1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,130
Maybe you are listening to this in the
car right now, driving home after a 13

2
00:00:04,130 --> 00:00:07,820
hour day, your stomach might be rumbling
'cause you didn't really get lunch

3
00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:10,610
and you've still got a couple of hours
of paperwork waiting for you when you

4
00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:14,150
get in, two people have gone off sick
and tomorrow's already looking worse.

5
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,210
And you are thinking I don't need
anyone else to tell me I'm stressed.

6
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:20,000
I know I'm stressed, I just need
the ,world to give me a break.

7
00:00:20,540 --> 00:00:24,590
And if that's you, I want to say this
very clearly at the start of 2026.

8
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:30,830
This podcast, this episode, is not about
blaming you for not being relaxed enough.

9
00:00:30,945 --> 00:00:35,289
It is about stopping you from
burning out in that pan that's

10
00:00:35,289 --> 00:00:37,419
heating up pretty rapidly.

11
00:00:37,769 --> 00:00:41,579
And those things that turn up the heat
of the water in the pan, well, they're

12
00:00:41,579 --> 00:00:43,409
not always what we think they are.

13
00:00:43,619 --> 00:00:47,399
Because sometimes the stress that's
really boiling you alive, it's not

14
00:00:47,399 --> 00:00:48,959
the stress that you think it is.

15
00:00:49,059 --> 00:00:51,579
And that's what I wanna talk
about in today's quick tip.

16
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:56,349
Because have you ever gone into
January just feeling really off?

17
00:00:56,629 --> 00:00:57,868
I know I do frequently.

18
00:00:57,868 --> 00:01:02,968
The holiday season is just absolutely
hectic and I get back to work feeling

19
00:01:03,358 --> 00:01:06,528
pretty overwhelmed and not quite myself.

20
00:01:06,953 --> 00:01:09,203
And we often think it's because
we are really dreading the

21
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,183
workload really ramping up.

22
00:01:11,183 --> 00:01:14,153
We are dreading all those emails
that are waiting for us and the

23
00:01:14,213 --> 00:01:15,773
tricky people we have to work with.

24
00:01:15,773 --> 00:01:17,423
Perhaps the teams we're trying to manage.

25
00:01:17,423 --> 00:01:22,490
But what if the biggest sources of stress
in our lives right now aren't exactly

26
00:01:22,490 --> 00:01:24,140
the things that you think they are?

27
00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:30,470
This is a You Are Not a Frog quick dip,
a tiny taster of the kinds of things we

28
00:01:30,470 --> 00:01:33,140
talk about on our full podcast episodes.

29
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,770
I've chosen today's topic to give
you a helpful boost in the time it

30
00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:40,160
takes to have a cup of tea so you
can return to whatever else you're

31
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,530
up to feeling energized and inspired.

32
00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:46,910
For more tools, tips, and insights
to help you thrive at work, don't

33
00:01:46,910 --> 00:01:50,870
forget to subscribe to You Are Not a
Frog wherever you get your podcasts.

34
00:01:52,352 --> 00:01:55,292
Now, for the last few months
I've been wearing an Oura ring.

35
00:01:55,292 --> 00:01:57,932
This is one of those sort
of fitness wearables.

36
00:01:57,962 --> 00:02:02,372
It tells you your sleep data, it gives
you your heart rate, it tells you your

37
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:06,932
average heart rate variability, which is a
really, really good way of measuring your

38
00:02:06,932 --> 00:02:09,182
stress levels, and it's pretty accurate.

39
00:02:09,488 --> 00:02:13,422
Now I'm not wearing this 'cause I'm sort
of any sort of health guru, but really

40
00:02:13,422 --> 00:02:15,468
just out of curiosity, But you know what?

41
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:20,568
It's shown me something I really didn't
expect, Most of my stress bikes, they're

42
00:02:20,568 --> 00:02:25,458
not happening when I'm doing stressful
things, they're happening during moments

43
00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:30,168
that I would never have clocked as
stressful, moments that I just dismissed

44
00:02:30,168 --> 00:02:34,758
as mildly irritating, or times where
I felt really tired and depleted.

45
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:38,728
And the more I've explored this, more
I've looked into what I was actually doing

46
00:02:38,728 --> 00:02:43,318
at the time, the more I've realized that
for me, and I think for other doctors

47
00:02:43,318 --> 00:02:47,188
and professionals in high stress, high
stakes jobs, we're actually really

48
00:02:47,188 --> 00:02:50,025
terrible at recognizing our own stress.

