Ah Hello, Hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora. And I'm very excited to

have Phil Lunia. Today with me

by my real name today,

he's filling by his real name. And if you don't know what limb

year means it means the best. And so far what I've learned

from Phil, he's been the best. He's a super host. He's a super

interview guest. I guess I'll find out today. And he's a big

dog out there when it comes to podcasting. And yeah, I'm just

very excited to get him to know a little better and for his

audience to get him to know a little deeper and Yeah,

everybody's gonna benefit here. Phil, how did your story start?

I know that a lot of people who are out there supporting others,

doing podcasting, have a story that led to that career. Start

out with, with your youth or maybe your childhood, wherever

you want to start.

Alright, well, we'll go back about go back about 30 years.

Let's go back then. Just I grew up in a relatively very happy in

my, my childhood was like ideal, if you will, we did move around

a lot. I moved from Montreal. I'm originally from Montreal,

Quebec, Canada, moved to Prince Edward Island. When I was about

five years old. I lost my grandfather on the same time.

And my birthday when I was five years old, and my parents said,

Oh, no, he has a little bug on his thing. And we celebrated my

birthday a week early specifically so that we could

make sure that he could see my fifth birthday. And I've always

kind of taken him as my guardian angel, someone who was always

watching over me and he loves He loves blue jays. So whenever I

see a blue jay I always think of him and I think of my

grandparents because like that's, that's my my

grandfather. And then move it. We moved to Ottawa a few years

later, then back to Montreal and been living in Montreal my whole

life and lost lost my grandparents. While I was in

high school, I only had two grandparents pretty pretty much

after a grave. When I was five, had my mom's father, her mother

passed away when my parents got married. So I never really got

to meet my mother's mom. My grandmother passed away the same

year as 911 earlier in 911. And it was really weird because my

grandfather had passed away my we called him Poppy. So my Poppy

passed away. And then like, two weeks later, my grandmother died

on Mother's Day right in front of us on at our at a family

dinner at a central bar barbecue, which is like a

chicken restaurant, kind of like Swiss chalet. And it was just

like, you have, she was sitting right in front of me. We had

just finished all the photographs of all the

grandkids, the family all together like really happy

occasion. And then you're just sitting here, we're eating and

she starts coughing like she's choking and the waiter comes and

tries to give her the Heimlich and it's not working. My dad

realizes what's going on. She's having a heart attack. And he's

like, Mom, I just tell her tell him you're doing fine. And he's

like, she's like, she sits down and she peacefully passes away.

After that. A little Aaron, it was just like, you have three

kids. Yeah, my, my sister who's maybe she's three years old or

two years older than me. And my brother was only 18 months

younger than me. And then my, my cousins were there. They're

obviously older, and then my aunts and uncles. And then we're

just waiting. Like, this is the first time I've ever seen

someone die. Like I've seen dead bodies before from like when

going to funerals but like, this is the first time death has

actually like physically entered my life. You know, like saying,

Hi, I'm death. Here's what's going on. So grandmother passed

in front of me and it affected me, but I don't think I realized

how much it affected me until later in life and doing therapy

and we'll get to that that's a fun story. But yeah, her passing

away and it was just like, What the hell like what's going on?

