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Have you ever had a day recently where
you felt really tense and wound up?

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Well, I've had several of those recently.

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We've had A level results.

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We've moved house.

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I had to get flight to the airport going
around the M25, that was stressful.

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Was there gonna be a traffic jam or not?

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And I'm sure you know how that feels.

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And what about the even
more difficult stuff?

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Waiting to hear if
you've got a job or not.

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Funding applications, outcomes
of patient complaints.

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Maybe you've given feedback to a colleague
and you're not quite sure how it's landed,

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or if you're a parent, maybe one of your
children is having a difficult time at

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school and every day when they come home,
you are not sure how it will have gone.

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Now, nothing's actually happened
yet, but your shoulders are up by

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your ears and your stomach's just in
knots and you can't think straight.

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While I was away on holiday
this year, I read an amazing

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book called The Awakened Brain.

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It's by Lisa Miller.

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She's a psychologist who was looking
at spirituality in the brain.

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Now, one of the chapters really caught me
because she was talking about when they

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put people through an MRI scanner to see
which bits of their brain particularly

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lit up when it came to stress.

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Because they had found that there were
certain bits of the brain which were

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activated when somebody was really worried
or anxious or even depressed, and they

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seemed to be counteracted by the bits
of the brain that lit up when there

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was some sort of spiritual connection.

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That was fascinating in itself, but
the bit that really fascinated me was

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the way that they got people to feel
stressed and anxious in the MRI scanner

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was they asked them to tell their stress
story, so they, they wanted them to

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tell the stories about experiences that
made them feel really, really stressed.

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And the thing that she noticed about
these stress stories were that the

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vast majority involved uncertainty.

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They involved a decision or something that
had happened to them where they had to

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wait, where they did not know the outcome,
and that for them seemed to be much,

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much more stressful then a bad thing that
had happened to them where they knew the

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outcome, they knew what had happened, and
they could just get on and cope with it.

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Because when we are uncertain about
something, where when it could be a

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good outcome or a bad outcome, nothing's
actually happened, but you're telling

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yourself so many stories about what
might happen about who might be angry,

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what dreadful outcome will there be.

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And if we're those frogs sitting
in our pan of water, it's a bit

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like swimming around in cloudy
water in your pan or in your pond.

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You don't know what's on the bottom.

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So we tell ourselves it's
uncertainty that's stressful.

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But it's not the cloudy water
that's hurting us, it's the fact

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that we can't see through it.

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This is a You Are Not a Frog quick dip,
a tiny taster of the kinds of things we

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talk about on our full podcast episodes.

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I've chosen today's topic to give
you a helpful boost in the time it

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takes to have a cup of tea so you
can return to whatever else you're

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up to feeling energized and inspired.

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For more tools, tips, and insights
to help you thrive at work, don't

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forget to subscribe to You Are Not a
Frog wherever you get your podcasts.

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When I was on holiday a few years ago
in Portugal, I was having a lovely time

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in the waves and surfing until I saw
a fin and I thought it was a shark.

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And at that point I was completely
unable to go into the water.

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What I'd once seemed amazing now seemed
totally perilous, even though I had

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no idea if there was a shark or not.

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So it's the way that we respond, the way
that we really thrash around and cause

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extra problems for ourselves, which is
on top of the situation that's already

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happening, because our brains, they find
it very difficult not knowing the outcome.

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So what they do, they fill in the
blanks with the worst case scenarios.

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And before we realize it, we're
not just living in the moment.

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We are pre reliving disasters.

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That may never happen.

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One of my favorite quotes,
it's a quote from Mark Twain.

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He said, I'm an old man.

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I've known many troubles.

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Most of them haven't happened.

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So in today's quick tip, we're gonna
dive into this cloudy water and think

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about just why uncertainty fries
our brains, why doctors, people in

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high stress, high stakes jobs like
healthcare feel it so keenly, and how

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to deal with it, how to get the water
clear enough to see your next step.

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Because in healthcare we live in a world
that just worships certainty, doesn't it?

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And certainly as a GP, I was trained
to diagnose the problem, be really

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certain about it, predict what
might happen, and then fix it.

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And more to the point I had to be
right, or when I wasn't, I felt

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very embarrassed and stupid, really.

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So when we are in that cloudy water, it
doesn't just feel uncomfortable, it feels

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wrong, and we feel that we are at fault.

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And as doctors, as senior healthcare
professionals, we have these amazing

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traits that help us practice well.

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But when it comes to uncertainty,
they can make it feel a lot worse.

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And I always talk about these traits,
which are our Kryptonite to us.

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Firstly, we have over responsibility.

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We think, well, if I don't
fix this, who's going to?

