[Dr. Rashara]

But when you started to deconstruct some of the stuff, what were some of the things, you know, was it thoughts? Was it conversations? Was it thoughts of yourself? What were you holding onto that you realized you didn't know that you were saying to yourself and that you were holding onto? What are some of those things? The fun, the funny thing is, I had went through therapy about my mother-daughter issues and realizing I had been proving myself proven and proven and proven myself over and over and over again. And having to say, okay, who am I proving myself to now? Because all of it was about proving myself, about sh.. telling people and helping them understand I'm worthy, I'm worthy; I'm worthy, I'm worthy. And not acknowledging it within myself and knowing it, fundamentally knowing it for myself, that I'm worthy and I got this, and I'm smarter than the average bear. And oh well, I'm curvy and pretty. Wonderful, it's a wonderful thing. And to have that joy.

[VO]

Welcome to Why She's Winning with your host Christy Rutherford, a master of office politics and self-care advocacy. Christy's clients have received over 10 million in salary raises in a pandemic, surprised that women are still getting paid during these challenging times. It's possible for you too. You can have it all. If you believe you deserve it, Christy and her guest will assist you with that; let's get started.

[Christy]

Welcome everyone to, Why She's Winning. I'm your host, Christy Rutherford, and today we have the amazing Dr. Rashara Givhan. Did I say your name right?

[Dr. Rashara]

Yes, You did.

[Christy]

All right. Dr. Rashara Givhan is a Boeing Defense Space and Security. She has over 25 years experience. She's been with Boeing for over 19 years, working in various leadership functions across multiple platforms for functional engineering research and test training systems and defense business units. She led business architecture opportunities to the tune of over 55 million dollars to saving over 55 million dollars, driving efficiencies in infrastructure and process initiatives. She's a senior software manager in autonomous aircraft. Prior to joining the Boeing team, she was a program lead and technical lead for Lucent Technologies, Al Patel, and NASA. Okay. I mean, y'all better recognize who on this line. Rashara holds a Bachelor of Science Degree and Electrical Engineering. Did I get that right? Cause you got the acronyms. All right, great, from Tennessee State, a Master's in Electrical Engineering from the University of Tennessee, an MBA from St. Louis University, and a Ph.D. with a focus in Engineer Management from Walden. With the completion of her dissertation, she has authored three books titles: "Developing Learning Organizations for the Next Generation," Finding Function in a Dysfunctional What?

[Dr. Rashara]

Organization?

[Christy]

Great. And "Corporate Lifecycle and Product Lifecycle Alignment." She's also a partner in “Can You Fit Me In” Software platform. In addition to owning her own software platform, she's just the greatest. I can go on, I mean, all day. My God. Welcome Rashara!

[Dr. Rashara]

Thank you.

[Christy]

All right. So. Hey everybody. So Rashara, tell us what was going on with you when you initially reached out, you know to do something different.

[Rashara]

Wow. Fundamentally I was just fed up with where I was in my career. I wasn't getting where I thought I wanted to be, where I knew I wanted to be, where I needed to be. Doors weren't opening for me. I was trying to figure out how do I get past the barriers that continued to plague me and thinking it was all external and it had nothing to do with me. It was all of them. So that's what turned me. I said, okay, maybe she's got something here. And then I did see the highlight of, okay, 90 days, 50,000. Mm, okay, we gonna see how this go. We gonna see how this go.

[Christy]

Okay. So initially, your thought was, it's them.

[Rashara]

It's them.

[Christy]

Is, you know, because that's easy to blame everybody else to than to look in the mirror. You got a million degrees. So I'm almost sure. So what did I say to you that was intriguing to you when we had our phone call? What did I say? Because I'm already sure I gave you a knuckle sandwich, But go ahead, what did I say?

[Dr. Rashara]

The question you asked me was about my degrees and my awards and stuff. And she's like, what, you asked me where they were? And I had to think for a minute cuz I forgot. I-- they were hidden in a bag in my closet down at the bottom of the closet that I had just kind of piled all of them in and said, okay they here, because I had many, many moons ago, I had used them to drive some behavior in my kids 'cuz I coached basketball on the side. But I just kind of put 'em in a bag and put 'em in the closet. And when you asked me that, I'm like, okay, yeah, I got 'em. And then you asked me why they not on the wall? And I'm like, Uh, I dunno.

[Christy]

Wait, wait. Was this the first conversation or the six-week-later conversation?

