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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hi and welcome to the U World order showcase. Podcast I'm your host, Jill Hart. And with us today is Philippa

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Beckley.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, right?

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Philippa Bagley: Right.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay, I'm notorious for mangling people's names. So I always ask with a question, mark

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Philippa helps business owners, executives and high stress professionals, reduce stress, build emotional resilience and resolve underlying issues in just 3 months. She does this by integrating neuroscience, psychotherapy and coaching without creating long-term dependency on therapy or coaching, even if they're struggling with imposter syndrome, insecurities or unresolved anxieties.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And she's the host of journey to purpose. Podcast welcome to the show Philippi. It's really great to have you here.

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Philippa Bagley: Thank you, Jill, and also on the name front. Everyone says it wrong for some reason, so do not worry at all.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay. But it's it's wonderful to be here. Thank you for having me.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So tell us your story. How did you get started in all of this I know that you were in the military at 1 point.

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Philippa Bagley: Hmm, yeah, it. It didn't start after the military, so I left, I said in the British Army, and then went on to be a reservist, and I worked in corporations for a long time

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Philippa Bagley: where it really started for me was with my husband. He he had a mental health crisis. And at that point I knew mental health 1st aid. But it wasn't enough.

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Philippa Bagley: And what we also found exploring was that, like the loss of talking therapy. So traditional psychology, it didn't move him. It got him in this loop, as we had to look for something different.

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Philippa Bagley: And I discovered that I really really found this stuff fascinating, I mean, I love to learn. And so it's just another avenue of learning.

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Philippa Bagley: But with that, and then the pandemic hitting, and with my army background I was reaching that age. So I'm in my forties, but a lot of my colleagues who have also served. They're starting to come out with Ptsd. They're starting to come out with anxiety with all these things that you think.

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Philippa Bagley: how is that possible?

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Philippa Bagley: And so it really was. The combination of my husband. And then my colleagues, having these these life challenges memory go. There must be a better way, must be something I can do about this. And so I ended up studying, studying, studying, and applying, and and then here we are today.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That's really fascinating, and it seems like a lot of people in 2020. It was kind of a turning point for all of us where, and it doesn't really matter even where you are in the world. I mean, this is a global phenomenon where people just seem to be waking up and realizing that they were living

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: a life that really didn't feel good to them, they were trying to do things. Be the good girl and boy, and you know, do what was expected of them. But

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it just wasn't working anymore. I think that just the global slowdown, it's like, Wow.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: this is different, and this is kind of like a moment.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I have a moment to look at what my life is like.

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Philippa Bagley: Yeah, no, definitely. And I think you you can from from research I was doing, and from what I was saying, you could put it into the different categories. So you had

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Philippa Bagley: like people myself, I was still working in my in what I was doing was doing a government contract. So my life didn't really change other than actually, I stopped traveling so much. And that was wonderful, because I actually live in a forest so we could walk out in the Uk. We're allowed to go. You could walk out from your house, living in the forest. I could walk and walk and walk and walk, so for me. It was a very positive experience, and it made me reflect on the life I want to live.

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Philippa Bagley: You had people like my brother. He suffers from us. I say stuff is one word he has Asperger's. He's he's very intelligent, lived on his own, and although he struggles with people interaction because he can't always read their emotions. He's not a hermit.

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Philippa Bagley: and of course, suddenly he was shut down into this world where he couldn't go anywhere. He lived in London in a flat. You know. He really struggled with that because he couldn't interact with people. And you have everyone on the spectrum between the 2. But I think the key thing that you said there was the slowdown.

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Philippa Bagley: because everybody, regardless had more time. Not that nearly everybody. I think the Amazon drivers might have had more time, but nearly everybody had more time to stop and reflect and go.

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Philippa Bagley: Is there another way of being? Am I truly happy? And that's that's a real gift that we're not often afforded. And that was like a once in a generational. Everybody could get that moment, and and people.

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Philippa Bagley: Some went forward, and some went to read out places.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. And it didn't, you know, for some of us it was like an Aha moment, and and it and a reason to really embrace who we are and and step out. And

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and if you're the kind of person that's into helping people, it was like, Oh.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I know that there's a need. And I'm gonna go.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm going to go pursue it, which I think is what you did.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You know you you saw these people that were struggling, and you said, Hey.