49
00:02:50,475 --> 00:02:53,505
And this is not because we are
completely oblivious or we're totally

50
00:02:53,505 --> 00:02:57,825
unskilled, but because we've been
conditioned for years to override our

51
00:02:57,825 --> 00:03:00,135
warning signs and just keep going.

52
00:03:00,432 --> 00:03:04,332
So I am gonna tell you about three
different times when my Oura ring told

53
00:03:04,332 --> 00:03:06,732
me that I had a massive stress peak.

54
00:03:07,092 --> 00:03:10,792
And the first one is the sort of thing
that I'm sure we can all recognize.

55
00:03:11,022 --> 00:03:12,412
So, I moved house recently.

56
00:03:12,412 --> 00:03:14,392
We moved into a village outside Cambridge.

57
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:19,010
I'm absolutely loving it, and one of my
colleagues asked me in a meeting how I

58
00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:20,900
was enjoying living in the countryside.

59
00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:25,011
And I said, it's absolutely brilliant
things seem to be easier and less

60
00:03:25,011 --> 00:03:28,881
busy than in the towns, and there's
just more availability for things.

61
00:03:28,881 --> 00:03:33,351
For example, when I phone up the garage
to book my MOT in, they said, sure thing,

62
00:03:33,471 --> 00:03:34,941
we can do it at the end of this week.

63
00:03:35,391 --> 00:03:40,881
At which point I realized, oh no, I've
forgotten to take my car in for its MOT.

64
00:03:40,913 --> 00:03:42,343
It was literally an hour late.

65
00:03:42,763 --> 00:03:46,003
Now, immediately I went into the
stress zone and I was like, oh, no.

66
00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:47,833
What if I've missed the MOT?

67
00:03:47,893 --> 00:03:50,803
It runs out tomorrow, it's
really, really urgent.

68
00:03:51,043 --> 00:03:54,883
Luckily, there was someone around
that could drive me to the garage and

69
00:03:54,883 --> 00:03:57,223
bring me home so it all got sorted.

70
00:03:57,242 --> 00:04:00,812
I recognized that I was stressed,
I was able to do something about

71
00:04:00,817 --> 00:04:02,042
it, it propelled the interaction.

72
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:06,582
So the spike when I looked at my,
data matched exactly what I felt.

73
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:11,983
So that sort of obvious stress,
it's an obvious warning, isn't it?

74
00:04:11,983 --> 00:04:15,444
It's like a, an obvious warning
light on the dashboard of your car.

75
00:04:15,693 --> 00:04:18,595
You know, warning, tyre
pressure, or warning, something's

76
00:04:18,595 --> 00:04:19,615
wrong with the engine.

77
00:04:19,615 --> 00:04:24,145
It's like when you see a really sick
child or or a patient that you think

78
00:04:24,145 --> 00:04:28,045
something's gonna go really badly wrong,
or perhaps a complaint email, which

79
00:04:28,045 --> 00:04:32,055
is flagging up that there's a problem
here and you probably need to fix it.

80
00:04:32,362 --> 00:04:34,012
And we need these warning lights.

81
00:04:34,030 --> 00:04:38,213
We need our amygdala to do its job to
tell us when there's potential danger up

82
00:04:38,213 --> 00:04:40,163
ahead so that we can take evasive action.

83
00:04:40,463 --> 00:04:43,313
And many of us thrive on
some of these stress spikes.

84
00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:45,893
If you work in A&E, you are
used to really sick patients

85
00:04:45,893 --> 00:04:47,633
coming in and dealing with them.

86
00:04:47,873 --> 00:04:52,223
And let's face it, this is what we've
been trained to do, deal with appropriate,

87
00:04:52,223 --> 00:04:56,431
stressful situations that other
people might perhaps find incredibly

88
00:04:56,431 --> 00:04:58,981
stressful off the charts stressful.

89
00:04:59,276 --> 00:05:04,376
Now it's worth noticing that not
every warning light indicates that

90
00:05:04,376 --> 00:05:05,906
there is something stressful going on.

91
00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:09,658
For example, my car flagged that it
was due for a service, when actually

92
00:05:09,658 --> 00:05:12,718
what had happened was the engineers had
forgotten to turn off the warning light.

93
00:05:12,868 --> 00:05:15,568
So there was a warning light, but
there wasn't actually anything wrong.

94
00:05:15,778 --> 00:05:20,548
And so one of our jobs is to be able
to distinguish between actually a

95
00:05:20,548 --> 00:05:23,383
real threat that we have to deal
with and an implied threat that

96
00:05:23,383 --> 00:05:25,013
our amygdalas are worrying about.

