Mark: [00:00:00] Welcome back friends through our podcast, Unlocking Your World of Creativity, and we really focus on this word unlocking because so many of us have ideas. We're inspired, we think about new and different things to work on, but we need to stay motivated. We need to also gain the confidence and often the connections and collaborations to get our work out into the world, and that'll be one of the things we talk with our guest today.

We're also going talk about how to unlock some of our thinking and approaches as we work on our creative projects. So my guest is Claudia Noriega Bernstein. Claudia, welcome to the show.

Claudia: Hi. I'm so happy to be in the show with you. And before I say anything, I need to congratulate you for your 200 episodes.

And I was thinking about that last week and I said, I don't care. I'm gonna be late, but I'm gonna congratulate him. .

Mark: Well, thank you so much. , it's all about persistence and, you know a [00:01:00] lot about that, so we'll talk about that again, I'm sure. Claudia is an artist, a writer, a philanthropist, a life coach but also, Wife, all the roles that we fulfill in life.

There's so many of those that we're balancing. Her career is also included being a journalist for magazines and TV in South America and in the us and we're stamping our creative passport today to talk to Claudia in Las Vegas, Nevada. So Claudia, let's start with the title of one of your latest books.

Brighter Days. Yeah I think that's not only an optimistic view of the world, but I mean, we're all looking for brighter. In this contentious world that we live in, tell us about what this brighter days means to.

Claudia: Indeed we are all looking for brighter days, and I think we gotta start with brighter moments because my dad used to say to me, happiness is not a constant state.

It's a bunch of little moments. And when you have all those little moments and you are a happy person, [00:02:00] if you have more sad moments or angry moments or depressing moments, then you have to look for those bright moments in your life to create that. So brighter days is, as I always say, a work of love.

I did it, I wrote it for my daughters pretty much. And I was so overwhelmed with the way a lot of people received it because I think it's so authentic and so transparent in so many ways, and. I mean, every outer has a different way of writing. I tell my stories, how I see them, how I feel them.

I don't put makeup on them. I don't try to make them perfect. There is no perfect children. There is no perfect mothers. There is no perfect nothing we are in this journey to learn. So when I wrote that book I wrote it for them to remember different times of our life, but always with light at the [00:03:00] end of the tunnel.

I, I got divorced when my youngest one was 11 months. So it was, it, it was a hard road. My, my ex-husband passed away. Three years is gonna be this year, and at the beginning he wasn't very happy with anymore. So he wasn't very much on board. But I had my boundaries, and we'll talk about boundaries because I feel that it's so important in relationships.

But at the end, I mean the last 10, 15 years more, or even 20 years, we managed to have a very Awesome relationship ? Yes. Sometimes I thought he forgot I wasn't married to him anymore and he texting,

Mark: Hey God. Yeah. What about this, It's interesting you say that you wrote this towards and for your daughters because in sharing some of your wisdom and life lessons, did, did you have in mind that these stories you were going to compile would all have a.

Or a what would you say, a learning that you [00:04:00] wanted to pass on? Or did you just wanna share the stories? Both.

Claudia: I think when you are a coach, your family usually says, Don't coach me

Mark: Yeah. There you go. Again, being the motivational speaker, my husband

Claudia: said that to me two days ago. Don't scold me . Okay. And I'm not, but we are wired this way, ? So we try to find a positive outlook on, on every situation. We try to see the bright side of every day. And sometimes people react in different ways.

So then when I will go and say Well, this didn't work this way, but it's gonna work this way, so let's hope or for this, this and that. And then he will look at me and he goes, Don't coach me . But I, I truly feel in my heart that when things doesn't go the way we want, , it's because there is a lesson there.

What we resist persists and we are [00:05:00] very stubborn about it, and we keep doing the same thing, looking for a different result. Mm-hmm. , so I didn't look for my purpose was, and I'm gonna coach everybody and I'm gonna give everybody a lesson. Mm-hmm. My my goal was to tell a story.

Different stories and see what anybody can rescue out of those stories. See if every somebody maybe is going through the same thing and doesn't see that outcome as a possibility. So that's the reason why I pretty much did it.

Mark: Yes. Well, and I love the piece of the subtitle about confidence, resilience, and courage.

Again, these are all traits and not just personality traits, but I mean, sometimes we have to force ourselves to be confident, put ourselves out there in resilience, how do you see these three descriptors, these three adjectives or traits coming together? Confidence does breed courage, et cetera.

Claudia: I think that everything starts with. [00:06:00] As you have to first know who you are. And when I coach my clients I, I am an abundance coach, so my focus is in giving them the tools they need to find the abundance in their life. But we need to take a step back and figure out who this person is, what this person wants, what are their beliefs, and then start from there.