[Dr. Rashara]

That was in the first two weeks. Okay. That was in the first two weeks. And I was kind of thinking about. I have no clue, and I didn't understand. And then I realized by the time that six week came about, I realized I wasn't acknowledging who I was. I wasn't living---

[Christy] Hold on. Let's not fast forward. Hold on; I gotta break it up. I gotta break it up 'cause this is a process of understanding. First, you have a great opportunity, right? You know, in your organization, right? And, you know you're an electrical engineer. There's not that many sisters out there being in Engineering. So there are challenges that happen in organizations. And this is a thing. Rashara is, there are two truths that are going on. And a lot of times when I talk about my career, I had a great time, but I also had hell.

[Dr. Rashara]

Does that make sense?

[Christy]

I had great leaders also had some jerks. You know, I was harassed, but I also had some unhealed baggage that I was dragging around. So yeah, everybody's gonna push my buttons cause I got a million buttons. I'm exposing my emotions and my pain all day. So you thought everybody else, and you couldn't get ahead, and that was your story. And it was strong too. And then, I started reading your degrees talking about like how merch, you know, I'm sure I was probably cussing on the phone, like, oh, you got all these degrees. So what was your biggest aha, right? When it came to doing the work, Who was your coach? And then, what was the biggest aha when you started to look at yourself in the mirror?

[Dr. Rashara]

Cathy was my coach. And looking at myself, not realizing that my childhood trauma, mother-daughter relationships, and stuff like that was really impacting how I was showing up and going through the content, going through the questionnaires, going through, I had to sit back and really think, okay what behaviors are being impacted by what I'm feeling? At those lower levels, that's coming out when I walk in the room and take some time to deconstruct all of that and understand how it was impacting me.

[Christy]

So are you willing to, okay? I still, I, Stephanie, ain't mean to spell your name wrong. Stephanie is here, you know Stephanie Banks, you know Stephanie, amazing. Ask me how I spell your name wrong, Stephanie. I'm sorry, girl. So what did you learn? If you're willing to share, if you don't wanna share it, be like mind the business, but when you started to deconstruct some of the stuff, what were some of the things, Was it thoughts? Was it conversations? Was it, you know, thoughts of yourself? What were you holding onto that, that you realized that you didn't know that you were saying to yourself and that you were holding onto? What are some of those things?

[Dr. Rashara]

The fun, the funny thing is, I had went through therapy about my mother-daughter issues and realizing I had been proving myself proven and proven and proven myself over and over and over again. And having to say, okay, who am I proving myself to now? Because all of it was about proving myself, about sh.. telling people and helping them understand I'm worthy, I'm worthy; I'm worthy, I'm worthy. And not acknowledging it within myself and knowing it, fundamentally knowing it for myself, that I'm worthy and I got this, and I'm smarter than the average bear. And oh well, I'm curvy and pretty. Wonderful, it's a wonderful thing. And to have that joy, that freedom, and that joy really helped me transition my mindset and behavior and how I actually show up every day and not disgruntle in me because y'all not recognized. And I'm great.

[Christy]

Hey, Christy Rutherford over here. Do you wanna learn how to ask for and get a 30% raise without getting another degree? Look, black women are the most educated and the least paid. I should tell you that math is not math, and the degree is not the path to the next level. It's actually learning how to articulate the value and take credit for the work that you've already done. So I wanna invite you to get my free case study at changenow@christy.com. Just get the information, use it, and take the money out of the hands of your employers and put it into your household because you already deserve it. You just have to know how to ask for it. Again, changenow@christy.com. I can't wait for you to get this insight. Use it and get the money that you deserve. Take care.

[Christy]

You know, I always say every time I say I'm gonna do it rash, and then I be like, and people be like, do it. One day I'm gonna write an article on why black women are the most educated and the least paid. And you, and you're nailing it. Like I keep proving it again and again and again. Not with my words but with my actions and our results. We got receipts over here, baby. So you got a million degrees. Did y'all need to read the list again? Right? And the degrees are in the bag, somewhere in the closet. Hey, Dr. Rashara, more awards than she can hang on her wall talking about I need to buy a new house. We were just having that conversation. She gotta get a new house to be able to hang up all of her greatness, which we gonna talk about shortly. And it wasn't enough because you're trying to prove to everybody through your work that you're good enough, never stopping to realize that you made it.

[Dr. Rashara]

Nope. Had no clue. Had no clue because somewhere in my head, I hadn't made it somewhere in my head. I still had to prove myself. And so it took some steps back. I took some steps back and said, whoa, wait a minute, It's just so yeah, silly girl. What you doing? What am you doing? Enjoy your life. You done it. You have done it. You, you good. Enjoy it.

