What if you could go back and give your younger self exactly what she needed, what if you could be the kind of adult that you needed then, but now, like today? You can't change the past. You can't rewrite what happened to you, but you can heal your present and your future. You can go back and be the parent that you needed. Welcome to the Mother-Daughter Relationship. Show the podcast for mothers and daughters who want to build stronger bonds, deepen their understanding and transform their relationships. I'm your host, Brittany Scott, licensed therapist and mother-daughter relationship coach. After years of working with hundreds of daughters. And mothers. I've developed strategies that help break generational patterns, heal wounds, and create the loving relationships you've always wanted. Each week I'll be sharing insights from real clients, expert interviews and practical tools you can use immediately to improve your mother-daughter dynamic. Whether you're struggling with communication breakdowns, navigating major life transitions, or simply wanna take your already good relationship to the next level. The show is for you. And yes, the transformation I guide my clients through can be yours too. I'll share more about how you can work with me. It's time to experience the relationship you both deserve. Are you ready? Let's dive in. Today we're talking about re-parenting your inner child. This isn't just a concept or theory, It's one of the most practical tools for healing your mother wound. It's how you stop waiting for your mother to change. Stop waiting for her to apologize. Stop waiting for her to finally give you what you need. Instead, you become the consistent, loving presence that your younger self is looking for. You meet your own emotional needs instead of waiting for others to do it. You let that little girl inside of you come out to play and you give her a role in your life you're creating today. This can feel vulnerable and emotional, but it's so empowering because you're taking back control of your own healing. You're not dependent on anyone else's awareness or willingness You have everything you need to give yourself what you've always longed for. Reparenting yourself means doing for your adult self today, what your child self needed. Then it means becoming the consistent person in your life that you hoped your mother would have been, but she wasn't. It's not about pretending your childhood didn't happen or trying to erase the pain. It's about acknowledging what you missed and choosing to give that to yourself Now. It's about letting your inner child be part of who you are today instead of pushing her away or ignoring her needs, or just trying to suppress the emotions that you felt then and not feel them today. Think of it this way. There's a little girl inside of you who's been waiting a long time for someone to show up for her the way that she needed. She's been waiting for comfort, celebration, validation, and unconditional love, and now you have the power to be that person for her. Let me walk you through some of the common needs that weren't met, Because recognizing what you missed is the first step in giving it to yourself. So here are a few common things that I have seen in my work of what. Somebody knew in childhood that they did not receive if they're struggling with a mother wound or the relationship with their mom was not as strong as they needed unconditional love and acceptance. You might have experienced love from your mother that was conditional love that was there when you were good, when you performed well, and when you didn't cause problems. But when you stepped outta line or didn't meet her expectations, that love felt like it was pulled away or revoked. Safety to express your emotions. You often learn that certain emotions weren't allowed. You couldn't be angry, couldn't be sad, you couldn't be frustrated. You had to be happy and accept whatever was given to you. There was no room for the full range of human emotions, and you learned very quickly to just accept how things are. Another one is consistent and reliable support. You could have had a mother who was in and out only around for things that mattered to her. If it didn't interest her, then it didn't matter at all. You didn't get support in a reliable way. She wasn't consistent. You learned very quickly that the. She did what she did and you really, you could not create expectations of her because you didn't know when things would actually happen for you. You didn't know when she was gonna show up. It was just, you just had to accept what was given to you, validation of your reality and feelings. if she didn't believe it happened. Then it didn't happen. If she didn't think you should be sad, then why were you sad? Your feelings didn't matter. You heard things like suck it up, get over it. Instead of having your emotions acknowledged and supported, you were basically put down or told you were wrong and left to handle things all on your own or pretend you weren't feeling anything at all. Another one is permission to be imperfect. Perfectionism often comes from having to perform for the adults around us. You learn to be perfect and show up perfectly because without it you weren't really seen or you're criticized and put down. And the last one that I've seen in my work is celebration of your uniqueness. Instead of being able to express yourself in ways that were important to you, dressing how you wanted wearing your hair, how you liked pursuing your own interest, you had to be who she wanted you to be. You had to dress in the ways that she thought were appropriate. Your hair had to be in ways that she deemed okay and good enough for you. you weren't allowed to just be you. And so usually what happens is you start to suppress that part of you that creative and the unique person you could have been get suppressed if any of these resonate. Know that these are areas where your inner child is still waiting for care and attention. So reparenting is currently having its moment in the social media world, and a lot of people are talking about, you know, reparenting themselves. So how do you actually do that? What is, what's practical and what does this actually look like? I'm gonna give you some tips that you can do daily or weekly, or just things that are easy to practice to help you get into. Reparenting your own self if you feel like that's something that you need. So first we're gonna start with daily check-ins. Start by asking yourself throughout the day, what does my inner child need right now? She might need rest, she might need play, she might need comfort, she might need celebration, honor, whatever comes up. And when you're thinking about like, what does my inner child need? I want you to think about if you were. Being playful and free and putting