Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

your host Aurora, and I'm very honored and excited to have

Moovit kalkman hood with me today. I mentioned him a couple

of times on my podcast already he is a coach, who back then

ignited my healing, he helped me out so much. And yeah, led me on

to a beautiful healing path. He is a men coach today, and helps

men to connect to themselves and to

learn how to communicate their feelings and desires better.

He's an intimacy coach. And when you go visit more at send, he

will make sure that your relationships are way deeper

than they were before and and just Yeah, connect you to

yourself.

And this is why I'm so incredibly excited to have him

here today. Because in a couple of episodes ago, I talked about

how important it is for your mental health, to know about

your own sexuality to be aware of who you truly are as a sexual

being. And Moritz has all the words all the knowledge and

wisdom

that yeah, he wants to share with us today. So I'm very

excited to to hear your thoughts more reds. Welcome to the show.

And thank you so much for making the time.

If you want to fill us in a little bit,

like maybe first how you became a coach, how you became so

interested in becoming a coach for men. When it comes to

intimacy and sexuality, you must have felt a deep need a deep

desire. And we would like to know more about it.

Yeah, thank you so much. That's a beautiful introduction.

Yeah, my my path.

I think as we as we just said, I think you and I worked six years

ago,

is like Time Time flies.

The way I got to this path was I think through I think from

suffering, basically, through having a lot of turmoil and

issues and trouble in my own life.

I had

after, after going to school, I basically traveled to Paris and

started off on a career in, in photography. And

I had my first burn out I think was

23. And I

was I was very addicted to alcohol drink about one and a

half liters. So I want to have bottles of wine every every

night. And yeah, and depression was something very severe in my

life like something that was very present. And

yeah, I think back then I didn't really know whether I was able

to live a life that was

happy and joyful.

i And yeah, so it was it was kind of like just an endless

chasing after.

I would say excitement and good feelings through drugs and

alcohol and those kinds of things. And

yeah, I think a little, a little fairy whispered to me that I

need to change something about that. I needed to change

something about that.

And

I think that fairy actually had to whisper it to me in many

different ways before I started listening.

But that's just what it is. It's like we hearing these things

through different channels until eventually the pain gets so big

that we really like start to

try something different or look at the reality that that what

we're doing and what what we are Yeah, what we're doing with our

lives isn't really working. And yeah, for many, many years and I

would say it's still to this day, I'm

I'm working on these things. And I would say that this is this is

a path that

is a goal less. It's a goal less path. It's an it's an endless

path. It's a constant, working and looking at what is the truth

for myself, not the ultimate truth, but the truth for myself.

And

yeah, and I would say it's like, it's a bit the path I think I

experienced and more like an onion. It's like, we don't

really find the truth. We just discover what actually is

bullshit. And then you start to peel it away.

One little bit at a time. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, man. Yeah, thank you for being so transparent and, and

filling us in, I feel a lot of people who are giving back

helping out others today had to go through hell first, to

experience it firsthand. And to know, okay, this is actually how

it feels like, I'm not gonna learn it from a book how to help

other people, I'm gonna learn it by having to go through it

myself.

How important would you say is

your sexuality when it comes to mental health? How important it

is? To know about it? I mean, some people live a very asexual

life. Some people live a sexual life, but are very frustrated,

some people are very,

to which degree would you say Does it affect your your well

being

to know about your sexuality?

Why think sexuality is such a, it's such an interesting topic,

because

it's like this, it's, it's like,

it's one of these high sensation topics that just have a double

is like a double edge in a certain way, like it can, it can

either border into the direction of being an addiction, or it can

be bordering into the direction of

withholding this kind of pleasure from yourself and

starving to death.

Right? Like, it's like, we are this way, we are either sexually

starved, or we are overstuffed.

And I think that, that's, that's what makes this topic so two

faced, like it can appear like the devil or it can appear like

the, like an angel to you know,

it's a it's a highly polarizing topic. And I think any topic

that is so highly polarizing has a lot of potential to have you

grow as a person and,

and work your mind in what is truth for you, and what are ways

where we are

deluding ourselves.

