Well, hello, hello, hello. We're gonna talk about a number of things today, including 1986 and our gall. But first we need a special report because you went to. Oh, you went to, like, your spiritual home, right? So where did you go? And tell us about it.

Okay, so for spring break, my family and I drove to Tennessee, specifically the Pigeon Forge area, specifically Dollywood. So we rented a cabin, and that was nice. And we went to Dollywood for two days. And I'm not ashamed to tell you that when I walked in to the first place, I cried.

I mean, that's the right reaction when you meet God. Pretty much, right? Yeah.

I mean, the boys are a little thrown off, like a little weirded out, but I was like, just go with it. It's probably not the last time today because everything there was amazing. Like, it's a. It's an interesting place because it's a blend of like an amusement park and like a museum type thing. And so they were very gracious on the first day. They said, we'll just do all the shows you want to see and all the, like, exhibits you want to see. So you, like, we could take.

Your family said this too. Oh, that's nice.

And then day two, we were going to do all the rides that they wanted to do. Okay. So worked out great. I got to spend all the time, do all the things. They have her tour bus there that she used up to like 2009. They have a whole separate building that's full of, like, costumes and different things she's worn and, like, how they come up with it and, like, information from her costume designers. They had like, one that was just all about her career. Like, you walked room to room, and it was a different part of her career they had. And then throughout the park itself, they had like a full replica of the house she grew up in in Tennessee, which is just like a two room little shack. Like, if you were worried about going there because you felt like Dolly was going to be in your face all the time, I don't. Didn't get that feeling, really. Like, when you're in the rest of the park and doing the rides, like, you're aware that you're there, but it's not.

So her face isn't like the. The head of the roller coaster. No.

Really, the rest.

Picturing.

Yeah, I know, me too. Kind of. I mean, to the point almost that I think they could do more. Like, I think they could push it a little more. Yeah, I mean, they do some cute things, like their, their soft pretzels in the park are like butterflies, which this is a fact I learned about. She apparently loves two things, bald eagles and butterflies. And when she was first starting out, her costumer said really hard to work bald eagles into costumes. So let's go with butterflies. But she runs a bald eagle sanctuary on the park for what birds they find that are random as. Isn't that random? It's so random.

Do the bald eagles and the butterflies coexist? The sanctuary?

They had this beautiful area and you could go and kind of see like they had open areas and then you could see like the trainers working with them. Like, some of them, they were, you know, something had happened and they were learning to re fly or whatever. And the goal of it is ultimately to. For them to be rereleased. But she's had a few that she's kept because they can't be like, they just can't function on their own in the wild anymore. So.

So you did not see Dolly herself, though. Bummer.

No, she was there the Friday before. What? Because the park actually opened the weekend. Friday was like, open for the season. It opened for the season, yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

So for the shareholders or whatever, like memberships, there's a special day on Friday to go preview all the new stuff for the season. And she was there.

Could you smell her or feel her?

Yeah, you could feel it.

Okay.

Because it's the 40th anniversary, so everyone was talking about how, like, yeah, she's gonna make more visits this year.

And so you're feeling like, fulfilled by this.

I was very much. Yeah.

Yeah. It made me think about, like, obviously, who else, you know, should have a theme park.

Oh, yeah.

Do we think Mariah should at some point or, like, is that not her thing?

I don't think she would show up at it.

True, true.

She ran for years. She ran a camp in upstate New York for, like, kids that lived in the city that, like, where, you know, underprivileged or whatever. And I would bust them up to the camp, so it's called Camp Mariah. And just spend a few weeks out of this camp out in the middle of the woods.

Wow.

I will say the one thing I was super worried about and I even talked to the kids going up there, I was like, look, we're going south and you're probably going to see some MAGA slash drum stuff. And I didn't know what it would be like at the park. And I did not see one single political T shirt, hat, anything really. I mean, I saw some like, Christiany ones, but not like, nothing oovertly TRUMP, nothing MAGA. I was shocked. And I will say, too, I don't know how. It is the cleanest theme park I've ever been to. Like, that place is immaculate. Like, everything is beautiful.

Do you think the bald eagles clean it, like, at night? Like, they. They know they've got a good gig.

So they're like, we'll help take care of this. Yeah, I think so. And everyone is so friendly. Normally, I kind of hate those kinds of things because people in lines get weird, and then it all feels, like, tense, and everybody's like, you know, none of that. Even we were there spring break, so there was some longer lines, and, like, people were so friendly and kind and just, like. I mean, I was impressed.

I feel like if you can go to Dollywood and be an asshole, like, that's. You're a special kind of awful.

Yeah.

Like, I just feel like the vibe at Dollywood is probably just like, it's very good.

Yeah.

Yeah. Do the MAGA people still like Dolly? I mean, because she's, you know, she.

I know she has, like, a very Christian base. She always has. Because she started out kind of in, like, the gospel type space.

Yeah.

So I wasn't sure she likes the gays. She does. And so I don't know exactly where they fall out, but I was just figuring Southern.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

That's fair.

Yeah. And I'm not a huge roller coaster fan. They did get me on two, but they have just a ton of roller coasters at that place, and they're all ranked in the top 10 roller coasters in the United States. And Mike and Evan can tell you more about that. But I'll tell you that they got their clocks rocked, and they love roller coasters because they came off one and they both sat down and just said, we're going to need a minute if you guys want to walk around. Yeah. Mike said, I've never. There's one that they lock your legs in. Like, he's like, I had a bar locking my legs in, and I. He said it wasn't as tight. Like, it was clicked, but it didn't click all the way. And the worker put his foot on the bar and shoved it down on. Mike had to make things and goes, you're going to want it that way.

Jesus Christ.

And they took off. And Mike said, my ass wasn't on the seat the whole time. That's why your legs are locked down, because you're up, and it's the only thing keeping you in the chair that.

Is not a draw for me.

No, not either. Mason and I. Why they did that roller coaster? Because they had to wait a little bit. We went back and went through the childhood exhibit again where we listened to stories.

Good job, Mason. Yeah.

Mason was like, I'm not doing that. I'm like, neither am I in local connection.

Oh.

The company, the parent company that helps her run Dollywood just bought Adventureland. Oh. So get excited.

Do you think Dolly will stop by Adventureland?

I don't know. But let's keep the hope alive.

She's got better stuff to do.

Me too. I really do. Yeah. I hope she has better things.

I hope that also doesn't mean that you're going to go to Adventureland a lot this summer.

No, I don't. No. You don't have any Dolly exhibits. That's really what I was interested in. The rides I could have taken earlier.

For those not in Iowa. How would we describe Adventureland? Just a minor amusement park, perhaps. When we were kids, it was.

It seemed like a big deal then.

Yeah.

It's like a click above a carpet. Carnival.

Yeah.

You know, where it comes in where I feel like carnival. You always question a little bit of the ride, but like, oh, yeah, he and it eventually. And I think that's healthy to do as well.

Yep.

Because it doesn't ever really seem. And maybe this company will help with that. But the upkeep always seemed a little bit on the.

Yeah.

Well, just like any good amusement park, it was staffed by teenagers.

Yeah.

So teenagers and old people.

And old people.

Everyone was under the age of 20 or over the age of 80.

Yeah.

That's the only people who work there.

Which is historically the people you want on machinery.

And you know, I almost died at the Adventureland Inn when I was a kid. I almost drowned in the pool. Yeah. Like, I have a very strong memory of it. Like, I was like, you know, kind of edging along the side and going to the deep end and I lost my grip on the side and I was just like. I was like drowning the pool. How old were you? Seven, maybe. Parents were sitting there talking to their friends on the deck and their friends. He's the one that found that saw me bobbing up and down and they pulled me out. But yeah, I was a.

There's a world where we would have never met Keith.

We would have known him as the kid that died eventually.

Yeah.

Remember when that kid died because his.

Parents were too busy chit chatting to notice that he was drowning?

Yeah, exactly. That's about right. I think I'm sorry. Yeah. That's traumatic.

Do you swim now? Do you know how to swim?

Yeah, I know.

Okay.

I don't. I don't get in water where I can't see my feet.

Good call. So, yeah.

Yeah, I'll do a pool.