97
00:05:25,013 --> 00:05:28,073
So there's that, that thing with the
patient where, yes, something might

98
00:05:28,073 --> 00:05:32,363
go wrong, but is this an actual threat
or are we just extrapolating that

99
00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:36,060
and catastrophizing, and pre reliving
stuff that hasn't happened yet?

100
00:05:36,527 --> 00:05:39,797
But this is really obvious, right?

101
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:43,187
We recognize ourselves as being
stressed at the time, our heart

102
00:05:43,187 --> 00:05:45,077
rate goes up we feel panicky.

103
00:05:45,227 --> 00:05:46,127
We can't think straight.

104
00:05:46,217 --> 00:05:49,990
We would be able to say, I'm really
stressed right now, or I'm definitely

105
00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:54,458
in my sympathetic adrenaline zone,
and we need these warning lights.

106
00:05:55,075 --> 00:06:00,560
But there was another time that I
noticed a real spike on my data where,

107
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,687
I'd gone right up into my stress zone.

108
00:06:03,079 --> 00:06:06,979
A friend of mine had invited
me to Cambridge Film Festival.

109
00:06:07,249 --> 00:06:12,009
We went to see a film which was badged
as being incredibly beautiful and very

110
00:06:12,009 --> 00:06:15,869
moving, and I got there a little bit
late to the cinema, didn't have enough

111
00:06:15,869 --> 00:06:19,499
time to eat, so we went straight in
and we sat down to watch this film.

112
00:06:19,499 --> 00:06:21,753
And the scenery was spectacular.

113
00:06:21,753 --> 00:06:22,923
It was beautiful.

114
00:06:23,403 --> 00:06:26,073
But the film itself, nothing happened.

115
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,280
Now I apologize to any film buffs.

116
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:33,200
This is obviously not my thing, but
after I'd done 10 minutes of mindfulness,

117
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,340
a few minutes of breath work, I was
starting to get really, really bored.

118
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:41,960
Once I'd appreciated the beautiful
scenery, the wonderful filmography,

119
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:46,700
I just found myself getting really
irritated, quite restless, feeling very

120
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,920
sort of ants in wanting to move around.

121
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:54,082
Now, I do have ADHD, so this is
quite typical for me when I'm bored.

122
00:06:54,432 --> 00:06:58,392
But after an hour and a half of sitting
in this film, as we got out, I thought to

123
00:06:58,392 --> 00:07:02,172
myself, well, there is an hour and a half
that I'm never gonna get back of my life.

124
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,942
And I was in a really bad mood.

125
00:07:04,265 --> 00:07:07,173
And the problem is in a cinema, you
can't just get your Kindle out, can you?

126
00:07:07,173 --> 00:07:09,303
You can't get your phone out and
just start reading stuff that

127
00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:10,803
you're actually interested in.

128
00:07:11,103 --> 00:07:15,303
Now I just put this down to me being
a bit intolerant, but when I looked

129
00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:20,313
at my data, there was a massive
stress spike about 20 minutes into

130
00:07:20,313 --> 00:07:24,593
this film, which I experienced
as restlessness and irritability.

131
00:07:25,811 --> 00:07:29,239
But actually this lack of stimulation
for my brain, this feeling that

132
00:07:29,509 --> 00:07:32,299
I could be doing a lot of other
things that I really wanted to do,

133
00:07:32,599 --> 00:07:36,109
it actually boiled down to the fact
that I'd been ignoring my own needs.

134
00:07:36,229 --> 00:07:40,192
I didn't really want to go, I didn't
find the film interesting, I was hungry.

135
00:07:40,542 --> 00:07:43,722
I'd squashed down all my
needs to please our friend.

136
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:47,162
And as a result, I was in
my sympathetic nervous zone.

137
00:07:47,372 --> 00:07:49,532
It showed very, very clearly on my data.

138
00:07:49,966 --> 00:07:53,545
And I wonder if you've experienced times
when you've been in endless meetings at

139
00:07:53,545 --> 00:07:56,245
work that didn't seem to go anywhere,
they were just looking at stuff that

140
00:07:56,245 --> 00:08:00,595
wasn't relevant to you, or you're on hold
to a colleague, they're not answering,

141
00:08:00,595 --> 00:08:03,445
but it's really important, and you're
just sitting there thinking, I could be

142
00:08:03,445 --> 00:08:04,945
doing anything, but it's quite boring.

143
00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:07,675
Or maybe you're doing some mandatory
training that goes on for three

144
00:08:07,675 --> 00:08:08,905
hours longer than it should.

145
00:08:09,195 --> 00:08:11,925
I've certainly got that feeling when
I'm sitting in a conference where I've

146
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:15,165
paid a lot of money to be there and I've
certainly given up time to be there.

