Lisa Marie Rankin [00:00:00]:

In this episode, I have the pleasure of speaking with Madeline Charles, a relationship coach for women. Madeline blends her professional experience as a psychotherapist with intuitive guidance. Her approach is both equal parts practical and spiritual to help women call in an amazing partnership. We discuss masculine and feminine polarities, limiting beliefs, vulnerability, expanding your permission field for what's possible, and so much more. So whether you're looking for a relationship or looking to amplify an existing relationship, you're gonna get a ton from this conversation. So let's dive in.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:00:37]:

Welcome to The Goddess School Podcast, where eastern wisdom meets western mysticism. I'm your host, Lisa Marie Rankine, author, teacher, and Ayurvedic wellness coach here to help you reclaim your feminine superpowers, and I am so glad you're here. Listen, women are magical. They are intuitive, creative, wise, and magnetic. However, in today's fast paced world, these gifts often get buried under a more masculine way of life. Together, we'll awaken those powers. In each episode, I'll take you through sacred teachings like Ayurveda, shadow work, and the mysteries of archetypes and rituals so you can live with more clarity, synchronicity, and joy in all realms of life, like relationships, health, money, and more. So let's dive in so you can make the most of your one mythic life.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:01:29]:

The veil is parting. Let's begin.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:01:35]:

Hello, beautiful listeners. So today, I am very excited to be speaking with Madeline Charles. She is a relationship coach and expert, and I know that many of my listeners know that I love discussing the intersection between spirituality and relationships because I often think our romantic relationships can be such a portal to growth. Even though they can also be painful, they can also bring a lot of healing and a lot of joy as well So very excited to introduce you to Madeline. So Madeline Thank you for joining me today And do you want to maybe just share a little bit more about yourself that I was a relatively quick intro So if you'd like to to share a little bit more, I would love to hear it.

Madeline Charles [00:02:21]:

Yeah. Oh my gosh. I'm so grateful to be here, Lisa Marie. Thank you for this opportunity. So I'm a women's love coach. I really specialize in supporting women that identify as anxious or avoidant daters, helping them become more securely attached and attract the right partners. They can create a conscious partnership that lasts. Yeah.

Madeline Charles [00:02:37]:

I'm excited to get into things with you today.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:02:39]:

Fantastic. So one of the first things that had come to mind, and I think I would probably identify as more of an anxious attachment. And while I was dating, I have an amazing partner right well, hopefully, forever. I have an amazing partner now. But, previously, in one of the first two years of our relationship, I felt like I was really very, very anxious. So one of the questions I have for you is sometimes it seems that women feel that they need to be completely healed before getting into a relationship. You know, there's a lot of kind of talk maybe in our zeitgeist. Like, you need to focus on you.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:03:20]:

You need to work on you, and sometimes being single is better. And I would love to get your take on that.

Madeline Charles [00:03:27]:

Oh my gosh. Yes. I'm so glad you bring this up because it's something that a lot of women in my community grapple with as well. They say, how do I know I'm ready? What if I still have patterns or triggers or things that I need to work through? I don't wanna bring that into a new dynamic. So I have some different thoughts around this. What I wanna start by saying is I think that it's actually quite a trap we can fall into around feeling that we need to be healed before dating or we need to come to this place of no longer having patterns or triggers disrupt the dating process. I think sometimes we can perpetually stay in the healing and growing, learning realm because it's a sneaky self protection. It's like, okay.

Madeline Charles [00:04:10]:

If there's always one more thing for me to learn, another training to consume, another exercise to put myself through, then I don't have to actually face the things that are going to be the the true portal for moving through and getting to the other side. So I like to look at where might you be looking at healing as a self protective place? Where might there be an opportunity for you to say, you know what? I'm a human, which means I'm always gonna be learning and growing. I'm never gonna arrive at this place of being perfectly healed and becoming more securely attached, coming to this place of deep confidence, self worth, self trust that is going to be developed through real time experiences. So, of course, I think you and I might agree. Like, of course, we're here to support and coach and and train and guide. And so much of that comes into real practice when we get in the arena and we show ourselves, I know enough, and I'm gonna learn more through real applied experience and feedback. And I'm going to trust myself to kinda walk through the fire, so to speak. So I can share more.

Madeline Charles [00:05:17]:

I do think that there's kinda, like, another, like, layer around this, around some things you may wanna look at when you're perhaps, like, fresh out of a breakup or you've been hesitant to get back to dating. But I wanted to just start there around my initial thoughts.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:05:31]:

Yeah, thank you so much. And yeah, I tend to agree and part of it is just based on my own experience that like I said, I have identified as anxiously attached but the thing is if I didn't have a Partner, I was fine. There was no anxiety So there'd be no opportunity to hail unless I was in a relationship because if I wasn't, I could think that everything is fine and that I am hailed. It's the actual kind of living the experience that brings up our wounds, which gives us an identification of where we need to work. But unless we're, like you said, in the arena, often they would just be dormant, and you wouldn't even know.

