Dr. Jess Reynolds (boring): [00:00:00] There's this moment that happens sometimes in pretty much everybody's practice at some point. Door closes behind your client and you're left standing there feeling empty. Like someone just unplugged your life force and is draining it into some cosmic bathtub. Now most massage therapists have a name for clients who make them feel this way.

They call them energy vampires. And after 15 years of practice, I thought I knew everything there was to know about them until I discovered that perhaps Energy vampires might be telling us something far more important about ourselves than we realized. So in today's episode, we're uncovering the truth about these mysterious energy drains, what they really are, and why they affect us so deeply.

And then lastly, we'll talk about how to protect yourself without compromising your client care. Welcome to The Conscious Practitioner, the podcast helping [00:01:00] massage therapists and wellness practitioners align with purpose, create deeper client transformation, and evolve your practice, even if you feel stuck.

I'm your host, Dr. Jess, and each week we address your biggest practice challenges from boundaries to burnout and everything in between. Together we uncover the inner blind spots behind these outer struggles that, when mastered, transform you from a skilled practitioner to a truly impactful one. This is part three of our special series on why you feel drained after treating clients and how to fix it.

In part one and part two, we explored client alignment and the scarcity mindset. Today we are diving into perhaps the most mysterious aspect of practitioner fatigue, and that's energy dynamics and emotional boundaries. So in today's episode, you'll discover how to identify and protect yourself from the four types of energy vampires in your practice.

A complete protection framework that goes beyond just setting boundaries and practical [00:02:00] techniques to maintain your energy while still providing excellent care. So, with that, let's jump in.

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Dr. Jess Reynolds (boring): Alright, so, you know the feeling. The client leaves and you are completely pooped. Totally wiped out. Not the normal physical tiredness that comes with doing bodywork. This is different. It's like your very life force has been drained. Your brain feels foggy, your emotions are all over the place, and you just want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world.

If you've ever experienced this, you're not alone. And more importantly, you're not imagining things. What you're experiencing is real, and today we're talking about why it happens and what to do about it. But before we go further I want you to think about your last really draining client, not just the physically tiring ones, but the [00:03:00] emotionally depleting one.

Where did you feel the drain in your body? You see, as a massage therapist, we deal with three distinct types of fatigue. There's the obvious, the physical fatigue from the actual hands on work, the emotional fatigue that comes from holding space for our clients, and what I call energetic fatigue, the mysterious depletion that can't be explained by either of the first two.

Now, I remember the first time that I really understood this distinction. I had a client, we're going to call her Sarah. On paper, she was pretty easy, right? No complex conditions, no deep tissue work. But every single time she left, I felt like I'd just done three back to back deep tissue sessions. It took me months to realize what was happening.

I was experiencing energetic drain, and I didn't really understand it. And this is what I call the energy vampire effect. Before you roll your [00:04:00] eyes at the term, because trust me, I used to, let me explain what's actually happening here from a practical standpoint.

When we talk about energy vampires, we're not talking about supernatural beings of mystical force. Although, I would strongly recommend you watch the TV show, What We Do In The Shadows, because it is absolutely amazing. Hilarious. There is an energy vampire that is a perfect example. Nevertheless, I digress.

We're talking about the very real energy dynamics that happen between people. And in our line of work, understanding these dynamics, it isn't just helpful, it truly is essential. for our survival. Let me introduce to you what I call the four energy draining dynamics. These are patterns that I've observed both in my own practice and in working with hundreds of other practitioners.

First, we have the emotional offloader, you know the one. This is the client who treats their massage session [00:05:00] like a therapy session. Now don't get me wrong, emotional release is a natural part of bodywork, but these clients actively dump their emotional content onto you, often without even realizing it.

Now, I had a client like this, I'm sure we all have had one or many, and every single session started with a 15 minute update on all the drama in their life. At first, I thought I was being compassionate by listening, and I thought this was holding space. But I started noticing that after these sessions, I was carrying their emotional weight for days.

Next, there's the infinite need. This is the client who's never quite satisfied no matter what you do. They might be lovely people, but there's a constant sense that they need more. More pressure. More time, more attention, more, more, more. It's like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom.

[00:06:00] And then there's the third type, and I call them the energy echo. These clients unconsciously match and amplify whatever energy you bring. So if you're slightly tired, they'll make you exhausted. And if you're a little bit anxious, they'll spike your anxiety. It's like they're energetic amplifiers. And then finally, we have the unconscious pattern.

This is perhaps the trickiest one because it involves our own triggers and patterns. These are the clients who remind us of someone else. Maybe they're reminding us of a demanding parent or a former partner. And they're unconsciously activating old wounds, and that's the key here. The unconscious pattern is just that.

It's unconsciously triggering something from our past. So now, I want you to pause for a moment, and again, think about your client list. Can you identify these patterns? Which one [00:07:00] resonates most strongly with your experience? Because here's the thing, and this, this is crucial. These clients, they're not bad people.

