>> Anthony Weaver: Welcome back everybody to another exciting
show, the about that Wallet, the podcast where we
help you build strong financial habits so that you can be
successful and build that confidence and spending
money, talking about money, uh, or even dating
with money. So that's one of the topics that we're talking about today
is how to date and it's modern era
with these apps and all this fun stuff.
But we got to get this going, you guys.
So without further ado, let's get this
intro and then we't kick it off. Let's
go.
You're listening to the about that Wal podcast.
Will be right back after these messages.
Oh, that's my short one.
I'll be right back. Hold let me find my right one
your're listening to the about that Wally podcast.
Will be right back after these messages.
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>> De Dee Patterson: Even the best and the brightest this world has to
offer. Have coaches and mentors build strong
money making behaviors by applying financial
concepts and strategies. With Anthony Weaver
on the about that Wallace show, it's time to get
off the bench and get in the game now.
Here's your host, Anthony Weaver.
>> Anthony Weaver: Welcome. So we have an
exciting show today. We have so many people on
this panel. Um, I'm actually
excited about all of this greatness and it's
a lot of femininity in here, but I'mnn hold it
down for the fellas. It's all right though. We go and get it
in. So I want you all just to kind of give
quick rundown your name, uh, your
at so people would know who you were to follow you
and then you know, just kind of quick one or two
sentence spel about what you're all about. So let's
go, let's go right to the top. Hey, let's go. Start with Joy.
How you doing, Joy?
>> Joy Coffee: Hello everyone. I am Joy Coffee Withee Joy talk show
podcast. You can find me at Coffee with Joy across everything, of
course, my website, the
coffeewoodjoyow.com if you like to be a
guest. We're always looking for guests where we normalize the difficult
conversations. So excited to see everyone. So excited to hear
everyone. Looking forward to your message. Until then,
we'love to have you on our show.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right, Rahema.
>> Raima Carpenter: Hi, Rahema Carpenter. I'M a personal and leadership
coach. Instagram, uh, mohawks and
pearls. And, uh, I help people to
achieve their personal, uh,
professional goals. And I, uh,
look forward because I want to go and have coffee with Joy.
>> De Dee Patterson: So that sounds like.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right. Thanks. De.
>> De Dee Patterson: Hello, I'm De Dee Patterson, and I'm,
ah, a dating and relationship coach. So I've
been happily married for 14 years. I
love being married and I met
my husband on a dating app. And
so I like to leverage dating apps to help women
find the love of their life. And the best
place to find me is in my Love and Dating
Secrets Facebook group on Instagram.
You can find me Edee Patterson with a zero
because someone took the O in my name,
so it's a zero. And you can find me on Instagram,
too.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right, Nia.
>> Nia Adams: Hey, Dr. Seif.
Um, I'm Nia Adams, the Money
Moves motivator. You can find me
at Money Perspectives Everywhere. Feel free
to like and subscribe on YouTube.
Um, I help women overcome money
mistakes and transform their spending habits to achieve
wealth.
>> Anthony Weaver: You're very modest. Like, you do so much more.
>> Nia Adams: I don't want to call forever.
>> Anthony Weaver: I got you. What's going Free?
>> Free Green: Hello, beautiful people. My name is Free Green. I'm the
CEO and founder of Gay Street Society. We are
your financial safe space, helping you develop
clarity, confidence as it pertains to your
money.
>> J. Steven: All.
>> Anthony Weaver: Uh, right. All right. And, um,
last but not least, gotta always give you your ad horns
because you. You always get on me for not giving you
those.
>> J. Steven: I really like Air Horse, y'all. They get me hype.
Um, something to do with growing up as a millennial and,
like, the sound. We were here in the club.
I am J. Steven, founder of Rich Like
My Melanin, where we transform complex
financial topics into easy and actionable plans.
I am going to put it out here very front
upfn. Please don't expect me to be the dating
expert. I have a program
I teach called no Romance Without Finance.
Um, and it teaches principles on
how to have healthy money conversations
in relationships. But, like, don't expect me to tell you
how to date, because if I had those answers, like,
I'm just putting myself out there today. But I can tell you
what to do once you get to the point of, you know, actually
wanting to build good foundation financially for your
relationship.
>> Anthony Weaver: Awesome. And I think that's everybody,
right?
Sweet.
All right, so, uh, I really wanted to talk about
this topic, uh, mostly and pretty much
put this panel together, mostly because a lot
of people talk about these first Dates. And
some people are just getting out of the dating game or getting back
into the dating game. And this stuff is, uh,
it's not easy from what I hear.
And so my first
question is that I put up, even though my social media page
is should guys
pay on the first date?
>> De Dee Patterson: I'm going to answer.
So I believe that the guy should
pay. Even if the woman acts I. He should just
start off the right foot where the guy should pay.
But I tell the women that I coach
that don't. You don't have to order a stake.
Be nice, because you probably won't get a second day if you
ordered the highest thing on the menu.
So, yes, I believe the guy should
pay. Don't go Dutch. Let
him be like the provider for the first date. Probably like third
or fourth date in, um, the woman can pay back
and, um, take him out. But I do believe that guy
should.
>> Raima Carpenter: Pay on the first date.
>> Anthony Weaver: Anybody else?
>> Free Green: So let me add on to that. There's a kind
of philosophy that I live by. I'm not a dating
coach, by no means. I'm just a single
woman out here, you know, trying to find my partner and find
love. But one of the principles that I kind
of just use as a guide is similar
to when those folks that are working in
corporate America or when you go to, like, a team dinner
with your work and there is maybe a partner or
director or SVP paying for the dinner, you
kind of leverage what that person
selects. So, for example, if they say, hey, I'm, um, about
to get the table wine, like, okay, we have in wine,
right? You kind of use, um, the
gentleman or the lady or significant
other person you're going on a date with as what are they getting?
You know, is it salad? Okay, what might do a salad, right?
Or are we doing surfing turf? Okay, cool. Let's turn it up then.
Do surfing turf.
>> J. Steven: Right.
>> Free Green: Um, so that's kind of how I do it. But then also,
also, I always bring my
own cash because in
the event that, um,
it's not going how I wanted to go,
I'mnn say, check, please pay for my half and get
up out of there. So just some, um, initial
thoughts.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right.
I mean, go.
>> Nia Adams: For me, it has always been standard that the guy
pays for the first date, but also the guy is typically the one
who invites me out for the first date. So it's kind of
like that's the person who initiated the
date and it kind of goes along with it. I
typically am not the one asking out for the first date. So in
my experience it's always been the guy paying.
>> Anthony Weaver: Okay. I mean that I
think my oh
quote.
>> Raima Carpenter: I was going toa say if you are not a traditional
woman, do not try to act like he should be
traditional too. I think that is
um, I think about
from the perspective of uh, you know, my
boys and how would I want them to interact people
now I do want them to be in a position to
provide financially and I do appreciate that.
Um, I also think
women should pursue men um, not
that there's zero times that you might be, you know, women might not
be the one to ask somebody else. Maybe if you do
then I would say expect to pay uh if I I mean
I haven't been on a first date in like decades
because I'm married. But um, if I
asked him to go somewhere um, I
would do so within my budget and I would expect to pay.