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But actually, what is it I need to fix?

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So we can't fix it, that
makes us feel dreadful.

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We are quite perfectionistic.

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We think, well, if I get it
wrong, someone's gonna get hurt.

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But we don't know how to get it right
because nobody knows how to get it right.

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It's uncertain.

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How can I get it right when I
don't know what's gonna happen?

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We have this idea that we are
superheroes, that everyone's relying

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on me, and yet I don't know what to do.

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We are terrified of making
mistakes, aren't we?

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We want to be right, and so we think
that, well, if I'm unsure about what to do

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next, then I must be failing in some way.

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even if nobody else knows what to do.

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And yes, we are brilliant at problem
solving, but when it's a problem that

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nobody can solve, we blame ourselves.

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We say, well, if I don't know
this, I'm probably incompetent.

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And these are great traits for saving
lives in an emergency where the next step

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is really, really clear, but it's really
toxic when there are no nice guidelines

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for what's going on right in front of you.

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And of course, the system that we work in,
it just doesn't help in high stake jobs,

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you are often held responsible for things
that are completely outside your zone of

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power, they're outside of your control.

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Things like staffing, waiting
times, funding, policy.

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And so when uncertainty hits, it can
feel dangerous, not just uncomfortable

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because you're telling yourself,
if this goes wrong, I'm gonna be

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blamed, I'm going to be for it,

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And that is the reality
for many, many people.

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They are often held responsible for
things they're not in control of.

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And that shouldn't be the case.

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But  you can argue with reality,
but a hundred percent of the

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time, reality is gonna win.

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So even if someone else says you
should be responsible for it, if you're

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not in control of it, you can't be.

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So pausing and waiting in uncertainty
just feels like you're drowning,

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'cause it feels really personal.

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And we don't just experience
it as uncertainty.

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We internalize the system problems,
we turn them into self blame.

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So it's this thing about
taking that double arrow.

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There's the situation that's
going on, and also the stuff that

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we are layering on top of it.

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You know, why don't I know what to do?

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I must be in the wrong for being
in this position of uncertainty.

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Everyone else is gonna blame me.

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No wonder we get stressed in uncertainty.

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But here's what's going on.

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The amygdala, which is your threat
detector, that ancient emotional bit

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of your brain that sounds the alarm,
that was built to detect lions,

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not to detect difficult emails.

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Our brains have not adapted very well.

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And the amygdala wants to keep you
safe but not happy, so it decides to

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see everything as a potential threat.

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It will always tell you the negative
story, so it will always tell you

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that the outcome from that complaint
is gonna be really awful, that

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if someone's late home from work,
they've been in a dreadful accident,

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that the worst is going to happen.

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So your amygdala will panic
and it will tell you that there

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are monsters under the surface.

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There are really bad things
just waiting to happen.

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In fact, I experienced this recently.

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I've just done a house move.

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I've had some time off work, and there
was this little nagging feeling the whole

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time that perhaps something was gonna go
wrong, that because I wasn't checking my

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emails all the time, that there was gonna
be this massive disaster about to happen.

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I was constantly scanning for threats.

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And of course nothing did go wrong.

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It was all totally fine, but it was
my amygdala instead of doing its job.

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And if it doesn't find anything to
latch onto, it will find something else.

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I'm sure you've experienced that.

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I remember when I was an SHO being
away on holiday and just before I went,

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I received a complaint about the way
I had spoken to a GP on the phone.

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And I'd been really sleep deprived.

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I think I'd argued with them about
where this patient should go, and

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this GP had written a really stinky
complaint about me to the consultant.

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Now in actual fact, there'd
been no harm to the patient.

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Everything had been fine, but the
whole of that holiday, I worried.

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I pre-live stuff that
hadn't even happened.

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I absolutely fixated on what was gonna
happen to me when I got back to work.

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In actual fact, I got back to work.

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The consultant had a quick word
with me and said, Hey, next

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time just be a bit less bolshy.

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That was it.

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He'd actually totally
sorted out while I was away.

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But when our amygdala makes us tell
ourselves stories, we can't actually

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separate what's real from the
stories that we're telling ourselves.

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And then that puts us into
our sympathetic nervous zones.

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We pump out adrenaline and we're
convinced that catastrophe is coming.

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So no wonder we can't sleep.

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And when we finally do find out what's
happening, it's very rarely as bad as

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a story we've been telling ourselves.

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Now side note, the Morris rule of
worrying, I tell my friends this all the

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time, is there's no point worrying because
the stuff you worry about never happens.

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The stuff you don't worry about,
that does often happen, but you

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can't change that by worrying.

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So let's just try and stop worrying.