That's not a bad rule.

Yeah, that's. That's a. That's a good rule.

That's a good rule.

All right. Should we move on to our gall for the. For the. Whatever it's been for the week? My gall is the doctor pre check in process.

What is that?

I don't know if this is just an Iowa clinic thing. I don't think it is. I think this is, you know, across the land, and I really don't like it because. Well, many reasons. One, I don't like going to the doctor, so you start texting me right away, and you give me anxiety about the whole thing. Don't like that. I also don't like that there's a bunch of redundant questions. Like, it sends you to this link, and then it's asking, what's your date of birth? What's your Social Security number? Which leads me to believe that I'm falling for a scam.

Right.

From some scam factory that the Iowa Clinic is in cahoots with. And I don't like that. Also, you know the 15 forms that you make me sign? At the start, I'm anxious enough. I'm not reading them, so I'm just signing them. I don't know what I agreed to.

Yeah.

I don't really care at that point, but now I start to wonder.

Yeah.

Like, I don't. I don't know, did I give my body up for, you know, just whatever they want.

Yeah.

Also all of that, then to just sit in the office and get told what I'm doing wrong or what I need to do more of? And it's. And also told to not worry so much. So it's just a wonderful, like, chef's kiss combination of, you know, don't worry, don't worry about it.

But also, as if anyone that's ever helped anyone ever.

Oh, I hadn't thought about just stopping worrying.

Cool.

Cool.

Thank you.

Awesome.

I thought this debilitating anxiety was just something I had to live with. Who knew I could just.

Meanwhile, you're telling me pretty soon I'm going to need this vaccine and this vaccine and this vaccine, and also, I need a colonoscopy and a mammogram and. But don't worry. Calm down.

Calm down.

It's Fine.

It's fine.

It's got some unmitigated gall.

It does.

It does not mitigated.

Also, quit acting like you don't have all this information.

Exactly. That's the whole thing.

I'm like, why ask? Has anything changed since the last time.

You filled out this form?

Oh, no. Okay, well, there's 10 minutes back. You don't have to fill out these seven pages of things.

And then when you go there and actually check in, it takes just as long for them to, like, find the insurance and find my file and everything. I'm like, why did I do all of that again? Did I just give my info to a scam factory?

It does feel that way.

All right, who wants to go next with their call?

I can go.

Okay.

My unmitigated gall is people who think that putting a fake owl somewhere on your house prevents birds. What? Wait, wait, wait.

This is a thing?

It's a thing. I saw one today as I was leaving my neighborhood on a front porch chair. An owl. And I said, what possible problem could you be having with birds on your front porch chair that requires an owl? I see them on the back of people's houses all the time. Like, they don't. In the area that I live in, there's fields around there, because guess what? It was nature. It was natural before we built these homes. And so all these birds come, and I'm guessing what they don't like is birds pooping on their patio or whatever.

But we do live in a world where there are birds. Yeah.

I also have come to realize that I might be pissing some people off because I take a different approach, which is that I allow the birds to nest in my back patio. And there are some that come back year over year. It's like, whether it's their families or whatever, they. I've read about them. They come back. So I leave their nest up because they use the same nest they make it out of mud, structure, whatever.

And all the birds are talking, and they're like, that lady, she gets it.

Yeah. So they come. I usually go through a period every spring where they run into the glass repeatedly for, like, two days. And then they figure it out. It's fine. But it's never occurred to me, like, hey, let me get a fake owl and just keep these birds away from my house. Like, what possible. How could that be such a big problem? That you took your sorry ass to an Ace Hardware and said, give me that big ass fake owl. I'm gonna attach it, because somehow that's Better. I'm gonna attach. Attach it to the back of my house. And I'm telling you that if the birds aren't nesting, you're not getting the level of bird poop that you think you are. Because I'm not getting that much. And they're nesting now. I'm not saying I'm not getting any. I have to wash off the patio sometimes. I get it. But, like, I'm not drowning in it. I'm not like, I need a fake owl, because this is. I can't keep up with this. Like.

So the idea is that the birds see this fake owl, and they're like, no. And then just fly away. Yeah.

And they're like, I didn't know birds.

Were scared of owls.

I don't fuck with owls. Oh, apparently, that's what eat that bird.

Well, owls are pretty gnarly.

I mean, their heads turned around. So that's change. Birds are like, that's. No, thank you. But my. When I saw it on the front porch, I thought, you come out some morning and a bird is having a cup of coffee in your front porch chair. And you thought, I won't have this. I won't have this kind of trespassing.

Yeah.

Why? Why is it there?

I don't like it either. I didn't know this existed before 10 minutes ago, and I don't like it.

I just feel like it's something we should question more. I think it's just gotten under the radar. And I think if you see your neighbor and they have an owl in their front. On their front porch, you should be allowed to go up and be like, why, though?

Also, it's great fun having birds nest, especially when you have cats. Because I have a birds that come over to this spot right here. I'm looking out the window, and it is an annual rite of passage for the cats to be like, yes, I wish I could murder that.

And sometimes, like last year, we got, like, a island bird that made it like a tiki hut. He people ornamental grass all the way down the front every day. I went out there, there was some other hanging from his nest. And I was like, the other birds wouldn't go in it. He was solely his. Because everybody else is like, that's a disaster. And he was just living his best. He's probably the type of bird that leaves his Christmas lights up all year. And I.

For some reason, I'm picturing him as Nathan Lane, and he's just. You know, he's decorating, and he was.

It was just. And that Was probably the most mess we've ever had to clean up because it would get windy and little things of grass would fall. Like, there was always a pile of debris under his nest. But then the next day you'd come back and one whole side had feathers. Like he just found feathers and put them in.

Oh, he really, he was really digging the decor situation.

He was. And why you want to miss that? So you can look at a big fake plastic owl when you're outside.

I will offer a counterpoint to the bird thing.

Oh, let's hear it.

Because we have a tree right outside of our bedroom window and birds sometimes will nest there. That's fine with me. But shut the fuck up, birds, until I wake up.

That's fair.

When I wake up, you can wake up. We were actually just having a conversation, Michael and I yesterday, about it. About. I was trying to think of ways to like, I don't want to harm the birds. Right. But I'm like, you think I could like make a lasso and put it around the tree so there's a rope in through the window that I can hold onto from bed and just yank the tree when they start making noise?

I like that.

Yeah, I like that.

You're just observing quiet hours. That's perfectly acceptable in a shared living space.

Absolutely.

Yes.

I did wonder, like, can. Can you buy bald eagle urine online? Because I thought maybe I could like splash that on the tree. Oh, maybe that was.

Are they anti bald?

I would think. I would think the same. I would think bald eagles would, you know, murder a bird like a bird.

I think you can probably get that at your local Ace or Earl May.

All right.

Also, there's got to be lots of uses for bald eagle urine. I mean, it would be a multi purpose cleaning solution of some sort and.

Yeah.

You know, disinfectant.

Wow. Your wood's so shiny. Bald eagle.

Put in your lemonade.

Yeah.

You can get a Tang. You love it. I'm an influencer. And your whole niche is bald eagle urine and the uses for it.

Okay. I mean, there's, there's a, there's an opera, there's a market for that. I think no one is filling that need that people have.

Wow. I mean, I would have preferred that to a bigfoot fake owl, so. Yeah.

But I also feel like, I mean, you know, birds are. I don't know how smart birds are, but wouldn't a bird figure that out at some point? That owl hasn't moved in three months.

Yeah, I would think you'd be able to still yeah. So that's what kind of also bothers me is like, you did that. You are so annoyed by this. You did this really minimal effort thing, and then, like, you're amping up your annoyance that now you're putting one on your front porch too. And I'm like, it's interesting to take a strategy that hasn't worked and double down on it.

Also, if I was a bird and I saw that this guy thought that I was dumb enough to follow for a fake owl, I'd be like, I'm dive bombing that house. I am.

I'm over every time he comes out.

Yes.

Yes. Anyway, that's good.

Yeah, that's a good one. What about you, Heath?

My gall is a T shirt I saw last night out in the wild.

Out in the wild?

Yeah. Yeah. We went to dinner and then went to the new mini golf place downtown. Fat putter is what it's called. Oh, it was fine.