>> Anthony Weaver: Things.
>> J. Steven: May I hop with a few opinions? Um, I was
going to be quiet because I fel like this question for an
like unnecessarily has the black community in a chokehold. I don't know
why but like every three months we're like who should
pay for the date? And like that he
doesn't do this and if you don't make him his plate
they're like these don't forget the 50
like we really can't get past and I don't know
why we think there needs to be this like monolithic like we
all agree this what needs to get done because no two
relationships are right. Having said that,
I think the for the first date
but it also took me
um time to feel comable comfortable
with what I would accept for first date. So
I know this is go going toa be ironic
maybe I did not think coffee was the first
dayate I now do. It took me a minute to get there
um, because I I've been
working in big corporate
companies when I was earlier in my dating life
and these companies we had coffee all
the time for free and we had like
coffee for work meetings. So
when someone would ask me on a coffee date
for me it was just automatically make me think of work.
That person didn't know that that was not their fault. It was
not their responsibility to deal with
like the PTSD from work that I'm carrying where
the scent of hazelnut makes me go like u.
I had to realize and this is why therapy
growth is helpful. I had to realize
like coffee is legitimate first date. It
helps you get time to know someone and then
get in and out. Um and because of that
I dated when I was in my early 20s.
Um, and because I was. I'm from the south, my family'from the south, and
we have this whole notion that you're, like, you're supposed to be married young. And then
I'm glad I didn't get married young. It was,
um. And so I took a long gap from dating. I mean, so long
that I'm quite sure I would qualify to be on, like, one of these reality shows where
they dramatically say, like, never had a relationship in 10
years. Like, that would always be the caption under me whenever I came on
screen. So when I finally started putting myself back out there and
dating and working on, like, uh, this is
black only dated. No, no, you can stay winning
here. Welme
all. Um,
we. When I finally put myself back out there, I said I would do the
coffee and everything, and it's been perfectly fine, and I've enjoyed
it because it's really not about, like, how much someone spends. It's
about the chance to get to talk to someone, get to know some things.
And in the time it takes you to finish coffee, you can decide, like, h.
Do I want to linger and act like I'm still drinking this coffee, or
can I just, like, book it and head out and say, ah, you know, I
got somewhere to go? Um, also, one thing
a guy did that I was like, now, that was a so of flex. Um,
this was many, many years ago.
But, um, I knew the
check was coming. I've had one guy who went out of his way to let me
know. Like, he picked the check up. Let's say this was the check when it came
to the table, and he tapped it in the center of the table and said, now what
do we do about this? Mind you.
Mind you, this one of the worst dates I could give y'all. This is not
about me. But, like, we have a whole episode. The top 10 worst dates I've
had. This was our first day. This guy,
and he did this at a happy hour date
where we only, like, the total bill was $15.
>> Anthony Weaver: He really.
>> J. Steven: And m. He ate almost all the food off my meal on my plate. I
was starving. And. And
then, um,
I met him because I repaired his ha.
>> Nia Adams: Red flag.
>> J. Steven: So I knew he had.
Wait, I teach your taxes, sir.
>> Raima Carpenter: I know you.
>> J. Steven: And so I was like, if we have to do something, then we
could split these $15. Like, here's 10.
And even the server looked at us like, she looked like,
um. So that was one where it was like, red flag. Then the
Green flag if you have one to like, oh wait, here I have a
green flag that we can fly
across. Not
saying men have to do this, but I was like that was subtle. It
was this guy. We went to um, some restaurant, a nice
restaurant for lunch and after we
finished eating, I kept sitting there thinking like the bill hasn't come. But
I didn't want to be rude and say, you know, we need to leave.
He evented and then he said, are you ready to go? And I said, uh, yeah, but we
haven't paid like I. We died in a d. And you know, I
get um. And he
said, oh no, before we got
here I. He just said he called and put his card
on file. Or like he conveniently went to the
restroom at some point and said, you know, this is for our table
and cashed out. And I never even saw the bill. I said, oh,
now that was smh. Not saying guys need to do that. Not trying to put
that pressure out there. I'm just saying those are very opposite extremes
of the. I'm going to put this bill in front of you. Make sure you see it
versus the. You don't have to worry about this. My, I want to just take
care of you tonight.
>> Anthony Weaver: Oh man.
Okay,
that opens up then like, you know, on these dates a lot
of guys will say, well what do you bring to the table
then? You know, and I always thought
about it as a sidear. Uh, uh, it was like I would
never ask that because I didn't have anything to bring
to table. Why you have legs to put on the table like
what you. I was like, because my first
date, it was like you go to the park and
walk around that was free. Like so I'm here for the free
stuff. Uh, you know, if it was a coupon or
groupon or something.
>> Joy Coffee: Well, you know, I think social media has really put a crutch on
um, dating, right? Has really taken the simplicity out of
dating. Really made it that we have to go to these five star
restaurant to really be on top. To not even. You
don't even know the individual to even say that if it's quote unquote,
even if it's worth to be with this individual, not to say the person
is worthy but it. Social media has really
put this big crush and put this facage that hey, we
must do this. The simplicity is the best because this is where you
get to know the individual. Going to the park, going to the coffee.
I remember listening to this panel and the guy says, you know, uh,
I. If you If I got to take you to a coffee that. If I
got to take you on the coffee, then I guess I'm not worthy, you're
not worthy or something like that. And of course,
everybody has answers. Everybody has some type of,
you know, they have everything. Which guy got the second
thing?
>> Raima Carpenter: Friend?
>> Nia Adams: That's a question.
>> Joy Coffee: Yeah, you want to answer?
Go ahead, Jay.
>> J. Steven: I'm putting it in the comments interrupt
you Jo. Uh, go
ahead. But I put it in the.
>> Joy Coffee: Oh, no, you're good. It was just to bounce off with Anthony. You know, it's just.
I think social media is really a strong player in this
where it's really just taking the simplicity out of a
simple relationship. People think they have to and that's where it
goes back. Who should pay, you know, where. You know,
now you have these people who just, um, I'm not
men per se because I'm heterosexual. No, no
offense to, you know, to my Alphabet people. But
it's really just, hey, no, they want to feel like
they want to say, sit on the same throne. And
it's. It's not that, you know, it's like, why can't we
just go out and enjoy. It's okay. I mean,
but like free say, hey, inna make sure I'm
taken care of. So decide if you want to go left. You
could play the fool if you want to. You can end up vi by yourself. I'm
out the door. But again, you know, it's really
just taking the. Some social media has taken the simplicity out
of simple things that were relationship. I mean,
going on a date is what it looks like. Just enjoy the
individual. People don't talk. Like, now I know you all probably saw
with Halie and her boyfriend, I guess whatever
situationship they broken up. It's like, come
on, did y all even thought about being with, you know,
being together? Here it is. It's like, now we made a baby,
now we're not together. It's almost like the norm and it's.
You want us as people to accept that. So
it's like really just going backwards.
>> Free Green: Yeah, I think I.