They're not doing this intentionally. In fact, many of them are dealing with their own trauma and their own pain. But understanding these dynamics is essential, because traditional boundaries alone, well, they tend to not be enough to protect you.

~So, Let me admit this up front, thiccs. ~

So, let me admit this up front. This section, it's gonna dip a little bit into the esoteric. But stay with me here, because understanding these ideas could completely change how you manage energy in your practice and in your life. This isn't just about sage or crystals, it's about going deeper.

It's about unpacking the hidden dynamics at play and building a protection framework that really is transformative. going to call this the three layers of [00:08:00] protection. Turns out I really like naming things. And it's something that I've developed after years of trial and error. And trust me, I have made Every mistake in the book and I'll share one of the most valuable moments with you in just a little bit But first, let's get to the framework.

We have layer one physical boundaries physical boundaries are essential for maintaining your energy and focus during treatment and they require both attention and concentration Intention. These include the obvious elements like start and end times, your physical positioning, proper body mechanics, things like that.

~They also go deeper, especially for massage therapists who are in physical interaction with clients. They also go deeper because as massage therapists, we are in physical contact with our clients pretty much all day. ~As we know, touch creates very unique dynamics. It's an intimate ~experience. ~physical connection that can blur boundaries if you're not careful.

Most of us naturally establish physical boundaries as part of our practice, but over time these boundaries, can loosen without conscious effort. Maintaining them requires pretty consistent and ongoing [00:09:00] awareness and intentional adjustments. For example, I realized that even small changes, like where I stand during treatments, can transform the energy of the session.

At first, I thought it was just about better ergonomics, but it turned out to be much more. Because these little adjustments that I made created a sense of grounding and a sense of clarity for both me and my clients, helping the session feel balanced and more effective. If you've ever been to one of my workshops where I teach acupressure, you know I spend a massive amount of time talking about our physical position.

Not just in order to maintain our body mechanics, but in order for energy movement within our body, and indeed even within the room. Now layer two, these are our emotional boundaries. This is where things start to get personal. Emotional boundaries are about maintaining clarity around your role. Yeah, you are there to help, no question, but you're not a dumping ground for [00:10:00] unprocessed emotions.

Early in my career, I learned this hard way,. There was a client who would come in and share the most intensely traumatic stories during their session, a classic emotional offloader. And I told myself, it's okay, it's part of their healing process. Truth be told, I really wasn't equipped.

I didn't have boundaries in place, and I absorbed everything like a sponge. And over time, I found myself increasingly short tempered. My desire to spend time with my partner at the time, it was really waning quite a bit. And I started withdrawing from the people closest to me. Now one evening, after a particularly draining day, I snapped at my partner over something utterly trivial.

Now I'd love to say, that's when it hit me. But the truth is, it took much longer. My relationship at the time was nearly at its breaking point before I finally stepped away from work and realized exactly what was happening. [00:11:00] Emotional boundaries, they're not just nice to haves. They really are essential.

And then we get to layer three, and this is energetic protection. ~ Misunderstood. It's not about building walls or shielding yourself from others, entities. It's about conscious management. So here's where we go a bit deeper. Energetic protection, it's often misunderstood.~

~It's not about building walls or shielding yourself from others. ~It's not about building walls or shielding yourself from others it's about conscious management of your energy. So now let's talk about energy vampires. As I mentioned earlier, these aren't necessarily bad people. Most of the time, they're completely unconscious that they're draining others.

And here's the uncomfortable truth. We've all behaved like energy vampires at some point. Every. Single. One. Of us. When we are disconnected, we are operating from our shadowy parts, and our sourcing of energy from external validation instead of inner alignment is where we are taking rather than giving.

Let [00:12:00] me try and be clear on this. We've all had points in our life when we are behaving utterly unconsciously, and we really are on the taking side of the equation. Now, this is why shadow work is crucial. If you've ever heard the term, shadow work is the process of becoming aware of the parts of ourselves that we've repressed, or suppressed, or ignored.

These are the hidden motives, the hidden fears and insecurities that drive our unconscious behaviors. Carl Jung really first coined the term, and he believed these are the parts of ourself that our culture and society and family and friends have at some point in time deemed unacceptable, so they kind of get pushed into the background or into the shadow.

And the interesting thing about the shadowy part, as Carl Jung says, is at some point in time, it's coming out. And if we are unconscious, it will come out unconsciously. However, if we are conscious of our shadow, if we are conscious of these parts of ourself, then we [00:13:00] can consciously Choose to allow these parts to come out in the appropriate time and place now energy vampires They are operating from this shadowy place And when you do your inner work to illuminate your own shadow something really profound happens You not only protect yourself from external drains But, you also begin to see others with much more compassion.