Building. Who that person is meant to be. Mm. Because those limited beliefs, we carry them and we are attached to them because that's what is familiar to us. So what we do is I'm gonna, if, let's say, this is kind of silly but for example, I remember one time my, my family's very sarcastic. We're Latins, we're very sarcastic so

One time my mom said to me Be careful with your nose. It's the only pretty thing you have and in for anybody else, would it be a joke, but when you are a kid and [00:07:00] somebody said that to you, that is somebody that is protecting you is your parents. It's somebody on top of you. That belief stays in your head.

So when I was in school, I didn't wanna be in sports that would hit my face because oh my God, God forbid I ruin my nose and it's the only beautiful thing I have in my face. You know what I'm saying? So we carry those things and when I work with my clients, I help them build different pillars.

The real, the. Killers that they should have in their life to create that person that they're meant to be. And that's where the courage come. That's where the resilience come because you fall and you get up, you that yourself and you keep on going, ? So one come next to the other one, .

The first, first one has to be the willingness to acknowledge who you are, what those beliefs are, and the willingness to work on that and, and, [00:08:00] and accept your responsibility. Mm-hmm. on those beliefs. I, if, if somebody comes to me and tell me you are an idiot, and I choose to believe that I am an idiot, it's not that person's fault, that's their opinion.

It's me giving my power away to that person and allowing that person to describe

Mark: who I am. Yeah. Letting that get in. Yes. . Well, and Claudia part of the World of Creativity theme is also to help us all learn from the cultural upbringings and the life experiences of our guests. And so as a Latin X woman what, what is some of the things that you're describing in terms of confidence and resilience and courage that we might learn from your cultural upbringing?

Claudia: I come from a culture with a lot of taboos and there are a lot of things that we don't talk when we are kids. [00:09:00] Respect is a huge part of our our lives in and for me was, I think Cultural shock when I came to this country because people are very casual and my country, they are not like that.

So even now when I hear my, I have an adult, I have adult kids, so if one of my kids will brush me off, it's not that I'm gonna be offended, but that's not the way I raise you. You do not talk to me like that. I am your mother and you can be 26, 27, 30. I don't care. , Even in heaven, we have hierarchies.

Okay, . So respect is a huge part of my upbringing and I carry that with me and I give it to the other person that I'm talking to, although I'm interacting with, or I'm having a relationship with, and I expect to receive it back. And that's where the, the breakage, sometimes [00:10:00] it, if I, I may say that happens.

We are not in control of what the other person is going to do, and we immediately assume that because we are given it, we are entitled to receive it. and doesn't work that way. So it has been a lot of adapting to different cultures. And this is what I love to interact with people from other parts of the world because you learn so much, not only to accept other people, but you learn so much about you, about myself, meaning.

What are the triggers? Why is this bothering me? What are parts of my life that I still have to work on? But everything comes back to me is, and at the beginning I was talking about boundaries. When we go to a museum, for example, and they put that red rope, it's not to protect. The rest of the people is to protect [00:11:00] whatever is behind that growth.

So when we do that with ourselves, we are protecting ourself and we need to be brave enough to know when to say, No, I'm not accepting this behavior. I am not comfortable with this behavior. So that red rope will be in front of us and we will be this precious thing that we have to. From everybody else.

Mm-hmm. . So those boundaries are not to teach people how to behave. Those boundaries are to teach people how to treat us. I

Mark: love that visual metaphor and it really paints us very strong picture of the value of that painting or the value of that sculpture and the rope is meant to say, Hey, this is a very valuable piece of artwork.

Keep your distance. Do not touch, . Exactly. Look, but do not deface. Yes. Yes. And what? And we should, and we should consider [00:12:00] ourselves valuable. I like that. The

Claudia: top of the list. Mm-hmm. , we should be the most valuable thing. We have. The same way that we should be our best friend, the same thing, the same way that we should be our biggest cheerleader.

It should always starts with us. And oftentimes, especially when you. From families or upbringings where you didn't feel that you were value or you were protected, or you were loved, or you were acknowledged, then you look for those validations somewhere else and you forget who you are. Yes. And you start moving your boundaries because you start shrinking to fit.

And that's, I don't know if you saw, but that's the name of my journal. It was so important to me. Teach or share or give the tools that every woman, men, and children, because I have three different [00:13:00] journals, but the one for women is I don't shrink to feed to give them those tools so they don't move those boundaries.

Mm-hmm. . They don't go and say, Well I need to feel love and this person is not exactly what I'm looking for, but he does A, B, C, and D and I'm gonna be in this relationship because that's how I want to feel. I wanna feel that I am loved. But then you are, you are looking for that affirmations somewhere.

When they should come from you, from their reflection in the mirror for, from the person that talks to you in your head. But first you have to have a serious conversation with those voices because those voices have all those limited beliefs that we've been carrying on since we were little, and those beliefs are not true.