>> Nia Adams: That it's based on the person. I don't feel any pressure
to do any of those things. I'm
definitely a do me type of person. And with each
relationship, I don't need anybody to tell me
what role is whose role. And I do
it based off, like we decide what we're going to
do. But I agree with Jay, like, it's the
5050 conversation. It'what are you bringing to the
table? It's the first date. It's
the um, I'm trying to think of the
top, the top five U uh,
just hot topics that are so controversial and to me
honestly it's just another way to divide.
>> Joy Coffee: Oh yeah, big time.
>> Free Green: Yeah, I'll say if, if a guy asked me
what I bring to the table on our first date,
that lets me know that you are chronically online
and you're probably tuned into some
podcasts that I don't watch and
so we probably ain't compatible
do together. Because my
answer is going to be I am the table, the
legss, the napkins,
like all the things. And that it's not from a
perspective of like, oh, I'm just this independent woman
because I've had my, my uh, personal
evolution with that phrase as well.
But it just lets me know that like we're not starting
off from the same place intellectually
and like our intentions and while we're having this first D.
>> Nia Adams: Personally, I completely agreeely.
>> De Dee Patterson: Yeah, if I had a red flag, I would be pointing
it. If a guy said that is a big red flag.
He's not ready for a relationship.
Because one of the biggest parts of
falling in love is what can you do for the other person? Like you
should be thinking about what are you doing for the other person.
But if he's me focused, he just seems like
a selfish guy and it's not going to go well in
marriage or any type of long term relationship. So
that's just a big red flag of a guy is what are you going to do for me?
He has a wrong attitude for falling in love and being
in a relationship.
>> J. Steven: So.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah, we got a comment from Erica. She said I'm
good with the ice cream dates. Like.
>> Free Green: I have a running joke on um, my YouTube channel that like I'm
an ice cream connoisseur. So I like ice cream
dates, coffees. I'm very adventurous. Like, let's go
skydive. Like I want to get to the point where I
can observe you and understand like how you
are in addition to the conversation. But I learned more through
observation because uh, you could tell me anything but I want to be
able to see how you are in certain scenarios and
situations.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah.
So what are some, some good places for dates then?
You know, especially in 2024.
>> Nia Adams: I think it depends on the person. Um, it's
a matter when you're having those initial conversations you can find a little
bit about each other and you'll pick something that will
resonate with both of you all. You know, typically you have Those get to know
you conversations, you know, before you go out
the first time. That's the perfect time to figure out oh,
oh, she likes museums. We can go to the museum.
>> De Dee Patterson: O she.
>> Nia Adams: You know what I mean? Like something that relates to the people and
not what society feels like.
>> Anthony Weaver: You should go PR Gotcha.
Nobodra. O that's Somebody said the
library.
All right. So you know, because
coming to like some of these adventure dates
and stuff like that, do you feel like, I mean obviously you get to know a little
bit more about the person but also how do they show up for the
event because they know where they going at versus like you go to a
identner date. They might look nice, you know, from waist
up, but down bottom, the shoes
ain't shoing in the um, pants ain'tucking or
something. You know. How do you.
You gaue that as well? Like did they really prepare? Did they go
out, you know the R was the REI
and get some hiking boots or something like that for, for the
hike or did they go to Nike
outlet to get some shorts for you? I mean did
they give you a water bottle when you show up? Like
would those things be a green flag for you?
No. Adventurous dates.
>> Nia Adams: I think they will show their into it. If they like
if they bring supplies and things for me for whatever
activity we're doing. I feel like they put some thought and we're being
considerate of me. They could have showed up
with nothing. Like you ready?
>> Joy Coffee: Right?
>> Nia Adams: I.
>> Free Green: That's a bonus. You got a good attitude.
If you got a good attitude attitude about it in terms of
like you're excited to meet me. I'm excited to meet you. Like I'm excited
to get to know you and the vibes is the
same. Like you show with water. Okay, cool. So
like let's go do. Let's go have fun. Let's go do what we about to do
and because particularly when it comes to adventure stuff and
like with a little bit of competition because I'm not
super competitive. So I oftentimes like to go on
competitive dates to see like are you going to let me
win or are you going toa try to like
really win? Because I'm like m.
Yeah, you got it. I'm not that
soe.
>> Nia Adams: Yeah, I don't like movie dates for a first date.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah, you can't talk on them.
>> Nia Adams: Yeah, exactlyactly. That's the point. You
can't ah talk. So we just sitting in the movie.
>> Raima Carpenter: I talked during movies. That would be bad for me.
>> Nia Adams: Uh, yeah, I'm Pretty sure people in the movie
theater might have a problem with it.
>> De Dee Patterson: Yeah, I like fun dates because it
just puts you in a'relaxing. You're not like all
stf. So any type of fun date is good. I
saw the library. I don't know about that because you can't.
Again, you can't really talk in that one. And I actually
like restaurant dates. I know some people are like, oh, that's too
boring. But you get to talk to them and get to know
them. And that's like one of the
biggest, most important thing about, um, dating is getting to
know another person. I like that you can do that in a restaurant.
So anything fun and relaxing because
you just. That's what we have to get people to do is to relax
and not be so, like, nervous. And those fun
dates is a way to get people to relax.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah.
And before you even get to the dating, because
deed dee I'mn to lean into your strong su
here, which is setting up that online profile for
these apps. So, you know, since
you're like the queen of setting up these apps,
can you give the people that are listening right
now, uh, some kind of takeaways
that they can kind of enhance their online
presence for dating?
>> De Dee Patterson: Yes. I love this topic.
Are the things. So the main things I
say is when we talk about
pictures, dress your best. I know some women
think, oh, you should see me in my natural environment
or something. No, just like an interview. Just
look your best. Have dresses, nice
clothes, and then have a body
shot and a face shot.
So make guys, they want to see your body, so
they, they want to know what you really look like.
Also have a face shot. Some of the profiles I
looked at, one of the first things I saw, it was like,
you're frowning, you look mean. So make sure your
pictures are smiling. Make sure you look nice and friendly.
So guys want to pick you. And
the biggest mistake I'm seeing in a
bio is that they're
too negative. Like, they would start up, I
don't want any guy who does this. I don't want any guy who does that.
Use your filters instead of putting
those words because you just seem like a negative person.
So a lot of no smoking, no short guys,
no, none of this. And that just turns guys off. But,
uh, when you're talking in a positive way, this is who I am
and this is what I'm looking for.
The things you want instead of I don't want this,
I't, um, that makes a profile
better. And the women who, once I change their profile
from the no smoker. Know this, know this. And I
change it to a more positive one. They're getting way more
quality matches. So that's the biggest
mistake I'm seeing when I see people's
profiles.
>> Anthony Weaver: Wow. Well, thank you for that one
because, you know, I hit a lot of people trying to
utilize these platforms. I could tell you that I was negative
from my tender profile.
>> Nia Adams: Say Erica comment is clutch.
>> Anthony Weaver: Which say comment is very important.
>> Nia Adams: This one, I can't tell you how many men they got their high
school football pitcher on their
profile. So you are 50.
>> Anthony Weaver: That is o make sure you're.
>> Nia Adams: That is not you. I don't know who that man is, but it is not
you anymore.
