[00:00:00] work-life balance does not work unless you realize the role that you play in achieving that balance. So like, let's look at the skills of justice for a second. You are that lady doing that balance and that lady can't hold up the work and the family side without selfcare.

So after our conversations, I realized that that's kind of the part that really frustrates me about the work-life integration part is that when you think. , integrating personal professional, that people immediately think to the outside organizations, they belong to their family. And not very rarely do you hear people in that balance conversation talk about the self-care, but that's that median in the middle, that's the part that holds this whole balance together.

And if you don't take time to hold the structure up, it's gonna fall. It's gonna crumble, it's gonna have cracks. So, For all the people who are [00:01:00] sitting on the sidelines thinking about you can't do it. It goes back to the where we started. You do have time for yourself. You are worthy of that time. And it can start off with just five minute increments.

It doesn't have to be big. Cause that's what kept me on the sidelines a lot of times. Often think, like we said, thinking everything had to be grand or big. Five minutes, you're worthy.​

Welcome to Why She's Winning with your host Christy Rutherford, a master of office politicsand self-care advocacy. Christy's clients have received over 10 million in salary raises in a pandemic. Surprised that women are still getting paid during these challenging times? It's possible for you too. You can have it all if you believe you deserve it. Christy and her guests will assist you with that. Let's get started.

Welcome everyone. Happy Friday. Welcome to Why She's Winning. I am your host, the amazing [00:02:00] Christy Ruthford. Today I have Tasheaya Warren Ellison, the fabulous, gorgeous, beautiful, also, my sorority sister, Zeta Phi Beta.

Lemme tell y'all about Tasheaya right quick. Tasheaya is a corporate tax attorney and a finance leader with over 20 years of experience in tax advisory, tax compliance, tax policy, and tax risk management for multinational corporations across various industries. She's the senior Director of Tax, Eastern Europe, Turkey Caucuses, and Central Asian Republic sub-regions, Germany, and Austria for Proctor and Gamble. She's in the Geneva, Switzerland office and is responsible for strategic management of compliance with respect to income and indirect tax for all P&G affiliate companies within her regional areas of responsibility. I need you to work on my taxes. She attended the Robert D. Clark Honors [00:03:00] College at the University of Oregon, where she received her bachelor's degree in marketing management. She also has her JD from the University of Oregon School of Law and Master of Laws and Taxation from the Georgetown University Law Center.

She enjoys spending time with her husband and their two kids running and playing golf. She's also served as a board member for several nonprofits and professional organizations. Welcome Tasheaya.

Thank you. So good to talk with you today.

All right, so my favorite question to ask is what was going on in your world when I said, when, when you decided that you wanted to do something different, what was going on with you?

Interesting that you say that. So actually things were going really well, and so I wanted to reach out to you or to someone to talk about how to keep things on a very positive note. So my family and I had just moved to Geneva, Switzerland and [00:04:00] started an expat assignment. It's new to Proctor and Gamble, so things were going really well and I wanted it to stay that way.

So I was looking for coaching and advice around how to keep things going well and to stay in a happy place.

Okay. I remember the story differently.

You do? There's always my version, and then Christy's version.

I remember a little bit differently but not work. Workwise, you were good.

Right.

But I remember you being stressed out. Do you remember that?

I remember that very much.

Okay, so let's talk about you being stressed out and, and here's the thing. Yes, things were going well professionally.

You have an amazing opportunity. You have an amazing family, but you were stressed out. So what was, what was, what was that? Do you remember? Because I can recap for you.

I'm sure we'll fill in any [00:05:00] gaps where I leave out anything. But really, I think kind of going back to the theme of our discussion today is really not taking care of myself and making my happiness and health a priority.

Trying to be some interpretation of superwoman and being everything to everybody and not leaving a whole lot left for myself. Did I hit it or did I leave stuff out?

Yeah, well that's it, right? Because, because it's the what becomes the typical mom and wife and leader challenge that, most women have.

So what was the you know, before we started working together, what was your definition of self-care?

Hmm.

I think that it was, there's a little bit there. Cause like you said in my bio, like I love running, like that was my release. So I would do a bit of that, but to really feel confident and comfortable [00:06:00] prioritizing myself. Yeah, that wasn't really happening, but running just happened to be one of my passions, and I just found that I just fall into those negative sound soundtracks of what mom should be.