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Philippa Bagley: It's interesting to me. Let me figure out how to solve that problem for you

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Philippa Bagley: absolutely. But it also me a really good lesson even back then that I didn't know until I was later on my journey, which is, not everyone wants to be helped.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yes.

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Philippa Bagley: And that's a really crucial thing, you know. I I'm sitting there trying to, you know. I see colleagues struggling, and I'm reaching out going, hey, you know, are you okay? And and for some people even having someone

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Philippa Bagley: notice that they're not okay is a real red flag. You know it. And I got a lot of fear responses from some people

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Philippa Bagley: who.

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Philippa Bagley: either because of my age, my gender of the type of relationship we had and didn't think it was appropriate for me to ask them if they're okay. And and it's that old thing of the road to hell is paid with good intentions.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay.

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Philippa Bagley: You know, and and what I've learned since is is, it's so important to have people's

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Philippa Bagley: buy in and their acceptance that something isn't okay before you spring it on them going, hey? I think you know. Okay, they don't always want to hear it, or they're not ready to hear it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They don't recognize it in themselves.

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Philippa Bagley: Exactly.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Even even though we had that gift, they they didn't.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They didn't slow down enough, or they did slow down, and they the

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: slick, the deer in the headlights. Oh, crap! This is really bad. I'm not gonna look at that. I'll find something else to do. Watch the television whatever.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: but or drink too much. I mean, whether it was like, you know, drink wine.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Well, that's that's not a solution to the problem.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's it's just gonna make it worse

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: in the long run. So I I can totally relate to the they have to buy it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It was a lesson I didn't learn until much later in life. And I struggled with that for a lot of years because people would think I was bossy.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: My superpower is problem solving.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. So you want to solve problems.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You tell me you've got a problem, or if I can see you've got a problem.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I want to sell it big puzzle. Let's throw it out on tail. Get those pieces going.

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Philippa Bagley: I mean, it's it's and it's so natural as well. People who want to serve, as you say, whether you're a problem solver or just like a caregiver, and whatever format that takes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Philippa Bagley: We see someone not in their best place, we see a problem that that we think we can solve, but but that that lesson of knowing that

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Philippa Bagley: people have to be ready and open to be helped.

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Philippa Bagley: You know you could throw everything you have at them, and they'll know they won't hear you, because they're not ready.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I I've I've learned to discern better when I talk to people, and I'm sure you have, too, and I and I.

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Philippa Bagley: Just.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Come out and ask them, hey, do you want this problem solved? Or you just want to complain about it? Because, you know, sometimes we just want to complain about something.

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Philippa Bagley: So I have a thing with my dad and my husband actually my brother a little bit as well, if they complain about something once like something medical, they can have it. If it's more than once my question is, have you gone to a doctor, or the pharmacy, or wherever? And if they haven't, then I don't give them any sympathy until they go and deal with the problem. And it's been a very effective way of getting my close family to address these problems, because they know I'm getting sympathy. But it's so true, though sometimes you do just need to vent, and that is also very important.

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Philippa Bagley: But there comes a point where and again, you'll know this.

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Philippa Bagley: Some people like to sit in their pain. They like to sit in the misery they like. It's a badge of honor.

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Philippa Bagley: and it doesn't actually serve them. But they won't let it go.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Or any anyone around them.

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Philippa Bagley: Absolutely. Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I'm here to tell you you have permission to not allow those people

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: to occupy space in your head or your heart.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and that's where boundaries come in.

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Philippa Bagley: Absolutely. And that. And that's why Budget is so important as well. I mean, I I love my family. And actually it's worked turns out. My my dad and my brother, my husband are very trainable, and they now know after one strike they have to go and solve the problem or be quiet about it.

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Philippa Bagley: but I have also, consciously, over the last 4 or 5 years, moved away from people who who are have been too negative. It's the radiator versus the drain. It's not that I don't care, because I do care, but I care about myself

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Philippa Bagley: enough to go. I'm sorry.

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Philippa Bagley: but but you don't want any help. You don't want to listen. You don't want to change.

