00:00:07 Nazish: What if gratitude wasn't something we had to practice or perform or push ourselves into? What if it is simply arose like breath? When love feels real and alive within us tonight we explore gratitude not as a discipline, but as a natural overflow.

00:00:27 Nazish: Welcome to inner peace Betterhealth the space where we explore the mind body connection and the quiet shift that restores us from inside out. I am your host and today I'm joined by Wendy Bauer, a storyteller, mother of two adults, daughter she adores, a love lover of nature and the arts, and someone who models transformation through vibrant, faith rooted living. When he speaks about gratitude not as an obligation, but as a natural outcome to an authentic love relationship with God. In this conversation, we'll explore how gratitude can move something we try to force into something that gently unfolds within us. Wendy, I'm so great to have you here.

00:01:16 Wendy Bower: I'm so thankful to be here.

00:01:20 Nazish: Wonderful. So, Wendy, um, when you think about gratitude in your own life right now, not as a concept, but as a lived experience, what does it feel in your body?

00:01:35 Wendy Bower: Well, it feels like love and I. That's why I have made such a connection with it. Because, um, if you ask anybody, what's the absolute best feeling in the world, they're going to say feeling loved. No matter what, exactly as I am. And, um, I mean, there's lots of wonderful feelings, but if you could only pick one, it would be being, at least for me, it would be the feeling of being totally, unconditionally loved.

00:02:13 Nazish: I agree with that as well. If something if someday if it was about me to pick something, yes, I would want it to be love as I think many of my listeners would also want.

00:02:26 Wendy Bower: Yes.

00:02:27 Nazish: So yeah, I'm curious. Many people treat gratitude almost like self-improvement task. Journaling it, listening it, trying to stay positive. What do you think we misunderstand when we approach gratitude as something we have to work at?

00:02:44 Wendy Bower: Well, I tried all those things. And, you know, for some people, some of those things work, and that's wonderful. For me, it was especially when life got Overwhelmingly difficult, and I didn't have even some basic things. Um, you know, the closest people in my family I was estranged from with a situation that I could not, um, I had no control over. And, and and I had. And then I got a cancer diagnosis. I had all kinds of financial loss. And I started finding. Few things that I could be thankful for. You know, when life is going well. And, um, anyway. But, you know, you get enough things going difficult. And, um, those practices for me weren't working or more. It felt like I was being fake. I didn't I'm so into my inner beliefs, aligning with my feelings and creating powerful strongholds in my mind. And I could say things I was grateful for, but because of some really major, significant things that other people had, they had their health or they had their, uh, closest loved ones or whatever. Um, I wasn't having that feeling of gratitude, and it just felt like more of a performance. I felt like a fake, and it wasn't changing my feelings. To just focus on things that were didn't seem as meaningful or important as the things that I was lacking. And so I'm a very spiritual person and, um, Usually when I would get to places like that, I would distance myself from God. I would feel disappointed and be like, okay, I don't get you God. And so I'm just going to distance myself. But instead I chose to. I was learning about, um, creating strongholds in your mind and the promises of God. You know that he is always good, that his plans for me are good, that he is always loving in his ways. It didn't feel that way when I was going through cancer treatment. My cancer treatment was really hard on me. It's five years now and I'm good. But um. Anyway, when I started, I chose to believe that God was good, to believe that God loved me in any situation I was in. And as I started, uh, speaking those beliefs out loud And inviting myself to into allowing myself. I was already invited into relationship with God, but I allowed myself to draw closer at a time when I would have distanced because I was disappointed. And what started happening is, um, I became more and more aware in details of things that were happening, of how invested God was in every moment of my day, that that his love was right there. And, um, and then from that feeling of being loved, I would start feeling, oh, thank you for this. Thank you for that. Thank you for the color pink. You know, it was just like it wasn't trying to be grateful. It was learning to receive and trust and believe I was loved by the creator of the universe.

00:07:06 Nazish: That sounds so powerful, I must say. You know, it is like the gratitude can't be layered on top of disconnection. You know, it's not a mask for pain. No, it is something that emerges when love feels real, you know, and truly shifts the foundation of this whole conversation. Amazing.

00:07:29 Wendy Bower: Yeah. And, you know, um, I grew up in the church. I, you know, knew Jesus since I was five, but I didn't. I knew in my head, but my heart did not, did not understand how deeply I was loved. And so, um. And so gratitude in, in a, you know, uh, spiritual context, sometimes gratitude can or or more of a religious kind of context. Gratitude can become something you're striving to gain God's approval. So if I say all the right things. Oh, I'm supposed to say thank you here, you know that. Then I will earn God's approval. And it's nothing about earning approval at all. It's about just resting and trusting and being one hundred percent authentic. Um, I recently learned from Erwin McManus that, um, the most powerful frequency, when people ask in communication what they think the most powerful frequency is, they think love. But actually the most powerful frequency is authenticity. And then love is right under that. And so if I'm not being authentically grateful and I'm saying to God, oh, I thank you that I can go through this cancer journey and learn a lot, but I'm not feeling that way. Truly. First of all, God already knows I'm being fake. But secondly, that's not it's not going to move God's heart, and it's not going to shift my heart either.

