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Networking is a piece of cake.

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If you're an extrovert, right?

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Maybe not what it's easy enough
to work the room, are you coming

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away having made any lasting
connections, or were you just really

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fun to be around for that day?

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Welcome to morning creative.

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I am Mark Steadman and I told you a
couple of days ago about my friend who

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didn't like being put into a box and
he asked if he could be taken away from

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the training sessions so that he didn't
have to have his personality tested.

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He, he's one of my best friends and
I've known him for about 15 years and

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I did not like him when we first met.

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He knows this.

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He's heard the story plenty of
times, but it's absolutely true.

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I found him brash.

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Uh, overbearing, um, maybe a
little bit full of himself.

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And while that is what I sort of
felt at the time after our first

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couple of meetings, what lay under
the surface turns out was someone

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who's really kind and loyal and
thoughtful and incredibly perceptive.

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He's someone who It's
charged up by meeting people.

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He likes being around people, he
likes being around lots of people.

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And while I enjoy my solitude
and I can retreat into it, I also

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definitely love meeting new people
and I do get those real moments.

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Like I kind of think, I don't
know if this is a thing, but I'm

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going to say that I, you know,
I am a contextual extrovert.

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Like, get me in my safe zone,
get me in a place where I feel

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safe and secure, and I will be
the life and soul of the party.

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Like I will get to the point
where people are like, alright,

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Mark, tone it down, you know?

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Versus being in an unfamiliar
environment or being, you know, with

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lots and lots of strangers, then
I, you know, I tend to, to change,

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but you know, whether it's lowering
those inhibitions through alcohol

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or just feeling like, you know what?

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Actually, this is a safe space, I
can, I can really let the dogs out.

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Uh, so I kind of think I do, I
don't know if I'm an ambivert,

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but I think they're definitely
con, uh, contextual moments where

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I can be that you know, that guy.

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And that can maybe be a little bit much.

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And so today I've got some tips
for extroverts or for when you

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are in that zone where you kind of
feel like actually, you know what?

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I am going to be the life
and soul of the party.

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It's going to help you get the
most out of those experiences

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when you're meeting new people
in a kind of networking scenario.

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And I didn't really touch on this
yesterday, but when we're talking about

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networking, we're not necessarily all
at all talking about like business

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networking chamber of commerce.

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That kind of stuff, business cards,
you know, we really are just talking

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meetups you know, at the end of a
gig or at the end of a conference

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or a talk or something like that.

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We've got the opportunity then to
meet new people who are of a like

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mind that's really, that's all it is.

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It's that's networking.

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Now, as I said up top, we
might think that networking

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is easier for extroverts.

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And in some ways, I think
the practical stuff is.

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Extroverts tend to be better at being
in groups, at holding conversations,

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and doing all the small talk stuff.

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But while you might enjoy the event and
meeting the people and all the buzzing

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and the lights and all that stuff, are
you getting the most out of that event?

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And let's be real, let's put the
tiger on the table and yell at

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it, is everyone enjoying you?

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How have you created, like real
connections with people, or have you

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just been the life of the party and
someone who's really fun in small doses?

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So here are my 10, we, you know, we
did 10 yesterday, uh, networking for

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introverts here is my attempt at 10
tips for networking when you are an

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extrovert or you are in extrovert mode.

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So number one is active listening.

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This is as a podcaster, this is
something I actually, uh, discourage

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when it comes to the verbal cues, but
there's, in, in moderation, verbal

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active listening cues, you know, the
whole hmm, yeah, that's interesting.

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In tiny amounts, they can be useful.

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But also when we're talking about
nodding and, uh, using eye contact and

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just showing that you're listening.

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Because it doesn't always
need to be your turn to speak.

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Uh, and again, like I say this
as someone who identifies with

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a lot of this stuff, right?

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I'm not just, uh, ragging on extroverts.

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It doesn't always need to be your turn.

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Um, sometimes you can just listen and
you can still show that you're there.

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You can still show that you're on
and that you're engaged by literally

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just showing that you're interested.

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Demonstrating using eye contact and
making sure that you're looking at them.

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Nodding, you know, asking
followup questions.

