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welcome to the Elevated Edit podcast

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I'm your host likely Ramsey

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and the goal of this podcast is to discuss all things

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personal development wellness

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and the art of editing your life in an elevated way

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from mastering morning routines

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to mastering your mindset

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we're going to sift through the noise

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and empower you to take elevated action

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make sure you catch the show notes for all the details

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enjoy the show

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episode is all about empowerment

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healing and finding strength through trauma

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I am beyond excited to introduce today's guests

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Elizabeth Jones or Beth as we'll call her

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she's the best selling author

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speaker and the incredible mind

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behind becoming an empowered survivor

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you two can heal from trauma and abuse

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with over 30 years of experience in forensic accounting

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and a lifetime dedicated to hearing

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death's journey from survivor to empowered survivor

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is nothing short of inspiring

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you guys this episode is packed with powerful insights

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on how to heal and grow through adversity

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you don't wanna miss a single moment Beth

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welcome to the show

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I would love to start off with

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diving into your personal story

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and I would love if you would

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talk a little bit about your personal

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and professional transformation

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yeah um

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so my story really is about both

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personal and professional transformation

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um I became an advocate for healing

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and advocate relief for trauma

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abuse survivors that journey started in earnest

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well that journey started when I was very young

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um the first time that I was abused as a young child

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um but becoming the healing advocate

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becoming healing mentor which is the work that I do now

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that jury really began an artist

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about four years ago

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I had a life altering experience that I went through

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a single event

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that radically transformed the trajectory of my life

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and literally the person who I was

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the moment it was hypnotherapy session that I had

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and when I walked into the hypnotherapist office

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I went in as one person

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and that person never walked out

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an entirely different person came out of there

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and I had to go on in find that person

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and that's been

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the personal transformation that I've been through

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is understanding myself and has having been a victim

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but really

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more understanding the way that I lived myself

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live my life in survivorship

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and a lot of that was not in some great ways

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what I refer to as my unhealthy survivorship

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and then recognizing that and learning a lot

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of those things about myself

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put me on this healing pathway that LED me to heal

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and that's really what my story is about is healing

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and that's what I focus on

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that's what I work with people mostly about

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and that's my message is that you too

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can heal from your trauma abuse

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so along with that personal transformation

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um to become the empowered survivor

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I have had a career change as well

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so as you mentioned in the opening

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I was a forensic accountant for many years of my career

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and for Almost 30 years I did a counting related work

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in 20 of those years I was doing white color crime

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crime and fraud investigations

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for the companies that had

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various allegations that they were

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dealing with I don't do that anymore

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that's behind me

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and I don't know that I'm ever going back to that

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and now my

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my work is entirely about spreading my healing message

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and being a healing mentor

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wow that is actually fascinating to hear

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was there anything in particular

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that triggered you to go to this hypnotherapy session

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was there a longing

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or you felt like something was missing

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or I guess I'm asking

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was there anything that happened specifically

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that caused you

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or made you want to go to this hypnotherapy session

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so yes

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there was something that happened

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and it's interesting that you use the word

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longing in your question to me

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and I'll come back to that

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the reason that I went to hypnotherapy is

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I had had a shift in my role

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in the work that I was doing previously

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so for many years a lot of the work that I did

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was very focused on a project

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a particular issue that was being investigated

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in my work was

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to help Martinium and her clients

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to get through the investigative process

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to get the answers that we need

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and it was very project focus

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and I did I did have interactions with people

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but I was really probably 75 or 80% of the time

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focused on the investigative process itself

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and doing that work my new role was a leadership role

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where I had responsibility for a fairly large team

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across Asia I was living in Hong Kong at the time

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and that

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the new role meant that I was gonna have to connect in

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deeper relationships with my team

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but also with our clients

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and I was feeling constrained

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like I was feeling really nervous about that

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so I'm talking to my medical doctor one day about this

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and she's like oh

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well we have this hypnotherapist on staff here

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and maybe she can help you

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it's the kind of

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therapy that you would do if you wanna quit smoking

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or lose weight right

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so I go in thinking oh it's something you know

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pretty simple and I'm going to focus on relationships

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and of course I mean it's just you know

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tell people it was it was my time to heal and it was um

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the gateway that God the universe

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provided to me to get on that pathway and to start

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so that's why I went to him not there

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but I had no idea

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I'm gonna literally had no idea what was gonna happen

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I didn't know about any of this that was was to come

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the longing part that you mentioned

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so you know one of the things that I talked about

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and I might jump a little bit

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and what I think we're gonna talk about

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but for me

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the word heal is what I call an action pact acronym

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that means to hope evolve and love

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and part of the evolving is evolving

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the healing tools that are available to us

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for anyone who wants to heal right

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in each one of us experiences unique trauma and abuse

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we have unique ways in which we survive

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and then live our lives as a result of that

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which means that we need

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unique ways of engaging with those

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healing modalities that's what I work with people on

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is adapting them for their personal situation

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and how they need to heal

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and therapy is one of mine

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that I have evolved over time

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and so before the hypnotherapy

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for probably 25 years before that

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I had like this inmate urge inside of me to get help

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and so I went to a lot of individual therapy

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and I went to some

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couples therapy with my husband back then

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and um

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I never never got the help that I needed right

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and so I I'm in the office

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and I'm in the offices with

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these two are sitting on their couches weekend

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week out and I'm exhibiting

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what I would consider to be very obvious

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until somebody who is distressed

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so almost every session that I sat in

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I just cried uncontrollably

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I would just

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I would just talk about whatever was happening

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and I would just cry and cry and cry

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nobody ever said to me oh wow

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that's really interesting

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I wonder if we should dig into that

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and try to figure out why it is

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that's how you behave

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every single time you're in my office

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so there was something there

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something is not right and I tried to get help

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but I was just never with

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the right people that could help me

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and I you know

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part of that I think

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is because I didn't know what I was dealing with

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and I didn't have vocabulary

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to be able to describe what I would learn years later

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and that was part of it but

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you know I

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I'm also not sure that

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some of those therapists that I worked with

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rational trauma therapist

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which is what I ended up engaging with

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to really advance in my healing after the hypnotherapy

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I'm sitting here

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nodding my head at so many things that you're saying

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and I think so

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many people are gonna be able to resonate with this

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because I don't think a lot of people

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set out with the intent to

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necessarily start a hearing journey

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they kind of stumble into something that

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force like not forces them

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but leads them to their healing journey

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and I feel like that's the situation that happened with

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you

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and I also love that she mentioned that your vocabulary

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um like

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your vocabulary

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allowed you to put some of your trauma into words

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and to verbalize things

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because I think that's so important

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and especially when it comes to awareness oh

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girl I I totally agree

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it was so powerful for me

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in fact

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one of the most powerful things because you know

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that like feeling like weird and strange about it

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you know my situation was that for years before

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I discovered very technical words

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that smart people have developed to label

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what it is that we can describe

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I could literally say to you the definition

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or the concept that goes with those words

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now when I was explaining what I was experiencing

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but I I had no idea there was an actual word for it

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and then actually happened because I was a survivor

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I had no idea and when I discovered that

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like reading knowledge for me was huge

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and it did

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you're right when you said that like it made it smaller

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it did but what I really took a lot of comfort was like

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I'm not crazy first of all

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and I'm not alone right

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until people I mean

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that's what sucks about this

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because it's great because you're like oh

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I'm not alone and there's so many of us

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they study us and they write about us and they get it

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labels to the way we behave

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it sucks that there are so many of us

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that they write about it

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and label what we do and how we behave right

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but there was so much um

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comfort in that right

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I mean that was massive for me

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yeah that is

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it's sad honestly

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that there are so many people that

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probably feel the same way

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but I am thankful that you are

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you know doing something about it

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and you are putting your messaging out there

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and your healing

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and hope that you are kind of giving to the world

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um so that brings us to our next topic

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and this is what I've been excited to talk to you about

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always I would love for you to talk about the process

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of riding becoming an empowered survivor

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I would love for you to just talk

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all about that journey yeah

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um that's a great

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it's like a story within a story

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um and it

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I was actually just talking to

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one of my long time friends

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one of my fraternity sister

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so good at the college how long I've known this

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we were talking about it today because it's a great

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story that we have um together

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but um

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she's a master storyteller that's her profession today

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so she was a journalist for a long time

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telling stories in the journalistic world

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and she was like oh

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I can really get people to tell their stories