>> De Dee Patterson: Yes. Make sure the pictures are current. That's a big
one. It is. Yeah.
>> Joy Coffee: But they apps, aren't they the abs anymore it.
So they become more of a business. You know,
people are solicening, they're asking for things. You're
genuinely going on there trying to hopefully you could match
find that mate or hopefully that mate find you. But in
reality, this person is an entrepreneur hoping that they could find some type
of call girl or you know, quote unquote, trafficking. You
know, they set it up very nice. You know, that's the
catch. Right, Right. And it's
really. You're not on here for that.
>> Nia Adams: Agree.
>> Joy Coffee: But that's what it's turning over. And now apps are
making people pay because with the intent of paying,
you would think you will get quality people. Right.
But entail people just pay hoping that they can find
more in a certain, um, certain area
outside of dating. So me personally, I, um, am
not the person for the app. So I mean the data apps
to me is completely just, it's gone bonkers.
And nowadays and excuse me, um, you know, I'm not a
cursor, but I guess I just want to call the FBC the fuck boy
coalition. It's like,
you know, they really trying to find when you are a
woman, you know what you have, you know what you already have, you know, and
I'm not saying, hey, I'm up here looking for Benzo, whatever,
not I am but you know, hey, at least let us
come equal. You know, I'm not trying to get over on you and I'm hoping that
you're not trying to get over on me and a lot of men. I'm not saying
it's all but a lot of men are um, on there hoping that they could find the e
scapegoat. They're trying to see if they could stay with Someone
seeing, hey, how can I get this and get there? And
then even to go back to what you were saying dei, about,
you know, people being negative, it's like to me, I'm thinking it is in the
reverse. I'm trying to cut all this bull out. I'm not trying to waste your
time, you know, and sometimes some people don't know how to transfer the words
for the positive. Right? I don't want nobody four feet,
you know, I don't want you fat. I know I'm a plus size girl. I want you
big. You know, I don't got no problems, you know, I don't want you smoking,
so I just don't want you wasting my time, you know, because
not everyone can't afford a coach, right? So they just trying to go
out there, like, look, just bypass me with all that, you know,
and the ab really have taken.
>> De Dee Patterson: Huh, huh.
>> Nia Adams: I agree with that. Be yourself. Because
if you change in who you are just to get chose,
then once you meet, you're not going to be the person that you presented
yourself to be. You're going to be somebody different. So that was just a waste of
both of your time.
>> De Dee Patterson: M right person.
>> Nia Adams: Show yourself.
>> De Dee Patterson: Yeah, definitely be yourself.
About the, um, you want to put the nose
and stuff, but my client say exact
samething. No, I need to put the. No smoking. I need to.
And then when I switched it up for them, they're like, oh,
wow, I'm getting really quality. Because they don't
realize how much that negative stuff is just like,
even, like, let me give you an example. Like, and I think,
Anthony, um, I'm telling on you. So if you like no
woman with a wig, and even if you don't have a wig,
you're going to be like, I just don.
>> J. Steven: I got a wig today.
>> Anthony Weaver: You sure did.
>> Nia Adams: Mind is to me, that tells me where your mind
is.
>> De Dee Patterson: Even if you don't have it just like deterred, you re like, oh, I.
>> J. Steven: Don'T want to deal with that person.
>> De Dee Patterson: But anyway, Anthony, you want to tell your story?
>> Anthony Weaver: Oh, my God.
>> De Dee Patterson: Sorry, I'm calling you out.
>> Anthony Weaver: Thank you. Uh, so my
profile, my tender profile, when I had it, um,
um, I said, like, no wigs,
uh, uh, little to no makeup,
no kids. I said, what else I put on
there? And I had some other
things. So it was like, just weird. And then I got a lot
of hate messages, of course. And I'm like, well, you could
have just kept moving, like, just kept swiping. What? You took the
time out to respond to my message.
>> De Dee Patterson: But you didn't say that. Your wife didn't read it. And that's the only
reason you still.
>> Anthony Weaver: That's all the reason why. Yeah, why?
Whyife? Did I read it?
>> J. Steven: I. Please.
>> Raima Carpenter: I was going toa ask that because yourife.
>> De Dee Patterson: Isay.
>> J. Steven: How old were you when you made these posts?
>> Anthony Weaver: Uh, let's see. I was
33. Fresh on the market
around that time frame.
>> J. Steven: Okay. And I know this is, like, putting you in
the hot seat. Anthony knows love is.
I am not trying to call you out, especially on your own show.
Haveier Gus here.
Um, what made you think something was wrong
with makeup or wigs or
anything? Like, like, I'm saying that because I'm pointing to, you
know, makeup today.
So what made you think that
was an issue? And this is safe space. Whatever you say.
I.
>> Anthony Weaver: No, it's a safe space, but also,
it'it's. On the Internet, too.
It's cool. Uh, but y'all got the red flags
ready? You know what?
>> J. Steven: I'm going to give you look, I'm going to give you a
pink flag.
>> Nia Adams: There you go.
>> Anthony Weaver: You go.
>> Nia Adams: There you go.
>> J. Steven: As y all can tell, like, pink. But also, just
because I know you, I've seen who you are
now, so that's why I'm like, fall.
Like, um, so
what made you think that, like, Wes
m excessive makeup, nails. Like, what made you think that would be
something you were not attracted? You, like, you had a bad experience. You were,
you know, hanging out with somebody and they wig knocked off or like
an ey you woke up on an eyelash next to your pillow or
something. Like, what were the situations that got
you?
>> Anthony Weaver: Where's the trau coming from? Where the trauma come from?
Um, u. It was my prior relationship. That's what it was.
And it was just kind of seeing
the amount of effort that was going
into the look, and I was like,
um, um, it's just
me. Like, you know, I don't. I don't look for all of
this extra stuff. But then she was like, well, I do it for
me, for herself. And I was like, it took me
a while to understand that, but then I was like, you know, when I
got done with that relationship, I was like, I just don't
want to deal with it at all. So.
But, you know, I had to get it that some people
are different, and some people like it, some people
don't. I mean, but to me, I'm as. I'm
older now. You know me, it's like, I can chill
with you all day, so it's Cool.
>> J. Steven: Yes. Okay. See, and, and that's the
maturation. It's the same way I didn't want to do coffee
dates. I'm like, if you take me on a coffee date, he's not the man for me
because the PTSD I had and the fact
that it had nothing to do with that guy and
as you said, he might in your case, she was doing all of
that for herself. Um, and let's be real, at some
point, you liked it because you initially saw her. She had all
of that on you stuck around. That's when the guy
asked me on a coffee day. He wasn't saying like, I want to make you
think about work all the time. I'm m trying to pull on your
triggers. He didn't even know that about me. I wasn't giving him a chance to know
that about me. I was holding in the trauma I
had. I also think it's, um, we mentioned
social media before, um, that
people have just these
unrealistic expectations your pockets won't agree with.
>> Nia Adams: They had a good name.
