Editor's this recording was made before the holidays in a time when I was less secure and less confident about my position at the Abacus Lounge.

In more recent days I've started taking a ginseng supplement, a vitamin to help me retain a greater sense of focus.

So I am less concerned, but still concerned, mostly because doctors are expensive and I can't find the right one who will actually agree to give me a diagnosis.

But you'll hear about that more in the moments to come here.

Hello dear listeners, it is I once again, DJ Stark Sage coming to you from Mistress Jackie.

It is a Friday evening and I am just finishing my day, my work day at the Abacus Lounge.

I don't normally work in the office on Fridays, but earlier in the week we had a taste of the winter season to come and I chose to stay home on that day, which was fine with my boss because he says that you don't need to have your days in the office be consecutive, you just need to have two in a work week.

So I would give him the go ahead to stay at home on Tuesday so that I didn't have to play a skating rink with the others and I was just tickled.

Sit back, relax, grab a drink and your favorite snack.

You're in store for the next edition of Surely you jest the day to day life of a modern day Jeff.

So how are you and what have you been up to?

As I mentioned, I'm just finishing my work day and then it is you will the link to the party I'm recording to you from a pair of wireless earbuds.

Yeah, Blue Terror.

I know they've been around forever but again, late to party.

We met and this is mostly a have to see what the audio quality is like although.

Oh, what has been going on?

What's new with you?

Well, I have been all caught up in my deal, if you understand that terminology.

I try to relate to what they're younger folk say and well, you know, it just makes me think about all those TV shows that our parents watched and how people struggle to understand what the younger generation was saying.

So we're coming up on a difficult time of year for a lot of people.

The holidays are around the corner and you know, a lot of us aren't necessarily one to end a lot of time with our extended family on a regular basis.

So of course this is when you are exposed, see the potential for those awkward conversations.

But more importantly for yours truly, what this involves is a revisit, if you will, a trigger.

It was just A year ago that I began a del word viral to an unplanned exit from a position I once held.

I don't really talk about it much, not because there's any sort of pending litigation.

I mean, I wish.

But as I am going through the pages of Life, I'm learning that as those chapters come near to a close, few chapters reveal clues, reveal tips, if you will, who done it kinda.

And well, let's just say that when I was a youngin I was faced with some challenges when it came to the purview.

Yeah, look up that big word of education.

I had difficulties with certain subjects.

Those include math, which so many people have difficulty with.

But for me, the challenge was when we exited subjects of simple basic math and started calculating things that were practically fictional.

I mean, decimal point and percentages.

These were things that in my mind were the reasons that supercomputers were invented.

And I for one did not see the need to wring my brain out like it were, you know, so much as the mop that had cleaned the cafeteria floor because I was not pursuing a career in, you know, higher science, I guess is the best way to say it, but there were some unpleasantries that took place back in those days.

Now certainly we've, a lot of us have lived through a time when people used to say things like, you thought crying or I'll give you something to cry about.

Well, what I'm referring to in this tape has left to do with a smack on the backside as it does with emotional maturity and respect.

And the youngest of four, I proceeded, I trudged through, I, I graduated.

Yep, I did eventually graduate.

I went through the stages of education, the grades after all of my siblings had.

And I had the misfortune of taking a class with a math teacher who was very fond of my one sibling in that they did well in their class.

This sibling of mine was gifted at math and in fact actually at one point pursued a career in mathematics, accounting.

Basically they still work in a world of business.

But as it was, I had the misfortune of following in the footsteps of my siblings to where a certain teacher decided that rather than respect my independence, rather than to encourage me where I may have been struggling when in those days it was the practice of the teacher to ask the students if they wanted their grade read aloud rather than having to turn the paper back to their respective owners, some were given the option of, of saying if they wanted to or not.

But when it came to me, since I was somebody who struggled in that class and because I Had a sibling that excelled.

I wasn't given that choice.

The teacher basically said, dj, you must be pretty proud of this low grade that you got on my test.

And in all honesty, you know, that was akin to a swipe on the backside to me because that made me a object of shame amongst my peers.

And it's not as if I didn't already have a lot on my plate.

You know, I, I had siblings who were all older than me and none of which were still living at home by the time I had left middle school for junior high.

And my parents were older when I was younger born now I, I wasn't adopted by an elderly couple or not like Clark Kent and you know, his folk, nothing like that.

But my mom and dad were both around 40ish when I was born and my father had suffered an injury while working in a factory.