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00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,900

and so now that's what she does and she's really

287

00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:11,833

really good at that storytelling process

288

00:11:11,833 --> 00:11:13,233

and helping people with that

289

00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:14,300

and I you know

290

00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:17,533

we like sandwich we were we know each other from um

291

00:11:17,733 --> 00:11:20,800

from college and our fraternity and you know

292

00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,366

as you do when you know people that line

293

00:11:22,366 --> 00:11:23,800

you kind of separate from them in

294

00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,366

you know with a with social media

295

00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:26,800

that's how we keep up with each other

296

00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,566

when we're sort of disconnected right

297

00:11:28,566 --> 00:11:31,700

and um after I'd gone through I don't know

298

00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:34,933

probably about 9 months of the really intensive

299

00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,166

intensive and focused part of my healing journey

300

00:11:37,166 --> 00:11:38,200

after the hypnotherapy

301

00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,100

I was in deep despair and really not in good place

302

00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,233

because I don't know who I am

303

00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:48,000

but I and I done a lot of work to really heal myself um

304

00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,533

and I started like

305

00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:51,900

having like these ceilings inside of me

306

00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,700

that there was power in my story

307

00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,800

and power in what was happening to me

308

00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:58,400

and I told some people in the early days of that

309

00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,700

I was like I would say I'm gonna find my voice

310

00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:02,566

not an interesting story about progressing around

311

00:12:02,566 --> 00:12:03,600

finding my voice

312

00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,033

and reading a book called Finding My Voice Right

313

00:12:06,033 --> 00:12:07,866

so it's like this progression I've been on

314

00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:11,233

but about 9 months after I was in that process

315

00:12:11,233 --> 00:12:15,100

and this woman's name is April Adams Pertwee

316

00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,100

so April starts showing up

317

00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,166

she and her organization called Light Beamers

318

00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:20,533

are showing up in my Facebook feed

319

00:12:20,533 --> 00:12:22,833

like on a very regular basis right

320

00:12:22,833 --> 00:12:25,033

and I'm like I start noticing and of course

321

00:12:25,033 --> 00:12:27,100

as you do right when you're getting signs

322

00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,566

you know you're being LED down a path

323

00:12:28,566 --> 00:12:30,700

as I am being LED down a path

324

00:12:30,766 --> 00:12:32,100

I'm paying attention to it

325

00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:32,600

and I'm

326

00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,366

recognizing and understanding what it is that she does

327

00:12:35,366 --> 00:12:36,600

now somebody who I know right

328

00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,733

and there's comfort in that because I know you already

329

00:12:38,733 --> 00:12:41,633

those that are relationship or poor that's there

330

00:12:42,033 --> 00:12:43,666

and so um

331

00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,766

about three months after that

332

00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,100

I just reached out to her one day and I was like hey

333

00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,900

I'm coming to the US to visit

334

00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,733

and I think I wanna spend some time with you

335

00:12:51,733 --> 00:12:53,100

and I have this

336

00:12:53,166 --> 00:12:56,500

this stuff inside of me that I wanna talk to you about

337

00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:57,900

and what am I gonna do with it right

338

00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:02,533

and so um I spent a day with her and at the time

339

00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:04,733

you know still trying to I mean

340

00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:06,366

I'm still learning about me

341

00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:07,366

and what I was going through

342

00:13:07,366 --> 00:13:09,933

are still very intensive in the healing process

343

00:13:10,033 --> 00:13:12,133

and and so what was coming out of me

344

00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:14,000

as she describes them were puzzle pieces

345

00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:14,900

and it was literally like

346

00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,100

I took the box of 2,000 puzzle pieces

347

00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:18,966

and just dumped it on the table and said

348

00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:21,733

what do we do with this literally what I did

349

00:13:21,966 --> 00:13:23,133

um and

350

00:13:23,133 --> 00:13:23,733

you know she's

351

00:13:23,733 --> 00:13:25,366

because she's as skilled as she is

352

00:13:25,366 --> 00:13:26,600

and she's taking all of that

353

00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,633

and we came out with this great story

354

00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,000

art that she's drawn for me

355

00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,100

and this is how it goes together

356

00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,166

she's teaching me all this stuff

357

00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:34,933

then about starting to be able to tell my story

358

00:13:35,633 --> 00:13:37,500

she's also um

359

00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:40,000

in the process of putting out the second

360

00:13:40,033 --> 00:13:42,200

or getting ready to start writing a second book

361

00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,200

in a three book series

362

00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,700

that are all collaborative books

363

00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:45,700

and so each

364

00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,566

it's all written that have written in the books

365

00:13:47,566 --> 00:13:49,133

and each one of us has our own chapter

366

00:13:49,133 --> 00:13:50,166

that we've written in this books

367

00:13:50,166 --> 00:13:53,300

and the book that she was about to begin was a book

368

00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,300

is a book called Step Into Your Brave

369

00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:56,500

and um

370

00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:57,366

so she's of course

371

00:13:57,366 --> 00:13:58,100

she's like oh

372

00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:58,733

like she's like

373

00:13:58,733 --> 00:14:01,100

you've got to tell this story in this book

374

00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,200

it's made for this book and I went on to do that

375

00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,833

and so about a year later

376

00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:09,400

and in October 2022 that book published

377

00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,200

and it's when I call now

378

00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,766

like the cliffnote version of my story

379

00:14:11,766 --> 00:14:13,866

cause it was a chapter and it's where I was

380

00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:15,000

you know I was only

381

00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,733

probably 14 or 15 months into the hearing process

382

00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:19,000

when I wrote that chapter

383

00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:19,333

so it was

384

00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:22,133

only how far I had evolved at that point in time

385

00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:24,600

and what I had Learned

386

00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,633

that book comes out and I was like

387

00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,200

oh one and done

388

00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,900

I am never writing again right

389

00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:32,633

and I tell people I might kill myself

390

00:14:32,633 --> 00:14:33,500

like this is like

391

00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:33,533

I've Learned the lesson never say never

392

00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:37,133

like 25 times in my life

393

00:14:37,133 --> 00:14:38,533

and this was one of those times

394

00:14:38,533 --> 00:14:40,500

you know when I Learned that lesson

395

00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:46,733

and so I continued to moving forward and and I began

396

00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:49,633

you know to see more and more the power of my story

397

00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:53,766

and I knew that I was destined to do more with

398

00:14:53,766 --> 00:14:54,900

with it and it was just kind of like

399

00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:56,400

this growing feeling inside of me

400

00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,600

I knew it was coming

401

00:14:58,566 --> 00:15:00,533

um so the

402

00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,166

the big step toward writing the book now

403

00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:04,333

becoming a power survivor

404

00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,166

that actually started with a conversation about

405

00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,600

with my therapist my trauma therapist

406

00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,000

and she was thinking my brain

407

00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:10,566

about

408

00:15:10,566 --> 00:15:13,133

how my brain thought about the concept of forgiveness

409

00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:15,966

so we are working with her for a long time

410

00:15:15,966 --> 00:15:17,800

and have made a lot of progress with her

411

00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,566