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If it feels like something's got into
a bit of a col-de-sac, there might

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be a question there, there might be a
word or something or a term or whatever

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someone's used that you could then ask,
you know, What does that mean to you?

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Or what does that make you think of?

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Or this is what I'm thinking of
when I, when I hear that word,

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but what does it mean for you?

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Number two is asking
open-ended questions.

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I have an instinct to ask questions
because I feel like that's a thing that

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I should do, you know, especially if
I'm going to support someone, I kind of

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tend to go in with the asking questions
because I'm conscious of, you get me

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in an area that I'm familiar with or
excited about and I can yammer on.

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I mean, I do a daily podcast where I
talk for 20 minutes a day for God's

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sake, so, you know, you get it.

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I'm not great at small talk.

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And so I use questions as a
way of generating conversation.

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But sometimes it can end up
with are you enjoying the event?

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Which is, you know, leads to
a yeah, it's fine, or yeah.

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It's all right kind of answer.

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So we want to go with open-ended
questions, things like, you know,

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questions that begin with what,
where, why, when, who, how those

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kinds of questions are much better.

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So try thinking about the phrasing of
your questions and see if there's a

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way that you can open them up and give
people that opportunity to expound.

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Number three, then avoid interrupting.

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Now some people do this because
there's a fear that if they don't say

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the thing that's on their mind now
they'll forget it., which tends to

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be pegged to a sort of ADHD trait.

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And to be honest, my answer to
that is like, would that be the

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worst thing in the world if you
forgot what you were going to say?

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Do you know what I mean?

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I think there's a, there's a tendency
there to think that the thing you

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need to say needs to be said, like
needs to be said, and it might be

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that you could trust yourself that
you'll probably remember it later, you

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know, you'll, you'll have some sort
of cue, some sort of liminal change,

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you know, you move into a different
space or you see that person again

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that made you think of the thing.

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And then, then you can collar them later
and be like, oh, I meant to say to you

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actually, there's this thing here, uh,
that you might want to look into, and

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that actually is so much better because
you've created this intimate connection.

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You've added a little, little bit of
value between you and this other person.

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They're much more likely to, to be
engaged and to appreciate that than

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like, oh yeah, just carry it on because
you're worried that you'll forget

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about it, because honestly, my answer
to that is like, so you forgot, you

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know, So you didn't end up saying a
thing, you know, I think it's okay.

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I think it's actually okay.

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If you don't remember everything
that you wanted to say.

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Number four is focus on understanding.

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So.

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I love throwing out info.

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If I'm knowledgeable on a particular
topic, I've caught myself a few

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times in certain spaces now.

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And I, I think it can come off sometimes
as wow this person really wants to tell

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us that he's always got the answer.

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Like he's got the answer
to every question.

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Okay.

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Well done to him, you know?

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And actually where it comes from
is completely from that space of

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like, oh, I know this as well, and
I can help it's coming from a good

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place and a good, a good space.

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But I think it can sometimes.

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Come off as like, all right,
let's let's let someone else go.

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And so that's kind of the, the
point here for, uh, for number four

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is to let someone else go first.

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Allow that to be a beat of silence.

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Allow that to be a moment
where no one has the answer.

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But also leave that time for people
to come up with their own answer,

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you know, sometimes asking a question
is better than providing an answer.

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And, you know, leaving space sometimes
is better than, than jumping in straight

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away, because you might find that
someone just needed a little bit of

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extra time to come up with their answer.

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And also the thing you have the
answer to might not strictly

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be the question that they were
asking or the problem that they

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were talking about or whatever.

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And you know, sometimes we have
this sort of, we snap to a grid

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where we're like, I'm pretty sure
I have some knowledge Jason, to

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this that will be interesting.

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But that might not be specifically
the thing that they're asking.

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And so if you jump into quickly
without saying when you say,

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X, are you talking about this?

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And then you can expound.

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If you, if you're certain
that you've, you've actually

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got the right piece of info.

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Number five practice empathy.

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I'm not saying you're not empathetic,
but it's, it's one of those things that

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it's useful to just be reminded of.

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Remember that this
isn't fun for everyone.

