pay you the same $25 an hour to pay.
You get a contract signed, preferably
with a lawyer's, approval.
So it looks like you're not
self-dealing and get paid.
It might not be.
You might earn $250 an hour, so it's
not gonna make up for that, but it
keeps you in the Social Security
and 10 99 yourself, by the way.
It keeps you in the Social
Security loop.
It keeps you in the Social Security
disability loop.
You are still getting paid right?
Wow.
Okay.
So would you have put this in
place the same time that you're putting
together the other,
because otherwise, like, let's
say they're
already in capacity.
Sure.
They can't enter this agreement.
Why not?
Of course.
Why not?
you don't have to take the
money right away.
Mm-hmm.
But honestly, the other thing I say is
if you really don't need the money,
take it anyway.
Because two things.
Number one, put it in your ira.
Mm-hmm.
You're losing time to create wealth for
you in your future.
In case this happens to you.
Right?
So if you really don't need 20, put
it in your ira.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
And secondly, it is a way for you to put
everyone on notice.
And I am working here.
Mm-hmm.
somebody said something to me
very interesting yesterday.
She said, me and my sister, my
mom got very sick very quickly.
They were in their thirties.
they weren't prepared.
Their dad was living, but they
came in to do the hands-on, and she
said the saddest part for me was we
spent so much time being caregivers,
we didn't spend time with my mom
as daughters while she was dying.
Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Oh God, this is really, it
hurt, it breaks my heart, right?
That they couldn't be.
In the relationship of mom and daughter,
because they had to call the
doctor, they had to make sure the
hospice was coming.
They had to, give her a sponge
bath if somebody had put other
money in place.
That's the second thing.
Long-term care insurance.
Mm-hmm.
If you can afford that.
Mm-hmm.
And if you're young, you can
really afford it.
If you put that in place, it
lets your family be your family.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Yes, I agree.
And honestly, if they have to work
for you, they can get paid out
of that kind of a product too.
Right.
And then there's a whole raft of
organizations that have come about in
the last few years because Medicaid
has allowed them to pay family members.
Okay.
Never spouses.
Mm-hmm.
But other family members.
Mm-hmm.
And you may very well, if your person
is not a person of assets or means they
may qualify for a Medicaid benefit and
you can literally work for them,
and you get paid.
Wow.
So what if you have a niece who is in
college mm-hmm.
And can do this part-time paid.
We have to get ourselves out
of the mindset that this is.
A gift that we give to our loved
ones, that we make the supreme
sacrifice of giving up every other
asset or financial, thing that we
have in order to take care of mom.
Mm-hmm.
Because I'm not saying you don't
need to take care of mom.
That's wonderful if you can, but
money isn't the problem here, isn't
the evil one here?
Mm-hmm.
There's lots of ways to transfer
the money so that, as I've said
three times now, you aren't mom
30 years from now with no money.
Right.
Especially if there's no one to
take care of you.
Right.
That is scary.
Do you say a couple things that I
wanna just back up.
Okay.
And kinda just relate my personal
experience, frankly.
one was about the advanced
directors of medical directives and if
you're loved, one is, in a vegetative
state or something.
One of the things that's happened with
Covid and that I have with my mother
is that, They are in the hospital
and, and they are awake, aware you
can talk to them, but you're can't
be alone with them.
At least they couldn't at
the time.
I know things have changed, and you're
not allowed to discuss their care.
Like her doctors would not allow me
to ask her, what do you want me to do?
And so there can be circumstances
where you have someone who.
where there's, for me there was
a circumstance of what do I do while
she's deteriorating, but still here?
So, and yeah.
Yeah.
And,
not wanting to miss that window of being
able to be with her.
Well, of course the first side is, it'd
be great if we have these conversations
beforehand.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Yeah.
So if you can, if you're
hearing this Mm.
And you can.
It's hard, but you gotta go sit down.
Honestly, 12 conversations, my
book, that tells you how to have some of
these conversations.
Right.
you gotta have the conversations.
And if you can, and you're fortunate
enough to be able to do that
now, do that.
but you're, telling us a
different story.
You're saying here we are
in the crisis.
I can't talk to her about this.
The doctors won't let me, which is
the craziest thing I've ever heard.
I don't even understand what
that means.
But they
said, well, but I could not ask her
for her opinion.
like you have to make the decision.
You can't do that.
It wouldn't, they didn't consider
her to be, able to, contribute
even though you could talk to her
and ask her how she, you know.