It's an activity. That sounds terrible.

Yeah. I mean, as far as mini golf courses go, I was just, like.

Doing some advertising of theirs.

It was fine.

It was fine. Okay.

But. Well, there's two things that I saw last night that there's a T shirt and something else. The restrooms at this place, instead of just putting an M and a W on them. Oh, no, it is on the women's. It was, you know, the figure of a woman from, like, you know, the stomach to the thighs with a martini glass in the middle. You know, where her business is. And then the same for the guy, except for in the middle, there was an outline of a beer bottle. And it was just so stupid and needlessly gross.

And also, we're still adhering to the fact that we need separate fucking bathrooms. All right, anyway, so there was that.

But the part that really. The thing that I saw last night that really kind of caught my eye was this man, and he was wearing a T shirt, and it said gunpow on it in big letters. And underneath it, it said, like a regular grandpa with. But with a lot more guns.

No.

And it was. It was such a lame fucking brag.

And also, I. Wow.

His daughter in law is like, we need to talk about your dad because he can't be around the kids anymore.

Exactly. Like, I'm not letting my kids go over to that house. Not to Gunpow's house also.

Gunpow.

I mean, bad.

Wow.

Yeah, I just. And I wondered, like, you're like, who hurt you? Like, why are you like this? What happened? What happened that you think this is this is the flex that you think it is. Because it's not a flex.

I would want to know if he made that shirt or if he bought it.

That was my question is, is someone producing this on a mass scale?

Yeah.

Are there enough gunpows out there to sustain this?

Yeah.

And it's. Yeah, it's just. It's a lame.

I'm sure there are.

It's a lame thing to like. Like, this is my. This is what I want you to think of when you think of me, you know.

You know how, like, grandparents have established a name for themselves, like Nana or whatever? Do you think this guy is like, call me gunpow?

Probably gross.

A hundred thousand percent.

He is gross.

Yeah. Because probably the other parents are like, liberal parents, and that Dad's like. Or that Grandpa's like an art. Retired art teacher, and he's like, I'm gonna be gunpow because you got a puss cake over there for a grandpa. Like, what?

Also puss cake. I like that. Yeah.

Thanks. I was getting into character.

I like it.

Yeah. Yeah. Method acting.

You were excellent at method acting, especially when it comes to marketing meetings and gunpows.

Yeah.

Real good.

I will say separate. We can cut this out. But in Tennessee. Not at Dollywood, but three separate stores we saw that were fully dedicated to Trump. Just a Trump store. And I was like, where else in history have we ever seen something like this?

But what I kind of like about that is I feel like he's not getting any of that money. I feel like he doesn't know about it, so. I mean, fuck those people. But at least they're ripping them off.

Yeah, that's kind of true. And it's all made in China, too.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Which is even funnier. But Mike said he was gonna go into one and be like, where's the JD Vance section anyway?

Wow, that's excellent. Yes. Also.

Amy's so good at drilling.

I am. Also, can we get an update on the ymca?

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

It's been. It's been nothing but peace and quiet.

Really?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the person who was at the desk that day is not. I've not seen him since then, so I don't know if he.

Maybe they got rescheduled or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the. In the morning. Yeah. It's just. Everyone's back to just making real dumb small talk.

Is there any members that have permanently left?

Not that I've seen, no. The two people that got. That I know got told, you know, I'd be happy to help you cancel your membership. They're still showing up, so.

Okay.

Also, but, like, now, you can't unsee that. Like, you can't look at Tony and be like. Or the dude that was banging on the windows and just look at them.

Probably gunpow.

And look at them with a normal. Like you. They reveal themselves in a way, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, they did. It is interesting because you kind of. When you see somebody regularly and you don't talk to them every day, you kind of. Whether you do it intentionally or not, you kind of build a Persona in your mind of, like, who that person is, like, just by observing them. And then when they are totally different from that, it is.

That's very hard because that's like, my favorite pastime is to make up stories for people.

Yeah.

And so, like, when it is that shocking and different, then it really hurts you to your core because you think, what did I miss? There were signs there that this was in this person this whole time.

I'm gonna be the person on the news that's like, I don't know. He seemed like a really nice guy, Realized he had all those kids locked in his basement.

There was that moment where he pounded on the YMCA at 4:59 in the morning.

But it was 4:59. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

Okay. Well, you know, keep us updated if there's any more violence at the YMCA at five in the morning. It doesn't make the look. Local newsletter.

Should have made the local news. Yeah, it should have compared to some of the other stuff I see on there.

All right, so should we. Before we check in on 1986 again, a recap.

A recap.

Recap.

Recap.

Previously on Fuzzy Memories. I. I talked about Labyrinth.

You did.

And I maybe traced back my love of villains to David Bowie as Jareth. Yeah. I talked about the Challenger Explosion. So, you know, cheery, good times. I also talked about a few different weird news items, but including that Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson in 1986.

Fergief.

And went on to blissful unending happiness for both of them.

Yeah. Super successful marriage.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Really?

Aaron, you talked about popples.

Yeah.

You also told us the story of the jury that was stuck in the Otis elevator. The jury for the Otis elevator case stuck in the Otis elevator. And what you found on the homepage, which was wonderful.

Yeah.

You also talked about the debacle that was the Cleveland Balloon Fest.

Remember that? Oh, my gosh.

Just letting a bunch of balloons up in the air.

I love that. No one ever Got to the end of that.

No.

Never thought through that one time.

Heath, you talked about Three Amigos.

Classic.

You also talked about Designing Women and gave us a monologue.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that was so good.

And you also talked about Madonna's Papa Don't Preach.

He does not to this day.

To this day, I declare.

So to start us off for 1996, I'll go and I will talk about a movie called the Highlander.

Oh.

Or just Highlander. I don't think there's a. The, actually, which is a movie I loved, but is objectively a total mess and just not great. But it's there nonetheless, and it was a touchstone of my childhood. It stars Christopher Lambert as Connor McLeod, a Scottish Highlander from the 1500s who's one of a few immortals in the world. First problem is, Christopher is French, barely spoke English, and his resulting accent is an absolute travesty that makes no sense. I.

Sometimes when you say a movie that was like a touchdown for you, I think, wow, I never heard of that. Or I didn't see it. And then you read the first part of the description. I'm like, oh, that's why. Okay.

Yep.

I would have been out immediately on.

On the accent? No, on the whole. On the story.

Scottish fighter. I'd be like, no.

Whereas me. This was like, yes. This is exactly what I wanted. So we're in 1985 New York, and Connor meets an old enemy in a parking garage, as you do. And instead of saying hi, they have a sword fight. And Connor beheads the guy.

He had a sword on him.

Yeah.

I mean, he walks around with his sword.

Okay. Yes.

Okay. I mean, that's probably smart if you're Highlander.

He is. Well, he is pretending to be an art dealer, so it is a little weird that he's just carrying a sword around. But he's got it. He's got a sword. So Connor beheads the guy, then he sort of sucks his energy up and in the process destroys the garage. And we learned this process is called the Quickening.

Oh, I don't like the name. I really don't.

Did he leave a note, like, for all the cars that got rushed?

Just.

Just for. Like. Just as. Just to point this out. Like, there's a process during the childbirth process called the Quickening.

Oh, no. Well, the guys that wrote this had no idea of that, I'm sure. No, no. So he's arrested, but he's relieved he's released because there's no proof, because he hid the sword before the cops came Clever. Our boy is clever.

I clearly couldn't have done it because I don't even have a sword.

Meanwhile, Brenda Wyatt, who is a metallurgy expert who's working for the police.

Oh, yeah.

Because that happens a lot. Yeah.

A what expert?

Metallurgy, Some metals. Working for the police.

What? Yeah, she's an expert in metals.

Yep.

This is so specific.

She finds shards of Connor's sword at the garage and discovers they come from a Japanese sword dated around 600 BC, but it's made with medieval era methods. So she's like, I don't get this. So she ends up following Connor around like a perv.

So only case she had in her whole time at the police department.

She'S like, finally, yeah. Something to do with metal.

The chief stood up that day assigning cases, and he's like, brenda, you're up. We got some medals.