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These events aren't fun, especially
at the beginning where, you know,

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No one really knows each other and
lots of people are feeling inhibited.

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Lots of people do find that
stuff draining and you might

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not, you might find it charging.

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But bearing in mind that that lots of
people will find this draining, you

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are probably quite skilled at reading
and mirroring body language, I would

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imagine if you feel extroverted.

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So you can use that energy to
bring yours down a little bit.

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This I believe is called co-regulation.

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When two people get together, they can
regulate each other's nervous systems.

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So if you are someone who's maybe
a bit spiky and a bit up and you

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chat with someone who's a bit
down, you can use that rather than

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you trying to bring that level up
to you, actually use this to go.

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Okay, I can speak a little bit
slower, a little bit quieter.

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Number six is to pass the mic.

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So if you're in a huddle and you know,
someone has got a good answer to a

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question or you've got that sense
you're starting to pick it up from

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the room of like, oh, this person
probably knows or, you know, maybe

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that's slightly off somewhere else and
you know, that that name, you might

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bring him into the conversation like.

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Oh, actually, you know what.

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Uh, Susan knows the answer to this
and bring Susan over kind of thing.

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That can be a really nice way
of you are still being useful.

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You are still adding value.

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You're still in many
ways being memorable.

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But you are passing the mic to someone
else to allow them to shine as well.

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So use your, uh, tendency or
your willingness to jump in

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and help, but actually help by
passing them off to someone else.

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Even if, and perhaps, especially if that
is someone who is as expert as you on

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a particular thing, you know, if you're
you're there and you're talking about

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a particular, uh, camera technique or
mic technique or something, you know,

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to do with your field, and you know,
the answer and you've got your good

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sense of like, this is what should be
done, but actually, you know, Pete over

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there is like, actually I know they
know some stuff about this as well,

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and maybe we differ, maybe we don't,
bring Pete into the conversation.

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Because then it just, it makes it less
of the you show, which is always nice.

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Number seven is, the nicer way
of saying this, there's a mean

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way and there's a nice way.

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I think that slightly nicer ways
to reflect before responding.

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The slightly meaner ways I'm sure many
of us have been told throughout allows

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us to think before you speak, uh, which
is a little bit harsh, but it kind of

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goes back to an earlier point, really.

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Do you need to seek some clarity
or clarification on something that

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someone is talking about, or a
question that you've been asked?

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Because you might have an adjacently
right answer, but there might

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be something that you've missed.

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There might be a detail or something.

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That perhaps you missed earlier
in the conversation before you

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sidled up, you know, And you start
barreling in with something that

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could feel a little bit mansplained
or, you know, the female equivalent.

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I don't think there is,
but you know what I mean?

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You know, coming in with like, well,
actually you should do this, and

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then like the whole group is like,
no, no, we, we talked about that.

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And so again, like realizing you
don't necessarily need to fill the

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silence if no-one's got an answer.

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If you're in a huddle or if you're
speaking to someone or whatever,

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you can demonstrate that your
thinking just like everyone else's.

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And also.

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If it's just one-on-one and someone
asks you something and you don't know,

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it's cool to just say, I don't know.

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You can just say, you know what?

230
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I don't know.

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And if you, again, like pass the
mic, if you think there's someone

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here who I think would know, then
point them in their direction or at

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least say actually, you know what I
think, uh, Simon knows about this.

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Number eight is to practice
a bit of mindfulness.

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So, staying present.

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Can be tricky in these kinds of
things, because we're always thinking

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about, maybe we're thinking about
ourselves and how we come off, or

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maybe we're thinking about what's the
next thing, next thing we're going

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to say to this person, or what's
the next conversation I can go to?

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Oh, that person over there,
that, that conversation that

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sounds really interesting.

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Oh, I've just seen Samantha.

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I really wanted to, to collar
Samantha about something, you know?

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We can be sort of all over the place
and maybe we're not focused that much

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on the conversation that we're having at
that particular time and the connection

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that you might be able to make there.

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And when I say connection, I mean,
in terms of a human connection,

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not necessarily, uh, in the,
in the strategic sense of, you

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know, getting someone's email
address kind of connection.