[Christy]

You made it like you made it 25 years ago.

[Dr. Rashara]

And didn't even realize it. So then the... Once I got into that feeling comfortable about it, communication, everything that I had struggled somewhat with in regard to my interactions at work, and everything went away. It all went away. My me being able to think on my feet and answer things without seeming intimidated or feeling like I was being harassed or all that kind of stuff, all that went away. I was able to get the, well, I didn't get the full 50, but, well, I think I probably did. I just need to add the numbers up. But I did get the 50K and 90-day change, and I was like, whoa, And then I looked at my entire list of things that I was working on and trying to attract it to my presence. And pretty much everything on the list came through the door in that 90-day timeframe. And I was like, okay, this has all been internal and me and my madness, and so let me deal with my madness and get out of the way of myself. And I was planning me a trip. I was like, okay, lesson learned, lesson learned, time to roll.

[Christy]

I'm about to be break dancing over here if I ain't think it was going. Mess up my necklace and my shirt. So, you know, I love it when y'all proved me right? I can't get enough. It's not that hard to get what you want, right? And I tell women that all the time, and they don't believe me. Like it is, you know, Kafisha talk about pie in the sky. You selling snake oil; you lying. Like, y'all have everything you need. You just need a couple of tweaks. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. We need to figure out what's stopping you from seeing how great you are. Once you see a game over, we get out the way. Right?

[Dr. Rashara]

Right.

[Christy]

So what advice do you have for women who think that they need another degree?

[Dr. Rashara]

Oh God, No.

[Christy]

But I gotta back out. What? Like, because Dr. Dr oh, Judge Terry, and I were talking last week. It was, it was so good. If y'all ain't watched with Judge Terry, you gotta watch. Like, she was like, Krissy, I was gonna get another MBA. Judge Terry got more degrees than you.

[Dr. Rashara]

She is my cohort. I know

[Christy]

Both of y'all. So what advice do you have for women who think that they need another degree to get this money?

[Dr. Rashara]

Stop. Stop, stop the madness. Take the time to reflect. Really engage your own behaviors, and really, what are you trying to prove with another degree, really? I mean, if you're spending money just to spend money, you can do something else with that. Give it to the poor. I just don't take that money and go and get another degree. If you got a boatload on your wall, understand who you are and God already what he has already given you as far as your IP, where you are in that process, what that means to the world, and how you have already contributed. And there is no real need at all for you to get another degree. I think sometimes we are so busy. We are still in the mindset of proving that we're just as good as others. You are, period. And in some cases, you better, you are a whole lot better than those out there and recognize it, and it's okay to walk in it.

[Christy]

So I got so many notes. I got so much; we got so much to unpack. It's so little time. So you talked about intellectual property like we're walking around giving away our, putting our intellectual prop. Don't even put a price tag on it at all. Dr. Rashara, you know, we're giving away our time and our energy, and the best part of ourselves for volunteer projects.

[Christy]

We didn't get paid for it. Right? And so once you, so let's talk about what was the turning point moment because I remember the turning point moment in week six. I came on the line yelling. This was the same call that I was talking about with Dr. Terry. It was dark. I'm driving from Alabama to Atlanta, right?

[Dr. Rashara]

She stopped at Panera Breeze.

[Christy]

In the parking lot talking about, oh no, y'all gonna get it. So what was that turning point moment, that shift for you? That thing that you hadn't done that you finally did in week six that we made you stop and do? What was that?

[Dr. Rashara]

I went on and put my stuff on the wall. I put the awards on the wall and the degrees I had; I put three awards, all that I had already framed, ready to go on the wall. My other, my, my overall degrees, they was like I said, they weren't, they had nothing.

[Dr. Rashara]

They weren't in the bag. They had a little, little book thing. They come in, and I said, okay, I 'gotta get these framed; I'm tripping. And I started looking around my house, and I'm like, I got basketball awards. I got all kinds of awards that just kinda stuck in the back of something because I just, I don't know, I wasn't, I didn't understand them.

[Christy]

So you, you had just gotten like a lifetime achievement award or something. And Cathy always joked that you were holding up your table like your table wobbling. One of your awards was like under the table, helping it not wobbled, right? So I was like, hang up all your awards. And you were like, what? I was, you was like, went now 'cause you haven't done it. I want you to go through everything; hang 'em all up. You got your hammer and.