It's time.

Yeah. And everyone's like, oh.

So meanwhile, we learned about Connor's history through flashback. He was a warrior, and he was dealt a killing blow by a guy named the Kurgan in battle.

Like, his first name is the.

I hope so.

Yes.

Yep. Hey. Realizing how stupid this movie is.

Yes. But it's a memory that you have from 1986, and that's important. And you know that other people out there loved this movie.

Yes. The Kirkham was played by Clancy Brown, who went on to be in, like, Carnival. He plays, like, a bad guy at a lot of things.

Okay. Got himself typecast.

But Connor recovers, and so everyone thinks he's a witch and they drive him out of the village.

Oh, this is in his previous life.

Yes.

Okay.

So the 1500s. Yeah.

Back in New York. I was like, the East Village.

Yeah, Greenwich Village.

I was like, what did he have.

To move to Queens?

So in Scotland, he lives in isolation, but somehow he finds a woman named Heather and they shack up and all is quiet until.

What did Heather do?

Oh, no. Yeah.

Until one Sanchez via. Your virgin.

Should we leave it at Juan Sanchez?

No, because there's more. Juan Sanchez. Villalobos Ramirez arrives.

Oh.

Despite.

So they gave one guy the cregan, and then they put all the names on Juan.

But despite this name and who you might think plays it, it's Sean Connery.

He was never. Not. He was never out of the running. I don't.

Was playing a swordsman from Spain who actually has a Scottish accent.

I was gonna say. Is it. Is it Sean Connery actually Scottish.

He's actually Scottish. And he.

But they cast him in the Spanish.

Him as a Spaniard.

Okay.

And they try to get him to do a Spanish accent, and it's atrocious. So it's. We got accents flying left and right in this movie.

This reminds me a little bit of in. In Wonder Woman, where Gal Gadot couldn't change her accent, so they made everybody else change their accent to sound like Gal Gadot. Like, that was just. Just on Themyscira.

That was just the way.

Yeah, that's. That was the accent from there.

That's tough.

Yeah. Okay.

So Juan has come looking for Connor to tell him what's up. Because he's immortal like him. And immortals are destined to battle each other and suck up their energy for sure. Because in the end, there can be only one. And that one will win a prize. We don't know what that prize is.

Okay.

More evidence that games are terrible.

I bet it's another sword, though.

Maybe it's a metallurgy expert.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, maybe you get one. I don't know.

Maybe it's that lady's heart.

Yeah.

What is it? Betsy?

Brenda.

Brenda.

I was like, betsy, did I miss another character?

Brenda. So Juan trains Connor, and the two become friends. But one night while Connor is away, the Kurgan finds his home. No. Duels Ramirez. And decapitates him and leaves.

Sean Connery got decapitated.

Decapitated.

Whoa.

They were like, that accent is so bad.

It's so bad.

Cut your head off.

Meanwhile, the Kurgan doesn't really talk much. So he's fine.

Okay. Yeah.

We don't expect him from a guy named the.

Yeah. Years later, Heather dies of old age. Swearing never to love again, Connor wanders the Earth. So now we're back in 1985.

Oh, okay.

And the Kurgan has arrived in New York. Brenda's investigating Connor, who eventually explains his true identity. And as you do in 1980s movies, they have the sex after that.

And Brenda just under. She was just like, okay, I believe you. You're immortal.

Again, she's a metal expert.

So after the sex, the Kurgan kidnaps Brenda to draw Connor out. There's a final showdown where Connor decapitates the Kurgan, absorbs his massive power, which sounds very sexual. And wins the ultimate prize.

Brenda?

No, just her metal testing kit.

And what it is, actually, is Connor gets to return to Scotland with Brenda. And he's now a mortal man. He can age, he has. He can have children. And he's now able to read the thoughts and feelings of people around the world. And that all, you know, lasts a few years until the sequel when it was released in the US it, it didn't do very well, but it's gained wide popularity in the year since. It's become sort of a cult movie.

There's two or three of them now, right?

Yeah. There's four sequels. There was a television series. There were lots of other spin offs as well. And one thing that was really good about it, though, is Queen did the soundtrack.

Okay.

And the song who Wants to Live Forever is just fantastic. And a final bit of news that you might like, Mr. Heath Smith.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Which is they're going to reboot the movie.

Okay.

And Henry Cavill is confirmed.

Okay.

It's like, there's nothing. You're going to bring me in. And then he's like, oh, yeah, okay, you got me.

And they're, they're rumoring that Michael Fassbender is going to be the villain. Oh, we don't know who the villain is, but. And they're going to use music from Queen in the reboot film, as they should. So the Highlander, that was, that was something I watched a lot. I was like, give me the Frenchman who can't speak English and his bad, bad accent.

Done. All right. Well, I don't know if you're aware.

Oh.

That in 1986, on October 5th, beloved news anchor Dan Rather was assaulted on Park Avenue.

Isn't that the Richie Rich?

Yeah. Just beaten.

Oh.

On Park Avenue. A doorman had to come to his aid, apparently. What happened, according to Dan Rather, is that a man approached him and asked, kenneth, what's the frequency? Rather said, I think you might have the wrong guy. The man then struck Rather in the face and Rather retreated into the lobby where the man and an accomplice, which were both well dressed, followed him and said, again, what's the frequency? And began striking and kicking him again and again.

Jeez.

Until the doorman came to his defense. I'm not sure. Like, you're in a lobby. So I do have some questions about the.

How long did the doorman watch before he did anything? Yeah, they're gonna take care of this.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't want to get involved.

And if you read just like the overview of them, like there's a few news reports. That was just like a brief overview. It just says the doorman helped, but when you dig into it and they brought it into the lobby hotel, I'm like, well, did the doorman help or was he just forced into the situation? Because if it was outside, was he going outside? I don't think we can give Him. Him that credit yet. But what's extra weird is that that was actually the third attack on Rather that summer. There was an intruder in his Long island rental home. And in 1980, he was in a New York taxi, and he went on some sort of wild chase. The cabbie just went all the way through New York. Dan Rather felt like he could not get out. Like he thought he was being kidnapped. And at the end of it, the cabbie claimed that Dan Rather was just trying to get out of paying his fare. So he just drove him all around a bunch of places. Yeah. So it seems a little odd that Dan Rather's at the center of some weird.

I'm wondering what he was. I mean, this was on Iran Contra time. Was he reporting on stuff that was making people mad?

I'm guessing. I mean, I. And, you know, REM Famously wrote a song, what's the Frequency, Kenneth? You know that. But you have to sort of wonder. But there had. There has been nothing. There's like, no reports anywhere of saying that they were connected. They never really were able to fully identify these people. It's not like anyone was brought to justice for it. Like, it's just sort of this thing that happened. Said these weird things. And then. Yeah. And he was, like, beat. Like, there's not. I mean, black and blue, like, stuff all over. I mean. So, yeah, that was where I went to is like, he must have been reporting on stuff that was upsetting people. But then this seems very specific. But there was also sort of. When you read between the lines of the news articles, there was also kind of this weird thing that made me feel like Dan Rather wasn't super cooperative. So then I was like, was there some sort of.

Maybe there's some shady.

Yeah, yeah.

That he was doing.

Didn't he say. Didn't he say, what's the fragrance in Kenneth? Like, during a newscast?

He did, yes.

Oh. Before he got beat up. So that's what they were referring to.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It makes you. I wonder whatever story he said that on was controversial or pissed them off.

It feels kind of like stuff that could happen now that, like, people get pissed about what's on the media, you.

Know, and that's been something interesting as we've done this. Like, you go back and read different things, and you're like, oh, okay, there's kind of a history of this or this kind of thing happened before. Not that that. I don't know if that should make you feel better, but it is a little bit of a balm to be like, okay, well, this isn't completely unprecedented.

I know. For me, it's because, you know, we were kids in the 80s, so we didn't really understand what was happening in Reagan America, but it was fucked up. And like.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, very much so. And that, I think that's what reminded me of it, too, is that Mike and I listened to the. That Reagan book audiobook on the way to and from Tennessee, and it talks a lot about kind of how he paved the way for what we have now. And there's so many similarities to things that happened after he was elected and things that he tried to do. And it was interesting in that sense. And kind of like, okay, well, we. We have sort of been through this before on some smaller level, but any. Yeah. So Dan Rather assaulted.