147
00:08:15,165 --> 00:08:19,212
And the keynote speaker has been
the dumbest thing ever, hasn't

148
00:08:19,212 --> 00:08:22,512
done the research to actually
tailor it to the audience.

149
00:08:22,551 --> 00:08:25,221
Side note, that's another
thing that really bugs me.

150
00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:27,861
But often when you're at a conference
that you've been really looking

151
00:08:27,861 --> 00:08:31,551
forward to and you are just in a
session that is irrelevant to you,

152
00:08:32,061 --> 00:08:36,231
that irritable, restless feeling
you get that might be actual stress.

153
00:08:36,531 --> 00:08:41,451
Not just a personality flaw, a personality
defect, but it's your body saying

154
00:08:41,451 --> 00:08:43,061
like, my needs aren't being met here.

155
00:08:43,487 --> 00:08:47,567
Now, I think this sort of restlessness,
this irritation is a bit like driving a

156
00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:49,247
car and just hearing that funny noise.

157
00:08:49,607 --> 00:08:54,047
You know, something isn't entirely
right, but it's not quite often enough

158
00:08:54,047 --> 00:08:57,347
for you to stop the car, and you think,
well, I'll look into it when I get home.

159
00:08:57,707 --> 00:09:02,327
But that funny noise, the misfiring,
the jerky engine, that is something

160
00:09:02,327 --> 00:09:03,312
trying to get your attention.

161
00:09:04,145 --> 00:09:05,915
And it's really worth taking notice of.

162
00:09:06,215 --> 00:09:09,725
But as doctors, we have just
been trained to override this.

163
00:09:10,115 --> 00:09:13,535
We've been trained that our needs
don't matter at all, that everyone

164
00:09:13,535 --> 00:09:16,115
else's needs come in front of ours.

165
00:09:16,565 --> 00:09:21,490
So we just get used to those feelings of
boredom, of irritation, of restlessness.

166
00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,542
And then a couple of months ago,
I had lunch with a couple of

167
00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:25,832
people I didn't know very well.

168
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:29,582
But someone had suggested that,
that we met up 'cause we're working

169
00:09:29,582 --> 00:09:31,142
in the same sort of industry.

170
00:09:31,442 --> 00:09:34,412
And initially it was, it
was lovely, it was good fun.

171
00:09:34,412 --> 00:09:38,072
But then one of them just started
talking and carried on talking and

172
00:09:38,072 --> 00:09:42,542
talked for about half an hour about
themselves and just dominate with

173
00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:45,182
the impressive knowledge that they
had about everything that they were

174
00:09:45,182 --> 00:09:49,172
doing and the systems and the models
that they were teaching everybody.

175
00:09:49,712 --> 00:09:54,392
And about 15 minutes in, I just
noticed myself feeling incredibly

176
00:09:54,392 --> 00:09:59,972
tired, incredibly depleted, and I
just wanted to get out of there.

177
00:10:00,272 --> 00:10:05,912
Now while I was going home, I checked
my data and yep, there we have it.

178
00:10:05,912 --> 00:10:08,342
Another huge stress spike.

179
00:10:08,747 --> 00:10:13,806
About 20 minutes into that
conversation, my stress levels were

180
00:10:13,806 --> 00:10:18,216
off the scale, but I didn't feel
stressed, I felt really de-energized.

181
00:10:18,216 --> 00:10:20,376
I felt really, really depleted.

182
00:10:20,529 --> 00:10:22,688
Because what was I doing
in that conversation?

183
00:10:22,735 --> 00:10:25,405
Well, initially I was getting
quite annoyed by the other person

184
00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:28,345
being completely unselfaware about
the other people that were there.

185
00:10:28,975 --> 00:10:31,435
But actually I was comparing myself.

186
00:10:31,495 --> 00:10:35,605
I was thinking to myself, oh gosh, I
don't know this, i'm not as knowledgeable

187
00:10:35,605 --> 00:10:37,840
about this, what have I got to offer here?

188
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:42,812
And I soon went into a shame spiral
of, who am I to be talking to anybody

189
00:10:42,812 --> 00:10:46,232
about this sort of thing when there are
other people that just know so much?

190
00:10:46,524 --> 00:10:50,094
I remember once I was driving along and
the engine just lost, pat put my foot on

191
00:10:50,094 --> 00:10:52,554
the accelerator and very little happened.

192
00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:55,104
Well, that's just like in this situation.