And then sec, the other thing about sexuality is like,

there is a certain need to it.

There is a like, I think it's a it's a fact that we can, that we

need such sex that we need sexuality, whether we need the

act of sex, or not, is I want to leave that to the side for a

moment, but there is a certain reality to the fact that

without sex, we wouldn't be here.

Right? Like no one of us would be here without, without

sexuality without the energy of sex without the like sex is the

first energy that like ushers a new person into this world in

such a way and so there is a certain necessity to it. But

then there's also all the other aspects that are connected to

it. And one of these is for example, I mean, it's just think

about as a man, the hunger and the lust that you have towards a

woman like it draws you towards the woman because life itself

wants to reproduce itself wants to actually call on you to

create life. Right? But then also everything that goes with

it is like your energy as a man, your

your, the way you walk, the way you feel confident, like all of

these things are,

are connected to your sexual energy.

That makes so much sense and it's a it's a way of expressing

yourself as well. And if you are living in denial of it if you're

trying to suppress it, if you have like

Bad memories, was it? And are you trying to not have it in

your life anymore?

You're missing out on an opportunity to express yourself.

And it's it's very,

right I can write well, it's it blocks, not just the actual act

of sex, but it blocks also

your whole energy as a person. Yeah. Yeah. And that is so

underestimated. Like, if you look at marriage, when people

have been married for, I don't know, 10 years, 20 years, and

they think, yeah, it's just, it's just not that important

anymore.

But there's always a part of you who's like, Hmm, am I actually

being honest to myself? Or is it important, but I'm just too

scared to talk about it again. And like, it's, it's really,

it's so why is it so difficult to talk about it?

Do you think it's more difficult for men to talk about desires?

Or is it same for women as well? Why is it so hard to express

desire?

I don't I don't know if it's if it's harder, or easier for men

or a woman, I, I have nothing that I can compare it to?

Because I don't have, I'm just the gender that I am at the

moment. But I think that

so there's a

I think,

so that, to me, sex is very connected to to desire.

And then desire is, to me, this is a whole different subject

that is not easy to understand. But because it's so complex, so

complex desires, so complex, like, I

might have a desire to have a car, right. And then like, I

judged that as materialistic or a house, and I judge that as

materialistic, or I have desire to,

to kiss you or to go out for dinner, right? You can look at

all of these things and put them into different categories as

like, oh, that's your sexual, those are the things you want

sexually. But

how do you know that the car isn't actually also part of the

same realm, the same sexual desire, whether that is in order

to actually become the person that attracts the kind of woman

that your DNA is looking for, or a house that will provide the

kind of container that actually allows your partner to open up

and have sex with you like, I mean, think of birds, like they

first build a nest, and then they have sex, right? And I look

at it the same way, I think that every single desire, whether

that is my clothing, or my material desires,

or a desire for nourishing my body with a particular kind of

food, right? It all goes back to that

to that initial cell that like, thrives to grow. Yeah.

Right. And so if I have judgment in any of these areas,

it it blocks me from creating what I, what I am, what I'm here

to create, right, what I what I desire to create the life that I

want.

And I think there is a there's a, there's a holistic connection

between all of those things, and there's a certain

there's a certain order also in these things.

And if you start to like look at these as like, it's just a

certain kind of like form of energy that wants to come out

through your, you can start to be less in the way of it.

And the being less in the way of it is what actual vulnerability

is about.

Yes. And then expressing it and allowing it to come up and to

judge it.

Exactly. Yeah. It's one thing to learn to not judge us judge and

yourself anymore. And another to be scared of other people's

judgement once you express it and to have that confidence to

know that yes, this is what I desire, and I'm going to

communicate it and I don't give a fuck if it pisses off people

or not. I'm just gonna

Stand up for it is it's such a courageous act as well. Not just

vulnerable, but also very courageous. Right? And liberal.