So he was not fully able bodied, mind you, this very selfless man also gave up leaving the house every day and having peace of mind and time to himself.

I guess to see to my upbringing.

Essentially it was too much of an expense to keep two vehicles on the road.

So dad made the decision that he would give up working to take care of kids after a time.

This is after I was born.

So you might imagine the type of treatment I experienced as a child when other kids were talking about things they did with their parents.

Maybe some of my classmates might have been athletically inclined.

I for one wasn't.

I was, you know, in band and in choir.

I liked art and I liked history.

Though I wasn't somebody who was going to be, you know, playing baseball or basketball or anything like that that anybody could brag about.

See my kid out there, you know, they're number 12 or whatever it is.

So I had quite a few classmates that.

Well, maybe not quite a few, but I had plenty of classmates that probably looked down upon me because my father was not the kind of person who would be seen outdoors.

It's not that he didn't like to be bought at, in public, it's nothing like that.

It's just that since he was older and had suffered some difficulties in life, the activities that we enjoyed together tended to be things like going to hardware stores, going to car dealerships.

We used to pass the time when mom would be out on errands or if mom was at work and I was on a break break from school.

We would go about our days test driving cars, or we might go to somewhere that sells RVs, recreational vehicles, campers, and we would take tours.

We would go to places with open houses and take a tour of the house.

My dad was a building contractor at one point, so he knew the ins and outs of building homes.

In fact, there are at least half a dozen houses in this world that owe their existence to my dearly departed father.

So anyways, where I'm getting at is that in just a couple of short months I will be turning another page.

I will be a step closer to my mid century.

And it come to my attention that some of my difficulties while in school may have been related to undiagnosed learning disabilities.

I was never tested for dyslexia.

I was never tested for attention deficit, sort of.

And well, you know, there's a lot that has happened since I was a little one.

In this day and age, people can vaccinate their children for chickenpox.

They don't have to get it.

And that's something that I distinctly remember getting in the year that I repeated first grade.

Now that was due to health issues, but nonetheless, I had chickenpox.

And they say, you know, at a certain age, if you've had chickenpox, you are at risk for the youth, the, the shingle virus.

So, you know, I've got that coming up someday in the future getting a, a vaccination for, for shingles.

So I know I'm complaining about things that are whipped away that are solved by modern medicine.

Not really just making it a point, you know.

So looking back on things, a year ago I had an untimely parting with a job that I had been in for two years.

And what it boiled down to is there was a clerical hero.

I'm not going to say much more than that.

But it turns out that yours truly, at least in more recent years, has realized that they're meeting more.

To me, meet the eye, I might actually be someone who could benefit from medication.

And by that I mean I could have attention deficit disorder.

I have one sibling who's a therapist.

And there are standard forms.

These are things that you can download from the web.

Just like having, you know, teaching exercises for classrooms available on the Internet.

This is not any proprietary resource.

There is a tab called the Connor Chat.

D O N N E R S. If like the, you know, for bruhan only.

I think they spelled their, their name with an O.

But the Connors chat is a quiz that people in therapy circle, some psychologists, psychiatrists, although only one of those two can prescribe you medication.

I'll leave it up to you to figure that one out.

But the Connor's test has a variety of questions and depending upon how you answer them, the person who scores your test will be able to place you on a scale of whether or not you could have attention deficit disorder.

Now, I'm not an authority, so I don't know the difference between ADD and adhd, but to me it's attention deficit.

Anyways, so I took a practice test and it turns out there's a good chance I have attention deficit.

Now, mind you, although, and it's no secret because I've shared with you before, I have been on medication for anxiety and depression.

I have worked in customer service related jobs before for many years and there's just so much a person can take when you work for a large corporation and a big part of your day is sitting on the receiving end of somebody telling you that you're the reason they're having a bad day.

That's just how it works when you're working for a big company.

I eventually got out of that scenario.

I figured out that there were other departments that I could transfer too.

But I spent four years in that role.

And maybe my faith in humanity has been a little tarnished as a result of that.

But I don't relish facing the public on a regular basis, especially earning a paycheck.

I prefer to hide behind the chat room or an email.

Thank you.

But anyway, so ironically, while you can often get medication for anxiety or depression through your good old family doctor, your general practitioner, because there are certifications involved and your insurance may not pay.

Pay for it.

Ooh, shock.

Go figure.

Something that isn't paid for unless it's out of your pocket.

Because, you know, I am not a citizen of a country with a national health care system.

In case we really haven't truly met, I live in the Northeast of the Americas.

Americas.

