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Welcome to Parents Night out with no New Friends.

The comedy break every parent deserves.

This is the podcast where parenting meets pure unfiltered fun.

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This is Parents Night out with no new Friends.

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Sarah's secret stash.

Don't know what that was.

We talked about it, it was in the commercial, but we never did anything with it.

Just one of those ide never stuck.

Right now we are recording live on the.

But we're not recording on YouTube.

We're streaming live on YouTube where you can watch us every single week as we record these things.

We, we advertise 8pm Eastern Standard Time.

But it's about 8:30 and we're just getting started, so just bear with us.

We're also live on the Tik Tok every once in a while at the parks New friends where we go live at the Florida theme parks.

My name is Scott.

I'm the host.

With me, as always, my amazing cast of characters, the scumbag reselling hoarder himself, Chris.

Happy belated pie day.

The Jewish American princess, Sarah.

Hello.

The wise dare dot com.

I wish Scott understood technology and the.

Serial killer's wife, Miranda.

Help.

Miranda.

Welcome back.

Thank you.

Let me tell you, I.

I listened to the episode that I wasn't here for.

And other than the.

The constant killing, your husband and I probably have a lot in common.

You know, my wife could read a Valentine's card in two seconds.

There's a lot of things that my wife can relate to in two seconds.

But.

Well, that's.

But Miranda, when's your birthday?

May 11th.

May 11th.

Okay, so coming up, last year, what did he do for you?

For Valentine's Day or for your birthday?

Gosh, I'm gonna need a minute.

My birthday?

Well, because my birthday and Mother's Day are.

This.

Are together.

Yeah.

So you know Stone.

Yeah.

So he actually, for my birthday, he booked dinner reservations for us with his best friend and his wife, who I love, but you know.

You know, and his favorite restaurant.

Oh, his favorite restaurant.

Their favorite restaurant.

His and his best friend.

Yes.

I mean, I love it.

It was good, but there was no me in there, you know, like, I was there.

It's my birthday.

I'm taking you out to dinner, babe.

You're welcome.

You're going to love.

Yeah, definitely sounds like something I would do.

Sarah.

Hold on, let me queue up the music.

What did Lewis do for your birthday?

Because your.

We never, like, went back and recapped your birthday.

What did Lewis do?

What?

What didn't he do?

Lewis took me to the Lego store.

We had dinner at Disney Springs.

You know, that's exactly what I wanted.

Okay, you knew what you wanted, right?

And he did what you.

Yeah, I did.

I asked for one thing, and that was the Lego store.

Remember?

I.

You.

I was pissed off because my.

My annual pass discount did not apply to the one thing that I wanted.

I.

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm still thinking about that because it's a retired set.

But I digress.

I.

You think about it as you've already put it together because you bought it because you enable each other.

No, I didn't buy that one because I was still in the middle of my 4,000 piece one that I had going.

Gotcha.

Chris, you're a scumbag.

You're gonna make me feel better about what I'm about to say.

What did you do for Emily's last birthday?

Oh, it was her 30th, so I threw a party.

Oh, okay.

Before you go into yours, Miranda, can I guess your husband's favorite restaurant that he took you to?

Yes.

Texas Roadhouse.

No, but we.

Oh, my gosh.

I have a story about that, but that's for another time.

No, go ahead, go ahead.

No, but that wasn't it.

No, no.

Am I close?

I do love Texas.

No, you're not close.

Really?

It's not some sort of chain steakhouse?

It is a steakhouse, but it's.

It's.

No, it's berries.

I don't know if they have sperries everywhere.

I don't know.

It's like a really nice fancy thing.

I mean, I'VE got a pair of Sperries in my closet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's overly priced, but it's really good.

Chris gets a lot of Sperry change.

So.

Yeah, I throw a party and.

And I made coupons.

I did.

I did the old, like, child thing where you make coupons for stuff.

Like, here's a coupon for this.

Here's a coupon for that massage.

Or.

I think she lost them.

Honestly.

I hope so.

I have to know.

What type of coupons did you make?

This is.

This has got to be.

Yes.

So one coupon was for 300.

Because the 30th.

Right.

So 300 shopping spree.

Which she only used half of.

Which.

Okay, Alex cut that because she forgot.

The other one was to.

It was to detail her car.

And I did one seat.

I did do one scene.

The other one was a night out at.

There's a local cider bar near us.

A night out, which she.

Which I really wanted her to redeem.

But she has gen.

Zers are like, oh, we're gonna go to an apple juice bar.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's alcoholic apple juice, hard cider.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you.

Cider bar.

It looks cool.

I'm looking on Google Maps.

When we.

When we moved here and there was a cider bar, we got to try out the cider bar.

Yeah.

So I haven't done that one yet.

I think there was one more.

I don't know.

I guess I'll find out when she redeems it.

That's very thoughtful, though.

Like, you put work into that.

Like, that's sweet.

It was because I didn't have a lot of money, so at the time.

So I was like, she can't redeem these for another month, so I can save.

You were planning it out.

You're like.

And when the doorbell rang, he forgot that it was her birthday and that he threw her party, so he had to throw together a coupon book real quick.

At least she did the party.

I.

This was my 40th, and I didn't get a party.

Oh, oh, oh.

I did do the one that I was regretting, like, not regretting, not looking forward to the most.

The one that I was right now.

In retrospect, I thought that was really great.

And then Emily gives me my 30th present.

It's a trip to Disney, so.

So it was a great gift for, like, 10 months until it wasn't.

Darren, are we able to talk about birthday gifts?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My presence.

I think my presence is gift.

Enough.

All right?

So.

So you guys are Scott's son 100.

Miranda, you have no idea.

Okay, you guys know that I.

I put myself in, like, the Holy Trinity of gift giving.

My wife's birthday, our anniversary and Valentine's Day are all.

Are all within two weeks of each other.

Holy Trinity.

I would describe it more as like, the Bermuda Triangle.

Yeah, it is the Bermuda Triangle.

Yeah.

And, you know, originally, when we.

When we set these dates, I was like, this is great.

Three birds, one stone.

She goes, oh, no, nay.

Oh, nay, nay, that is not how it works.

And she said it just like that.

I was like, damn it.

So I actually, you know, we.

We went on the trip to Mexico for anniversary, so, like, we.

We didn't really do much for each other for our anniversary, even though, like, we did.

But I was so excited about our birthday present.

Now, Sarah, this would be a great birthday present for you.

You would love this.

I got my wife a Mace Windu lightsaber from Hollywood Studios.

Yes, the, like, the nice ones.

The nice lightsaber.

In what world, Scott?

What?

In what world?

What, that she would want?

Yeah.

What made you think, I mean, like, yeah, I would want that.

I get that.

Do you know your wife?

Well, her favorite color is purple.

That makes no sense.

The Mace Windu lightsaber is purple.

So I was like, this is a.

And.

And now it will make our.