193
00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:59,127
All my own personal power went
and I realized that I was telling

194
00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:02,307
myself a lot of shame stories about,
well, I'm just not good enough,

195
00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:03,567
i'm not the same as this person.

196
00:11:03,567 --> 00:11:05,817
And that's exactly what
comparison does to us.

197
00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:09,920
And you might have experienced, if you're
in an NDT with very, very confident

198
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,820
people that know everything about a
tiny little specialty, and you might

199
00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:17,385
not know as much as they do, but of
course, you know stuff about yours.

200
00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:20,553
Or perhaps you've got a trainee
who's very intellectual,

201
00:11:20,553 --> 00:11:22,533
knows all the latest research.

202
00:11:22,833 --> 00:11:27,573
And of course you've not been in that
training environment for 10, 15 years, so

203
00:11:27,873 --> 00:11:31,293
you might not know that, but hey, you've
got a whole load more clinical wisdom.

204
00:11:31,686 --> 00:11:35,376
Or if you look online, you've got these
social media super doctors that just

205
00:11:35,376 --> 00:11:39,576
seem to be very shiny and how can they do
all this and still look amazing, right?

206
00:11:39,601 --> 00:11:42,446
Maybe that's just me comparing
myself to people like that online.

207
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:46,050
Because I tell you what, there are
some absolutely amazing podcasters

208
00:11:46,050 --> 00:11:49,404
out there, and the minute I get
on Instagram, things like that, I

209
00:11:49,404 --> 00:11:53,574
start comparing myself and then I go
into this, oh, completely depleted

210
00:11:53,874 --> 00:11:56,154
place of I'm just not good enough.

211
00:11:57,004 --> 00:12:02,434
So often when we are stressed because of
the shame stories we're telling ourselves,

212
00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:04,504
and that's an amygdala threat, isn't it?

213
00:12:04,504 --> 00:12:05,914
What if I'm not good enough?

214
00:12:06,214 --> 00:12:08,434
Our energy just collapses.

215
00:12:08,764 --> 00:12:13,294
And this often just looks like
exhaustion, fatigue, extreme depletion.

216
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:14,882
Now, here's the problem.

217
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:19,622
When it comes to stress, we only really
notice the warning lights at the times

218
00:12:19,622 --> 00:12:23,822
where we can literally feel ourselves
getting stressed and we can identify as

219
00:12:23,822 --> 00:12:29,972
stress, but we miss those car backfiring,
those funny noises, or when we sort of

220
00:12:29,972 --> 00:12:32,642
lost power and we go into depletion mode.

221
00:12:33,272 --> 00:12:35,762
But that's what subtle stress looks like.

222
00:12:36,038 --> 00:12:40,823
It can be irritability, restlessness,
or perhaps just overthinking stuff,

223
00:12:40,823 --> 00:12:44,093
ruminating on stuff, or maybe
even avoiding the things we really

224
00:12:44,123 --> 00:12:48,276
need to do because we feel so
depleted when we try and do them.

225
00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:52,214
So subtle stress can look like
sort of irritability and, and

226
00:12:52,214 --> 00:12:54,504
restlessness and just narkiness.

227
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:58,604
Well, this is a very subtle form
of fight out of the fight, flight

228
00:12:58,604 --> 00:13:00,674
or freeze response, isn't it?

229
00:13:00,974 --> 00:13:04,694
The avoidance of stuff, the just sort
of stepping back and not doing it well,

230
00:13:04,694 --> 00:13:06,494
that's the flight response, isn't it?

231
00:13:06,824 --> 00:13:10,622
That's the, the bit of us that deals
with the threat by just saying, well,

232
00:13:10,622 --> 00:13:12,479
I'm just not gonna go anywhere near it.

233
00:13:12,982 --> 00:13:14,392
Or we've got the freeze response.

234
00:13:14,392 --> 00:13:17,602
So just overthinking things, can't
actually get anything done 'cause

235
00:13:17,602 --> 00:13:19,102
it's just going round in our head.

236
00:13:19,552 --> 00:13:24,352
Or we're getting these micro gill moments
that are just making us unable to make

237
00:13:24,352 --> 00:13:26,092
the decisions that we need to make.

238
00:13:26,429 --> 00:13:29,709
And of course we haven't just got
fight, flight or freeze, we've got fawn.

239
00:13:30,119 --> 00:13:33,689
So when we go into the the over
helping and squashing down our

240
00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:37,079
own needs, that's often the fawn
response you've got right there.

241
00:13:37,532 --> 00:13:41,792
So if we haven't got that flashing warning
light that we identify as stress, but

242
00:13:41,792 --> 00:13:45,812
we've got these other things, rather
than identifying them as stress, we say

243
00:13:45,812 --> 00:13:47,852
that they're flaws in our character.