Madeline Charles [00:06:10]:

Yeah. That's such a good point. And I often do hear clients say, like, I don't know if I wanna date because my life is pretty good right now. And I know that when I date, all of a sudden my emotions are heightened and I feel kinda wonky and I get a little bit insecure. And I'd rather not go there. I'd rather just keep things stable and feeling safe. But what what we know is that for so many of us, we have that deep yearning for partnership. And as much as we might try to tell ourselves, I don't know if I wanna open Pandora's box.

Madeline Charles [00:06:40]:

There's still that side that's like, hey, I think that this is really a desire you have. And so then it becomes how do we acknowledge that desire, really kind of face it head on, and not see it as something that we're trying to, like, keep underground. Like, don't wanna go there. But instead, it's like, okay, how can I really open myself up to this and see it as this opportunity for deeper growth and expansion? And for me to I don't know why, like, walking through the fire keeps coming up, but not feels like, like, kind of like an intense image. But sometimes that's what it is. Like, we're burning away our insecurities. We're burning away past identities, old patterns, and things that are outdated. They don't fit us anymore.

Madeline Charles [00:07:20]:

But as long as we're not willing to look at it, it's gonna keep kind of popping up and it's gonna actually likely take more energy to stuff it down and repress than it is to be like, you know what? Like, I do really want love in my life and I want to feel whole and secure, and I wanna trust myself, the universe. And so, yeah, let me go down this path and see what's really here for me.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:07:45]:

Yeah. Oh, I love that. I actually love the walking through the fire because it has that kind of, like, ritualistic, you know, rite of passage type feel, which is what my we work with a lot in my community too. So that's perfect. And I'm glad you you said the word desire, which triggered something in me because I do believe that sometimes if you're on a personal development or spiritual growth path, it seems like you should, and for those of you listening, I'm almost using air quotes. You know, anytime you use the word should, it's always like you should be happy with yourself or, you know, cultivate a sense of equanimity whether you have a partner or not, or you should feel good enough by yourself that you don't need anyone. And in some ways, you know, in some ways, that's true. You should.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:08:27]:

And it is also okay, as you said, as humans, we have this deep connection to form partnership, to connect with others. So how do you feel almost about that paradox where in the one hand, it's like, oh, we wanna be completely, you know, sovereign, and we're okay to be by ourselves. But in the other hand, it's like, yeah. And I want partnership. I want communion. I want intimacy.

Madeline Charles [00:08:53]:

Yes. And this is where I had mentioned earlier, like, there is a bit of a nuance piece here where perhaps if you're coming out of a breakup or you realize, wow, I've really been kind of outsourcing my sense of self worth and safety in the world to someone romantically and, like, oh, that doesn't feel good. I wanna really be able to stand on my own two feet. Yeah. You might do some healing work to say, how do I source pleasure, joy, safety in my own life? How do I learn to love my own company? How do I, you know, feel okay, come to a place of contentment on my own? But then we don't wanna mistake that for where a lot of women will swing, which is that hyper independence that Mhmm. Again, self protective mechanism of, like, I don't need anyone. Life is fine as it is. And then, of course, you wanna have that full beautiful life.

Madeline Charles [00:09:43]:

But there is that vulnerable next step of, yeah, some part of me does need this. It doesn't mean I'm needy, but there is this, I believe, deep feminine yearning that we can try to stuff down and turn off, and it's always gonna be there. So I like to think of it like we might as well lean in and really acknowledge it and learn how to work with it. And that feminine yearning, it's not just I'm single and I wanna partner. I think we can zoom it out to say in part Of course, you're gonna continually desire that closeness, that connection. You're going to grow and evolve, and you're gonna wanna see your partner meet you in that new way. And so when you can see, wow, this is just a part of my journey as a feminine being, and, like, it's not gonna go away. It might show up differently at different stages of my life, but this is part of who I am.

Madeline Charles [00:10:30]:

This is part of my my makeup. So how do I relate to this in a way that's gonna feel empowering and expansive where, yes, my life is amazing and rich and there's more. There's more that I want. And that doesn't make me bad. That doesn't make me insecure. That doesn't make me lack. I can relate to that more from more is more. Like, I see it as abundance.