So yes, insurance doesn't pay for the, you know, the, the gold certificate that says you might need some special medication.

And well, depending on your resources, you might have to familiarize yourself with the needle in the haystack scenario because it wasn't until basically I sort of shamed my doctor.

You see, my doctor is not full mg.

They are a physician's assistant.

Assistant, which basically means they're in medical school but have not yet finished their degree.

So they are, in a sense, apprenticing under a full md.

And so I sent a message, an email if you will, through what they call the patient portal.

Because, you know, in this day and age, every hospital system, every doctor's office has an app or a webpage that they want you to send all of your requests through because patient records are all electronic these days and you know, some of the patient portals are organized purposefully to keep you from being able to ask a question.

They want you to know that their time is worth money.

And if you ask of their time, you better be prepared to pay money as if you didn't already when you lap visited that office in person.

So anyways, I sent a message out to my doctor, but I also included the MD in charge of that practice.

So I basically copied their boss.

And well, lo and behold, some options were presented to me this go around that seriously were not there last year at the time when an unplanned exit was on the agenda, if you catch my drift.

And basically what it boils down to is I was put in touch with a social worker.

The social worker provided me with information on avenues on doctor's offices that I might be able to get in touch with.

Now I'm not going to say the name of the service, but I ended up going through one of those online services that you can schedule a video appointment with.

You know, they, they call those telehealth day.

And anyways, some of those online therapy sites do a sort of a credential check, if you will.

They see if they can bill your insurance because you know, every com.

Dick and Harry out there that comes up to the webpage isn't necessarily going to be able to make good on a debt.

So rather than PayPal or Discover card, they want to make sure they can bill your insurance.

Because if anybody knows how to get a hold of you and you know, grab you by the short and curlies, sorry, it's your insurance company.

So yeah, I, I got an appointment to speak with somebody who may be qualified to make a legal diagnosis, a medical diagnosis.

Although I will say that I was mistaken at first because the person I thought out was merely the first available person for an appointment.

They were thoroughly the person with the highest credential.

And after that meeting I learned that this person was reluctant.

Well, I should say it wasn't after the meeting, it was during the meeting as it came to an end.

But this person, possibly due to their lack of an even higher level of credential, the person was not a doctor, they were a nurse practitioner, which means they're technically allowed in some states to prescribe medication.

But this person was reluctant to provide a diagnosis.

So a waste of my time.

And I ended up going back through the channel the resources to make another appointment.

However, since I was not a regular patient with this operation, they're used to.

It's their standard operating practice to sort of give away disposable codes if you will.

You get a one time access to their portal and if you should have the misfortune of returning too soon, you had best make sure that you call their help desk because my information was deleted from their system.

Even though I had an email confirming my next appointment when I went to go log in for that appointment with a full psychiatrist, somebody who was fully qualified.

Those of you who are fans of British comedy, in particular Little Britain, you'll understand the sentiment.

Computer says no, that's right.

I tried to log in and the system basically said I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

And well, while the kindly person that worked for that provider is the technical word given to, you know, a doctor's office, while the kind person that worked for that provider, not the help desk mind you, the actual office that was to my care while they called me me as I was on the line with the shall I say clunky who answered the phone.

The person at the doctor's office is kind enough and probably had experience enough with the scenario to quickly rebuild my profile in the system and get my shirt re established.

But in the meantime enough time had passed that the dear doctor was due on another appointment so I had to reschedule.

I am tempted to name the service but in the end it's going to be through them that I get my diagnosis.

Or at least I, I'm hopeful because I uploaded that copy of the practice quiz that my sibling provided me with and in the notes of my recent check in with my doctor for any of you who have medication that needs to be assessed at least every few months or possibly a couple of times a year because you know our, our medical practitioners have ethical responsibilities to make sure that your medication is performing at its best.

Meeting your needs doesn't need adjusting and that, you know, you, you have.

I used the question you haven't fallen off the wagon.

So I had one of those check ins with my doctor and in the note of the visit afterward it was admitted that I had provided a copy of my Connors test and this doctor was physician's assistant who said that they are not qualified to make an adult ADHD diagnosis indicated in the visit notes that the cap revealed a positive result for adhd.

Though I'll leave it up to you to figure out, you know where that the, the old game of shoot from ladders.

But all in all I'm, I'm actually kind of happy.

I mean you know, they fay that if you don't laugh, you cry.

In some life scenarios, I'm happy because my doctor is changing my medication.

I have been concerned for quite some time now that I have had difficulty losing weight.

