Hello, human collective.

Welcome to the Upside to Grief.

My name is Story, and I am your host.

And my name is Erica, and I'm your co host.

And this week, we are back with Sheri again to do a segment, and she has chosen to do Moments of knowing.

Yes.

Yeah.

So you want to tell us a little bit about what moments of knowing are?

Yes.

Moments of Knowing, for those of you who haven't seen the ones prior, are those times where we can feel our person's energy present, where it's like, that's what it has to be.

There's no way to explain it.

There's not.

Like, it's almost unexplainable, but, like, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've definitely experienced that.

And then we had Roseanne on the Upside to Grief, and that was the segment that she chose.

And there were some really powerful moments.

So, yeah, we're excited to hear about Sherry's experiences with that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you want to tell us about a couple.

Or maybe it can be one huge one.

It can be a couple ones.

Whatever you want.

Okay, so let me try to think.

I want to think of some good ones for you.

So I would say the first.

The first moment I knew my dad was, like, present, and there was no other explanation.

Right.

Was actually the night he died.

So we'll go into the details later.

Right?

Yes.

Okay.

So he passes away.

I'm there.

And I knew, like, as I'm walking up to the situation, I knew that my life was about to change forever.

There's, like, this wash that came over me of almost an empowerment that I can't explain in words, but I knew it was my dad.

Like, there's no other way I could have not just died in that moment, but I felt this rush of energy of, oh, shit, okay, this is my life now.

It's like the line was crossed, and I was moving into a completely different realm.

And it was powerful.

I mean, traumatic, of course, but, yeah, that's probably the main first one that I felt.

That's pretty powerful, too.

Like, especially right away on that day.

Like, that's intense.

It was super intense.

And it actually was as I was in my car still, like, as I was driving up and I saw him, it started happening.

It was otherworldly.

And, yeah, it.

I mean, moments after moments afterwards, you know, in the days following his passing, dealing with family members, you know, questions that they would ask, or being present for other people's grief in a way that I could just sit and hold space for them, which is like, I Just can't believe I was able to do that.

That also was my dad.

So more he comes through in moments, more of an empowerment.

It's like an empowerment feeling.

I can just feel him when he's swooping in and carrying me right to the next spot.

Like, here we go, you're doing this.

And here we go.

It's like that.

Giving you his courage.

Yes.

Yeah.

I love that so much.

I feel like I get those moments, too, like, where I. I don't know, especially a lot lately where I just feel like my dad's energy.

Like, I don't see those signs or anything, but I feel like his energy pushing me towards the answer a little further step on a path, and it's been.

It's been pretty cool.

But I've heard you share about some of the.

Those moments of knowing, like, that energy feeling like.

Like, you.

I feel like that's, like his essence.

Like, not like a clear, like, sign from him, like, you know, I don't know, feathers or whatever.

Yeah.

But like, you just feel him, right?

Yeah.

It's like a different type of moment of knowing.

Yeah.

But it's very much like, in that.

In that realm.

In that realm.

And it.

It reminds me of, like, kind of how I shared in chapter one where I was like.

It was like he was inside of me.

And I'm like, literally, how to explain it?

Yeah.

And I was, like, talking to my mom on the phone about it, and I'm like, I don't know how else to tell you this, but this is.

He was inside of me.

And she was like, I understand what you're saying.

And I was like, okay, great.

But, yeah, that's.

How else do you explain it?

Right.

And it's not something.

I mean, there's fears I walk through now that there's no way.

I.

It's just not me.

I mean, maybe it is now, but you're like, it's.

It's not just me, right?

There's no way.

No.

Yeah.

And it goes deeper than.

It goes deeper than the fact that you know your dad's daughter and you have, like, all these amazing, like, fiery tenacity.

Tenacity driven spirit.

Anyways, it's, like, more than that.

Yep.

So there was another time I was actually doing breath work one night, and I felt his DNA for the first time, like, truly realizing that I'm my, Like, literally, his.

His daughter.

Like, I know that sounds weird.

No, no, no.

I totally understand what you're saying, though.

I am his DNA.

And it was so beautiful because I Realized I'm with him, he's with me 100 of the time.

So that realization was a knowing that he's always with me.

It sucks when they're not in the physical.

It really does.