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It's really important to recognize
that when you are telling yourself

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these scary stories, that is normal.

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Amygdala loves a scary story and
that has kept us safe all our lives.

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But if you name it, you can start
to step away from those thoughts.

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You can start to see that
they are just thoughts.

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They are not the truth.

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You could say to yourself,
this is uncertainty.

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It's not danger.

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You know, it can be a bit of a warning.

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You could say, I need to be careful, the
water's getting a bit cloudy, but it's

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very unlikely that there are sharks.

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And the thing about all this
pre reliving of stuff is that

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actually right now I'm safe.

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Right now I have a job.

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Right now, in this moment,
nothing is going wrong.

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I'm warm, I'm dry.

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I've had enough food.

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I'm okay.

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I'm sitting.

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I'm breathing.

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There is no line.

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There's no physical threat.

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I'm not literally standing
in front of a judge.

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I don't have a redundancy
letter in front of me.

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So in the present, I am safe.

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And you can try a grounding exercise.

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Just put your feet on the floor,
take some deep breaths and

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just be in the present moment.

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One helpful thing would be to notice
five things that you can see, two that

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you can hear, one that you can feel.

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Just exhaling longer than you inhale, can
move you back into your parasympathetic.

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So you need to manage yourself
and then manage what happens next.

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So yes, there is uncertainty,
but it's over there.

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You are in reality right now, and there
will be something that you can do.

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You can ask yourself, what do I know?

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What am I in control of right now?

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What is certain?

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What is in my gift to do right now?

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What's the next best step?

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And so even one tiny action, one tiny
hop, replying to one email, getting

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yourself in the right state of mind
before the meeting, that just helps

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them with the cloudiness settle

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here's the thing about uncertainty,
certainty does not equal competence.

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And the real mark of maturity
in mastery is the ability

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to calm even in uncertainty.

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I remember when I was a very
new GP, I really wanted some

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clarity about my patients.

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I wanted to know exactly
what was gonna happen.

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But as I got more experience, I learned
to hold some of those gray areas to

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watch and wait and see and not be
right all the time, and tell patients

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that I didn't always have the answer.

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So perhaps our goal needs to be,
not to remove the uncertainty, but

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actually to develop the muscles.

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Just sit with it without panicking.

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Because of course we can't
eliminate uncertainty.

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Actually, that would make
life really, really boring.

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But we can change how we deal with it.

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And actually, your job isn't
to get rid of all uncertainty.

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It's to stay steady enough to make
some wise moves while the water clears.

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And that is leadership.

241
00:12:31,845 --> 00:12:33,735
It's not about having all the answers.

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00:12:34,035 --> 00:12:38,595
Often it's about staying calm for
other people, they might be flailing

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00:12:38,595 --> 00:12:40,095
around and really panicking.

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00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:44,382
And the good news is that working
in healthcare, if you are a senior

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00:12:44,382 --> 00:12:49,242
clinician, you are already an expert
at managing uncertainty for patients.

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00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:51,642
So, because every day you
probably say, well, we don't know

247
00:12:51,642 --> 00:12:53,262
yet, but here's what we'll do.

248
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And if this gets worse, we'll do this.

249
00:12:55,512 --> 00:12:57,762
If it's gets better, we'll do this.

250
00:12:58,062 --> 00:12:59,982
It's called safety netting, isn't it?

251
00:13:00,432 --> 00:13:02,142
You set review dates.

252
00:13:02,442 --> 00:13:06,582
You don't lie to people and give
them false hope, but you also admit

253
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that you don't know everything.

254
00:13:08,432 --> 00:13:12,452
I remember distinctly a, a patient
coming in while I was a medical SHO.

255
00:13:12,806 --> 00:13:16,256
He was really young, a couple of weeks
before he'd been fitting well, but it

256
00:13:16,256 --> 00:13:18,146
looked like he had metastatic lung cancer.

257
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The X-ray looked awful, and I
distinctly remember my registrar saying.

258
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,637
We are not gonna break bad news
to him, we're gonna tell him

259
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,677
we don't quite know what it is.

260
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,950
And I remember saying, well, shouldn't we
be sort of saying to him, oh, it really,

261
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really doesn't look good and all that?

262
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He said, well, we can give him some
warning shots, but we still don't know.

263
00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:37,584
And actually a day later, I can't
remember what the diagnosis was,

264
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but it wasn't metastatic cancer.

265
00:13:38,959 --> 00:13:41,674
It was something inflammatory,
and he got totally better.

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So as we get more experience, we learn
how to live with the fact that yeah,

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things might go and be awful, but
actually they might be okay, and not to

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go too far down the route of either one.