Like, why did I lose two people were so important to me so close

together. So really affected me there and I, I went into a bit

of a bubble when I was going through the rest of my

schooling. Didn't want to meet people didn't really want to

like, at school, I was very social. Everybody knew who I

was. But outside of school, I didn't really hang out with

anybody because I was drawn and I didn't want to connect with

people on a deeper level than just surface because I was

always I was terrified that they would pass away. And that's

something I learned only from doing therapy later in my life

after my burnout. But yeah, so I lost my grandparents really

early. And it struck me and my dad's family is an interesting

family. They're, they're not really well connected. They're,

they kind of looked down on my dad and put them down because he

was the youngest. And they didn't really. And it was a

really weird dynamic, they all table so there was always anger

whenever I would go to my grandparents for Christmas or

any holiday. So, I've always had like this. I guess you could say

I've had an anger issue because of like losing my grandparents

and then, you know, always being surrounded by this anger at

like, apparently happy times like Christmas, Christmas and

Easter. They're supposed to be happy and all their celebration

family love. But it always would devolve into an argument

whenever we're at my, my dad's parents, my dad's family's

place. And after my grandmother passed away, my dad's like,

yeah, no more. We're not going to be seeing them. Unless we

have to weddings, yes, funerals, yes. But every other thing,

probably not. And what ended up happening is, when I was born,

my parents didn't make my dad's brother, my godfather. And in in

French family, it's very important like the the oldest

sibling is usually the godparent to, to the children. And because

I'm the only I was the firstborn male side. So I was like, Come

to Jesus, I was like Jesus reborn for my grandparents,

like, I were always the hospital, I was born and it's

right in front of this giant church, you have here in Quebec

in Montreal, ended up the blinds up for my grandmother to see see

me. She was like, she said, in French, bonjour, Vita pipe,

pretty much saying, Oh, my God, he's going to be a priest. And

my mom's like, right beside her going, What the hell are you

saying? No, he's not. You know, like, I it was kind of like a

joke in the family that I was going to become a priest, or at

least someone who spoke a lot. And lo and behold, I become a

podcaster later in life, and all I do is talk. But yeah, so I, I

have always had this thing in my uncle. Like, I had this complex,

I wasn't important enough in my life. Because people that I

would like, I would expect to love me and care for me, treated

me as like an afterthought. So I've always thought of myself as

an afterthought throughout my whole life. And growing up, same

thing I was reserved, didn't go out, hit 18. That's when I kind

of like decided to start fluttering my wings, start

connecting with people learning and met some great people

developed my personality, develop who I was, let myself

like, evolve into this great person. And then, yeah, about

six years, I started my my first podcast that feel better show,

just to talk to people about movies, because I'm passionate

about movies, I love movies, and just sit and have a chance to

sit and talk with my friends about movies, right? And so I

was handling that all myself doing every night even asking my

co hosts to help out it was just me, me, me, because I thought if

I can't group work never works. And so I started doing it all

myself. And I was starting a relationship with this amazing

lady. And it was going good. And then it just fell into this

like, toxic situation. My, my work life wasn't I wasn't moving

up. In my work. It was it was just stagnant. I was like, entry

level couldn't move up. And it was really annoying. And I

jumped around for a couple of jobs. Never really liked seeing,

like, I always always told I was special, you know, why am I not

moving up and not understanding and I'm like, I'm doing what

they say, you know, I'm doing everything I'm going above and

beyond and I'm not getting the recognition not doing all this.

And that just led to me being more harder and harder on

myself, which caused me to gain weight, cause the relationship

that I was in, which wasn't a great relationship to turn sour,

and just start getting, like more toxic and just keep the

toxicity because I wouldn't talk to my partner like, I advocate

like communication key, but I wouldn't talk with my partner

about some of the stuff because I was either embarrassed or I

didn't know how to share that because I never ever was taught

how to share that. And then And then about in 2019 We broke up

and it hit me hard. Hit me very hard because I was like, I

thought it was gonna live the rest of my life with this girl,

right? Like, this is the person that I cared for, like i i live

together and all this and we ended up breaking up and it just

like I had no passion in life had nothing anymore. I was lost,

I was rudderless. So I just dive down. I dive deep into my, my

work and my job and I was just pushing, pushing, pushing,

pushing, pushing. And all have pretty much 2019 Until the end

in November of 2019. Funny enough very close to my

birthday. A lot of crazy things happen around my birthday for

some reason. I had a blow with my parents, mainly my mother and

like my mother is I'm the biggest mama boy in the world

like Like me and my dad can go head to head and we have gone

head to head countless times kind of like two bulls, you

know, locking horns, trying to decide who's bigger, but like,

my mom would come in and say stop that and be like, Okay, I'm

sorry. Like, my mom would tell me, I'm terrified of my mother.

I love my mother to death, but I'm terrified of her. Even

though I know I could like, easily just like snapper like a

twig. I'm terrified at my mother, but I love her to death.

Like, there is no one in this world. And I had an argument

with her over Christmas ornaments of all the things like

because they downgraded from the house, because like, none of the

kids were living with them, they moved into a condo. And they

were getting rid of the Christmas ornaments. They're

like, here, we're gonna give you the Christmas ornaments you

choose between that. And it just somehow an argument just develop

and it was just a screaming match. Like, you have my dad

there. My brother, my brother was paranoid schizophrenia about

20 years ago. And he's been living with that. So whenever

there's a change, or like, there's aggressivity in the

room, it sets him off. So like, everybody's trying to be calm

around him. And here I am blowing up my my nephews,

they're my brother in law's they're my sisters. They're my

dad, my mom, my brother, just arguing and it's like,

what the hell and so my parents, like my dad was like, What's

wrong with you? And little later, my mom comes out of her

room, because she she's like, I can't deal with it. You're being

an asshole, excuse my language. And she just left and ended up

cooling down stuff, like, cool down and my mom was like, Okay,

you need help. And I'm like, Yes, I need help. I admitted to

myself that I was not doing well, I needed help. wasn't in a

good place. So my dad made an appointment with the family

doctor went to see him did the physical do the blood test all

that I was at 300 pounds. By heavy, most of my life, I was

like 200 pounds. I was a 300 pounds, possible kidney stones,

because of my weight and how I was living. And then if I will

try the antidepressants, we'll go we'll do that for a few

months. Do that for December, come January, nothing's changed.

Its work is still like I'm just getting angrier and angrier and

angrier and like, nothing's like there's nothing and um, I ended

up stopping my for my podcast because I was like, I can't like

I can't do this anymore. It's too much. I'm just going to

explode. So I put the podcast on hiatus and then have a follow up

meeting with the doctor sit down with him like I can't my mental

health isn't, isn't doing well, I can't do this anymore. And

he's like, Okay, how much time do you want off? I'm like, I

have such a strong work ethic. Whenever I think of people

taking time off. I'm like, What the hell's wrong with you, you

know, you don't need to work. You can do this. Like that was

my old mentality. And I kind of still had it then. And I was

like, I only need two months. And I put a challenge to myself.

I'm like, you have two months to figure out what the fuck is

wrong with you? Because again, excuse my language. I'm not sure

if we're allowed to swear. Oh, yeah. We're okay. Great. Let it

off. So I was like, Well, you have two months to figure out

what the fuck is wrong with you get your head right, get going.