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Philippa Bagley: I can't keep giving you my energy and my time, just for you to.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Even if they're not yeah, even if they're not with you. It's like.

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Philippa Bagley: Absolutely.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It goes on in your head, and it

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they they really do just suck your energy, and they don't even I don't think it's malicious. They don't mean.

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Philippa Bagley: Together.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But it's just the kind of people that we are.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It happens so we have to for our own protection, remove ourselves from those sorts of people, and those sorts of situations for our own mental health.

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Philippa Bagley: Definitely. And it's the old thing of putting oxygen mask on first, st you know you we really.

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Philippa Bagley: And and that doesn't matter what job you're in actually, whether you're a caregiver or you know a therapist, a coach, whatever

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Philippa Bagley: whoever you are, put on your oxygen mask first, st because if you cannot look after yourself. Of course you can't look after other people.

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Philippa Bagley: but in in that, just be aware of the people who are never

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Philippa Bagley: going to want to do anything, or sometimes by pushing them away. It's the kick they need to change, not always, but sometimes it does have an effect. But the the crucial thing is saving your own energy, your own

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Philippa Bagley: boundaries, to make sure that you. You are good for you, because then you can go out and serve other people better.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, and the people that want and need your help.

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Philippa Bagley: Hmm.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You allow space for those people to come into your circle, because we can only deal with so many people at a time. We can't help everybody.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and when you're selective about who you're working with.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: then it allows it allows the people that really do need your help and want your help most importantly, to come into your your circle.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So you use a different different types of modalities. And you integrate neuroscience. I'm really curious about that. How does that look.

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Philippa Bagley: Oh, do you know, I've got just thinking behind me, I have a prop. I didn't plan this, but I just saw it. I was like, oh, I've got my my brain in the room. And

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Philippa Bagley: okay.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Say.

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Philippa Bagley: Science letter. This is what I do for fun and for my work. So the thing about neuroscience, the thing I love about it.

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Philippa Bagley: and more so than psychology. It's a way of rewriting your behaviors at a really deep level.

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Philippa Bagley: And the reason I got my brain is

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Philippa Bagley: basically every time we have any kind of stimulus. So even just like waking up seeing the sun, what happens is it's part of your brain called the pallamus in the middle of somewhere here.

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Philippa Bagley: and the

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Philippa Bagley: the stimulus goes right to the thalamus, and from there it goes up to your intelligent brain, up here and down to your emotional brain.

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Philippa Bagley: This is the same for everybody.

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Philippa Bagley: What also happens for everybody is you actually have an emotional response 1st to everything.

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Philippa Bagley: Normally, your intelligent brain kicks in like half a second later and goes, Hey, it's cool, or it's just the sun, or it's whatever it is, and we're all good. We just carry on with our lives. But what often happens with a lot of people is they're stuck down in their emotional brain.

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Philippa Bagley: And there's a thing that's called the amygdala, which I'm sure you'll know about. But the amygdala is the fear center, fight or flight, or in actually a fight flight fawn or freeze, you might hear as well.

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Philippa Bagley: and so many people get stuck down here and don't realize it.

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Philippa Bagley: So the reason I know when listening people just listening can't see it. But trust me, there's a brain, and it's down the bottom of your brain.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Pointing to the important parts.

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Philippa Bagley: I am. Here's what I made earlier. And so with people going through imposter syndrome with anxiety, with even depression. What's happening is you're stuck in this emotional part of your brain down the bottom of your brain in the amygdala area.

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Philippa Bagley: and the more you do it the more it becomes your template for behavior. So there's another part of your brain called hippocampus, which is kind of next to the amygdala.

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Philippa Bagley: And basically that goes oh,

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Philippa Bagley: today at work. Someone was grumpy. It must be my fault, and that you take everything to be your fault, and that becomes a template for your reactions to everything. And so what happens? More and more and more, you start to get stuck down here and only see the negative

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Philippa Bagley: and the brain. The brain loves to be negative. It's its way of protecting you. But of course, in this modern day and age it doesn't serve you.