For example, like when we first started talking together, one of the things that played back in my mind a lot and I realized was a very harmful soundtrack was I went to a mom's group and everyone was supposed to say a little bit about yourself, and I love running. So I mentioned my run goals, and immediately this other mother comes to me with this mom shame, like, why are you taking that time away for your kids?

That's time you could be spending with your kids. And so I found that that kind of thinking really took me from taking self-care to where it really should be. So, running was my relief, but I wouldn't have defined it as self-care. I had really gotten into the notion of that it was being really selfish to take care of self.

Then now I know better.

So [00:07:00] what's your, what's your was, before we get to this question, what's interesting about these mom groups... I've heard about some mom groups, right? One, one lady talked about this group told her that for every year that she's out of work for her kids, her value goes down $10,000.

Right...

She was out for eight years. So I think that, you know, sometimes when, when it depends on, and as you know now, who you surround yourself with and the conversations that you're having, because that's not healthy for a lady to tell you that you're going running, that you should be spending time with your kids.

These moms are vicious. I don't have kids. I got a niece and I babysit sometimes. So so back to, what's your definition now of self-care. What was, cuz you talked about what it used to be and what you thought it was. What, what do you know it as now?

It is replenishing yourself, right and doing the things that you need to do to show up as your best self.

And it's really a [00:08:00] lot more expansive than how I previously defined it. Like I kind of have these continuums, the running that I do, cuz that just keeps me mentally on straight. That's my release all the way over to the spa day and four hours at the gym, and now I'm in that, what I call that normalized space where self-care is more of a routine and not an event, and it really encompasses even this whole covid situation of getting up from my desk and actually going to have a proper meal and not just some random snack and sitting in the chair for 14 hours a day. That type of thing, and making time for meditation and sleep. Like that whole notion of you sleep when you die, that that's just wrong. And I've now learned that with a constant reminder are getting, are you getting your proper sleep or are we getting those eight hours?

And it may not be eight hours every night, but. To have that [00:09:00] target and to know that that is helpful and that is important, has really helped me to reprioritize those things. And even the working out portion, it doesn't have to be four hours at the gym. Self care can look like going for a walk around the block or doing a few situps or whatever gives you that kind of release.

But it doesn't have to be grand is what I'm saying.

So what was most surprising to you about yourself when we started digging in and doing the work? Like what was, what was some of the things that you realized that was going on that wasn't, you know, that, that you didn't desire or what loop you were caught in? Like what was most surprising when you started to look at yourself?

When I started to look at myself, what was most surprising was a couple of things. So one going back to tying family into self-care was the aha moment that I [00:10:00] had placed expectations on myself that no one else was doing. All these things that I felt that I had to do that was expected of me. They just wanted me to be happy and they were willing to do whatever to support that.

And that didn't mean taking care of absolutely everything in the house and just relieving myself of that self-imposed pressure. Around that was a big aha moment and to receive their support because when I started doing more of these self care things, they're like, well, how can we help? Oh, you think you don't have time to run?

Well, we got dinner. So all those types of things. But I had not made space to receive that. And so that was one point. And then the other part, like we're talking about. being stressed, that runs you down and that impacts your happiness. And to the other aha moment is taking control over your happiness and not letting that be so [00:11:00] externally driven and part of that to have the energy to receive happiness and to own it as your entitlement comes from not being depleted, from having the energy, from being properly nourished and rested and cared for, for yourself, then it makes room to be happy and not leaving that power up to the environment or whether it's a good day at work or where someone cut you off in traffic. That sits within me.

And those were the two big aha moments.

We got trains and dogs barking in the background. Not on the beach. Alright.

Huh, you're back state side?

Say again.

You're back stateside.

Got loud trains and ambulances going in the background. So let's talk about shifting, right? Because th because there has [00:12:00] to be a shift, and I want you to, you know, to unpack it a little bit, to, to give busy moms who were going crazy, you know, with regards to you thought that you had to do everything.

And you have three capable, two young boys and an amazing husband, tech Ellison who set it up for you today, right? To assist you, but you were doing everything. So what was that? Was it you shifted and you asked, or was it you allowed, or did they see you actually start to draw some boundaries and then they started to support it.