And that is one of the common side effects of some anxiety and or depression medication.

And with the bumper of the year that I had the tattoo with having to start over in the workforce and also having a, you know, a major surgery called procedure done, AKA fema, retinal detachment journey, I'm just happy that my doctor is going to be changing my medicine and the alternative is going to allow me a better chance to lose weight.

And this is all on the heel of the holiday.

So while there may be some hesitation there to see, you know, how well I will be able to handle the stress of the holidays, I think beyond they're pretty good all farewell because, you know, while I'm on the soapbox of mental health, you know, because it's been forever ago since we thought it was okay to, you know, put our loved ones in the basement or attic away from company if they should not be the perfect specimen of normal faith.

My father realized late in life by that I mean he passed away at 62.

So for him, late life was the last few years before his untimely passing.

But he learned late in life that he could benefit from anxiety and or depression medication, which should have been no surprise to him because it was well known that his own mother had experiences with the matter.

Let's just say all in all, the apple does not fall far from the tree.

And it's a good idea to pay attention to your family's conversations because you might learn something about, you know, this uncle or grandmother might have had, I don't know, leukemia or something.

Those family histories, those are important.

Important because that means you are predisposed.

It means that there is a chance that that could happen to you because you're from the same blood, you have the same makeup in your DNA.

It's like having a mathematical equation.

The odds are in favor of an outcome.

So pay attention in the school of life.

Well, I am most of the way home and I didn't mean for that rant to be mostly about mental health, but maybe it's the good things.

But again, the holidays are going to be upon us before we can even blink.

And if nothing else, it's a good time to reflect.

It's a good time to take the temperature of your mental health and decide for yourself, do I need to be taking more time for myself?

Maybe do I need to plan to take a bubble bath every week after I come home from work on Friday?

Or, you know, maybe I need to plan to spend more time with friends on the weekend.

Maybe you should explore a hobby that you've had an interest in and haven't had the time to do it.

When things get stale in your life, it's important to keep things interesting.

You know, it's like leaving a picture a fogo too close to a window that gets a lot of sunlight.

It it's eventually going to fade the picture unless you've got the kind of glass that protects it.

So switch things up now and then.

Put that picture in a different part of the room.

Don't let it get faded from the sun.

Do the same with your life.

See what makes you happy and consider making changes.

If you're not happy, life is too short for you to sit and stew and simply try to make do.

Because while you are simply settling for what causes the least commotion, there are those who care about you in your own life who are upset to see you unhappy.

And if nothing else, you should care enough about those who care about you to wonder why it is they're so concerned that you're not happy.

You get what I mean?

It's a circle.

Circle of liebs.

If you can't pay enough attention to your own life to understand that something needs to change, then maybe those who surround you are an indication enough that change should happen.

I know from experience spoke.

I don't talk about my years before hubby that often, but I was in a relationship with somebody for much longer than I should have been.

And the main indicator that the time had come for us to part was when our friends didn't like each other.

In other words, my friends didn't like my partner at the time.

And the same for him.

He couldn't stand some of my friends.

Ironically, some of the friends that he couldn't stand the most were the ones who were trying to inspire me to be more independent.

So I think you understand what I'm saying.

Our friends are a good barometer of the things that might encourage the best things for us.

And sometimes we just don't have enough courage to make those changes on our own.

But that's okay.

That's why they're friends.

If they're close enough, they'll help you through those periods.

Period.

I had friends who, when I left my ex, helped me move.

They actually came and helped me take my belongings to my new place.

And they were happy for me.

So that's that's the end of my Friday rant.

What is new?

What's coming up?

Well, that other show I do about film and television trivia, matinee Minutia.

We have just released our third episode, or it should be out by the time you Hear this, our third episode of our seventh season, no, eighth season, season eight.

And in it we discuss a 90s drama.

It's actually a remake of a 1937 film about a working class woman who was a single parent to a remarkable young girl.

And, well, the film focuses on the life's choices that she makes for the better of her child.

This is a movie with Bette Midler and John Goodman as well as some cameos.

Eileen Brennan makes an appearance and.

One of my favorites is in it, Ms. Mara Mason, who years ago we discussed a film she was in, Max Dugan Returns with Jason Robarts.

So, yeah, go ahead and look for Matinee Minutia and enjoy our latest discussion of the 1990 film Della.

Alrighty, folk, as usual.

You can email me dj starpagemail.com and you could follow me over there on Bluesky at DJ Starpage.

That is all for now.

This is from Carriage.