You recognize that their behavior, it's not about you. And you're no longer vulnerable to their unconscious pull, because you are consciously sourcing your energy from within. So if this resonates with you and you'd like to explore shadow work further, please comment on the YouTube video or Spotify or just let me know via email and I would love to hear from you because this is a topic I could happily dive deep in.

So let's think of this framework like building a house. [00:14:00] Physical boundaries, they're the foundation. Emotional boundaries, they're of course the walls. And energetic protection, ~this, ~this is the roof. You need all three to create a safe, sustainable space where you can thrive as a practitioner. And it's not about perfection.

Far from it. It's about awareness and intention and bringing consciousness into the picture. And when you layer these protections, something really magical happens. You're no longer just surviving your practice. You are flourishing. So let's get practical. Here are some specific techniques for each layer that you can start using immediately.

First off, the physical layer. Create a reset ritual between clients, even if it's just 30 seconds. Position your massage table so you feel like it's in the perfect place. And I'm telling you, even if you move it an inch, it [00:15:00] matters. Spend some time with that. Use your body position to subtly direct energy flow.

So here's an example of physical layer implementation that can make a big difference. Adjusting how you transition between clients. For example, I started implementing a very quick stretch and posture reset in the hallway between sessions. Now, it's very subtle and only takes about 10 seconds, but it makes a big difference in re centering my energy and preparing my body, mind, and soul for the next client.

So by consciously creating these small physical transitions, you can prevent buildup of tension and maintain a sense of flow from one client to the next. Now for the emotional layer, I'd recommend you develop a compassionate redirect script for emotional offloading. You can also practice something called the golden bubble technique during sessions where essentially you imagine that there's a golden bubble surrounding you [00:16:00] and no other energies can get in.

And again, it might sound a little woo woo for some of you, for others of you, it might sound totally obvious, but this visualization process, it really does help. And of course, use clear audio. Language to establish your role. Here's an example. When a client starts to emotionally offload, you might say something like, Oh man, that sounds really challenging.

And while I, of course, don't offer counseling, I can help your body release some of this tension you're carrying. Or another one that I like to use often is, I'll say, wow, that sounds tough. Tell me, when you tell me this story, where do you feel it in your body? And I always bring it back to the body, bring it back to them.

And then of course we get into the energetic layer. I'd suggest you start each day and end each day with some sort of protective visualization. Something that I do is I use a hand washing technique between clients.

Now, of course, I am washing [00:17:00] my hands between my clients every single time, but as I'm washing my hands physically, I'm also sort of visualizing that I'm washing off any residual energies from my clients. And lastly, create an end of day ritual. Now when I was in school, one of my teachers told me that I really did need some sort of clearing ritual at the end of each session or at the end of each day.

And being in TCM school, I passed this off as yet another woo woo hippie energy nonsense thing because quite frankly, that's the type of guy that I was. Turns out, I was wrong. I mean, very, very wrong. My example from earlier, unfortunately, is one of many times in which my energetic boundaries were overrun and affected my personal and professional life negatively.

However, with time and a few energetic and emotional bruises, I actually started to listen to what I was told and I did indeed create a ritual that I do at the end of every [00:18:00] single day. There's something profound about creating this ritual that helps you leave work at work. Shedding the stories and the energies of your clients.

And this ritual not only helps you decompress, but also plays a very vital role in protecting you from energy vampires. It's about more than just self care. It's about sustaining your ability to show up fully for every client, session after session. Put it more plainly, it's a way to signal your body, mind, and soul to leave work where it belongs.

At work.

So here's the truth though. These practices, they do require a little bit of extra time, but it really is only a little bit. They're about bringing intention to the things that you already do, like hand washing between clients, like writing your notes at the end of the day, like having a shower at the end of the day, whatever it is.

It's adding an intentional cleansing at the end of all of it. That moment when you change sheets, that's [00:19:00] a moment where you can do something to reset. The key here is consistency. It's not complexity. So with that, thank you so much for spending your time with me today. Before you go, I want to highlight three key insights from this little conversation we've had.

Number one, energy vampires, they aren't bad clients. They tend to be showing us where we need stronger boundaries. Understanding the four types helps us respond effectively rather than react. Emotionally. Number two is protection requires all three layers physical, emotional, and energetic. Just like a three legged stool, if one leg is weak, the whole structure becomes unstable.

And lastly, simple, consistent practices are far more powerful than complex, occasional ones. It's about bringing intention to your actions that you're already taking. ~So, if these insights resonated with you, be free to share them. ~So if these insights resonate with you, be sure to subscribe to The Conscious Practitioner wherever you get your [00:20:00] podcasts.

It really does help a lot, and you'll get weekly guidance on bridging the gap between traditional bodywork and transformational healing. If you found today's discussion helpful, you might enjoy part 1 and part 2 of the series where we explore client alignment and the scarcity mindset. And don't miss next week's final installment where we tie everything together and discover how to build a physically sustainable practice that really does honor your body's wisdom.

So thank you so much for listening to The Conscious Practitioner. Until next time, be well my friend.