244
00:13:48,102 --> 00:13:49,421
There's something wrong with me.

245
00:13:50,202 --> 00:13:54,642
But what if we reframe that and we
realize this is our brains telling you

246
00:13:54,972 --> 00:13:57,372
what your unique brain actually needs.

247
00:13:57,762 --> 00:14:01,992
It's telling you that there is a threat
here, that something is not right.

248
00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:06,450
And we often miss these because
we've been trained to tolerate them.

249
00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:09,720
We've been trained to think that
everything's our responsibility.

250
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,110
So if we do feel a bit narked,
well that's just us being selfish.

251
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:17,310
We've been trained to have this
superhero delusion that we can cope

252
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:20,370
with everything all the time, and
so we override those body signals.

253
00:14:20,754 --> 00:14:26,034
We work in the urgency trap, so we
miss eating like I hadn't gone and

254
00:14:26,034 --> 00:14:27,684
eaten before I went to the cinema.

255
00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:31,810
And because we avoid conflict, we
avoid stating what our own needs are.

256
00:14:32,294 --> 00:14:37,064
This is all systemic conditioning,
and one of the real lies that we've

257
00:14:37,064 --> 00:14:41,144
been conditioned and, and groomed
for is that we should be perfect.

258
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:46,000
So when we encounter people who seem
to know everything, we immediately

259
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,060
compare ourselves and go, oh,
no, why didn't I know this too?

260
00:14:49,574 --> 00:14:55,694
But recognizing when some of these
small signs are actually stress

261
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:58,064
symptoms is really, really important.

262
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,484
Because if we are not labeling
things as stressful, we're blaming

263
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,224
the wrong things for our stress.

264
00:15:03,584 --> 00:15:08,114
We purely blame the workload or patient
demand or rotas or toxic system.

265
00:15:08,439 --> 00:15:10,989
And of course these things
really, really contribute, but

266
00:15:10,989 --> 00:15:12,759
we can't control most of these.

267
00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:17,574
But if we can accurately identify some
of these other things that are causing

268
00:15:17,574 --> 00:15:21,191
us these stress reactions, then we
can start to eliminate these layers of

269
00:15:21,281 --> 00:15:26,081
unnecessary pressure that either is being
put on us or we are putting on ourselves.

270
00:15:26,381 --> 00:15:29,081
And of course, the goal isn't
to eliminate stress altogether.

271
00:15:29,291 --> 00:15:30,416
We really, really need those.

272
00:15:31,091 --> 00:15:32,261
Warning signs.

273
00:15:32,441 --> 00:15:34,751
And also that would make the
job really, really boring if

274
00:15:34,751 --> 00:15:36,881
there was no excitement, right?

275
00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:40,211
If there was no meaning to what
we do, if it didn't really matter.

276
00:15:40,511 --> 00:15:44,051
Because we are designed for acute
stress, we are designed to be able to

277
00:15:44,051 --> 00:15:47,321
respond to that, and that is often why
we went into this job, why we went into

278
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:48,731
medicine, 'cause we can deal with it.

279
00:15:48,837 --> 00:15:51,387
But when we ignore those
really quiet, toxic stressor,

280
00:15:51,738 --> 00:15:53,838
everything else gets amplified.

281
00:15:54,018 --> 00:15:56,988
And then even the, the sort of, the
good stress in our roles, the stress

282
00:15:56,988 --> 00:16:01,044
that we train for, that we quite
enjoy, that then becomes unbearable.

283
00:16:01,371 --> 00:16:04,431
So this is why it's really important
to recognize not just those warning

284
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:08,541
lights, but those backfiring moments,
that funny noise in the engine or

285
00:16:08,541 --> 00:16:11,901
the moment when you are, you are
losing power on the accelerator.

286
00:16:12,411 --> 00:16:16,941
It's not just insight for its own sake,
but it'll make us feel a lot better

287
00:16:16,941 --> 00:16:18,381
and make us perform a lot better.

288
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:21,241
'Cause if you remember the stress
curve, we'll be able to eliminate

289
00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:23,941
that extra pressure and move
back into our performance zone.

290
00:16:24,361 --> 00:16:25,921
So let's bring it back to the new year.

291
00:16:26,131 --> 00:16:28,471
In January, there's often
quite a lot of pressure.

292
00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:31,621
It's New Year, what are your New Year's
resolutions, all that sort of stuff.

293
00:16:31,621 --> 00:16:32,851
We start comparing ourselves.

