Hey, it's David. Welcome to A Changed Mind, a sanctuary for your spirit, a place where each and every episode I remind you of certainty of good and future, friend, host, guide, Dave Bayer. In this episode, we're going to talk about how to solve a problem that just won't seem to go away because there comes a time in all of our lives where we experience what's called unsolvable problems. No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, the problem does not go away. And maybe it's a constant cycle of not having money despite trying everything, or maybe it's challenges in your relationship, husband or your wife or your other. This is someone you love, but no matter what you do, how hard you try to fixing them just doesn't seem to get. Maybe it's a challenge with your kids. Maybe it's chronic health condition. Maybe it's wanting for years to discover your purpose. No matter how hard you push, no matter how hard you try, the problem doesn't go away. In fact, it just seems to get bigger. And a few years ago, my wife and I were walking on the beach with her best friend. Her best friend was deathly afraid that she was getting too old, that she was never going to meet the man of her dreams, she wasn't going to have kids, that she was going to be alone for the rest of her life. I would say, you know, most people talk about their biggest fear people can have is the fear of public speaking. Her fear was that she was getting too old to ever meet. And so she had been on date after date after date, sometimes two, three dates a day. She was on like four of those dating apps. She was swiping so frequently that she had a callus on her finger and we watched her for over the course of a year go on like 500. So we're walking on the beach and she finally says, I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it. It's too painful. Every time I have to figure out how to get out of kissing some guy good night. It's just so exhausting. It's so disappointing. I don't care if I never meet the man of my dreams, but I'm not going to continue to be this dating. She gave up. Two weeks later, she meets her husband. She's now got a beautiful family, two kids. What happened? Well, what happened, if you're going through something like, is that you're experiencing what we call your core probe. Okay, now let me elaborate. Each of us has a core probe. For me, it was this belief that there was something wrong with me that was materializing as health challenge that I could point at and go, see, there's something wrong with me. And no matter what I did, no matter how many doctors I saw, I have access to some of the best physicians, medical doctors, naturopathic doctors, stem cell specialists in the world. They could not, I couldn't solve health. I can't tell you how many times I went into a specialist and said, well, geez, wow, we've never seen this again. Nope. My wife, for her, it was this feeling that she can't trust people and that she'll do it on her own. And if she wants to do it right, she's got to do it herself. And a mechanism of trolling. Some of you may relate to my story. Some of you may relate to my wife. And no matter what she did, as she was building our business, the team would continue to make mistakes. And her greatest fear that something would go wrong would actually happen no matter how much she controlled, no matter how much she was burning herself out, how much she took on her own shoulders. She was continuing to experience this unsolvable. What we see is that these fears and these beliefs, this fear that there's something wrong and health challenges was something I learned at a very early age from my mom, from my dad. And so this was a core trauma of growing up. And my wife came out of a particular situation where she concluded, I can't trust people. I'm never going to trust anybody again, and I'll just do everything. And so the originating traumas in our lives, sometimes traumas that we're not even aware of because it's subtle. It's not a physical abuse. It's not a sexual abuse. It's more of a slow drip, emotional experience, form belief system that are materialized. This experience in our life that no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, no matter what type of external resource we seek, we cannot solve. For another friend of mine, it was shame and guilt. He grew up gay. He knew he was gay at 10, 11 years old. Grew up in an environment where he could be himself. Grew up in an environment where his dad would tell him he was an idiot, and so he was ashamed of himself, which parlayed nicely to the fact that back in the early 2000s, mid-90s, he was gay. Tell anyone. Felt like there was something wrong with him. Felt the shame and guilt. So life will keep bringing you these experiences over and over and over again. Why? Well, number one is because the brain is a goal-achieving machine, and your beliefs are creating. Now, my wife and I, we've been in personal growth for years. So you could say, well, why not change beliefs today? We've got all these other episodes where you give us tools to change beliefs. We've got courses, programs, live events where you're telling us that we can come and change our beliefs. That's absolutely right. But your core program is a special type, and you cannot change, no matter what tools you have access to, whether they're my tools or anybody else's. Can't change it through meditation. Can't change it through managing your physiology. You can't change it through reframing, or stories, or incantations, or