Totally liberated super deliberating. Yeah. Yeah, I

totally.

Now, what you described earlier with building a nest that

Forward, forward movement, it felt like you were describing

masculine energy there.

To come to my next question, what do you think? Are we as a

society getting wrong about masculine sexuality? Or what is

it you feel? We urgently have to learn?

If we want to be intimate with a men, when it comes to sexuality,

is there with your clients? Do you see like a red line? And do

you see a pattern of things that could go better? And

relationships?

Yeah, yes.

So first of all, like the example that I that I said

before, like the example of like building a nest, I also want to

get rid of it again. No, because I don't believe actually, that

there's one particular

direction like that everybody should get like that sexuality

is just in service to having children, right? Yes, I don't

actually believe. I think I think our sexual energy is just,

it's just creating is its desire to create certain things, its

desire to create this reality. Having kids is just one aspect

of it. Yes. And

so.

The reason why it's so courageous is because we do

conceptualize these things. And then we say, let's say the Bible

says men and women should only come together and non

homosexuals, for example, right? Like there's a certain

conditioning, like an idea. Why is that? I mean, like, my

neighbor builds a house, right? And then like, he tries to

protect it. And only if that his neighbors to build in the same

way, right, is his thing safe. If someone builds something that

they don't understand, it becomes a threat. So that's kind

of like this kind of, like,

we build something and then we have an inbuilt protection

mechanism. And that protection mechanism,

is also the thing that conditions us into, everybody

should do the same thing. Because that's ultimately what

is safe.

And that is why it's so courageous to really listen to

your true desire, rather than to the conditioned version of

desire, because you've conditioned version of desire

will say, Build it exactly the same way your neighbors and your

family and your mother and father have done it. Yes.

So it's liberating to

go within yourself to one particular place. And that is

the place where you start to listen to what is really true

for yourself. And it takes a lot of work to figure out what is

just the

what is my authentic voice inside me, and what is just this

never ending mantra that is been handed down to me.

Right, and then learning the different to differentiate.

And when you when you start to be in tune with your authentic

desire, it is very non rational.

It isn't following a pattern. It is saying, I want this, I don't

know why. But I want this and tomorrow, you want something

else. And after maybe a few days or weeks, all of a sudden you

look back and be like, Oh, now I see how that makes sense.

But you kind of have to just like follow along and trust that

like, there is a certain kind of like electric current. And

that's actually how I identify it's like the truth is electric.

And it's uncomfortable. And it's this kind of like, I want this

what I don't dare to say

and if you follow that you get to create something that is

unique.

And

so here's a bit when it comes to men

Whether it's men or women

I think men are more likely to

be

rebellious or to go after what they hunger for.

And women,

I think women are starting to break out of that.

And I think we are starting to live in a time where like women

get to be like not women get to be important. Women are taking a

stronger stance for what they really want.

Right? And you kind of have to do that.

So

So thing when you ask the question

what do men want?

In bed? I think for you as a woman, that's a dangerous

question.

Because in that moment, you fall into the conditioning to please

the man

hmm.

And you in that moment, you lose the attention on what you

actually want.

So this is very new to me, and I'll have to ask

my focus then, should stay on myself on my desire on what I am

receiving from the man and not worrying at all about what he

wants, because he's going to follow his desire anyways. Did I

understand that right?

I don't know whether he does or doesn't like it might be or

might not be i i actually personally I value both I value

a man who really follows what he wants. And as a mole to like,

the things that he doesn't want.

But I also value a man who actually feels right with

himself feels good inside himself, and who is capable to

have his attention on

on the electric current that a woman actually has. Oh,

see, and that is something that you don't learn with porn you

don't hear about

in television or Hollywood I feel

Do you see that movies

usually portray like a very one sided picture of a man or

because I'm learning right now that there's like many, many

different ways of approaching sexuality and that men have both

like two sides as well if not more

from what I've learned about sex I would say it was very one

sided and not diverse at all. And I'm learning so much with

you right now.

