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One question we don't ask enough is how
do I feel on like an emotional level?

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Another question that we absolutely
probably never ask is how can I tell?

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Your emotions and the underlying
sensations of those emotions are directly

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connected to your polyvagal state.

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I want to help you connect with those
inner experiences so that you can develop

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more mindfulness and self compassion.

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Hi, I'm Justin Sunseri.

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I'm a therapist and coach who
helps you live with more calm,

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confidence, and connection
without psychobabble or woo woo.

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Welcome to Stuck Not Broken.

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What you're about to hear is a clip
from an open Q& A from within the

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Stuck Not Collective community.

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A member asked how to tell if their
safety state is strengthening.

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And this is where the conversation went.

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As a reminder, the podcast is not therapy,
nor is it a replacement for therapy.

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The polyvagal stuff is we can feel it.

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We can feel it as it happens.

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We can notice that as it happens.

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If we're mindful enough, if we can,
if we're conscious enough of what's

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happening internally, we can feel it.

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It's a, it's a physical process.

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It's not emotions and things aren't
these like spiritual things lingering

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within us that have no tangible, you
know, like there's no concreteness.

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Like these are concrete things.

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Um, emotions are just our conscious
experience of what's happening internally.

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it's, it's physical, it's real.

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Part of, um, UDS, the third phase,
the third course, part of that

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is it teaches you how to feel
them, how to, how to mindfully,

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compassionately feel these things.

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Before your safety states developed,
it's probably feels like it's all over

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place and out of control and maybe
even random, but as you strengthen

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your safety state, then you'll be able
to mindfully consciously feel these,

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uh, emotions within you, but you'll
feel them for, you know, as emotion,

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maybe, but underneath that emotion is.

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Some sort of a sensation.

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So what that means is if I ask you, like,
when's the last time you felt, we'll

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say happy or joy or something like that.

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I don't care.

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Anger.

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It doesn't matter.

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But if I ask you to, when's the
last time you felt X, you might

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say, Oh, I felt it last week.

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And my question would be, well,
how do you know you felt it?

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How do you know you felt happiness?

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How do you know you felt anger?

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And the way you know that
is because you feel it.

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And so there's a way to describe
what's happening within you.

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So you would describe like
my anger felt like whatever.

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X, Y, and Z.

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My sadness felt like,
you know, X, Y, and Z.

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So there's a conscious, tangible
level we can get to with these things.

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And beyond just labeling them as
sad, or angry, or happy, or whatever.

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There's, there's, we can
describe these experiences.

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Because they are, they are there's
something happening within us.

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There's, there's a felt, uh,
experience of these things.

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So as you, as we all shift up and
down the polyvagal ladder, we can, we

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can feel those shifts taking place,
uh, as they're happening, uh, after

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they've happened the next day, we
might be able to think back and say,

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Oh yeah, there was this moment where I
shifted and thinking back on it, I can.

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I can, you can feel it again, or I
can describe what I went through.

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But yeah, as we go up and down the ladder
throughout the day, we, we will, we can,

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we have the capacity to notice those,
those shifts, uh, even right now, even

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though you might not be actively shifting,
you're in some sort of state, all of

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us are in some sort of state right now.

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And we can, we can feel that.

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Take a moment for yourself.

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Actually, I'll ask you a real
simple question, everybody.

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You don't have to share if you
don't want to, just for yourself.

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Right now in this moment, do you feel more
like hugging somebody, uh, running away,

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hitting something or hiding

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or staying perfectly still and waiting,

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but just for yourself or say that
a lot, if you'd like to, what do

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you feel more like in this moment?

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Now, what do you want, but
what is your on a body level?

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What does your body feel more like?

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What does it want to do?

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Does it want to be close to
someone, be close to a pet?

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Does it want to look
inward with curiosity?

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Does it want to run away?

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Does it want to avoid something?

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Does it want to hide?

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Does it want to throw?

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Does it want to hit?

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Does it want to yell?

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Does it want to scream?