and I think I'm like you know

412

00:15:19,566 --> 00:15:21,533

I'm her patient and she helps me to heal

413

00:15:21,533 --> 00:15:22,500

but I think she's also like

414

00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,366

what is going on of their rights

415

00:15:24,366 --> 00:15:26,700

or she's curious about what happening up your rights

416

00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,833

for her own learning

417

00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,700

so that's what we were talking about

418

00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,000

and that sent me to um

419

00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,533

do some research on the books that are available

420

00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,566

ruin forgiveness and I really was um

421

00:15:37,566 --> 00:15:38,633

dissatisfied

422

00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:41,800

with the results of that research that I was doing so

423

00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:42,366

you know there were

424

00:15:42,366 --> 00:15:43,166

there were

425

00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:45,000

there were three major

426

00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,833

categories of concept that were being advanced by

427

00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:50,300

the majority of the books that I looked at

428

00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:51,333

when I went through that

429

00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:54,100

and none of those concepts already experienced

430

00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:56,033

that I've had at all and I was like wow

431

00:15:56,033 --> 00:15:59,166

no wonder people are confused about this whole concept

432

00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:02,400

right because this wasn't at all what I had experienced

433

00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,033

and the other thing that I noticed is that

434

00:16:04,033 --> 00:16:05,933

a lot of those books um

435

00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,066

when I looked at them visually

436

00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,966

they felt dark and having to me

437

00:16:09,966 --> 00:16:12,433

so the covers of them were not light

438

00:16:12,433 --> 00:16:14,200

and engaging and hopeful right

439

00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,800

and where I had come to by that point

440

00:16:16,966 --> 00:16:18,633

this is just over a year ago

441

00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:20,833

I mean I'm thriving in my life right

442

00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:21,366

so for me

443

00:16:21,366 --> 00:16:24,800

healing is about joy and bribing life and finding love

444

00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,600

and getting rid of all that baggage that we carry

445

00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,433

because of what other people did to us right

446

00:16:28,433 --> 00:16:31,500

so ending my suffering I was in that place already

447

00:16:31,733 --> 00:16:34,666

and I didn't see that in any of the books that I was

448

00:16:34,733 --> 00:16:36,733

looking at and so that

449

00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:39,033

you know set my green into processing

450

00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:40,600

because I was supposed to write this book right

451

00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,166

and thinking about what what is it then for me

452

00:16:43,166 --> 00:16:44,733

it's not really forgiveness for me

453

00:16:44,733 --> 00:16:45,766

but like what has it been

454

00:16:45,766 --> 00:16:47,333

and it's letting go is what I call him

455

00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:49,833

let go of the hard constraining

456

00:16:50,133 --> 00:16:52,966

emotions that hurtful relationships have had over me

457

00:16:52,966 --> 00:16:54,400

right I healed the relationship

458

00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,233

enough to where I just let go of it

459

00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:58,766

and that has freed me right into that letting go

460

00:16:58,766 --> 00:17:00,100

I suppose some people would think

461

00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,100

that's equivalent of forgiveness right

462

00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:04,533

the way I would I would describe it

463

00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:05,700

um and so

464

00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:09,033

you know I had all these ideas about um

465

00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,000

what I would put in a book

466

00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,100

and I started interviewing

467

00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,333

some people to help me through

468

00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,400

the coaching process

469

00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,333

and deciding to self publish

470

00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:17,800

and all that type of thing

471

00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,166

and I end up hiring someone

472

00:17:19,166 --> 00:17:21,133

who's taking me through that entire journey

473

00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:22,333

of getting the book

474

00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,000

writtens

475

00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,933

and writing plan and accountability and all of that

476

00:17:24,933 --> 00:17:26,633

and in the whole publishing process

477

00:17:26,633 --> 00:17:27,966

and now a whole book lunch process

478

00:17:27,966 --> 00:17:30,866

which is a whole different project in and of itself

479

00:17:31,233 --> 00:17:33,400

the pivotal thing that happened during that though

480

00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,433

and it's been you know

481

00:17:34,433 --> 00:17:36,133

some one year ago so we're recording

482

00:17:36,133 --> 00:17:37,933

it's September 17th that were recording

483

00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:42,100

and the 14th on Saturday was the one year anniversary

484

00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,833

um of the death of my aunt

485

00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,300

and she um

486

00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,766

is pivotal in the whole story

487

00:17:48,766 --> 00:17:49,733

about how I

488

00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:52,300

got to the point of embarking on my healing journey

489

00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,233

because

490

00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,333

and she was abused herself

491

00:17:56,566 --> 00:17:58,966

for most of her childhood by her father

492

00:17:58,966 --> 00:18:02,466

my grandfather who's the same person who abused me

493

00:18:02,566 --> 00:18:04,233

when I was a very young child

494

00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:06,933

and started the whole journey for me

495

00:18:06,933 --> 00:18:09,166

of experiencing trauma and abuse

496

00:18:09,166 --> 00:18:10,700

that's where it started with him

497

00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:12,200

she um

498

00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,033

passed away and I um

499

00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,500

was very sad about that because um it

500

00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:19,300

501

00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:21,900

yeah I felt sad about that

502

00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:24,933

because I knew she never had the opportunity to heal

503

00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,800

and so um

504

00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:27,766

I made the decision

505

00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:30,300

I knew that day that I was going to write the book

506

00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,100

and I knew that I was writing it for her

507

00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:35,133

and so it's dedicated to her and her honorary memory

508

00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:37,933

her but it's also dedicated to every other from

509

00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,100

and survivor out there

510

00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,233

who's never had the opportunity to heal

511

00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,100

wow that is really such a powerful testimony

512

00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:48,400

I am so glad that you're not only on the podcasts today

513

00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,033

speaking to my listenership

514

00:18:50,033 --> 00:18:52,366

but also that you have written this book

515

00:18:52,366 --> 00:18:55,033

and I I think I told you before the show

516

00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:56,633

but I cannot wait to

517

00:18:56,933 --> 00:18:59,700

get my hands on a copy when it comes out

518

00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:02,800

and read this book and I'm going to encourage um

519

00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,300

all of my audience to do the same as well

520

00:19:05,533 --> 00:19:07,133

um before I got on

521

00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:10,233

we talked a little bit about your heel framework

522

00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,966

and I would love if you would go through that

523

00:19:11,966 --> 00:19:12,833

that's an acronym

524

00:19:12,833 --> 00:19:14,033

I would love if you would get through that

525

00:19:14,033 --> 00:19:14,733

and kind of

526

00:19:14,733 --> 00:19:17,133

explain to us what that framework looks like

527

00:19:17,366 --> 00:19:18,233

okay sure

528

00:19:18,233 --> 00:19:19,933

so this this is the the

529

00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:20,700

the framework

530

00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,700

I've now decided that's what we call these things

531

00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:23,833

is a framework um

532

00:19:23,833 --> 00:19:27,700

where I work with people on the healing process

533

00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,633

so it's mentions kind of an action pact acronym for me

534

00:19:30,633 --> 00:19:32,800

when I think about how evolving in love

535

00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,233

I think about it in terms of action and taking action

536

00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:36,600

because if you want change in your life

537

00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,800

you have to do something about it right

538

00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:38,866

you actually have to

539

00:19:39,033 --> 00:19:41,500

you actually have to engage with the process

540

00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:42,833