What is it you feel women could could take away from this and

men as well?

When it comes to intimacy,

something that you feel mainstream media is not

seeing nothing about Yeah.

Do you know that moment when you when you let's say like you have

sex with someone, and then

you get to that point where you feel sensation on your genitals

and then what we do is, oh, there's sensation.

Let's let's get Wilder.

Right because we want to, we want to, we want to, like we

want to build that sensation up towards

the goal, which is the climax. Yeah.

What I invite everyone to do is when you feel that first like

this is always the thing like everybody does that like you you

connect and sex and you're looking for that first moment

where you feel sensation.

And then once you find that you speed up because you are look

into get to the climax, right the or what mainstream calls

orgasm, I don't call it orgasm, I call the climax, which is just

the peak experience where you have ejaculation where you have

this big explosive sensation, right? So you get to the first

moment you like your genitals connect, and after a while of

fucking you find that moment where you feel something.

And instead of speeding up,

slow down

and you will notice that, instead of rushing to the

climax, what you start establishing is,

it's like,

it's like rubbing a balloon against your head. And then you

try to make a little, and then you pull it a little bit of way,

and you can feel a static current in between the balloon

and your head. Have you ever done that as a child? Of course,

yeah.

So instead of like, smashing it and rubbing it harder, which

would kill the electric current, actually, that may pop the blue,

you actually just see whether you like how far can you draw

this thing away, without losing

the feeling of the electric current.

Then you see if you can ride this, how long can you hold this

connection

then what you will, what you will take from this is

that you can hold this to the point of walking away from each

other,

you can hold this to the point where your partner is blocks or

miles away and you still feel there, you still feel a

connection from your body to their body.

And everything in your life starts to become respective

respective of keeping that electric current inside your

body alive, keeping that connection inside your body

alive.

And that will that will set your whole life right

because you will start to notice what takes you away from this

connection and what keeps you inside of this connection. Yeah,

and that will basically it will revive your body it will bring

electricity and live into into places of depression

or into emptiness or into loneliness it will just start to

fill you up

man this is so beautiful not only to listen to you, but also

to see you like you You talk like an artist like a magician.

And it all totally resonates with with my soul

incredible how you just described that and I am sure our

listeners were able to follow as well even though they could not

see you. What I love most is that you talk about the goal

setting and being goal less. Right just what Brad was your

healing that you are goal less when it comes to your healing.

And with sex, it can be very similar that you don't rush to

some destination, but that you are present in the moment and

allow

things to happen. Like magic can only happen then when we're not

focused on a goal is that like do I understand that right?

Yeah, yeah, I mean if you have if you have a goal in mind what

the the like, here's the thing is like this might sound like

very

like

spiritual by actually it's it's actually not at all it's very

simple.

It's this that if you

if you sit on your if you have a goal in mind, you cannot

actually feel what you like, what is presently happening. If

you say I want to feel joy, or I want to feel excited.

But you are not right now right? You're like aiming to feel this

particular way. Yeah. So now I asked you, so, okay, you want to

feel this way, but how do you feel right now? Yeah. And then

most people? I don't know. Yeah, that's the problem is because

because of the goal, you cannot be present. Because you want to

feel a certain way you cannot be connected to how you actually

feel right now. Yeah. And so the the issue there is, you're not

really having sex, it's like, because your whole attention is

right now attached to being in this particular place that you

missed the whole show.

And that's when all these issues come up with like,

feeling a lack of meaning in your life feeling like nothing

really sent satiate or satisfies you. This because you're not

really there. Because of the goal, though. Hmm.