Madeline Charles [00:10:52]:

I see it as what comes next. I feel full and complete, and I'm creating space for that next iteration of myself and partnership to come in.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:11:01]:

Yeah. Oh, I love that. That just reminded me, David Data, who is author, you know, masculine feminine polarity expert will say that feminine is full and still wants more, which I think is really a beautiful way of looking at the feminine as well too. You used a term that I just wanna just kind of note, and I think it's a great inquiry for the women listening, hyper independence. And just to kind of check-in with yourself and have you cultivated a sense of hyper independence as a means of protection. Because I think, you know, as women, I always say we are extremely capable. We are extremely competent, and we can do so much on our own. That doesn't also necessarily mean you have to or necessarily want to.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:11:45]:

So I think that's just an important thing to note. We touched on the the feminine a bit, and I would love your take. You know, I think there's there's a lot of work being done regarding masculine feminine polarities in relationships. What's your opinion on that? Are they necessary or what are your thoughts? Oh, I love it.

Madeline Charles [00:12:08]:

I love it. So my personal approach around this is I do believe in feminine masculine energy and the polarities where I think sometimes things can get skewed is I think sometimes, especially the women I work with, and I know I've been here myself, when you're in that insecure place and you're trying to kinda grasp on to a framework and you wanna find that safety and, like, just tell me what to do and, like, how does this all work? Sometimes it can become a little bit dogmatic where it's like, oh, is this what it means to be feminine? This is how the feminine woman looks and dresses and acts and speaks. And we can sometimes feel a bit boxed in around that. And then we can also say, okay. A masculine man, you know, he he looks and sounds like this, and he acts like that. And we can sometimes get into this limited perception of of what those roles look like. And then I have also seen where it can be like, oh, I don't wanna get into my masculine. I don't wanna attract someone in my in their feminine.

Madeline Charles [00:13:00]:

And and so we sometimes forget that it's actually quite fluid. Mhmm. We have these energies in in all of us. And the more fluidity you can bring to your own self expression, the more emotional safety I believe that you're going to cultivate between yourself and a partner because it's like, hey, I'm not putting you in this box. I'm not putting you on this pedestal. I'm allowing my full self expression range, and I'm giving you permission and safety to be in the same way.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:13:29]:

Yeah.

Madeline Charles [00:13:29]:

And that is really beautiful. So I have found that sometimes with the heightened awareness around these, teachings, it's awesome. And sometimes we can get a little bit narrow minded around it, and that's where I find a lot of frustration will come up in helping women to cultivate the love lives they want. Because it's like, oh, somewhere along the way, you interpreted this as, like, there's a right and wrong, and there's, like, a box you've put yourself in that's not actually working because that's not where we're meant to stay.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:14:03]:

Yeah. I love that because there is the fluidity and we are all humans and we're all changing all the time and responding differently. And with that said, would there be any tips that you would have for maybe a very competent woman? She might have a very, you know, high powered job or she's very much used to taking care of things on her own of how to start to play with polarity within the dating realm.

Madeline Charles [00:14:34]:

Yeah. So good. So I like to talk about giving a partner or a romantic interest the green light. Meaning, like, you're not just waiting to say, they should know what I want. If they were high quality masculine, they would, you know, give me this great date idea, and they would have it all planned out. Yes. And it's like giving yourself a little bit of that flexibility to let someone know what you're really interested in. And so if you are in communication with someone, you might say, hey.

Madeline Charles [00:15:03]:

Like, you know what sounds really great this week? Like, I'm really craving Italian, or I have this trail that I walk every day after work, and maybe we can, you know, go there and just meet up on Saturday. Whatever. Like, you're giving a little bit of idea and input, and I think sometimes women are afraid to do that. So it's just giving yourself more permission there. Or you might say, oh, I'm available Tuesday and Sunday. Let me know what works for you. So you're just giving a little bit. Because I find that sometimes women are in that self censoring place where they say, I don't wanna lead.

Madeline Charles [00:15:33]:

I'm tired of doing that, so I'm gonna pull back all the way. And then what can end up happening is men in particular will go, oh, I didn't think you were interested because I just wasn't getting any sense from you. It felt a little bit dry or robotic or, like, surface level in our communication. I wasn't getting anything. So there's that. And then also just, like, tapping in with your feelings. I think a lot of times when we are hyper independent, super self sufficient, it's like, okay, I'm just knocking out my to do list. I'm just getting through the day.

Madeline Charles [00:16:02]:

And a lot of times it's like, oh, pleasure, feeling my feelings, like, yeah. I'll put that on the back burner. Maybe if I get twenty minutes on a Saturday, I'll do a bubble bath or something. Like, we've kind of forgotten that self care and connecting to yourself in a feminine way. It's not just about a pedicure or something like that. It really is about moment to moment bringing in that somatic awareness. Hey. I'm feeling constricted in my breathing, my stomach's in knots, my heart's racing.

Madeline Charles [00:16:30]:

What's going on? Okay. I just wrote this email and now I'm kinda spiraling about it. Or I went on to a dating app and I didn't love what I saw in there. Okay. What's the story I'm telling myself now? Like, creating those little pauses to understand what am I really feeling? How do I wanna feel instead? Like, what's a conscious choice I have in this moment? Those things can pattern interrupt the woman who feels like the world is on her shoulders. Everything is up to her. She's rushing around, feeling depleted. And so it really is this rewiring.