Luckily, my doctor put me in touch with an amazing

psychologist. And I call it the day that I got my time off from

work like I want my dad took me from the doctor's office to my

work. I walked in talk with my boss and like here, he's like,

how much time do you have off? I'm like, two months. He's like,

okay, cool. Um, I call me if I if anything, he looks at me.

He's like, Are you a fucking idiot? Get the hell out of the

office. I don't need I don't want to see you for two months.

I don't want to hear from you for two months. Like go he'll,

we'll deal with whatever. You just go take care of yourself.

And I love he was he's an amazing boss, great guy. And

it's like, it was one of the best pieces of advice like fuck

work, just go heal. And so I went home, called the

psychologist and she got me an appointment. Like she's like,

okay, Tuesday, the following Tuesday, like so this was a

Wednesday that the 31st of January I went on burnout.

Tuesday, I had my first appointment at the with the

psychologist. And I had always said I'm gonna go to I know I

need psychologists. I need to go see it. Now. I had the time, two

months off. So it was like, Okay, time to go. So I went into

the therapy, and I sat down and I'm like, I don't know what to

do. And she's like, just let's just talk. So I'm like, Okay,

I'm used to talking. I have a podcast I can do this. So we

started talking I just stuff just stuff from my past was

coming out like I didn't even know that was an issue. We just

talked and talked and talked and it was one of the probably one

of the best moments of my life that first session. I have just

sitting talking with her and realizing that she's there to

help me because I was always scared to open up to people

because I I'm worried that someone's gonna manipulate and

use that power against me and hurt me, right? Because you see

all these people using secrets or relieving releasing stuff.

And it's like, I don't want that out there. I don't need that out

there. I don't need people because I was always under the

impression that perfection, perfection perfection, right.

And then when you do therapy, realize no one's fucking

perfect, like, pleasing it to her kind of like, opened up my

like, opened me up and I was like, Wow, this, this feels

good, you know, talking communication. So I was seeing

her weekly, for six, six months. And then COVID hit, you know,

like right in like right in the middle of my burnout. COVID

hits. So lockdown happened in March, I think seven in Quebec.

But as we're going through it, like I'm doing multiple things,

because I want to be ready to go back, at least 50% charged, so

that I can go back to work and I have the tools necessary to

fight off anything and keep charging my batteries. So I'm

Tuesdays are my appointments with my psychologist Thursdays,

I was going to my parents place to see my nephew. And now my

nephew was only two years old at the time or just just turning to

and the pure love and just innocence of him. Just filled me

with joy. Like he seeing him and just being able to be like,

Okay, what are we doing, we're going to just play with a car

and just drive it back and forth. Cool. And just the

simplicity of the child was something I was like, oh my god,

like I need more simplicity in my life, I need more childlike

behavior. So every Thursday it was like, I would go to my my

parents place I would, my sister would drop off my nephew, I

would play with my nephew, just be with my nephew. And then I

would eat supper and my dad would drive me home afterwards.

And then COVID hit and then I lost that opportunity to see my

nephew because my sister was very scared about contracting

COVID She's like, No one's seeing the baby. You can see him

on FaceTime. That's it, that's all and it sucked greatly. But

at the same time, I understood like she's a new mother. They

went through a lot of work to get the baby. So like she wants

to protect this child and I'm no no anger at all towards her.

Like, I probably would have done the same thing you know, later

on through COVID. She's like, Okay, you guys can come visit

but you have to say at the end of the driveway, you know, we

got to see him and he was confused because he's like, but

I'm gonna go hug him. I want to hug man. I want to hug Papa. You

know, and he will about why he couldn't. But he forgot about it

now like now he's like jumping in our arms. We're all vaccine

and all that. We're all vaccinated in that but so like I

had to figure out different methods of it's a very cute

thing when we faced with him. He loves hanging up the phone. So

the minute you say by his fingers already on the button

clicking on it, you don't even get to say bye to everybody else

you say bye to him and then it's done. You have no you can't say

bye to anybody else. So you're kind of okay, pass me to mommy

pass me to daddy. Okay, bye. And then he hangs up. So it's super

cute, but I had to figure it out, figure out a way to heal

and get that positivity in that like happiness back into my

life. And so I consider my nephew I was blessed my sister

made me the Godfather and I take that like I call myself the god

Frankel because I consider myself the fun Uncle, you know,

like I'm the I'm the one that's there. I'm I'm the jungle gym.