Wow. I wonder how long it took before you went back on camera again.

I want to say that in the article, they said it was a very quick.

Really?

Yeah.

So they just pounded the. Yeah, they just piled on the foundation.

Piled on the foundation. Like, I mean, they were kind of attributing it to, like, what a great newsman. Like, it got right back out there. And I'm like, okay, okay. Also, probably with like, if you think of Anchorman with Will Ferrell, just makes me think, no woman's going to take my job, put the makeup on and get me out there. Like, okay, Dan, that's probably. Maybe you should pay your gambling debts so that you're not getting beat up.

That's my thought was loan shark. Like, you know, he. Yeah, he owed some money.

Especially with the break in over the summer. It feels like monetary to some degree.

All right, what do you got? He.

I have a movie called Back to School.

Oh, yes. I watch this a lot, too.

This movie came out in June of 1986, which is curious timing for a film called Back to School because that's when everyone's getting out of school for the summer. It stars the one and only Rodney Dangerfield. Oh, boy. His character's name is Thornton Mellon. He's a very Rodney Dangerfield like man who has become very financially successful in life despite not really getting a formal education of any kind. Thornton's son Jason, who he used to be close with, is currently enrolled at Grand Lakes University. And he's thinking of dropping out because he's not getting the grades he wants. He's not getting the girl he wants. He didn't make the swim team, and he's getting bullied by the quintessential 80s bully, William Zabka.

Oh, Johnny.

Yeah, he Played Johnny the bully and the Karate Kid. And he was the bully in Just One of the Guys. Just One of the Guys in this movie. His character's name is Chaz, because obviously. Of course it was. That's his name.

Man, that's a tough name, isn't it?

That's rough.

You hear that today, and you're like, what? People are still doing that.

You name your kid Chaz. You want him to be a bully. That's what you're. You're raising a bully.

Yes.

After Thornton discovers that his wife, who's Jason's stepmother, not his biological mother, is having an affair, he leaves her and goes to see his son in college, going so far as to enroll as a student to keep his son from dropping out. It turns out that Thornton doesn't have, like, academic credentials needed to get into college, so he just makes a big donation, and the dean lets him in.

Okay, sure. Yeah.

It's kind of. I feel like maybe that's where Felicity Huffman got the idea for the Stanford admissions.

Oh, you're right. Yeah. This was, like, on tbs, and she's like, I've got it.

Got it, Aunt Becky.

Yeah.

This is what we do. So Thornton clashes with the dean of the business school because Thornton's practical business experience kind of at odds with the dean's theories on the business world.

Sure.

It also doesn't help that Thornton flirts with the Dean's girlfriend, who's Dr. Diane Turner, who happens to also be his literature, While Thornton's winning over the whole campus by throwing parties. Jason kind of earns a spot on the diving. He doesn't kind of. Jason earns a spot on the diving team and starts getting close with fellow student Valerie. And this pisses Chaz off because of his own personal issues, I assume, but they're manifesting as anger towards Jason because he just doesn't like other people succeeding.

Who hurt him, as you said before.

So, yeah, things are starting to look out for Jason, but even though they are, he still feels like he's living in his dad's shadow because his dad is, you know, this larger than life, Rodney Dangerfield type person. So, yeah, Thornton continues to be a terrible student and hires people to do his homework. He even goes so far as to hire Kurt Vonnegut to write a paper about Kurt Vonnegut.

Yes.

Which he gets an F on because Diane is his professor in that class. And very obvious to her that Thornton did not write that paper. So the dean of the business school publicly accuses Thornton of being an academic fraud.

Fraud.

And suggests that he take an oral exam conducted by all of his professors to prove that he's actually studying for his classes.

Oral.

That was the most Beavis and Button moment that has ever happened on this podcast. Oral. Well played. Well played, Amy.

Thank you.

And obviously, Thornton is pretty sure he's gonna fail. I mean, I think anybody that was actually attending the classes would probably be a little nervous about sitting in front.

Of all their professors.

So the exam begins with a 27 part question from the Dean of the Business School.

27 part.

What in the world?

Yeah. So with a lot of encouragement from Dan, who is still his teacher and is probably crossing some lines here, Thornton does finish the oral exam. He sure does.

Sure does.

Right across that finish line.

Later that day at a diving meet, Chaz fakes a cramp so the team will lose because Valerie chose Jason over Chaz.

Poor Chaz.

So they're down a person. With the help of a very questionable understanding of the NCAA's eligibility rules, Gordon, a former diver himself, is recruited to fill in for Chaz and performs the legendary Triple Lindy, a dive so dangerous that anyone not in top physical condition, such as Rodney Dangerfield.

Yeah.

Surely would perish.

I was gonna say I don't think he has the physique for diving, but.

You know, he doesn't.

Whatever. Yeah.

So obviously Thornton pulls off the dive without a hitch and finds out that he passed the exam with all Ds except for the one A from Diane, which again, is sort of suspect. Yep. Yep. He's then invited to the. To be the commencement speaker.

All Ds. You get right up there.

That's right.

You did it.

Yes.

Makes you wonder if Grand Lakes University takes education all that seriously.

I mean, so.

Yeah. And I remember as. As you mentioned, I remember saying this a lot when I was 10 years old, and I think maybe it was because of the diving team.

That could be. It wasn't the kid. It was. It was the same guy in Legend of Billie Jean. The. The, like senator's son. So that guy was in a few different things.

He was in Christine too.

Yeah, yeah. So I remember I liked him in this movie.

Yeah.

I found Rodney Dangerfield annoying, as one does.

I think that's the point. Right. Of him. Yeah, I think.

Yeah. I think Ronnie dangerous major appeal was like 10 to 12 year old boys. Like that was the kind of.

Yeah, yeah. Or gun paws.

Yes.

Gunpows. Loved it. Loved it.

Also, like, I know we're saying grandpa and it's gunpow, but also when you say Gunpow. It just makes me think of a big bear paw for some reason. It's like a bear paw around a bear.

What?

Oh, all right.

So my next one is maybe a little similar to like the Cleveland Balloon Fest. Oh, we got a. We got a real weird event that happened in 1986 and it was called Hands Across America.

Oh. Yep.

So in the mid-80s, there was a bunch of celebrity driven fundraising things. Right. Like We Are the World, Live Aid, Farm Aid, Comic Relief. And maybe by 1986 people were getting tired of big stunts, maybe questioning the validity of them. I sure would. But. But Ken Cragan, who is not to be confused with the Kurgan.

Oh, okay.

Ken Cragan.

His first name's not. Even though it's not. I couldn't confuse him if I tried.

He was a co founder of USA for Africa, the charity organization that produced We Are the World. And Ken came up with this idea. He wanted to create an event across the country where people linked hands in order to fight hunger. Because that's what's going to do. It is holding hands.

Yeah, I was going to say like holding. We could hold hands. Now it's not going to put any food on.

It's not. It's sure not. And Ken called it Hands Across America. And from the start, it was a clusterfuck shocker. The. The task of planning for this transcontinental chain of people fell mostly to local political organizers.

Okay.

And it was a mess because there were a lot of people in urban areas that were willing to do this. But rural areas, there were going to be big, huge swaths where just nobody's there.

Yeah.

So bus rides were organized to transport large groups of people to like, distant rural spots. And some like local organizers and communities that the chain was supposed to pass through. Many of them had never hosted thousand thousands of out of town visitors before. And they were responsible. Providing food and toilets for visitors. Like just total mess.

You could imagine. Rag rye.

So participants were encouraged to donate $10 to sign.

I was gonna say where's the money?

Exactly. That was my first question.

I was just thinking like, what does a bus ride. How much does that equal in reels?

Yes. And the proceeds were going to be donated to local charities to fight hunger and homelessness and help those in poverty. Participants were also encouraged to bring boom boxes.

Oh, yeah.

And portable radios so they could listen to a nationwide simulcast of the event. And so on May 25, 1986.

Okay.