Yeah.
okay.
Well,
Wait till they leave the room.
Well, they wouldn't let me in the room.
practical solutions are sometimes better
than any anyone's.
but I guess that's where family
history comes into play, right?
I mean, it's your mom and I hope that
you know your mom well enough to know
you're gonna have to make a decision.
Mm-hmm.
Based on what you know about her in
terms of history.
Mm-hmm.
I will tell you that being this caregiver
for eight different family members and
friends, yes, I've had to make some
tough decisions and yes, I still live
with some regrets.
Not even to tell you, oh, I made
the wrong decision, but did I make the
right decision?
it's more of a question about
that, right?
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Mm-hmm.
I honestly think that's a case
for therapy.
It was, right?
I mean, to be honest with you, that's
where I would have to resolve that.
Mm-hmm.
Because, Even if you've had all
the conversations, you've got all
the paperwork, you did all the
right things, crisis is crisis.
Mm-hmm.
And you're gonna have to make
decisions and you're going
to second guess yourself later, if
not in the moment.
Right.
Mm-hmm.
and that's part of it.
and I will tell you the beauty of so
much attention being given to caregiving
now, and it's taken a long time.
Do you know Erin?
I looked up yesterday cuz I
was quoting her.
Rosalyn Carter started the
Institute for Caregivers in 1987.
Wow.
35 years, this woman, and she's
still alive, as you may know.
Yeah.
Almost hundred years is still fighting
for the rights of caregivers and
caregiving families.
but the, thing, because there's so
much now, so many organizations, so
much, one of the things that there's
so much support about, okay, you're
gonna feel bad, you're gonna have
regrets, you're gonna have guilt,
you're gonna have, all of those things.
I would say, so the answer is, since
we're talking about it, prepare as
much as you can, do the best you can.
Mm-hmm.
It's kind of like raising
children, isn't it?
And.
Talk to a therapist, it's over.
That is fair.
Now the other piece of that was after my
mother passed, and I am the executor
of her will and.
I felt, and I kind of feel this
way, I'm thinking about that this
with my kid, is that, being the
executor kind of has interfered with my
grief process and,
which is exactly what these daughters
were saying to me yesterday.
Yeah.
Right.
and, what are the options for,
people don't think of anyone else
being able to do this for them.
what are the options if you're not,
a rich person?
You know the thing, often the
person making the will thinks this
is some kind of a gift or an honor
that they're giving to let someone be
their executor.
Yeah.
It is a dubious honor at best.
Yes.
The business of death is horrible.
Mm-hmm.
The business of death, the only good
redeeming quality, in my opinion
about the business of death is quite
frankly, keeps you so busy that it.
Tamps down your grief until you
have a chance to sit in it.
Mm-hmm.
in a whole way.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
so that may have some value.
Mm-hmm.
Because you gotta do some things.
Right.
I mean, nobody who knows the job ever
wants the job.
Mm-hmm.
but I would say, That if you are in
a position and you are, working with
a family member and they have decided
you're gonna be this person and
you know, you don't want this cuz you're
the caregiver, encourage them to
choose someone else.
Mm-hmm.
Someone who the business part won't
be daunting to them.
Mm-hmm.
It won't be emotional to them.
now in your case, maybe you didn't
have anyone, if you're an only child
or if your adult child is an adult
enough yet mm-hmm.
They can't do it.
Right.
That kind of a thing.
I will tell you, you're probably
not gonna like this answer,
but I don't like sharing that job.
Having two people have the job,
sounds like, divide and conquer,
but more, that's more of a problem
than anything.
Mm-hmm.
And you, having done it, you would
probably understand having to sign
papers, having to be available
to, go through documents, whatever.
If you need someone else and they live
in another state, or they have a
busy life just like you, that's gonna
extend this torture longer than it
needs to be done.
So, right.
I don't like that.
And the third thing I wanna
say about this, cuz it's really
important, cause old people love to
make their oldest child the executor
or their son.
Now they live in Virginia, youngest
only daughter.
They live in Virginia like you
do, let's say.
And their son lives in Seattle
and they're gonna pick their son
who's in Seattle.
And I'm like, what are you doing?
Mm-hmm.
I really, really don't
recommend this.
It's not a good idea.
You've gotta pick someone who's here,
the, where the estate is, where the
physical need to do the paperwork is.
And I know we do a lot of things online
now, but trust me, it's better to be
where your stuff is.
Yeah, absolutely.
So, absolutely.