yourself first. Think of how children move through this world. they move through the world when they're free to in ways that just honor what they need in the moment. Probably the only one children don't honor, which is very wild to me, is sleep. They refuse sleep, but children honor everything else in the moment. When they need something, they're going to cry and throw a fit about it. When they wanna do something, they're gonna figure out how to get it done. they're playful and they're free. And children put themselves first. So when you're thinking about what you need throughout the day, like what does my inner child need right now? What does the free, the relaxed, The safe version of you need right now. If you could do or be or see anything right now, what would you choose and what would that look like? Honor that, check in with yourself and see if you're actually putting you first in moments where it really matters. The next one is comfort yourself like you would a child. When you're upset, instead of pushing through or criticizing yourself, try gentle selfs, soothing. Wrap yourself up in a soft blanket. Make yourself a warm drink. Take a bath. Listen to music that feels calming or soothing. Go outside for a walk. if a child was very upset and crying, maybe throwing a tantrum or just could not calm themselves down, what would you do to help a child to feel better? Treat yourself in that same way. Don't treat yourself like an adult who doesn't have a choice and has to move through. If you're going to repair yourself, give yourself the space to actually be taken care of. The next one is to celebrate your wins. Big and small. That little girl inside you has been waiting for someone to be proud of her. Be that person. Acknowledge your accomplishments. Treat yourself when you reach goals. Share your good news with safe people. Don't just reach a milestone and then move on to the next one. Don't keep moving the goalposts for yourself and never actually sit and feel good about things you have done without ever showing any kind of acknowledgement, probably what happened when you were a child. Change that for yourself today. every milestone, every big win, every small win. Celebrate it. Be proud of it. Talk about it, brag about it, okay? Don't stay quiet. Validate your own feelings. When emotions come up, instead of judging them or pushing them away, try saying, of course you feel that way. That makes complete sense given what you're going through. All emotions are valid. Okay, so it makes sense that you feel this way. All behaviors are not valid. So what are you doing about those feelings? What are you doing about those emotions? What are you doing when these things come up? Those are where we look at drawing a line and maybe changing some things, but how you're feeling has merit. And if you look at the situation as a whole, it makes sense. All right, so validate what you're feeling. Now. You may not be able to validate your behaviors and how you're reacting to what you're feeling that you may need to look at and make some changes to, but your feelings are valid. If it comes up, honor it. Take some time to sit with it. Next is give yourself permission to be imperfect. Practice self-compassion when you make mistakes, talk to yourself the way you would talk to a child who you love, who's learning and growing. you are used to being criticized that critical voice in your head is probably not yours to begin with. It probably belongs to your mother or some other adult in your life that taught you to be highly critical of yourself. You're gonna have to change that. You can't also be the person that's criticizing you when you're so used to other people doing it. You have to be willing to try to talk to yourself in a different way. Show some compassion. Another one is let yourself play. Do the things that you enjoy without needing them to be productive. Color, dance, sing. Be silly. Spend time outside in nature, whatever lights you up, whatever lights up that child inside of you, your inner child, do that. If that's what you long to do when you were a kid, do it now. If there was something that you weren't allowed to do and it's still on your heart, do it now. If there's something that you just loved and was one of your favorite pastimes, bring it back. Let yourself play and be silly. And the last one is to protect your energy. just like you would protect a child from harmful people protect yourself. Set boundaries. Create limits with people that drain your energy and create space for yourself. Find quiet time. Find time to just be alone and recharge, or make sure that when you're drained or you're stressed or you're just not in. A good place energy wise, that you allow yourself to be around people that feel you up versus draining you even further. Okay? Protect your energy. I. want to acknowledge that this work can feel difficult, especially when you're first getting started. You might feel silly talking to yourself kindly. You might feel resistance to being gentle with yourself. Inner critic might get loud and tell you, this is stupid or selfish. This is normal. You've been disconnected from your inner child for so long, possibly years or decades. Reconnecting takes patience. You might also feel grief coming up during this process. Grief for what you didn't receive. Grief for how long that little girl has been waiting grief for all the time she needed someone and no one came. That grief is part of healing. Let it come. It's your heart acknowledging the magnitude of what you lost, and that acknowledgement is sacred. Some days this work will feel natural and nurturing. Other days it might feel forced or difficult. Both are totally normal. Healing isn't linear. You don't just start, and then the healing line just keeps going up and up and up at the perfect sl. It's going to look more loopy up and down and up and down, and sometimes going backwards just to get a little bit further ahead. And reparenting is a practice. It's not a destination. You have to keep trying and you have to keep going and know that setbacks are normal and it's not. Setbacks don't mean you're not healing if you find yourself struggling with this work or if it brings up more than you feel equipped to handle on your own. Please know that support is available. I work with women one-on-one to help them through this exact process of healing their mother wounds and reparenting their inner children. Sometimes having guidance and support makes this work feel less overwhelming and more sustainable. I really want you to understand the sad part about reparenting your inner child is that you now have to be the one to do it. Okay? That is the saddest part, is that. Your mom or other adults when you were a child didn't do it, that you now have to be the adult for yourself and do