269
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So as doctors we can do
that for other people.

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We do that for our team, but we need to
learn to do it for ourselves, don't we?

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And one thing you can say to
yourself is, well, I don't know yet.

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That patient we didn't know
yet, and that wasn't a failure,

273
00:14:10,864 --> 00:14:12,424
we just needed more data.

274
00:14:12,424 --> 00:14:15,874
A bit like wifi buffering, you know,
you're looking something up and the

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WiFi's buffering, the data's just loading.

276
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We don't know yet.

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00:14:21,634 --> 00:14:25,024
It doesn't mean it's bad, it just
means we don't have enough data.

278
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So why am I talking about this now?

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00:14:26,634 --> 00:14:31,494
Well, recently I did a talk with a
bunch of very senior clinical leaders

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00:14:31,794 --> 00:14:35,664
and I asked them what was stopping them
giving their best at work right now?

281
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,138
Now I've been used to people
saying, oh, it's workload.

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It's workload.

283
00:14:38,858 --> 00:14:40,448
We can't recruit people, it's workload.

284
00:14:40,448 --> 00:14:44,408
But this time they said, actually,
yeah, workload is bad, but it's

285
00:14:44,408 --> 00:14:49,178
the fact that the ICB doing a total
reorganization, and our teams do

286
00:14:49,178 --> 00:14:50,468
not know if they're coming or going.

287
00:14:50,468 --> 00:14:53,498
They don't know if they're gonna
have a job next month or not.

288
00:14:53,498 --> 00:14:56,468
It's almost impossible
to operate at the moment.

289
00:14:56,468 --> 00:14:59,828
It's so uncertain, and it was
causing them a lot of stress

290
00:14:59,828 --> 00:15:01,358
in their teams a lot of stress.

291
00:15:01,681 --> 00:15:05,401
And many teams are like that at the
moment, waiting on funding decisions,

292
00:15:05,401 --> 00:15:08,311
reorganization, posting under review.

293
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:12,905
And part of what makes it so stressful
is that everybody secretly feels

294
00:15:12,905 --> 00:15:17,015
responsible and accountable for
outcomes which they can't control.

295
00:15:17,015 --> 00:15:21,335
And the leaders were just feeling
awful in this team for their teammates,

296
00:15:21,365 --> 00:15:23,525
even though it wasn't their fault.

297
00:15:23,916 --> 00:15:28,536
And they were also waiting to see if, if
their jobs would still exist or they'd

298
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,426
be doing the same thing next week.

299
00:15:30,726 --> 00:15:34,146
But we feel that we might be blamed
for bad news that we didn't cause.

300
00:15:34,206 --> 00:15:37,386
And clinicians particularly worried
that they're gonna be criticized for

301
00:15:37,386 --> 00:15:39,306
delays that they couldn't prevent.

302
00:15:39,576 --> 00:15:44,553
And so this waiting actually becomes
loaded with shame, thinking, well, I'm

303
00:15:44,553 --> 00:15:50,543
not good enough, even though in our
heads we know that it's out of our hands.

304
00:15:50,543 --> 00:15:53,633
We can't do anything about it,
we still feel guilty and we

305
00:15:53,633 --> 00:15:55,253
still feel some shame around it.

306
00:15:55,553 --> 00:16:00,383
That's why naming the uncertainty out
loud matters so much to you and the team.

307
00:16:00,653 --> 00:16:05,483
It gives everybody permission to stop
pretending that they are in control

308
00:16:05,783 --> 00:16:07,523
or that their leader is in control.

309
00:16:07,976 --> 00:16:10,826
So if you're a leader, just saying
it straight, here's what we know.

310
00:16:10,998 --> 00:16:16,158
Here's what we don't know, and we'll
next have an update here and even say,

311
00:16:16,158 --> 00:16:20,058
well, let's review it at this point,
or let's review this in three months.

312
00:16:20,058 --> 00:16:23,748
You give the amygdala calendar
and you can worry about it then.

313
00:16:24,048 --> 00:16:28,518
It's about not rescuing people, but just
being solid, being the anchor for them.

314
00:16:28,818 --> 00:16:32,538
And remember to listen to people's
concerns without trying to fix it, 'cause

315
00:16:32,538 --> 00:16:37,218
you can't rescue people in this situation,
even though every bone in your body wants

316
00:16:37,218 --> 00:16:41,898
to, you'll end up just overpromising
making promises that you can't keep.

317
00:16:42,327 --> 00:16:45,507
But share your thinking with
your colleagues and ask for help.

318
00:16:45,807 --> 00:16:49,947
And if it's you feeling the
uncertainty yourself, so check reality.