But there's.

You come into this space of understanding about death and their role in your life.

That's like, I know both of you understand what I'm saying.

It's like nothing can touch it on this realm.

It's something you have to experience when they transition.

It's very powerful.

I love that.

Yeah.

It's like.

You know what's cool about that part is because I can't remember who told it to you, but somebody said that to you, that you're like, you have your dad's DNA.

And I remember them vocalizing.

That was one of those moments of knowing where it kind of just like, you know, when we hear something over and over, but then we hear it that one time, and it sinks in.

That was a moment for you.

And then a further.

It further, like, ingrained in you when you were doing that breath work.

Like, that's really crazy that it had, like a.

It had multiple steps or multiple phases of knowing.

I know.

Because you.

If you don't understand something until it, like, really trickles down.

Yeah.

Sometimes it takes a moment.

Right.

Ooh, sorry.

Just process.

Yeah.

It, like, starts up here, and then it just, like triggers.

Trickles down.

Yeah.

Layers.

And then it becomes you, and you're like, oh, okay.

Yeah.

It's like, filtering down through other moments of knowing.

Just a cascading effect.

Cool.

Wow.

Do you have any moments of knowing that are, like, where you've seen your dad's face or other moments that are kind of like, random, that are like one off moments?

Let me think.

I would say.

I would say when.

When I'm having a hard time with a person, my dad's face, like, I can.

You know, I have my dad's picture everywhere in my house.

His.

His essence and his, like, his face and his energy.

It shows up right when I need it.

And so it's random moments.

But it's like when I'm having a hard time with my daughter or when I'm having a hard time with a family member, or when I am feeling unsafe, he shows up.

So it's like.

And it makes me cry because then I miss my dad.

You know, I, like, lose my shit.

And that's all I want when I'm feeling that way.

But it's neat that that's when he shows up.

For me, it's like, you know, that's a moment of knowing that he's.

He's just right there, right on time.

It's like, what would my dad do?

I know that sounds cheesy.

What would Alex.

But, like, really.

But really, that's what it is.

Like, if I'm going through something, I'm.

I'm just take a moment to think, like, what would he want me doing in this moment?

You know?

And then there's the dad on this side, and then there's the dad in the spirit world.

I was just about to ask you about that.

So is this.

This is cool.

It's a big deal for me realizing, like, if somebody asks me, hey, how would your dad feel about that?

Because people.

I've had some pretty controversial life choices.

You know, I've done some things that people question, which I.

That's cool.

They can question it.

But I've had people actually ask me, like, what would your dad think?

And I say, well, in this realm, he would.

He would think one thing, and on the other side, he thinks something else.

Like, I really feel that's a moment of knowing.

Like, knowing if he was alive in the physical, he would be saying very specific thing to me.

But in the spirit world, where there's no attachments, no fear, no worry, it's something much more empowering.

Yeah.

Something much more clear.

There's no fog around it.

It's not like he's worried about me.

You know, don't do that, because you're going to hurt yourself.

You're going to be in pain.

It's, like, so different.

So that's, like, a cool thing to think about.

In moments when I have a question about a question, you know, a decision I'm making, knowing what he would say.

This side and that side.

Yeah.

I remember you telling me that before my dad died and, you know, being like, oh, wow, that's.

That makes perfect sense, but not fully, like, understanding the gravity of that.

And then when my dad died, I knew exactly what you meant, because I.

And just as an example, like, if I'm going through something hard, I can think of, you know, what my dad would say in the physical.

More sassy, more his personality.

Or maybe a little bit more gruff or rough around the edges.

And then I feel his answer and his energy or those moments of knowing come up in such different ways.

Like, it comes from a place of pure love.

Right.

No judgment, no attachment.

Exactly.

As you said.

And I think that that's so interesting because it's both.

Clearly him.

Yeah, very clearly him and Both can be true.

And I feel like that's just amazing.

Like, what I believe is, like, that's how the soul works.

Like, we just were multifaceted even after we leave our physical.

So, yeah, it's really amazing.

Yeah.

And, you know, I can't say that I've made decisions based on what he would say in this realm, like, at all.

I usually go with the other.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'm just not afraid of things that much anymore.

That's the other thing is that fear.

Not the fear of, like, my.