So do you remember like the, like the phase of, how did you get here to where it kind of clicked? Where they were like, we'll, we'll support you and whatever you're working on.

Hmm. There's a lot there. So let me start kind of at the beginning to the busy moms who are trying to do everything for everyone because your first response is when you talk about self-care is I don't have time.

And in talking to you it was like, [00:13:00] okay, so I'm accountable for making time. So that's the first step. So where it kind of pushes you in a thing, you've gotta create it. Cuz I don't, I don't have accountable cuz you're gonna ask me about it and grill me about. No different than your personal trainer, right?

It's like there's an accountability to it. You said you didn't have time to work out, but you know, when you show up the next appointment, they're gonna ask what happened. So once you have done that, and you have forced yourself to create space, Just like working out. You start to see dividends, you start to see results.

And as they saw me working toward this, they volunteered, how can I help? And they saw that I was a lot happier, that I was a lot more energetic. And at that point I can show up every, they're like, mom, you're happy, mom, you're smiling. When you're too tired to smile, that rubs off on people and you don't realize it cuz you think, oh they good cause I went through my whole checklist and I got everything down. [00:14:00] Dinner, check this, check this check. They didn't care about that. They cared about me. And when they saw me being happier and healthier, they like, we like this. What can we do to help? .

You know, it's interesting. I was talking to, you know, someone earlier today who was just dug into being a hole in her job.

And I'm like, no, it's you . You can't be that miserable at work and not be miserable at home. It's impossible, right? And she's like, no, I'm happy. And I was like, I don't think so. And so she's like, no, I'm happy. I'm like, but you just complain about how miserable you are in your job. and, and, and what you're doing right now, you're creating a cycle where your kids are gonna follow and do the exact same thing.

Does that make sense? Like, we're so unconscious in our reality and we're unwilling to admit to it. And when you started to change and actually have to draw the line and [00:15:00] there is accountability, it's, it's, it's the same thing. And at a certain point, busy women. I have two coaches, actually, three and a trainer.

I need people to hold me accountable because I'm busy doing other things, but they need to hold me accountable to, to some of the goals that I set for myself. And once you got to the point where, you know what really job is great, I now need to manage my stress and I now need to get some sleep and I need to work out.

And when they saw that dividend where you were a little happier, they were. Ooh, I like that . And then you got happier, right? And they kids watch you. They don't do what you say, they do what you do. And they're like, okay, mom is smiling and happy and okay, but we ate out. She didn't have dinner. What can we do?

So it started with you?

Yes. It's all started with me.

So what do you, what do you say to the, to the moms, and I know I want to beat this horse one more time. Who feel like a [00:16:00] hostage to their family of checking all the boxes and they're not making time to, to take care of themselves. What advice do you have for them?

The advice is that you're worth it.

Like, cuz when you really unpack what you're saying, that I don't have time, you're really saying, I don't have time for me. That for all these things that I do, for everybody, do for work or whatever, I'm not worth 5, 10, 20 minutes when I really had to sit down and think about that.

And I was like, I, I do, I I'm worth more than that and I will make time. And I understand where they're coming from. Cuz when you're sitting there and you feel like you checked all the boxes at work and at home and everything's done and everything's great, but you're exhausted and then you're thinking like, how on earth am I going to meditate and rest?

But once you kind of like when you start off with the trainer for the first time, once [00:17:00] you actually start doing it day after day after day time creates itself because you're not as tired, you show up differently, and, well, I've personally feel off of that energy and so now space gets created and things start to what you thought was good, what you thought was happy, you realize can go to a next level, but you gotta put in that work first.

You've got to just try it. Just step out because you already know what now looks like, right? So what does it hurt to give it a shot and not just give it a shot. Cuz to me the risk is low, right you're investing in yourself. So to dedicate five or 10 minutes to yourself if and every day, to me it's a worthwhile investment.

It's only 10 minutes.

[00:18:00] Exactly. But I feel that, I feel that I have been there and you're just like, I have literally sat down with my husband before we met and like back when I had really long commutes, this was pre covid. I'm like, I gotta commute here and do this, and do this and do that. There is zero time left to do what you're talking about... go to the gym or whatever. But then when you break it down into those increments, really you don't have 10? You don't have five? You don't have nothing? Nothing at all?