319
00:16:49,947 --> 00:16:51,927
Say what is true today.

320
00:16:52,227 --> 00:16:53,967
Make sure you stay in your zone of power.

321
00:16:54,117 --> 00:16:55,377
What am I in control of?

322
00:16:55,377 --> 00:16:57,927
What do I have to accept
that's outta my control?

323
00:16:58,257 --> 00:16:59,767
And then just park the rest.

324
00:17:00,701 --> 00:17:04,301
Say I'll review that next week
or in two months time, but stop

325
00:17:04,301 --> 00:17:06,521
going over and over it daily.

326
00:17:07,144 --> 00:17:12,554
And I like to use this question,
which is, what is the next right move?

327
00:17:13,154 --> 00:17:15,794
Not every single move,
just the next right one.

328
00:17:16,094 --> 00:17:19,514
Now, 99% of the time when things
are uncertain, we are predicting

329
00:17:19,514 --> 00:17:23,079
bad outcomes, but we all know that
sometimes things are actually better.

330
00:17:23,379 --> 00:17:26,769
That decision that we didn't like,
it's actually done a lot of good.

331
00:17:27,069 --> 00:17:30,427
That team restructure, well it
actually made a lot of sense and things

332
00:17:30,427 --> 00:17:31,717
are working out a lot better now.

333
00:17:32,035 --> 00:17:36,810
So sometimes this uncertainty
leads to much, much better things.

334
00:17:37,110 --> 00:17:39,750
You know, there's times where I didn't
get a job but actually freed me up to do

335
00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:43,800
something else, or a colleague has gone
but actually got somebody even better.

336
00:17:44,751 --> 00:17:47,500
And there's so many times in my
life when I was really upset about

337
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,410
something and I didn't get into the
particular university that I wanted

338
00:17:50,410 --> 00:17:52,510
to go to, but thank goodness for that.

339
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,960
I met my husband and all my friends
at at Nottingham where I went.

340
00:17:56,260 --> 00:18:00,730
And as Daniel Pink talks about in his
fantastic book, The Power of Regret, there

341
00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:05,380
aren't many things that he would actually
remove from your life without having to

342
00:18:05,380 --> 00:18:07,135
remove everything else that's happened.

343
00:18:07,595 --> 00:18:11,525
I'm not talking about absolute dreadful
things that happen to people, but quite

344
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:16,655
often things that we see as very negative
in the long run turn out to be okay.

345
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:19,781
So uncertainty isn't
necessarily the villain.

346
00:18:19,781 --> 00:18:24,101
It might just be the sort of transition
between two different things.

347
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,921
And you've survived everything so far.

348
00:18:27,401 --> 00:18:30,311
You don't need complete certainty to move.

349
00:18:30,311 --> 00:18:35,691
You just need to know which direction
to go in and getting more certain,

350
00:18:36,201 --> 00:18:40,791
well, that comes from actually
taking action, not from waiting.

351
00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:46,108
So often we put off decisions because
we are uncertain and we're unclear.

352
00:18:46,528 --> 00:18:50,908
And absolutely there are times where
it would be absolutely daft to go

353
00:18:50,908 --> 00:18:54,658
ahead with that decision, particularly
when it's got huge consequences.

354
00:18:54,928 --> 00:18:57,358
Now, those of you that have seen
the Indiana Jones films, there's.

355
00:18:57,708 --> 00:19:01,188
Very, very famous bit where
he takes the step of faith.

356
00:19:01,188 --> 00:19:04,248
He basically steps out into
this massive chasm, and as he

357
00:19:04,248 --> 00:19:06,978
steps, the path reveals itself.

358
00:19:06,978 --> 00:19:11,058
Now, I think that's completely daft,
because the consequences of him

359
00:19:11,058 --> 00:19:13,608
getting that wrong certain death.

360
00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:17,396
But actually all the leadership
thinking nowadays is that leaders

361
00:19:17,396 --> 00:19:22,316
need to make quick decisions, but make
decisions that you can fail at fast.

362
00:19:22,316 --> 00:19:27,178
So these quick decisions need to be
small decisions that can be reversed.

363
00:19:27,259 --> 00:19:30,729
Choose something where there'll be
a small consequence where it's not

364
00:19:30,819 --> 00:19:32,499
life or death, you can reverse it.

365
00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:37,959
'Cause often you only know what the
right next decision when you make it.

366
00:19:38,259 --> 00:19:40,809
Or you'll know that it's the wrong
next decision, but it didn't mean

367
00:19:40,809 --> 00:19:43,209
that it was wrong to make it 'cause
you would never have found out.