Mm-hmm. , those beliefs are perceptions of somebody else, of ourselves, and there's gonna be people, when you put those [00:14:00] boundaries that are gonna say who she thinks she is, . How dare she, And maybe they're gonna go away and maybe they won't wanna have anything to do with you, but that's okay because whoever loves you should love who you are, completely not with conditions.

I'm gonna love you if you're a vegetarian, but then you don't love me. I mean, I am a vegetarian, but I'm saying You don't love me. Right.

Mark: And without those conditions. Mm-hmm. .

Claudia: Mm-hmm. , Yeah. The version of myself that you think I should be, and why would I give you my power Yes. Of who I am supposed to be?

Who I, who I want to be so strong.

Mark: Well, listener to my guest is Claudia Noriega Bernstein. We're talking about her book Brighter Days and some of the themes and topics in this book. Well, I wanted to also then Claudia, talk about the creative process behind the book and how you began to organize your stories and, and put them together as an [00:15:00] author.

I mean, it does say there's 80. Important lessons that you've learned in life. But I'm sure you didn't start with, let me make a list of 88 lessons. No. So , tell us a little bit, give us a glimpse behind the typewriter. .

Claudia: I'm gonna tell you the very short version. I was writing a parenting book. When people ask me, What, what do you do?

I always say, I'm a mom. I do a lot of other things. I wear a lot of other hats, but I'm a mom, so. I wanted to write a parenting book and we went on vacation with my husband to Miami. My computer crashed and. Half of my book got deleted. So I was like, I'm not writing anymore. I don't wanna know anything about this.

Forget it. This wasn't meant to be we look for signs everywhere, to convince ourself that that's that's exactly

Mark: right. Confirmation .

Claudia: But then, yeah, but then we, we went a sounding board. But then Covid happens [00:16:00] and As I said it earlier, there are no coincidences. I have one of my nephews staying in Vegas.

He was stuck here pretty much, and one thing lead to another one, and he was a publisher. And he said to me, Why don't we write your put your book together. You have all these notes. And I said, Because I don't know if I'm ready for that. And da, da, da, da, da. , but I like to do many things at the same time.

So I had a bunch of little stories that I thought one day I was gonna share with my daughters, and that's it. And he says, Well, why don't you write it? Why don't you put it together? You have stuff in Instagram that you write, you have stuff in your website. Why don't we put 'em. and then see what comes out of it.

So 88 wasn't a number that I had in my head from the beginning. It was just what we end up with. And once I had all my stories, I tried to put 'em chronologically, but then halfway through I said, You [00:17:00] know what? This should be just different stories. This should be different situations, and some are funny, some are serious.

I talk about death, I talk about being a single mother, relationships in divorce things that I experience with my daughter. Sometimes they're my teachers I, I learn with them every single day and, and it is such a joy I mean, sometimes, Miss them when they were little. I was saying that to my sister-in-law yesterday.

Not only because I loved my kids little and all the things that we did everything else, but when your kids are little, you can protect them. You can, you can have that bubble, they look at you like you are the best thing that ever happened in your life. , you have all the answers But when you have adult children, it is different.

But you don't stop being a mom. You don't stop worrying when they're driving. You don't stop wearing when they're in a party. You don't stop saying Don't [00:18:00] text when you drive. You don't stop doing those things. But they are adults now, so the relationships change and, and, and I don't know, for me has been such a amazing journey and I wanted to share that.

I wanted people to see. What happened in a normal life. .

Mark: That's right. Yeah. And it's normal. Well, and you're describing, I wanted to ask you specifically about one of the themes, and that is forgiveness. Claudia as we go through life and even careers we change jobs and we look back and sometimes we do have these regrets.

And we wish we would've said something different or we wish we would've closed the conversation or ended the relationship in a different way. What, what can you share with us about forgiveness? For me,

Claudia: see, it always has been a gift that, a gift to myself when I forgive somebody, I am doing it for me often.

people do things to you and they don't [00:19:00] even know they did it. Mm-hmm. . So here you are feeling heard and upset and waiting for that apology and hoping that that person is gonna come and tell you, Yes, I hurt you. I'm sorry. ? And that might never happen. You might stay. Waiting for that for years, and maybe after 10 years you'll meet that person and you have an attitude, right?

Because you're hurt for 10 years. Something that you did to me when we were in college and the person goes, Oh my God, I had no idea. Or maybe that person will never call you because he really think everything that he says about you, you never know. But I think for forgiveness is some something that you give to yourself.

And yes, we can look back and say to ourselves, Maybe I should have handled that situation differently. But there is nothing you can do about it. Now for that situation, what you can do moving forward is either. Call [00:20:00] for an apology, like if you were the aggressor or the person that did something. So you have, you can have peace with yourself.