And then when you say it out loud to someone who's gonna hold you accountable, you sound crazy and you realize it's crazy once it comes outta your mouth, but in your head it makes perfect sense.

Look, you have no time to take care of yourself, yet everyone around you is making you miserable.

Right.

So let's, let's talk about, this was good. You said, when I learned I had to start taking control of my happiness and, and [00:19:00] then, and then have the energy to receive it and own it. And you're entitled to be happy. I talked to a couple of women a few months ago, and they're miserable. Most, most, a lot of, I mean, it is what it is.

I used to be miserable, so I know what it looks like. Right. And when you talk about happiness, we don't really know what that means, and we don't really know that it's possible when we 40 something, 50 something that we can actually be happy. So what, what does happiness, you know, mean to you? And what did you mean when you said that we're entitled?

You know, we should own it. Like we're entitled to be happy.

So on the entitlement piece, it kind of go hands in hand with what you said first, understanding what happiness is, and it's really when you start to break down and get past the fac size of the title. I know you ran off my super long title and all that good [00:20:00] stuff, but when you get past the success markers of what should define who or as, people define themselves as and get to the nitty gritty of like, you know, what does happiness feel like?

I've only talked with him, I don't know. I think I kind of know like I should be happy. I got a fabulous family. You've already met them all. And my husband, everything's great, got a great job and everything. But that I kind of realized that it was a little bit better than that depleted feeling, but didn't quite fully grasp what that should be.

But then when you start bringing in that self-care element, when you are just not so run down, tired to where you can, like, okay, I, I get it now. And then when you realize that you have the power to take control over that, like I felt good, I felt at peace, but it had nothing to do with how well I did on this project or did I bake [00:21:00] cookies for the bake sale.

It had to do with me being properly nourished, getting some rest and working out. Then you start to realize that you're giving your power away by saying and giving up, by letting external factors drive your mood and your happiness.

That's good. I don't have my notes, so I gotta type on my phone. So I, you know I told you when, when we connected on Facebook and, and you, you do, weekly tea time reflections, right?

Absolutely.

Which I love, and, and I looked at some of your previous ones and you would be smiling with that cup in your hand.

I was like, she is not happy with that tea. I noticed as we started working through the program, when you smiled, you actually meant it. Like we know now that [00:22:00] you're happy and now that you have peace. We know what a crack smile, and we're doing it because we say we're gonna do it, but we really don't wanna do it.

And you just wanna get it out of the way. So now you're actually happy when you're smiling in your tea time reflection. You look like a hostage last time he'd be like,

Yeah, I remember in session how you used to call me out about my tea time reflection, but I get it. I own it because, that's what happens when you are operating from a depleted space, right? Like what I had set out to do a tea time reflection is to chronicle our times here and all of our experiences. But as you're saying, although I, I still love my cup of tea and I still love sharing with the folks back home.

What's going on here? But, if those things can easily slip into obligation, like in your list. Like, but the joy that I [00:23:00] now get of 'em, because I'm not so depleted, I'm glad it's coming through, but totally love the exercise, but to your point, everything starts to feel like a chore and you get almost resentful because there's nothing left of you.

And even though you want to do all these things, everything turns into an obligation. And what I found with, with self-care and what we talked about a lot, was you feel like you're doing the things you want to do. So even when you want to do something, it starts to feel like a burden when you're just too depleted.

Yeah. That, that's the key, right? Like, it, it's you were, you did it with good intentions because you wanted to chronicle your family's experience in Switzerland. But when you're tired, when the time comes up, you be like, oh yeah, I got to write this thing. Because now you've obligated yourself to do something that's now a burden because [00:24:00] you, because you're depleted already.

Does that make sense? And now, , now it's not. Now you do it and you actually enjoy it because you are properly chronicling things. So the only perspective is now you're not tired enough and you can actually do what you wanted to do, where it doesn't feel like a chore. So you said something that was huge because women create things that are nice to do, but then they, but then they turn around and become resentful on what they created. And it is not because it's not working, it's because you're tired. And that's what a lot of us won't admit to. I would not admit to that I was tired of burning out. Until I hit the ground . So now the goal is to say, Hey, you know, you, there is a better way.