So, yeah, and if it's okay with
you, I'd like to veer a little left.
Sure.
Which is just talk about work
and caregiving where people who
work in corporate America mm-hmm.
You have so many things available to
you that you don't even know about.
for instance, you probably have
legal benefits, but you haven't
thought about it in terms of a power
of attorney or powers of attorney
for your parents.
You think about it if you have a D U I
or if you have, an accident, you need
to get a lawyer.
That's a really, as I told you, the
critical piece.
If you have legal benefits, use them
for this part, for the caregiving part,
you can use it for a family member.
Well, this, okay, maybe not, but
I haven't met a lawyer yet who
said is gonna say, no, no, no.
I don't wanna do any work for anybody
else in your family.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
You say, I'm gonna come in,
I'm gonna bring my parents in and.
Would you mind giving us the same
wonderful, 20% off or whatever that
you're giving me.
Mm-hmm.
And then I'm gonna tell my brother
and sister it's probably not for
your family members, but lawyers don't
turn business away.
We're not in the business
of doing that.
Mm-hmm.
We want clients.
Boy, do we want families?
That's even better.
Right?
So use your legal benefits.
yes.
Use it for your parents in whatever
fashion you can check out.
Long-term care insurance.
Do you have that at work?
Mm-hmm.
Check it out.
Mm-hmm.
Just at least look at it.
When my husband had it many years ago,
you could buy it for your parents.
How cool is that?
Hmm.
And it's coming back in a big way as a
corporate benefit.
Yes.
And if you're in the C-suite, you can
deduct that, premium as a, deductible
either I don't know if it's a health
cost or business cost, but it's a
deductible cost.
Mm-hmm.
do you know what, may be available
for people who are self-employed
or have
so,
so that's one right there.
Long-term care insurance and
then the deduction of the premium.
Absolutely.
That's a perfect example of that.
So the businessing P and then
Yes, exactly.
Exactly.
Mm-hmm.
and also obviously in a work where you
have paid time off and you have F M L
A and all of those things, you can use
them appropriately for caregiving
and caregiving for the people.
It used to be, would, could only
be your spouse, and now they've expanded
it to your parents and I think they've
even expanded it more to other
family members.
Mm-hmm.
So check that out at work.
and then you have.
EAPs with a mental health.
Mental health is a big deal right now.
It's everywhere.
We're all gonna pay for mental health.
Well, if nothing's gonna give you more
mental health stress than caregiving,
I don't know what it is, right?
Mm-hmm.
Use that.
Mm-hmm.
Take advantage of it just because
you don't feel like you're losing your
mind, but you know you're under extra
stress Doesn't mean you shouldn't
be using a mental health benefit.
Mm-hmm.
So, Yeah.
And a lot of it
is kind of delayed kind of reaction.
It is in it.
You're just in it, it's almost
like survival
and people are just very unschooled
about what they have at work that Would
be helpful in this kind of a situation.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And if you, have your own, you know,
I am a solopreneur and I have,
health insurance and through it
I do have mental health benefits.
And so preneurs
hopefully have that element within their
insurance as well.
yeah.
So
tell me like,
all this costs money.
Are there strategies for, how people
who are, this audience is
primarily founders of service-based
businesses.
How they can, be, I mean, strategies for
them to help access and pay for, these
types of services.
So, yes.
It's almost always gonna depend on
whether you're, the person you're
caring for has means or doesn't have
means, all right?
Mm-hmm.
So if they have means they're
gonna have to use their own money,
but again, let 'em pay you Even if
you're bringing in caregivers at
$25 an hour, you should still get
paid for your work.
Mm-hmm.
Your, time should be paid time.
Mm-hmm.
Get paid.
Mm-hmm.
10 99.
so let's say your parents are people
of assets, then if their assets are
gonna be used to pay for their care,
that's typical.
And also ask and find out if they
have long-term care policies.
I didn't find out I was taking, my
brother had ms.
The worst kind, very, very
incapacitated for a long time.
3, 4, 5 years into it.
I found out he had a long-term
care policy.
Oh my goodness.
Oh, we got it finally.
we got all the benefits.
It was wonderful.
But it's like, where was that?
Mm-hmm.
So look through your loved one's papers,
cuz often they don't even know what
they have, right?
So, and that's a place where
money lies.
and sometimes they have life insurance
that has a long-term care rider.
That's a place where money lies.
Mm-hmm.
Often they have bought that and they
forgot about it, or they don't know
how to start it.
