Say you know, what you're about ready to say isn't cause damage for both parties.

Say it's gonna cause damage to both parties, yourself and the other person.

It depends on you not speaking upon it.

What if you don't go home and start questioning yourself?

What if you actually truthfully gave it to the universe or the Omniverse and say, hey, you deal with this situation.

It's out of my hands now.

All right, rafiki.

Now let me reverse that.

How many people don't say today, homeboy?

Their home girl, hey, you need to stop drinking.

Hey, you need to stop doing that.

You know what I'm saying?

Because why they want to still be cool with that, homeboy?

But then.

But.

And they sitting up there watching that person dig themselves for early grave.

But.

But.

So here's my question, all right?

Would that be a true friend?

What?

By not saying nothing?

Hey,

because, I mean, I. I don't know what type of folks out there that.

That I'm sure it is, but the relationship me and my homies got.

Whatever it is, tell me.

What.

What.

Whatever it is.

Yes, but mentally, but.

But mental.

You know, people like.

Yes.

Yes.

People around them.

And.

And that's not healthy for anybody in that circle.

Nobody in that circle is.

Is.

Is.

Is in a healthy spot by trying to be a people pleaser or.

Well, okay, okay, let me.

Let me.

Let me throw this back at you, Mitchell, since you brought.

Brought that.

That aspect up.

What if that person is in a state?

They're in a manic state.

That's the reason why they're drinking.

They're in that manic state now, right?

You can't talk to somebody truthfully when they're drunk due to the simple fact that they're gonna rage because they're in that manic state already, but they're 10 times worse because they're drinking.

So you don't want to really talk to them then, right?

So you got to wait.

The timing has to be correct in order for it to get to full effect.

So if I see someone that's in a manic state and they're drinking because they're in that manic state state, it should have caused harm to me and them.

I have to wait until I catch them sober and tell them, listen, I'd rather you not drink when you're in such a.

Such state of mind.

Don't drink while you're doing that, because if you're doing that, you're gonna cause damage to yourself in this relationship.

So there is other aspects about.

I Gotta play a Paul.

I gotta hear the devil's advocate.

What if this drunk friend, while you're waiting on them to sober up, they leave from wherever you guys are at in their car and kill somebody?

Hey, can I add something too to that?

Mental?

Go ahead.

Hey, rafiki, while you waiting on that person to sober up, are they.

Is that person stepping on my time boundary?

I mean.

I mean, we could go.

Go different directions with this all night.

Yeah, I know.

That's why.

That's why I threw that.

That's why I threw that out there just to add wood.

Mental, Because I ain't think about it until he said waiting on that friend.

And when you wait on something, that takes time.

Right?

You're right.

And I remember.

And I remember from your list boundary around your time.

Right, right.

Understand.

So now when you talk to them later, waiting on them to stole up.

Now they got two ass whoopings.

I'm just saying most people will.

Will want to wait.

Not.

Not me.

Not.

Not me and my homies.

You do have some that will go hit it head on and not worry about the consequences as far as the lash back.

And if they lose the friendship because they're telling them the truth, you do have people like that that would just say, hey, look, I'm taking your damn keys.

Your car is coming home with me.

If you want to ride with me, you could ride with me.

But no, you've.

You're cut out for tonight.

I gotta.

Now, now, I'm.

I'm about to throw a boomerang question at y'.

All.

Now, we.

This whole time we've been talking to people about boundaries, setting healthy boundaries and all of that, right?

See, I haven't even gotten into techniques yet.

I mean, I got one.

That's.

I got one.

I hope you ain't.

No, no, I'm.

Here's the question.

Do you.

Is there an example when someone should step over somebody's boundaries?

Basically, that's.

That's what I was saying when I was talking about the.

The person that's in a manic state and they're drinking on top of it, making it worse.

That would be one in my eyes anyway.

All right, how about you, mentor?

You thinking.

No, can't think of one.

All right, simple answer.

When.

When that boundary they have is unhealthy.

Now, what if I told you, Rafiki, I step over boundaries all the time?

Oh, you probably do.

And.

And.

And people.

People pay me to do it.

Can you tell.

Do you know when I step over boundaries, when I say I step over boundaries all the time.

You do readings?

Yes.

Well, I was about to say the same thing, but here's the thing about it is.

Wait, wait.

Gave you permission, though.

Yes, but, but how do you think I do it though?

Why do you think I have to do it in a reading?

Due to the simple fact that you're pulling up stuff that they may not want brought up, but you got to bring it up so they see the evidence, the evidential side up.

And so, and so I might bring up something that somebody really don't want to talk about or really want to go there, but I got to push, push past that boundary.

And for them, if we really want to get to the healing moment.

Exactly.

So yeah, that was an example of, you know, somebody has a.

Hey, I don't, I don't want you to talk about that because I'm fearful of that aspect.

Hey, I don't want you to talk about that because I'm in denial of that.

Right?

Hey, but then, hey, I'm talking about this with you because it ain't about you.

It's about my karma.

And if I don't tell you

right,

you know, that would go back to having.

Yes, meant what you were talking about.

Mental.

Hey, if something you ain't, somebody ain't your friend if they can't tell you the hard stuff.

So with that being said, Rafiki, back to you.

So when we're getting into these techniques, the reason why techniques are important because it helps create a clear guideline, rules and limits on how you would like to be treated.

One is visualizing and then name your limits.

Another one is openly communicate your boundaries.

Another one is as in, as in

you got to tell somebody, hey, I don't like this, this, this, this, and this.

Right?

All right, go ahead.

And.

And another one is once you openly communicate them, hold up to your boundaries.

As in, hey, as in go, go ahead.

As in don't be afraid to say no.

Yeah.

So hey, when this person, when this person, you lay out the boundaries and this person step, you supposed to look at him, say, hey, didn't I tell you I ain't like that.

Right?

You're supposed to tell them now.

Now do you, do you like baseball, Rafiki?

Not really.

Oh, all right, so you.

But I follow it.

But I'll follow it.

Do you follow the 1, 2, 3 strikes you out rule or you give how many strikes you usually like to should.

How many strikes does somebody give somebody of.

Of boundary stepping?

I would say at least three.

How about you, man?

At least three for Me once, shame fool me twice, shame on me Ain't no third, not to me.

So you won a one and done.

I set the boundaries and I tell you hey.

And you step it again.

You already knew.

So I guess.

I guess I give him three.

I guess I give them three.

All right.

I guess basically that, you know,

I guess three would be safe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because, you know, maybe they did forget the first one.

So the second one is just a friendly reminder, you know.

Okay, so.

So here's a question to both of y' all or whoever wants to answer.

What if somebody's at chance number nine?

No, we wouldn't have gotten.

We wouldn't have got that far.

I ain't saying you.

I ain't saying y', all, too.

I'm saying, what do you think about that person?

That person.

Who.

Who?

That person.

Wait, hold on.

What do you think about that person who allows someone to get to number nine?

They need to stand up for themselves.

How about you, Rafiki?

I was one of those people.

So I can talk about this.

That's right.

I was one of those people.

Now it's a.

It's three strikes and you're out.

But prior to me getting up to that, leading up to that, I used to be that person that would give them chance after chance after chance after chance due to the simple fact that I was at People Please.

I do have a question after that, but I know we're trying to.

We're gonna.

Why it.

I just ask Rafiki.