and so um

541

00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,300

that's what heal means for me

542

00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:44,800

and you know

543

00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,166

hope is my age and heal

544

00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:49,633

because that's really the fuel that sustains us

545

00:19:49,633 --> 00:19:51,466

through the healing journey

546

00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,333

and in particular when times get hard and they do

547

00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:55,933

I'm not I'm not gonna sugarcoat it

548

00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:59,066

there are parts of the healing journey that are painful

549

00:19:59,233 --> 00:20:01,166

um but I know from my own experience

550

00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:02,433

that you can get through them

551

00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:05,900

and hope is really what has sustained me through that

552

00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:08,333

I'm naturally hopeful um

553

00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,100

can the glasses three quarters full kind of girls

554

00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,000

when I would I would tell you I am

555

00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:13,933

but I have lost my health

556

00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:14,033

you know

557

00:20:14,033 --> 00:20:16,433

I mean that when I woke up from hypnotherapy session

558

00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:19,433

I was like I have no idea who I am

559

00:20:19,433 --> 00:20:22,133

and I was already in a state of despair

560

00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:24,833

and pretty quickly fell into sense of hopelessness

561

00:20:24,833 --> 00:20:25,800

that I don't you know

562

00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,433

the whole 50 years of my life at that point

563

00:20:28,533 --> 00:20:32,133

suddenly seemed like a lie to me and um

564

00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:32,833

you know I mean

565

00:20:32,833 --> 00:20:33,433

I came to realize

566

00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,233

it was just fun to masks that I was wearing

567

00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:37,066

that were covering up who I was

568

00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,133

but there was a sense of hopelessness in that moment

569

00:20:41,133 --> 00:20:43,166

and for a period of time after that

570

00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,766

until I you know

571

00:20:44,766 --> 00:20:46,300

went through some events and really

572

00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:47,733

the knowledge that we just talked about writing

573

00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:52,200

seeing you're getting those words and I'm not alone

574

00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,233

I was seeing other people who were healing

575

00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:55,366

in those books sounds like well

576

00:20:55,366 --> 00:20:56,700

they can do it I can do it right

577

00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:59,166

and that is what gave me my hope back

578

00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,100

and I think that's important in all of us

579

00:21:01,766 --> 00:21:02,766

all of us when we're healing

580

00:21:02,766 --> 00:21:03,033

is that

581

00:21:03,033 --> 00:21:06,066

even when we're in that place of feeling hopeless

582

00:21:06,233 --> 00:21:11,566

that we look for and find a way to get our hope back

583

00:21:11,566 --> 00:21:14,433

because it's really important in the human process

584

00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:18,500

and evolving is I think about it in two parts

585

00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:21,333

and I touched a little bit already on evolving

586

00:21:21,333 --> 00:21:23,400

the healing tools that are available to us why

587

00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,133

and I talked about how I've done that in therapy

588

00:21:25,133 --> 00:21:26,766

and there are other ways um

589

00:21:26,766 --> 00:21:27,933

that I've evolved

590

00:21:28,133 --> 00:21:30,500

a number of the healing tools that I've used to work

591

00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:33,533

specifically for me and

592

00:21:33,533 --> 00:21:35,400

and then the other the other part of the

593

00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,200

evolving is the self discovery piece

594

00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:37,800

and this is

595

00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,466

obviously where the healing can get really hard

596

00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,766

because it requires you to really dig in

597

00:21:42,766 --> 00:21:44,200

and for someone like me

598

00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,933

where you have these beliefs that you've told yourself

599

00:21:46,933 --> 00:21:49,433

about who you are and they aren't really true at all

600

00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:50,533

you just kind of you know

601

00:21:50,533 --> 00:21:52,400

you're just kind of covering yourself up

602

00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:53,900

right to survive

603

00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:56,100

it's a lot of deep work to dig in

604

00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:58,133

you know and it's where I discovered um

605

00:21:58,133 --> 00:22:01,033

a lot of what I know about my trial

606

00:22:01,033 --> 00:22:02,400

and abuse that I've been through

607

00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,233

I endored some additional trauma

608

00:22:04,233 --> 00:22:05,166

going through the process

609

00:22:05,166 --> 00:22:08,433

I got divorced as a result of the healing process

610

00:22:08,433 --> 00:22:09,466

and my marriage

611

00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:13,633

it was a casualty of the process I was going through

612

00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:14,766

and I understand why

613

00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:17,233

and that was a relationship that I needed to heal

614

00:22:17,233 --> 00:22:18,233

and I've done that

615

00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:21,000

I've gone through that process to where I could let go

616

00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,600

but still have compassion and empathy for my ex husband

617

00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,200

and human being the person that he is

618

00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,466

also a survivor

619

00:22:29,166 --> 00:22:30,033

and you know

620

00:22:30,033 --> 00:22:30,966

so that you know

621

00:22:30,966 --> 00:22:33,533

that was hard work to identify and experience

622

00:22:33,533 --> 00:22:34,233

more trauma

623

00:22:34,233 --> 00:22:36,633

going through the process of understanding that

624

00:22:36,733 --> 00:22:39,500

and I did own all of my own behaviors

625

00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:41,100

and my own health and survivorship

626

00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:43,400

and realize that a lot of the things that I was doing

627

00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,500

a lot of the ways that I lived my life

628

00:22:45,566 --> 00:22:47,233

I'm more by my own doing now

629

00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:50,000

it was because of what other people had done to me

630

00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,800

that I was effectively creating my own suffering

631

00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,066

it was in response to be hurt

632

00:22:55,366 --> 00:22:57,733

that I was I was doing it to myself

633

00:22:57,733 --> 00:22:59,233

the vast majority of it right

634

00:22:59,233 --> 00:23:00,533

you know so um

635

00:23:00,533 --> 00:23:02,200

some some of mine um

636

00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,733

are like autumn

637

00:23:03,766 --> 00:23:06,700

automatic responses that I don't actively engage in

638

00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:07,700

you know but like I wanted

639

00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:10,033

the things that I did was to exile my entire family

640

00:23:10,033 --> 00:23:12,200

and all of my friends for a number of years

641

00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,466

I took those actions on my own

642

00:23:14,533 --> 00:23:17,066

and there are reasons why I did it yes

643

00:23:17,366 --> 00:23:19,566

it was all grounded in survivorship

644

00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:20,933

but I took those actions right

645

00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:22,766

and so I needed to to own those

646

00:23:22,766 --> 00:23:25,533

and do something different with a lot of those actions

647

00:23:25,533 --> 00:23:27,000

in the way that I was living

648

00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,100

and it you know

649

00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:29,966

it but it's also um

650

00:23:29,966 --> 00:23:32,500

you know I think a really important part of

651

00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:37,000

of the self discovery piece is to find the good in us

652

00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,433

because like I had a nasty inner critic

653

00:23:39,433 --> 00:23:40,900

and a lot of us do

654

00:23:40,900 --> 00:23:42,500

who go through those types of things

655

00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:43,300

and for me

656

00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:46,600

the inner critic is just that noise in our head

657

00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,733

and the awful things that we see ourselves

658

00:23:48,733 --> 00:23:51,966

and tell ourselves and so I call the wretched abuser

659

00:23:51,966 --> 00:23:53,366

the worst abuser that's out there

660

00:23:53,366 --> 00:23:55,033

because I'm doing it to myself

661

00:23:55,366 --> 00:23:57,200

um that

662

00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,766

you know that can be hard to overcome that

663

00:23:59,766 --> 00:24:01,400

and one of the ways that I did that

664

00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,233

was to really focus on my strengths

665

00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:04,933

and my gifts like so

666

00:24:04,933 --> 00:24:06,100

you know that was hard work for me

667

00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:06,933

I mean I'll be honest with

668

00:24:06,933 --> 00:24:10,233

the hardest work that I did was to spotlight myself

669

00:24:10,233 --> 00:24:13,500

and say what are the great things about me right

670

00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:14,600

and it's hard for

671

00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,833