368
00:19:43,781 --> 00:19:46,871
We have got to get ourselves away
from this thing and that we've got to

369
00:19:46,871 --> 00:19:48,731
make the perfect decision every time.

370
00:19:48,731 --> 00:19:50,891
'cause half the time we do not know.

371
00:19:51,011 --> 00:19:54,761
I remember starting a job as a
clinical assistant in a E because I

372
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,441
thought that's what I wanted to do.

373
00:19:56,441 --> 00:19:59,741
And it wasn't until I was
doing it that I realized it was

374
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:00,971
totally the wrong job for me.

375
00:20:00,971 --> 00:20:01,781
I hated it.

376
00:20:02,081 --> 00:20:04,781
But there's no way I could have
known that without trying it.

377
00:20:05,021 --> 00:20:06,101
Was it the wrong decision?

378
00:20:06,311 --> 00:20:09,251
No, it was the right decision,
'cause I then found out what I

379
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,691
did like and what I didn't like.

380
00:20:11,041 --> 00:20:15,691
Now, just like Indiana Jones falling
off that cliff, things could go really,

381
00:20:15,691 --> 00:20:20,871
really wrong but the problem is a lot
of us just avoid thinking about it.

382
00:20:21,198 --> 00:20:24,348
And it almost feels too
scared to look into.

383
00:20:24,698 --> 00:20:28,568
But one thing about looking at
the worst case scenario right in

384
00:20:28,568 --> 00:20:32,293
the face is that you can start
planning for if that happens.

385
00:20:33,201 --> 00:20:37,691
I'm sure that lots of you will be like me
and have issues with funding right now.

386
00:20:38,131 --> 00:20:41,359
Those of you that working in the
NHS, everything is being cut.

387
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:47,134
And for me and the team, funding has been
a real issue over the last 6 to 12 months.

388
00:20:47,334 --> 00:20:50,304
We do live online and face-to-face
training to help doctors and other

389
00:20:50,304 --> 00:20:54,324
healthcare professionals beat burnout
and work happier, and many of our clients

390
00:20:54,324 --> 00:20:57,774
say, we really want you to come do
it, but the funding's just been pulled

391
00:20:57,954 --> 00:21:01,194
for the new to GP Fellowship program
or for this thing that I was running.

392
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,289
So it's been tough.

393
00:21:02,802 --> 00:21:09,292
And I started to worry about well, could
I afford to run my organization if the

394
00:21:09,292 --> 00:21:11,332
funding got worse and worse and worse?

395
00:21:11,992 --> 00:21:14,272
And there was one point I didn't really
want to look into, but I thought, no,

396
00:21:14,272 --> 00:21:16,402
I need to face the worst case scenario.

397
00:21:16,882 --> 00:21:17,492
And so I did.

398
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:22,795
And we got together with the team and
we made a plan, and it actually forced

399
00:21:22,795 --> 00:21:24,895
us to make some changes for the good.

400
00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:28,525
We've made sure that all of us
are working absolutely in our zone

401
00:21:28,525 --> 00:21:31,705
of genius and doing the things
where we have the biggest impact.

402
00:21:32,005 --> 00:21:33,145
We've made some savings.

403
00:21:33,145 --> 00:21:37,708
We've also got a plan for if
funding in the NHS continues

404
00:21:37,708 --> 00:21:38,608
to be really, really difficult.

405
00:21:39,211 --> 00:21:44,081
And we've pivoted to make sure that if
someone's organization can't fund the

406
00:21:44,081 --> 00:21:46,301
training, they can access it themselves.

407
00:21:46,751 --> 00:21:51,231
And by the way, side note, if you're
a member of FrogXxtra or FrogXxtra

408
00:21:51,251 --> 00:21:54,286
Gold, or any of our memberships,
thank you because you are helping

409
00:21:54,461 --> 00:21:58,676
to fund this podcast, which then
continues to be free for everybody.

410
00:21:59,095 --> 00:22:03,025
I couldn't keep doing this podcast
if we didn't have our memberships and

411
00:22:03,025 --> 00:22:05,185
our amazing supporters, so thank you.

412
00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:07,760
So face the worst case scenario.

413
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,910
Instead of ignoring the numbers or
ignoring the complaint or that awkward

414
00:22:10,910 --> 00:22:15,110
meeting, just face it and ask yourself,
well, what is the realistic worst case?

415
00:22:15,770 --> 00:22:17,630
What would I do if it actually happened?

416
00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:18,710
Who could help me?

417
00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:22,040
And what is still within my
control, and this isn't pessimism,

418
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,140
is it's scenario planning.

419
00:22:24,477 --> 00:22:25,977
GPs call it safety netting.