294
00:16:32,851 --> 00:16:37,051
We might have had a bit of time over
the holiday season to just examine

295
00:16:37,051 --> 00:16:39,871
our lives a little bit and think
what am I actually doing with myself?

296
00:16:40,201 --> 00:16:43,111
And often some of those
subtle stressors intensify.

297
00:16:43,141 --> 00:16:47,101
I definitely know they do for me
when I'm hanging out with my family

298
00:16:47,101 --> 00:16:49,446
and my extended family a lot.

299
00:16:49,596 --> 00:16:52,144
And often we ask ourselves in
the new year, right, what am

300
00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:53,464
I going to achieve this year?

301
00:16:53,794 --> 00:16:54,604
What are my goals?

302
00:16:54,604 --> 00:16:56,134
What are my New Year's resolutions?

303
00:16:56,467 --> 00:17:00,547
But can I invite you to flip that
and instead of asking that, ask

304
00:17:00,547 --> 00:17:04,447
yourself, what is it that I'm
going to stop tolerating this year?

305
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,937
What is it that I will
not tolerate this year?

306
00:17:07,137 --> 00:17:12,057
For me, it's gonna be boring films
and concerts, I will politely decline.

307
00:17:12,087 --> 00:17:17,084
And in fact, some friends recently asked
me to go to the ballet, something that

308
00:17:17,084 --> 00:17:18,734
I just didn't think I could sit through.

309
00:17:18,734 --> 00:17:21,374
But I've asked if I can go
and meet them beforehand for

310
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,390
brunch Win-win for everybody.

311
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:27,170
I get to see them, they don't get
to put up with me fidgeting and

312
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:29,630
being restless the whole way through
going, when is this gonna finish?

313
00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:33,697
But it also means I'm gonna give myself
permission not to go to that teaching or

314
00:17:33,697 --> 00:17:37,142
training that's not delivered very well,
not to sit through, through those things

315
00:17:37,142 --> 00:17:38,942
that I just find really intolerable.

316
00:17:39,332 --> 00:17:43,262
I particularly find board
games very, very intolerable.

317
00:17:43,612 --> 00:17:47,392
Now, I know that is an ADHD thing, but
I need to explain that to my family

318
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:48,972
or I just say, that's great guys.

319
00:17:48,972 --> 00:17:49,812
You play that game.

320
00:17:50,022 --> 00:17:51,672
I'm just gonna take
myself off with a book.

321
00:17:51,982 --> 00:17:54,682
For me, it also means
avoiding people that.

322
00:17:54,727 --> 00:17:59,197
I do quite a lot of humble bragging,
maybe staying off social media, so I'm

323
00:17:59,197 --> 00:18:03,937
not comparing myself to, to people all
the time, and minimizing my contact with

324
00:18:03,937 --> 00:18:06,337
people that only talk about themselves.

325
00:18:06,637 --> 00:18:08,587
So I wonder what that looks like for you.

326
00:18:08,917 --> 00:18:12,737
What are you gonna choose not to
tolerate this year, so that those

327
00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:16,667
micro stresses, those moments
are gonna get much less for you?

328
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,503
Now I can imagine a lot of you are
just thinking, yeah, but Rachel,

329
00:18:19,503 --> 00:18:21,573
what if I can't avoid the situation?

330
00:18:21,873 --> 00:18:25,593
What if I can't avoid that colleague,
'cause they're part of my consultant team?

331
00:18:26,053 --> 00:18:30,463
But yeah, and absolutely we can't
avoid every single stressor, but we can

332
00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:32,833
stop losing ourselves inside of them.

333
00:18:33,203 --> 00:18:36,023
So if you are sort of trapped in a
moment where you are suddenly feeling

334
00:18:36,023 --> 00:18:41,873
really depleted, or you're feeling really
restless or irritable, then just name it.

335
00:18:42,083 --> 00:18:42,473
Ah.

336
00:18:42,848 --> 00:18:47,228
Okay, this is the car misfiring, or, oh,
you know, I seem to have lost power here.

337
00:18:47,528 --> 00:18:48,518
That makes sense.

338
00:18:48,908 --> 00:18:50,408
Of course, I'm feeling like that.

339
00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:52,628
What's the situation I'm coping with here?

340
00:18:53,078 --> 00:18:56,948
Just naming it can sue this
and can shift us away from that

341
00:18:56,948 --> 00:19:01,138
shame spiral of, oh gosh, I'm not
good enough, this is dreadful.

342
00:19:01,612 --> 00:19:05,092
Secondly, you can just do something
to get you out of that state.

343
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:07,252
You can just feel your fingertips.