Madeline Charles [00:17:02]:

And and I love so many people now are talking about the importance of rest and, like, rest before you need it. Like, that burnout avoidance, which is awesome. And so when we think about a high powered woman creating space for love, it's like, the this is a piece of it. And so perhaps part of that healing work that is important for you to do as much as we wanna be mindful that it's not just this, like, perpetual loop you're in. But sometimes it's about, hey. I have to actually make space, like, practically in my life. Where would I have time to go on a date? Do I have energy to put into online dating or going to meet or whatever? And if the answer feels like no, you're totally maxed out even though this is your deeper desire, that's that's your work. And this is where I think sometimes high powered feminine women struggle because it's like, I really want it, but I'm so used to saying yes or I'm so used to caretaking and overloading my plate and to create space for love.

Madeline Charles [00:17:57]:

Sometimes it happens instantly. A lot of times it doesn't. And so you're holding this space open on your calendar, in your energy, like, in all of the ways emotionally. And that can be challenging when you're used to just filling your time. But you holding that space open, it really is the standard and declaration for yourself of, hey, like, there needs to be an an opening and a pathway, and it's my sacred responsibility to guard that. And that might mean that I'm turning things down. I'm moving away from instant gratification or people pleasing. But that's my side of the equation that I get to do.

Madeline Charles [00:18:33]:

And from there, I can open up to activities that feel exciting to support me in meeting people. But, yeah, I'm holding that space open because no one else is gonna do it for me, and that's a way that I really get to nurture myself and send the right signal out to the world.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:18:48]:

Yeah. Well, I love that perspective. And in my community, we talk a lot about boundaries, whereas, you know, I think sometimes we think boundaries are like, he can't say that to me or she can't borrow my money. But I like to think of boundaries as protecting what it is that we want So like you were saying like well, if making space for your failings making space for rest is important It's like that's a boundary So it's not about what you don't want but it's really about protecting like what is the energy? What is the experience that you want to abide in? And, you know, what do you need to do to protect that?

Madeline Charles [00:19:24]:

Yeah. Absolutely. And one of the things that came up when we were discussing this topic around, like, do you need to be healed before you start dating? Really tapping into your spiritual connection and guidance. And so understanding your your intuition, your discernment, these beautiful feminine gifts, they become available in the quiet, in the space. So I love, Lisa Marie, that you're highlighting the the boundaries piece because that is what's gonna help you know. Oh, am I am I really in a season where this just isn't a priority and that gets to be okay? Or have I been in a self protective place? Like, for you to be able to suss that out, it's gonna come from having the capacity to go deeper within yourself.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:20:06]:

Yeah. And to access that inner wisdom, we do need to make space for Quiet for reflection for getting in nature. It's not necessarily we can't we're just call upon our inner wisdom as we're like doing the groceries or in a meeting So there does need to be intentional time for that, too I love what you said to just earlier back that, like, it's okay to be like, oh, I was really craving Italian food this week because I think sometimes what I have noticed from women and myself included probably is like we can be really good at saying the things that we don't want, but not so good about saying the things that we do want. And when we kind of approach things like I don't want that, I think that confuses a lot of men in particular because it's like, well, I don't know then. Right? So it's also, like, an opportunity, I think, to kind of connect and, like, what do you want? What do you desire? What would make you happy?

Madeline Charles [00:20:57]:

Yeah. That's such a good point. I think that we are kind of all conditioned to focus on the things that we don't want. And and especially in dating, it's like, like, I'm trying to steer you away from things, but it's more vulnerable to say, I am looking for a serious committed relationship. I would like Italian this week. Or, yeah, I was a little bit confused when you said you were gonna call and I didn't hear from you. But it would actually feel really great if you did send me that good morning text again or whatever it is. There is vulnerability in owning the desires.

Madeline Charles [00:21:27]:

But what's so cool is, like with anything, it's a muscle that you can strengthen and you get more practiced in it. And then when you have that positive reinforcement of, like, oh, someone had the clear road map for what I'm looking for, what's gonna really work for me, and they followed through and they really showed up. That felt good. Okay. So maybe I could do it in a small way. And then when it comes to the bigger things, I'm gonna have the capacity to say, yeah, I'm really looking for this. This is what helps me feel safe in relationship. This is what's important to me.

Madeline Charles [00:21:58]:

These are my values. And to be able to go into those deeper things that I think a lot of times we avoid. And it's funny when I help women look at their online dating profiles, for instance. It's like, I don't want a player. I don't want, you know, a noncommittal guy. And it's like, okay. Great. And what do you want? Like, let's come back to that.

