1 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,880 The ventral vagal safety state of the polyvagal theory may not be 2 00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:10,054 easily accessible, especially if you exist in a traumatized state. 3 00:00:10,054 --> 00:00:14,504 And it's maybe even more difficult to deeply settle into it and experience 4 00:00:14,524 --> 00:00:16,274 for extended periods of time. 5 00:00:16,274 --> 00:00:19,904 I'll discuss what the safety state is, the spectrum of how the safety 6 00:00:19,904 --> 00:00:22,844 state can be used and when to do so. 7 00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:25,409 This will give you a framework for where you're at, what you 8 00:00:25,409 --> 00:00:26,979 can handle, and next steps. 9 00:00:27,359 --> 00:00:28,849 My name is Justin Sunseri. 10 00:00:28,869 --> 00:00:34,399 I am a therapist, a coach, and the creator of the Polyvagal Trauma Relief System. 11 00:00:34,699 --> 00:00:37,579 Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, where I teach you how to live with more 12 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:42,259 calm, confidence, and connection without psychobabble or woo woo. 13 00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:46,979 This podcast is not therapy, nor is it intended to be a replacement for therapy. 14 00:00:47,579 --> 00:00:51,569 First things first is what is the ventral vagal safety state? 15 00:00:51,569 --> 00:00:56,149 According to the polyvagal theory, the ventral vagal safety state is the 16 00:00:56,149 --> 00:01:01,729 state of your body when it's prepared to connect with others or connect with 17 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,299 yourself, connect with the present moment. 18 00:01:03,519 --> 00:01:04,819 It's all about connection. 19 00:01:05,249 --> 00:01:09,909 The safety state utilizes the ventral vagal pathways of the 20 00:01:09,919 --> 00:01:11,659 parasympathetic autonomic nervous system. 21 00:01:11,659 --> 00:01:15,419 The safety state's active when you're safe in a safe environment, 22 00:01:15,539 --> 00:01:18,519 when you're with safe others, or even when you're in solitude, like 23 00:01:18,519 --> 00:01:20,139 when you're alone, but you're safe. 24 00:01:20,139 --> 00:01:23,509 This is when the safety state comes on, and it evolved within us in 25 00:01:23,519 --> 00:01:25,599 order to connect with each other. 26 00:01:26,009 --> 00:01:28,579 Mammals require connection. 27 00:01:28,579 --> 00:01:32,959 We rely on each other and the safety state is the thing that facilitates that. 28 00:01:33,459 --> 00:01:36,949 The safety state's also responsible for "health and growth and 29 00:01:36,949 --> 00:01:41,239 restoration," which is something that the polyvagal theories creator, Dr. 30 00:01:41,239 --> 00:01:43,019 Stephen Porges says so often. 31 00:01:43,719 --> 00:01:48,199 What that means is that it's responsible for self regulation, homeostasis. 32 00:01:48,889 --> 00:01:53,449 The polyvagal safety state optimizes our body's, uh, resources. 33 00:01:54,229 --> 00:01:58,189 So it uses resources for health and growth and restoration rather 34 00:01:58,189 --> 00:02:00,179 than for defensive measures. 35 00:02:00,679 --> 00:02:05,469 So it better utilizes the same resources versus using it for defense. 36 00:02:05,469 --> 00:02:09,129 But for some people, the safety state is not easily accessible. 37 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:15,789 They might not have much contact with their, their safety pathways at all. 38 00:02:15,999 --> 00:02:18,909 Day in, day out might be very little, if any. 39 00:02:19,909 --> 00:02:25,219 And this really depends on the context of your current life, but also of your past. 40 00:02:26,204 --> 00:02:29,684 If you are currently living with someone who is actually dangerous 41 00:02:29,754 --> 00:02:35,854 or emotionally manipulative, toxic, that's going to really challenge your 42 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,694 ability to access your safety state. 43 00:02:37,714 --> 00:02:40,194 Actually, probably won't happen in that context. 