344
00:19:07,252 --> 00:19:11,062
You can put your feet on the floor
and take a couple of grounded breaths.

345
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:16,852
Maybe you can relax your shoulders or take
a sip of water or by yourself some time.

346
00:19:17,152 --> 00:19:20,757
Or even just think to yourself about all
the good that you do do in the world.

347
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:25,810
And then thirdly, give yourself
permission to feel like you're feeling.

348
00:19:25,870 --> 00:19:28,270
Okay, right, I recognize
I'm feeling like this.

349
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,010
This is my nervous system doing its job.

350
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:30,670
Thank you.

351
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:31,510
Nervous system.

352
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:33,461
You know, I don't need to
cope with this perfectly.

353
00:19:33,461 --> 00:19:34,781
It's okay to be feeling like this.

354
00:19:35,264 --> 00:19:39,331
And at that point you can give yourself
permission to get out if you want to.

355
00:19:39,871 --> 00:19:41,341
Permission to leave this meeting.

356
00:19:41,731 --> 00:19:46,021
Granted permission to
leave the film granted.

357
00:19:46,321 --> 00:19:48,001
Permission to say no granted.

358
00:19:49,143 --> 00:19:53,913
So if you want to identify not just
those obviously stressful moments,

359
00:19:53,913 --> 00:19:58,233
but those other things that are
gradually depleting your energy or

360
00:19:58,293 --> 00:20:01,860
causing you to miss fire, then then
try answering these three questions.

361
00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:04,818
Number one, what are your warning lies?

362
00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:08,240
What are the really obvious ways
that that, that you feel stressed?

363
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,340
For me, it's definitely heart
beating really fast and feeling

364
00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:11,810
like I've got to act immediately.

365
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:15,230
But number two, what are
your misfire moments?

366
00:20:15,230 --> 00:20:20,360
So when are you feeling sort of
bored or restless when actually you

367
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,560
are feeling very, very stressed?

368
00:20:21,590 --> 00:20:22,850
What does that feel like to you?

369
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:26,160
And thirdly, what are
the power loss moments?

370
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:32,220
Where's the equivalent for you of feeling
really depleted and lacking in energy,

371
00:20:32,490 --> 00:20:37,260
where you could be comparing yourself
or going into a bit of shame spiral?

372
00:20:37,689 --> 00:20:41,379
Because if we are aware of what's
going on, that gives us some power

373
00:20:41,679 --> 00:20:43,029
and that gives us some choice.

374
00:20:43,029 --> 00:20:48,457
And no, you don't need to get a a
fitness wearable like the Oura ring to

375
00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:52,924
start to notice these things, although
I must say I really enjoyed using mine,

376
00:20:52,967 --> 00:20:56,706
and I'm gonna share some more insights
with you on the next few quick dips.

377
00:20:57,183 --> 00:21:02,929
So next time you are feeling restless,
agitated, irritated, depleted,

378
00:21:03,169 --> 00:21:07,609
see if you can name that stress,
name the need underneath it, and

379
00:21:07,609 --> 00:21:09,979
make one tiny, tiny correction.

380
00:21:10,682 --> 00:21:15,548
So this year, decide what you are
not going to tolerate anymore.

381
00:21:15,758 --> 00:21:21,418
And that might mean saying no to a lot
more things, or choosing to walk away

382
00:21:21,418 --> 00:21:23,698
from things even in the middle of them.

383
00:21:24,098 --> 00:21:29,362
And when you do find yourself experiencing
some feelings that possibly could

384
00:21:29,362 --> 00:21:33,862
be due to stress, like boredom or
irritation or depletion, then think

385
00:21:33,862 --> 00:21:35,782
to yourself what could be going on?

386
00:21:35,872 --> 00:21:39,852
Name that stress, name the
unmet need underneath it, and

387
00:21:39,852 --> 00:21:42,222
make just one tiny correction.

388
00:21:42,559 --> 00:21:45,738
Because remember, you are not a
frog, And this is one thing that

389
00:21:45,798 --> 00:21:49,283
is in your control that you can
use to start to turn the heat down.

390
00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:53,478
And if you want to join a group of
people who get it, who are in exactly

391
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:57,198
the same pan as you, then do, check
out the links in the show notes.

392
00:21:57,198 --> 00:21:58,278
Join one of our communities.

393
00:21:58,729 --> 00:22:03,022
Join FrogXxtra or FrogXtra Gold to
discover even more tools and more

394
00:22:03,022 --> 00:22:04,702
ways of turning the heat down.

395
00:22:04,942 --> 00:22:06,402
And I'll see you for the next quick dip.