00:09:31 Nazish: the way you said that God already knows. Yes, he already knows. So true. Yeah. So, you know, you describe gratitude as a natural outcome of authentic love relationship with God. So how does that relationship, rather than discipline, become the route.

00:09:51 Wendy Bower: It's by fully trusting for me. I know different listeners will have different spiritual beliefs and so I'll just share mine. And um, for me, it's believing that when Jesus gave his life for me on the cross and shed his blood, that accomplished everything. I don't I can't earn it. I can't earn, I can't be good enough. I can't, um. You know, just make peace happen within me. Jesus accomplished it by giving his life and being resurrected from the dead. And the resurrected Spirit of Jesus lives in me. And I rest in that. And I trust that he will do that good work in me and I don't need to earn it. And this is not something I learned from childhood. This is something that, um. As I got older and learned more about what different scriptural passages mean, um, it's very freeing to realize I don't. I can't earn anything, and I don't have to. So that might not make sense to some people of different beliefs, but that's what works for me.

00:11:29 Nazish: Absolutely. You know, it's all about what make you go through. And, you know, there might be some people who might share this similar belief, and there might be some people who might get motivated and find that belief in their god.

00:11:43 Wendy Bower: Exactly.

00:11:44 Nazish: Yeah. So. And if, uh, it feels distant from. And if someone feels distant from God or disconnected spiritually, does gratitude feel harder or just quieter?

00:12:00 Wendy Bower: For me, all I can speak of is for myself. Uh, for me, that disconnected, not feeling loved kind of feeling makes my gratitude both quieter and less. Because if there's not love and trust, I. You know, I just think of anybody giving me a gift. Um, if there's somebody that I don't really trust, um, that gives me a a gift. And it may be a nice gift. It may be an expensive gift, but I don't trust them. I'll be thankful. But. It's there's there's an there's part of it missing that only a trusting relationship can bring. It could be a a very fleeting kind of surface kind of gratitude. But a deep, deep gratitude for me comes when there's trust. And, you know, it can help build trust. If you get a gift that's meaningful. You know, if you really think that somebody put thought into it and and that but but still, um, I just think that, um. It's so my, it's so my foundation anymore just to be operating from that place of love that, um. Gee, it's hard to think of before I really felt so connected and loved. Yeah, my gratitude just was quieter. I didn't feel such a, you know, like I call it gratitude attack. My book is Gratitude Attack. I called it gratitude attack because the gratitude comes on me so strong and, um, that it's like this force, you know, a heart attack is something negative. There's a decreased blood flow to the heart. But a gratitude attack for me comes when there's this huge increase of blood flow into my heart. And I can't contain it, and it just flows. That kind of gratitude isn't quiet, it isn't quiet, and it isn't. What was the other word you used? Quiet. Oh, and it's a lot more than it used to be.

00:14:45 Nazish: It is. And that is so true. You know, this is so reassuring that gratitude does not demand perfection. It grows in relationship. Even imperfect relationships.

00:14:56 Wendy Bower: Oh, totally. In fact, that's the only kind of relationship I do because I'm imperfect and I don't put anybody on a pedestal and I don't put expectations on others. And so the greatest gift someone can give me and I can give them is our authentic selves. Now, let's also add to that their respectful selves. You know, you we can be, um, you know, we can disagree. We can have different beliefs. We can have different opinions. We can have different perceptions of the same exact situation and we can be authentic and respectful at the same time. And so.

00:15:47 Speaker 1: Absolutely.

00:15:48 Nazish: Absolutely, I couldn't agree more to it. You know, for someone listening in right now who feels exhausted by self-improvement, who feels like gratitude is just another box to tick. Where do would you invite them to begin differently?

00:16:06 Wendy Bower: First of all. Find connection to God, to ourselves, and to others. And. For years, uh, you know, I just had loss after loss after loss. And I was just in just a lot of difficulty and I. Didn't even. This was back before, you know, there's so much information out there now about your nervous system and about, um, getting yourself regulated. But, you know, I didn't have access to that in the days when it would have been helpful, although I found it eventually. But even without, you know, being able to, you know, understand that I needed to learn more about my nervous system. I felt like God kept leading me to.

00:17:17 Speaker 1: Go.

00:17:18 Wendy Bower: To to this river near where I lived in Virginia. I don't live there anymore. I almost felt like him, like, you know, calling me like, come spend time with me at the river. And what I found is I would sit there and I would, you know, pour out my heart. If I was sad, I would cry. If I had concerns,

00:17:40 Nazish: I completely believe, you know, that. That reframing feels so regulated when we feel loved and gratitude does not require energy. It feels like resting and not performing.