Madeline Charles [00:22:15]:

It's so easy to go there in our minds, but making that conscious continual shift towards desire, allowing, opening, planning. Like, there's power there, and I think that that's also sometimes why we shy away.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:22:29]:

I love that. I love how you just said vulnerability too because there is vulnerability when we voice, when we advocate for what we are, even if it's Italian food because there's the opportunity that you might not get it, that maybe he's like, no. I don't really like Italian. I want Irish pub food or whatever. So I think we do get nervous about sharing what it is that we want because there is that vulnerability and there's a chance that we might not get it. And that's why it's vulnerable. There was like, you can't be vulnerable when you know the outcome a %. That's what makes vulnerability.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:23:01]:

And maybe could you just talk about that for a bit? Because yes, there is no right way of doing relationships or doing dating, like you are putting yourself out there and there is a chance that things might not work out. And there's that sense of vulnerability. Do you have any, like, words of wisdom maybe to help people kind of understand that, yeah, it's that soft spot that you are putting out there.

Madeline Charles [00:23:25]:

I see this so much with women where it's like, you know, they'll say, oh, I kinda skipped over that that part of asking what he's looking for because I you know, we were having such a good time. I didn't wanna get serious. I didn't wanna get heavy or I didn't wanna let him know that I actually needed to get home, and so I stayed out too late or whatever the thing is because we're afraid of rupture. We're afraid of losing the good thing. And so I think we have to reframe it to say, we could start a relationship based off trying to appease the other person, trying to fit their mold, trying to just kinda get along to go along and all of that. And it's gonna end up in a place where you don't feel ultimately fulfilled because your true self and your deeper needs have not had space to be seen. Instead, yeah, it is stretchy to say, you know what? I am holding the standard for myself that as much as a part of me might kick and scream and resist this, I'm gonna allow myself to lean in. And what that's looked like for me and my early relationship, and and this is how I kinda support my clients, it's it's like really naming it.

Madeline Charles [00:24:27]:

You don't have to act like you're super confident. You've got it all handled and you know the exact right thing to say. You could you could actually say to someone, I'm actually feeling quite nervous to share this with you. I'm not sure how you're gonna react or how it's gonna land, but here's what's real and true for me. And then you lay it out there, and you might fumble, and you might have to take a few deep breaths and whatever it is. But the thing is that is so captivating and magnetic. It cuts through so much of the early dating, like, facade of, you know, gotta present myself in a certain way. It's just like, hey.

Madeline Charles [00:25:00]:

Here's who I am. And that person might really respond positively and say, oh my gosh. This is such a breath of fresh air. Like, thank you for being real and authentic with me. Now I can meet you at this deeper level, or they may not. But you're gonna know regardless. I'm proud of how I walked myself through that. And, yeah, that was highly uncomfortable.

Madeline Charles [00:25:21]:

And like with anything, I'm still here. I feel braver on the other side. I have greater capacity to do it again. Yeah. And it really is a self honoring process of I would rather be true to myself as best as I can in the moment, in real time, or saying, hey, you know that thing last week? Or, hey, I know that we got intimate rather quickly. Like, I actually wanna slow it down or whatever it is. I'd rather do that than face possible rejection from them. Like, I would rather not abandon myself than fear abandonment from someone else.

Madeline Charles [00:25:51]:

And that's the key switch that we have to make. I have found to have vulnerability feel a little bit more accessible where we're like, okay. It's no longer about them. It's about me and having this self honoring experience.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:26:05]:

Oh, that is so important, and I love self honoring. It actually reminds me many of the women in my community and who will be listening have read Women Who Run with the Wolves, which is like this epic tome of women's wisdom by doctor Clarissa Pinkola Estes. And in it is so much just about self honoring. And she actually I'm paraphrasing here, but she has one passage that says that often women have to choose whether they are going to be exiled from others or exiled from self. And I think the self honoring is like, yes, I'm doing what's true to me. And it's easy for us to talk about, to intellectualize. Right? But it is. It's more challenging to do in practice.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:26:42]:

And that's why I do think relationships too offer us, like, this beautiful training ground where we get to actually practice some of the things that we're also good at talking about, but yet actually applying in real life, maybe not so much.

Madeline Charles [00:26:57]:

Yes. Yes. And this is where I have found, like, community can be so essential because it's like, hey. You're showing me that you've walked yourself through this. You're still here. You've come out in the other side in this great relationship. That's giving me hope. That's giving me permission.

Madeline Charles [00:27:13]:

It is a huge pattern to interrupt. I mean, a lot of these things we're talking about, they are generational patterns. They are societal. They are just everywhere. And so to carve out a different way of relating and opening up to conscious partnership, I mean, we're kind of diverting from the norm here. It doesn't mean that there's not that path available to you, but I have found being in community, being surrounded by others, it really just is so validating and reassuring of, okay. Like, this is available to me. As much as maybe my friends or my family are modeling something different, I get to be in that self honoring place where I can also be honored by others.