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So focusing on your
breathing can help you.

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It can help you sort of stay
present and just give you

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that, that thing to focus on.

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Because when you're more present,
you're going to form those deeper

254
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connections because you're going to
be really listening to what someone is

255
00:13:48,731 --> 00:13:52,511
saying and actually thinking about it,
giving it that thought, hopefully not

256
00:13:52,511 --> 00:13:56,261
overthinking it, but just giving it
the right amount of thought which then

257
00:13:56,471 --> 00:14:02,081
helps you make slower, more considered
responses, which helps build trust

258
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and build connections with people.

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Number nine then is to seek feedback.

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So.

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I think um, something you could
do before you go into a networking

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scenario in next time, you've got an
opportunity and you really want to come

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00:14:15,331 --> 00:14:19,621
away having done really well, not just
having enjoyed it, but actually like,

264
00:14:19,891 --> 00:14:22,951
yeah, with a bunch of email addresses
or Instagram handles or LinkedIn

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00:14:22,981 --> 00:14:27,901
profiles, people that you can tap up
later to, to, uh, be interested in the

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work that you're doing, maybe support
you see how you can support them,

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rising tide raises all boats, right?

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That kind of stuff.

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So if, you know, if you're going
into an event and that kind of

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thing is important to you and
you want to do well, then ask

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your friends and family what they
think of your listening skills.

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Have they got any pointers for you or
are there things that they've noticed,

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like you seem to do this thing and
it indicates to me that you're not

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really listening to what I'm saying.

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So, you know, maybe watch that,
you know, and even if you are,

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00:14:57,811 --> 00:14:59,641
it's like, sometimes you look
like you're not listening.

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00:14:59,641 --> 00:15:03,691
And so, yeah, that can be something
that you can, you can maybe be aware

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of and, uh, and have, uh, a bit
of a work on, you know, any, any

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blind spots, that kind of thing.

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And then number 10, as much as I've
been saying, like do this, don't do

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this and think about this, prevent
yourself from do this or avoid this,

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like actually go in and be yourself
as, as much as you can, like.

283
00:15:23,098 --> 00:15:25,708
Kind of a little bit going back
to the mindfulness thing, really?

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00:15:26,068 --> 00:15:28,648
Trying not to be someone else.

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00:15:29,048 --> 00:15:31,228
Because that in itself can
be exhausting, you know?

286
00:15:31,628 --> 00:15:35,108
So, if you do notice yourself getting
into a habit or something that I've

287
00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:37,328
talked about here that you think,
oh, you know what, actually, I want

288
00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:40,868
to, I want to be aware of that or
curb that behavior or whatever it is,

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00:15:41,618 --> 00:15:44,768
when you notice those moments, don't
give yourself a hard time about it.

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Just notice it without judgment.

291
00:15:47,018 --> 00:15:48,008
Just, oh, it did that thing.

292
00:15:48,368 --> 00:15:49,148
That's interesting.

293
00:15:49,627 --> 00:15:53,347
Using curiosity rather than I did
that thing again, I can't believe

294
00:15:53,617 --> 00:15:56,197
I wasn't listening to what that
guy said and I interrupted again.

295
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,737
Just being mindful of, oh, I
seem to have interrupted there.

296
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:00,637
Oh, that's interesting.

297
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,647
And then returned to the conversation.

298
00:16:02,857 --> 00:16:05,677
Just noting it in your mind,
making it memorable because

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memorable things get remembered.

300
00:16:07,657 --> 00:16:10,717
So just remembering it, uh, and
just noting that down and go,

301
00:16:10,777 --> 00:16:12,067
oh yeah, I did that thing again.

302
00:16:12,247 --> 00:16:12,637
Okay.

303
00:16:13,387 --> 00:16:14,077
And then cracking them.

304
00:16:14,577 --> 00:16:16,777
Okay, couple of bonus
ones then I was sort of.

305
00:16:17,317 --> 00:16:19,777
I talked about this
yesterday a little bit.

306
00:16:20,357 --> 00:16:23,627
If you're in a group of people,
it can be really, really

307
00:16:23,627 --> 00:16:29,457
helpful if you can make a little
bit of space in that group.