44 00:02:40,889 --> 00:02:47,179 BUt it also depends on how your past impacts your current state. 45 00:02:47,579 --> 00:02:52,429 So you might be stuck in a state of defense, flight, fight, shutdown, freeze. 46 00:02:52,429 --> 00:02:56,489 You might be stuck in one of those states of defense, maybe even, it might 47 00:02:56,489 --> 00:03:00,689 have even been for like years at this point, maybe even decades, honestly, it 48 00:03:00,689 --> 00:03:03,199 potentially could last a very long time. 49 00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:06,959 So if you're stuck in a defensive state, then accessing your safety 50 00:03:06,959 --> 00:03:08,739 state is a lot more challenging. 51 00:03:09,719 --> 00:03:14,689 And when you do, because you do at times, but when you do, it's extremely 52 00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:17,089 uncomfortable and it's lost really easily. 53 00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:22,679 Or when you do, other emotions come along with it that need to be felt, 54 00:03:22,689 --> 00:03:28,419 like sadness, or abandonment, or shame, all kinds of stuff is going to come up 55 00:03:28,589 --> 00:03:30,879 from your past that needs to be felt. 56 00:03:31,079 --> 00:03:33,989 And so when you access safety, you easily lose it. 57 00:03:33,989 --> 00:03:38,309 I've been playing around with this idea of a safety state spectrum. 58 00:03:38,779 --> 00:03:43,704 Basically, What does it look like when we have zero safety and how do 59 00:03:43,704 --> 00:03:48,774 we deal with that all the way over to tons of safety and how do we get that? 60 00:03:48,774 --> 00:03:52,744 So in my mind, this makes sense on a spectrum and I have four points 61 00:03:52,744 --> 00:03:54,514 here for you on the spectrum. 62 00:03:55,304 --> 00:04:00,599 And the first one is using mindless coping strategies when it comes to 63 00:04:00,619 --> 00:04:03,049 moderate to severe dysregulation. 64 00:04:03,069 --> 00:04:07,509 So basically there's no safety state activation or no significant 65 00:04:07,919 --> 00:04:09,249 safety state activation. 66 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,869 The dysregulation is moderate to severe. 67 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:19,279 It probably would be felt like a panic attack or high level of anger, high 68 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:24,399 anxiety, overwhelm, stress, but not just like a little bit of stress, like a lot 69 00:04:24,399 --> 00:04:26,109 of stress to the point of overwhelm. 70 00:04:26,109 --> 00:04:28,409 I would call that severe dysregulation. 71 00:04:28,419 --> 00:04:31,159 Of course, things could get worse, but we will call that 72 00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,169 moderate to severe dysregulation. 73 00:04:33,169 --> 00:04:36,559 So, if this is happening, that means you're too far into your 74 00:04:36,589 --> 00:04:37,989 defensive state activation. 75 00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:42,139 If you're feeling panic, then you probably have a really good amount 76 00:04:42,139 --> 00:04:43,849 of freeze going on in your system. 77 00:04:44,369 --> 00:04:46,499 If you're feeling angry, there's too much fight. 78 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:51,354 If you're feeling too much If you're feeling high anxiety, there's 79 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,424 probably too much flight activation. 80 00:04:53,424 --> 00:04:56,684 Overwhelm and stress are probably also freeze, I would argue. 81 00:04:57,404 --> 00:05:00,394 When it comes to the moderate to severe dysregulation, there 82 00:05:00,404 --> 00:05:02,054 is no safety state activation. 83 00:05:02,654 --> 00:05:05,384 And doing so is very challenging for anybody. 84 00:05:05,384 --> 00:05:10,874 So, at this point, what you probably will do and have done are just, like, 85 00:05:10,884 --> 00:05:16,404 mindless coping strategies that probably involve, like, distracting yourself, 86 00:05:17,144 --> 00:05:22,234 maybe numbing the dysregulation, checking out, maybe focusing on something else. 87 00:05:23,064 --> 00:05:29,174 Things like doom scrolling through social media or watching, you know, those reels, 88 00:05:29,174 --> 00:05:35,039 those one minute video clips, binge watching some sort of series, maybe 89 00:05:35,039 --> 00:05:39,849 you're using food, like over eating, or even reading can be used as a mindless 90 00:05:39,849 --> 00:05:42,239 way of dealing with dysregulation. 