Our movie room look symmetrical because I've got the Yoda lightsaber on one side of the tv, and now I've got the Mace Windu one on the other one.

So you got yourself a birthday present for her birthday.

Miranda, this may be your last episode.

Exactly what that sounds like.

So true.

You did what my husband did.

You gave her what you wanted.

He took me where he wanted to.

I told you, you're.

You're other than.

You're the same person.

Other than the mass murders, your husband and I are pretty much the same person.

I saw one stream with Rachel in it, and I think she'd be happier if you took her to the minion store at Universal Than.

Than a lightsaber.

Well, you're not wrong.

So I.

I kind of realized the errors in my way.

Good.

Yeah.

Well.

And.

And quite honestly, I wanted another lightsaber, so.

You're right.

Guilty as charged.

This was a gift for me.

So yesterday we went to Disney Springs because they've just.

Well, they just released this new Orange Bird line and a new Tinkerbell line, and I.

I love Orange Bird and Rachel loves Tinkerbell.

So we are.

We go to Epcot, and I spent about $300 in orange bird stuff.

And then we went to Disney Springs to get the Tinkerbell stuff because they had more stuff and all that.

Well, what she really wanted, they didn't have at World of Disney.

I mean, they had a T shirt, and she got that.

And I was trying to convince her to get, like, the Tinkerbell Dooney, Dooney and Burke.

But she's like, no, I don't want that.

And I said, what about the orange bird, Dooney and Burke?

And she's like, I don't want that.

You want that?

And I said, well, yes, but I can't carry a Dooney.

Burke, like, lounge fly is as far as I'll go.

As far as crossing over and being gay adjacent.

I can't do this with your hand.

A little more wristband, you'd be there.

So now, mind you, we've been at Epcot, and now I'm at Hollywood studios, so I'm not driving.

I've been drinking.

Sarah knows how quickly I can throw pound bud lights in Epcot.

I think everybody does.

I think we've seen, though.

That's very true.

That's very true.

If you want to know how fast we pound drinks at the theme parks, just follow us.

At TikTok, at the parks.

No new friends.

We go live every once in a while.

So she's like, well, I.

There's one shop that I want to go look at because there's this Tinkerbell purse that I really want.

And I was like, great.

Say less.

We're going to get it.

It's Kate Spade.

Hey, it wasn't Louis.

It wasn't.

Is that more expensive than a dooney?

Well, based on surface.

Go ahead, Darren.

I was gonna say it depends on the product.

Like, really based on surface area, like, price per square inch.

This was a lot more expensive than to do.

Was it a bigger purse, obviously, or was it.

Oh, it's for sale.

It was a coin purse.

It's like a coin purse.

She can.

She can fit, like, a pack of cigarettes, business cards, lipstick, maybe like a micro tampon.

Can't put the phone.

Like a micro tampon.

Like the little ones.

You mean just a tampon?

They make mini ones on the go.

Yeah, the tampons on the go.

I mean, aren't they all on the go?

You're not.

They fit better in your.

If you're going out and, like, you don't want to take up a lot.

Of space, they're like, yeah, but hear me out.

I mean, all Tampons?

Yeah.

They're Transformers.

Yes, they're Transformers.

What'd you say, Sarah?

They're more on the go.

They are way more on.

They.

Do they fit in, like, a clutch purse?

They fit in Rachel's new purse, I hope.

Yeah.

So wait a sec.

Why don't they just make all tampons that size?

Yeah, because that's what I'm saying.

Honestly, it's kind of a pain in the ass to get it.

I don't know.

Because you have to pull it out and click it out and then.

Yeah, it's not used to the pulling.

Out if you're drunk.

Like I would.

Wait.

I use the Minis.

I just know they exist so much.

Rollout.

Chris is going to be like, m.

Do you have any Transformer tampons I can play with?

Autobots, engage.

Now.

Never mind.

Now every time I use one, I'm just going to laugh.

The great Tampon War.

You've got the Decepticons versus the Autobots.

Yeah.

And, like, the big ones versus the little ones.

I think maybe they're.

They'll change names to the Auto Clots.

Why isn't Tampax done, like, a collab with Transformers?

This is a missed opportunity here.

You know what?

We should get that happening, maybe.

What do you think?

All of us?

I think so.

I think we have to.

The campaign starts now, right?

Let's do it.

This country needs this.

They do.

Yeah.

Because we've got garbage commercials out there right now.

Tampons need to be more exciting.

They do.

I wanna.

I wanna be.

I want someone to buy them.

Not more expensive.

Not more expensive.

The more expensive.

So we gotta avoid that.

We'll figure out a way to make.

Keep them low budget.

Like, that's.

We'll get.

We'll get this.

I'll start.

Isn't it made out of, like, tissue?

Like what?

Like, how cheaper can it get?

They're not cheap, but we'll figure it out.

Wait a second.

This is glorified cotton in a condensed form that you shove up there.

Like, what.

What are we talking about here?

Can you make your own?

Listen, this is a special area that you're, you know, trusting this to go in.

So you really need to make sure that it's high quality.

He's not super experienced with that, so he wouldn't understand.

I say just bring back the pads and just shove toilet paper up there.

No, no.

This looks like a job for Optimus.

Bring in the expert.

I don't know where we were, but I love talking about tampons.

Apparently.

Did Rachel get the bag?

Yes.

Ah, that's right.

The micro tampon bag.

Yeah.

I teamed up.

I teamed up with the.

With the Gen Z salesperson, and we convinced her to get it.

I said, here's the thing.

I said, babe, if you leave, I'm going to come back tomorrow and get it for you.

Like, so.

I know you want it.

We're just gonna get it.

So.

I feel like I was redeemed for the lightsaber, but she likes the lightsaber.

Like, you should have seen her face the first time she had the lightsaber ignited.

It was.

It was.

She loved it.

Yeah.

You have a video?

I need to.

I need proof.

Just.

Just me.

I'm the only witness, actually.

Okay.

Well, the first time she held my lightsaber.

Okay, we don't know.

We don't need to talk about that.

We don't need it.

No.

Moving on.

Wow.

This is smaller than I thought it would be.

Explain.

It's the Yoda one.

And then she played with my Yoda lightsaber and was like, this is a lot smaller than I thought it'd be.

But she.

She loved the way it felt in her hand.

Yes, Sarah?

No, no, nothing.

Okay, I'm gonna.

I'm gonna stay out of this one.

So, speaking of green, we've got St.

Patrick's Day coming up now.

Sarah, you've got red hair.

Are you Irish at all?

Like, you're.

I feel like you're part everything.

I.

I do have some in me, and.

Oh, yeah, no, no, that's his new alter ego.

Irish and Welsh and Romanian mostly.

Okay.

Yes.

I can't do an Irish accent.

I was going to do the St.

Louis.

The Puerto Rican leprechaun.

That's pretty good, actually.

That's pretty.

Pretty spot on.

That wasn't bad.

It was better than I thought it would be.

That's what my wife said to Miranda.