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Philippa Bagley: And so

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Philippa Bagley: what the reason I love. Neuroscience is because we can just rewire all of that and move you out of the emotional brain back up into the intelligent brain. And it doesn't. It's not painful. It doesn't take a long time. It's literally just about rewiring your brain with a concept called neuropathicity, which is basically the idea that we are not fixed, we can change. And

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Philippa Bagley: previously in, in old sort of psychological theories, we thought that everything was fixed. So after usually around, we get over being a teenager.

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Philippa Bagley: Beware what you wear.

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Philippa Bagley: You couldn't become anything different. You couldn't grow. You couldn't evolve like your brain was fixed.

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Philippa Bagley: but we now know that you can change at any point in your life. And this is so exciting for me, because it means, who do you want to be?

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Philippa Bagley: Because you can become that person.

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Philippa Bagley: But it all starts with getting yourself out of the emotional brain and back into the intelligent brain. So you can make those conscious decisions and using neuroscience concepts, talking about rewiring the brain neuroplasticity along with clinical, hypnotherapy psychotherapy coaching. It's such, in my opinion, a powerful shortcut

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Philippa Bagley: you don't. And also I'm very. I work in solutions focused therapy.

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Philippa Bagley: So sometimes you need to go back to go forward. But you don't always

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Philippa Bagley: and again, with the use of neuroscience. We can either

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Philippa Bagley: essentially do like rewire memories of trauma, of

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Philippa Bagley: of overwhelm or fear quite quickly.

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Philippa Bagley: and they allow you to move forward to be that person who's not carrying those things. And so I get so excited about it as you can tell. It's just really powerful, but also painless. And that's the crucial thing, isn't it, for everybody? You want to move forward quickly.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it doesn't require drugs.

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Philippa Bagley: No drugs, no apps.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: At, the.

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Philippa Bagley: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: The thing about your emotional, your emotional brain.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Whenever you get a stimulus, it's going to generate some chemical response. Your emotions are a chemical response.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: In your body. So it's not just your thoughts. It's your whole physical well-being that you're affecting when you make these changes, and they can happen really fast with some of these modalities that are out there. If you have the right coach

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: to help you understand how to make it happen for you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you know, when you talk about 3 months, 3 months is actually even a really long time in 3 months you're gonna have this so cemented into you that you will be a different person. At the end of 3 months.

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Philippa Bagley: Absolutely. And I've had. I mean, I I work a lot with trauma victims as well because of my background.

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Philippa Bagley: And I've had people even I've questioned myself going.

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Philippa Bagley: And then suddenly, around month and a half, the shift happens. You know it. It's amazing. And the

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Philippa Bagley: but there are people who who don't need 3 months in all honesty. I had a lady come in to see me. She had extreme phobia of heights and open spaces, and this is a problem because she loved running and just married a marine, and they love running up and down hills, and she couldn't go up a hill. It was that bad? What was interesting, though she previously tried to address it under hypnotherapy, and had a panic attack under hypnotherapy, because, unfortunately, the practitioner wasn't perhaps as experienced as they should have been.

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Philippa Bagley: and with her I could have done it in one or 2 sessions in all honesty. But because of that that panic. I didn't want to trigger things.

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Philippa Bagley: and I think I took 4 sessions to to really completely rewire everything.

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Philippa Bagley: And what was lovely, she went away to Italy with her husband to run up and down some mountains.

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Philippa Bagley: and at 1 point her husband turned around and went, how are you okay? Because she hadn't noticed that she was on a mountain and 4 sessions. That was it.

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Philippa Bagley: And people

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Philippa Bagley: people think that that transformation has to be long and drawn out, and I would completely agree that transformation comes from little tiny shifts. But those little tiny shifts can accumulate so quickly

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Philippa Bagley: to to a very fast transformation.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, it's doing simple some simple things that you think

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they're silly, I mean, when I 1st heard about eft

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and hypnotherapy, but mostly eft. I thought it was the silliest thing I could ever imagine, but I did it, anyway, and you know, just tapping on points on your face.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But it works.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I don't know why it works, but it

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: there's lots of science. There's lots of evidence about it there. I have.

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Philippa Bagley: Interesting.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Personal stories about it. And it just like.