91 00:05:43,029 --> 00:05:47,469 Really immersing yourself in reading endlessly can be a way to distract 92 00:05:47,519 --> 00:05:48,959 yourself from what's happening inside. 93 00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:53,389 So there's tons of ways that someone might cope, and none of these are 94 00:05:53,499 --> 00:05:55,119 bad, I'm not saying that they're bad. 95 00:05:55,119 --> 00:05:58,989 But they're not exactly activating of the safety state. 96 00:05:59,019 --> 00:06:02,099 They might help reduce the dysregulation, but they don't really 97 00:06:02,099 --> 00:06:04,019 ground somebody in their safety state. 98 00:06:04,599 --> 00:06:10,739 If you're panicking and you turn to doom scrolling through your phone, that can 99 00:06:10,739 --> 00:06:13,449 help maybe reduce or cope with the panic. 100 00:06:13,449 --> 00:06:17,489 But that doesn't mean that you're necessarily ready to have a real 101 00:06:17,509 --> 00:06:19,029 connection with somebody in that moment. 102 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,789 The safety state is still probably not online enough. 103 00:06:22,289 --> 00:06:26,459 So again, these things are not bad, but they're also not really 104 00:06:26,589 --> 00:06:30,079 experiencing the present moment because the safety state's not on. 105 00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:33,979 So I would call these mindless coping strategies. 106 00:06:33,979 --> 00:06:39,009 If there was safety state activation, the defensive activation 107 00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:40,769 wouldn't be as dysregulated. 108 00:06:40,779 --> 00:06:42,059 It wouldn't be as out of control. 109 00:06:42,719 --> 00:06:46,699 It also wouldn't be a mindless experience that you'd be having, and you probably 110 00:06:46,699 --> 00:06:51,389 wouldn't be trying to escape the defensive activation or trying to numb it. 111 00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:55,879 So that's the extreme end of our safety state spectrum here. 112 00:06:55,879 --> 00:06:58,029 And a lot of the people that come into my courses in my community, 113 00:06:58,029 --> 00:06:59,189 this is kind of where they're at. 114 00:06:59,929 --> 00:07:00,679 And that's real. 115 00:07:00,679 --> 00:07:01,259 It's valid. 116 00:07:01,759 --> 00:07:04,599 We're not going to judge it or try to shut it down. 117 00:07:04,889 --> 00:07:06,219 Let's just recognize it for what it is. 118 00:07:06,249 --> 00:07:10,149 And maybe you can put a little point on your spectrum and say, yeah, this 119 00:07:10,149 --> 00:07:12,279 is where I'm at more often than not. 120 00:07:12,279 --> 00:07:17,389 It may help to realize then that your capacity for really immersing yourself 121 00:07:17,389 --> 00:07:21,889 in safety and connecting with yourself in the present moment is very limited. 122 00:07:22,389 --> 00:07:23,389 There's no need to judge it. 123 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:26,749 We just recognize it for what it is and then maybe work on 124 00:07:26,829 --> 00:07:28,649 the next step on the spectrum. 125 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:33,679 The next step on the safety state spectrum is using safety 126 00:07:33,679 --> 00:07:36,579 cues with mild dysregulation. 127 00:07:37,079 --> 00:07:40,549 Cues are different than anchors, which I'll talk about in a little bit. 128 00:07:41,129 --> 00:07:46,899 Safety cues are mostly passive and can trigger your safety state. 129 00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:48,949 It can help to turn it on, basically. 130 00:07:48,949 --> 00:07:53,629 So safety cues might help to reduce that defensive state activation. 131 00:07:54,129 --> 00:07:57,149 But safety cues are not like doom scrolling. 