Like, taking care of my safety and the people around me, you know, that kind of normal fear.

But I know that I can walk through anything.

Like, any hard.

You know, like, things that would have kept me so in fear that I wouldn't have done it.

That is completely not.

The fear's not gone, but that holding back is gone.

Yeah.

That.

That part's removed from me.

And that happened pretty quick after he passed away.

I don't know if it's because of the traumatic scene and, like, what I walked through that removed a part of that fear for me, but I am grateful for it now.

Yeah.

Not much scares me as far as trying new.

Yeah.

It's like, oh, yeah, I'm afraid.

Good.

Let's do this.

Yes.

Yes.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

Fear is the guide.

Yeah, I know, right?

Yeah.

Best teacher.

Oh, really, though.

That's why I am, like.

That's why I tell people fear is literally what that is.

What you're.

You're.

You're pointing in the direction of where you're supposed to go.

Yeah.

That's the growth right there on the other side.

Yeah.

It's not supposed to be a deterrent.

It's supposed to be that screaming sign that says, come this way.

Like.

Yeah, I love that.

I'm very much about that.

Yeah.

And I know that's a definite moment of knowing that.

My dad has instilled that in me.

That for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then you have that always.

Yes.

Yeah.

So.

So kind of fun fact about moments of knowing where the whole, like, knowing came from was actually when I came to your house one time, I think it was for a sound bath, actually.

And I was explaining.

I think I was telling you about what had happened in San Francisco when I went on my trip.

I think that's what I was telling about talking to you about, and I was trying to explain what was happening, and I was like, I don't know.

It's like.

Like, I just knew, like, knowing, and you were like, yeah, knowing.

Knowing.

And, like, that's where that kind of stemmed from.

And then you told me that I should do a journal of knowing.

That's what you said to me.

You're like, you should do a journal of knowing.

And I was like, oh, you're probably right.

Yeah, I should.

But, like, the whole, like, knowing and then, like, explaining, like, what these moments are and then coming up with this as one of the segments as moments of knowing, like, strung from that conversation with you, actually.

Yeah.

I remember you telling me you were walking through the forest.

The rain.

Is this what we're talking about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the other girl did not get rained on.

So that, like, weird, that feeling.

Okay, so I try to, like.

I try to describe deja vu, right?

The.

The.

The feeling of deja vu.

It's kind of like that, like, I just feel like you're, like, in perfect alignment in those moments when you feel that you know something that you can't explain.

It's like, bam.

Yeah.

There's no resistance.

Right.

Feels like we enter some kind of weird, liminal space, like, where.

Yeah.

There's nothing pushing back, and we just know.

Yeah, you just know.

And you're just like, I know something.

I know.

I know something.

You don't know.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's cool.

Thank you for sharing that.

Do you still keep the journal?

I make videos, actually.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

That's her version of journal.

Yeah, that is my version of journals.

Yeah.

I have a compilation of videos that I keep in a little folder on my phone.

Yeah, I don't know.

Cause I feel like I do it when it's, like, right after, so those emotions are really present in that video.

So then when I go back and watch them, I'm like.

It's like I can feel it all over again.

And, like, just makes it feel more like.

I mean, easier to connect with that emotion when I can see myself in that emotion.

Oh, yeah.

You access that point in time again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That makes complete sense.

Yeah.

So I just have videos of myself talking to myself and Ken.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's actually pretty inspiring.

Maybe.

Maybe we should start doing that.

Yeah, I've.

I've done tiny little bits, so I know this is kind of off topic, but I remember seeing a video and I was like, okay, I'm gonna.

Gonna make this video because I'm getting a moments of knowing thing.

And it was actually interrupted in a weird way.

Like, I was about to.

I don't even know how to describe this.

I was basically gonna Ask my dad, like, if he was with me and, like, present with me.

And I was like, give me a sign.

And basically the video that I was, like, thinking about was.

I don't know if you guys have seen this, but the person calls out to their person who they've lost, like, just to see what it feels like.

Because, you know, they're not going to answer back.

But, like, just, you know, as if they're in the other room, just like, calling out to them to come here, you know?

And I did that.

And I don't know what I was thinking or, like, what I expected to happen, but right then and there, Jim came in.

Jim walked through the front door.