I'm like full on down or we're going to be playing in the dirt

cool. I mean the dirt. I'm doing things for his for his one year

birthday. I ended up buying him a bouncy castle. For one year

old. This is not a toy or a thing. You get a one year old

you get a 345 year old this store. But no I went out and I

bought him a $300 bouncy castle just because I wanted to be that

fun uncle. And my brother in law was like really? And my sister

was like, fuck because he figured I would do something

like that like I am that type of person like my family knows I

will do anything just for fun. So I bought him this and I

teased for a long time they finally put it up and have him

play on it more often now but when he was one years old one

and two I could understand them not why no bounce on a bouncy

castle, right? He doesn't have the the equilibrium to walk

around in that. So it's a really great to see him on it but he

just filled me with joy. So I needed to find a way to fill

myself with joy. And during the therapy. I figured out I have to

walk so like the third week into the therapy. I would walk home

now this is in February. In Montreal. It is cold as okay

it's super cold. So here I am. I have this huge coat on and I'm

walking in 300 pounds and I'm walking Walking, at least a good

30 minutes home. And I'm Drew, I get home and I'm drawing, just

drenched, like, I have to change my shirt, I have to like shower

because it's horrible how sweaty I was afterwards. But it got me

into the, it started getting that like positivity. So I

would, I would continue walking like if I didn't, I tried to get

a walk and it was 15 minutes every day. And it was helping, I

also started losing weight, I started fasting doing

intermittent fasting, you know, and it started bringing my, my

mental awareness and the therapy helped. But then I kind of had a

little crash when COVID had because while I was doing this,

I had to deal with the the insurance company for my short

term ins.

If you break an arm, they're like, Alright, cool. You're off

for like six weeks or whatever, we're cool. Don't have to deal

with you again. I had had my appendix taken out at the front

when I was working at the same company years earlier. And

they're like, Okay, so what did your doctor say? Um, I said, my

doctor said this amount of time, you know, how, what's the pain?

101 to 10 all this? Like, okay, we agree with what your doctor

says you can have that time off and I never heard from them

again. I received my money from my paid, but I never heard from

them again, even when I went back to work never heard from

them. When I went on burnout, I heard from them at least three

to four times a month. And I was like, the first time she's like,

Okay, well, since you're doing so well, and you're getting all

all all better. We think you should be coming. We're gonna

give you the documents, you can go see your doctor, and we'll

we'll put you back to work. And I'm like, Are you fucking

serious? Do you have a medical degree? By the way? Do you have

any medical degree? No, you don't have a medical degree,

then what makes you think that I'm ready when I have two

medical professionals who are saying that I'm not. I'm like, I

lost it on I my dad was in the apartment. He couldn't believe

how I was talking because I was talking to this person who

technically controls money coming into my life. And I'm

like talking to her talking to this lady. Like she's a, like

the worst human being alive. She was just doing her job. But I

was Nowhere. Nowhere near ready. Like if if anything, that bill

explosion that I did with her should have cemented in her

mind. Like, no, he needs two months. He's messed up. And I

told her I'm like, if I go back to work, because you guys want

me to go back to work. And I burned out a second time. I am

suing you. I'm suing your manager. And I'm suing your

fucking company, as well as the company I work for because it's

fucking bullshit that you're forcing someone on a medical

leave of absence from a doctor who's been in the industry. I

just she's like, Well, if your doctor Sir sir sir. She's trying

to calm me down after like lighting a fuse. And it wasn't

happening. Like my fuse was so short. That within seconds it

would go off like the littlest inconvenience would set me off

into like a rage for some reason. So like, I was on full

rage, and my dad's just looking at me, I'm like, he's like, do I

have to take the phone away from my son? Like, this is going to

be a really awkward situation. If I have to take the phone away

from my son and say, ma'am, we're going to call you back,

like What the hell's wrong with you, but I ended up like,

showing, like, just send me the documents and I'm going to get

it taken care of, I can't fucking believe this. And I hung

up on her and I call my therapist right away. I was

like, I need help. And she was in a session. So I'm like, Hey,

Doc, that I explained what happened, give me a call back I

just I need to talk. And so within like 1020 minutes, she

calls me back and by that had helped calm me down. But I was

still like, my, my energy was just all over the place. And

she, she she she talked to me, she's like, I understand this is

really weird. They usually wait at least a month before they

start being assholes. And they're kind of being assholes a

little too early. Just like don't worry, I'll be writing a

letter to your doctor, he's going to put it into the file.

So like, we're covering me we're taking care of you and I was

like, Thank God like someone's on my side Like I feel like I

have a teammate here and end up they end up getting the

documents the doc they levy for the two months. And I I feel I

should have took three in like Hindsight is 2020 I should have

took three months not two because three months would have

been like I would have got to 75 and I would have been in a

better place. But I took the I took the two months got to a

place where I was like okay, I can handle stuff. I have some

tools in my repertoire from talking with my therapist and

you know thinking and meditating and working out and losing

weight I was in I was like I started to switch and I was like

you know what I need to figure a way to get out of this nine to

five job like I can't do nine to five anymore because it's

killing me it's it's the it's draining me of all energy like I

go to work, I come home and I don't want to do anything. And

it's like, no, I need to do something I need to stay active,

I need to keep me stimulated, and Netflix and chill my whole

life away. So I started researching how to be, you know,

like affiliate marketing, email, list marketing, digital

marketing, all these different things. And I realized I'm like,

I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be an

entrepreneur, I don't know how to run my own business. I don't

know anything about that. My whole family, the whole lives

have been nine to fivers, the closest to an entrepreneur in my

life was my father. And he worked for an insurance company.