Well, you know, we have a lot in common.

So do you do anything for St.

Patrick's Day?

Sarah, I know you're working, but it's a Monday night, so.

Oh, you're going to be recording with us.

But would you normally do.

No, no, not a big.

Not a big deal for me.

Miranda, what about you?

You're.

You're a parent, so, you know.

But before kids, I used to go out to the bar and have the green beer and all that fun stuff.

But.

Yeah, I know.

But.

No.

Okay.

We don't.

We don't do.

I forgot.

So.

Anything.

I.

Actually, this year, my goal for St.

Patrick's Day and I'm, like, working.

Spending the week to work myself up to it.

I want to try Guinness for the first time because I've never had a Guinness before.

Why do you have to work your way up to it?

It's like, because I'm scared, because everybody's like, it's.

It's either the best beer that everybody anybody's ever had, or it's the absolute worst beer.

And I.

Okay, I'm just getting into beer.

I've had a Guinness.

Yeah?

Did you like it?

Was it good?

No, it was awful.

I hated it.

I also hate beer, so.

Yeah, if you hate beer, that's a bad one to.

I just got into beer, like, what, like a month or two ago, and I'm only drinking, like, one beer.

There's only one, like, beer that I like, and that's all I can drink.

So that's not even really a beer.

Of course, Banquet is a beer.

Thank you very much.

Wait, what is it?

Course banquet.

It's heavier than your Bud Light.

No, it's way heavier than my Bud Light.

But you're making a really big deal out of, like.

You don't have to work your way up to it.

You drink it, and you either like it or you don't.

I think it tastes like a penny.

I was trying to.

A penny?

Yeah, like, you know, if you put a penny in your mouth before you swallow and have to go to the emergency room, Guinness tastes like a copper penny.

I know a kid that did that.

Maybe I should swallow a magnet to also find the penny.

I don't.

It's copper.

Magnetic.

No.

Well, anyway.

So, Chris, do you do anything for St.

Patrick's Day?

Usually exhausted on St.

Patrick's Day, because the night before, I have to hide my gold everywhere for everyone to find.

That was perfect.

So I hate to say Patrick's Day.

It is my least favorite day of the year.

Because you hate the Irish.

The Irish are very hateable.

Well, I love Ireland.

I want to go there.

I hate one type of Irish, and.

That'S the leprechauns, the Notre Dame.

Why do you hate Leopard?

Well, I hate them, too, but let me tell you.

Let me tell you why I hate St.

Patrick's Day.

So when I was in first grade, okay, so picture it.

Little Scott, first grade, sitting next to.

Jesus now, just without the glasses.

I had hair, Darren.

And the testicle had dropped.

We need a picture.

Yeah, of the testicle or of me as a.

No, you as a little one with hair.

Gotcha.

So we all had a project, an individual Class project.

We had to make leprechaun traps so that we could catch leprechauns.

Now, I was all in on this project, okay?

I did my research, what makes the best traps.

And this is like, I had to look in the encyclopedia.

Oh, Chris, an encyclopedia is a book that you open and you have information in.

It's kind of like chatgpt.

But, yeah, I'm kind of confused on why you were dumb enough to look for how to make a leprechaun trap in an encyclopedia.

I was in first grade, and I figured that the encyclopedia knows everything, so I.

I first looked to see if anybody had been known to catch a leprechaun, and they hadn't.

I said, oh, this is exciting.

I'm going to be the first.

This is great news for me.

I'm going to catch a leprechaun and be famous.

Now, I worked.

I worked all.

It was the only project in school, in the history of school that I actually worked really hard on and didn't wait till last minute.

And I'm going to tell you why.

I wanted more siblings.

And so anything I could ever wish on it was to have more siblings.

And you asked, well, did you have a sister?

Yeah.

Didn't really like her that much, so, like, I would.

I was tired of plucking my eyelashes to make a wish on a fallen eyelash.

I was tired of seeing these ladybugs fly to their death as I'm making a wish on the ladybugs.

There's only so many birthdays I could pretend to have to make a wish on the birthday, and.

And I was tired from trying to find falling stars to wish on.

What is a poem?

Dude, get it.

Spit it out.

Where.

Where are you going with this depressing poem I've ever heard in my life?

I wanted more siblings, and I figured if I catch this leprechaun that's taking my wishes to the source, I could cut out the middleman and he could just grant me the wishes and I'd have siblings.

So I go to school.

My gosh.

I go to school, and I'm so excited about this leprechaun trap.

I'm going to catch this leprechaun, have more siblings.

So we.

We go to.

We go to lunch, go to recess.

I come back, and there's a Keebler elf sitting outside the door of my trap.

First of all, highly offensive.

Elves and leprechauns are two different beings.

Two different beings.

Oh, you're right.

I never thought of it that way.

Yeah, you'd have to be racist to think otherwise.

Yeah.

So a.

A normal child, a normal human being would say.

Wouldn't look at an encyclopedia for a lever.

Would say, okay, the teacher brought in the Keebler elves.

There was no leprechaun or whatever.

I didn't think that.

I said, okay, this trap wasn't good enough.

The leprechaun left me an elf, thought he'd be cute, left everybody else to make them feel like they did something.

So I went home and I built a second trap because I was determined.

I mean, I looked this time I had a gun.

I looked like the movie meme with all the algorithms going on.

And I'm like, I am gonna catch this elf.

And what's that?

He caught the elf.

Leprechaun.

No, I.

I Fast forward about 40 years later, I caught the elf.

And I said, chris, do you want to be on the new New Friends podcast?

Wait, you're that old?

What, 40 years later?

Something like that.

I'm 45.

Oh, my gosh.

I thought you were, like, 39.

Stop in the sun too long.

So I'm like, I am nine months away from a sibling.

This is fantastic.

I set the trap.

I wake up the next morning, and all that's under it is some little chocolate wrapped in gold and a headshot of a basketball player.

A headshot of a basketball player.

Headshot of a basketball player.

Why?

I don't know.

Apparently, we get gifts on St.

Patrick's Day.

Now, that's a gift.

We don't do that.

So I'm in tears years.

I'm so devastated.

And my dad says to me, why are you so upset?

Like, you'll just have to try.

I said, I just want more sib.

I want another brother or sister.

And I figured I could wish to the leprechaun and he'd get that.

And he goes, you want another brother?

Sister?

I'm like, yeah.

He's like, all right, well, I'll discuss this on.

He says, I'll discuss this with your mother.

And I'm like, no, you have no control over this.

Like, what are you going to discuss?

Like, there's no discussion happening.

The only discussion, the only discussion you have to have is, what is the child's name going to be?

You don't.

You don't have a choice.

God puts the seed in and makes it happen, and nine months later, you have a baby.

Plain and simple.

So, anyway, I don't celebrate.

Celebrate St.

Patrick's Day.

Celebrate St.

Patrick's day.

It's garbage.

Oh, hey, real quick.

If you don't tell, if you don't celebrate.