Madeline Charles [00:27:51]:

Like, I have found that to be very pivotal.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:27:53]:

Yeah. But I think that's very important as well too because it does open up the permission field when we see others who have that or everybody's just there to support as well who might be going through similar experiences. One of the things too, I feel like I've been hearing a lot of women. Maybe if you say or even just on social media there seems to be this Belief that there's no good men out there and I actually get really sad because I mean I have a fantastic man So I know that they are out there and I also know a lot of great men, too And I feel like even social media seems to propagate this that there's no like wasn't there some like trend last year about like Are you more scared of a man or a bear or something? Something like that. But there's this very a little bit of I feel like this anti man feeling out there, which I would love to start changing that narrative about because, well, one, I mean, I love men. I do. But what what are your thoughts on that? Because it's also a limiting belief. But if you don't believe that there's any good men out there, then you're not gonna find any.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:28:55]:

Right? Like, we need to believe they exist to actually be able to see them.

Madeline Charles [00:28:59]:

Oh my gosh. I'm really glad we're touching on this because it does make me sad as well. But like you said, it's a limiting belief, and we're gonna create evidence for the things we're looking for. So, of course, we can see many examples of men with poor behavior not acting great, and then it's easy to fixate on that. And then it's easy as well, I think, to dismiss examples of perhaps you and I having healthy partnerships where it's like, well, you're this, you're that. That's why it's easy for you. And and what happens when we do that? We start to isolate ourselves and create this illusion of separation where we feel disqualified from our desires. Like, they're available for other women if you're lucky and you're pretty and you're young and whatever, but not me.

Madeline Charles [00:29:41]:

And so I get really curious about that line of thinking. And, of course, it gets exacerbated with social media and and reality TV and all of these things. But what is the deeper reason for that? Of course, like, I have opinions about why the media, you know, likes to spin on that. But, like, personally, like, what within you may be a match to latch onto that narrative and personalize it for yourself? I do find that that's where, again, I come back to that self protection because that's really like, I see that at the root of all of these things. It's like, oh, if there's no good guys, then I don't need to try. I don't need to be vulnerable. I don't need to put myself out there. I can just kinda say, well, like, it's out of my hands.

Madeline Charles [00:30:24]:

It's out of my control. Like, I know there's nothing I can do. And that might pacify a part of you for some time, but I come back to that feminine yearning that there's gonna be a deeper part of you connected to truth, connected to this kind of universal consciousness that's gonna go, I don't buy that. Like, I really don't. There might be a part of me that's like, oh, that's like a nice thing to, you know, kick up my heels and not have to deal with, but you're not gonna be ultimately satisfied there. So I like to come back to that deeper part, like, giving that side of yourself a voice and to say, okay. If that's not ultimately true, if there are good men out there, how do I make myself available for that? What is within my control, my power to act and of the world show up in a way in which I'm being a a, quote, unquote, good woman? You know? Not that it's it's just it's like I'm the match for the type of guy who is going to be out there looking for someone like this. But as long as my head's in the sand and I'm just resigned to there's no good guys, why even try? I'm doing myself such a disservice.

Madeline Charles [00:31:31]:

And from that self honoring place, is this actually the way in which I wanna align my beliefs, my values, and and my embodiment? No. So I think we had to come back to that radical responsibility piece that is so critical in dating and relationship where it's like, what do I actually believe to be true? Do I actually believe that things are working out for me? Do I actually believe that I'm supported in receiving my desires? If the answer is yes, then we really get to challenge that narrative. And I think that sometimes we kind of stop there because that radical responsibility, it's confronting. It means we have got to step up and rise above some of these things. And so we can't be, like, fighting for our limitations and open to receiving our deeper desires at the same time. One of them has got to give. Yeah. So I think we get to be really honest with ourselves about the things that we're feeding ourselves, what we're choosing to believe.

Madeline Charles [00:32:21]:

And it is sometimes like, wow, I think I need to level up. If I don't wanna believe that, if I wanna be the type of woman who's available for real amazing love, yeah, I kinda gotta clean up some of my stuff on my side of the street. And that might be confronting and hard, but it's worth it. That's ultimately the standard I wanna be living at. So okay. Like, let's lean in and do it.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:32:41]:

I think challenging our narratives are so important whether we're talking about love and romance or money or career or health because they really do create our reality So we really have to start looking at like what are the stories that I tell myself? And I don't know if this is the phrase you use I think it's the phrase you use but we tend to argue for our limitations like I couldn't possibly do that because I work too much to do this, or I have too many children to raise, or, like, all of the reasons why we can't do something. And I think that is, like, we really need to start to observe when we do that. Like, why are we arguing for limitations? Like, why why do we do that? And, again, there's that protective strategy, but it seems so counterproductive to what it is that we're trying to achieve.