[Dr. Rashara]

I started hanging up with wars, and then I ran out of wall space. So then I was like, okay, do I wanna put 'em all around the room? Do I just wanna put 'em on one wall? And that's where I am now trying to figure out do I put him on one wall and cover the wall from top to bottom, or do I wanna put him on at least three walls? Cause I got a window.

[Christy]

So let's pause right there. You are an award-winning leader. Like multiple awards like Bayer, Nesbyen, Boeing from 20 years ago. Does that make sense?

[Christy]

Awards, my bill lab awards. I just was like, A million degrees, and they all in bags and boxes. So I was like, pan put 'em all up tonight. You were sweating; you came on the line, you were sweating. I was like-- I find them; you was sweating, y'all sweating looking. Hey, she was standing up in the chair. I said we hang up, right? You standing up on the chair, you like got the nail in the wall, right? You're like beating it in the wall. And then y'all, she had to figure out, do I wanna put 'em all on one wall? Cause I got a window am my space. Am I just gonna hang it all and just have one wall of war that don't really look that aesthetically pleasing to boozy women, right? Or am I gonna try to get 'em, you know, I gotta get 'em framed, and they gotta be perfect? Michael's charging a million dollars for framing, and that's gonna take another couple weeks. I said I don't care. Tape it. I don't care what happens. You better put 'em on that wall. So

[Dr. Rashara]

I tape 'em to, I taped them with the little, little folder, and then I said, okay, I'm going to get these framed. And so I've gotten them prayed. I have a few of them. I put the frames around, and I'm like, okay, they too big now. [crosstalk]

[Christy] It was to my space on the wall. Cause you got so many.

[Dr. Rashara]

Okay, I gotta, I gotta put this, I gotta make it work for myself. But I put the major things, all the major, all the Black Engineer of the Year award is, on the wall along with my degrees. They are there, the VIP awards. Who's who awards for they're going up around them? So I can have them looking like somebody just didn't throw some stuff on the wall.

[Christy]

So, let's talk about once you put 'em on the wall, then now you can look at how great you have been. Does that make sense? Like, you've been great for a long time, you just didn't know it because you're continuing to work, work, work, work, work to prove people wrong and to get people to see that you have value and you ain't even owning it for yourself.

[Dr. Rashara]

Mm-hmm.

[Christy]

Hey, Christy Rutherford here. I want to tell you about my resume course, how to use the superpower method to write an irresistible resume to land you a high-paying job. If you can't figure out why you can't get to the next level, if you think that they are a bearish to your success, that's not it. If you haven't learned how to adequately take credit for the work that you've done, if you don't know how to articulate it and even give it to a resume writer that you've paid $3,000, $4,000, $5,000 to, if you haven't given them the right information, then how can they output something that is of quality and value? So go ahead, get this course is less than $50, get the information, use it, and write an irresistible resume that will get you the salary that you deserve today. So click on the link, on around this video or go to the superpowermethod.com, get it, use it, get paid what you deserve today.

[Christy]

So then, once you own it for yourself, then what happened? Like how long? And then what happened? Because it wasn't that long when everything started to pop off. Go ahead.

[Dr. Rashara]

Once I really started owning it for myself. That's when all the floodgates of what I wanted began to appear. All of my desires, all the things that I had written down, all the things, just, just goals I had just began to appear, to unveil themselves for opportunities. And I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Christy]

So Kathy's watching you. So tell me about, I wanna, I do wanna, I'm gonna stay on this, and then I'm gonna go back to the group. So you became what we call overwhelmed with opportunity. When it all hit you all at the same time, you been like, slow down. No speed up. No. Wait, I asked for this. Oh my god, it's happening so fast. So what was that like for you to not have to work for it, and stuff just started to show up? Like what was like, what is that feeling like? Because I talk about this all the time on shower, people think I'll be smoking, and you know, I like to drink coffee though, but I'm like, it is possible cause y'all have it all. Go ahead.

[Dr. Rashara]

I just meant I was dancing every day. Me, Andrea Ivy, and Mary J had a party just dancing because I was like, woo, brown skin, let's go another good day. Another good day. And yeah, at first, it was overwhelming. I'm like, oh man, I'm getting this, and this is happening. That's happening. Cuz I was able to get into an incubator for my code and it, all of it stuff I wanted, and got a plan together of how I wanted to actually move forward. And that, that's being de delivered to me. I'm getting, I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Boy, it's coming along nicely, nicely. So another thing that you did that I was like, what? When she told, when you told me my projected salary per year, I was like, she, okay, since you said that I'm gonna receive it and this has been to happen for me, I don't know how I don't even care how it's gonna happen. And it's slowly showing itself one way or the other. And I'm like, man, when it all comes out in the next two years when I'm making 0.1, 0.5 million, whatever and exceeding all the other stuff. Just doing me and walking in who I am and the value that I bring anywhere I go.