What's your favorite shake to get at McDonald's?

A Shamrock Shake.

Oh, okay.

There, Darren.

But you do.

But you do indulge in Irish culture, you scumbag bag.

You can't hate it because of you being dumb.

I was in sixth grade, Miranda.

It doesn't matter.

That's not fair.

Like, give it a chance.

You, you know, move on.

Okay.

Now, where babies come from.

So let go of your.

No idea.

Well, I keep having to figure that out.

Because, I don't know, God keeps.

Planting the seed in my.

I think it's time to let go.

Okay, so, Sarah, do you have a Gene Hackman update for us?

Well, they've figured out why.

Hold on, hold on, hold on one second.

Jewish American princess, never breaks the sweat.

Queen of one liners, she's quick on the beach.

Super nerd power makes her phone.

All right, go ahead, Sarah.

What is our Gene Hackman update?

By the way, if you want to hear the full version of all of these songs, just join our clubhouse.

It'll be on our patreon for all of our members.

So upbeat.

So morbid.

They've figured out how they died.

Oh, so.

So apparently his wife passed away a week before he did because of I'm.

I'm.

Rodent born disease killed her.

She died from the plague.

Wait, so Chris killed her?

A rare rodent borne disease which is only found by.

Well, spread by infected rodent droppings.

So she's eating rat poop?

I don't know.

How did we get here?

Like, how do you think they kept their skin so soft?

What did the house look like?

That's what I want to know.

Like why?

If their house was disgusting, there might not be some.

I don't know.

This is a 3 1/2 million dollar home.

Like it can't be that disg.

Yeah, and apparently he had heart disease and Alzheimer's and just might not have even known she was dead.

He was an Alzheimer.

Oh, Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's.

Yeah.

Good thing he had.

Good thing he has loving kids that checked on him every day, huh?

Like, how did this happen?

Well, I.

She wasn't there to feed him.

And that's how he died.

Yeah, he wasn't there to feed him and give him his medication.

So sad.

And then the dog was locked in a kennel.

Why was the dog in the closet?

It was in a kennel.

She just picked him up from the vet.

It wasn't.

It wasn't comfortable enough to come out yet.

Miranda I get it, but I saw.

Somewhere that she was found, like in the bathroom with pills scattered all around her.

Yeah, she dropped dead in the middle of taking her.

Just her medication.

Like what, her rodent protectant?

Zero to death?

Like that fast?

Whatever this rare disease is.

I.

I'm.

There's more questions.

Yeah, like she didn't have symptoms leading up to that.

Like, that she went to the doctor for maybe.

So I've seen where she did have.

Like, she was wearing a mask in public when she went to go pick up the.

Pick up the dog.

So there were some symptoms and she was responding to emails up until the night that she died.

So I.

Yeah, I think that she maybe didn't die instantly, but definitely collapsed.

And her husband was a vegetable, so we had nobody there to help her.

Why didn't they have a live in like nurse or something?

Right, that's what I'm thinking.

Come on, you have money.

You're both sick.

Like, I.

I don't get it.

So poor Gene Hackman, his wife is dead and he's wandering aimlessly around the house for a week before he finally dies of dehydration.

And.

And what do you think he did?

We had to use the bathroom.

Just like stepped right over.

I'm serious, Iverson.

Every time he had to go to.

The bathroom, he probably didn't get up.

Chris.

He probably.

He just let it go, you know, he just let it go.

So, yeah, weird, weird circumstances.

And then the dog, obviously from dehydration and malnourishment.

There has to be more information, though.

I'm sure.

I want to believe that you're right just for the sake of content and you bringing us this update every week.

Well, I want to know how she got to where she was at.

That's what I want to know.

It's interesting, like I said.

Where did you work?

What were you doing?

Like, how do you.

That's got to be long term exposure, I would think.

It can't unless you ingested it.

I don't know.

It's.

It's very rare.

Only seven cases were reported in New Mexico last year.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'll let you know.

Please do.

Please keep us updated.

Miranda.

Yes.

You.

You've got your.

Your balls deep in.

In T ball right now.

Balls.

I almost said balls deep in teabagging, which would be a double positive all in the same sentence.

Yes.

Balls deep in.

We're.

We're balls deep in all the balls.

Soccer T ball.

Like that's our life Right now, the kids, probably Nick.

We're here.

He's balls deep in his husband right now.

Or someone else that they met on the cruise ship.

You never know.

You never know.

So what's going on with.

With.

With T ball?

So my little one just turned four this Saturday.

Okay.

And all the other kids on his team.

This is his first year playing T ball.

And all the other kids on his team are, like, way bigger than him.

They're all five, going on six.

I mean, so he's this little bitty, tiny, cute person.

I wish I could show you.

I'll figure out.

Is there any way to put pictures up on here?

Like, if we.

Anyway, that access got respected from me.

Thanks, Scott.

Anyway, so, you know, he's just very babyish still.

He's learning and wants to play in the dirt the whole time and will not listen to anything.

And we're, like, yelling, but we're trying not to because you don't want to be, you know, yelling over the coach, who is so nice, so patient.

I don't know where this man came from.

He's a miracle I don't have.

Not the leprechaun, so.

Well, no.

Just saying.

No, no, no.

He did not come from the leprechaun, but, yeah.

So we're just.

My husband and I both.

He played baseball forever championship baseball player.

I was championship softball player.

So I know it's T ball.

Okay.

And you like men?

Yeah, I was gonna say.

You married?

I played volleyball, softball.

But, yes, I like men.

Volleyball.

Even said.

Does volleyball leave it at all?

I think volleyball is girly enough to.

Was there.

Was there anything in college?

Anyway, so, I mean.

She'S like, we'll.

Save that story for another time.

I mean, you know, we all do things, so.

What kind of things?

T ball.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, that's another story.

But yes.

So Scott's writing it down, so we're.

Gonna have years worth of Miranda owes me stories.

I need to write it down like you always tell me.

Write it down.

Write that down.

Yeah, it's just.

It's hard.

I love him, and they're so cute, but it's hard because he just doesn't understand anything and he doesn't listen.

He's adhd, I swear, because we all are.

And he's.

He's doomed.

So.

Yeah, he's just gonna play in the dirt and run all over the field.

Does he have.

They have him, like, in the infield and he's just, like, building castles?

Yeah, pretty much.

Yeah.

It's cute.

You know, I used to run in circles on the soccer field.

Wouldn't even kick the ball.

He did that too.

He did that too.

Here's what's funny.

Darren would run around in circles and he was way ahead of his time with his finger up in the air.

Just acknowledge me.

Like, finger up in the air, running around in circles.

Oh, goodness.

You think Roman got the idea he was out?

He was at one of my.

This little white kid has a point.

Youth sports, when they're that age, that's so much fun.

It's cute, but it's frustrating.

It is.

It's.

It's all the thing.

I think I said this a couple weeks ago.

My.

My brother in law and I, we had to go to Michaela's.