00:17:51 Speaker 1: Yes. Yes.

00:17:53 Nazish: Okay, so let me ask you something else. Life isn't always vibrant. There are two seasons of loss, confusion, even anger towards God, like you said. So how does gratitude survive in those moments without becoming denial?

00:18:11 Wendy Bower: Oh, that's such a good question. And, you know, it's such an important question. Because if we don't deal with our anger in a healthy way, we become sick and and we end up hurting others. And, um, so that was a big key for me because I was quite angry with God or just disillusioned, but truly, deep down, just angry. I felt like I didn't deserve things to turn out so difficult for me. You know, I thought I had done all the right things. so that's where it comes into being one hundred percent authentic. God can handle it. The creator of the entire universe, me screaming at him. He's not fazed. I feel like I feel like. he is most pleased when I am one hundred percent honest. And if I say because what he wants most is connection relationship, it's not about performance for me. Jesus already did it. It's about relationship. It's about trusting. And when I can say, um, you know, you've got to be kidding me that you're allowing this to happen, and, and your word says you are good. Um, by having that conversation with God and not suppressed, not denying it, not suppressing it by getting that out. Uh, Jobe certainly did that for a lot of pages in the Bible. You get it out. And, um. And for me, again, like, moving my body so much is helpful to me. And it's all in learning, in how I was learning to regulate my nervous system and and get my nervous system in that calm place, um, you know, do something active to get the anger out, but act active. That's good for my health. Productive. You know, I do a lot of, uh, walks in nature and, um, you know, it it feels good at times to cry, you know, get the crying out when I'm walking or whatever. But, um, anyway, just getting getting it out. Then I ask for an exchange. I, I lift my hands up to God and I'll say, please, I, I don't want this anger, you know, it's there. I don't want it. Please exchange it for peace. Exchange it for joy. All those things that you can do in me by the power of your spirit, exchange it. I don't ask him to exchange it for gratitude, I. I usually ask to exchange it for joy or peace. And and I usually end up getting both. And, um, so I might have to do that practice more than once in a day. If there's something really major that's gotten gotten me very upset or angry. But I never advise, um, you know, denying it or suppressing it. It's very wise, though, to take time to process, you know, process it, let the feelings come. Acknowledge them. Give them respect. Hey, you know, a feeling in itself is not something bad. Um, it's just a messenger telling us something needs attention. So I. I find time and again once I let the anger out or the sadness or whatever, and then ask God to do the exchange, I can't. I don't want to get into practices where I'm striving to make myself different. I just ask for the exchange and it comes. And it might not come immediately, but oftentimes it does. Just seeing I'll get a vision in my mind of, um, God's like, tremendous joy over me just to be with me, just so God grateful that I was honest with him and valued my relationship with him so much that I trusted him with my ugly feelings and knew he would love me even in this, you know, messy place, you know? That alone, just getting a vision of of him just delighting over me will totally shift it for me. But it's never about, you know, I don't ask God. Make me more grateful. I don't ask him that.

00:23:23 Nazish: Absolutely. That sounds so amazing. You know, it feels important to believe that gratitude is trust. Not as a mood. Something steady beneath the waves. Yes. And that kind of gratitude probably supports our health in ways we don't even consciously realize.

00:23:41 Wendy Bower: Yeah. You know, I told you, I, um, I call myself a cancer overcomer. Um, but, you know, everybody expected it to come back for me, and it hasn't. But I live in this place of love and gratitude, and I think that helps me a lot. Supports my health a lot.

00:24:02 Nazish: Yeah, absolutely. So, Wendy, if our listeners want to connect with you, hear more of your storytelling or follow your work, where can they find you?

00:24:12 Wendy Bower: Well, my website is author Wendy Bauer. That's b o w e r dot com. And my book, Gratitude Attack is on Amazon, Barnes and Noble online. Uh books-a-million. Online Walmart online Christian book distributors online. So, um, either my website or you can through my book. Oh, I'm also on Facebook and Instagram too. Um, yeah. I'm also on Facebook and Instagram too. It's just Wendy Bauer b o w e r.

00:24:49 Nazish: Absolutely. That sounds amazing. I will make sure to include all these details into the show notes, so that a lot of people can reach out to you and connect with you and learn more from you. So thank you. You know, thank you so much for spending this evening with us on inner peace, better health. And, you know, as you move through the rest of your evening, maybe the release of pressure to practice gratitude, you know, instead notice where you feel held, where beauty touches you and where color speaks to you.

00:25:19 Wendy Bower: Exactly. I will you too.

00:25:23 Nazish: And our listeners as well. Dear listeners, gratitude may already be waiting there for you quietly. Until next time, take care of your inner peace and your whole self. Thank you so much for joining us on inner Peace. Better health.