132 00:07:57,549 --> 00:08:02,019 A safety cue would be something that your senses pick up, like dimming the lighting, 133 00:08:02,479 --> 00:08:07,439 or having a candle on that provides a passive cue of safety through scent. 134 00:08:07,439 --> 00:08:10,589 Safety cues are great to have at all times because it just kind of provides 135 00:08:10,589 --> 00:08:15,429 that nice platform of passive safety, but you could also use the safety cues 136 00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:17,689 when it comes to mild dysregulation. 137 00:08:17,979 --> 00:08:22,089 If you're in moderate to severe, it might still be kind of helpful, but I 138 00:08:22,089 --> 00:08:23,229 don't think it's going to do a whole lot. 139 00:08:23,729 --> 00:08:26,529 And you'll know that you're in mild dysregulation. 140 00:08:26,749 --> 00:08:30,699 You can identify it because you'll have emotions that are uncomfortable, 141 00:08:30,709 --> 00:08:33,354 but for the most part tolerable. 142 00:08:33,704 --> 00:08:35,764 They're noticeable, but they're not too much. 143 00:08:36,084 --> 00:08:42,754 So like irritation, anxiety, frustration- those might be things that are noticeable 144 00:08:43,214 --> 00:08:48,514 but they're not going to send you into a spiral of panic or overwhelm Safety 145 00:08:48,514 --> 00:08:53,564 cues might help to reduce the intensity of these defensive state emotions. 146 00:08:53,564 --> 00:08:56,294 The safety cues that you're going to use or have at your disposal 147 00:08:56,294 --> 00:08:58,354 around you are pre planned. 148 00:08:58,354 --> 00:09:01,274 They're just kind of there For the most part they can just kind of 149 00:09:01,294 --> 00:09:04,484 exist like you could have the right type of lighting in your home. 150 00:09:04,904 --> 00:09:09,504 You can have the right sense or music playing for for audio. 151 00:09:10,004 --> 00:09:14,554 They're just kind of there and they can help to reduce the defensive 152 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,934 activation, but you can also use these in a pre planned kind of way. 153 00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:22,954 You can have like a regulation station That is filled with things that you know 154 00:09:22,964 --> 00:09:27,244 will help to trigger your safety state and to reduce the defensive activation. 155 00:09:27,244 --> 00:09:31,914 So in this regulation station, you might have that texture that just kind 156 00:09:31,914 --> 00:09:37,434 of feels right or that certain thing that reminds you of a happier time 157 00:09:37,434 --> 00:09:38,934 where you felt safe and connected. 158 00:09:39,434 --> 00:09:43,064 Your regulation station might have sensory things like the right smell. 159 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:48,124 Things that you can go to to help reduce the irritation or 160 00:09:48,124 --> 00:09:50,844 the anger or the mild stress. 161 00:09:50,844 --> 00:09:54,844 So then the safety cues can be either passive or active. 162 00:09:54,914 --> 00:09:58,504 You can have them in the environment just providing you with passive cues of safety. 163 00:09:58,504 --> 00:10:00,384 Again, which I recommend pretty much all the time. 164 00:10:00,394 --> 00:10:01,694 I think it's a great idea to have there. 165 00:10:02,359 --> 00:10:06,859 And in my building safety anchors course, I teach you how to set up environmental 166 00:10:06,859 --> 00:10:09,729 safety through these passive safety cues. 167 00:10:10,229 --> 00:10:15,219 But these safety cues you can also use more actively, and that would be 168 00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:19,309 through mindfully experiencing and really focusing on what's it like 169 00:10:19,309 --> 00:10:25,729 for me to touch that blanket that feels right, or to smell that candle 170 00:10:25,739 --> 00:10:27,679 or that spray that you like so much. 171 00:10:28,529 --> 00:10:30,419 So it's passive because it's there. 172 00:10:30,794 --> 00:10:33,074 but you can also focus on it and make it more active. 173 00:10:33,074 --> 00:10:38,784 So at this point in the safety state spectrum, the goal is to reduce probably 174 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,874 or to eliminate the defensive activation. 