She was a cheerleader.

So like, we weren't even there.

Like, supposed to be there for the football games, but it was like, yeah, that sucks.

We.

We started playing fantasy football.

Like, we drafted players from each team.

We bet on it.

I got a little child labor.

So now, Miranda, when I wasn't here, you were discussing how like, you have a surprise baby.

And apparently you thought that leprechauns grant wishes and brought babies as well.

No, I just thought when my husband says, no, I didn't, that that meant no, he didn't.

But yes, he did.

So surprise.

But you guys are going to be fixing that.

We've got a big day coming up soon.

Big day.

Let's talk about that because I have not gone through the big day yet.

I don't know why.

I don't want any more kids.

I don't want the three that I have.

Oh, don't say that.

No, it's true.

We don't want.

We don't want him either.

Yeah, it's so funny.

They keep giving me high cholesterol.

Dudes.

And like, hey, dad, you need another cigarette.

Trying to like speed up the process.

Like, do you want to eat rat poop?

What did you do to them?

Nothing, I just wasn't there.

What did he not do?

Well, I.

I could.

I could make you a lit.

The list of things he didn't do is like this short.

Wait, the list of things I didn't do was this short?

Yeah, things that you didn't do right or.

Sorry, didn't do right.

Wait a minute.

You didn't teach him how to see.

How to talk either.

So anyway, Miranda, big day coming up, right?

Yes.

So March 31, he is going to be having his vasectomy, which.

Hey, we.

That was supposed to happen after our four year old.

Okay, now we have an almost two year old.

So he just fought it every step of the way and was like, oh, I'm gonna lose my balls.

I'm like, you're not losing.

He's not a dog.

I know.

That's what I tried to tell him.

He doesn't get it.

He's so.

Well, what's funny?

Let's rewind a couple year.

A year or two ago, Chris had no idea that when you have a vasectomy, stuff still comes out.

Yeah, no idea.

He's like, oh, so you could just masturbate in a movie theater and you're not going to make a mess.

Just a puff of smoke.

Yeah, I mean, I thought I.

I was in the same camp, I guess.

That's hilarious.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, he literally, I think, thought for the longest that they were just gonna chop his balls off.

And there they go.

It's just ridiculous.

I mean, I've heard it's like the easiest thing ever.

You're in, you're out, you're fine.

You're at work the next day, so.

Oh, you don't even get like a month.

I mean, you don't even get like a week to.

No.

Have a pity party.

Did you have a baby?

No.

I mean, no.

I mean, not really.

60 seconds does not count.

That's.

We did all the work.

I sleep on that uncomfortable couch in the delivery room.

Well, you will never.

Let me tell you.

I.

You're not wrong.

I still have a crick in my neck.

You talking about.

I had to hear about it the whole time.

That's true.

They don't wait.

They don't wait on the.

The father hand and foot.

Well, they did.

So I couldn't eat anything.

I wasn't allowed to have food because I had.

Yeah, Emily couldn't either.

Something.

I had something and they kept bringing him food in.

No, no, no.

I had something wrong with me where they had to give me.

I don't.

There's something wrong with you if you want to be on this podcast every single week.

Well, but I.

I know, I know there is something wrong, but.

Yeah, I had to watch him get food brought in every meal, and I was just like.

I got ice chips and Sprite.

And he was like, I'm so sorry.

I'm like, you gotta eat, you know, Keep up your energy.

Keep up your energy for all the.

Pushing you're gonna be doing later for the nothing.

Yeah.

Well, that's exciting.

Maybe I'll be.

Maybe we'll go together.

I'll fly up to Tennessee.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He and I can go together and we could share war stories about the.

The splinters that the chairs and the hospitals gave us, and I think that would be uncomfortable.

It was for us.

And we didn't get a full night's sleep.

Oh, and we'll throw you a party or a parade.

Either.

Either or.

I mean, maybe there will be leprechauns.

I don't know.

It's possible.

So we've got some important news to attend to or important things to tend to, and that's.

We are overdue for the annual Friendy Awards.

It.

It used to happen the last weekend in March, which is the actual anniversary of this podcast.

And now we're.

Last year it was March, and then this year it's April, so we need to come up with categories.

And Chris and Darren, I'm really leaning heavily on you guys here.

You're going to be very.

Don't lean too heavily.

We'll to crush us.

It's not sound safe.

Okay.

I don't know that this is going to be as good of an idea as I thought.

That was a fat joke, Scott.

Yes, I got that.

I got that.

So I'm going to be completely honest with you.

Maybe this will be the.

This is not a bit.

I don't really have a lot of memory of the podcast in the last year.

Yeah, I don't remember.

I.

I walk away from the podcast.

Forget.

And maybe it's from having a kid.

I think, you know, you know, when you give birth, a lot of, like, your memory starts to go.

You pass it on to the child.

So I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but, you know, I forget a lot now.

So what if we did.

What if we did something else?

Because we.

We.

We haven't had a lot of guests this year, so we can't even, like, really do best guests.

They all bailed.

They all bailed.

We can't really do Best Interview because I think we only did one interview this year.

Yeah, they're busy doing Remy's roundtable.

So what if we did something else?

I.

I've been thinking about this for a little bit.

A lot of our show is based around exaggeration and bits.

Yeah.

Spoiler alert.

So what if we allowed everybody.

You have between now and WrestleMania weekend or the week before, whatever.

Yeah, you're fired.

No.

To send in questions that you may have for us.

Like, Chris, did you really throw a homeless man's pizza over the fence?

Oh, it's a good.

It's a good.

That's a good idea.

So the friend is making it less of an award show and like a.

Like more of a Q A to tell the truth.

That one episode, like that one episode that they have to do like a filler because all the writers are on strike and we're like, oh, we'll just do a Q A episode with the cast and break.

Perfectly put.

Alex, cut that.

I don't know.

What do you, what do you guys think?

Because I don't want to do like a recap of the year because I don't want to edit that much.

I will say that usually when you leave it to listeners to ask questions.

Nobody sends an email.

Right?

Yes.

They, they think of it when they're listening and then forget.

Correct, Correct.

That's okay.

I was just going to send a bunch of fake emails.

Alex cut that and, and be in control of our own destiny.

Okay, maybe we'll just do that then.

Alex got the part about me sending my own emails.

Actually don't.

So I, I don't know.

I, I think that would be, that would be a better idea because I think at this point if we force a friendies it's going to be bad.

I don't think there's enough categories unless.

We get Eddie dies it on to host.

Well, can you get it eason on?

We should, we should see if he'll get him.

You know what we should do is ask him if we pay a little extra if he'll do like a tell all or something and like reveal his darkest secrets.

Oh yeah.

Sarah, you were gonna say something.

Have Miranda or I send the message.

Yeah, that's true.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah.

Actually he messages me right anymore.

I don't want to put that on Miranda.

So I wished him happy birthday and he said thanks, Chris.