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Does it want to tear apart the room

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or collapse and shut?

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No, don't use the word shut down,
collapse and hide and be in dark.

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What is the flavor of
what you're going through?

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What -not- doesn't have to be
exact, but just, it feels more like.

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This thing and the other thing.

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So if you can identify that, then that
tells me you've gotten a step closer to

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just feeling whatever state you're in.

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Eventually we can feel deeper
into that and feel the, uh, the

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underlying sensations of of your
state, let's take us one step further.

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Um, I'm going to push all of you.

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Don't don't share it, but I want to
encourage you to identify what state

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you're in not at least the dominant state.

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It's possible to have a mixture of
these different states, but I want

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to encourage you to identify the
dominant state that you are are in.

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Okay?

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Before we wrap it up here, I'm
gonna take it 1 step further.

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If you feel more like hugging and
connecting, and if you feel more

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like smiling or being with a pet
or being alone with yourself and

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sipping on tea and smiling, you're
probably in your safety state.

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Okay.

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Congratulations.

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If you are feeling more like running
away, avoiding something, avoiding

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responsibility, if you feel like
you're in danger, it's probably flight

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that's a, it could be a flight thing.

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If you're feeling more aggressive,
you want to yell, you want to

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dominate, you want to feel angry,
um, that's probably more fight.

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If you feel tense, if you feel frozen,
if you feel like screaming, if you

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feel like panicking or rageful, or
like destroying a room, that's probably

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more like, or destroying a space,
that's probably more like freeze.

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And then if you feel like collapsing
and darkness and being alone, that's

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probably more like shut down, okay?

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No one is actually doing any of those
things, but you might, your system might

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be flavored by one of those things.

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So, identify your, just your
most dominant state if you can.

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The next step would be, how can
you tell that you have that state?

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How does, what does it feel like?

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What do you feel inside of yourself
that tells you that you have that state?

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And you don't have to do it out loud, but
that, that's the question is no matter

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what state you're in, how do you know?

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Is it based on what you want?

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Is it based on what your body needs?

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Or is it based on an overwhelming
emotion that you're noticing?

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Are you noticing a part of your
body that's more active than others?

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I guess that would be actually
the next step, next question is.

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So how can you tell what state you're in?

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How do you know?

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And where does it live in your body?

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That'd be the next step, maybe.

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Where do you feel that?

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Where do you most feel that?

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Is it all over, like a blanket?

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Is it in your stomach?

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Uh, does your chest feel something
more than the rest of your body?

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Do you feel tension in
your neck or shoulders?

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Do you feel, are your legs
bouncing with anxiousness?

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So, yeah, how do you, how can you tell
what you feel and where do you feel it?

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And this is as far as we'll take it.

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But if you can notice what you
feel, where you feel it, the

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emotions of it, like, that's great.

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Do the priority of safety.

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So, uh, for right now, if you notice
some defensive activation, just let

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it be there because it already is.

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So just let it be there, validate it.

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Maybe you can normalize it,
but just let it be there.

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And I would encourage everyone to
prioritize anchoring in safety.

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Just do something that
feels generally good.

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All right?

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Use one of the Building Safety Anchor
practices, get the right environment, do

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some sort of movement, have music on just
whatever it is that helps you to sort

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of anchor a little bit more into safety.

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Thank you so much for joining
me on Stuck Not Broken.

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I hope this episode has helped you to
connect with yourself a little bit more.

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Take a moment and ask yourself the
same questions from the episode.

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What are you feeling emotionally
and how can you tell?

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What is the experience of
that emotion in your body?

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Take a moment to reflect or even
journal about it if you can.

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I've created a free resource
for you in the Member Center.

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It's the SSIEC table and it'll help
you build language to connect your

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polyvagal state with various emotions,
impulses, sensations, and cognitions.

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You can access this plus more resources
and even a free course by becoming a

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free member of the Stucknaut Collective.

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Head on over to JustinLMFT.com/members, or
just follow the link in the description.

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Bye.