neurosculpting, somatic release. None of the tools out will allow you to alleviate yourself of this core, pro, core belief. Several years ago, I had a break. I've been very public. There were a lot of things going on. COVID, traction in my business, having to make a lot of pivot because we're used to getting together with people in person at seminars and live events. Obviously, it wasn't happening. My wife was pregnant with our first son. She and I were having a lot of challenges. Some of it was hormonal. Some of it was just our relationship growth. One day, I felt an overwhelming amount of stress that I could not go off. I had my version of a nerve. When I had this breakdown, my brother, Coach Mike, who's in the clinical world, said, hey, talk to one of my therapists. I spoke to one of the therapists. They referred me to a psychiatrist. He wanted to be on medication. I hadn't been on medication since I was 33 years old. 17 to 33 years old, a doctor had me on antialytics and SSRIs for my anxiety, quote-unquote anxiety. When I learned how to actually process the emotions and when I understood what anxiety really was, I got off the medication. For those of you who are struggling with anxiety, I highly recommend you watch one of my earlier episodes on anxiety. If you want to overcome it, truly understand the source it is. The doctor said, look, we need to put you on med because you're just experiencing extraordinary high-level stress. Your nervousness is just fight or flight. I was like, all right, I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Felt a little bit ashamed. I was like a teacher of information, but I had a baby on the way. Stress had been built. I was having a hard time sleeping. I had insomnia. I got on the first medication. I had very rare side effects. I had to get off. He said, well, we'll put you on this. They put me on the second medication. Three days later, I had, I guess, a side effect that they weren't even aware that you could have with this medication. He's like, well, we can't put you on the medication. My brother made a recommendation. He said, hey, when you were experiencing unmanageability in your life before, you went back, you got into a 12-step probe. He said, why don't you go back and start working 12-step? That's what I did. I didn't have a desire to drink. I started going back to Alcoholics Anonymous and got back into three meetings a week and started working the steps. 12-steps are an amazing technology for healing and transformation, but rather than working the steps around my alcoholism, I worked the steps around what I felt like chronic worry. As I started working the steps, I had some major realizations. I realized that chronic worry wasn't even really about health. Early, early, early limiting belief trauma, it sounded something wrong. My mom, in her late 30s, early 40s, started having a lot of health because it was the materialization of there's something wrong with in her, and I actually learned there's something wrong with me from her because her mom was abusive and made her feel like there was something wrong with her. It materialized in my mom as chronic health conditions, and now it was materializing inside of me, chronic health conditions, and worry about me, and worry in general because I was consistently in hypervigilant, fight or flight, because I always felt like I was going to do something or there was something wrong with me. At a time, that accumulated tension on my system and started materializing literally with a bot. Is there something? The first three steps are incredibly powerful, and they're paired. The first step, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives, and second step is we came to believe that a power greater than ourself could restore us sanity. Step three is we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to God or a higher power, as we understood. You could easily replace those three steps with being powerless over our alcoholism, with powerless over my worry, powerless over my purity, powerless. I'm feeling powerless over the challenges in my personal relationship. I'm feeling powerless over my ability to attract soulmate, feeling powerless over my chronic health condition, feeling powerless over my ability to troll my kid. The first three steps are abbreviated as I can, he can, I'll let him. This is the process of surrender. In spirituality and personal growth, the idea or the concept of surrender is spoken about a lot. Oh, just surrender. Just let go. But we don't truly understand it. Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Steps helped me understand it and helped me see that there was this unmetabolized or unprocessed trauma that was coming up in my life that was ready to be transformed. It was for me around feeling like there was something wrong with me or not good enough that was materializing a body. And similarly, at about the same time for my wife, around this idea that I can't trust people and I'll do it on my own that was showing up at challenges in our business. And if you're resonating with this episode at all, it's because your core program is showing up right and it is an unsolvable problem. And I realized as I went through this, because we've had over 10,000 coaching conversations, I just wasn't able to identify what was going on. I realized, oh my God, every single person that we've coached has a core program. If I sit down and have a conversation and I ask you the right questions, we'll uncover your core