Madeline Charles [00:33:28]:

Totally. Yep. And so that's where I think we gotta get really honest with ourselves about the ways in which our self protective strategies are so clever. They're so well intended. And if we don't know how to spot them, we're just going to, you know, chalk it up to the way that we are and the way the world is and just what is available to us. So this is why I come back to community as well because there's that permission, but there's also, like, expanders. You know? Like, I have found it to be so beneficial for myself to surround myself, get myself in rooms with people that are up to big things that have the practical, tangible results I want that my mind can't fully comprehend. And I get to challenge myself to say, well, if it's possible for her, then why not me? And, like, actually answer that for myself and start to dissect and break down the barriers that I have placed between myself and what I believe is possible.

Madeline Charles [00:34:22]:

But a lot of times when we are just kind of in our day to day life, we're, you know, scrolling on social media and we're around friends that maybe are, you know, man bashers. And, like, they've just resigned to, like, they don't need anyone or whatever. We're gonna just, by osmosis, take that in, and that's gonna shape our reality. And so when we can say, I wanna be in a space that really inspires and empowers me and challenges me and what I believe is possible. Okay. Again, if it's possible for her, why not me? And, like, actually looking at that for yourself and breaking down that illusion of separation.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:34:56]:

Yeah, I think that is so important as well in one of my communities We actually talk about that a lot have sometimes women we can gather for this commiseration connection like my husband sucks My job sucks and you know, the kids it's so hard and the you know And while yeah. It's nice to have a supportive air. It also keeps us stuck. Whereas if we see people who are having great sex and have great relationships or making lots of money, it's like, oh, so it is actually possible because I know that person. So there is that permission field gets gets expanded about what's possible for us as well, too.

Madeline Charles [00:35:32]:

Yes. I love the call to permission field. Like, that gives me this visual.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:35:36]:

That's really cool. Yeah.

Madeline Charles [00:35:39]:

So I think, you know, obviously, anyone listening to a podcast like this, like, you're obviously, you know, tapped into some great things. And I find that sometimes we can I guess I'll speak from personal experience? Like, there was a time in the last couple years where I was like, wow. I I feel like I've kind of outgrown the spaces that I've been hanging out in. Like Mhmm. Now I kinda feel like the big fish in the small pond and, you know, I feel like the things that used to feel really stretchy and, oh my gosh, mind blowing are a little bit, like, they're just kinda normalized now, and that's great. And so, like, what's that next step? And I think that that's something we have to keep our eyes on, especially as women that are up to big things in the world and, you know, not to get stagnant there and not to get kinda comfy in the good enough place, which it might show up in terms of I don't need a partner or, you know, oh, I'm dating this kinda guy that, he's got it mostly, but he's not quite it. And the ways in which we can kinda cut corners on ourselves. And so, you know, getting into a room where it's like, woah.

Madeline Charles [00:36:39]:

Like, we're really having top discussions around topics that are, you know, pressing up up against my edges and expanding me. That's great. Or you might say, wow. Why have I been entertaining this connection with someone who's almost it, but not quite? Like, where am I maybe settling a little bit, getting comfy there? Because there's maybe that next edge that would cause me to have to kind of outgrow my current beliefs, identity, habits.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:37:08]:

Mhmm.

Madeline Charles [00:37:08]:

And so it's cool when we can consistently kinda check-in with ourselves around that and kinda keep our pulse on what's the next evolution. Where are you going? Like, it's time to get bigger.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:37:19]:

I know. I love that because we're always expanding. We're always coming into this next best version of ourselves. So that's important. Another question that I had for you is many of the women in my community are forties, fifties and above. And some of them might have gone through a divorce or maybe they haven't been married, but they're they're dating or they want to date. Is there any advice that you would give that's different to women in midlife than maybe you would to women, like, in their thirties?

Madeline Charles [00:37:51]:

Yes. Okay. So, actually and then this is, like, my typical kinda client population as well. But I will say, a lot of times, I find that just by default, women will start to kind of harden and get rigid around. Well, this is just who I am now. Like, got this clear sense of self, which is beautiful, and maybe my boundaries are really clear. And, like, I am in this place of just, like, decisiveness, and that's awesome. But we sometimes can get kinda stuck there, can get a little bit lodged and, like, locked up in this is who I am, and this is just what I do, and this is what my life looks like.