[Christy]

Oh, so what was my evaluation for you? Because everybody gets evaluation. What was your, what was my [overlap]

[Dr. Rashara]

Your evaluation for me was 773,000 a year. And I'm initially I was like, oh man. And I had to, I really sat back and said, I got that in me because of the books I've written, because of the software I own, because of the things I know the that like I said, the intellectual property within this right here that I have not released can get me exactly that with no problem.

[Christy]

You're an evaluation. Kathy said yes. You know, I told Kathy 6 25, she was like, this chick.

[Christy]

[crosstalk]. I count all Cathy's money. Let's be clear; I count all Cathy's money. She has blown past that. And you're gonna blow past it, too, right? Like mm-hmm . And this is the thing, even, I can't say her name, but I told one woman, I was like, you know you're gonna get three, you know, it was an increase in like x3.35 or something like that. And then that was last year, last January. I told her that. And then, she ended up getting $333,000 in real estate and got a $15,000 job. $15,000 increase in her job. So it doesn't matter y'all where the money comes from. It stop trying to think that it's your job that's going to be able to provide for you when you walking around with all of that intellectual property. Now we do like the double, triple salaries over here because it because y'all undervalued, overworked and underpaid anyway. Not talking about you but, but a lot of women are underemployed and then complaining that is them. I'd be like, no, it's you; you put yourself on sale, right? Mm-hmm. You didn't; you got your degrees in boxes and bags. You don't even egg them on the wall. Talk about you need another degree. If the first three didn't get it, the fourth one is gonna do nothing.

[Dr. Rashara]

I ain't gonna do anything.

[Christy]

So you talked about Dr. Terry being in your cohort. What is that? You know, what is like having a tribe, being in the group? Cause we do the, you know, the group model. We don't talk to no more than seven women in the group, by the way, because we ain't talk to a hundred peoples. But what was that like for you? Cause leadership is lonely.

[Dr. Rashara]

Yes. That's the one thing that I can say I have in all the leadership classes and workshops and all the stuff that I've taken and read. That one part of it was exhilarating because it allowed me to bounce stuff off of people and then to hear stuff from folks around what their perspectives were. But really, to understand that we all in this, this sinking boat, we were in this boat together thinking we all crazy. I'm like, no, you ain't crazy; it is all of us. So we, you know, you looking at each other going, wait a minute. So it's not just me. No, it's not just you. And then when you really reflect on your stuff, you go, wait a minute. That was my stuff. It wasn't her stuff. It wasn't they stuff; it was all me and me working through my issues to try to get to where I really need to be, where I'm supposed to be, versus continuously fighting this uphill battle against myself. It's hard to fight uphill when you keep hitting yourself in the face at the same time. Please know that that's the image that you get is you trying to go up this, this opportunity hill, and you then you hit yourself in the face by something within you that's come out, and you didn't even realize why it's even there.

[Christy]

So talk to us about Cathy. Right? Who I left Cathy because people be like, Christie, I want you, you only, I be like, first of all, I wanna. I want to coach everybody I can.

[Christy]

I want you and you only. I be like, first of all, I wanna coach everybody. I can't. And I don't even think Dr. Rashara, they want me for eight weeks straight because that's...

[Dr. Rashana]

Because [inaudible].

[Christy]

I don't think [inaudible], I don't have the patience for them all. I don't have that kind of [inaudible]. I come in with a chainsaw and drag y'all and be gone. And y'all be like, "Kathy, gotta clean it up." So what was it like, right? Because all of our coaches are at our former clients. Kathy can believe for you on the 700 because we 5x what she was doing. So, you know, what was that? And I only work with leaders. So what was that like for you? And what's one of the greatest lessons that she taught you?

[Dr. Rashana]

Kathy was so sweet. She was direct but kind in her delivery. She would challenge you in your process to ask you deep, deep questions for you to try to think through it because she unrecognized the resistance a little bit to it. And she would say, okay, okay, okay. It's okay. We gonna get around it. We'll go get around this. And she would allow you to work through it. But she would break it down, help you decompose it, to break it down and work through it in a very nice, gentle way to help you get through it. And if you didn't get through it, you got to do it again.