And I was just like, oh.

And it's like a different kind of, like, knowing.

Cause, like, I just know my dad, he fucking loved Jim.

And he didn't get enough time with him.

But, like, that was like, a little moment of knowing in, like, a really roundabout way.

But I was really scared to, like, say it.

Cause I didn't want to, like, feel that pain of knowing he wouldn't answer.

And then Jim walked through the front door.

I didn't know he was coming home either.

And so I just stopped the video right there.

And I was like, okay.

That was it.

Hi, dad.

Thanks.

Yeah, I have a cool one to share on kind of that.

Similar topic.

But so, you know, I was never gonna get married again.

Yeah.

Like, I was very.

Not gonna happen.

Okay.

So I.

And I kept saying, don't.

You know, like, he would ask me.

He would kind of throw, like, just like kind of testers.

Testers out to see how I would react and be like, no.

You know.

And then one time he asked me so.

Or he said, this is.

This is my idea.

I'm thinking we date for a year, we're engaged for a year, and then we get married.

And I didn't say anything.

And so I might have said, oh, that sounds good or something.

But it was barely anything.

But it wasn't.

No.

So he asked me to marry me.

Asked me to marry him on our year anniversary.

And so after the fact, he's telling me about going to the jewelry store, right?

And he picks out my ring.

And the employee brings his free gift out, you know.

Oh, you get this free gift with this.

With the purchase of this ring.

And it's a lion pendant.

And my dad's a Leo.

My dad's like, lion energy through and through.

Anyone who knows.

Even the hair.

Yeah.

Just everything.

He is like a Leo.

Classic Leo.

And yeah, he.

He brought this necklace Out.

And James just, like, looked at the guy, and they were like, well, do you not like it?

We have other stuff you can choose from.

And he was like.

He was just so shocked.

He just.

And I just know for a fact, I mean, what are the odds?

Yeah, that's not.

And the.

The pendant says there are no mountains too great.

What were you just talking about?

Like, fear.

Yay, mountain.

Gonna climb it.

So, yeah, he showed up for.

For James, and he never got to meet him, so.

Yeah.

That's wild.

Sorry that we don't have a better word for that, but just like, wow.

Yes.

And he shows up for James, like, over and over in moments like that.

Yeah.

Really specific coming through, like that lion.

So, yeah, next time you see him, look at his neck.

His necklace is badass.

I'm like, yes, dad.

Okay, good, fine.

I'll marry him.

You're like, okay, I guess so.

That one is a really fun moment of knowing.

Cause it's part of your story, but that's, like, James's moment of knowing.

Yeah.

So cool.

I know, right?

And mine, too.

I mean, I felt like, okay, I got my dad's blessing.

That's.

Yeah.

No words again.

That's.

That on this side and that side thing.

Yeah.

You know, on this side, he'd be saying, finish school.

Don't be distracted.

Don't.

You know?

And on that side, he's.

I can feel he's like, just, yes.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Be loved.

Love.

Take care of yourself.

Follow your heart.

Follow your heart.

So, yeah, I love that.

Yeah.

Moments.

I love moments when I.

They make life better.

They really do.

I mean, I feel like that helps you move through some serious, like, grief.

Sorry, go ahead.

No, you go.

I feel like you have to.

I mean, sometimes they hit us in the face, like, really hard.

But I also feel like you have to, like, cultivate the moment, like, the knowing, too.

I feel like that's an important part of it, too.

Because, for example, my.

With my dad's side of the family, their mom is, like, represented as a ladybug.

So, like, you know, you could have ladybugs appear at any moment in time.

Right?

But there's, like, giving yourself that gift, like when a ladybug, like, lands on you or, like, shows up in, like, a place where you're just having a hard time or maybe even talking about her, just acknowledging, like, okay, yeah, I see you and, like, just taking that moment to be grateful for it.

I feel like that mentality of gratitude just, like, kind of brings you up a level, too.

So that.

That Person who we've lost gets.

Gets access to, like, show up more almost, like, definitely.

I just feel like you have to do that.

Otherwise you're not gonna see, like, the magic in everyday life or your person coming through and still being with you.

Whether that's like, you embodying their personality or things that they did or actually seeing, like, those big bam moments where you're like, okay, that couldn't be anything but that.