They don't know how to implement
it, right?
Mm-hmm.
Annuities often have this thing,
they're called hybrid policies.
Now, a lot of people are buying these
hybrid policies that are long-term
care policy riders attached to a
life insurance benefit, so pay
attention to that.
If you're a solopreneur and
you're taking care of a loved one, or
if you wanna do it for yourself, right?
Mm-hmm.
There's lots of ways to protect.
Yourself.
for a long-term care event.
then there's these agencies.
if you're a person without assets,
Medicaid actually has ways for
you to get paid.
Also, your state will have
things called a waiver program.
That's what it's called.
I don't know why, but that's
what it's called.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and if your loved one is staying
home, they are entitled to benefits
to allow someone to help care for them.
And that's a way for you to also get
paid without going through an agency,
just a person who's caring for them
and they qualify for Medicaid that
you almost always have to do either
through an elder lawyer, which
would be great, or the area of.
Agency, on aging.
Mm-hmm.
Everyone has one somewhere, and it's
called something families, sometimes
it's called, it's called something
like that.
But there, every state has 'em, every
county has them.
Everybody's got 'em.
And that's where you would get
guidance on where the money lies.
so there's money.
Mm-hmm.
Now how you
mentioned eight.
You even caregiver to
eight people is true story simultaneously
sometimes.
how did you do this?
Sometimes it was started out with
my grandmother who was 92 and came to
live with me and my two-year-old
at the same time.
So talk about a sandwich, right?
Mm-hmm.
And those two just loved
ganging up on me.
They thought it was hilarious to
be living this life Of chaos.
Of chaos.
and then I had several, great aunt,
my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law that
I told you about Ms.
while I was the primary
caregiver for my brother-in-law
who had ms.
My very best friend fell down a flight
of stairs and had a traumatic brain
injury and her husband of 34 years.
Left.
Her and She only had friends, her
children lived on the other side of
the country, and so I became her
primary caregiver.
And then her, our other friends also
stepped up, so it was simultaneous.
Mm-hmm.
And all the while being a
solopreneur, right?
Mm-hmm.
So, I'm not gonna lie, my business
slowed down very dramatically.
Mm-hmm.
but I'm also not gonna lie and say
that that wasn't.
the key and the impetus to create
what I do now.
So there's the gift, right?
I see what's happening and yeah.
it was hard.
Yeah, it was hard.
I spent a lot of time taking care
of my kids and my family members and
my friend, because I could, and I will
tell you, I have an amazing, awesome
husband mm-hmm.
Who was more than willing to let me
be that person.
Mm-hmm.
That's probably the biggest key.
Yeah.
And you
said, Work-life balance does
not exist.
What's the closest thing
that comes to it?
Like what?
How
do we protect ourselves?
If you wait long enough, it
comes around.
The closest thing that comes to it is
recognizing that you have to put yourself
first sometimes.
And not when you're dead, and not when
you're exhausted, and not when you're
yelling at everyone because you've
just burnt out.
Mm-hmm.
That you have to figure out
what that is.
So my, calendar has, a workout in
it four days a week.
Right.
And that is sacred time.
Nobody gets that hour except my
trainer, who I hate.
it's like that, right?
and if it's, only a half hour, because
you have, there was a time when I
had a 15 year old and a 12 year old,
and I was taking them to practice,
and my husband was a traveling
salesman, so, right.
Mm-hmm.
Larry, my brother-in-law
is five miles from me in an
independent living, but his wheelchair
broke down.
He can't get anywhere.
Mm-hmm.
I have to find, so yes.
Mm-hmm.
If it's a half hour, I'm gonna read this
book and nobody's gonna talk to me.
every night from nine to nine
30, go away, whatever it is.
and then it's a bigger thing,
like those mental health things,
like you've got to not be, A martyr.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
The thing where they tell you to
put your mask on before you, in
the, if the oxygen goes out in the
plane.
But my mom has given me such great
martyr lessons.
It's really hard to, let that
influence go.
And if she heard me, she'd be like, okay.
She couldn't hear me.
She's right down the street.
Well, she gave you those great jeans,
yeah.
Right.
so that's how you get more
balance mm-hmm.
Is by, by shoving it in that calendar.
Mm-hmm.
And then, I mean, like everything,
right, Erin, life just sort
of balances out.
Mm-hmm.
But I just don't want you to be
destitute at the end of it.
Mm-hmm.
That's what I don't want.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
what if it's, let's say you're
in your fifties and you've been letting
all these things.