If you are not able to do that, then learn from that situation so you don't repeat it. I, I have something back that says it's okay to make mistakes. Yeah, don't make the same mistake twice. Learn from it Appreciate that life is giving you another opportunity with maybe similar circumstances where you can be your higher self, your better self, and do something that might change the outcome of a situation that is.

Very similar to something that happens to you before. That is when when we have done something to somebody else, but when somebody does something to us, it's really a healing process that we have to go through. But never give your power away. Never give how you are going to feel, Be up to somebody.

You [00:21:00] choose how you wanna feel. I used to tell my kids, If you are walking in the street and somebody scream horror, are you gonna turn around and say here? No. Right? So why are you gonna accept opinions or things that other people are saying and allow those things to hurt you? You have to always take in consideration.

We say in it where it's coming from. Why is saying that? What was the journey of that person and not own it, not not take it with you, because those are their journeys and their opinions and the way they feel based on their own insecurities, fears, and circumstances has absolutely nothing to do with you.

And I'm not saying this is easy. Believe me, I get. The same way as every other human. I'm not the the Lala la I get hurt and I mean, I get hurt. I, That's what happened last [00:22:00] week when we were gonna meet last week, and it didn't happen. I had two very emotional situations last week. One, we had to put our cat down after 18 years and seeing my girls around.

Little princess. It was heartbreaking and I was not in a good place emotionally. And then I have a disagreement with one of my daughters that just threw me through a loop. Everything that I learn in paper sometimes goes to the toilet. Mm-hmm. , because I am human and I am gonna let my emotions take over.

And that moment I am gonna feel terrible. And, and, and, and that moment we feel there's nothing else we can do. And you know what a good cry is great, but after that you have to shift and you have to say, That's not who I am. And I know that. [00:23:00] And maybe she was angry and she didn't mean it, and she's gonna come back I was going through all that stuff and then I was supposed to have a chat with you and I was thinking to myself, I'm not emotionally where I need to be to share everything that I'm feeling.

And then something happen and we move it for this week. And then looking back, I'm like, You know what? Good. Because that give me the time to heal. And I, as we said before, we have to put ourself as a priority. We have to think, I need to take care of myself. I need to heal first, and then I can have a conversation with you, and then I can have a relationship with somebody.

Mm-hmm. . And then I can decide if I wanna have this career, of this career. But if you are not in your core, and if you are not aligned with yourself and with your pillars and not [00:24:00] with the limited belief that you've been carrying on for all these years, then you're not. You're just not ready.

Mark: Yeah. So strong.

Well, thanks for sharing that. I mean, these are these principles and actions we, we don't just talk about them and write about them sooner or later. It does come up in life and we ha challenge ourselves to practice them, don't we? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So powerful. Well, listeners, my guest has been Claudia Noriega Bernstein.

Claudia, I can't thank you enough for a wonderful conversation and thanks for sharing this book with us and the world brighter.

Claudia: Thank you so much for having me. This was a pleasure. I was so looking forward to talk to you. You're such an Abe person and I, I have listened to a lot of your podcasts and I love the way you empower your guests.

Really. You're doing an amazing job. Well, thank

Mark: you. I, I do consider these things a call to action, so it's like we don't publish these books just to tell the stories to our own families sometimes But really to share them and call us to action to [00:25:00] say these, Life lessons that you can apply in these challenging and often difficult times.

Claudia: Yes, absolutely. And I always. To everybody that is going to a difficult time to journal if, if. If you are not able to buy my journals, grab a piece of paper and write what you feel and then come back and read it and see if you still feel that way and see what lesson you can get out of it. Because it certainly had helped me for many, many, many years and I think it's an amazing.

to get out of the funk, Especially

Mark: with your, Yeah, definitely. Well, and not only, a lot of people say writing these journals are first thing in the morning. You get the energy and the flow, but it's also, isn't it interesting to go back, I don't know, a year, five years, and you pull a journal off the shelf and you go, Wow, that's what I was dealing with.

And either you say, Great. I overcame it. Or I guess that was really no big deal after all I thought it was so important five years ago, but really wasn't. It didn't [00:26:00] matter. Yeah.

Claudia: it didn't matter at all. And I, I keep saying that to my girls. One day you're gonna look back at this and you're gonna say, Did I lose sleep thinking about this?

Mark: Yes. Listeners, I hope you've enjoyed this conversation as much as I have. Claudia Noriega Bernstein. You can find her on LinkedIn and her book website is brighter days book.com. Yes. Well, let's continue our worldwide journey. Come back again. Next time we'll be stamping our passport

to learn from another creator, how they get inspired, how they organize their ideas, as we've discussed today, to get 'em into a book, but then ultimately gain the confidence and the connections to launch our work out into the world. And that's what it's all. So until next time, I'm Mark Stinson and we're unlocking your world of creativity.

Bye for now.