Madeline Charles [00:38:25]:

And we create these limitations. And so I like to just offer this inquiry around what if throughout your your journey, you become more malleable? What if you become more fluid in your self expression? What if rather than having these walls up, you are like, hey, I'm actually gonna have this place of experimentation and trial and error and playfulness and having fun and some of those things that I think sometimes we can lose because it's like, oh, that's reserved for young women or, you know, I've kinda had my time. And I think that that's within us always, but we sometimes forget it. And there's a there is that kind of cultural narrative of, like, what a a woman in midlife and above, what she looks like, how she acts. And so I like to bring in, like, staying connected to that vitality, that playfulness, that youthful essence where it's like, oh, yeah. Like, there is that part of me that can have fun again in dating. There's that part of me that can both both men partnership. I think sometimes it's like, oh, I don't know if I necessarily need to get married right now or if I don't know if I wanna live with someone.

Madeline Charles [00:39:25]:

And that's you know, those are your choices to make, of course. But I think we sometimes can get stuck there where it's like, well, then what is a guy good for anyway? And, like, what I like, what is this gonna look like? And you get to define what partnership looks like at this stage in your life. But I just invite you to have that sense of exploration and curiosity that we sometimes lose touch with because we come into, again, that, like, that more rigid way of being. So Yeah. That that's just something I wanted to offer there.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:39:52]:

Oh, I think and I think that's so important that we can put ourselves in boxes. Like, I know myself so well. I like this. I don't like this. I go to bed at this time. This is what I do the first thing in the morning. And, yes, while it's nice to get to know ourselves, we're also much more expansive than we actually realize who we are. So also in my community, we do a lot of work with Carl Jung and right, like, so we know the ego and the persona and that's just a little bit of the picture.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:40:16]:

So it's also an opportunity, I think, to play with different archetypes. Like, what does your inner empress want? What does your lover want? Your creatrix want. Like, you are much more expansive than what your conscious mind even even is privy to. So I think that's important too, that it's an opportunity to play with that sense of expansion.

Madeline Charles [00:40:35]:

Yeah. That's such a good point. And I I do know that you you have this amazing work around the archetypes and helping women plug into those different identities. And so I think that's such a great way to help, like, on a practical level for women to, you know, it's like, oh, yeah. Like, let me tap into these sides of myself that maybe have been dormant all my life or got locked away once I turned a certain age. And what would it be like to bring those things forward again? Oh my gosh. So much more becomes available. And that is really fun.

Madeline Charles [00:41:05]:

Yeah.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:41:05]:

Thank you so much for all of your beautiful wisdom today. I just I love this conversation. I love talking about relationships and really I love talking to women about As what we were saying kind of expanding this permission field and connecting with their desires and that it's okay to want and to desire more whether it's in relationships or really in any Area of their lives. So that's why I love the work that you are doing Is there anything else that you wanna share as well? I'm gonna put all of your information in the show notes so where people can find you, your website, your Instagram. Is there anything else you would like to offer listeners or tell us about?

Madeline Charles [00:41:42]:

I guess just the last thing I'll wrap up with here is really giving yourself permission to play the game. You know? And what I mean by that is the game of life, to play the game of constant evolution and growth. And so when you open up to a dating journey and you're opening your heart to love again, it's really through this lens of I'm constantly learning and growing. So no matter what happens, there's something here for me that is going to further me down my path, that is going to help me ground into the woman I wanna be. And so when I view dating from that lens, nothing is hard or a stuck point. It's like I get to mine everything that I go through for gold. Everything is working for me. There's always a growth lesson here.

Madeline Charles [00:42:26]:

And so I've just found that to be really supportive when women are like, okay. Like, I'm trying to heal. Am I ready? I don't know. It's like, well, are are you game to grow? That's really all you need. Like, when you view it from that lens, then everything is supporting you. And I've just found that to be, like, a really great way to help kind of get someone into their groove and starting their journey in attracting the right person.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:42:50]:

Yeah. Oh, that's perfect. And, yeah, it's kind of playing the game, just getting in there. And, I always like to say, showing up for your life, like, hide out. Let's experiment. Well, thank you so much. And, yeah, I love this conversation, and I'll look forward to speaking with you soon at some point.

Madeline Charles [00:43:07]:

Amazing. Thank you so much for having me, Lisa Marie. This was a blast. Thanks for

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:43:12]:

tuning in to the God of School podcast. I hope today's episode inspired you to reclaim your feminine magic. Now don't forget to subscribe to the show. And if you've enjoyed the podcast, please leave us a review on Apple. If you wanna dive deeper into divine feminine archetypes and reconnect with your power, check out my book, The Goddess Solution. It's packed with ancient goddess wisdom for the modern woman. You can find the book on Amazon, and the link is in the show notes. And if you are ready to embrace these practices alongside a global sisterhood, I invite you to join my Divine Feminine Mystery School, Enlivened.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:43:47]:

It's a supportive space to embody these teachings with a fantastic community of like minded women. You'll find the link in the show notes. Remember, the goddess isn't a deity outside of you. She's an aspect of your highest self. You are the goddess. Until next time, my friend.