308
00:16:29,487 --> 00:16:34,347
So rather than standing in a
closed circle, if you go for,

309
00:16:34,707 --> 00:16:39,327
uh, an open circle where there
is a gap, That invites people in.

310
00:16:39,927 --> 00:16:44,487
So that then signals to someone else
who maybe feels a little bit awkward

311
00:16:44,487 --> 00:16:48,057
or a bit self-conscious, it's okay
to come in, we haven't closed off.

312
00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:52,257
Yeah, it gives them a physical place
to stand where they can actually then

313
00:16:52,257 --> 00:16:54,237
get a bit of eye contact with people.

314
00:16:54,657 --> 00:16:57,087
And then they can lock
themselves into the group.

315
00:16:57,267 --> 00:17:00,927
And then once you notice that
happening, Again, just try and make a

316
00:17:00,927 --> 00:17:04,857
subtle shift and even call it out to
people, say, let's, let's widen the

317
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,647
circle out a little bit so that we
can leave a gap because I want to make

318
00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:09,237
sure that other people can come in.

319
00:17:09,267 --> 00:17:11,847
You can be that person who
can just quickly guide.

320
00:17:11,847 --> 00:17:14,877
And after one or two times of doing
that, you might notice that people

321
00:17:14,877 --> 00:17:18,777
start doing it and it can be, become
something that becomes, you know, it

322
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:23,157
spreads out a little bit, and it's a
really useful way of being able then

323
00:17:23,157 --> 00:17:26,277
to create a bit of space for people who
may be, feel a bit self-conscious about

324
00:17:26,757 --> 00:17:28,977
barging into a, to a group in a huddle.

325
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:33,303
And then the last point is, just as I
was talking about yesterday, where if

326
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:36,843
you feel introverted, that is not a
deficiency, it's a difference, I mean

327
00:17:36,843 --> 00:17:38,883
the same goes for you, uh, absolutely.

328
00:17:38,913 --> 00:17:42,633
But also that is not something
that you need to fix in others.

329
00:17:42,633 --> 00:17:45,543
You don't need to bring people
out of their shells necessarily.

330
00:17:45,903 --> 00:17:47,373
They might be quite
happy in their shells.

331
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,383
The shells might be where
they do their best work.

332
00:17:49,743 --> 00:17:51,873
So just allowing for
that, to be the case.

333
00:17:52,553 --> 00:17:56,213
And with all of this stuff, I don't
want you to, I don't want you to think

334
00:17:56,273 --> 00:17:58,913
that I don't think you have feelings.

335
00:17:59,033 --> 00:18:02,243
Like that isn't, you know, as
much as I've been going off here.

336
00:18:02,893 --> 00:18:07,953
I'm not suggesting that like, Stuff
that, that you encounter doesn't

337
00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:12,383
affect you or that you don't have a,
uh, verbose inner monologue you know?

338
00:18:12,773 --> 00:18:15,023
Absolutely, I know you will as well.

339
00:18:15,283 --> 00:18:17,983
You know, just because you're more
outgoing does not mean that you

340
00:18:17,983 --> 00:18:19,513
are not introspective as well.

341
00:18:19,513 --> 00:18:24,773
So please don't think that I am denying
your feelings in this or, you know,

342
00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:26,363
trying to force any kind of change.

343
00:18:27,263 --> 00:18:32,363
We, you know, as someone who probably
errs more towards the introverted,

344
00:18:32,363 --> 00:18:36,743
especially like I said, in unfamiliar
spaces, we need people like you.

345
00:18:36,743 --> 00:18:37,283
We do.

346
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,243
We need you.

347
00:18:38,613 --> 00:18:43,566
But it's just that the more aware
you are of your tendencies, just like

348
00:18:43,566 --> 00:18:48,516
introverts need to be aware of theirs,
the easier it is to sort of round off

349
00:18:48,516 --> 00:18:50,316
those, those sharper edges really.

350
00:18:50,316 --> 00:18:53,286
And the more rewarding
time you'll end up having.

351
00:18:55,447 --> 00:18:55,747
Cool.

352
00:18:55,747 --> 00:19:00,787
So time for my extra shot then, which
today is the Famous and Gravy podcast.