For those of you who don't know, Eddie Dezed has appeared on the show a couple times.

He was the voice of the know it all kid in the Polar Express.

He was Eugene in Greece and also the voice of the guy from the.

Show that Chris likes from Dexter's Laboratory.

Man Dark from Dexter's Laboratory.

There you go.

So I don't know, let me think about it.

I, I'm not in love with doing a friendies this year just because I feel like categories would have already come to you guys.

Yeah, yeah.

And you would have already thought of them.

You walk yourself into it every time.

I know, I know now something I was thinking about is, you know, we say all the time you keep like it's 20, 25 you can't say those things.

Sure.

Like, you can't say Eskimo.

Can't say Indian.

It's Native American.

Yeah, just keep, keep listing them off.

What else can't you say?

The New York Knicks.

You can't say, you know, the knickers anymore because it's too close to something else else.

And you catch for that.

Well, we have a different president now, and in 2026, I think all these things are going to be acceptable again.

Because now we're going to be like, it's 2026.

You can say that.

Or like, you can't say the.

So, free speech.

Yeah.

What do we think in 2026?

What terms do we think will become acceptable?

Like, or actually, what terms do you hear on an everyday basis, Miranda, that we're going to be able to start.

Using all of them.

Them.

All of them.

Oh, gosh.

Bring back the Washington Redskins.

Make America great.

That'll make America great again.

You see, the thing that I really can't wait for them or for us to be able to say again.

Darren, I don't know that that's ever going to be acceptable.

Chris.

What, what do you think?

What, what is the one, if you had one term that it's like, you know what?

I want to bring this back in 2026.

Oh, sitting Indian style.

I, I, I want to bring back sitting Indian style.

I think that was a, that was a.

One of the more underrated, borderline insensitive terms.

That wasn't ever insensitive.

I think it's honoring a, honoring a group of people and not be literally, what?

Okay, think about it.

Think about, think about it.

You're sitting Indian style, right?

What.

How is that offensive?

You know, are you referring to the group of people that live in India or you talking about Native Americans?

Listen, my kindergarten teacher just said, guys, sit Indian style.

And so we did it.

But you live in.

My first grade teacher told me to catch a leprechaun.

Listen, Scott, just let it go, you know?

Chris.

Yes.

Sitting Indian style.

And, you know, I'm having conversations about, like, I was wearing my Florida State Seminole sweatshirt when I was in Mexico, and they're like, oh, you can't wear that.

And I'm like, what are you talking about?

It's like, if I can't have my Redskins, you can't have your Seminoles.

I'm like, two different things.

That's, that is, that is different things.

Yes, but so I'm trying to explain why it's different, and I can't even explain it.

Using English.

Because I'm like, oh, the Seminole Indian.

Oh, I can't say that.

The seminal Native American.

The Seminole indigenous tribe.

Like, how tribe.

The Seminole tribe.

Yeah, but the Seminole tribe.

The football.

Like, what are we talking about here?

Hold on.

I'm trying to find.

I'm trying to find more terms.

Oh, okay.

So here.

Okay, here we go, guys.

Here we go, guys.

So I found a list of.

Of things that we shouldn't say anymore.

Okay.

And here we go.

So coming in at number one, gypped comes from the term gypsy, which I had no idea.

Which actually makes sense now.

It makes sense now.

I use it all the time.

I do, too.

All the time.

I won't.

But I did know that that's where it came from.

I did not know.

Know.

But hold on.

Are.

Like, don't.

Why do we care about offending gypsies?

Like, they're horrible people.

I also don't.

I also.

That's the Romanian background in me.

Okay.

Have you ever seen Hunchback of Notre Dame?

Literally my favorite Disney movie.

Okay.

The gypsies used to try to rip me off all the time.

Right.

They're.

They're scam artists.

Yeah.

I never knew that the term gypsy was an actual racist or in.

Not racist but insensitive thing to say, because isn't there a song Gypsy via Fleetwood back.

There's a Broadway show Gypsy.

See.

Is this.

Is this a real thing?

Is gypsy an offensive term?

I didn't think gypsy was an offensive term, but I do use gypped a lot, which I know is an offensive term.

In regards to gypsies.

Yes.

So instead, use terms like cheated or ripped off.

Nah, I think I'm gonna stick with.

All right, coming in at number two, spirit animal.

Why can't you say spirit animal?

Because it trivializes a sacred concept from some indigenous cultures.

I'm.

I'm paying homage to the indigenous cultures.

No, because you're saying things like, quote, coffee is my spirit animal.

Okay.

Coffee from the coffee bean.

And also there's rat poop in it.

Maybe that's how cheating.

His wife got sick.

Coffee was a spirit animal.

So staying on the topic of say something.

It just made me think of something I watch.

There's a show called Reacher.

I don't know if any of you watch it.

I want to.

I keep watching clips.

Gets me so fired up.

Oh, good.

But the other day, he was drinking coffee, and the maid was like, it's made of cat poop.

And he's like, it's like some special fancy coffee that's made from cat poop anyway.

Yeah, it's the most expensive.

No, true.

The.

The most expensive coffee in the world is made out of cat poop.

I see that every day.

I don't want to drink it.

Sarah's like, I drink this every day.

Who came up with that scam?

A gypsy.

Yeah, you got chipped.

Anyway, staying on the topic of Native Americans powwow.

I use the term pow wow every once in a while.

Let's have a pow wow real quick.

Yeah, before.

No, no, no, no.

That's pow.

Pow.

That's a box.

Hey, before our next podcast, let's.

Let's get together.

It's a.

Used for casual meetings.

Let's have a pow wow.

It reduces a spec American ceremonial gathering, though.

So what I'm getting here is the Native Americans are easily offended.

I think white people think that they're easily offended.

I, I, I.

There's a lot of Native American groups that want to bring back the name Redskins.

It's white people that petition to change the name for the record.

Anyway.

Lame.

What?

That's so lame.

Leans on a term for physical disability.

In a way, that's dismissal.

Kind of like when I say, you can't say handicapped.

The next one, which I think across the tailor.

Tell Brandon that, constant.

I don't think we need to describe that.

Yeah, Hobo.

I didn't know hobo was an offensive term.

Hobo is an offensive housed, unhoused person or traveler or gypsy.

I was gonna start telling people I travel.

I like this one.

Chinaman.

An older racial slur for Chinese people steeped in xenophobia.

Just use Chinese person.

Oriental or.

There's a lot of Oriental restaurants in my area, not because they're Chinese, but because it's called Oriental Palace.

But I thought Oriental was okay.

If you're describing a thing, as long.

As you're not calling a person Chinese person and you're calling a Japanese or a Vietnamese person Chinese, that's offensive.

You know, shouldn't call just like the.

A group of people from Asia.

Orientals.

Like, that's, that's.

No, they're Asian.

They're Asian.

Right, but that's like, like, like Canadians.

United States are ins.

And Mexicans are all Americans.

They call.