So you worked on the commission. So even then, that wasn't an

entrepreneurial life, he was still kind of like, he's he has

this big company behind him. So he has that reputation. He's now

working on his own reputation. So I started my my second

podcast, invest in yourself, the digital entrepreneur podcast

strictly for me to find out how to be an entrepreneur. So I

started talking with other entrepreneurs and interviewing

them. And then I started my company last year, earlier this

year, I landed client after client, so like, I'm happy

there. But the biggest lesson I learned from like my burnout,

and talk with entrepreneurs is like, you need to talk to people

like you cannot keep everything inside. Because if you keep

everything inside, you're just, it's, it's like that. I don't

know if it's a Buddhist saying, but it's like holding a hot

coal, waiting to someone, the only person you're hurting is

you holding that hot coal, or you're trying to poison someone

by drinking the same poison that they are, they're taking, like,

negativity is going to happen, bad things are going to happen.

But if you concentrate on that, you're just hurting yourself,

you have to look for the good in every situation, every bad

situation in my life, like I look at it. I'm looking back on

the last two years of my life. If my girl if my ex didn't break

up with me, we wouldn't be having this conversation. We

wouldn't have been a guest on my podcast, I wouldn't have learned

how to build my own business, I wouldn't have dropped 80 pounds

to be 220. You know, I wouldn't have gotten the help I needed to

build the tools to help me when I do you face difficulties. And

so I look back at it, like, yes, it was a low point in my life.

But also, it was the moment that I decided I'm taking control of

my life, I'm going to be doing exactly what I want to do for

the rest of my life, and I'm going to work on it. And my life

has like, I would never have thought I would have gotten to

where I am today. Three years ago, like if I said, if someone

told me three years ago that I would be running my own

business, I'd have media credentials to go to a huge

event in France. I'd be talking on podcasts and talking with

multi millionaires, business owners, entrepreneurs,

influencers, people that I admire, sports owners, you know,

sports team owners like I, I would be like, you don't know

what you're talking about. And it all came from that. That

argument that the most lowest point of my life, when I was

arguing with my mother, around my birthday in 2019, because if

I didn't have that moment, nothing else would have

happened, I would have probably just continued down a spiral of

despair. Who knows maybe become an alcoholic maybe become a drug

user. I don't know like something to escape the mundane

or the, the negativity of my life. And it was probably one of

the best things to happen to me. Because it just it the domino

effect that came from it, the positive that came from it

outweighs that little did that happen, you know, like, it is?

It is my life. I'm so happy that it happened. And it's weird to

say that because like you're happy this negative event

happened to Yes, because if I didn't have that negative event,

none of the positive stuff that I've had have, would have come

through like I am now doing a 30 day challenge to journal for 30

days, workout for 30 days, go for an hour walk each day for 30

days. And I'm videotaping it because I want to show like,

look, this is what happens when you do a 30 day challenge. Like

here is video ever every day I'm doing it so that people can see

like the self improvement can be. So the 30 Day Challenge is

so important. This is why I'm doing it. I want to show people

that hey, look, here's 30 days worth of like videos of me doing

push ups, sit ups and planking as well as walking every day and

being sweaty as I am now. I don't know why I'm so sweaty

right now. It's not that hot. But I guess it's because I'm

sharing. It's something that's really funny. And my therapist

actually that she's like, whenever you share something

that's really personal, Phil, you get really sweaty. So I know

that you're doing it you're doing something good because

you're sweating

so hard. It is so hard and there's a reason why so many

people choose to not walk that path right And I'm just so

amazed on how like, never anyone before you, like went so deep

into the story and, and I could really feel your anger and feel

your desperation and everything and it is so beautiful. And then

yeah, I talk a lot about how some people, you know how

there's trees, maybe in Montreal as well, they have to go, the

seeds have to go through frost or through fire in order to

germinate. And you're one of one of those people who had to walk

through hell, by himself, right, your nephew help but that was an

outside source, you found the source within yourself, and you

walked your path. And you are now getting healthier with every

day probably and to share this, to share that. Yeah, you are

grateful now for for all that happened is only possible

because you can see where it led to you. And for people who are

still fighting depression, who are still fighting with their

heartbreak and stuff, it is so hard to see. But with this

interview, I will try to show people Yes, but keep going.

Believe in yourself and know that the impossible is going to

be possible soon. And I'm so grateful that we connected and

that you shared. So in depth here because I feel people

people will be very motivated and feel empowered by your story

here.

I am just so thankful that I can share it you this is the first

time I probably went in to depth about the whole situation about

where I started in my past like not a lot of people know about

my past. Not a lot of people know, like I mentioned that I

had a burnout and certain things happen. But I never really went

into depth about like my story. Thank you for you, I'm grateful

that I have the opportunity to share my story, but also

grateful that we connected because I don't think I would

have the opportunity on any other podcast to have this, this

chance to share my story to help others heal from from their

trauma, because we all have trauma, we all have baggage we

all there's no such thing as the perfect individual. There's no

such thing as the perfect partner or anything like that.

And if you think your partner's perfect, they're probably

perfect for you. But they're not perfect in life. You know, you

have to have a partnership you need to build and you need

teamwork. And it takes a community to like they say it

takes a community to raise a child, but it takes a community

to raise a human. Like you're always learning you're always

growing as an individual, like science shows that every seven

years your your cells change, like they go off and new cells

come in. So you're not the same person I will I'm not the same

person I was seven years ago, genetically, like, genetically I

can pretty much say I am not the same person or go. But mentally

I can say I'm not the same person I was. Yeah. So

yeah, I feel like even if you were talking to your parents, or

maybe your ex, I don't know, if you're still in contact with

her. You have a different identity today, you identify

yourself through other things and you, you let old fill in the

past and new fill is growing bigger and healthier and

supporting others. And the most important thing is not seeing a

victim and hence himself but a warrior, right. You don't sound

like a warrior. You have like, you're totally authentic with

your pain, you you're validating it. But at the same time you are

not a victim. And then when you talk about your insurance, I

feel they experienced I don't want to protect them, but they

experienced so many people who are you know, burned out and

depressed. And then they realize, oh my god, this is

actually awesome. I get so much attention and I don't have to go

to work again. And not to say everybody else does.