>> J. Steven: It really had nothing to do with money. Caus you know, Starbucks dreams can run
you a little something. Depends on what you order. Um,
it. Social media
just becomes like whatever, for whatever reason, the guide by
which we say something's a healthy relationship or not. I
think that there's this idea of like
how someone should look and what dates we should go
on. Um, because you want to have it postw worthy
and you can have a lot of really
great pictures, but your relationship, your life,
the trust, the communication, the respect for you have is in
shambles and there's no filter for that. And so
you're sitting here trying to like force something to work off the
strength of I want it to look like something.
And this is what I think should be like how women are like, he's
got to be six foot three. Okay, girl, but you don't like to wear
high heels like you're
five too. So like, maybe it's
okay if he's not 60. So
it's just kind of like understanding that there's so
much more that will make a relationship work
beyond the appearance.
And I think what people constantly circle back to
is like they're trying to find a no as opposed to trying to find a
yes. I'm also very guilty of this. Again, not trying to give dating
advice. Just like advice on. I'm
very guilty of having to remind myself, do not
take an easy exit out. Don't be like, oh, that one
time. Keep blink three times in a Minute
y. Like, I'm out. I'm out. That
be me was so goodest.
Or it was like I. It could be absolutely
nothing wrong. There are a few things that I'm just going toa say no to. I will
say, if they're missing that tooth on the side, I will find myself
just staring at it because I'm just kind of like,
h. So do we not have dental insurance? And are we not
taking care of our health?
>> Anthony Weaver: Which means care of yourself?
>> J. Steven: Are you taking care of me? Cause like, how are
you going to bring a family into when you can't even handle
your own dead bones coming out your gums?
But again, things you have to just like, I might just look at
it. Unfortunately, I haven't had that. I think people tend to be getting
their teeth nowadays big, so there's not that breeze going through the side. Y'all
know that one.
>> Anthony Weaver: I know you're talking about to be.
>> J. Steven: Missing in people's mouths.
>> Anthony Weaver: I know. Talking about
always keep my. My dental records available.
I accidentist for, uh, u. Uh, you know,
mo mold. Fun stuff. But
anyway, anyway, back to the topic.
Uh, you know, where do you
actually get your dating advice? I'mn harp on you rahema
for this one, because you got a couple little ones out there
and, you know, you provided them some dating advice, showing them good
examples. Where did you get your examples
from?
>> Raima Carpenter: Um, I probably got my examples from a whole lot of what not
to do. Uh,
so I think it's really important to date your values.
Uh, so. So values are the things that are going to underpin
your decision making. So in. In
leadership coaching, uh, surprisingly,
the personal life stuff still comes up. That's why I say personal
and leadership coach. Like it's that holistic thing. And so
in my coaching practice, I do come across,
uh, people sharing stuff. What's going on, their dating, um,
maybe marital problems. Right. Just different stuff that come
up. And so, um, typically I'm
asking, you know, well, what information do you need
to make a decision? Right. I don't necessarily tell people what
to do. If somebody asks me, then I'll caveat it and
say, well, I'm coming from the
perspective of that. Like, I am a, um, I would say, like,
you know, a historical Christian. Right. Um,
and so, you know, you're going to hear something a little bit different when it comes to
restrictions and dating. That being said for my
kids, um, I don't want my kids
to ask somebody else what they bring to the
table. Uh, but I'm going to.
And, and really, that's a question that I
reserve for women because what I'm finding is
with my mid-20s, um, which is
about the youngest of my coaching clients are mid-20s, so like
25, 26. They're
operating from the perspective that they don't, they don't have to do
anything. Right. It's like the guy this, the guy
that. And so it just out of curiosity, like what is
it you bring to the table? And it is a really
offensive question. Um, I met this young
woman, um, not, not a client of mine, but she
was um, like Instagram pretty.
Like look like she's filtered but she's not wearing the,
the little shorts with the ruching up the behind.
Um, and so for some marketplace, um, um, that
don't come. I don't want my kids bringing that home. But like for
somewhere else, you know, you're kind of
stereotypical pretty. Um, um. And, and I asked her that. She's
like ah, all this. And she was kind of joking. But
like what was clear to me is that she hadn't reflected on that.
Now I'm not saying that these women don't have anything to bring to
the table. I'm just saying that you should
to did Dee's point earlier talking about men asking that same
question, you know, for to reflect on that and being what is it that I'm
going to bring to the table? What am I, you know, you
know, I'm a great partner in this way. I can support you doing
this. Um, I want for, for my
kids to first understand who they are.
Uh, uh, before u. Um, like I want
them to have outward expressions of who they are, not putting on things
from other people. So again being grounded in their, in their
values. Um, um. Because ah,
again like learning from what not to do. Right've I've been
in a relationship before where uh, you know,
really, you know, crush to my. My spirit and
my confidence and uh. And I don't want for my kids to go through
that same thing. U. Um, and then
uh, uh, as far as like the rest is like, it's like
how do you guys interact with each other? Uh uh,
for initial dating, um, um, like the initial dates,
like I can't really speak to that. But as far as being in a relationship, how
do you navigate conflict? Um, what is your desired
outcome? If you're having a maybe um,
a contentious conversation, what is your, you know, when you walk away from
the end of that conversation, what do you want to achieve?
And having that end in mind will help filter
what you say in that Conversation. Um, do you want to
win or do you want to be happy at the
end? And so, um, those are some things that come m to mind
for, uh, thoughts around dating.
>> Anthony Weaver: Gotcha. Thank you for that one. Because, I
mean, you know, we all got toa learn from somebody. I think it
was not John Mayer. What was it?
One of those songs. I'm bad with songs. Ne. You know, I'm
bad with songs. I ain'tnn try it.
Yeah, yeahe not or
no. He was like, fathers, learn from your daughter's
daughter.
>> J. Steven: That's John Mayor.
>> Anthony Weaver: John, uh, Mayer. Okay.
>> Raima Carpenter: You said John Mayor.
>> J. Steven: He said, I definitely heard
John Legend. And you know what?
Uh, if I could, I'll put myself in my corner,
say red flag for
list skills. So I would put myself in time out over
there. I'm just put on you and
John Mayer'a great song, though. That song gona happen feeling
when it gets to the bridge.
>> Anthony Weaver: Uh, and that's why I said, I can't remember the song, but it gets to that.
It's giving me those vibes. Uh, so
free.
You know, when it comes to the
dating pool, how do you feel,
um, about,
you know, single fathers?
>> Free Green: Oh, that's actually a really good question. So,
um, I personally don't have any kids. I'm in my
mid-30s, and I
have dated and will date a
gentleman that has two is
my max. Um, and
oftentimes in social media, we talk about the number.
But what's most important to me is that one,
the relationship that he has with the kids.
Because if you are a present father, that goes
a long way with me. And not just present from the perspective
of, like, oh, I'm paying child support. That
ain't enough for me, and I'm not even ma.
So'like are you showing up the games?
Do they. Do you have an act? Like, do you play an
active role in their life? Um,
because that is important. Because should. Should
we have, you know, kids and
blend the family? I want to know that you have a
track record of activess.
>> J. Steven: Right?
>> Free Green: Um, and then what's also really important
is the relationship that you have with their mother.