They call us Trump supporters.

Oh, my God.

I was just gonna say Canadians call us trash a lot of things now.

They hate us, though.

Yeah, but there's.

There's one Canadian on your side, guys.

Don't worry.

Who's that?

Me.

Hello.

She's everything.

Okay, so in this episode, you've been Romanian, Irish, Scottish, Canadian.

Man, you added a couple.

But you asked for my background.

My dad was born and raised in Montreal and I am in fact a Canadian citizen in.

I forget.

You know what I need instead of this stupid thing of Paris behind me?

I need to get a world map.

And I'm going to put a thumbtack everywhere Sarah mentions that she's lived.

Okay, Sarah, I want to see if you.

You ever use this term?

No.

No.

Have you ever used the term, like, when you haggle with someone, do you ever say that you've chewed them down?

Yes, because I'm allowed to say that usually come off as has jud them down.

It's more like, I am such a Jew.

Which is true.

It's okay.

It is.

It is a true stereotype.

And so are the Canadians.

So I have to prove myself wrong in two ways because they're all so very cheap.

So here's Sarah.

So let me ask you another question because I know we're all.

And Miranda too, because I want to see or I guess anybody.

But I'm gonna ask Sarah because I sound funnier.

Lewis is wearing a.

In a tank top undershirt.

What do you call it?

Wife.

Oh, sorry, that.

That's a wife beater.

Yes.

Right.

And.

And that's.

And like, to this day, I like, like, I'll be at a store.

I'll be at a store and be like, hey, where are your wife beaters?

I feel like that would never go.

All down in Florida.

Like, sir, you're at Walmart.

Look around.

Down.

Take your back.

So it's funny because when I first met Brandon and every night when he'd come over, he would be in none other than a wife.

He would show up in a wife.

Why I stayed with this man and married him and had kids with him, I don't know.

But yeah, here we are.

Oh, my goodness.

Down from the hills where shadows creep she's got a secret buried deep A fiery smile with a twinkle so sweet but don't cross a path or feel.

Defeated.

Sorry, I had to get that one in there.

Love it.

I love it.

When I looked at another article article for more of these terms.

One article is just all racist terms that I cannot even say.

Like, it's just like, yeah, here's one for an Irish people Patty.

I never knew that was a.

That's bad.

The word savage is not good anymore.

Ghetto.

How.

How was that derogatory?

It says as an adjective that's so ghetto it mocks poverty and black urban life.

Describe what you mean rundown or cheap without the stereotype.

Why does it have to be black?

I know, but listen, ask the article.

It's not.

Hey, Jews, Jews, wealth.

Dealt with the ghettos too.

So what's wrong with.

It's once a medical term, now a harsh jab at physical disability.

Just use disabled person or person with a disability.

Keep it human.

Can't say anymore.

Yeah, that's what I call my transmission.

You have to use the full name now.

Your transmission.

Or you can just say trans instead of tranny.

It's not the same.

Not for the engine, for the people.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Tomboy is now offensive.

That yesterday.

I mean, it's better than the alternative.

Well, Butch.

No, I'm not going to say the alternative on there.

Oh, the D word.

Yeah, the D.

I was thinking the D word.

Tomboy.

Not the worst offender.

But it's dated and re.

Reinforces gender norms.

An example, girls can't be rough naturally.

Use the terms active kid or adventurous.

Okay, Active kid.

Yeah.

Wife beater is probably.

My wife beater is one that I think will be grandfathered in.

Grandfathered in is another term you're not supposed.

Exactly.

But we're.

Pretty soon we're going to have to talk in Morse code because everything's gonna be offensive.

The good thing is, Chris, the whole point of this whole thing is we won't have to talk in Morse code because in 2026 we can bring back these terms.

So no can do is another.

What are we offending?

Soup cans?

Sounds innocent, but it mimics broken English in a mocking way, often aimed at Asian immigrants.

Can't swing it is more appropriate.

But now we're being offensive to baseball players.

Right?

Or bad baseball players.

Bad bas players.

Calling someone a chubby chaser meant to rib guys who like bigger women.

It's body shaming dressed as a quip.

Someone with a type is more.

It's more appropriate.

Let's call them someone with a type.

But we don't know what type.

That comes off more offensive to me.

And their type is high caloried humans.

We'll do a few more and then we'll move.

I'm just having a lot of fun.

This is offending people.

Yeah.

Fruit cake.

That's.

Hold on.

Oh, I use that a lot.

The role of offensive host is usually played by me, Chris.

I'm reading verbatim what I wrote for my journal, Chink in the armor.

Oh, yeah, we have a whole tick Tock video about that.

We do, we do.

Uppity.

Why is uppity Bad.

Once a dig at black people for acting above their station.

I didn't know it had anything to do with black people that are like.

What are they like?

I saw one today.

I use that word today.

Yeah, I mean, see, I offend everybody, apparently.

It's okay.

You're Jewish.

You.

You are one of the.

I have a card.

Yeah, you have a card because you're in the.

You're in that offended group.

Group that we've been offending.

So you can say offensive things.

It's okay.

This is actually the episode that we get canceled.

Imagine all the clips.

Okay, so sold down the river.

Sounds like a slavery term.

The turtle down the river.

I've never used it.

Yeah, I have a trail quip today.

But it comes from slavery.

Call a spade a spade.

I've used that.

That.

Now we're offending cards.

Yep.

Sounds blunt and honest, right?

Nope.

Its origins are murkier, but it's been twisted into a racial jab in some context.

Link the slur spade for black people.

The tomahawk chop for your blessed, beloved Seminoles.

Why is that offensive?

They love it.

They do it themselves.

The Seminole tribe does it.

Yeah, but that's their thing.

We're taking that, and they gifted it to us just like they gifted their lands to us.

Us.

They didn't.

We.

They still have their land.

No, we took their.

Their land was the United States of America.

Well, the.

Not the Seminole tribe.

The Seminole tribe still has casinos and restaurants.

Don't worry, guys.

Darren Scott.

Darren Scott.

There's plenty of fine people on both sides.

All right, one more, Chris.

All right.

My last one.

Long time no see.

Defending blind people.

Native Americans.

What?

Why?

Because it mocks their broken English.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I was almost gonna do an impression, but.

Yeah, I was just thinking of, like, Peter Pan character.

Yeah.

Can't wait till 2026.

Yeah.

Low man on the totem pole.

Oh, yeah, we can't say that.

Yep, that's my rule of thumb.

Oh, never mind.

Rule of thumb's also another one.

All right, we're just gonna.

Wait, wait.

Actually, this is actually a really good one.

Rule of thumb.

A rough guess today, but folklore ties it to an old law.

Letting men beat their wives with sticks no thicker than a thumb.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Interesting.

All right.

Hey, Chris Scott, you got any Cliff Notes?

I do.

You.

And those are like.

And there's.

Feather and rust.

He sells chaos, hidden stomach.

So, first of all, Kanye west just put out a tweet saying, when R.