program. For me, it was there's something wrong. Again, for my wife, I trust. For other people, we've seen core programs that sound like, I don't, I'm trapped, I can't help, nobody loves. And it's showing up in a very specific way. It's materialized their life and it matters. It's a big problem. It seems to be unsolved. The good news is, is we're starting to understand what it is. And that's what we're talking about in this episode. Early trauma that we all have that is meant to be transformed, not through some personal developed trick or some biohacking or some neurohack. The only way it can be solved is through the process of surrender. Surrender brings you back into relationship with your higher power or the universe or God. When you realize that I can't, and that's powerlessness. No matter how much I try, I am not able to solve this problem. It was clear. I went from doctor to doctor. I tried every tech out there. We ran every different kind of lab test. As soon as one health challenge seemed to disappear, another one was right behind. Chronic health challenge. Even though I'm perfectly healthy. There was no external support or resources that solved this health challenge for me because the health challenge wasn't actually the solve. The thing to be solved or resolve or surrender was this feeling inside of me that there's something wrong. And no matter how many incantations I did, no matter how much journaling I did, for those of you who are in our programs or our community and you use this amazing tool that we teach called the decision matrix, and it's been great at Trans Beliefs, no matter how many decision matrices I used, I could not let go of this idea that there was something wrong. About the same time I discovered the CORE Program, we had our legendary business event in Mexico. We do a three-day event where I teach business frame methodologies, and we opened it up with people sharing how impactful this work has been for them in growing their businesses and improving their bank account, making a greater impact in the world, improving lives. Someone stood up and she said, look, this work has got one thing. And no matter how many times I've gone through your program, can't go with one thing. And it was right when I had discovered my own CORE Program, I told her, I said, the good news is I know what this is. The bad news is none of the tools that I've got for you work because CORE Program, it's yours to let go of and let God or the God of your own stand. In scripture, we see this idea over and over and over. It kind of sounds like the battle is not you, the battle is the Lord. It's this call during certain times in scripture to stand. It's also articulated in scripture as be still and know that I am God. Be still and let me show you what I, God, am capable of. There is a system at work that wants you to let it do its job. It wants to loving help. And over the course of our lives, many of us have disconnected from it.even though we consider ourselves spiritual, even though maybe you believe in God, even though maybe you grew up in a religious background, we were either traumatized by religion and separated from religion, or maybe you still consider yourself a faithful person, but truth be told, fear forces you to take control more in your life than you're mentral. We're meant, I think Jesus said, my yoke is easy, right? Our life is supposed to be easy. That doesn't mean that we don't put in energy and effort and work, we won't experience challenges, but when we're connected to a power greater than ourselves and we know that it has the capacity to provide for us, in every circumstance and situation, doesn't life become easier? Don't you fall in love and in awe with the miracles that show up in your life? Like my wife's best friend, who all of a sudden gave up, and two weeks later, she finds the man of her dreams without having to do a thing. So that's what's available to us, but fear makes us forget about it. It disconnects us from our relationship, from where we came, from our higher power, from the universe, God. And so the core program as a trauma is actually a setup. It's a seed planted inside of you, and between the ages of 35 and 55, it starts to sprout and grow. What's happened is, as a result of that early trauma, you develop some compensation or skills. You use those skills. It's wonderful that you developed. I became very contemplative. I'm able to scrutinize things. I'm able to really think things through. I'm able to ruminate and imagine and be creative in a healthy way. I kind of obsess about it. But as that built up momentum over the course of my life, and I look back and there are ways that it's helped, it started to take over my life. And that ability to imagine or ruminate, contemplate, or academically approach things turned into worry. And that worry had become cryptic. My wife's ability to pull herself up by her own bootstrap and not need anyone else to help her allowed her to become tenacious, strong, disciplined. She's like, she is a lady boss of a woman, bind with beauty and spirituality. She has it all. She's amazing. That's why I married her. But that need to control things for fear of being hurt or not being able to trust other people, cryptic, built up too much. But that's intentional. By design, I believe that God gives us this core wounding and core trauma knowing that 30, 40, 50 years from now will call us. And so it calls us back home. That's what it does. And it will surrender you back to a relation with