Um, I for. So I'll give you a quick
story. So I went to
lunch. Um, this wasn't a day I just happened to
meet thetleman while I was treating myself to a solo
lunch one day. And we got to talking,
and, um, he mentioned that he had a daughter who was around 8
years old. And I was like, oh, okay. And
then he. He proceeded to
say, like, he couldn't stand his
child's mother, she like made him sick and was
just disparaging her. And I was like,
do you talk about your mother that
way? Right? And they kind of caught him
off guard because up until that point the conversation was flowing.
But for me that was like, mentally.
And I guess he, he thought that I was
goingna like, oh, yeah. And I'm like,
no, sweetie. So u.
Um, you know, that conversation didn't go
much further. But those are kind of the two things
that I look at. And then also what's kind of helpful
for me is to understand the age because if your child
is two months,
it's gonna be a no, right?
>> J. Steven: So, yeah, the saying
if you. If the baby's under, under
two, y'all ain't through.
>> De Dee Patterson: For me, black
girl mmm.
>> Nia Adams: For me, my daughter's 23, so I
don't want to be under 5. Uh,
my daughter is grown. I'm not looking to start
over. If we're looking to get in relationship, your
children are packag j the same thing. If you're not active in your
children's lives or have a positive impact in their life, we
can't date. There's nothing we can
do. Um, but that's going to
be a point for me in the relationship
because like I said, um, I'm an empty
nester. So that's something I
have to consider. This young, like you
said, under two. They not through, um, and
just things that a child needs at that age.
Homework, pick up
hairstyles. Um, if I'm taking on this relationship with you, this
means I'm going toa be doing hair. I'm. You know what I mean. If
we're talking about getting together and we date for long term, so those
are things that I have to consider
do I want to do that and I
don't.
>> Raima Carpenter: I think this is a great question, Anthony. Um,
so I will share. Um,
I swore, uh, after the last, after getting
divorced that um, that I was going to marry for
money and inst said I
married a soldier with four kids.
And so I had one child from previous marriage, he
had four. And ah. And so now
those, the fourth of those ones, um,
just finished high school. Mine, uh,
that I came into the marriage with, uh, is now in high
school. And then we have a surprise, um,
baby who, who's seven. So a
huge um, age range for the kids. But
uh, going back to
how they, how the dads interact with
their kids and how they just how they are about their kids. And
I will tell you that that same care extends
to Me. And so I know that I am
a better mother being
with my husband, uh, that I was before he and
I got married. Um. Um. He's also, you
know, like, I'm a bonus mom. He's a bonus dad. You know,
fortunately, our, you know, for all the kids have their other
parents and all of that. So, um, you know, we're in a good situation
there. But, uh, it's tough when you talk about
what kind of filters you're going to put in place. And that's why I say, you know. Re going back
to dating values, because you may find yourself dating
somebody that is unexpected.
But then, uh, like, I mean, ll I'll tell you all,
like, I went part. Like, he married a career woman. I went part time
last year. And I have an extra strategy from the workforce. I told my
husband two years ago, I'm like, um, I. I don't want
to work anymore, and I don't want to have any responsibilities
before providing for the household. And he was kind of like, uh,
u. Okay. And, um. And we
partnered together to, you know, to be able to make that happen. And
it'll take total. It will take about four years to make that
happen. Um, but, you know, for somebody else, they
would have filtered him out because he is not six foot tall.
Right. And he has four kids. And, man,
I am incredibly blessed.
I have a wonderful husband who, um. And I'm really
spoiled. I don't know what I would do if something
happens to him. Um,
Dee Dee, there's probably no hope for me. Like, I.
I'll just.
>> Anthony Weaver: You could talk about his cooking if you want to. I mean,
about. You can talk about his cooking if you want to. It's all right.
>> Raima Carpenter: We know he cooks. He does my mil prep. Like, y'all.
It's. I. He's happy. So,
I don't know. You'll have to ask him about it. But, like, I am. I
am super spoiled. Um, I just. The point is
dating your values, um, and being mindful of some of
these other things. Now, if you're somebody who has decided that you don't
want to have kids or however you want to set your boundaries, like, that is
perfectly fine. Like, I am not, um.
>> Anthony Weaver: Um.
>> Raima Carpenter: Don't hear what I'm not saying.
>> J. Steven: Right.
>> Raima Carpenter: I am not shaming that again. It could be just part of, you know,
where you are in your life, that you don't want the responsibility,
uh, of being a parent when that's not your child. Like,
it is a responsibility and free, to your point, like, you
are. You are all coming. Like, you have to take it
all.
>> J. Steven: Anthony.
>> Raima Carpenter: So maybe something for us to talk about later is, um,
maybe like how you do family dates or something like
that. Because that was also, I mean, that was a
key thing in, you know, our dating relationship. So talking
about dates, I'm like, oh, like, you
know, we had very few before
then. We were looking at integrating the family. You.
>> Nia Adams: Yeah, you make a good point. Like me personally, I'm that person. I don't
plan on having any more children. I've made sure that I'm not going to have any
more children. So I know would be no
surprise babies, um, for me. And so
that's why that's a strong consideration for me.
>> De Dee Patterson: So what I believe, um,
I'm going to talk about dating up and again, because I love dating
apps, that you can be picky on a dating
app. So if you don't want a guy with a
kid under two, then you don't have to. Like, there are
so many men out there. I know some people
think dating apps are over, they suck or whatever,
but you really can be picky. And so when
the women that I work with, if they're like, I don't
want a guy with kids, then go ahead and click,
filter out the guy with kids. But you can be as picky
as you want and it's okay. It's whatever your preference
is. When I, um, met my husband, I put no
kids and he didn't have any kids.
>> Anthony Weaver: I.
>> De Dee Patterson: But no kids, never married before and
he popped up. So.
>> Raima Carpenter: And height filters too, right?
>> De Dee Patterson: Matter negative. Yeah, you can put
negative, uh, filters. That's where I recommend you filter it
as they. Not on your bio, but filter as
much as you want. That's how I met my husband.
>> Anthony Weaver: So. So does heighte matter though?
>> De Dee Patterson: Yes, for me.
>> Anthony Weaver: Okay.
>> De Dee Patterson: Oh, we're talking about height.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeaheah. Height.
I know.
>> De Dee Patterson: We had another question. Um, um, yeah, I put over
six, but I'm 510 and I want. I wanted a tall
man.
>> Anthony Weaver: Okay, Anybody else?
>> Joy Coffee: Yeah, height does matter. I want you to be my height or taller
because me looking down my futures, uh, up'full.
>> Nia Adams: For me, height matters, but you don't have to
be super tall. But I wouldn't
want someone like, I'm five four. So just to give it in
perspective. So I would need them to like,
be close to me. I'm okay with looking at you directly.
>> J. Steven: Yeah.
>> Nia Adams: Equal.
>> Joy Coffee: A greater.
>> Nia Adams: Yeah. Okay.
>> J. Steven: So yeah, m. I am Withia.
I'm 5 4. On a good day, my doctor will write
down that I'm 5 5. Because she knows it lo my confidence.
And I'm um, like if you're
5 7ish, I ideally like
5, 8 or above because I wear heels.