[Christy]

Yeah. When I think about the..., and I'm not knocking other people, I always just say you have to learn from somebody who has the results that you want. Cause everybody out here in these streets that's certified to coach should not be a coach because they're teaching what they've learned, and they're not teaching what they are. And as leaders, we've been in rooms [inaudible], we are melting, and we are sitting in leadership training about something that ain't got nothing to do with. Like I'm about to die. I don't wanna do communications training. Stop getting these people to come over here and talk about how to be more productive. And they, you know, this lady told me this, and I'll move on. I was talking to this lady one time. She had two heart attacks, two mild heart attacks, right? And so she was like, yeah. Some whoever she went to a stress management person told her to start using an egg timer. I was like, "You know, you going to die because I'm... cause I'm a little bit more rugged in the... this is not gonna go to an egg timer to be able to count backwards when you came around all that baggage from your past. That's the problem." Kathy says she is a butter knife. Krissy got sew it. I mean, it works.

[Dr. Rashana]

It works.

[Christy]

It's a tag team. I come in when necessary. Alright. I got two more questions for you. So how has your… I think you said it, but I want to get back to it again because once you realized that you were the problem, right? The stuff that you were holding on, you know, with your mom, right? So what... 'cause you have to forgive. Let's talk about forgiveness.

[Dr. Rashana]

We'll see... see what had happened was... I started that 21-day y'all [inaudible] forgiveness process. And the first few things, I was like, yeah, yeah, I got this, I got this. Cuz yeah, I need to feel I need to forgive all of the list of people they had in there. The hardest one to work through was forgiven my mother. I knew I needed to forgive my exes. And I'm like, okay, I can work through these. But some things I had, as stated before, you don't get through within 21 days. It just ain't happening. Because that part of the process really allows you to go two to three, another two to three, maybe four layers deeper into what your true issues are and really understand how they're coming out. So even if you go through the first layer and you know, you deal with your poverty, black spheres and all that kind of stuff. And you deal with your fear of communication and how you, okay, okay, I got it. I got it; I got it. Yeah. But then when you go through that forgiveness process, and you take those other layers off, you begin to really understand, dang, I got a lot of issues, and all how this stuff is coming out on other people that you don't even know is coming out on and how you're responding to that interaction. So it has been a process, of course. And then to work into how it relates to your resistance of stuff and the law of retraction.

[Christy]

Hey, Christy Rutherford here. I hope that you're enjoying the podcast so far, but what I know that you'll love even more is joining us in our private community. Join us in this private community, like Money Loves Happy People, and get live and on-demand insights. So you can use this information to live the life that you truly and deserve. Get a raise and a promotion. No problem. Step into your purpose. No problem. Get the relationship that you deserve. No problem. Look, it's never too late to live the life that you deserve. It's never too late to live a life of total fulfillment. You just need information and inspiration to get on the path and live in your greater life. So go ahead again, click on the link, on around this video, join us in our private community, and change your life for the best. Take care. See you soon.

[Christy]

So God doesn't give you what you want; he gives you what you have room for, right? You didn't have room for all the good stuff. Cause you holding on to all the spoiled baggage like you holding on to all the weights. You're holding on to the raggedy old shoes, right? Like you're holding onto things that happened 30, 40 years ago. So you can't receive what is waiting for you. I've been telling y'all everything you want, wants you. What you want is waiting for you because you can see it. A lot of women can see what they want, and you can articulate it secretly because you're not gonna ask for it out loud because you're disappointed in bitter 'cause you're not getting it, or you're angry, right? And then you're blaming other people for why you can't get what God has in store for you. No man can shut the door on you for what God has in store for you. And you know, I'm a prosperity preacher part-time, Dr. Rashara. So what, Kate? Nobody stops what God has in store for you but you. So once you started to let some stuff go, stuff started to come in. I mean, like fast. You let one bag go; the new stuff come in. You let one bag go to new stuff, come in, then you stepped into the forgiveness part, right? Which now, you're ready because you've done the process cuz that's next level. The brave go through the fire on the forgiveness exercise. That's when the floodgate opened up because you've let so much stuff go in a 25, 30 day period, everything that you wanna start to hit you in the head. And then you became overwhelmed with the good stuff, and now you're just bucking it in. Boom comes over here. Now you can see your future clearly because you're not stuck in your past. Correct?

[Dr. Rashana]

Correct, correct. You can see your future. Clearly, you've gotten rid of those and negative behaviors or or less at a minimum. You're more aware of them, and so you can control it better and release that resistance and move forward to where you really wanna be.