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Philippa Bagley: I mean, I I was the business, biggest skeptic of all this stuff in all honesty, because I came from

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Philippa Bagley: just, you know, be in the army. You had to get on with it, you know you're very practical, and and I served in Afghanistan. So you don't really have time for all this emotional stuff, and it sounds a bit woo

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Philippa Bagley: But exactly that. And my, when I did my clinical hypnotherapy training.

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Philippa Bagley: I don't even why I signed up because I was like, I don't really think this works, but but I'll do it anyway.

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Philippa Bagley: And then I understood the science, and I saw it working as like.

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Philippa Bagley: oh, you know, and it's the same with a lot of like eft with an Edmrdm.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I don't know what those are. I know what you're talking about, but I don't know.

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Philippa Bagley: The rapid eye movement. Thingy I can get dresses right. All of these

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Philippa Bagley: have really good foundations in science, but I tell you why I love neuroscience is because that's the science that explains why all these things work.

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Philippa Bagley: It's not psychology. It's necessarily it's often in the neuroscience. And we didn't understand it for very long.

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Philippa Bagley: But now we do, and and I, freaking love it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I do, too. It just.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It helps. People

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: have better lives, and when people have better lives they're happier, and it makes the world better.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They're not.

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Philippa Bagley: Absolutely.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: All about, sitting in their unhappiness and making other people miserable and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: plotting ways to kill each other.

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Philippa Bagley: Perhaps we need. We need more people happy. Let's be honest.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah.

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Philippa Bagley: Remember, if that's.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, for sure. So

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: what do you? How do you help people? I mean in terms of is it groups? Is it individuals? And how would they like come to come to see you?

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Philippa Bagley: So mostly, I do one on one work. I do have a group that I've just started, which is a kind of an online journey, where I drop in once a week to do some mentoring.

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Philippa Bagley: but mostly it's 1 to one, and and going back to what you said to start is, I don't want people to. I don't want to create dependency in people.

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Philippa Bagley: and I don't think we need to create dependency in people. And so

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Philippa Bagley: I'm very rigorous, though, in in checking that person is ready to do the work.

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Philippa Bagley: and if they're not, then they they get turned away, no matter how much money they offer, and and the crucial thing here is is that

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Philippa Bagley: they're doing a lot of the work, you know, and and you'll know this as a coach as a therapist. You're taking them. You're the guide.

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Philippa Bagley: but they have to do the work, and they have to be ready to get vulnerable to do that work, and not everyone's ready to do that straight away.

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Philippa Bagley: But when they call me one on one

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Philippa Bagley: it's mostly online. I do see some in person stuff. But I I kind of don't need to a lot of time. If I have someone with really really deep trauma in the Uk that I can get to. I may go and do an in person session just because of the nature of the trauma. I I feel like I want to be there in person. But I've I've worked with people in Australia, Hawaii, the Us. Canada, Kenya, and all online, all with trauma and and other issues. But

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Philippa Bagley: I can't give you a definitive answer of what the entire journey would look like. It's a bit different for each person.

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Philippa Bagley: but I will always look at 1st of all their sleep patterns

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Philippa Bagley: because you fix sleep and you fix 80% of problems often. But also you know what's been going on. So there's signs of depression if they if they exhibit them in any way. Just so we can understand what's going on there. Any past trauma panic attacks, fears

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Philippa Bagley: and try to understand really what the

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Philippa Bagley: what it is that they think the problem is. And I say it's really important. What they think. The problem is because I'm again. You know this. The problem is never the problem.

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Philippa Bagley: But sometimes the person doesn't understand that straight away, or sometimes they do, and they don't. Wanna don't want to tell you.

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Philippa Bagley: And I had a lady, for example, who came to me with extreme insomnia. She'd not been sleeping for like 60 years. It was that bad? But she came up to me and she went. I think it's the menopause, and it's kind of like. But you've had this for

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Philippa Bagley: pre long time. And we after 3 sessions, we

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Philippa Bagley: basically it came out that she was abused as a child in her bedroom.

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Philippa Bagley: So that was why she couldn't sleep because it never been a safe space, and even just admitting that allowed her to move forward. So.

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Philippa Bagley: But is she again? That wasn't the pro. She didn't want to admit that was a problem.

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Philippa Bagley: And and so there is this piece of understanding what the problem truly is.