And just like I find myself sometimes looking
at that missing tooth. I'll find myself just
looking at the crown of the head. Like I see it
and I don't know why, but I can see it.
And it doesn't matter at all. What we
as explained to me, we are
genetically, we think that someone that's taller is
genetically more inclined to be healthier. Um,
and to. And so you're thinking like you're, you're just
thinking this person is going to be around
and they are going to have good health because for whatever reason
genetics say, um, if you're
taller you can do better. Um, also
it's something that comes up in jobs too. So somewhere I
read that it was like over 95% of
CEOs are over 6ft. Um,
and it's just the thing that's out there.
But those are stereotypes that can be
broken. So I mean I've heard stereotypes
about being, you know, shorter, about being black, about being a
woman and they're not true. So
I agree with having your preference. That is
exactly what you should do. Um, but I'm just saying
we shouldn't blame someone if they do have that preference because
it comes from what's kind of just trained and you have to work
through what, what matters to you. Oh,
and thank you.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeeah, you got some shout.
>> J. Steven: Um, this is a game time decision because I definitely had on a
white shirt. I said I
look very thugnificent right now. So I got rid of
the changeains and pulled on a pink shirt that required no
ironing.
>> De Dee Patterson: All right, I wanted to clarify my answer real quick. So I
said yes, me,
that mattered for me. But there's plenty of the women
that I um, coach are like, oh, I don't care about the
height and that's good for me that was important. It
was because of. I just wanted to walk around with someone taller than
me. But it really does not matter. If I met a really, really
good guy who's just like my husband, a little shorter.
>> J. Steven: He didn't think you were saying like short guys, you know, short key.
>> Joy Coffee: Well Anthony, everybody, it matters to
me. It matters. I'm just asking. Good
Lord, don't let me throw him away. Please don't let me throw.
>> Anthony Weaver: Just pick.
>> Joy Coffee: I know very detail in my
prayers, dear God, but please, it matters to
me.
>> Raima Carpenter: I've definitely dated. Um, so I'm five five the
shortest of dated is five four. Um,
however ah, as um,
as a bodybuilder I
the guys that were shorter were also um,
very muscular and so um, there were
different areas of compatibility in that sense. So I
I and I mean it's again it's been
decades um, since I was really dating
but uh, uh, I did date a lot of
of other um, bodybuilders.
>> J. Steven: May I add one more thing to this?
>> Raima Carpenter: Um.
>> J. Steven: Short men sometimes I say it's not a red flag
it's something that I will look for.
Um, short men sometimes not
always. Sure. Kings don't come at me in these comments.
They can sometimes have a Napoleon complex and
that is the actual turn off.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yes.
>> J. Steven: Not the uh, hype please like
need to conquer and control everything.
And that is
it's similar to like sometimes men who are extremely good
looking for no reason and like
they'll call out weird stuff about like oh
your, your bangs aren't even or like they'll take two
not the bankgs that's just an odd situation.
I'm not saying itthing wrong the extremely good look at Mr. Model
but like
how this shows up in your personality is the red
flag.
>> Anthony Weaver: Hey Renee. Hey Renee's up in
girl right?
Good shout out to the finom family.
>> Nia Adams: So can I address some of the comments?
>> Anthony Weaver: Oh yeah, let's go. I can uh, put him up. Which one you want?
>> Nia Adams: So first he said he asked what muscle
he asked that question.
>> Anthony Weaver: Oh yeah, right.
>> Nia Adams: Um, and then he said six figure six feet.
That's um, um.
>> De Dee Patterson: What do d he say?
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah, six feet and six figures
equals.
>> Nia Adams: And I say and protect that's a lie.
Six figures is nothing nowadays.
>> J. Steven: That is.
>> Nia Adams: Not equal provide no more maybe back in the
day but that does not equal in way back
and your six figures doesn't equate to my six bigures.
>> Anthony Weaver: Just because that part especially
without a budget we know you
need's my
favorite.
>> J. Steven: Wor bud.
>> Raima Carpenter: I probably with I don't know if I'm with the right group of people but
again for my kids I'm less concerned with
how much their partners make than I am about how they steward what they
make so absolutely.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah we say m
right My husbandire.
>> Raima Carpenter: Me.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right since we it s getting into that that dark
time I want to go on and keep it spicy.
It's the last question U uh, let me share
my screen here to kind of kick off the conversation.
>> Nia Adams: I'm so sorry but that last comment.
>> Raima Carpenter: Read read.
>> Joy Coffee: Them short m men who.
>> Nia Adams: Have a Napoleon complex they do be having stubby
fingers.
>> Anthony Weaver: Did I miss the stubby fingers? Oh,
Erica.
>> Nia Adams: Uh, Erica.
>> Anthony Weaver: Oh, Erica.
>> J. Steven: Yes.
>> Anthony Weaver: Okay.
>> De Dee Patterson: She's not l about that.
>> Nia Adams: They do be having those stubby fingers.
>> J. Steven: It is.
>> Nia Adams: I don't know what it is, but until she said that, I
didn't think about that.
>> J. Steven: But, uh.
>> Anthony Weaver: Very true'hilarious
I mean, I don't look at other guy's fingers.
>> J. Steven: I. I'm
you experiences.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right, let me know if y'all can hear this because I've been
working on myself. Y'all watch Sex in the City, right?
>> J. Steven: Please tell me all season the new series.
>> Anthony Weaver: I know, right? It's so good. Um, um.
So anyway, I mean, it's
from season one, so.
>> Raima Carpenter: Man to the ladies room. Love life
with James. Here you are. We've been looking for you everywhere.
So how is everything?
>> Nia Adams: She means of you and James.
>> Raima Carpenter: Done it yet?
>> De Dee Patterson: Mmm. Mhm. And?
>> Joy Coffee: It's nice.
>> Raima Carpenter: I'm so happy for you.
>> Anthony Weaver: Sweetie.
>> J. Steven: What?
>> Anthony Weaver: What? What is it?
>> J. Steven: Nothing.
>> Anthony Weaver: The acting. Hey,
what's going on?
>> De Dee Patterson: Why are you crying?
>> J. Steven: James has a small dick.
>> Raima Carpenter: Oh, well, it's not the end of the world.
>> De Dee Patterson: It's really small.
>> Anthony Weaver: How small?
>> De Dee Patterson: Too small.
>> Raima Carpenter: Well, size isn't everything.
>> De Dee Patterson: Three inches? Well,
hard.
>> Raima Carpenter: Is he a good kisser?
>> De Dee Patterson: Oh, who the fuck cares? His stick is like a
gherkin. It's so terrible.
Listen to me.
>> Anthony Weaver: I'm a bad.
>> Nia Adams: Don't beat yourself up.
>> De Dee Patterson: You had certain expectations and you're disappointed.
Why? Why? Why does he have to
have a small dick? I really like
him.
>> Raima Carpenter: I thought you loved him. Well, oh,
look, we've all been there, that's for sure.
>> Nia Adams: I was once with a guy the.
>> Raima Carpenter: Size of one of those little miniature golf pencils.
>> De Dee Patterson: Couldn't tell if he was trying to.
>> Nia Adams: Fuck me or erase me.