And it doesn't take that long, just five to 10 easy minutes a day to completely change your life and change your perspective. So let's talk about one more thing. And I, and it was funny Tasheaya, you know, taxation, numbers, and accounting Tasheaya likes [00:25:00] order. Okay. I didn't ask Tasheaya any of these questions. I sent her a list and I know in the back of her head she said none of these questions was on the list.

Right.

I know you saying I sent you like 20 questions. Be like, okay, yeah, you want some questions?

You know I prepped for those questions.

I know you prep for you. Be like, I, I don't wanna ask. So , cause I wanna pull on the string of what you talk about to unpack it, right? Because this is you know, this is, this is going to assist so many women who have kids and have a family because that's a common theme.

I don't have time to take care of myself and even when to share. You said I run because it brings me joy. Somebody tried to get you for that and said, no, be crazy like me.

Yes.

Don't take care of yourself. So you said something about not being nourished, right?

Mm-hmm.

What does that, what does that mean?

What does, what does you not being nourished mean? And because I wanted to [00:26:00] relate to some of the other women on the line.

Okay. So, Two points on that. There's the physical and the mental part. So on the physical and probably some other people can relate definitely with covid, lockdowns, like you find yourself is work, work, work.

You pass by the computer and you work some more, and then someone walks by like, have you eaten? And what was it like? What was the quality of it? And then I had to sit there and unpack that. Like, Hmm, what did I have? And was it the right thing to nourish me? And then as we were having our conversations and we talked about hydration and proper nutrition and all those types of things, it goes back into that self care bucket that we're talking about.

Not making time. Like really, like you can't make a proper sandwich. You're in your house. You are staring at the kitchen [00:27:00] talking to someone else who's sitting there in their kitchen, but neither one of you are going like, I need a glass of water, or I need something to eat. And then to exchange those stories offline with other people, they're doing the same.

And this whole grind is real. That grind is not right, like you cannot continue to show up properly. Without proper food nourishment. But one of the things that I really enjoyed about our interaction was all of the great material and we read cuz I realized I needed that nourishment as well to, not that I don't love tackling them, but I read it multiple hours of the day. And then going back to what we said, I don't wanna read anything else. And I was an avid reader growing up. I belonged to book clubs over the years and spent my whole life reading. That's probably why I've enjoyed the law so much cuz it's so much reading.

But then when you're reading for yourself or something that's not a [00:28:00] self-help book or something like that, not that they're not good, but just positive messages to uplift you and to give you focus and guidance. I have been missing that for quite some time, and I really found that it changed my perspective and that energized me as well.

So we talked a lot about like we're saying about the moms group, about the negative messaging. Part of that is also to defuse a lot of that as well, because when you feel your, it's like when you're training for a big event or whatever, when you feel your body and your mind up with good things, then it comes out.

So I really found that both of those who go hand in hand, the mental nutrition and also the physical nutrition.

Mm-hmm, you know, I was thinking a couple weeks ago, we are starving and somebody talks about how we're starving for wisdom. Like we're highly successful and I ain't gonna say all of 'em, but a lot, when we have all these degrees, we've studied other concepts.[00:29:00]

You have two master's degrees and one and another one, which we'll talk about later, right? But it's like . We we're studying all these external things and we don't spend a minute, you know, looking at ourselves. And like I said, I was talking to somebody earlier and I was like, when is the last time, have you ever invested in yourself?

She was like, no. Okay. What? Like what do you personally, have you ever invested in yourself personally? She was like, no. Have you ever invested in a coach? No. Okay, so you're a hostage and you're mad at them. Right. So it's not about, we can't keep complaining that we're not being treated properly if we're, if we're not drawing the line.

And I, I think a bigger part is when you start to nourish yourself. The clarity of that comes with, it's not that bad. I can, I actually have control over this situation.

Correct.

So, all [00:30:00] right, so let's talk about this other degree that, cause you thought , that you needed another degree. Do you wanna talk about that?

Cause I can move on. That wasn't in the questions, but what was, what was, I think, what was the underlying desire, you know, for that, for that degree.

It really came from the fact of just going back a little on my story, so I've been doing tax for 25 years, but never expected that to be my career focus.