your higher power, or it'll bring you to a knee until you realize this is all a problem. You have to trust God or a higher power and actually back away from itself. And that sounds very counterintuitive. You're telling me to solve my financial insecurity, I should stop worrying about my finances? That's a sin. This is not your battle fight. You're saying to overcome my health challenges, I should stop going to see doctors? Look, I'm not telling you that because the world we live in, that could create a problem for you. But I'm just saying, if it hasn't been working, try something different. And the thing that you're most afraid to try, probably the thing that, and for most of us, that means stop trying to solve. Because the problem feels serious. And we've learned that in order to transform circumstances, we have to bring ourselves closer to problems, scrutinize problems, push up against problems. That's what we do in the world, right? You can look at how there's a war on terror, there's a war on drugs, there's a war on viruses and bacteria, there's a war on everything. But any time we start to apply energy towards something, try to get rid of it, it'll only grow. And that's metaphysics, that's physics. That's an understanding of how energy, and so if you keep pouring your attention towards the problem, the problem's just gonna get big. One of my friends and mentors said, what you make matter, matter. What you make matter, come. What you make matter, matter to your life. It just gets thicker and more solid. And before you know it, it's got so much mass that it has its own gravitational pull, and you're being pulled around problems. So you've gotta disassociate from it. You've gotta step away from it. But it feels really scary because that's not how we're used to solving problems, but that's what your higher power are calling to do. Let me do my job. I will take it from you if you're willing. It requires courage and it requires faith. In recovery, there are sort of these three elements to look at first. We look at this idea of insanity. And so if your circumstance or situation is starting to cause you to feel insane, feel crazy, because you're trying and trying and trying and nothing seems to be working, and yet you know that nothing's working, but you're almost addicted to the behavior of trying to solve the problem, even though you know that trying to solve the problem hasn't worked for you so far, that's insanity. And it'll make you feel crazy. So insanity is one element of core program. It'll drive you in feeling insanity. The other is powerless. Again, no matter what you do, so you've tried to exert your own personal power to get your partner to be due differently, to solve your health challenge, to try to fill your bank account, get out of a situation or scenario where you get to the end of the month, you don't have enough in order to get to the next, or you've been just pushing and pushing and pushing to discover your purpose or grow your business. Nothing seems to be working powerfully. And the other component is unmanageability. As a result of this insanity and powerlessness, you're creating unmanageability in life. You're starting to have a breakdown in life because you're applying so much energy and attention and life force to solve the problem that you're not supposed to solve, that you're pulling energy and attention away from other areas of your life that you could be nurturing and creative in. And so now the rest of your life starts to feel like it's falling apart. It affects your job. It affects your family. It affects your finances. It affects your health. It affects your relationship. And so there's a prayer that we have in recovery. We say it at the end of every meeting. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I, and the wisdom to know the difference. And that wisdom to know the difference and to feel like the tricky part, which is why I'm giving you the elements core program so we can start giving language, thing that has been otherwise invisible. I'm giving you examples of my core program, my wife's core program, other people's core program, giving you the emotional elements of insanity, powerlessness, unmanageability. Because we do need to take action in our lives. There are things we need to do. But if you're trying to solve something that cannot be solved, then the solution cannot be, you continue to try to, the solution is doomed. And it can feel really crazier. This guy, Frank Kinslow, it was crazy how I came upon a book, Teachings of Tasks. I'm very in alignment with what I've studied and what I teach. I was at my wife's mom's one day, mother, and she had the bookshelf, and I just grabbed it as we were staying. So I read, this is an amazing book. Who is this, Kinslow? She goes, oh, he's my ex-boyfriend. I'm like, what? He's some dude in Sarasota that's just like a, I don't know, modern day quiet guru. And he wrote a book called When Nothing's Working, Try Doing Nothing. And it's such a beautiful play on words that I appropriate. When nothing's work, so what's working? Nothing. Work, great. Then try doing nothing. Try doing nothing. When you do nothing, you move away frequency of problem, and you create space for the energy of the solution. Einstein talks, he said, we cannot solve problems the same level we can't create it. So the closer you get to your problem, the more you push on it, the more you're in the same vibration, the same frequency of it. And so the solution therefore must be to step