>> De Dee Patterson: I'm sorry.
>> Anthony Weaver: It's funny.
>> De Dee Patterson: Let's not lose perspective. There are ways to
work around this. But I don't want to work around it.
I love a big dick. I love it inside of
me.
>> Raima Carpenter: I love looking at it.
>> De Dee Patterson: I love everything about it.
When I blow him, it's like
nothing. Nothing.
Can you talk to him about it?
>> J. Steven: No.
>> De Dee Patterson: It's the only thing we can't talk about.
>> J. Steven: What am I gonna do?
>> Raima Carpenter: How is he with his tongue?
>> Anthony Weaver: Um. All right, so
what's that?
>> De Dee Patterson: Anthony?
>> Anthony Weaver: Yes.
>> Raima Carpenter: Why'd you do that to me?
>> Anthony Weaver: Okay. Call the k kids
came ca my pearls.
Oayee
expected that, but, uh,
I figured, you know, if we talk about house sizes and all
that stuff like that, does that really matter
to consider? If it's going to go any further
then obviously the third date rule, if you guys
have your rules, does that matter?
To continue on the conversation.
Okay.
>> J. Steven: Anthony, you want us on video in
perpetuity.
Okay.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right.
>> J. Steven: Well bringsh.
>> Anthony Weaver: You sayer. Okay. So he
said help us out. Hey, uh, look, y'all could take phone
calls. Y'all can call in if y'all.
>> J. Steven: He said play the cricket sound.
>> Nia Adams: He said play the cricket sound.
>> Raima Carpenter: Right?
>> Nia Adams: What's up the finance rebel?
>> Anthony Weaver: Hello. My. Yeah, because I yell at K. I was like
yo, thanks for u leaving uh, me hanging.
That's cool.
>> Nia Adams: What you got your response,
right?
>> Raima Carpenter: My uh, um, I for.
Okay. For my 14 year old. We have
not talked about about this specifically
but um, she has heard
probably more detail than she would care to.
Um, but that her virtue matters
and it's a beautiful thing to, to
preserve for her future husband and to have him in
mind. Um, because she may. She's going to want
to and it's natural for her to want to. Right now she's
still kind of grossed out by it, but as a 14 year old, like
your body is designed to want to and that's okay.
But I, but the optimal for you to choose not
to and then we're praying that your future husband is
also waiting for you. And then if
you, if you don't um,
engage before a marriage, then it
wouldn't matter. Uh, something to keep in mind
too is that if you have more than five
partners, women that, that can impact your ability to
pair bar. And so there are
um, long term psychological
consequences of choosing to
engage in the behaviors. Just because men can do whatever women can do,
whatever men can do. Um, I will add on to that from a
Christian worldview that 100% um, um, you
know, God can restore your virtue. I
don't mean your physical body, but certainly your ability to bond with your
potential husband. So with your future husband. So u.
Um, it's not like, you know, all doom and
gloom, but there are consequences to these
choices. I'll leave it at
that.
>> Anthony Weaver: Okay. Thank you for being brave to
take that one on.
So well,
guess this is coming to the last part of the
show. Uh, I do want to first thank you all for coming
on to this lovely panel. Please give a round of
applause to yourselves
and then I do want to give a round applause to
everybody for,
for showing up today. Thank you guys. The audience, you guys
been great. Um, let's give a shout out to
all the folks. Let's see, we got Dr. S.
Great person. I think we met a couple times. I Think
con. Um, as
Cash would Mark. I haven't. I don't think
I've probably met in person. I can't think of. Can't bring
a face right now. Shout out to
Erica. We got
Hugo Kamari. Thanks for
coming through. Defin a Gott Check his show if you haven't
already. Um, um, who else we had up in here?
We had Lisa J. Stocks, who talks about stocks
a lot. And, oh,
Renee. We have Renee. And then
also Paula. Paula was in
here with. Talk us with
Paula.
>> Nia Adams: Okay.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah, she's big in a podcasting
aren. She's like, all over the place.
Um, um, so do you want to say that?
Thanks, everybody. And before we go,
definitely got to let everybody know where you guys are from,
how they can keep in touch. Who wants to go first? Oh, it looks like
it's free.
>> Free Green: Well, thank you so much for having me. And, um, um, you
can Find me on YouTube at Gage street
society against your financial safe space, talking about
all things money and you.
>> Anthony Weaver: Awesome.
>> J. Steven: Take your ass to bed.
>> Nia Adams: It's time for me to go be with you guys.
>> Anthony Weaver: Okay''play some. Play some
outro music so we can, um.
>> Nia Adams: You won't be a finome. I remember how.
>> J. Steven: Huh?
>> Anthony Weaver: Uh,
all right, so next, let's see, we, uh, got
joy.
>> Joy Coffee: Where you all can find me at coffee with Joy.
Again, talk to podcast.
If you love to be a guest.
>> J. Steven: Please make sure that you.
>> Joy Coffee: Or you can email us at the coffee.
>> Anthony Weaver: Awome
cheeky. There we
goa.
>> Raima Carpenter: Um, Carpenter, you can find me on
Instagram at ohawks and pearls. You can shoot
meemailhawl.do.com.
i am a personal and leadership coach.
>> De Dee Patterson: About all the things in your professional.
>> Raima Carpenter: And personal life and make sure that your goals are aligned with your
values.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right, thank you, Kamar, for letting me know
the sound was too high. Uh, sorry about that,
Jay. Get you your, ah, air horns as your outro
as well. As always.
>> J. Steven: Thank you. Thank you all. I enjoyed this panel with you all.
You have, uh, really great advice and perspective, so
thanks for let me be part of it. I am Jay Steven.
You can find me on Instagrams at
richge, like mymelanin and then my website,
rl mm, which is the acronym of rich. Like my
melanin. Rlmmfinancial m dot
com.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right, thank you,
Dee Dee.
>> De Dee Patterson: So the best place to find me is on
Facebook. If you do a search for love and
dating secrets, I pop right up. And I
do like a Monday live every
Monday. A lot of good information.
And if you want to find me on Instagram, Ded
Patterson with a 0 instead of O because someone
took the o. So that's where you can find
me.
>> Anthony Weaver: All right, last but not
leastep, I'm.
>> Nia Adams: Um, Nia Adams, the Money Moves motivator. You can find me right
here on YouTube at Money Perspectives.
Um, the executive founder of Perspectives, a financial
education brand. And I drop a video
every Tuesday.
>> Anthony Weaver: You're author?
>> Nia Adams: I'm an author, speaker,
consultant. I do a lot of things.
>> Anthony Weaver: Yes, a lot of things.
All right, everybody, I want to just thank you all so much for
this. This has been an awesome opportunity. Uh,
ladies, if you don't mind holding on once I play the
outro, just want to say thank you again. Um,
and thank you, everybody. And please, if you
haven't already, leave, uh, some comments.
And I'LOOK forward to actually having more panels like this.
So let us know, uh, if this is something that you guys
would like to see more of, I can bring on more people.
Hopefully, I will not be the only guy this
time around to talk about dating
and having this fun time by myself.
All right, thank you all. Have a good one.
We out. Peace. Hold on.