There are people that abuse it and I know they're right.

But but to they have to learn to be more sensitive for fuck sake.

Like it cannot be that a person opens up is ready to go to

therapy and to do everything in his power. And then to be

treated like this, like this system has to change radically.

Because I feel after COVID We're gonna have so much many more

like depressed people and people who want to change their

lifestyle and we have to have a system that is ready to receive

and to support these people. And this is what I'm trying to do

here. I'm trying to create a platform where people can just

bleed everything out and help others to feel less alone in in

this mess. We're all in this together as cliche as it sounds,

but you're living proof that it It is possible to help yourself

and you do the 30 day challenge, and I just have so much respect

for you, Phil I, yes, blown away.

I'm blown away, because you're doing this, you're you

obviously, when we spoke on my podcast, you explained how you

started this podcast, as a way for you to heal, you moved in

and you realized, I'm healing but there's other people who are

hurting just like me. And so you gave them the opportunity to

come on, and share their views share their pain, so that they

can release it and not hold it in anymore. And be like, it's

okay. Like, this is a safe place you can share, no one's gonna

judge, if you've had a burnout or you've had an issue with, you

know, in your relationships or anything like that you're

you're, you're open and you're safe. It's a safe place. I

think, even though the the BS about oh, the new generation

needs safe places and all this, I, it's not that we need a safe

place. We just need a place that we can sit down and we can

release, and then not have the outside world and the pressure

from the outside world pushing in on us. Because the world

where previous generations grew up isn't the same world we're in

now. It's completely different. Before we would only have to

look at a magazine and we'd see the buff person and be like,

Okay, that's fine. I don't have to look at that magazine. I'm

fine. You know, for your, your mental being about how you're

supposed to look like I've always been like, I'm pissed off

at how I've always looked. And I've been told yes, I know. It's

weird. I've been told Oh, you're so cute. You're handsome this

and that. And but for me, it's like, no, I want to look like

you know, rock the rock, or you know, like Vin Diesel or

something like rip to shreds the muscles, you know, seven foot,

you know, because when you're on Tinder or your everyday, if

you're under six foot, don't even bother talking to me. And

it's like, well, there's a lot of guys under six foot that are

great people like I have a great personality. And one of the

things I always had a problem with is my looks and my weight

has always been an issue for me. And surprisingly, I've been able

like the women I've been able to date and be with their trusted,

gorgeous. And I'm like how? So I always pictured it to be I

always thought it was because I have a great personality

timeout. Yes. Okay, go ahead. Compliment me away. Go ahead.

No, no, no, no, I'm not gonna give you what you get from

everybody else. Anyways, that's not so cute. No, man. There's a

there's a bunch of women awakening right now. And

learning and realizing that it is an energy thing. It is the

looks, of course, at first, but it is an energy thing. And let

me tell you Vin Diesel, the rock. And you, you guys have

very similar energies, you have similar purpose, or they're in

society. So don't worry about your looks, just worry about

shining your light and sharing your story that you're doing

right now. And you're going to draw in one goddess after the

other. But it is not about the looks anymore. And I'm so happy

to see that shift happening. Of course, when you're on Tinder.

You choose to connect with people, there might be expection

exceptions, that are still very old fashioned to say, and you

know, but there is people out there and they will not be on

Tinder who know how to cut through that bullshit shed and

to see the energy, the soul and who that person really is. And I

hope you can let go of these. Yeah,

it's a work in progress. You know, I, I do realize like, I

know, I have a great personality because I my friends told me I

have a great personality. I know. I know I do. Because I've

worked on my personality, because I always thought of

myself not as the the sexy guy or the you know, the the good

looking guy. I've always been like the funny best friend, if

you will. So I know my personality is like magnetic to

all and because I love talking, I love sharing love learning

about people and I can tell a joke, relatively funny. So I

have that ability, and it's just getting past these stupid mental

block of society saying you have to be six, four, you have to be

chiseled. You have to be this you have to be that and just

rely upon looks. And I know, even with age, like it's true

that when you're 99 years old, you're not going to look the

same as you were when you were 20 or 3030 years old. So it's

trying to get past that I'm like, looking at these amazingly

beautiful women I like I look at my past. And I'm like, if I can

get them from my winning personality that I can get like

I can attract the perfect woman and each one of my, my ex

girlfriends, they taught me something. They taught me

exactly what kind of relationship that I want and

It's been amazing. And the last relationship actually, last

year, I found out that my, she was like, so when I was dating,

we were in the same circle of friends when we started dating.

And when I when we broke up, someone that I thought was one

of my best friends started dating my ex. And I didn't find

out that they were dating until six months later, after they

started dating. And at the time, I was like, okay, it's fine. I

don't care. It's like six months, it's fine, then I find

out that it was like it was six months prior that they started

dating. And I was like, Why didn't you come to me first?