it. You can't wait for your mom to say sorry. You can't wait for her to be different, and you can't wait for acknowledgement about what happened or for her to take responsibility for her role because it may never come. You have to be the one to save yourself. You have to repair inner child in you. That is still hurting, but the best part of this is that you now have the ability to take care of her. You have the wisdom, the resources, the emotional capacity to give her what she's been waiting for. You're not the powerless little girl you once were. You're a grown woman who can choose how to treat herself. When you start doing this work, something magical can happen. You stop being desperate for other people's approval because you're giving yourself the validation you need. You stop accepting crumbs of love because you're feeding yourself properly. You stop tolerating disrespect because you're treating yourself with so much more respect than you used to. You become the parent. You need it, the friend you wanted, the supporter. The supporter you have longed for, and that inner child who's been waiting so patiently, finally gets to rest knowing someone is taking care of her. This work can change everything. Everything in your relationships, everything about your self-worth, everything about your ability to set boundaries and your capacity for joy. I think that last one is the best part because when you heal that relationship with yourself, when you give your inner child what she needs, you're no longer operating from a place of lack. You're operating from wholeness. You're operating from like a fullness of knowing that joy gets to be the center of your life. You get to let this happen. And you get to be the person that you needed when you were a child. Okay. If you've made it to this part of the episode, I wanna walk you through a visualization exercise. It'll take about five minutes. I want to take you through this exercise that can help you connect with your inner child and start the re-parenting process. If you're driving or can't close your eyes right now, you can come back to this later or just do it with your eyes open. If you're able, find a comfortable position and close your eyes. If you're safe to do so, take a few deep breaths and just let your body relax. Now, I want you to imagine a younger, you go to whatever age feels right. You could be five, you could be eight, maybe you're 12. Think about a time when you really needed your mom and she wasn't there for you. Visualize where you are. You could be in your living room at school, at a park, maybe a friend's house. Think about a specific time when you really needed your mom to show up and she didn't see that little girl clearly. What is she wearing? What's her expression? What is she feeling? What is she thinking? Why does she need her mom? In that moment, I want you to visualize looking at her. You're looking back at your younger self. Identify what she needed. What was your mom supposed to do? How could she have shown up for you? What could she have said? now, and this is the important part. I want you to step into the scene. You are the adult now. You can be everything that your mom was unable or unwilling to be. Talk to her. Tell her what she needed to hear. Do for her what you needed your mom to do for you. Maybe she needs to hear you're safe now. I believe you. Your feelings make sense. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm so proud of you. You're enough just as you are. Maybe she needs a hug, needs someone to sit with her while she cries. Need someone to celebrate something she accomplished. Need someone to protect her from something scary. Give her what she needs, be the loving present she was looking for. As you're connecting with her, think about how you would feel today if she actually got what she needed, then what would change for you? What about you would be different if you had received what you needed? And here's the best part. When you're done giving her what she needed, don't visualize walking away and leaving her there. Bring her with you. Let her be proud of who you are today while you continue to take care of her. Take a few deep breaths, and when you're ready, open your eyes. Go through that. Again, if you need to pause in certain places to give yourself some time to actually visualize these things and go as slow as you need. I didn't want this to turn into 30 or so minutes, 'cause I would make the pauses longer if I was going through this with the client. I wouldn't read this so quickly. Um, but for the sake of time in this episode, I didn't want super long break. S pause where you need to pause and go back through this and take your time doing it. Like really visualize this and see what you need to take care of you in that moment. Pick an experience or something from your childhood that still affects you today, and then give yourself today what you needed. Then you have everything you need inside you to heal the little girl who's been waiting for love. You can be the consistent nurturing presence she's been looking for. You can give her the celebration, the comfort, the validation, the unconditional love that she deserved then and still deserves. Now, this isn't about pretending your mother was different or excusing what happened. This is about taking your power back. This is about refusing to wait any longer for someone else to heal your wounds. That's all for today's episode. Thank you for sticking around and being a listener of my show. I want to remind you that your younger self would be so proud, and also she is so lucky to have the version of you that you are today. Like, how lucky are you that you get to take care of her, keep doing the work that you're doing and healing the things that you're healing. Catch you in the next one. Okay. That's all for today's episode of the Mother-Daughter Relationship Show. Thanks so much for spending this time with me. I hope you picked up some valuable insights that you can start using right away in your own relationship to create deeper connection and understanding. If something from today's episode resonated with you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with the mother or daughter in your life who needs to hear this message. And while you're at it, please consider leaving a rating. And review so we can reach more families and transform the way mothers and daughters relate to each other. For those ready to take the next step, you can visit my website to learn more about my private coaching programs and my program designed specifically for mother-daughter pairs. Whether you're dealing with communication challenges, life transitions, or just wanna strengthen an already good relationship, I'm here to help. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you in the next one.