And with that a lot comes a lot of accounting and finance and things of that nature. But I've been growing up in that, like that's what I've been doing my whole career. And it's, I think it more so comes from the position of always trying to prove your position at the table. Like, like you said, I've got these degrees, I've already proven what I can do in the finance area.

I work for accounting firms and all of these things, but that additional don't question me about [00:31:00] my capabilities is really what it comes, if I'm being brutally honest, and like you said, at this stage when we already have these degrees, it's like, don't question me on this. And so that's really where it comes down to just that additional validation of experience I already had because I just find, particularly in areas where you don't see a lot of diversity and you often feel like you're constantly questioned about what is your seat at the table, or why are you here?

That we as women of color often put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be able to point to the wall, this is why I'm here. But really at this point, it's a substance that already sits within you. It is the reason why you're there. But I wasn't there yet, so I know that's where you go.

Well, I mean, you know, here's the thing, right?

Like, and I remember in, in my my last job, I, I had the I love me wall. All my degrees were on the [00:32:00] wall. Part of my awards, like I would have enough awards to decorate the Louv in, in Paris if, if we really gonna hang up how many awards that I had because I was so tired of people not treating me properly.

I was so tired of people not seeing me properly that when you walked in my office, you already know I'm a queen bee. Because it's plastered all over the wall, but I'm tired and crazy and I'm, and I'm fighting all the time to, to make you see me properly. I don't see myself properly because I'm thicker than a snicker and eating at Chick-fil-A right? Like all the time. And once I was on my way out and I started taking down like all, and it clicked for me. Right. None of this stuff on the wall matters if I'm not healthy, you know?

Right.

None of this stuff on the wall matters. I'm empty inside like a hollow. I said I was hollow as Easter Bunny, you would've bit my ears. It was nothing on the inside because I [00:33:00] didn't take the time. At the same rate to share it, and renew it to fill my cup and to fill me up at the same rate that I was filling up my professional persona.

Yes.

So, so what happened? Did you need that degree to feel great about yourself? Because I, because here's my thing, always tell women stop getting all these degrees because, you know, I asked you the question like, okay, you gonna get this? I mean, you already tired.

Right?

*inaudible* it's free. I was like, I don't care.

So let's, let's unpack that right quick.

Okay. So, to your point it took me a minute to get to where we are this moment. So I'm like, Christie, it's free. Nothing's free. Even though there's they're going to give you a full ride for it, but, as you're saying, it really forced me when you said, but where are you gonna have to give up to get it?

Because it's not free. And time with your family time where you could be [00:34:00] doing other things. Time of this experience, cuz you've got this opportunity of a lifetime to work abroad. And then as I started to unpack that, it really goes back to the point of really having to come to the terms of just wanting to be seen, right?

That it had nothing to do with another skillset I thought I needed, or any kind of gap I was trying to fill. The gap I was trying to fillwas you are not going to dismiss me. You are going to see me for who I am, but part of being seen for who you are is being able to show up and show up with your full self.

And you can't do that when you're depleted. But it took a while to connect those dots. Right.

Yeah. That's so good because, because I, I wrote down what does winning mean now? , right? Like back in the day, a lot of us are [00:35:00] operating in our present reality with old data. Winning used to be getting the degrees and how many degrees can I hang on the wall? And some women want to get these PhDs, but I'm like, you're, you're, you're grown.

One you have kids is going to cost you instead of spending time with your family, which is what's important to you now. Does that make sense?

Yes.

You're gonna be all studying for a tax degree , instead of enjoying your time in Switzerland eating all the stuff that y'all eat, because I see your tea time talking about, send me some of those things.

Instead of doing that, you are now going to be at home, stressed out studying for a tax degree that you didn't need.

All you needed was some sleep.

All I needed was some sleep.

Cause sometimes you just need to hear it just that way. So [00:36:00] that was kind of the beauty of our interaction. Or go eat a croissant and go to sleep.

That's all it's. You just, you just needed some sleep. Girl, you don't need a degree. Just go to bed and you're like, I don't believe you. Tasheaya, it can't be that easy. It has to be hard. No, all you need is to drink a smoothie, go running in the morning and go to bed, and you're like, All right. You know? Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

So alright. One last question. So you know, my favorite story, this is why we're talking about you know, your family support and self-care, right? Like, you're, you're you, you were gonna skip a class. It's my favorite story. I remember one story. I know I remember a lot of them, but I know that one turning point that becomes like the favorite anchor point for most of my [00:37:00] clients.

