Lisa Marie Rankin [00:00:00]:

Today we are revisiting a classic tale, one that most of us probably filed away after kindergarten, the Ugly Duckling. But this isn't a story just about a duck. It's a story about every woman who's ever felt out of place and believed that she didn't belong. It's about rejection, resilience, and cultivating the part of you that encourages your individuality and maybe even your peculiarities. So if you've ever wondered where you really belong, this episode is for you. Let's Dive in welcome to the Goddess School Podcast, a space for women who want to reclaim their story, awaken their archetypal power, and live mythically. I'm Lisa Marie Rankin, author, teacher, and your mythic guide. I help women step beyond self help and into soul work by weaving together Jungian psychology, storytelling, writer, ritual, and feminine wisdom traditions.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:00:58]:

In each episode, you'll find personal reflections, mythic frameworks, and soul stirring conversations designed to help you re enchant your everyday life and become the heroine of your next chapter. This isn't about fixing yourself, it's about becoming the woman you are meant to be. The veil is parting, the ship is setting Sail. Let's begin foreign welcome back beautiful listeners to the Goddess School Podcast. Today we are going to dive into the story of the Ugly Duckling and talk about some of the themes and archetypes within the story, as well as the concept of the identity of not belonging. Before we dive in, I want you to consider what if the moments you felt most out of place were weren't evidence that something was wrong with you, but just an opportunity to look deeper? One of my teachers often says, enter through the upset whenever we feel that something is not right, whether we're feeling a sense of anxiety, abandonment, or that like we don't belong, it's an opportunity to learn more about ourselves now in those times when we feel like we don't belong. Sure, it could mean that maybe this just isn't our right pack and that you were meant for something different, that it just doesn't align. And it also might mean that you've crafted an identity of not belonging to protect yourself from potential rejection.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:02:33]:

I've actually done this fairly frequently and I will share a few examples as as we go along. Either way, this feeling of not fitting in offers us an opportunity to look deeper, to discover what's really going and make changes both internally and externally so that we can get closer to our personal truth, to who it is that we really are and what we need from our community. Today, we'll look at the story of the Ugly Duckling not just as a tale of transformation, though that surely it is, but as a map for reclaiming what it feels like to belong. And it starts with how we feel we belong on the inside. So before we go into the different themes and archetypes, I want to provide you with a short retelling of the ugly duckling. In Hans Christensen Andersen's beloved tale, a mother duck hatches her eggs and out waddles a very strange looking creature. He is larger, grayer and clumsier than all the rest. In fact, the other animals kind of ridicule him and bully him.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:03:41]:

Even his own mother, despite her efforts of trying to get him to fit in, starts to grow wary. Rejected by all, the duckling runs away and stumbles into the care of a kindly farmer. Yet even here, he never quite belongs. As the seasons change, he wanders through a harsh winter of isolation. But at the story's end, he sees his reflection in the water and he realizes that he was a swan all along. So he was trying to fit in as a duck, but he wasn't even a duck. So there's so much that I want to unpack from this story. Things you might not have thought about the first time you read it, like the mother, the farmer, as well as the identity of not belonging and the concept of the mistaking zygote, which isn't in this story, but it is in Clarissa Pinkola Este's Women who Run with the Wolves chapter where she talks about the ugly duckling.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:04:38]:

And I think it's worth highlighting that here as well too. First, however, let's talk about the mother in the Ugly Duckling. So the mother is trying at first to get the little duckling to fit in, but she starts to grow weary because it's just not working. In a recent InterPAC session. So this is my group where we meet weekly to dive deep into the chapters of Women who Run with the Wolves. We explored the mother figure in the story not just as the duckling's little literal mother, but as the mirror of our inner mother. So this is the voice that we all have within us that's either going to soothe or shame, encourage or critique. Carl Jung taught that we all carry these internalized figures from childhood.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:05:24]:

And in Women who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes outlined several types of mothers. And in our study group, we added several more. So I'm going to share them with you today. Before I start talking about the different types of mothers, however, I want you to tune in and as I'm talking, see what comes up in your body, what feels most alive to you. Now, of course, as we do this work, it's always tempting to project on others. Like we'll think about our actual mothers and what role they played, or we think about the way that we are mothering our children. Let's not do that here. Let's just really focus on our inner mother, how we mother ourselves.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:06:08]:

So I'm going to read these six types of mothers to you and again, just see what, what's resonating, what feels active within you. There is the ambivalent mother. This is the mother who is loving, but she's distracted. And she's pulled in many different directions. Maybe one day she's very loving and the next day she's sort of an absentee mom. So there's a sense of ambivalence. She doesn't really know which way to go or maybe what to do. And her affections are often a bit chaotic.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:06:43]:

Then there is the collapsed mother. And this mother is just exhausted. She's tired and because she's collapsed, she is unable to protect or support. So she still loves her child, but she's not really showing up fully for them. Then there's the child mother, and this is the immature mother. Maybe she wasn't quite ready to be a mother or she was never mothered correctly herself and she's unequipped to guide because she still has childlike tendencies herself. There's also the devouring mother. And this mother is overprotective.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:07:21]:

She wants to kind of create a glass ceiling on her child. Partly it might be she doesn't want the child to outshine her. Or it could also be because she's really focused on keeping the child safe. In any event, she prioritizes safety and undermines growth. There's also the abusive mother. And this mother is actively harmful. It could be physically harmful, but it could also be emotionally harmful. This abusive mother is very critical, says mean things and can be very discouraging.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:07:55]:

Lastly, there is the strong mother. And this is the mother of deep self trust, encouragement and unconditional love. The strong mother is not frazzled when her child doesn't fit in or has difficulties. But she's really a pillar of strength that encourages a sense of uniqueness. So as I read those off, we had the ambivalent mother, the mother that's just distracted, doesn't really know what she wants, pulled in many directions. The collapsed mother, the child mother, the devouring mother, the abusive mother, and the strong mother. Which one felt most alive in you? Now, it's important to identify how it is that we're mothering ourselves, because when we carry an inner mother who criticizes, controls, or just isn't available, we continue this pattern of not belonging, even to ourselves. So even if we found our pack, if we haven't healed this inner mother dynamic, we're always going to feel like we don't quite fit in.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:09:01]:

So what we really need to do is to develop that strong mother to our inner child. It's interesting because many of you have been in my community for some time, are on my substack, and have been listening to the podcast. I've been talking a lot lately about this endless healing loop and how we don't need to heal the inner child and we don't need to quiet the inner critic. But what I like to focus on is developing the counterparts. So, yes, inner children are needy and they need to feel loved. They need attention, they need to be played with, but they don't really need to be healed. But what we do need to do is to develop that strong mother, a mother that will be like, I see you. You're doing great.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:09:46]:

You're beautiful. That's really what we need to do, is to develop those counterparts. Now, sometimes people will ask me, well, great, how do I develop this strong mother? And I always believe it starts with the basics. It's getting a good night's sleep, you know, waking up early with the sunrise, eating nourishing foods, hanging around people who have your best interest at heart being the mother that you would always want. And it really starts with some of the basics, like that when we can take care of our physical body and how we feel, everything else starts to follow suit. So really starting to think about how you mother yourself because you will never be too old for a good night's sleep. Nourishing food, to move your body in strengthening ways, and to hang out with people who have your best interest in mind. So really starting to take that role as the strong mother.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:10:39]:

And that's really going to help you be able to discern whether a group is right for you or whether you are putting yourself on the outside as a protection strategy, which we're going to get into in just a moment. Now, the other archetype that I want to look at in this story is the farmer. So this is the stranger who brings the duckling inside during a very hard winter. He's a temporary savior, but he doesn't see the duckling's truth, and he doesn't nurture the duckling. Now, we all have these moments, whether it's a relationship, job, someone who encounters us that maybe lifts us up out of a frozen place or a troubling situation. But they aren't there for the long term. They're not meant to be our forever homes. They're simply bridges.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:11:33]:

They're necessary, temporary. We can be grateful, but we don't need to stay there forever. So as you think of the farmer, consider who have been the farmers in your life. They might have got you out of a bad situation, but perhaps they weren't meant to stay. And that is okay. So those are some of the archetypes from the story. But I also want to unpack another concept that actually a member of the inner pack my woman who run with the wolves study group brought up recently, sometimes it's not that we don't belong, it's that we have cultivated an identity of not belonging. So you might say to yourself, I just don't belong here.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:12:17]:

But you have to consider, is that actually true or is this an identity that was crafted as a protective strategy? So maybe you weren't disappointed or you weren't rejected. Now, this is something that I have done quite a bit in my life. So let me give you a few examples. In high school, I had a group of a few close friends, which I am very grateful for. They are still my friends today. But as far as like the big pack of girls that would get together, I always felt like I was on the outside. And I think one of the reasons for this is that my father used to tease me when I was a little girl. And teasing actually isn't very nice, especially to children.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:12:56]:

But he used to always be like, does anyone even like you? And while he may or may not have meant it jokingly, it always planted a seed. Does anyone like me? So I would show up aloof, guarded, already sure I wouldn't belong. So people thought I was aloof, guarded and snobby. Right. I created the exact conditions that kept me out in high school. I definitely crafted an identity of not belonging and even years later. So in my early 30s, in the town that I live in at the time, I worked full time and my husband, we are divorced now, but at the time was a stay at home dad. And this made me feel like I was really different than the other families because I assumed that all the other moms were stay at home moms with husbands that were working and they could have these like, you know, fantastical play dates.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:13:47]:

And here I was, you know, going into work Every day. I was the breadwinner in my family. So as a result, I avoided the group. I avoided becoming friends with all of these moms. Only much later did I find out that most of them did work. And even if they didn't, I. I would have been more than welcome in the group. The exile was self imposed.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:14:08]:

I surely did it to myself. So those are some examples that I can think of where I felt like I didn't belong, but I was actually, it was almost like preemptive. I was making sure that I wasn't rejected. Again, the exile is self imposed. So I encourage you also to think about the times where you felt you didn't belong, whether it was actually true. Because sometimes we adopt the identity of the outsider so we can armor ourselves from rejection. But in doing so, we also deny ourselves the nourishment of belonging. Another idea that I wanted to explore, and it's not in the Ugly Duckling story, but it is in the chapter of Women who Run with the Wolves where Clarissa Pinkola Estes breaks down the Ugly Duckling.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:14:58]:

She talks about the concept of a mistaken zygote. And this is an idea that the stork accidentally dropped you off in the wrong family. So the stork was along its way delivering babies and you just got dropped off in the wrong family. You're a swan raised by Dex. This can feel really validating, especially for those of us who had really difficult childhoods and never really felt like they fit in with the family. But I also wanted to present you with another perspective. And this is a Vedic one, so it's based on Eastern traditions. And from that perspective, your soul actually chose your family before you were even born for a reason.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:15:36]:

That your pain had a purpose. There's no right or wrong here. Both are myths. Both can be empowering depending on where you are in your journey. What matters is the story you choose to carry forward, the story that's going to serve you. So consider. Do you believe in the mistake in zygote? That maybe you were just accidentally dropped off at the wrong place? Do you believe that your soul actually chose your family for the lessons you needed to give? Now, personally, the Vedic tradition aligns a little bit more with my beliefs. Although I can definitely say from some family experiences, I'm still trying to figure out the lessons that I am here to learn.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:16:20]:

There are just so many juicy bits of wisdom that we can get from the Ugly Duckling. But even probably more than the wisdom are the inquiries that arise. So today I want you to consider what kind of inner mother is most active in you right now? And what do you need to do to start to develop that strong mother to yourself? Have you ever mistaken self protection for not belonging? So maybe you actually did belong. And what myth resonates with you? The concept of the mistake in zygote where the stork dropped you off at the wrong house? Or that your soul chose your precise family so you could get the lessons you needed in this lifetime? And remember, your belonging isn't something others grant you, it's something that you need to give yourself. So until next time, beautiful ones, take exquisite care of your inner duckling. Or I guess I should say, your inner swan. With love, I will see you soon. Thank you for joining me for this episode of the Goddess School Podcast.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:17:27]:

I hope it sparked your imagination and excited expanded your vision for what's possible. If you're ready to explore these concepts more deeply, reclaim your personal myth and live with greater creativity and enchantment, I invite you to join me Inside enlivened my Divine Feminine Mystery School and Sacred Community where we bring these teachings to life through ritual, story coaching and of course, real world action. You can find the link to learn more in the show notes. And remember, the Goddess isn't a deity outside of yourself. She's an aspect of your highest self. You are the Goddess until.