That makes total sense. Now, we're getting we're getting

closer to an end here. But what I would like to ask you last is

now desire and goal, like if we are aiming towards something,

let's say if not to say goal,

like how would you reward goal setting then,

because there is benefits to it, it can help you to be

consistent, it can help you to be disciplined. But I totally

get your point of, of missing the whole point. If you are too

far,

like focusing too far into the future, but how would we reward

that

instead of using boards,

you don't have to deny yourself, the you have a goal in mind you

this is a different angle on the head, like

you know, a meditator who's like now becomes a becomes a breath.

Like, focus, every focus goes on the breath and nothing else is

true. Like, that's also not, that's also not reality, like

you do have, we do have goals, we do Crais have cravings, we do

have desires to like they are all

sort of aimed into a certain

direction.

But it is the

like wanting to get there and forgetting that the present

moment is actually what's really happening. Hmm, that's a

problem. But being also just in this moment, and denying that we

are headed into any direction, that's just as much of a

delusion.

Like, have you when you speak to like meditators, you often get

the feel that they sort of lying to themselves.

Like really rigid meditators.

And it's, that's true, it's like, you don't disconnect from

your desires. You don't disconnect from the goal. It's

just like, alright, I noticed that there's something that I

want. And then also, like, I'm really fully connected to what

I'm what I'm actually dealing with right now.

And when you can hold your attention on both, that's when

that's when you start to become agile, and it's fun, and you can

move and facilitate things and you can play right and, and

that's why like I like because I think you asked about

male sexuality and like in pornography, I don't regard

pornography as something bad.

Neither Hollywood, right? Like, there are depictions of, like,

ideal state ideal things like

Right, like, they are a depiction of climax happening.

Every time you have sex. There's a like, intense climax or the

woman always intensely opens up and lets demand do whatever they

fucking want. Right? Or in Hollywood. Like it's always a

happy ending, right? Like,

just look at it for what it is. It's a it's an idealized version

of something, but it's not the full truth. Yes. That's

important if you Yeah, if you go into it, like I know that porn,

for example, has shown me certain games that are possible

to play

If you have consent, if you know how to do it, right, if you have

a play partner who is actually open to these kinds of things

and wants to explore in that way, then like, wonderful, you

have learned something there. Mm hmm. But yeah, I totally

understand what you mean about the playfulness and creativity.

I don't want to say but I want to say and, and

to keep a healthy distance to know that yeah, this is

Disneyland Disney World. And this is not always reality. It

is inspiring. It is fun. It is sometimes disgusting.

But that doesn't have to be the norm. And to know that this is

not what women expect. This is not what all men expect. But

it's kind of fun to explore. I totally agree. I totally agree.

Wow, actually, I know a lot of

I know a lot of people

that do expect, and women do expect. And it's actually, that

if you go into more sex positive communities, you you find people

that are very, in approval with their expectations. There's a

very common thing in sex positive communities, where

couples looking for a bull. Right? That's like, heist, a

high stamina kind of like, man who can just

like to be a machine, right.

And it's the thing the thing here is

and I think that's like, I think that's like a it's like a theme

also is there's a there's a large group of people that are

against porn, that hate porn. And

and I'm not defending porn, I really don't care. I don't care

if someone hates it. I don't care if someone disagrees with

me, that's totally fine with me. But I am coming from a place

where I say, I look at this

more internally. And I say, Why do I hate it? What in me hates

it, there is a certain upset, right the same way. And I just

turn this a little bit around, because I don't like to talk at

women for their hate against porn. But let's say I speak

about men hating women for not giving them what they want,

right? That's the, that's the flip side of the coin. It's

like, well, so me hating those women, right? Like, who don't

want to give or whatever, like, so what inside me is that hate?

Right? It's like, it's like, it's like the upset that I don't

get what I want.

It's my little inner five year old who's throwing a tantrum

that I'm not getting the the, the treat that I wanted, or the

red ball seen in the window, right? It's like, there's a

certain reality to this, I can actually be with myself in those

spots and learn that in order to have something that I want, like

the red ball and in the shiny red ball and the window, or the

sexy woman in the red dress, God knows what it is you want. But

you seem to not be able to have it. Instead of resenting that

thing. I can look at myself and be like, well, so what in me

prevents me from having a relationship with that thing?