away, get into the frequency of the solution. What's the frequency of the solution? The beautiful things in your life. Because all the beautiful things in your life were once not there, and that was a problem. The problem was solved. You materialized beautiful things in your life. They are the solution to the previous problems that are no longer there. So go spend time with the things you love in your life. The battle is not yours to fight. The battle is the Lord to win. So as you step away, resources will show up, solutions will show up. But most importantly, you stepping away from the problem is an act of faith. And so now you start to build the habit of faith. Every time you're willing to not do what you've been doing, the insanity, the powerlessness, the unmanageability of trying to solve the problem, and you actually do nothing, that's a new rep, a new repetition in the direction you're building faith in your stronger faith-based person, faith person. This is not a religious conversation, but as you become more faithful, you become more courageous, you become more trust. That allows you to operate in a powerful state. And lo and behold, what we often find is the problem solves itself. I stopped trying to go to doctors. After 90 days, I started feeling better and I just felt better. Well, it kind of makes sense because the whole journey of going from doctor to doctor to doctor is stressful. So if you're experiencing a stress-related condition, which is probably what doctors are telling you, then eliminating all stress is probably the best thing. And if it's stressful going to doctors, stop doing it. You can't create financial abundance and prosperity for yourself and make more money and have the right ideas and the right solutions that are gonna lead more money in your bank account if you're operating fight or flight. So stop trying to make more money. And the irony is, then opportunities and circumstances and situations will show up that'll allow you to make more money. So as we're willing to surrender and step away from the problem and let higher power do whatever it's meant to do to bring new resource, new energy to the situation, while we stop pouring energy into it, stop making problems matter, materialize, we start to feed that energy back into the other areas of our life. Lo and behold, whether it's through thoughts and ideas we have, miracles, coincidences or synchronicities, things change. Partner starts operating, children start behaving, you start feeling better, you get a raise at work, you have a business idea, ends up, you look back on it, you're rich. All of a sudden you start having ideas around passion, purpose. These are the things we're willing to surrender. What are the things we're meant to surrender? Well, is it creating unmanageability, insanity and powerlessness? Is it a habit, a psychological and emotional habit and problem that is showing over and over and over again that no matter what you do, you solve. And it's probably from there the problem is solved. There's something called the ninth step promise of alcoholics. I think it's really relevant to the core program, solvable problem, people call the Heal a Wound. The promises are what you experience. Stop trying to solve the problem because that's what we learn how to do in Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, it's not about not drinking anymore or not drugging anymore or not pornographing anymore. It's not about that. It's about doing an inventory of the unprocessed psychological side of you and using tools of the 12 step in order to transform, heal them. That helps us be stronger inside and it allows us to be willing to stop trying to solve problems to solve or hire a power job. And it's helped millions of alcoholic, drug addicts of every kind emotionally heal by letting go in God. And it's what inspired me to create the 12 steps of our whole human framework. I know many of you have been programmed. You've said how emotional it is, healing it's been, how you kind of find your life now is for the half framework. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can jump over to our website and check it out. But the promises are a beautiful anticipation past life when you learn how to let go, surrender your core program to a power greater. So I want to leave you with the ninth promise. If we are painstaking about the phase of our development, we will be amazed for we are half. We're going to know a new freedom and a new half. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience benefits others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and out fear of people and of economic purity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle. We will suddenly realize God doing us are these extravagant promises. They are being fulfilled among sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work. Those are the promise, not just of 12 Steps to Alcoholics Anonymous, but those are the promise for growth, spirit, wake. Promise can be realized. If you're willing to go of the unsolved problem and let God or your higher. I will take a double serving of Step Promises. I want that. I want you. So grateful that here allows into together. You are doing a great job. Just know that every challenge you experience, answer. Do me a favor, leave a comment. Following along YouTube, subscribe, hit bell button so you in case you love this episode. If you like someone like here, share it with them. 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