420
00:22:26,277 --> 00:22:26,877
Try it.

421
00:22:27,177 --> 00:22:32,277
Facing the facts actually makes a water
surf seem much, much less cloudy, much

422
00:22:32,277 --> 00:22:36,034
quicker, rather than just pretending
that everything is fine, because you just

423
00:22:36,034 --> 00:22:40,984
stop guessing what the monsters are and
often facing the worst case scenario is

424
00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:47,104
better than imagining what might happen
once you actually know it's rarely as

425
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:49,264
bad as what your amygdala is telling you.

426
00:22:49,464 --> 00:22:52,524
And the great thing is that most times
the worst case scenario doesn't happen.

427
00:22:52,824 --> 00:22:54,684
So what can you do about this?

428
00:22:54,684 --> 00:22:55,734
What can you try this week?

429
00:22:55,734 --> 00:22:59,941
Well notice when you start to feel
fearful, when the water starts to

430
00:22:59,941 --> 00:23:04,201
get a bit cloudy, ask yourself,
is there any uncertainty in this?

431
00:23:04,426 --> 00:23:07,936
The instant you feel really tight
in your stomach or your mind starts

432
00:23:07,936 --> 00:23:12,706
telling you stories, pause and
then name it, yes, uncertainty.

433
00:23:12,993 --> 00:23:16,893
And then try this ritual, ground
yourself with some breaths

434
00:23:17,103 --> 00:23:19,443
or looking around noticing.

435
00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:22,173
Tell yourself I am safe right now.

436
00:23:22,413 --> 00:23:24,213
Right now I am safe.

437
00:23:24,777 --> 00:23:26,754
Ask what's mine to do right now?

438
00:23:26,874 --> 00:23:27,654
What could I do?

439
00:23:27,864 --> 00:23:32,917
If you need to talk to a fellow frog,
and then take one small hop, do one

440
00:23:32,917 --> 00:23:38,501
small action, send one email or write
down a review date, or even just write

441
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,741
down your worry, and then leave it.

442
00:23:41,427 --> 00:23:45,122
It is not dramatic leaps,
it's just small steps.

443
00:23:45,489 --> 00:23:49,809
And there's a great question that
my best mate and I ask each other

444
00:23:49,809 --> 00:23:53,079
every time we are just freaking
out about one of the children.

445
00:23:53,518 --> 00:23:56,758
And that is, if you knew
everything was gonna be okay,

446
00:23:57,058 --> 00:23:58,318
how would you be acting now?

447
00:23:58,618 --> 00:24:00,178
It's a great question.

448
00:24:00,808 --> 00:24:04,528
If you ask yourself that, you'll
come up with a next step and

449
00:24:04,528 --> 00:24:05,758
it'll be a wise next step.

450
00:24:05,758 --> 00:24:08,578
It won't be one motivated by fear.

451
00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:10,651
Because we have a choice in all this.

452
00:24:11,251 --> 00:24:15,991
If nothing changes, if we keep
freaking out when things are uncertain,

453
00:24:15,991 --> 00:24:19,421
we just keep thrashing around in
this cloudy water, we'll be making

454
00:24:19,421 --> 00:24:20,411
the stress of what's happening.

455
00:24:20,471 --> 00:24:23,561
Even worse, pre reliving
disasters, that will never happen.

456
00:24:23,711 --> 00:24:26,411
You're literally toning up
your own heat in the pan.

457
00:24:27,020 --> 00:24:30,980
But if you pause, you breathe and
just let the water settle, you might

458
00:24:30,980 --> 00:24:32,750
start to see what's really there.

459
00:24:33,110 --> 00:24:36,290
You'll realize that these monsters under
the surface, well they were figments of

460
00:24:36,290 --> 00:24:40,973
your imagination all along, you'll find
your next step and then the next one.

461
00:24:41,431 --> 00:24:45,121
If you want more tools to keep the
water calm, just even maybe the next

462
00:24:45,121 --> 00:24:48,631
step, then download our free Burnout
Self-assessment Toolkit, or you can

463
00:24:48,631 --> 00:24:50,101
join our Beat Stress and Thrive course.

464
00:24:50,436 --> 00:24:52,986
They've got loads and loads of
practical next steps and ways

465
00:24:52,986 --> 00:24:54,966
to stay in your zone of power.

466
00:24:55,366 --> 00:24:59,473
And please, if uncertainty is
tipping you into constant anxiety,

467
00:24:59,473 --> 00:25:02,683
sleeplessness, or you're feeling
really despairing, then please speak

468
00:25:02,683 --> 00:25:06,133
with your own GP or practitioner
health, or a trusted therapist.

469
00:25:06,253 --> 00:25:07,243
You need support.