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Philippa Bagley: and for some people that comes quickly, since it's more time I had another. I had a client who was an Afghan refugee, actually with us, and I have affinity to Afghanistan having served there. So I I do

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Philippa Bagley: understand some of the trauma that he's experienced.

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Philippa Bagley: And he he had a really bad relationship breakup.

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Philippa Bagley: and he just destroyed. He'd been with this this lovely lady for 5 years.

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Philippa Bagley: He just thought what was the point in life. But then we kind of explored the fact that part of the issue was that he wasn't there when his father died, because his father had sent him away from Afghanistan to escape the war. He couldn't get back. His father then died, and there was this feeling of like abandonment, of of not being good enough. And it all just came out after this relationship breakup.

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Philippa Bagley: And so it it's really important to create the space at the the. The person can

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Philippa Bagley: discover for themselves what it is that's really blocking them and

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Philippa Bagley: just be, be that supportive but gently pushing

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Philippa Bagley: therapist or coach to to help them find it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And often don't you find that just acknowledging what the problem is?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's like half the solution.

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Philippa Bagley: Oh, yeah, yeah. And and validating that, it's okay. That that is the problem.

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Philippa Bagley: you know. And and when we talk about trauma as well, people think that they have to be these big traumatic events, but a trauma could be the memory of you as a child, and your parents not coming to your school play.

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Philippa Bagley: and that creates feelings of of worthlessness, and you don't even realize it. And people looking, you might say, Well, that's not really that traumatic. But but for that child in that moment it absolutely is. Then, of course, as you, as you turn into adulthood, that that memory, that trauma, is led with other stuff, and it grows and grows, and it takes from a whole new life. And I,

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Philippa Bagley: you know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Every.

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Philippa Bagley: Talk.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Every time you remember something you remember it differently. So you actually create a different memory. And

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: unless you have somebody that can guide you towards

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: remembering it in a way that empowers you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: your brain will automatically make it even worse. The next.

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Philippa Bagley: Right, absolutely. But then that's also again, where it's really great, the principles of neuroscience and using things like neurolinguistic programming or clinical hypnotherapy.

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Philippa Bagley: we can rewire those memories so that they no longer affect you. You know we can. And so you tell yourself a new narrative.

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Philippa Bagley: and the narrative is no longer that

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Philippa Bagley: from the eyes of a 7 year old child, but from a 40 year old adult who understands that

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Philippa Bagley: the parents got stuck in traffic and didn't make it, and it was never about their own worth. It was about the fact that that day the traffic was terrible and being okay to go. But it was also okay, as a child to feel abandoned, because that's a big deal so. But but with combining all these modalities.

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Philippa Bagley: people don't have to sit with the trauma, the traumatic memories. We can help them to to write a new story, and they can be the hero of every memory.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And even the people that do have really bad trauma in their lives.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: You can. You can embrace the bad things in a way that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: still empowers you like the woman who was abused when she was a child? Yeah, that was a horrible thing. And there's a lot of shame around stuff.

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Philippa Bagley: Like that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Especially if it was when you were a child, and you didn't know how to to share what was happening, or nobody believed you. That happened a lot.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: That it doesn't have to define you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And often, if you're if you're getting into adulthood and you, you haven't dealt with

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: the trauma of something that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: that bad that really did happen to you, and we're allowed to express it and express your anger over what happened to you, because you know. Oftentimes people just hide it. They're ashamed of it, and they're like.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I, you know, I can't tell anybody about this, because it was obviously my fault. I did something that caused this to happen, which is.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you know, your little kid? No, it's the adults problem,

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and and they have their own problems. You know that led them to that situation. But if you have the tools to be able and the safe space to be able to say, Okay, this is what it was.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How can I?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: How can I embrace it and and let it enhance my life, instead of just

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: ruling everything that I do, and and trying to keep a lid on it.

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Philippa Bagley: Yeah. And that's a really important thing that you brought up there, because

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Philippa Bagley: there's a difference. You can be a victim of something.

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Philippa Bagley: But using that language of being a victim throughout your whole life can hold you back, whereas, if you can go, no, I survived being a victim

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Philippa Bagley: in some situations that's really appropriate. You know, it's it's finding how you empower yourself from the negatives and the lessons to learn in these things. And sometimes the lesson is.