175 00:10:42,254 --> 00:10:43,254 You're not really welcoming it. 176 00:10:43,254 --> 00:10:45,604 You're not trying to really feel the defensive state activation. 177 00:10:45,974 --> 00:10:48,534 You're not really making space to have safety and defense 178 00:10:48,544 --> 00:10:49,884 active at the same time. 179 00:10:49,884 --> 00:10:53,674 These cues that you're setting up are intended to reduce or hopefully even 180 00:10:53,674 --> 00:10:56,324 eliminate that defensive state activation. 181 00:10:56,324 --> 00:11:00,274 So you're basically getting through the moment, but it's not with mindless coping. 182 00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:02,934 It is more of mindful coping. 183 00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:10,354 The third spot or point on our safety state spectrum is using safety anchoring 184 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:14,484 while allowing for defensive activation. 185 00:11:14,899 --> 00:11:20,889 So the point here at this point, three out of four, is not to dismiss or 186 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:25,509 to reduce or eliminate or ignore the defensive activation, but actually to 187 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:30,919 allow it and maybe even mindfully feel it if you can handle it, but we're 188 00:11:30,919 --> 00:11:32,959 gonna do that while anchored in safety. 189 00:11:33,419 --> 00:11:34,839 So we're not trying to get rid of it. 190 00:11:35,019 --> 00:11:37,859 We're actually actually letting it be there. 191 00:11:37,859 --> 00:11:41,059 So, at this point, we're doing more than just setting up passive 192 00:11:41,059 --> 00:11:45,649 safety cues, we're actually trying to settle more deeply into safety. 193 00:11:45,699 --> 00:11:48,739 At this point, we want to feel connection. 194 00:11:49,424 --> 00:11:52,474 Connection with ourself, connection with the external environment, 195 00:11:52,864 --> 00:11:56,574 maybe connection with somebody else through co regulation, but also 196 00:11:56,594 --> 00:12:00,824 even allowing and feeling connected to the defensive state activation. 197 00:12:01,324 --> 00:12:05,694 If you're doing this, at this point of the spectrum, point three. 198 00:12:06,509 --> 00:12:10,759 If you're doing this, you can, this unlocks the ability to use pendulation, 199 00:12:11,059 --> 00:12:15,699 which is the ability to go from safety to defense, if you want to. 200 00:12:16,259 --> 00:12:19,729 So you can feel your safety state, but then also choose to 201 00:12:19,729 --> 00:12:21,309 feel your defensive activation. 202 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:26,089 And then choose to go back to your safety state and do like a bookend kind of thing. 203 00:12:26,089 --> 00:12:29,259 At this point on the spectrum, you'd be able to recognize where your 204 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,799 defensive activation lives within you, but also where your safety 205 00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,439 activation lives within you as well. 206 00:12:35,359 --> 00:12:40,659 So if you want to do this level of safety activation on the spectrum, 207 00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:44,389 and you're interested in doing pendulation and going from safety 208 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,129 to defense to safety to defense. 209 00:12:46,129 --> 00:12:51,439 It's really helpful and actually pretty darn necessary for titrating 210 00:12:51,899 --> 00:12:55,929 stuck trauma and titration means releasing it a little bit at a time. 211 00:12:56,789 --> 00:13:00,589 Through the process of pendulation, you can actually start to titrate to release 212 00:13:00,589 --> 00:13:05,329 a little bit of that stuck defensive activation a little bit at a time. 213 00:13:05,329 --> 00:13:10,449 Pendulation and allowing both safety and defense also is necessary for 214 00:13:10,459 --> 00:13:15,684 welcoming Uh, returning sympathetic activation, so coming out of shutdown 215 00:13:15,724 --> 00:13:20,924 into flight fight, you have to, I think it's helpful to be able to pendulate. 