Kelly gets out of prison, his first album is going to be called.

I'm pissed.

The guy.

That guy.

Out of every 10 anti semitic tweets, one is pretty funny, right?

I don't know.

I thought the.

The.

The.

The him tweeting out the clan outfit was pretty funny.

He was like, why did Instagram take this down?

So we started off talking about how Miranda's birthday and Mother's Day around the same time.

So because of this, her husband can do his all time favorite thing, killing two birds with one stone.

He actually prefers using his hands.

But.

You'Re not wrong.

Scott said he got Rachel a lightsaber for her birthday.

He actually wanted Rachel to remember what a firm hilt felt like.

So that's.

Oh, my God.

Not.

You said you were looking for something for Rachel at Disney Springs and found Kate Spade.

Now I thought you meant her dead body and then realized you weren't shopping for Miranda's husband.

Scott said he wanted the siblings so bad he would pluck his eyelashes out to make a wish.

Now that didn't work, so he just continued up his head and reached peak baldness by 12.

That was.

That was submitted by the wise man.

Actually.

Actually, that's a funny one.

Thank you.

Scott asked his dad for a sibling and his dad said he'd discuss it with Scott's mom.

Scott's parents must have really liked the idea because all Scott could hear was them clapping while they discussed it in their room.

Oh, you don't like how.

You don't like how it feels when your parents are talked about in a sexual manner?

Oh, you don't like that?

Oh, hi.

That's very interesting.

So, okay, sorry, story time.

So Darren comes out to the patio.

Darren stepped out on the patio right in the middle of it.

So Rachel got a really nice tan and she looks fantastic.

She's first of all, very really nice tan.

And she's been like, going hard on the peloton.

So she's lost weight.

And.

And I'm like.

Sorry for you.

Are you jealous?

This guy's heart can't take it anymore.

So.

So, you know, I was just complimenting her, telling her how attractive she is, and Darren comes out and says something.

Something like, ew, you know, get a room.

And I said, what?

I didn't tell you that I jackhammered your stepmom last night.

And.

And because he was being annoying, so I just kept descriptive as.

As it would.

Because he wouldn't leave.

He just sat there and I was.

Like.

Just having that visual now what forever being.

When he jackhammer.

He did.

He did like three Thrusts.

And then he was done.

It was really fast.

Darren.

When he said jackhammer, all he meant is the.

The noise he made.

When I.

When I said jack hammered, I literally meant I was repair driveway.

When you said jackhammer, he's just jacking off while hammered.

That's.

That's really.

And lastly, you talked about how Transformers need to do a collab with Tampon, so I'm going to help with coming up with some potential names.

So I came up with a couple.

We have Optifflow prime and Bumble Bleed.

Those are my favorites.

Thank you so much, Chris.

He's so pissed.

When we get Transformer tampons, I'm gonna be texting you.

Chris.

We're gonna do that.

Hasbro's newest line.

Anybody got anything exciting going on with the kids this week?

I don't have kids.

Yeah, actually.

So actually, it's not.

I'm trying to think.

It's actually not fun.

She was sick, and I had to use that straw nose suck thing again.

And like, and.

And I.

Accident.

And I'm.

I'm sucking hard.

Like, I.

Like when I listen.

And this is not to sound weird at all, but I go with this thing.

Like, my lungs hurt after, and I don't think I'm using it right because I don't think your lungs should hurt.

I.

I for.

For whoever doesn't know what this is, look up, like, freedom Mom Nose sucker.

And when you.

It is hard when you suck that thing.

Miranda, do you.

You, do you suck with your.

And I.

I really don't mean to sound weird.

Do you suck from your lungs or do you suck from your mouth?

Do you close off your throat and suck, or do you just suck from the.

And then do you spit or do you swallow?

I, like, hold my breath almost and just, like, do it.

Yeah.

And just, like, I mean, it worked, though, right?

So it does work.

But sometimes, like, some.

Some.

There's some boogers in there that are, like, in the sinuses.

So you.

I do it for my lungs.

And I.

And I.

I thought I had to use my inhaler.

Apparently, after.

Oh, it's.

Yeah.

Sarah, how do you suck?

And Sarah's secret stash.

Find out for 8.99.

But talking about spitting, I going, like, I.

Like I said, I go.

I.

I.

I go from the lungs.

I forgot to put the filter in the nose sucker.

Oh, no.

And I'm like, why is this so much easier?

And then.

Oh, why did that sound like that?

Oh.

Oh, the picture.

Like, yeah, that was my biggest night.

Like, fear.

I Retired using it.

Yeah, she's.

She's so congested now.

She's so congested.

But you're not eating boogers, so that's good.

I can't do it.

So that happened and Emily came home and she's like, oh, the filter's right here.

Here.

Thanks, babe.

So.

So, yeah, that happened and now she got me sick.

So this is my flu game.

Hope I performed well and hopefully we win the finals.

But.

Yeah, so.

But this weekend we're going to a St.

Patty's Day party and.

And so Emily's mom's coming over to watch the baby, which is nice.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

I wish we had somebody to do that.

It's the best, I'm sure.

Yes, Darren Lewis and chat says amazingly yes.

Thanks, Lewis and Chad.

Thanks.

So sweet.

Got your back, front, bottom, top.

Yeah, just.

Yes.

Oh, Miranda, where can our listeners find you?

You.

Oh, gosh, I just went blank.

Skip me.

Hold on.

Not your address.

Dude.

I just like, literally was thinking.

Don't.

Yeah, she's.

You can find me.

I love Dahmer on Tick Tock.

That should be it.

No, you can find me on the Tick Tock at Rander Underscore Darren, you.

Can find me on Instagram at Darren Underscore Maffei.

And that'll bring you to my link tree where all my other socials.

Sarah, you can find me on the tick tock@super Sarah94.

Chris, you can find me on Instagram @ChrisYab and then follow us on Tick Tock where I do a lot of our videos now where in our description because I always forget the name at the park.

Nodiefriends.

Yeah, you can connect with all of us and see all of all of Chris's videos that he puts out on our Instagram, our Facebook, our Tik Tok.

They're all right there on our website.

No new friends podcast dot com.

While you're there, check out our really sweet merchandise.

Join our clubhouse for as low as $2 a month.

That's our Patreon.

And also, don't forget to check us out live every single Wednes Monday.

Every Single Monday around 8pm on the YouTube.

You can see all of our smiling faces as we record these things.

And if you listen to us on Spotify or Apple, please leave us a five star rating and review.

It really helps us out, helps us grow, all that good stuff.

On behalf of redbeard, the producer Darren.com Nick, Sarah, Miranda, Chris, I'm Scott.

Thank you so much for listening.

We'll see you next time.

See you later, Poopy bus.

Only friends Just the old and the.

Bold in the world of K We're the ones who hold Scott Chris out and make a tale to be told welcome to the podcast where adulting unfolds where adulting unfolds we're adulting unfolds.