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Philippa Bagley: I can't control everything that happens to me. And that's okay. But I can control me.

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Philippa Bagley: And I choose to

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Philippa Bagley: go out in the world. I choose to write a book I choose to become a coach I choose to heal.

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Philippa Bagley: and I know I've had some. I had a really good conversation with my clients the other day about forgiveness. So another person who'd been abused by their grandfather.

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Philippa Bagley: and she was not able to find forgiveness of of him. But it wasn't

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Philippa Bagley: for him, it was for her

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Philippa Bagley: right. And and it was all about what she needed.

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Philippa Bagley: And and she, as an adult, understood that actually he was also a victim of abuse, and so he'd perpetuated the cycle of all he knew. You know, hurt people, hurt people.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Right.

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Philippa Bagley: But she could have continued on a path

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Philippa Bagley: in a number of directions. If she could have gone down a very dark path

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Philippa Bagley: harming herself. She could have gone on a dark path harming other people, but she chose to find that forgiveness. And now she has written a book. She is still working through some things, but she has.

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Philippa Bagley: you know, in a very short space of time, really

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Philippa Bagley: found her lights, and found the lessons that she can learn from that experience.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Exactly, and that all comes from

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: having the tools in your toolbox to be able to

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: to move forward and past things that are are holding you back.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and that's the beauty of of what you do.

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Philippa Bagley: Thank you, and and you as well so, and other people. But.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like.

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Philippa Bagley: Think.

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Philippa Bagley: Yeah, I think I think the the main thing really is to remember that

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Philippa Bagley: not everything works for everybody. But there are so many things out there

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Philippa Bagley: that whether it's me, whether it's you, whether it's somebody else, there is always someone who can help you on that pathway to to the lights, and you don't have to do it alone, and

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Philippa Bagley: you don't have to sit there and suffer.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: For sure, for sure. I know you have a I hope.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Pedia. I suspect the 4 simple steps to stop negative thoughts. You want to talk about that a little bit.

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Philippa Bagley: Yeah, so this is a really simple exercise. It's based on neuro linguistic fundamentals. But essentially.

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Philippa Bagley: we all, if you ever listen to how you talk to yourself. Sometimes

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Philippa Bagley: sometimes we talk to ourselves in a way that we wouldn't talk to our friends. You know, we can be so negative, so critical, so harsh. So this is just a really simple 4 step exercise to stop

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Philippa Bagley: those negative behaviors, those negative thoughts. And it starts with

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Philippa Bagley: understanding what it is that you're saying to yourself, I'm not good enough. I did everything wrong, and it asks you to really try and find the opposite of that. So

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Philippa Bagley: do you know, we often generalize. The brain loves to generalize, distort, and delete. We like to generalize and go. I did everything wrong and forget that actually, we did one thing wrong that day. But 20 million other things really were right. So it's all about challenging those assumptions. And then, once you have flipped them to the positive.

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Philippa Bagley: just reinforcing it each day until

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Philippa Bagley: you know a habit becomes a habit where you no longer think about it.

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Philippa Bagley: And so, if you keep this practice going at some point, you'll realize

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Philippa Bagley: that you no longer think those thoughts.

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Philippa Bagley: And then you're thinking in a far more positive and and kind and self-loving way.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it's a choice. So people can find that on your website. And you wanna tell them your website.

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Philippa Bagley: Yeah, thank you. And my website is Philippa bagley.com. I'll spell it because I know my name is a bit weird for some people PHIL IPPA BAGL ey.com.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Perfect, and we will put that in the show notes below.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: This has been a very fascinating conversation, Philippa and I really have enjoyed it. What's the one thing you hope the audience takes away from our conversation today?

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Philippa Bagley: I think the one thing is that

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Philippa Bagley: you don't have to sit in pain, and you don't have to go through a long time to change.

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Philippa Bagley: That's 2 things I know. Sorry. But yes, you don't.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: All one.

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Philippa Bagley: Yeah, you can change. You just have to want to. And and there's so many tools out there to help you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And as soon as you want to contact Philippa.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: thanks for joining me.