[Christy]

So let's talk about, Kathy said, we gonna get these results. I always be telling y'all it ain't about the money, but we gonna get this money, we gonna get this money. We need the money to be able to make impact in the world. We need the money to be bougie. It is not about the money; it's about the peace and the freedom and the joy and the harmony. But we want our money, too. So how has the interactions with your family changed since going through this program? And then how has the interactions with the people that you work with changed? How has your lifestyle and your ability to be able to be around other people, how has that shifted?

[Dr. Rashana]

So from this process, I learned how to set boundaries. Cause I need my peace. I learned how to set boundaries and be okay with letting certain things just go. Not not holding on to it in any kind of way. And in my my work environment, I'm a whole lot happier. I'm a whole lot happier. I'm so; it is so much easier to get along with people 'cause you happy, and no matter what they say or do, is not impacting your process. 'Cuz you, happy people, come to me in my office with bad news. I said that's great. Wonderful. We go, it's going be alright. Don't worry about it. It's gonna be alright, but we got to; I know it's gonna be alright. And they go, what is wrong with you? Like, nothing, nothing. I great. Today is a great day, and we going work this out, and then by the end of whenever it is worked out next problem, let's go.

[Christy]

You know, this lady said, I think it was last week or I think it was last week, she said that you know, Black women are... we suffer with all these microaggressions and these macroaggressions. And I'm like, man, that's our unhealed trauma people triggering our pain. That's our baggage. That's not, and I'm not saying, Dr. Rashara, that these people aren't harassing us 'cause that's true. I'm not saying that they are not coming for us. That's strictly animal kingdom tactics. But our response to their pettiness is the problem. Us being in pain and feeling helpless because somebody coming for us is the problem. People come for you; you start laughing, you be like, oh no, that's gonna be a great day. So talk to us about your perspective of microaggressions and ma and like what it used to be and what it is today.

[Dr. Rashana]

Oh my gosh, it's so different. So different. I mean, you know, I, as an engineer, I'm an engineer, and so I'm in a male predominant environment, and yes, it is white male, Caucasian male predominantly. And so all, I'm pretty much, I've always been the only one in the room, and that's okay. That's okay with that. I've been able to; now I'm more, more inclined to communicate my thoughts and positions with not without any kind of fear or or lack of thinking. Well, wait, they gonna try to figure out what? I don't care what they think. This is what I think this is how this is gonna go. And I do it all with a smile. And it is just really to getting to a point to just understanding people. Cuz everybody shows up with their trauma. Everybody, all these folks show up with every single person shows up in those offices, in those environments with they trauma. Now that I'm more aware of it, I can see they trauma and counteract that. Okay, here we go. We're gonna deal with your little boy, your baby boy issues, or your insecurities about what you look like. Oh, all right, we not gonna allow that to your need to be in control. You'll be in control, care. Whatever it is. I'm able to deal with it and move on. And not at all hinder my joy in the process.

[Christy]

Oh, wait, that a preach every day, not just, oh, Sundays. Here's the thing, everybody's going through something. Yeah, right? People look at white men; they be like, they're not going through anything. I be like, man, some, I was in the Coast Guard, it's predominantly white men. Some of my best friends are white men. They got stuff too. They're not immune to having challenges, right? So when you see, once you get clear and get out of the water, you ain't treated no more about people, right? And then Rashara, you can see their stuff because you know why? Once you healed your stuff, once you've got your stuff clean, now you can see other people, and you can offer them empathy. And it's not necessarily psychological mind game or office politics. It's like you can see clearly what they are lacking, and then you be able to fill in that gap and offer them empathy. They be like, my God, thank you so much. Cause that's what they need is your childhood trauma fight. They childhood trauma, and y'all ding it out to the death. Lords Go Shin says if you don't have a reaction to a... if you don't have a negative reaction to an inharmonious situation, there is no situation. So people come for you. You just smile. They just be like. The first time they be like, cuz she used to come for me. You're in the same organization. I've been telling people they don't have to leave. They come for you, you smile, they come for you again, you smile, and then they come in your office and close the door. They be like, "Help me, please. Right? Help me." So what advice do you have for women who are stuck in a psych cycle of toxicity in their past three jobs?