Like, I am not going to stop you from dating. I can't I have no

right to do that. But like, looking at it as a guy to guy

it's like, that's you ask for like you just like, hey, do you

have a problem with this? And obviously, I would have been

like, probably would have said no, or go ahead. I don't, I

don't care. But the fact that they kept it a secret, that's

what hurt the most. And it's like it stabbed me. And I ended

up talking with my therapist about it. And she's like, you

know, it's fine, this and that. And so, what I did was very

simple. I just cut them out of my lunch. I was like, You know

what, no, I don't need them anymore. And I told the guy

because I still cared deeply for her. Regardless of what has

happened between us. We shared seven years of our lives

together and had an amazing time we I visited Europe with her I

visit I went to Cuba for the first time with her like I have

a lot of amazing memories from being with her like she she

bought me tickets to the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, my favorite

college football. And she bought me that for my birthday. And it

was like, oh my god, this is amazing. I'm going to go and see

my team. This is my something that connects me to my

grandfather. Because he was a huge Notre Dame fan. When he

came over from Scotland. He was like I'm he found out about

Notre Dame, he's like, boom, Notre Dame for life. So like,

that's the connection I have with my grandfather, I got to

see them play. And I was like, oh my god, this is amazing. So I

have all these amazing memories from her. And even though that

event, most people will let a taint the whole relationship. I

can't let it taint the relationship because there's too

much positivity in that relationship. Even if the last

year was the worst year of our relationship. It still doesn't

outweigh the other that we had. And so I told the guy I was

like, Look, I fucking hate you for what you did. However, as

long as you keep her happy, we're good. You hurt her in any

way. I will kill you. Because that's how much love I had for

her and like the she I don't know how to explain it. It's,

it's, for me, I've always been a protector, like I've always

wanted to protect people help people make them better, or just

take away their pain. And it's even even with other girlfriends

further in the past I even like, I may not be 100% in contact

with them or connected to them. But when I see their successes

because of mutual friends, I celebrate it. Because it's like,

yes, go ahead.

Isn't that way more important than a couple of muscles on your

butt?

I know it's it's it's more important it's it's the duality

of of my life. Like I'm trying to fight against society's

concept of what it is to be the perfect man quote unquote. And

what it is that you are, you're already the perfect person, you

just need to fine tune yourself and don't worry about if you're

not 100 per like, I've worked on my internal so much that I know

it outshines my perceived external looks. And I guess it's

also it comes from me still being like, like thinking that

I'm 300 pounds. And I'm just visualizing like, whenever I

think of like someone who's 300 pounds, I'm thinking like, my

600 600 pound life, you know, or the Biggest Loser stuff like

that. And I'm like, I would never get to 300 pounds and then

all of a sudden here I am. Here I am at the end of 2019 300

pounds. I've put on 100 pounds. I looked disgusting, I feel

disgusting. I have no energy, my mental capacity is is destroyed.

And now I'm looking back. I'm looking now and I'm like, I may

not look but I can look like Vin Diesel or as close to Vin Diesel

as possible. I may not be that seven foot or six foot giant of

a man that most women want but I don't want a woman who wants a

guy who's six foot because that's already right there. The

relationship is starting off in a negative foot because I don't

need her I Tyria if you will, I, I, as much as I look for looks

are important, because obviously you have to be attracted to your

partner, I'm looking more for that deeper connection, that

energy, because I know that is the what's more important that

energy, that the value connection. And because you can

end up falling in love with someone, no matter what they

look like. But if you can't fall in love with who they are as a

person, then you're never going to be happy in your

relationship. And I, I've learned that I can't change

anybody. And obviously people can't change who I am. Because

it's you won't feel authentic. But I do want to find a partner

that wants to change or be better or constantly looked at

be a better person. Either, it's being a better cook, being a

better mother, being a better lover being a better, you know,

friend, being a better, you know, employee or just having a

better body like, always look, life, so that they're always

there. They're they're looking to Matthew McConaughey actually

says this, he's like, I'm thankful for two people, I'm

thankful. I'm thankful for my family. But I'm also I'm always

looking to that person in five years, and I'm hoping to be that

person in five years. So I, I'm like, I look at that now I have

a five year plan, I know where I want to be in five years, I want

to be a billionaire. I want to be a billionaire in five years.

So I'm putting in the work now, to get there. Like, obviously,

if I don't hit a billion dollars, I'm not going to cry

myself. If I hit a million dollars, I'll be happy as all

ends. But like my five year goal, I want to hit that and

like that's the target I have, I have other targets as well in my

life that I want to hit. And I think having those targets in

your life and actively trying to hit them being happy as if you

get close to those targets. Be happy, like I had the stupid not

to stupidity. But when I was younger, I was like, I'm going

to be married, I'm gonna have a house, I'm gonna have kids all

by the time I'm 30 you know, and here I am 35 going on 36. And I

have no relationship. I have no kids. I have no house. But on

the flip side, I run my own business. I am the healthiest

I've been my mind is the in happy place. I have amazing

group of people that I'm connecting with in France and

Macedonia and Australia in England. And it's this in the

states across Canada. And it's just this Yeah, like yourself,

or, or and it's, it's been an honor to talk with you. And I

feel like I've been talking for non stop for like, eight years.

