Andrea Rappaport (00:01)

There are moments in your divorce where your brain tells you, take a deep breath, stay calm. Let's take the high road here. And then there are other moments in your divorce where your brain will say, hmm, what would happen if I throat punched them right now? If you're leaning towards the ladder, then this episode of how not to suck at divorce is for you.

Here's the deal. Your ex is likely an idiot. There, I'll just say it. They're an idiot. They suck. I tell you this all the time. I hate your ex. I don't even know who your ex is, but you know what? I'm on your side. You're right. They're wrong. Fuck them. Let's go. But apparently, the court looks down on you throat punching your ex. Really anybody.

So what the hell are you supposed to do? I'm going to tell you because truth be told, when you are post-decreed, you can go tell your ex to go fuck themselves. You can. Is it the nice thing to do? No. Is it healthy for your co-parenting relationship? No.

But can you still do it? Yeah, you can. And it might make you feel better. But, if you are in the middle of your divorce process, you do not want to tell them to go fuck themselves, tell them to drive off a cliff or throat punch them. Why? Because you are only asking for your case to turn into a bigger headache.

They will become more of a wild card than they were in the first place, which got you to wanting to throat punch them. And your case will get a whole lot more expensive. So here are three things that you can do right now instead of throat punching. Number one, I want you to write down exactly what you would say to them if you could. I want you to go for it. I want you to go.

Full tilt boogie baby. Write it out. Get graphic. Give it your all. But I don't want you to send them that email.

If you want to send it to your friend, like as a joke, go for it, but make sure that you do not label the email what I would say to Chad or Brenda. You don't want that paper trail.

Maybe you and your friends all have a code word for your ex and a code word for the things that your soon to be ex does and add that to the file. But get it out and go for it.

You'll feel better. I promise

The second thing that you can do right now instead of throat punching your ex and every time I say throat punching your ex I'm laughing to myself because isn't that like such a good visual you just imagine like ⁓ punching somebody in the fucking throat. Get strategic. Number two. Get strategic. What do they really want? Think. Don't feel. Think. What do they want right now?

What are they doing? Are they just being a dumb ass because they're dumb? Or is this some sort of a power play move? What do they want from me? And do the opposite. Don't play the game. Don't give in. Unless they're just being stupid. And we all have moments where you just are around someone stupid and they're annoying and it's dumb and you want to throat punch them for being so stupid.

That's different. We're talking about when somebody does something diabolical and you're like, that makes me so angry that you just want to unleash on them. That's where I want you to think, not feel, think. What are they trying to do? What do they want from me? Pivot, do the opposite. The third thing that you can do right now is, this sounds so pathetic, anything else? Anything else? Go.

organize something. Go do something. The last thing that you should be doing is sitting and doing nothing. For me, it's usually it's getting out of the house. If I get really angry, I just want to go and maybe that's because I have like a little bit of an avoidant personality and a lot of attachment actually at the same time. It's very confusing.

But I just want to get out. I'm upset. Goodbye. I'm out of there. So maybe you have to leave the house. Maybe you're like me and you also find solace in wandering around at TJ Maxx Marshall's Home Goods. Great. I'll meet you there. Maybe you've got to go to a SoulCycle class. I won't see you there. But whatever it is that you want to do that makes you feel better, go and do that thing.

anything. so let's recap here the three things that you can do instead of throat punching your ex. Write it out. Get graphic. Make it fun. Lean into it. Go full tilt. Do not send it to them. Send it to a friend. Label it as something else. Number two, think, don't feel. If they're not just being dumb, if they are strategically

being a dick, think what do they want? Do the opposite. And the third thing, do anything. Do something. You have to get that feeling that it's energy, that it's energy that's trapped in our body. You gotta move through it. The faster that you move through it, the faster that it will move through you.

divorce is emotional, that's totally normal and it can feel like psychological warfare at times. But the more that you can move from reaction to strategy, the better and less expensive your outcome will be. And remember, throat punching your ex may feel really satisfying in the moment and like wildly satisfying, but not doing that.

and your preparation for how you're going to respond is going to serve you a lot better when in dealing with this person. So that's why even if you don't want to throat punch anybody right now, take note of what I'm saying because when you have a plan in place, when you know the minute that they make me this crazy, I know exactly what I'm going to do. You're going to react better. Plan more.

cry less. And if you're thinking, well, I don't really have a plan. I think I'm getting so angry right now because I feel like this entire divorce is taking me upstream without a paddle. Well, then you need some more support. Go get the divorce crash course. The divorce crash course is so incredibly helpful.

We walk you through our strategy behind finances, behind how you communicate with your attorney in the most effective way, behind getting the right parenting agreement in place and avoiding the biggest mistakes that people make in a divorce. Because the goal here is not to lose your mind or lose all of your money. And remember, divorce is a marathon.

It is not a sprint. There are going to be days when you're going to want to throat punch and there will be days when you don't want to throat punch. On both of those occasions, this show is here for you. Morgan and I do this show to bring you the divorce support that I wish I had when I went through this process. If you like our show, please rate and review us. There'll be a direct link in the show notes to where you can do that.

If you don't have the Divorce Crash Course, go grab the Divorce Crash Course. Join our private community. Hey, the private community is the perfect place to vent about your ex. Go there. You're safe there, and you are safe with us. And remember, you have got this, and we, my friends, have got you.