470
00:25:07,243 --> 00:25:08,893
You don't need to do this on your own.

471
00:25:09,193 --> 00:25:12,763
Because you've already proved that you
can hold uncertainty for others, you need

472
00:25:12,763 --> 00:25:17,199
to be able to hold it for yourself with
the same calm, compassion, and confidence

473
00:25:17,289 --> 00:25:18,729
that, that you're giving everybody else.

474
00:25:19,086 --> 00:25:21,876
Now just before we finish, I just
wanna talk to you about three

475
00:25:21,876 --> 00:25:23,496
mistakes I see people making.

476
00:25:23,796 --> 00:25:25,806
When we are facing uncertainty.

477
00:25:26,496 --> 00:25:31,586
Doctors and people in healthcare are
always, always able to give one example

478
00:25:31,586 --> 00:25:33,566
of a total disaster that happened.

479
00:25:34,076 --> 00:25:37,676
So someone's child came to harm,
or a marriage failed, or a patient

480
00:25:37,676 --> 00:25:38,786
died, or something like that.

481
00:25:38,936 --> 00:25:41,546
Medics have always seen
the worst things happening.

482
00:25:42,236 --> 00:25:45,026
My daughter had raised glands
in her neck the other day.

483
00:25:45,506 --> 00:25:48,926
I'm worrying about lymphoma, my
friends are just worrying about their

484
00:25:48,926 --> 00:25:50,546
kid missing school the next day.

485
00:25:51,024 --> 00:25:54,681
Don't let the exception be the
rule, and instead of asking,

486
00:25:54,831 --> 00:25:56,871
well, what if X happens?

487
00:25:57,471 --> 00:25:59,156
Ask, well, what if X doesn't happen?

488
00:25:59,792 --> 00:26:03,632
We've seen dreadful things
happening to good people, and we

489
00:26:03,632 --> 00:26:06,182
have a skewed version of reality.

490
00:26:06,546 --> 00:26:10,626
But conversely, don't assume you can
always fix it or puzzle it out yourself.

491
00:26:10,986 --> 00:26:15,306
If there may be a serious consequence,
get help sooner rather than later.

492
00:26:15,336 --> 00:26:17,496
It is not a weakness to ask for help.

493
00:26:17,970 --> 00:26:22,221
And finally, we often seek
reassurance from other people.

494
00:26:22,521 --> 00:26:25,161
Yes, it's really, really important
to check out the stories in your

495
00:26:25,161 --> 00:26:29,661
own head, find a, a friend, a
trusted friend who you can say, I'm

496
00:26:29,661 --> 00:26:31,191
thinking this, does that sound right?

497
00:26:31,191 --> 00:26:34,688
And they can help you know whether
that story is totally mad or not.

498
00:26:34,713 --> 00:26:36,739
And they can help you
get some perspective.

499
00:26:37,369 --> 00:26:40,849
But what they can't do is they can't
tell you that it's all gonna be okay.

500
00:26:41,193 --> 00:26:43,871
And if they do, that's
not that helpful either.

501
00:26:44,021 --> 00:26:47,351
No one has ever been reassured by
someone going, don't worry, it'll

502
00:26:47,411 --> 00:26:50,863
all be fine, because you're telling
yourself, well, it might not be.

503
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:55,471
So the aim in life is not to live
in total certainty all the time.

504
00:26:56,041 --> 00:26:57,571
That's really boring anyway.

505
00:26:58,231 --> 00:27:03,001
The aim is to know what to do with
yourself in the face of uncertainty .When

506
00:27:03,001 --> 00:27:07,981
the water gets cloudy, to stop staring
up the mud, to let it all settle and

507
00:27:07,981 --> 00:27:10,171
trust that the bottom will appear again.

508
00:27:10,471 --> 00:27:12,361
You can't stop these things happening.

509
00:27:12,361 --> 00:27:17,101
, Can't stop uncertainty, but you can
choose whether you are disturbed by it

510
00:27:17,101 --> 00:27:19,116
and how long you stayed disturbed by it.

511
00:27:19,416 --> 00:27:20,466
Because you are not a frog.

512
00:27:20,496 --> 00:27:25,236
You don't need to jump out the pan or
the pond as soon as things are uncertain.

513
00:27:25,236 --> 00:27:26,496
You're human being.

514
00:27:26,796 --> 00:27:29,396
You've got a brilliant brain,
you really, really care.

515
00:27:29,726 --> 00:27:32,636
And sometimes the water
is incredibly cloudy.

516
00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:35,621
Uncertainty isn't the enemy.

517
00:27:35,921 --> 00:27:36,911
It's just life.