like me and those who've been through that type of

672

00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:21,033

those types of events it's hard to do that

673

00:24:21,033 --> 00:24:22,500

you look at yourself that way

674

00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:23,900

and then that you know

675

00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:26,300

that LED me this the last piece of self discovery

676

00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:28,733

really was about understanding my life's true purpose

677

00:24:28,733 --> 00:24:30,466

which is to be a healing mentor

678

00:24:30,733 --> 00:24:33,633

and ironically for me in order to do that work

679

00:24:33,633 --> 00:24:35,233

that means I had to go on the healing journey

680

00:24:35,233 --> 00:24:37,166

which meant that I had to have survived

681

00:24:37,166 --> 00:24:38,900

cause that's what I healed from

682

00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:40,833

and I had to be a victim at some point in time right

683

00:24:40,833 --> 00:24:42,500

and so there's 50 years of

684

00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:44,966

I was actually living my life's purpose

685

00:24:44,966 --> 00:24:46,166

but I didn't know it right

686

00:24:46,166 --> 00:24:48,566

because my real work now

687

00:24:48,566 --> 00:24:50,033

and my purpose was to have gone through all but that

688

00:24:50,533 --> 00:24:53,400

so I can now talk to people about how to get past that

689

00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,700

right and so

690

00:24:55,700 --> 00:24:56,566

you know all of that

691

00:24:56,566 --> 00:24:58,633

you know for me was wonderful to discover

692

00:24:58,633 --> 00:24:59,166

so that you know

693

00:24:59,166 --> 00:25:03,166

that's really what they eat evolving is about and heal

694

00:25:03,166 --> 00:25:04,766

and then last piece for me is love

695

00:25:04,766 --> 00:25:06,366

and it's about learning to love

696

00:25:06,366 --> 00:25:08,366

and what that actually means

697

00:25:08,366 --> 00:25:09,733

and when I began that process

698

00:25:09,733 --> 00:25:12,633

I think as many of us do we focus on romantic love

699

00:25:12,633 --> 00:25:13,933

right that's our partner

700

00:25:13,933 --> 00:25:16,266

our spouse that's where we think it should come from

701

00:25:16,433 --> 00:25:19,133

and I've had an interesting journey with that

702

00:25:19,366 --> 00:25:21,766

particular source of lab itself

703

00:25:21,766 --> 00:25:23,133

and quite got it right yet

704

00:25:23,166 --> 00:25:26,133

working on it but I'm not quite hearing yet um

705

00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:28,566

it's still kind of some funny stories about that

706

00:25:28,566 --> 00:25:31,000

and since I've gone back into the dating world

707

00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,000

and interesting and

708

00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:33,966

but I you know

709

00:25:33,966 --> 00:25:34,833

I Learned that you know

710

00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,533

one of the main sources of love

711

00:25:36,533 --> 00:25:39,533

that I really had some strong lessons about self love

712

00:25:39,766 --> 00:25:41,300

and you know

713

00:25:41,333 --> 00:25:44,166

knowing that you know at least for me now in my life

714

00:25:44,166 --> 00:25:44,633

self love

715

00:25:44,633 --> 00:25:46,700

pretty much drives every decision that I make

716

00:25:46,700 --> 00:25:49,366

and I operate from that place first right

717

00:25:49,366 --> 00:25:51,900

so what is happening in my life

718

00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:53,766

or the decision like reaching the direction

719

00:25:53,766 --> 00:25:56,233

going to have to be for my highest and best good

720

00:25:56,233 --> 00:25:58,166

on the divine LED path that I want

721

00:25:58,166 --> 00:25:59,933

and I really seek that out

722

00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:02,566

but that self love and you know

723

00:26:02,566 --> 00:26:05,133

the lesson I had some some education

724

00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:05,833

universe

725

00:26:05,833 --> 00:26:08,233

was heavily involved in making sure I got that lesson

726

00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,433

not it was painful

727

00:26:09,433 --> 00:26:11,333

and there are things for family to learn that lesson

728

00:26:11,333 --> 00:26:13,733

but I did you know in the nice you know

729

00:26:13,733 --> 00:26:15,400

I mentioned already dealing with

730

00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:16,533

some of the hurtful

731

00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,133

relationships that I had in my life

732

00:26:18,133 --> 00:26:20,100

had to go through the process of healing all of those

733

00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:22,233

and there is an element of love in that

734

00:26:22,233 --> 00:26:24,000

because I'm even you

735

00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,700

that is me trying to engage in love

736

00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:29,666

the getting and receiving of love

737

00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,133

in a way that helps to heal those relationships

738

00:26:32,133 --> 00:26:34,300

and that was all about healing it for me

739

00:26:34,433 --> 00:26:35,700

um you know

740

00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:36,600

and I you know

741

00:26:36,700 --> 00:26:37,600

you know my parents

742

00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,433

for example I know they benefited from that

743

00:26:40,433 --> 00:26:42,133

because they're now back in my life

744

00:26:42,133 --> 00:26:42,400

which is

745

00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,733

one of the great stories about what I've been through

746

00:26:44,733 --> 00:26:48,100

is making the active choice to exile them

747

00:26:48,100 --> 00:26:51,100

for number of years that because of my healing journey

748

00:26:51,100 --> 00:26:52,833

wanting to reclaim them back into my life

749

00:26:52,833 --> 00:26:53,966

and I've done that now right

750

00:26:53,966 --> 00:26:55,866

and so and I'd be on mention my

751

00:26:55,900 --> 00:26:57,900

my ex husband already about healing

752

00:26:58,166 --> 00:26:59,433

and that relationship

753

00:26:59,433 --> 00:27:02,733

but then I explore also where we get love from

754

00:27:02,733 --> 00:27:04,800

healthy relationships that we have in our lives

755

00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:05,833

but we might not

756

00:27:05,833 --> 00:27:08,733

see it as somebody demonstrating love for us

757

00:27:08,733 --> 00:27:11,600

or an opportunity for us to get back in a loving way

758

00:27:11,633 --> 00:27:12,633

to those people right

759

00:27:12,633 --> 00:27:13,633

in those you know

760

00:27:13,633 --> 00:27:15,633

those come in you know relationships

761

00:27:15,633 --> 00:27:16,500

um you know

762

00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:18,633

brought some old friends that I'd exiled

763

00:27:18,633 --> 00:27:19,600

back into my life

764

00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,166

and new friends that have helped me through my process

765

00:27:22,166 --> 00:27:23,533

through in my tribe

766

00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,700

some of my former colleagues and former clients

767

00:27:27,033 --> 00:27:29,933

I'd experienced and relationships with them

768

00:27:29,933 --> 00:27:32,566

that I would put under that learning of love category

769

00:27:32,566 --> 00:27:35,533

and exchange of support for one another

770

00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:36,700

and then you know

771

00:27:36,700 --> 00:27:37,733

Chris mentors and mentees

772

00:27:37,733 --> 00:27:39,700

which I have some really great experiences

773

00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:41,400

talking to people and they help me

774

00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:42,600

as much as I help them right

775

00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,733

though those are all sources of love

776

00:27:44,733 --> 00:27:47,000

and I think about I think about the sources of love

777

00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:47,733

really

778

00:27:47,733 --> 00:27:50,233

how do we get the emotional needs that each of us have

779

00:27:50,233 --> 00:27:52,700

how do we get those met in whole or in part

780

00:27:52,700 --> 00:27:54,500

and each of those types of relationships

781

00:27:54,500 --> 00:27:55,800

that I just talked about

782

00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,966

have the ability to help me get my um

783

00:27:58,966 --> 00:28:01,000

emotional needs right

784

00:28:02,133 --> 00:28:04,533

wow that is powerful stuff right there

785

00:28:04,533 --> 00:28:07,166

a lot of powerful words I love that

786

00:28:07,166 --> 00:28:09,100

everything that you talk about

787

00:28:09,100 --> 00:28:11,600

gives power back through action

788

00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,500

so it's no longer you know

789

00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:15,166

just sitting in that victimhood

790

00:28:15,166 --> 00:28:16,033

yes it is

791

00:28:16,033 --> 00:28:18,333

you know acknowledging that you are a victim

792

00:28:18,333 --> 00:28:20,433

but it also kind of gives you a little bit of hope

793

00:28:20,433 --> 00:28:23,166

because you it does give you something tangible

794

00:28:23,166 --> 00:28:24,900

that you can work on it gives you

795

00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:26,033

you know that power bat

796

00:28:26,033 --> 00:28:28,800

it provides that hope and bat empowerment

797

00:28:28,933 --> 00:28:29,800

um I would love

798

00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,633

if you would talk about the difficulties

799

00:28:31,633 --> 00:28:32,966

of starting a healing journey

800

00:28:32,966 --> 00:28:34,000

I know for many

801

00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,333

the thought of opening some of those old wounds can

802

00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,300

honestly be really intimidating

803

00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:40,600

so I would love if you would kind of

804

00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:41,833

touch one mat a little bit

805

00:28:41,833 --> 00:28:44,066

and kind of explain what that was like for you

806

00:28:44,433 --> 00:28:45,300

sure so

807

00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:47,766

so the reason that we need to heal

808

00:28:47,766 --> 00:28:49,333

really comes back to the end of heal

809

00:28:49,333 --> 00:28:51,166

for me and when I was just talking about with love

810

00:28:51,166 --> 00:28:51,733

right because

811

00:28:51,733 --> 00:28:53,233

when we are

812

00:28:53,233 --> 00:28:57,133

an actively suffering from what we've experienced

813

00:28:57,133 --> 00:28:59,000

both the events themselves

814

00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,200

the hurtful relationships

815

00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,633

but then also the way that we're living our life

816