Sure.

But, yeah, I feel like you really have to, like, hone in on the little things too.

And I think that's one of the reasons that I don't know if you.

This was like, consciously or unconsciously because journaling is such a powerful tool anyways.

But, like, telling you to journal those moments so that you recognize them and give them life and give them the attention that they deserve so that you could keep getting more.

I feel like that's really important.

Otherwise we're just gonna miss it.

Yeah.

I mean, it kind of along the same lines as the law of manifestation.

Like, if you want abundance and you find a penny on the ground and you pass it by.

Right.

Yeah.

So a penny on the ground and you create a space where you're.

You're giving a moment of abundance, your gratitude, and then it creates a space and it grows and it grows and then you.

It's like a string.

It's like the quantum field connecting.

It's the same thing.

I feel like.

Yeah, that's.

Yeah, it definitely is.

I. Yeah.

The signs.

The signs, we have to manifest them.

Yeah.

Really?

It's like.

It's definitely a thing.

There's.

There's things out there for it about it.

Yes.

But, yeah, I think cultivating it is super important too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So let's see.

Any other moments of knowing?

I would say in parenting my children, that happens a lot.

It happens a lot because.

I don't know.

I've never had an 18 and 20 year old before.

Yeah.

It's your first time?

My first time.

I've never had a child go to college before.

I've never had, like, you know, these things happen.

So I definitely check in to ask.

What.

What would you want me doing?

What?

How do you want me treating my son now that he's moved?

What boundaries should I have?

Like, I call on my dad all the time for stuff like that, and then I just know it's the right thing.

Even though it's hard, this stuff is not easy, but knowing that it's the right thing and what I'm supposed to be doing is it helps yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

I love moments of knowing because I feel like that it is the upside.

Like, it's a part of the upside of grief.

Yeah.

You know, the silver lining.

The upside.

Definitely.

I mean, you can find it in.

Any moment, and it really, like, it brings you.

Present presence is everything.

And you know what's the coolest thing ever is going backwards.

Going backwards into and into a moment and re.

Bringing it.

Just finding something new in a moment.

You know, something that.

Ground zero is what I call it, which I'm writing a book, by the way, which won't be done for another 15, 20 years, but okay.

But anyway, it's like, stay tuned for.

Sherry's book drop in 20 years.

Yeah.

We'll link it below.

On all major streaming platforms.

But literally, I call it ground zero.

Like, the moment of death ground zero.

It's like, certain things happen, and you can go backwards.

You can go back and recreate and reframe and find gifts that you didn't miss, but you weren't supposed to see them yet.

Yeah, right.

They're there, but you're just not supposed to see them yet because you have, like, trauma to walk through and other fun things.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Just.

It's not time yet.

I've had it.

I'm already having those moments, like when you were sharing before about, like, how your dad would be on this side and how he would be on this side.

I'm having, like, layers exposed to me as you're sharing, and I'm just like, oh, I can't.

I can't wait to stop recording so I can process this in my head.

I'm already having, like, cool layers revealed, and I feel like perspective is everything.

It really is.

You get to, like, create your own story and, like, find out those little nuggets that you left for yourself.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I'm so excited for your book.

You'll be waiting a while.

That's okay.

I'll keep that excitement high.

I'm gonna follow my highest excitement.

That's right.

Anticipation.

And maybe you'll push me along.

Mm.

Cause this is another thing.

My father, like, since I was a kid, I'm a writer.

I write, and he used to tell me, you're gonna.

You need to write a book.

You need to write a book.

I would, like, win poetry contests and stuff at school, and he would just think I was, like, Einstein.

Okay.

It's such a dad.

Love, like, so, so much.

He wanted me so bad to write a book.

So that's like, I'm finally doing things cool.

Slowly but surely.

I'm so proud of you.

That's so cool.

Thanks.

Well, thank you so much for sharing your moments of knowing.

I know there's so many other ones technically, especially.

Yeah.

Just being aware of them, but those were some really cool ones.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for coming back on and sharing them with us.

Of course.

Yeah.

And I'm gonna start doing a video journal of them.

Oh, yes, please do.

I'll send you little clips.

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

Fangirling.

Okay.

Well, thank you so much for tuning in, and we will see you guys next week.

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