An estimated 6 million people held hands across the US in a human chain for 15 minutes. Hundreds of radio stations across the US simultaneously played a song, a new song called Hands across America, at 3pm who sang that? I don't know, but Ken, good old Ken. He was speaking from New York and he was leading a sing along to We Are the World, America the Beautiful, and Hands Across America, the lyrics to which had been published in papers about the country the day before.

Sure, sure, sure. Yes. You had plenty of time to memorize it. Yep.

Okay, so as you can imagine, there were lots of participants on the east coast, right? New York, Philly, New Jersey, in D.C. reagan had said he would previously not join the chain, but in the days leading up to the event, he had made a controversial remark that where there is hunger, you have to determine that. That's probably because of a lack of knowledge on the part of people as to what things are available.

Oh, no.

That'S bold.

They just don't know what food is. That's why they're hungry.

So, so shortly, you thought about buying food. Did that ever occur to you, Joyce?

Well, here's the lovely thing just as happening right now. Reagan had decimated public, you know, welfare systems, public food systems, things like that.

So which side note, Famously, his parents were on.

Really?

He was raised in pretty much poverty, and his parents relied on state assistance later on, why didn't they pull themselves.

Up by the boots?

I mean, what his dad could have, but gosh darn it, he was such an alcoholic, he couldn't get to work on time. No, that's how his dad lost his job and they ended up on state assistance, so.

Well, but everyone else should pull their bootstraps.

Everyone else should do just. Yep.

So shortly after those comments, the press was. Was very critical of that. So Reagan announced, oh, no, we are going to join the event. We're gonna. We're gonna do it.

Okay.

The press secretary denied there was any connection between these two things. You know, him deciding to do that, of course. But many activists were like, you should not be part of this because you've just dramatically cut all these social programs.

Who had to hold his hand, by the way, like, great question.

Not a blowjob Queen of Hollywood.

I think it was.

I think it was Nancy.

Yeah, I think poor Nancy got stuck with that. Yeah. The route itself, they skipped Iowa entirely. And they went south. They went south through Texas and Arizona, which by May is already hot as fuck. So you just got people standing out there in the desert waiting to hold hands for 15 minutes.

Oh, no.

And that's it. The event concluded after 15 minutes. And so Organizers had hoped that they would raise between 50, 100 million. Okay.

Oh no. What? Oh no.

But the total amount was estimated at 36 million.

Oh, okay.

But then they had to pay for.

Like buses and toilets right after covering operating costs. That left only 15 million to distribute it to charities. And not only that, the process of paying the bills and then choosing recipient charities took months. So by the end of the year, there's still been no money dispersed. The first batch of grants was given out in January of 87. And in seeking chair or selecting charities, they preferred to seek those producing long term changes rather than aiming to provide immediate relief. So no food banks? No, like things that are actually going to help.

Jesus.

It's probably like some think tanks or, you know.

Oh my gosh.

So what a mess. So my takeaway from this was what the. Yeah, I mean, besides holding hands to solve hunger. That's some performative bullshit.

Yeah.

This felt like 1986's version of social media posts that are so tone deaf that they hurt.

Yes.

And it's nice to see that 40 years later, Trump is like, Reagan, hold my beer. Because I'm gonna be gutting all the programs. Not even holding hands is gonna help. No, no, it's nice too that other people saw the bullshittery because there's a in. In the movie US by Jordan Peele, they kind of mimic this Hands Across America thing. There's a whole like the tethered are holding their hands and it's supposed to sort of evoke that, you know, creepy ass thing. Because Jordan Peele said like I would see pictures and be like, that is creepy as. And so he used it in a horror film, which is great.

It is kind of creepy. Like you're gonna bust me to some place, I'm just gonna hold hands with someone and this is somehow gonna translate.

It's gonna, it's gonna solve everything. Gonna solve it.

And obviously they didn't tap into like our mindset of people because I'd have been like, I'll give you the 10 bucks, but I'm not going.

I'll give you 15 if you leave me alone.

Yeah, you know, and I'll 20 if I never have to hear about this again.

I'll give you 25 if you give it directly to a food bank.

Yeah, scratch that, give me back my 20, I'll drive it to the food bank and we'll talk later.

Anyway, Hands Across America. So you know, obviously that's what we need to do to solve the. That's happening right now.

Absolutely.

Hold some Hands.

Just hold some hands.

Maybe hand jobs across America.

Oh, that would be better. That would solve a lot more issues.

Yeah, just don't bust people together.

Don't.

We don't need to get in groups for that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Circle jerk for the Constitution.

Yeah, I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that.

I like it.

Well, I'm gonna go to a different magical place besides holding hands across America. And I'm again gonna take foray into talking about a movie which is scary for this member of fuzzy memories. But this one I feel pretty confident about. It's called My Little Pony the Movie.

Oh.

And much like your Highlander, it was a disaster.

Oh, great.

Just a disaster.

Somebody last night just asked me if I know what a Brony is, and I was like, yeah, it's a. It's a guy. It's an adult man. A bro who likes My Little Ponies.

Yeah, yeah, that's. That's old news. Yeah, yeah, that's been around a while.

Yeah, that's common knowledge, Right? So My Little Pony was. Seen some success on tv. Their toys were taken off. And naturally, what do you do if you're a, you know, company that has this kind of hot commodity you put. Make it a movie.

Damn right.

Now, some companies might take their time and really make this movie work.

That's silly.

But that. That's not gonna get the money in your pocket. So they went ahead and they came up with a plan, and the plot was simple. Ponyland.

Nope.

Comes under attack from the Schmooze.

The Schmooze?

The Schmooze.

Is that the same as the ooze from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Oh, I think it's play on it.

Because it's a massive purple ooze created by an evil witch who plans to destroy the pony's annual spring festival.

Wow, this is. This is really phoning it in.

This is phoning it in.

This.

This feels like. Yeah. I mean, there's so many things wrong with this. Clearly. First, there was no writer's room. No, clearly, it was just a guy.

That Phil in a marketing meeting, just.

You know, what about. Oh, God, that one guy, Slimer's really cool. Schmooze. What if we just called it Schmooze? I think we could avoid any kind of suing situation. And it's just purple goo that's easy to draw.

What is that supposed to do to ponies? Like, how are ponies gonna be defeated by, like, goo?

Right? I don't know.

Ponies can ride right through that.

Ponies can Gallop on.

Jump on over it.

I mean, I guess it might get in their illustrious pony hair. Yeah, yeah. What's. What's more shocking is that right out of the gate, they thought, let's get some actors assigned to this. They got Danny DeVito.

Oh, oh.

Madeline Kahn and Cloris Leachman all signed on and I'm assuming before they read the screen to do this. So the movie immediately became a critical and financial bomb during its theatrical run, grossing only an estimated 6 million worldwide, and their budget was 5.5 million.

Oh, that's some Hands Across America math is what that is.

It is. And this came on the heels of the Transformers, the movie being a huge bomb. So the studio said, you know what? We're not going to do the animated gem and the holograms movie and the GI Joe movie. We were gonna push direct to video because we're not doing well in theaters.

The art isn't that great either.

No, it's bad.

Yeah, it's looking real, like, sketchbook type stuff.

Sketchy. Yeah. Mm. So according to creative consultant, this is the type of thing. I'm gonna give you an antidote here, because this is the type of thing that was going on behind the scenes with this movie. So it's really quick to understand why this was so rough.

Okay.

According to creative consultant Buzz Dixon, when a group of ponies.

Buzz Dixon.

Buzz Dixon was the creative Cons consultant.

From My Little Pony.

When a group of ponies go into the human world to get help, he pitched a scene featuring the ponies approaching Optimus prime from the Transformers and Shipwreck from GI Joe to help thinking, like, cross promotion.

Okay.

While the specifics of Optimus Prime's cameo are unknown, shipwreck scene would have apparently featured him outside a bar drinking amber liquid from a bottle. And as the pony spoke to him, Shipwreck would just stare at her in bug dyed disbelief, and then she'd just fly away. Shipwreck would smash the bottle, take his cap off his head, put his left hand over his heart, raise his right hand in an oath to quit drinking. Hasbro execs thought the idea was hilarious. They really liked it, but then ultimately decided that might not work in a My Little Pony movie meant for basically young girls.