When you were like, Christy, I'm gonna miss class today. Cuz it's my son's birthday. So would you, will you share that because it's so funny. I love it.

And it's funny because we're coming around that time again, his birthday's next week, so we were just talking about that story in the house and yeah, so my youngest, he was having his birthday and it fell on a Thursday night here because the time difference and I was like, Hey Christy wanna do something with the family tonight?

It's my son's birthday. Can I get a makeup session? Blah, blah. Sure, sure. Then I went back to the family. It's Thursday night. You're supposed to be in session right now. Oh, no, no. I worked it out. Christy's fine. Fine. She's . Oh, no, no, no. We're not fine. You're not fine. You're going to go to class. We'll celebrate after , but you're not missing that.

We like what we see. We like that you are happy and we wanna keep that up. So no, you're not missing class. Not at all. Bye guys. We're team E so I'm, I'm a sports mom, [00:38:00] so athletes stay on the grind. They're like, mm-hmm. You're not missing session.

No, sorry.

I love it. That's my favorite story because once Mom finally stops long enough to take care of herself and be happy, it doesn't matter if you have the complete nourished meal, you know, for them.

They, they cool with the pizza, right? Like all the boxes that you were checking and, and, and parents, I mean, dads do it too. You're checking all the boxes to make sure the kids are taken care of, but they just want you to be happy and some of those boxes aren't necessarily required. So you were like, yeah, I'm not going to class.

They were like, Uhuh, no. We like it. We, we can see progress. And we like who's now being revealed, who's been in the house the whole time. They were like, no, we'll wait. And so you came on the line. I was like, I thought you, you was like, ah, they wouldn't let me.

So so okay. As we close out, what advice do you have for moms [00:39:00] who, who even after 40 minutes of kicking the horse to death, who still believe there is no way that they can actually be happy and balance, because a lot of people talk about work-life balance, and we have all these people who are burning out and leaving their jobs.

What advice do you have for them where they still aren't convinced that they can actually have a balanced life?

Work-life balance does not work unless you realize the role that you play in achieving that balance. So like, let's look at the skills of justice for a second. You are that lady doing that balance and that lady can't hold up the work and the family side without selfcare care.

So after our conversations, I realized that that's kind of the part that really frustrates me about the work-life integration part is that when you think, integrating personal professional, that people immediately [00:40:00] think to the outside organizations, they belong to their family. And very rarely do you hear people in that balance conversation talk about the self-care, but that's that median in the middle, that's the part that holds this whole balance together.

And if you don't take time to hold the structure up, it's gonna fall. It's gonna crumble, it's gonna have cracks. So, for all the people who are sitting on the sidelines thinking about you can't do it. It goes back to the where we started. You do have time for yourself. You are worthy of that time. And it can start off with just five minute increments.

It doesn't have to be big. Cause that's what kept me on the sidelines a lot of times. Often think, like we said, thinking everything had to be grand or big. Five minutes, you're worthy.

Awesome. Thank you so much ma'am for sharing your insight. I know you gonna set a lot of women free. I'm gonna send this anytime I [00:41:00] talk to somebody who don't tell me that they have time, I'd like to send the, send y'all's interviews.

I'd be like, I found somebody who did, and again, I wanna thank you for, you know, showing up and sharing your insight because to share the goal really of these interviews is to really let women know that our lives can be different. You know. That we don't have to, we don't have to stay held hostage to other people.

If we just look in the mirror, you'd be like, I can change this. Yes, girl. Five minutes . It's just five minutes for having sakes. Will you change that? So so again, thank you for sharing, showing up and sharing your insight. I know that you have said a lot of women free. Robin is in there. So we got, we got some of the V F M ladies in the click, robin, Dana, Natalie they're all listening.

So if y'all wanna get my free case study, you can go to change now with Christy.com. You can get my free case study, how to get a 30% raise without getting another degree or without [00:42:00] burning out. So again, to share. Thank you so much. Don't hang up. Bye y'all.

Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review. If you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting. CHANGENOW, all one word again, CHANGENOW to 6 6 8 6 6. Until next time, go out and win bigger.