00:29:03,033 --> 00:29:06,533

for me what I found is that my heart was closed

817

00:29:06,533 --> 00:29:09,833

I didn't have the ability to engage in those

818

00:29:10,033 --> 00:29:11,500

loving relationships and in fact

819

00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:12,600

if you think about what I said about

820

00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,133

when I went into therapy right

821

00:29:14,133 --> 00:29:15,333

so it was to go

822

00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,233

understand why I can't forge deep relationships

823

00:29:17,233 --> 00:29:18,100

well that was why

824

00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:20,566

and I discovered this massive wall that I lived behind

825

00:29:20,566 --> 00:29:23,033

and I was isolated and alone and lonely

826

00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:24,900

and had I not healed

827

00:29:25,166 --> 00:29:27,566

I probably would have died alone and lonely right

828

00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:31,300

and so I would not be in a place now where I'm facing

829

00:29:31,633 --> 00:29:33,100

literally the last half of my year

830

00:29:33,100 --> 00:29:34,766

I probably am gonna live past 100

831

00:29:34,766 --> 00:29:41,233

so for me to live another 50 years in that state was

832

00:29:41,366 --> 00:29:42,933

frankly became unacceptable to me

833

00:29:42,933 --> 00:29:44,866

once I knew that's what was happening

834

00:29:44,933 --> 00:29:47,000

but that's the reason to heal because we never

835

00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:48,800

we suffer for our entire life

836

00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,733

we never get to thrive we never get to experience joy

837

00:29:52,733 --> 00:29:54,866

and we really never get to love and true

838

00:29:54,900 --> 00:29:58,200

engage and truly loving relationships right

839

00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,566

and that's the reason why we want to heal

840

00:30:00,566 --> 00:30:03,733

we don't want to let what other people have done to us

841

00:30:03,733 --> 00:30:08,833

had done to us keep us from having full joyful lives

842

00:30:08,833 --> 00:30:10,700

loving lives in between thrive right

843

00:30:10,700 --> 00:30:12,200

that's why we do it and I

844

00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,833

I'm a little testament that that's the reason why I do

845

00:30:14,833 --> 00:30:16,500

I promise you that's where you can get to

846

00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:17,933

I've done it you can do it

847

00:30:18,333 --> 00:30:19,366

um you know

848

00:30:19,366 --> 00:30:21,900

the healing process coming back around to that

849

00:30:21,900 --> 00:30:22,100

I mean it

850

00:30:22,100 --> 00:30:24,933

it it does get hard because you

851

00:30:24,933 --> 00:30:25,733

um yeah

852

00:30:25,733 --> 00:30:27,700

you do have to look at some things that are painful

853

00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:29,933

there and they're ugly a lot of times

854

00:30:30,166 --> 00:30:31,566

and I I do agree with you

855

00:30:31,566 --> 00:30:32,833

that people do

856

00:30:33,366 --> 00:30:35,566

have trepidation about stepping on the pathway

857

00:30:35,566 --> 00:30:39,800

because they're afraid of being traumatized further

858

00:30:39,933 --> 00:30:41,333

and triggered

859

00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,966

by learning about things that have happened for them

860

00:30:43,966 --> 00:30:48,600

and I have direct experience with this um

861

00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,200

with respect to trauma therapy

862

00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:51,933

so um

863

00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:54,933

for me I suffer from dissociation

864

00:30:54,933 --> 00:30:56,200

and today I believe it's

865

00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,533

when I'm in a traumatic or abusive situation

866

00:30:58,533 --> 00:31:00,333

I just leave I don't record

867

00:31:00,366 --> 00:31:02,533

and so it's just not there for me

868

00:31:02,533 --> 00:31:04,533

I have the feelings inside of me

869

00:31:04,533 --> 00:31:07,600

and I can very clearly tell you how you made me feel

870

00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,666

but I can't tell you what you did or what I experienced

871

00:31:10,733 --> 00:31:12,366

it caused me to feel that way

872

00:31:12,366 --> 00:31:13,833

it's just not recorded there

873

00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:16,300

but before I came to understand that

874

00:31:16,300 --> 00:31:18,466

that's most likely what's happening to me

875

00:31:18,500 --> 00:31:20,800

um I had this word dissociative amnesia

876

00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,433

and it was one of the words that I found

877

00:31:22,433 --> 00:31:24,133

right that I discovered that could

878

00:31:24,133 --> 00:31:24,633

was helping me

879

00:31:24,633 --> 00:31:26,333

cause I could describe that conceptually

880

00:31:26,333 --> 00:31:28,233

about memory loss and in the past I

881

00:31:28,233 --> 00:31:29,766

would like be very inquisitive

882

00:31:29,766 --> 00:31:31,233

if we were having this conversation

883

00:31:31,233 --> 00:31:33,933

I was super curious about how your brain

884

00:31:33,966 --> 00:31:35,766

worked with respect to memory right

885

00:31:35,766 --> 00:31:37,233

I really wanted to understand that

886

00:31:37,233 --> 00:31:38,800

cause mine didn't work the same way

887

00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:41,533

now I know why and I have this great word dissociation

888

00:31:41,533 --> 00:31:43,466

dissociate dissociative amnesia

889

00:31:43,633 --> 00:31:46,600

so after I discovered that in my inter trauma therapy

890

00:31:46,733 --> 00:31:52,066

I was operating from the presumption that my brain

891

00:31:52,766 --> 00:31:53,933

was just putting

892

00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,433

may have been putting events out of my mind

893

00:31:56,433 --> 00:31:59,533

repressing them putting them into my subconscious mind

894

00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:00,566

trying to protect me

895

00:32:00,566 --> 00:32:02,800

that I didn't really need to know that in my life

896

00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,233

my and so I wanted to honor and respect that frankly

897

00:32:05,233 --> 00:32:07,400

I didn't want it and I told my therapist

898

00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,200

I'm like my brain feels like or things

899

00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:11,400

I don't need to know about this stuff

900

00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:12,733

I don't have a need to know

901

00:32:12,733 --> 00:32:14,766

I know enough about my trauma and abuse

902

00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:16,533

I don't need to know anymore

903

00:32:16,766 --> 00:32:18,133

so I don't wanna go there

904

00:32:18,133 --> 00:32:21,000

and so we had to adapt specific therapy

905

00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,566

modalities that I was using

906

00:32:23,566 --> 00:32:25,933

um so there's one in particular called EMDR

907

00:32:25,933 --> 00:32:29,866

which is eye movement desensitization and processing

908

00:32:29,966 --> 00:32:31,700

and it works the way it works

909

00:32:31,700 --> 00:32:34,533

is on the particular events themselves

910

00:32:34,933 --> 00:32:36,400

and it takes you back to the event

911

00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,400

and then helps you to reprocess the event

912

00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,100

along with the feelings

913

00:32:40,100 --> 00:32:41,800

and the negative eye statements

914

00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:43,433

that get attached to those right

915

00:32:43,433 --> 00:32:45,766

so like this happened to me because I did

916

00:32:45,766 --> 00:32:48,000

something and I'm an awful whatever

917

00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:48,200

you know

918

00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:51,100

whatever we create in our heads about those events

919

00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,133

but for me that was off limits because first

920

00:32:54,133 --> 00:32:56,733

I didn't have the events but I didn't

921

00:32:56,900 --> 00:32:59,566

wanna go finding the events to try to do it right

922

00:32:59,566 --> 00:33:03,333

and so we adapted that and evolved that to where um

923

00:33:03,333 --> 00:33:07,033

I would work real time and so I would

924

00:33:07,100 --> 00:33:09,466

we would pick a particular emotion that I knew

925

00:33:09,700 --> 00:33:11,033

was going back to my past

926

00:33:11,033 --> 00:33:13,400

that I knew I was also experiencing real time

927

00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,600

and so like shame was a good example

928

00:33:15,633 --> 00:33:17,533

and I'd spend five or six weeks before

929

00:33:17,533 --> 00:33:18,600

we would process shame

930

00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,100

and I would gather up what I called my bucket of shame

931

00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:23,900

and every time I felt shame

932

00:33:23,900 --> 00:33:25,633

I would write it down in my journal

933

00:33:25,633 --> 00:33:27,600

I was hyper focused on whatever

934

00:33:27,766 --> 00:33:30,466

the emotion was that I was trying to deal with

935

00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,100

and so I would get enough at my bucket

936

00:33:33,100 --> 00:33:36,633

then we would then go use EMDR and process shame

937

00:33:36,633 --> 00:33:38,733

but we would do it based on the real time event right

938

00:33:38,733 --> 00:33:40,200

and these were abusive or

939

00:33:40,233 --> 00:33:40,833

you know I mean

940

00:33:40,833 --> 00:33:41,800

these work you know

941

00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:42,700

it was things like you know

942

00:33:42,700 --> 00:33:44,566

I mean I would be judgmental about a dress

943

00:33:44,566 --> 00:33:46,200

some woman was wearing that I would

944

00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:46,500

you know

945

00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:49,300

see her passing on an escalator and I would feel

946

00:33:49,300 --> 00:33:50,633

you know judgmental

947

00:33:50,700 --> 00:33:53,833

about what I would put in my head about the dress right

948

00:33:53,833 --> 00:33:55,700

and that would cause me to feel shameful

949

00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:57,233

because I was judging her right

950

00:33:57,233 --> 00:33:58,300

those things like that

951

00:33:58,300 --> 00:34:00,000

that I was experiencing at the time

952

00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,966

and again I was hyper focused on the emotions

953

00:34:01,966 --> 00:34:04,900

so I could identify that and write it down

954

00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,966

and so we would process the current events

955

00:34:06,966 --> 00:34:09,066

the real time events that were happening

956

00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:13,166