What they imagined the Venn diagram of My Little Pony versus GI Joe fans and Optimus Prime.

Optimus Prime.

Yeah. I'm not saying because, like I'm gonna.

Say, at 5 years old, I was the target for this movie. Like, I was the target I had in My Little Pony. Like, this was Right up my alley.

Yeah.

I don't have a specific memory of seeing it. I remember seeing it later on tv. I don't have a specific memory of seeing it in the theater, but I remember the show. And I remember collectively, like, everyone kind of agreed the movie was bad. Like, even five year olds were like, the TV show. Like, so I don't know if you're looking at that demographic, how you're like, we'll put in Optimus prime and Shipwreck and this will be great.

This is gonna be it.

This is gonna be the cross promotion we need. And they just push the shit out. And then they were shocked when everyone was like, you can keep it. It's actually not that great.

I wonder if Buzz Dixon went on to great fame and fortune after this.

I love that he's a creative consultant too, because, you know, his paycheck was so much bigger than, like, the actual people working. Creative consultants. And what's your resume, Buzz Dixon?

Yeah.

Like, what other creative things have you done? Because that was your best idea for My Little Pony. Buzz was Shipwreck was going to be an alcoholic and turn his life around in the middle of the movie. Not help the ponies, though. They're just screwed.

Yeah.

Yeah. No, that's it, really. Oh, wow. They gave up after that and said, we'll just stick to TV shows. Sorry. Oh, sorry. We did that, everyone. We're good. We're good.

Sorry, everybody.

But for to be so bad that they pulled two other movies that they had in production tells you that that's. There was some tough conversations. And I'm assuming maybe Buzz Dixon didn't need a W9 the next year because he was no longer a consultant.

Poor Buzz.

I will say I remember seeing the Transformers movie.

Yeah.

When it came out. And I mean, I don't remember thinking it was bad. I do remember being disappointed because all of the characters, you know, like, die in the first 20 minutes and then it's just new characters for the rest of it. It was like, I don't think that's really the way to. To get kids to like this. It's all people they don't know.

It seemed like this was around the time of the golden era in the 80s of, like, it's just a cash grab. Like, we're trying to get as much money as we can from name recognition, and then we'll try and do something weird like introduce all these new characters so we can continue this line for years and years.

More toys.

Yeah, yeah. They wanted to sell more toys, so they Kill off all these characters and have all these new ones, and now you got to go buy all these new toys.

Yep.

Wow. Well, I'm not gonna watch that.

You shouldn't.

Okay.

I had a different reaction. I was like, maybe I want to watch that.

I mean, there's a part of me that kind of does. Like, in the right frame of mind.

I think I just need to go back and watch Highlander now, because.

Yeah.

Yeah. I need to see.

Maybe that's. Maybe we just found the best trilogy ever, which is Highlander Back to school.

Damn. Now that. That's a drive in movie night. That is. Yeah.

That's a really feel in your 80s. 80s.

That's right.

Movie night.

Yeah. Well, we want to make it four movies. Really, really want to go. I offer you An American Tale.

Oh, my God.

I love this movie. I love this movie so much. I won a coloring contest for this movie. I get to see it for free.

Wow. When you said. When you started talking about the cartoon just now, I was like, oh, she's gonna tell about an American tail.

No, I couldn't.

Wow. I don't think I've ever seen that much excitement from anyone ever.

First of all, to win a coloring contest was, like, my dream when I was little.

Yeah.

And I got to take four friends with me. I got to start the movie in the movie theater. We got free popcorn, and we were the only people there. I got my own private screening of An American Tale.

Wow.

At age five or six.

Yeah.

Like, you got to turn the switch on the projector.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

How did you get from the projector room back down to your seat without missing anything?

No way. It was the sequel Fievel Goes West. That's what the coloring contest was for. Yeah. But I did love this movie, which is why the minute that they put out coloring. Well, yeah. Because I was like, I wasn't five. I was a couple years older.

Yeah, that sounds right.

Because I spent some time on that sucker, as evidenced by my win. Or no one else entered. We don't know. But anyway, sorry. American Tale was phenomenal, though.

Okay.

I love the idea, though, that a bunch of the people that work at the movie theater are like. Like, have all these coloring pages spread out over a table. Right. And they're, like, picking whose is best.

That's true. When you think about it now, you're like, they're probably just like, this girl went way too far. We should probably just give her a win.

She's gonna need this.

She has shading. How did she Even do that with a marker. So, yeah, I have a deep love for all things Fievel.

All right, well, I hope I. I hope I can honor your deep love.

No, All I can remember is somewhere. Yeah, that's all.

So. Yes, Feivel Moskowitz, our hero of the story which begins in the late 1800s in Russia, where the Mouskowitz family is celebrating Hanukkah or Chinooka, if you're smoking Robinson.

And she's fallen to the floor until.

I take a drink. And he looked right at me like, I know I got her with this one. Okay.

So during the celebration, Feivel's father is telling him about the United States, a country he claims doesn't have any cats establishing.

Oh, yeah.

So we are establishing Fievel's father as a known liar.

Yeah, yeah. Right from the jump, he's dead.

Okay. The celebration is interrupted when a group of Cossacks and their cats ride through town and destroy the village in an anti Semitic attack.

Jesus Christ.

I don't remember any of these, which seems like a lot for the first act of an animated movie for kids.

That's a lot. Yeah, it's intense.

So we're taking on pogroms in the 1800s.

Okay.

All right.

So the Moskowitz family. Moskowitz home is destroyed, and they flee to Germany, where they get on a boat bound for New York City. And I don't. I spent more time than I should have. Like, where'd the boat leave from? Germany. I mean, like, I guess it went up a river, and then that went out to the ocean. Like, I would have thought they would have gone to Germany's France.

Yeah. Okay. Anyway.

Yeah, so, yeah, a couple of things at this point, it's while they're just suggesting that all cats are Nazis. Like, I feel like you're right.

Well, I need to have a conversation with cats, make sure they're not right.

Yeah, Double check. Yeah. And then again with the Nazi thing. Like, I mean, would you go to Germany? I guess this was said before World War II.

Yeah. Yeah. Not your safest bet.

Yeah.

So on the boat to New York, Feivel's dad keeps pushing this fake news about no cats in America. This bullshit story.

So he's Qanon.

Yep. The ship encounters a storm, and Fievel is washed overboard because he is a mouse.

Oh, poor Fievel.

He gets into a bottle, though, and floats the rest of the way to New York, which I would imagine would just take months.

Long time.

His family just assumes he's drowned, and they pick up the pieces relatively quickly and kind of move on with their lives.

Yeah, they do. It's shocking. Maybe that's what I related to.

Moving on.

Oops, we lost her.

Well, that took care of that.

I knew the ship rad was good for some.

Yep.

So when Fievel finally arrives in New York, he's bummed out that he's lost his family. But he gets a pretty solid pep talk from a French pigeon named Henry and decides to look for his family.

Does Henry have a French accent?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Henry's actually Scottish doing a French accent so it sounds more Scottish.

Perfect.

Fievel is quickly sold into indentured servitude and starts working a sweatshop because.

Yep.

Because again, this French pigeon was not bleak enough.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. And also, you know, as a person in watching the movie, there are cats here. This is gonna come to fruition.

Yeah, yeah.

Since it's New York City in the late 1800s, there's immigrant mice from all over the place. You've got Italian mice, you've got Irish mice. You've got an alcoholic mouse. There's a politician who would love to help find his family, but they're not registered to vote yet. Voter registration files are the only way this mouse politician knows how to find somebody.

Who the fuck wrote this, Eric?

Okay, so they're at a rally to try and figure out what to do about the cats, which is something I feel like, you know, mice still do today. What do we do with these fucking cats? The mice all figure out that the guy who sold Fievel to the sweatshop is bad news. Yeah, no shit.

Okay. Yeah.

Turns out they're right because the guy was a cat in disguise as a mouse, which seems like a difficult thing to pull off just size wise. Right.

That's absurd.

Yeah.

Yeah, I forgot about that part.

Yeah. I feel like a cat old enough to stay in character as the smouse would be too big to be, you know.