[Dr. Rashana]

Oh my gosh. Someone asked me this question just recently. Someone really asked me this question. And my answer to them was the man in the mirror, the woman in the mirror. Take the time to really understand how you're responding, what your triggers are, why you're responding that way, to what's being communicated. It may be that you're just not understanding what's being communicated, and you're receiving it in the wrong way. So all the time that we respond to people and it is toxic and they this, if it's a they in it, then you need to turn that mirror around and try to figure out why you feeling that way and why you show trigger and why you are responding in such a manner to people that have no real control over your life. You just allowing it because of who you wanna be, who you think you wanna be, who you think you wanna be, and who you think you are. So taking that time to really reflect on you, I mean, and be honest with you, be honest with you because everything you go through and process through in life, every relationship, every disappointment that conjured up when you were two and three years old and still showing up and you don't even, you're probably not even aware of it. So toxicity is just, to me, it's just a big trigger that something is going on with you that you need to really evaluate and understand.

[Christy]

Hey, Christy Rutherford here. Do you want to learn how to ask for and get a 30% raise without getting another degree? Look, Black women are the most educated and the least paid. I should tell you that maths is not mathing. The degree is not the path to the next level is actually learning how to articulate the value and take credit for the work that you've already done. So I want to invite you to get my free case study at changenowwithchristy.com. Just get the information, use it, and take the money out of the hands of your employers and put it into your household because you already deserve it. You just have to know how to ask for it. Again, changenowwithchristy.com. I can't wait for you to get this insight, use it and get the money that you deserve. Take care.

[Christy]

Ooh wee. That's so good. I mean, I love it. Now I don't wanna skip on this money part. You got the raise at least 50K in 90 days; like I said, yeah, hard. And then, and then you got more, and then you got other stuff, and then you got this and you got that. You got the goals that you had on the wall, that you had in your heart, that you was carrying around. They all started to hit you in the head. God opened up the blessing. And right now, suddenly, let's talk about suddenly this, my last question, okay? If y'all wanna get my free case study, learned how to get a 30% raise in the next 90 days. You can get it levelupchristie.com backs slash cs. So, you know, when I talk to people, they want, you know, you wanna get a church round up, talk about suddenly, and people are, oh my God, I want it right now. God, open up, open it up, and hear me in the head. I be like, y'all ain't plant no seed. You don't have no seed in the ground. Right? Suddenly comes from a series of small habits done over a period of time that have compounded to be able to open up the door, right? So a lot of people were asking [Jennifer Granison] when I had her on a panel a couple weeks ago of how did she heal of fibroids, endometriosis, stuttering, and then high blood pressure in four months. She woke up one day free, but she did a bunch of small things over a period of time to be able to get the result. A lot of people will do something twice; they don't get a result. They quit, right? So what are three of the small habits that you incorporated in your lifestyle to be able to get to the point where you are today?

[Dr. Rashana]

These are three small things. Being consistent with my meditation, that was one important thing that I did. And then reflecting on my own spirituality, who I really wanted to be in, that is number two. And then I was already an exerciser. I work out every day, and I had already been one to work out my stress through going to the gym on a daily basis. But what was not happening was the weight loss. My body was maintaining stuff. I changed a little bit of my eating habits of some things that I was intaking. And now there's changes going along with that. Like, okay, stuff doesn't happen quickly. Yeah, keep doing it. Keep releasing yourself; keep freeing your mind to imagine and visualize. I took more time to visualize things that I wanted. One thing that you said to me that got me, I was like blown away with, and this is a realization, I don't think many got, we were on a meeting, and there was a question you asked about the word for the year. And I was like, okay, that's something to think about. And when I started listening to other people, not people on the call, but people around me, you always get these new resolutions, right? Everybody get a new resolutions, go to the gym for 30 days and then they quit. And I realized, okay, a resolution doesn't mean much, but when you asked about the word and how it connected to who you saw in your vision for yourself at the end of the year, what was it that clicked better for me than a resolution? And it actually makes you or puts you in a position where you gotta really connect yourself to getting there step by step because you've communicated in your head this vision, and you can write it down what your vision is. But that word and that vision of what you wanna see at the end of the year is important.

[Christy]

Wooh! Wait, this is so good. So I hope that y'all got these nuggets. We apologize for being late. Y'all was gonna get this information. That was my when I reposted it, Dr. Rashana; oh no, y'all gonna get this insight today. We ain't going nowhere. We're not going anywhere. So thank you, Dr. Rashana, for showing up. Thanks, everybody, for showing up. Again, you can get my free case study at levelupchristie.com/cs. Everybody have a fantastic week and week ahead, and we'll talk to you soon.

[Christy]

Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review. If you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn. And don't forget to get her free gift by texting change now, all one word again, change now to 66866. Until next time, go out and win bigger.