353
00:19:00,827 --> 00:19:03,817
This is life lessons from
dead celebrities presented by

354
00:19:03,817 --> 00:19:05,377
Michael Osborne and Amit Kapoor.

355
00:19:05,527 --> 00:19:08,407
This is, uh, it's, it's
such a good podcast.

356
00:19:08,407 --> 00:19:13,777
They, they look at the life of
a notable person, uh, who is now

357
00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:17,137
no longer with us and then ask a
bunch of questions to essentially

358
00:19:17,137 --> 00:19:20,957
figure out is there's the kind of
life that I would like to have led?

359
00:19:21,587 --> 00:19:22,907
Uh, and it's, it's really good.

360
00:19:22,937 --> 00:19:26,117
Uh, it's a great episode from
a few weeks back, uh, on Carrie

361
00:19:26,117 --> 00:19:27,797
Fisher, really wonderful.

362
00:19:27,857 --> 00:19:29,957
Uh, and they, they, they go
in and they do the research.

363
00:19:30,017 --> 00:19:32,987
And it's, It's not a, it's not a
comedy podcast, but you know, there is

364
00:19:32,987 --> 00:19:37,737
a lightness to it, but you really do
come away with some, some good things

365
00:19:37,737 --> 00:19:41,307
to think about and, uh, some questions
to ask about your own life as well.

366
00:19:41,307 --> 00:19:43,237
So famousandgravy.com.

367
00:19:43,257 --> 00:19:43,977
Go and check it out.

368
00:19:43,977 --> 00:19:45,117
Link is also in the show notes.

369
00:19:45,537 --> 00:19:47,667
And with that, uh, if you
have got anything that you

370
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:50,937
want to let people know about,
then mark@morningcreative.fm.

371
00:19:51,187 --> 00:19:56,916
So we'll get onto one thing that
you can do today to, uh, help you

372
00:19:56,946 --> 00:20:00,546
get more out of networking if you
are, uh, in an extrovert mode.

373
00:20:00,576 --> 00:20:04,416
But before then, I just want to
shout out to, uh, Frances for

374
00:20:04,416 --> 00:20:06,606
becoming my latest Backstage member.

375
00:20:06,856 --> 00:20:11,256
Frances now gets access to my behind
the scenes podcast, uh, as well as

376
00:20:11,466 --> 00:20:15,216
all of the download numbers and the
subscriber numbers for this project, so,

377
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:19,263
she can see what I'm doing to build up
my business here, my little practice.

378
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:24,693
Uh, and so you can be like her by
going to hellosteadman.com/backstage.

379
00:20:25,083 --> 00:20:28,683
And thank you to the lovely people
who left, uh, such lovely comments

380
00:20:28,683 --> 00:20:32,926
actually on my episode yesterday
about networking for introverts.

381
00:20:32,926 --> 00:20:34,156
Really, really appreciate it.

382
00:20:34,156 --> 00:20:36,826
@hellosteadman on the socials
is where you can find me.

383
00:20:37,726 --> 00:20:41,026
So next time then we are going,
uh, we're going back online and

384
00:20:41,026 --> 00:20:44,326
we're going to talk everything you
wanted to know about collaboration,

385
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,696
but we're too insular to ask.

386
00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:52,066
So, if you do one thing today,
Think about the next networking

387
00:20:52,066 --> 00:20:53,686
opportunity that you have coming up.

388
00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:58,186
Make a plan to follow up with
five to 10 people after the event.

389
00:20:58,446 --> 00:21:00,636
So, if you've got to do that, then
you're going to be thinking about

390
00:21:00,636 --> 00:21:04,356
making a note of people's LinkedIn or
Instagram handles or just their names.

391
00:21:04,766 --> 00:21:09,956
And then set a reminder the day
after the event to go and start

392
00:21:10,106 --> 00:21:13,376
following people and DM-ing people
and building up your network that way.

393
00:21:13,786 --> 00:21:17,566
This way you can not only be the
life and soul of the party on the

394
00:21:17,566 --> 00:21:22,756
night, but you can also be the one
who initiates that deeper connection.