Then what?
So, you mean like you don't have
long-term care insurance and
you don't have, so look it up.
I mean, at least look,
pretending that you can't have it.
Oh God.
Is this like the biggest thing that
you do right in your work, outside
of what we're talking about, but
pretending that you can't have it
because you don't do any homework
about what that actually means?
Mm-hmm.
Is the biggest disservice you can
do to yourself?
Just look it up.
see what's out there.
See what you have.
Talk to a professional
who says, okay.
I see you have four life insurance
policies here.
Why?
Maybe we can consolidate them and
make sure there's a long-term care
rider to that.
So now you're protected and
do this one time thing and get
your documents in order, okay?
Mm-hmm.
You're done.
Great job.
Mm-hmm.
Mommy's proud.
Yeah.
I will
say I'm one of the people who's,
you know, done so many things online
without kind of that intermediary
professional, like a broker,
for insurance or even, for travel.
We kind of are used to doing things
on our own, but there are still.
Insurance brokers in the world is that
we are and I believe these are complex,
this isn't just life insurance.
This is a complex situation and I
really believe, just like lawyers,
you can, I'm gonna tell you right up
front, you can go online and type in
power of attorney.
And something will come up.
I'm not gonna ever tell you to do that.
You can do it for your 18 year old.
Mm-hmm.
Because you'll get a standard document
and they don't own anything, so
who cares, right?
Mm-hmm.
But if you have an ira, if you
have somebody you need, that you're
worrying about who to be in charge of.
I think that's a
conversation with a professional.
What kind of powers do I really want
them to have?
What kind of authority do I
really want this person to have?
how much am I gonna let them into my
stuff or not into my stuff or, whatever.
I don't recommend that you do
that online.
However, if it is absolutely
impossible for you to, and all lawyers
aren't ridiculously out, outrageously
expensive, don't think that either.
Cause it's not a true story, also
not a true story.
You might end up costing yourself
more money by doing the wrong thing.
Than by spending some money up
front and doing the right thing.
We bring
up another point like say you are
not married and you need to find.
Someone to be the Your person.
Yeah.
To your person.
Like, what should we be looking for in,
okay.
So it has to be a person that you
trust, that you really, truly trust.
Mm-hmm.
That is going to because in this
scenario you can't, you're
incapacitated and it could be temporary.
But you're incapacitated.
Now I will say that anybody who takes on
the job as a power of attorney is by
law a fiduciary.
Right.
So by law they are going to be
looked at if they steal from you or
whatever, but you don't want that.
You don't wanna deal with that.
So you want someone who you can trust.
You want someone who's.
Probably financially savvy on the
financial side, and that might not be
the same person.
Maybe you want two people,
someone who's much more savvy or
compassionate on the healthcare side.
don't pull the plug.
I'm having an appendectomy.
Just cause I don't think my brother
listens to this, that he's financial
power attorney, but somebody
else, the medical power attorney.
Yes,
yes.
And, I agree for people and
Florida, I'm in Pennsylvania, so I
am only licensed to practice law here.
But I will tell you that Florida has,
apparently I got a have friends in
Florida, there's some weird thing
in there, laws that says if your
executor has to be a blood relative, Hmm.
I know.
And I didn't believe my friend when she
told me that, I'm like, that can't be
true, but mm-hmm.
It's true.
Hmm.
So what if you don't have any
blood relatives?
Right.
Exactly.
Or what if you don't like them?
Right.
You haven't talked to them.
Yeah.
In 30 years.
Yeah.
so a person.
That you trust in a person that
has knowledge and capability.
Even if it's just for a temporary
time, is the person you and you should
talk to them first and say, I'm going
to ask you if something happens
to be this person.
Mm-hmm.
Will you do that for me?
Yeah.
You definitely don't want it to
be a surprise.
Oh no.
Not a good idea.
Because it can
be a fair amount of work.
Absolutely, yes.
So
this is the Hourly Exit podcast, and we
talk about building a scalable and
saleable business.
And so in the context of that,
for our
solopreneurs or entrepreneurs,
where does this fit into making sure
they're building a solid, sustainable
business?
So here's the thing, if you are
working on a solid, sustainable business
right now, What do you have in place
in case something happens to you?
Mm-hmm.
Even if it's temporary.
What happens if you have to step out
for three months or six months
because you got hit by a car, right?
Mm-hmm.
What do you have in place?
That's what Kathy is trying to
get you to do.