But yeah, I've learned that that's more important than any

monetary amount that you can have. Because if you have unity

that's around you to support and I had to build my community I

had to build and bring in the people and attract the people

that I wanted in my life that are trying to improve their life

or looking to help others improve their life. Because that

inspires me to keep pushing forward towards my goals. And

it's true if you five to 10 people that you have in your

life and you surround yourself with are going to influence your

life. So if you're if you want to be a millionaire, find

millionaires if you want to be a billionaire, find billionaires

if you want to, you know if you want to be an entrepreneur,

surround yourself with entrepreneurs and be and

celebrate their wins. Regardless, if you're you have a

win to celebrate, celebrate every single win that you have

from your because that they're going to celebrate your wins

just as much. So if anything, that's what I want to leave off

on, celebrate wins, celebrate everyone's wins. Like there's

we're in an age where everybody there's abundance everywhere.

You can find your your perfect dream, you have the internet,

you have access to stuff that generations ago, no one had

access to you have knowledge at the tip of your finger tips that

can help you become whatever you want to be if you want to learn

how to crochet, there's probably 1000 YouTube channels on how to

crochet and you're going to find someone that can be your mentor.

And so you subscribe to them and you've learned from them. Like I

had the opportunity to interview an amazing podcaster for one of

my shows. And he's and through that connection. He's going to

be putting me in touch with an OG podcaster. Someone who's been

in the industry for so long, who's monetize who's huge as a

podcaster. I'm like, Oh my God, this would be like a dream come

true. Like, I have a couple people on my list. And he's up

there. He's in my top 10 of people I want to interview

because it's like, this is a guy who's done it like this is a guy

who started podcasting created an empire pretty much from it.

And now is like, considered the name in podcasting. And I'm

like, oh my god, this is amazing. If I get the

opportunity to even have a five minute conversation with him, I

will lose my mind. Just because it's like this chance to connect

on someone who, who's doing the same thing or is further along

in their career. I'd started where I am. Hmm. Just an amazing

opportunity to create that tribe of people around you, that can

help you grow.

Yeah. Yeah, I that's so beautiful. Very, very inspiring.

Phil, thank you so much for making the time here and

sharing, like your story, but then also the tools that you use

to help yourself out and then to go on and inspire people to, to

follow their dreams and their passion. And yeah, you totally

nailed it. Thank you so much.

Oh, it was my pleasure. I can't thank you enough for giving me

this opportunity. And actually, I have to thank you, because I

feel uplifted, having been able to share my story with stuff

that I've never shared before with anybody. Yeah. Which is

really, really weird. Because we've only known each other just

like maybe like, what, three weeks not even a year I am like

pouring out my life story to you, and to your audience and

just sharing with them. And it's not nothing to be ashamed of.

Because sharing the your pains, sharing your struggles, sharing

your failures are just as important as sharing your, your

your your happy moments. Because if you share those happy moments

and not sharing the pain, you're going to you're going to poison

yourself, you're going to poison all those happy moments that you

have, because you're not releasing that negativity, and

keeping that negativity in you. And I truly believe I've started

believing in the law of attraction and you know,

manifesting the future. Because if you have that goal in mind,

I'm going to be a billionaire. I'm going to be a billionaire,

you're going to work towards that goal, you're going to bring

it to you and you're gonna connect with people that can

help you and I never seen, I always say yes, if someone gives

me an opportunity. I'm like, yes, let's do it. Like, hey,

Phil, do you want to be on my podcast? Yes, I have no idea

what your podcast is about, but I'll be on it. Because I don't

know who's listening to that. Yeah. And that person could

contact me and be like, hey, I want to be on your podcast. And

then I'm part of their network. Yeah. And their network could

lead me to, you know, one of my top like, like, I got one of my

top 10 interviews, potentially, just from this one interview

that I had, I mean, he has a connection to that world that I

don't have. So being in his network and celebrating his wins

and that other people will see and want to connect with me. So

it's just the law of attraction the manifestation or manifesting

your destiny is true, it does happen. It does work. You just

have to. It's just It works on its own timetable. You can

control the timetable, it will come to you. When you are ready.

The world will test you. Oh, so much. And see if you're ready to

receive the gift. That's all I know. You will be I'm still

being tested, day in and day out. And I still I allow the

negativity in my life. I go yes, I acknowledge you being

negative. But on the flip side, what's the positive of this? I

dealt with this already. Okay, I can deal with that. That's fine.

Goodbye. Now. Let's look at the positive. Let's move on to the

better part of life. Yeah.

Yeah. Very, very powerful closing here. Phil, thank you so

much. Thank you.

All right. It was my pleasure to share some time and my story

with you and some little bit of wisdom that I have.

Yeah. That was wonderful. Yeah, I hope you got a lot of value

out of this episode. I was very pleased to see that. Yeah, Phil

was opening up so much and sharing his whole story. It

takes a lot to share. So vulnerably and bold, and I

deeply respect that. Make sure to check out Fildes podcast,

contact him on Facebook. He's a very open and fun person to talk

to. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure to

subscribe to this podcast. And leave us a review if you enjoyed

this. Until next time. Bye bye