Yeah.

People would be like, you're a giant.

Actually, the whole premise too. Like, I think that cats are bothered by mice when they enter their space, but I just don't think they care enough to go out and about hunting them down.

So after Fievel figures out that this mouse is really a cat, Fievel gets locked up by the cats. But he lucks out because his guard is a vegetarian cat and Fievel talks him into letting him go. This cat doesn't want to eat Fievel because he's just into, like, carrots. And broccoli.

I have never met a goddamn vegetarian cat in my life. No.

And everyone knows that cat vegetarians are easily manipulated.

Very. Yes, because they're just hungry.

They're just hungry. So hungry.

So Feivel races down to the piers and gets there just in time to see the mice unleash their secret weapon, which was a giant mechanical mouse that chases all of the cats into the water. You know how cats don't like water? So a boat bound for Hong Kong picks them all up. And I don't know if that was racist somehow. I don't know if this was sort of a weird, off color, not great joke.

Oh, no, you're right. It probably was.

It had to be, now that I think of it.

Oh, Jesus. Okay, still love it.

Moving on.

Nothing's gonna change it. Yeah.

So at this point, Fievel now has been reunited with his family, but they get separated again after a fire on the pier. And I think maybe it's time for the Muskowitz family to just sort of like, we're gonna meet by this tree every day at 3. Like, we're gonna figure out a way.

To, like, we need to establish a safe spot.

Yeah.

Regroup space.

I like that.

So Fievel ends up in an orphanage now after he's been separated from his family. Right.

The movie was over by the Hong.

Kong part, but, okay, so Fievel then gets mocked by the other orphans because he's looking for his family instead of his family looking for him. And I feel like these orphans are assholes.

Yeah, way to probe at a, you know, herded area. Yeah, a painful area.

Right?

Yeah.

So Feivel now is finally reunited with his family. And who's laughing now? Orphans. Ha ha ha.

Fuck you, orphans in your mouse orphanage.

You're never gonna get your family back.

And then the movie ends with that French pigeon claiming that he built the Statue of Liberty.

Okay, I do wanna point out in my quest to find the writer of this weird ass thing, the Google says, in a nutshell, this is uplifting, cheerful, and optimistic. I'm not getting that from what Heath just described.

I don't remember feeling optimistic after it. I remember feeling like it was a dark movie.

I mean, I think. I mean, the whole premise of the movie is like, a child is, like, you know, ripped from his family and, like, it's just sort of out in the world alone. I mean, that was the song.

Somewhere out there.

Somewhere out there. Although it does. I mean, I guess there were a lot of stories of orphans around this time. And, like, the Secrets of NIMH was around this time, which was devastating.

The. The song, though, was nominated for an Academy Award for best song. It did lose to Take My Breath Away from Top Gun.

Was it Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville?

Yes.

James Ingram.

James Ingram.

But it does. But yeah, she said that song with. She sings with Aaron Neville. It reminded me of that too.

Yeah.

Side note about that song, when I. My senior promotion.

Oh, no.

A girl in my class and her boyfriend sang that to each other. That was part of the prom entertainment.

No, no, no.

I don't know much but I know I love you.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God. You can't do Aaron Neville.

But what's great is her boyfriend, who is a year younger than us, was not very bright. And imagine as a teacher sitting there and having to watch this kind of.

Oh, no.

Dumb punk sing this song. That's. I don't know much, but I know I love you. I'm sure the teacher's like, you're right. You don't much. Also, you don't love her because you're like 17 years old and you're just like, yeah, you're just touching butts or whatever you two do for touching butts.

And what was your reaction to this performance at your senior prom?

I remember not being surprised by it. I didn't know it was going to happen. And just kind of sitting there being like. Because neither one of them were in vocal, like, they weren't particularly good singers. And I don't. I still to this day don't know how.

I think you need to go back to the source there and say, what teacher approved this prom entertainment and where were they at in the school year and everything? Because, like, was it 5 o'clock and you caught someone walking out and you're like, we want to do this thing at prom. And they're like, sure, that's a good. Okay.

So the Land Before Time. Not the Land Before Time. An American Tale was the highest.

Don't confuse two dark movies.

That's the point I was going to make. It was the highest grossing non Disney crowd cartoon until the Land Before Time came out, which is another bleak look at a parentless existence for a child.

No wonder we have the mindsets that we do.

And what's weird is that I remember having such a deep love for American Tale and Land Before Time just wrecked me.

Yeah.

I never recovered from Land Before Time. I was like, keep your fucking hand puppets away from me. That movie is not to be recreated with your tiny children play things.

And that was. And they're both from Don Bluth. He's. He the same guy came up with both of them.

Yeah, I had that reaction to the Secrets of Nim. That was where I was like, no, no. Can't deal with any of this. And I'm never mowing the grass ever again. So that's, you know, that's what's happening.

Oh, my God.

Wow. What a year. And what a quartet of films. You're right.

Yeah. What a journey.

You want to feel all the emotions.

Yep.

We got you covered.

We got you covered.

Maybe that's like, we should start packaging. The movies we talk about in one episode is like, this is what you should. If you like this, you should watch this and this. Like, but they're just these four random movies together that someone's like, I don't get why they put these together.

Because it works. Okay?

Because it was 1996.

Yeah.

People were holding hands to stop hunger.

Stop hunger.

We don't know what was up and what was down. Ronnie Dangerfield gone to college and never even graduated high school. We don't know.

It also made me think, you know, Evan's going to college this fall. How likely is it that you will join him there?

I'm gonna go negative 2%.

Okay.

Yeah. I mean, just based on everything. Everything. One, I don't. He doesn't want that. No, I mean, that's the obvious reason. Two, I don't want that. Three, I mean, I spent a little time now with the college visit and then when he had his audition and stuff. And I can tell you that that's a young, young man's game. Yeah, like, no, thank you.

Sounds terrible.

No, I do have. I sort of do feel bad for. I don't know if you guys had like non traditional students in your classes ever. Like, at uni, there was always a few and they were always asked like all the questions. And I remember being like a 20 year old punk that was like, shut the up so we can get out of this class. Like, why are you asking follow up questions? And now I realize you could be that student. I realized that would be how I would be. I'd be like, wait, because at that stage you are ready. More ready to like, learn and understand things. And also I didn't give them enough credit for how much energy and time it takes to like get to a class, you know, and you can go.

There and just make a bunch of.

Teenage enemies pissed off.

Yeah.

Like, who wants to be in my group for group project? Good. Cause I'm doing it by Myself.

I got this.

I got this. All right, good.

Good talk, everyone. Good job.

Yep.

Fuzzy Memories is a broads and books production. It's hosted by Heath Smith, Aaron Johnston, and Amy Lee Lillard. Big thanks to our supporters on Patreon, especially those at the make me famous level, including Haley Scarpino, Nick Thornton, Daniela Barzallo, Matthew Serbek, and last name Greatest. Sign up at our Patreon for bonuses and new stuff, and be sure to follow us at Fuzzy Memories pod on Instagram for clips and highlights. See you next time. Whatever.

Yeah, go for it.

I mean, they didn't need to do any entertaining. Like, we just. We could have just eaten a rice peel off or whatever it is gave us.

Yeah, ours was that way too. It was like a dinner and then the dance. At the same place.

Yeah, ours was in the gym. Oh, yeah. Half the gym was where we had dinner and then. Then you went to the other side and that's.

We got fancy and ours was in a hotel. It was dinner and then they moved the tables out. Some of the tables out. And then it was a dance.

Ours was at the Historical Society. Oh, just downtown.

Okay.

Yeah, that's fun. We didn't get no food.

Yeah, like he did the eating before. That's how Evans is, too.

I always feel like when it's prom season, like downtown, you see, you can tell it's prom season because lots on Saturday, late afternoon, you just. There's all the kids dressed up and they go out and I always feel so bad for the wait staff.

Me too.

You know, they have to work just as hard as normal. And those 18 year olds, they are not giving tips.

No, no, I know. And they're all ordering weird things because they go to places that they don't know what they should order. So they're like, oh, just get a side of onion rings, a side of french fries, and three chicken fingers on the side.

Yeah.