What in me is it that like, gets so upset that I cannot have it?

There is a certain reality to like, oh, they want me to be

shining, or they want me to be looking a certain way. Okay. Do

I want to play that game?

Is this much worse to me, right? Like, if I want to have a

Ferrari like, like, I don't want to

care about a sorority, but like if I would want to, I have to

ask myself seriously the question, Am I willing to step

into the kind of games that would get me that Ferrari, but

then get fucking right with it rather than get resentful at the

world for not handing you everything on a golden platter?

Mm hmm. I love that. It's a very mature way of looking at it. I

like it.

And I think when it comes to the hate of porn than the

superficial illness, I think often it points to an upset that

someone hasn't given you the kind of attention that you were

looking for. So you hate the superficial because some part of

you didn't get seen, didn't get cared for didn't get met.

In a more vulnerable way, so you have to hate the superficial,

because you think that's all that is available?

I think that's so interesting in general, like, ask yourself, Why

do you hate certain things? Why are you in resistance to certain

things, not only porn, that's a big and great example. But but

all things, there's always a story behind. That is

interesting to, to hear, and those that wants to say, Hi.

This is so good.

What would you like? Is there something we want to conclude?

Is there something that you want to add?

After everything we've addressed today?

Something that you want to Yeah, give to my listeners. And right

after, we want to know how, how people can reach out to you and

where you post your beautiful posts, and yeah, how people can

reach you. But before that, is there anything you would like to

add? When it comes to masculine sexuality?

Intimacy? Yeah, yeah.

I think the,

I mean, like, this is not necessarily the,

the only path that leads you to

getting into a deeper connection with yourself, but that's what

it is about, it's like, getting into, like, into more intimacy

with yourself. And, and

I think any kind of intensely polarizing topic, whether that's

sexuality, or whether that is depression, or art, or

I mean, relationships, like all of these things, they are, they

all are a path,

to have a deeper relationship with yourself and all the

feelings that you have towards them. They, they can all be

potential to get to know to yourself, and I think that is

what is making these things so interesting and so meaningful,

really like. And I just encourage anyone who has a

some kind of like, emotional topic going on that they regard

this topic as something that can actually be a gift and a gate to

more depth to yourself. Yes, yes, I totally agree. And I'm so

incredibly happy that we were able to record this episode

together, because I knew you were going to be the best person

to talk about

these very important things and things that are part of

everybody, but it's just difficult to Yeah, understand

them at times to talk about them and to make sense. So I'm, I'm

deeply, deeply grateful for, for you being here. Would you like

to share with us

where people can reach out to you and where people are? Read

your posts? That would be lovely. Yeah.

I think at the moment, I'm most active, actually, just on

Facebook, and my name, there's Moritz, Mo, R, it is Zed.

Kirkman, K, RK, Ma. And then hood, page, O Li.

I also am active on Instagram.

Yeah, and the way people can work with me is I have two

membership groups. One I lead with my wife. It's called the

building honest relationships group where we work with couples

and help them really build authentic relationships that are

based on personal freedom.

And,

and the other offer that I have for men is the School of

intimate leadership. And yeah, it works with all the things

that we have just talked about. And of course, I do one on one

work, but I would say those two groups are probably the best

entry level to get started. And yeah, anyone can just reach out

to me on Facebook or an Instagram and write me a private

message and I usually answer very quickly and just start a

personal conversation. Yeah, that sounds amazing. All right.

you wonderful people out there. Don't hold back reach out to

Moritz. If you feel ready. If you feel in

Need to get to know yourself better and reveal the desire.

Yes desire.

And you my friend, you have exceeded my expectations like

usual every time we talked in the past in Germany.

I always felt like ah, it says a different angle on this and I

love how he expands people's minds and opens up people's

hearts.

Thank you so much. That was one