and as that happened the entire emotion left me

957

00:34:13,166 --> 00:34:17,233

so everything associated with the past also process now

958

00:34:17,233 --> 00:34:18,166

right and so

959

00:34:18,166 --> 00:34:18,600

Shane

960

00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,600

is one of the very first emotions that I worked on

961

00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,333

in the early days of my trauma therapy work

962

00:34:23,333 --> 00:34:26,600

and I've never experienced shame like that again right

963

00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:27,766

it's just I don't

964

00:34:27,766 --> 00:34:30,500

it's not an emotion I carry with enemy anymore right

965

00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:31,933

so I say that you know

966

00:34:31,933 --> 00:34:32,766

it's a story I tell

967

00:34:32,766 --> 00:34:36,033

to say that I've experienced that fear

968

00:34:36,033 --> 00:34:37,433

I don't want to know anymore

969

00:34:37,433 --> 00:34:38,933

I don't need to know anymore

970

00:34:38,933 --> 00:34:40,366

and I was really nervous about that

971

00:34:40,366 --> 00:34:42,400

like I don't want to trigger anything else that might

972

00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:43,233

be there

973

00:34:43,833 --> 00:34:46,733

but you can work with people who are helping you

974

00:34:46,733 --> 00:34:48,366

to talk to them about that

975

00:34:48,366 --> 00:34:50,033

and help them to adapt

976

00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,000

the modalities that they use to work for you right

977

00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,633

and so I adapted that to uniquely work for me right

978

00:34:56,633 --> 00:34:57,600

so I you know

979

00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:59,700

I that fear is valid

980

00:34:59,700 --> 00:35:02,033

and I totally understand it and I've experienced it

981

00:35:02,033 --> 00:35:05,033

but I also know that there are ways to progress

982

00:35:05,033 --> 00:35:07,833

and healing while managing those fears

983

00:35:07,833 --> 00:35:10,700

and not allowing those fears to become a reality now

984

00:35:10,700 --> 00:35:11,933

I even you did hear me say that

985

00:35:11,933 --> 00:35:13,700

I did experience another trauma

986

00:35:13,733 --> 00:35:15,900

my healing process because I got divorced

987

00:35:15,933 --> 00:35:17,366

which is a trauma right

988

00:35:17,366 --> 00:35:19,100

and so you know it

989

00:35:19,100 --> 00:35:21,766

it does happen but by the time that happened

990

00:35:21,766 --> 00:35:24,033

I was very aware of what I was going through

991

00:35:24,033 --> 00:35:26,200

I knew where I was with that relationship

992

00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,600

I knew I was healing a relationship

993

00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:29,933

and it been painful for me

994

00:35:29,933 --> 00:35:30,900

and so even that is

995

00:35:30,900 --> 00:35:33,300

though that is what we call a trauma for me

996

00:35:33,300 --> 00:35:35,500

I was able to manage it very effectively

997

00:35:35,933 --> 00:35:38,266

because it was a decision that I was making

998

00:35:38,566 --> 00:35:41,066

to continue to advance my hue

999

00:35:42,700 --> 00:35:47,000

wow I know I told you this before we got on the podcast

1000

00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,500

I was excited to read your book before

1001

00:35:49,566 --> 00:35:53,333

but now that I've had a chance to listen to you

1002

00:35:53,366 --> 00:35:56,433

and listen to howl well

1003

00:35:56,433 --> 00:35:59,733

you can articulate not only your thoughts

1004

00:35:59,733 --> 00:36:01,100

but your emotions and feelings

1005

00:36:01,100 --> 00:36:05,400

I am like so excited to purchase the book and read it

1006

00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,166

and probably gonna binge read it um

1007

00:36:07,166 --> 00:36:09,900

in a weekend I would love the rest of the episode

1008

00:36:09,900 --> 00:36:11,333

for you to talk about the book

1009

00:36:11,333 --> 00:36:13,833

um I know it is going to change so many lives

1010

00:36:13,833 --> 00:36:16,100

and I would kinda just talk about

1011

00:36:16,100 --> 00:36:18,366

you know what people can expect from the book

1012

00:36:18,366 --> 00:36:18,900

um cause

1013

00:36:18,900 --> 00:36:20,366

I know so many people are just

1014

00:36:20,366 --> 00:36:22,100

gonna be so excited to purchase this book

1015

00:36:22,100 --> 00:36:24,500

when it comes out I'm delighted to do that

1016

00:36:24,500 --> 00:36:25,133

um so

1017

00:36:25,133 --> 00:36:27,700

so the book is coming out um

1018

00:36:27,700 --> 00:36:30,033

in three weeks I'm not sure when this is gonna air

1019

00:36:30,033 --> 00:36:32,166

but October the 8th is the launch date

1020

00:36:32,166 --> 00:36:34,100

and so it will be um

1021

00:36:34,100 --> 00:36:37,033

available on Amazon initially for a period of time

1022

00:36:37,033 --> 00:36:39,500

so you'll be able to to find it there

1023

00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:40,300

1024

00:36:40,633 --> 00:36:41,900

you can go through my website

1025

00:36:41,900 --> 00:36:44,200

which is empower survivors with an s

1026

00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,033

alien because there are many of us

1027

00:36:46,033 --> 00:36:47,800

and I'm on a mission to make more of us

1028

00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,500

to create more of us coming empowered survivors

1029

00:36:50,833 --> 00:36:52,733

but Empowered Survivors com

1030

00:36:52,733 --> 00:36:53,566

is the website

1031

00:36:53,566 --> 00:36:56,833

where you'll be able to get access to the book anytime

1032

00:36:56,833 --> 00:37:00,466

you can follow me if I'm new social media as well

1033

00:37:01,033 --> 00:37:01,833

you know

1034

00:37:02,500 --> 00:37:04,933

the book is a good news story

1035

00:37:04,933 --> 00:37:07,133

and that's what I want people to know

1036

00:37:07,133 --> 00:37:08,900

it has a happy ending

1037

00:37:08,900 --> 00:37:11,500

and if you can't see that there's a happy ending for me

1038

00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:12,300

right I'm get on

1039

00:37:12,300 --> 00:37:13,166

I'm at my happy

1040

00:37:13,166 --> 00:37:15,800

and you're continuing to live my happy ending

1041

00:37:16,233 --> 00:37:17,933

and that's what I really want

1042

00:37:18,333 --> 00:37:20,966

people to take from the book to know

1043

00:37:20,966 --> 00:37:22,733

I mean the subtitle of the book is

1044

00:37:22,733 --> 00:37:24,700

you 2 can heal from trauma and abuse

1045

00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:25,766

and I truly believe that right

1046

00:37:25,766 --> 00:37:27,833

I'm a living testament to someone

1047

00:37:27,833 --> 00:37:31,533

who has done that work and the book is really meant to

1048

00:37:32,633 --> 00:37:34,833

walk people through my journey

1049

00:37:34,833 --> 00:37:35,633

and you know

1050

00:37:35,633 --> 00:37:37,433

there's a section of it where

1051

00:37:37,433 --> 00:37:38,400

you know as I mentioned them

1052

00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:39,766

if you can talk to people about healing

1053

00:37:39,766 --> 00:37:42,000

so I have to set the state about why you needed to heal

1054

00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,533

so there is you know

1055

00:37:43,533 --> 00:37:46,033

there is some of that in the book um

1056

00:37:46,033 --> 00:37:48,433

you know it's not any kind of salacious detail

1057

00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:49,300

or anything like that

1058

00:37:49,300 --> 00:37:51,200

which I would hope nobody would be looking for that

1059

00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:52,366

but the other set up there

1060

00:37:52,366 --> 00:37:55,133

that you can understand what I experienced um

1061

00:37:55,133 --> 00:37:55,833

in my life

1062

00:37:55,833 --> 00:37:59,333

and then I walk through my experience with the heel

1063

00:37:59,733 --> 00:38:01,966

framework that I just mentioned to you right

1064

00:38:01,966 --> 00:38:02,533

I mean you know

1065

00:38:02,533 --> 00:38:06,100

I live that in real time and then it became it

1066

00:38:06,100 --> 00:38:07,233

I mean it's you

1067

00:38:07,366 --> 00:38:10,033

my life has always been divinely LED

1068

00:38:10,033 --> 00:38:12,500

but the last four years I really can see it

1069

00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:15,533

and I just know the progression that I've been through

1070

00:38:15,533 --> 00:38:17,566

and so I was living to what I can now talk about

1071

00:38:17,566 --> 00:38:19,233

what heal means to hope of all the love right

1072

00:38:19,233 --> 00:38:20,600

I think that's what I was doing

1073

00:38:20,633 --> 00:38:22,100

and that's what the book talks about

1074

00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:22,533

so you know

1075

00:38:22,533 --> 00:38:24,800

it gets into more detail about um

1076

00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,533

the experiences that I've

1077

00:38:26,533 --> 00:38:26,800

you know

1078

00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,133

what happened with the hypnotherapy and the events um

1079

00:38:30,133 --> 00:38:31,933

you know immediately after that

1080

00:38:31,933 --> 00:38:32,733

um you know

1081

00:38:32,733 --> 00:38:34,800

then it goes through my experience with losing my hope

1082

00:38:36,033 --> 00:38:38,000

and how I reignited my resolve

1083

00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,066

and then the different things that I've talked about

1084

00:38:40,433 --> 00:38:41,700

under evolving which

1085

00:38:41,700 --> 00:38:41,933

you know

1086

00:38:41,933 --> 00:38:44,500

there's one of my favorite chapters in the book um

1087

00:38:44,533 --> 00:38:47,100

is a chapter called reframing the Hardest Parts

1088

00:38:47,100 --> 00:38:48,700

and that's the chapter I talked about

1089

00:38:48,700 --> 00:38:51,133

my healing evolution with my grandfather

1090

00:38:51,566 --> 00:38:52,500

and who's the you know

1091

00:38:52,500 --> 00:38:54,933

the first person who set me on this path um

1092

00:38:54,933 --> 00:38:57,533

when I was 5 and um

1093

00:38:57,633 --> 00:38:58,166

you know it's

1094

00:38:58,166 --> 00:39:00,633

it's an interesting process that I've been through

1095

00:39:00,633 --> 00:39:02,133

so he died um

1096

00:39:02,133 --> 00:39:03,200

in 1994 so

1097

00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:03,700

he's dead

1098

00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:06,500

many years before I went through my healing journey

1099

00:39:06,500 --> 00:39:06,700

and so

1100

00:39:06,700 --> 00:39:09,500

I've healed that relationship at a spiritual level

1101

00:39:09,833 --> 00:39:11,533

and so I talk about that right

1102

00:39:11,533 --> 00:39:14,933

and talk about it how that's gone with me

1103

00:39:15,133 --> 00:39:16,433

I mean it's just a cool chapter

1104

00:39:16,433 --> 00:39:18,266

because of what I've experienced

1105

00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:18,833

it's interesting

1106

00:39:18,833 --> 00:39:21,600

cause that that healing process continues and

1107

00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,100