Mm-hmm.
Put something in place to give you
the peace of mind so that what Erin
has done, which has helped you
build this business that will sustain
itself while you're healing.
Right.
That's gonna keep going and you're
gonna be over here and all your
documents and everything is in
place, and you don't have to worry about
crisis planning.
Mm-hmm.
So these two professionals
sitting at this table now talking to
you have just given you peace of mind.
Yeah.
So few people think about that.
nobody thinks they're gonna to
get hit by a bus or get long covid
or whatever it is.
Right,
Function.
Yeah.
It's all sort.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, and, it could be as, I don't
wanna say simple as long covid.
It could, because that's not simple,
but it could be as, Like, nobody
sees it but you.
I'm exhausted.
It's like mono, right?
Mm-hmm.
I can do two hours of work today and
then I am done.
I, am done.
I cannot do one more minute.
Right?
And I need someone to do my banking.
I need someone to go get my car serviced.
I need someone, somebody who
has authority to do that.
Just go do that.
Yeah.
Peace of mind.
Yeah.
So smart.
So, I.
Typically don't have lawyers on,
but I'll ask, are you building your
business with an eye towards selling it
someday?
Well, I'm not building my
legal business.
I'm gonna be perfectly
honest with you.
I'm actually more your client than
I am a lawyer because you can
see I got three books behind me.
I've written three books, and my.
Really, work life is speaking to groups,
speaking to ideally large corporations
who will bring in their employees to
talk about these kinds of issues,
but also about what the employer can
do for them when this caregiving
thing affects them as a worker.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
So I'm a speaker.
I'm a speaker and a writer more than
I am a lawyer.
Mm-hmm.
but family and friends, you know,
there's eight different family
members and friends.
Well, there's lots more them around
really.
Cottage industry, you have basically
family members.
Great.
Therefore, well that's wonderful.
Well, thank you for sharing that.
So as we wrap up three final things.
One, the, goal of my podcast
and my consulting business is to
help create a more, equitable economy,
one that works for more of us.
And so I'd love for people to
share a personal organization who's
doing work in that space that they'd
like the audience to find out more about.
my favorite, I'm on the board of
something called Nancy's house.
And Nancy's house breaks the isolation
of caregiving.
Mm-hmm.
And what we do is, although we
have lots of small programs that
you can join in through Facebook,
the Facebook group, just look up
Nancy's house and you can come in for
group counseling twice a month.
That's free.
we have.
Our main mission is to break this
isolation by having retreats that
are usually three days long, three
days, two nights in a five star.
Bed and breakfast where we provide
counseling, yoga, massages,
and love it.
There's only 10 people.
Mm-hmm.
So you actually build a,
community right there of people
who understand what you're
going through.
Yeah.
it is a wonderful, wonderful
organization.
Yeah.
Oh, that's
fantastic.
Thank you for that.
And so is there something exciting
happening in your business
or something new that you'd
like to tell us
about or an offer for the audience?
You like to share?
Well, I always offer this to
any audience.
You can contact me.
I'm sure we're gonna give you
it in the notes.
Yes, everything.
Share notes, absolutely.
Kathy dot sikorski gmail.com and I
will talk to you for half hour
about anything you wanna talk about.
We can talk about my earrings, we
can talk about caregiving, we
can talk about.
But I will talk to you hopefully
about these important issues.
If you have any questions, as I
said, I'm only licensed in
Pennsylvania, but I can give you some
general guidance and if any real
personal questions about caregiving
or whatever, yes, you get 30
minutes of my time.
Wonderful.
That
is so generous.
Thank you.
And so finally, where can people
find you in addition to your
website, which you just, shared?
Are there other places you hang out
online that we can
find?
Oh gosh, yeah.
Just Google me, honestly.
I'm like the first four pages
under my name.
If you can type Kathy Sikorski, you
will see everything that I am doing.
I'm on LinkedIn.
Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn.
I love connecting with people in.
All kinds of work on LinkedIn
because caregiving touches everyone.
So connect with me on LinkedIn.
I'm on Amazon for my books.
so just type in my name again and,
you will see lots of things that I'm
doing in terms of writing articles
for people and on podcasts and, yeah.
Wonderful.
I'm everywhere.
Thank you so much.
You've
been incredibly generous with
your time and your wisdom.
Much appreciated.
Erin, thank you so much for having me.
I think this is such an important
conversation and I'm so honored that you
recognize that as well, so I really
truly appreciate it.
Thank you.