One question we don't ask enough is how do I feel on like an emotional level?
Another question that we absolutely probably never ask is how can I tell?
Your emotions and the underlying sensations of those emotions are directly
connected to your polyvagal state.
I want to help you connect with those inner experiences so that you can develop
more mindfulness and self compassion.
Hi, I'm Justin Sunseri.
I'm a therapist and coach who helps you live with more calm,
confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo woo.
Welcome to Stuck Not Broken.
What you're about to hear is a clip from an open Q& A from within the
Stuck Not Collective community.
A member asked how to tell if their safety state is strengthening.
And this is where the conversation went.
As a reminder, the podcast is not therapy, nor is it a replacement for therapy.
The polyvagal stuff is we can feel it.
We can feel it as it happens.
We can notice that as it happens.
If we're mindful enough, if we can, if we're conscious enough of what's
happening internally, we can feel it.
It's a, it's a physical process.
It's not emotions and things aren't these like spiritual things lingering
within us that have no tangible, you know, like there's no concreteness.
Like these are concrete things.
Um, emotions are just our conscious experience of what's happening internally.
it's, it's physical, it's real.
Part of, um, UDS, the third phase, the third course, part of that
is it teaches you how to feel them, how to, how to mindfully,
compassionately feel these things.
Before your safety states developed, it's probably feels like it's all over
place and out of control and maybe even random, but as you strengthen
your safety state, then you'll be able to mindfully consciously feel these,
uh, emotions within you, but you'll feel them for, you know, as emotion,
maybe, but underneath that emotion is.
Some sort of a sensation.
So what that means is if I ask you, like, when's the last time you felt, we'll
say happy or joy or something like that.
I don't care.
Anger.
It doesn't matter.
But if I ask you to, when's the last time you felt X, you might
say, Oh, I felt it last week.
And my question would be, well, how do you know you felt it?
How do you know you felt happiness?
How do you know you felt anger?
And the way you know that is because you feel it.
And so there's a way to describe what's happening within you.
So you would describe like my anger felt like whatever.
X, Y, and Z.
My sadness felt like, you know, X, Y, and Z.
So there's a conscious, tangible level we can get to with these things.
And beyond just labeling them as sad, or angry, or happy, or whatever.
There's, there's, we can describe these experiences.
Because they are, they are there's something happening within us.
There's, there's a felt, uh, experience of these things.
So as you, as we all shift up and down the polyvagal ladder, we can, we
can feel those shifts taking place, uh, as they're happening, uh, after
they've happened the next day, we might be able to think back and say,
Oh yeah, there was this moment where I shifted and thinking back on it, I can.
I can, you can feel it again, or I can describe what I went through.
But yeah, as we go up and down the ladder throughout the day, we, we will, we can,
we have the capacity to notice those, those shifts, uh, even right now, even
though you might not be actively shifting, you're in some sort of state, all of
us are in some sort of state right now.
And we can, we can feel that.
Take a moment for yourself.
Actually, I'll ask you a real simple question, everybody.
You don't have to share if you don't want to, just for yourself.
Right now in this moment, do you feel more like hugging somebody, uh, running away,
hitting something or hiding
or staying perfectly still and waiting,
but just for yourself or say that a lot, if you'd like to, what do
you feel more like in this moment?
Now, what do you want, but what is your on a body level?
What does your body feel more like?
What does it want to do?
Does it want to be close to someone, be close to a pet?
Does it want to look inward with curiosity?
Does it want to run away?
Does it want to avoid something?
Does it want to hide?
Does it want to throw?
Does it want to hit?
Does it want to yell?
Does it want to scream?
Does it want to tear apart the room
or collapse and shut?
No, don't use the word shut down, collapse and hide and be in dark.
What is the flavor of what you're going through?
What -not- doesn't have to be exact, but just, it feels more like.
This thing and the other thing.
So if you can identify that, then that tells me you've gotten a step closer to
just feeling whatever state you're in.
Eventually we can feel deeper into that and feel the, uh, the
underlying sensations of of your state, let's take us one step further.
Um, I'm going to push all of you.
Don't don't share it, but I want to encourage you to identify what state
you're in not at least the dominant state.
It's possible to have a mixture of these different states, but I want
to encourage you to identify the dominant state that you are are in.
Okay?
Before we wrap it up here, I'm gonna take it 1 step further.
If you feel more like hugging and connecting, and if you feel more
like smiling or being with a pet or being alone with yourself and
sipping on tea and smiling, you're probably in your safety state.
Okay.
Congratulations.
If you are feeling more like running away, avoiding something, avoiding
responsibility, if you feel like you're in danger, it's probably flight
that's a, it could be a flight thing.
If you're feeling more aggressive, you want to yell, you want to
dominate, you want to feel angry, um, that's probably more fight.
If you feel tense, if you feel frozen, if you feel like screaming, if you
feel like panicking or rageful, or like destroying a room, that's probably
more like, or destroying a space, that's probably more like freeze.
And then if you feel like collapsing and darkness and being alone, that's
probably more like shut down, okay?
No one is actually doing any of those things, but you might, your system might
be flavored by one of those things.
So, identify your, just your most dominant state if you can.
The next step would be, how can you tell that you have that state?
How does, what does it feel like?
What do you feel inside of yourself that tells you that you have that state?
And you don't have to do it out loud, but that, that's the question is no matter
what state you're in, how do you know?
Is it based on what you want?
Is it based on what your body needs?
Or is it based on an overwhelming emotion that you're noticing?
Are you noticing a part of your body that's more active than others?
I guess that would be actually the next step, next question is.
So how can you tell what state you're in?
How do you know?
And where does it live in your body?
That'd be the next step, maybe.
Where do you feel that?
Where do you most feel that?
Is it all over, like a blanket?
Is it in your stomach?
Uh, does your chest feel something more than the rest of your body?
Do you feel tension in your neck or shoulders?
Do you feel, are your legs bouncing with anxiousness?
So, yeah, how do you, how can you tell what you feel and where do you feel it?
And this is as far as we'll take it.
But if you can notice what you feel, where you feel it, the
emotions of it, like, that's great.
Do the priority of safety.
So, uh, for right now, if you notice some defensive activation, just let
it be there because it already is.
So just let it be there, validate it.
Maybe you can normalize it, but just let it be there.
And I would encourage everyone to prioritize anchoring in safety.
Just do something that feels generally good.
All right?
Use one of the Building Safety Anchor practices, get the right environment, do
some sort of movement, have music on just whatever it is that helps you to sort
of anchor a little bit more into safety.
Thank you so much for joining me on Stuck Not Broken.
I hope this episode has helped you to connect with yourself a little bit more.
Take a moment and ask yourself the same questions from the episode.
What are you feeling emotionally and how can you tell?
What is the experience of that emotion in your body?
Take a moment to reflect or even journal about it if you can.
I've created a free resource for you in the Member Center.
It's the SSIEC table and it'll help you build language to connect your
polyvagal state with various emotions, impulses, sensations, and cognitions.
You can access this plus more resources and even a free course by becoming a
free member of the Stucknaut Collective.
Head on over to JustinLMFT.com/members, or just follow the link in the description.
Bye.