you know I know I feel that relationship

1108

00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:23,833

that this is enough to

1109

00:39:23,833 --> 00:39:25,166

where it doesn't bind me anymore

1110

00:39:25,166 --> 00:39:27,100

it does not hold on it has no power over me

1111

00:39:27,100 --> 00:39:29,900

it hasn't for a number probably 3 years now

1112

00:39:29,900 --> 00:39:33,500

cause it was the first one that I healed um

1113

00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,833

but I've continued more recently

1114

00:39:35,833 --> 00:39:40,733

to have spiritual events happening

1115

00:39:41,033 --> 00:39:43,933

in different types of therapy that I've engaged in

1116

00:39:44,300 --> 00:39:46,433

and which I don't know what you believe about souls

1117

00:39:46,433 --> 00:39:48,033

or what your listeners believe about souls

1118

00:39:48,033 --> 00:39:48,700

but I you know

1119

00:39:48,700 --> 00:39:49,366

I believe that are

1120

00:39:49,366 --> 00:39:51,100

I don't believe that we're one and done

1121

00:39:51,100 --> 00:39:52,600

like I don't believe this form

1122

00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:56,433

your form or my form when this physical form is done

1123

00:39:56,433 --> 00:39:58,100

I don't believe that I'm just extinguished

1124

00:39:58,100 --> 00:39:59,300

or that you're just extinguished

1125

00:39:59,300 --> 00:40:00,833

I don't believe that about any of us

1126

00:40:00,966 --> 00:40:02,100

so that's really

1127

00:40:02,166 --> 00:40:02,333

what

1128

00:40:02,333 --> 00:40:05,700

a lot of my more recent experiences have been about

1129

00:40:05,900 --> 00:40:06,966

you know so that chapter

1130

00:40:06,966 --> 00:40:09,166

but now is where I was

1131

00:40:09,166 --> 00:40:11,100

at the time that I finished writing the book

1132

00:40:11,100 --> 00:40:12,700

I had to draw the line in the sand

1133

00:40:12,700 --> 00:40:15,066

and I've continued to have experiences which are now

1134

00:40:15,100 --> 00:40:16,333

you know I'm writing about those now

1135

00:40:16,333 --> 00:40:17,800

they'll be on my blog

1136

00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,933

which will be available on my website

1137

00:40:19,933 --> 00:40:23,000

once that goes live after the book launches

1138

00:40:23,133 --> 00:40:24,233

um but

1139

00:40:24,233 --> 00:40:24,833

you know so that's my

1140

00:40:24,833 --> 00:40:26,200

that's one of my favorite chapters of the book

1141

00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:27,333

it's in that evolve section

1142

00:40:27,333 --> 00:40:29,100

and then I talk about letting go

1143

00:40:29,100 --> 00:40:31,133

and that process of letting go and concept

1144

00:40:31,133 --> 00:40:33,333

I call mirroring where

1145

00:40:33,333 --> 00:40:36,133

and because I've been able to have Grace for

1146

00:40:36,133 --> 00:40:38,933

an acceptance of myself as a survivor

1147

00:40:39,233 --> 00:40:42,300

I can see that the people in my life who have hurt me

1148

00:40:42,766 --> 00:40:44,600

we're most likely also survivors

1149

00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:48,400

in fact I know that the ones who really hurt me

1150

00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:51,733

all of them except one I know our survivors

1151

00:40:51,733 --> 00:40:54,000

and I don't know enough about that one person

1152

00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,966

to know whether that person is or not

1153

00:40:55,966 --> 00:41:00,600

and maybe he or she may be a survivor too

1154

00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:01,800

and many of us are so

1155

00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,366

I suspect there's probably something there that

1156

00:41:04,366 --> 00:41:06,300

I would probably check a yes on that right

1157

00:41:06,300 --> 00:41:07,333

but I know that for a fact

1158

00:41:07,333 --> 00:41:09,533

about some other people in my life

1159

00:41:09,533 --> 00:41:11,000

and so it's like

1160

00:41:11,166 --> 00:41:14,533

you know I see you and me and I see me and you

1161

00:41:14,533 --> 00:41:16,633

right and so it's this mirroring effect

1162

00:41:16,633 --> 00:41:20,100

and that is what gives me the Grace for acceptance

1163

00:41:20,100 --> 00:41:21,433

of those people

1164

00:41:21,433 --> 00:41:24,800

and I'm able to just let go of any of the

1165

00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,500

of the negative feelings that I would carry

1166

00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:27,900

you know those are feelings like anger and hate

1167

00:41:27,900 --> 00:41:29,166

which you know

1168

00:41:29,166 --> 00:41:29,966

are really

1169

00:41:30,833 --> 00:41:33,200

they really caused us to suffer right

1170

00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:34,566

and it's a terrible place to be

1171

00:41:34,566 --> 00:41:35,866

which is back to you know

1172

00:41:35,933 --> 00:41:37,966

the question about why we need to heal right

1173

00:41:37,966 --> 00:41:40,133

so so I talked about that book and then

1174

00:41:40,133 --> 00:41:43,533

you know I explore what I've been through with my um

1175

00:41:43,700 --> 00:41:45,033

quite a bit more and

1176

00:41:45,033 --> 00:41:45,866

you know I

1177

00:41:46,166 --> 00:41:48,766

you know the relationship with my now ex husband

1178

00:41:48,766 --> 00:41:51,400

there was another man that came into my life

1179

00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:52,300

very quickly

1180

00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,733

and after he did some really wonderful things

1181

00:41:54,733 --> 00:41:56,166

and helping me to advance my healing

1182

00:41:56,166 --> 00:41:58,733

but he's a very sick individual and survivor himself

1183

00:41:58,733 --> 00:42:01,100

and that and with the experience that I had

1184

00:42:01,100 --> 00:42:02,133

actually taught me about self

1185

00:42:02,133 --> 00:42:04,733

love and a few other things that I tell people

1186

00:42:04,733 --> 00:42:06,133

with my remedial relationship

1187

00:42:06,133 --> 00:42:07,966

God was like you didn't quite get it all figured out

1188

00:42:07,966 --> 00:42:10,433

in the first one so I'm gonna give you this one

1189

00:42:11,233 --> 00:42:13,500

my remedial learning relationship is what I got yes

1190

00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:14,900

I've written about that cause it's

1191

00:42:14,900 --> 00:42:16,533

you know some important things that I experience

1192

00:42:16,533 --> 00:42:18,400

in the context of a lot so the

1193

00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:19,800

the book is um raw

1194

00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,333

I mean there's a lot of authenticity there

1195

00:42:22,333 --> 00:42:23,500

um you know

1196

00:42:23,500 --> 00:42:25,900

the only thing that in many cases that change me

1197

00:42:25,900 --> 00:42:27,766

there are a number of people that pseudonyms

1198

00:42:27,766 --> 00:42:28,333

and therefore

1199

00:42:28,333 --> 00:42:29,800

the reason that I would get them pseudonyms

1200

00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:31,300

that I have one sister

1201

00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,100

and my sister is in there by her name

1202

00:42:33,100 --> 00:42:34,833

because why would I give her a different name right

1203

00:42:34,833 --> 00:42:35,933

and she is who she is right

1204

00:42:35,933 --> 00:42:37,200

so um

1205

00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:38,400

you know but beyond that

1206

00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:39,100

I mean it's

1207

00:42:39,100 --> 00:42:40,100

you know for the most part

1208

00:42:40,100 --> 00:42:41,700

it's written um

1209

00:42:41,766 --> 00:42:42,566

you know with

1210

00:42:43,133 --> 00:42:45,266

you know reality and raw

1211

00:42:45,700 --> 00:42:46,700

raw authenticity

1212

00:42:46,700 --> 00:42:50,400

which I think is important in sharing story like this

1213

00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:50,900

you know I mean

1214

00:42:50,900 --> 00:42:53,000

you know mention how you feel about

1215

00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,366

maybe being able to talk about these things

1216

00:42:55,366 --> 00:42:56,733

and engage with people on these things

1217

00:42:56,733 --> 00:42:57,966

and I think you probably could

1218

00:42:57,966 --> 00:43:00,066

I think all of us can do this

1219

00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:01,500

um you know

1220

00:43:01,500 --> 00:43:04,633

and that's just my path is to be very open about it

1221

00:43:04,633 --> 00:43:06,566

and to be able to engage so that that's the kind of

1222

00:43:06,566 --> 00:43:08,900

kind of thing that people will find um

1223

00:43:08,900 --> 00:43:10,100

will find in the book

1224

00:43:10,933 --> 00:43:12,166

yes well

1225

00:43:12,166 --> 00:43:13,566

I have said it so many times

1226

00:43:13,566 --> 00:43:14,566

but I will say it again

1227

00:43:14,566 --> 00:43:16,833

I am so excited for the book to come out

1228

00:43:16,833 --> 00:43:18,833

I think you have such a powerful story

1229

00:43:18,833 --> 00:43:23,233

and I think your language and vocabulary

1230

00:43:23,233 --> 00:43:25,533

and the way you put words together is

1231

00:43:25,533 --> 00:43:27,333

it's just truly wonderful

1232

00:43:27,333 --> 00:43:28,966

and I cannot wait

1233

00:43:28,966 --> 00:43:32,833

I will be sharing all of the things on social media

1234

00:43:32,833 --> 00:43:35,433

I'll be sharing a link to purchase your book

1235

00:43:35,433 --> 00:43:37,333

um and I'll definitely be promoting it to

1236

00:43:37,333 --> 00:43:39,800

all of my audience so hopefully um

1237

00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,500

I get you a couple of book sales out of this uh

1238

00:43:42,500 --> 00:43:44,633

because I think that you know if

1239

00:43:44,633 --> 00:43:46,700

if this book can get enough hands

1240

00:43:46,700 --> 00:43:48,533

it can definitely um

1241

00:43:48,533 --> 00:43:51,300

change some lives so thank you for having

1242

00:43:51,300 --> 00:43:54,200

thank you for coming on to the podcast today

1243

00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:55,733

it was so nice to meet you Beth

1244

00:43:55,733 --> 00:43:56,766

thank you thank you

1245

00:43:56,766 --> 00:43:59,366

I if I can change one life

1246

00:43:59,366 --> 00:44:01,466

I have had tremendous success

1247

00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:11,500

thank you for tuning in to the Elevated Edit podcast

1248

00:44:11,633 --> 00:44:14,300

I hope you found today's episode inspiring

1249

00:44:14,300 --> 00:44:16,266

and full of actionable tips

1250

00:44:16,766 --> 00:44:18,333

don't forget to check out the show notes

1251

00:44:18,333 --> 00:44:21,000

for all the resources and links mentioned

1252

00:44:21,100 --> 00:44:23,933

if you enjoyed the show please subscribe

1253

00:44:23,966 --> 00:44:26,700

leave a review and share it with your friends

1254

00:44:26,966 --> 00:44:29,233

1255

00:44:29,233 --> 00:44:31,600

and inspiration until next time

1256

00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,800

keep growing glowing and elevating your life

1257

00:44:34,966 --> 00:44:35,866

see you soon