216 00:13:21,054 --> 00:13:25,254 Pendulation is really more for stuck freeze trauma, I would say, but I 217 00:13:25,254 --> 00:13:29,424 do think it's helpful for coming out of shutdown into flight fight again, 218 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,884 or into fight more specifically. 219 00:13:30,884 --> 00:13:36,214 Point three on the spectrum here, which could involve pendulation is also helpful 220 00:13:36,234 --> 00:13:41,354 for, maybe even necessary for, building the strength of your vagal break. 221 00:13:41,674 --> 00:13:46,264 The vagal break is the influence of your safety state on your heart. 222 00:13:46,264 --> 00:13:50,384 It helps keep your heartbeat at a calmer pace, even in the face of what 223 00:13:50,384 --> 00:13:52,494 would otherwise be dysregulating. 224 00:13:52,494 --> 00:13:55,864 So it's the ability to tolerate more defensive activation, we'll 225 00:13:55,874 --> 00:13:59,114 put it that way, without losing access to your safety state. 226 00:13:59,854 --> 00:14:04,054 So at this point, being here where you can allow defense and allow safety 227 00:14:04,884 --> 00:14:08,524 while going back and forth between them can help to build your capacity 228 00:14:08,744 --> 00:14:10,224 or the strength of your bagel break. 229 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:14,234 But at this point on the safety state spectrum, you really already have to 230 00:14:14,234 --> 00:14:15,984 have a good amount of safety there. 231 00:14:16,349 --> 00:14:21,369 You have to have a strong enough vagal break to allow the defensive state 232 00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,659 activation without getting sucked into it. 233 00:14:24,159 --> 00:14:27,189 So you can see at the beginning of our spectrum there was no safety 234 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,739 state activation or almost none. 235 00:14:29,299 --> 00:14:33,109 And now we're at 3 out of 4 which requires a pretty good amount of it. 236 00:14:34,019 --> 00:14:38,229 So if you're just starting out on your trauma recovery journey and 237 00:14:38,229 --> 00:14:41,639 you notice that you're constantly in a defensive state, And you 238 00:14:41,639 --> 00:14:43,749 can't allow it while being safe. 239 00:14:43,779 --> 00:14:47,579 That's because your safety state, your vagal break is probably 240 00:14:47,579 --> 00:14:49,169 just not strong enough yet. 241 00:14:49,169 --> 00:14:53,849 It may have nothing to do with you and your value as a human being, how weak 242 00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:57,899 or how strong you are, but instead it might be more about your safety state 243 00:14:57,969 --> 00:15:00,349 and its ability to tolerate defense. 244 00:15:00,349 --> 00:15:05,049 It is possible to get to this point of the spectrum by practicing the 245 00:15:05,049 --> 00:15:10,409 last one, which was being in your- practicing having safety cues and 246 00:15:10,469 --> 00:15:12,789 experiencing those safety cues. 247 00:15:13,289 --> 00:15:16,059 As you practice that and build the strength of your safety state, 248 00:15:16,079 --> 00:15:20,109 eventually you'll be able to do this third point here, which is being in 249 00:15:20,109 --> 00:15:21,959 defense and safety at the same time. 250 00:15:22,459 --> 00:15:25,689 And if you can do that, then the defensive activation, not only will 251 00:15:25,689 --> 00:15:29,809 it not be dysregulating, but it won't really be a hindrance to you. 252 00:15:29,849 --> 00:15:32,849 It'll, it'll be there, but you'll still be able to function. 253 00:15:33,389 --> 00:15:36,309 You'll be able to have compassion for your defensive activation while 254 00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:39,774 you also just live a normal life and do whatever you need to do it. 255 00:15:39,794 --> 00:15:45,064 It won't be as disruptive to your daily functioning or at all, maybe. 256 00:15:45,564 --> 00:15:52,584 So on the other extreme end of the safety state spectrum is using safety anchoring 257 00:15:53,444 --> 00:15:55,974 To deeply immerse into your safety state. 258 00:15:55,994 --> 00:16:02,044 So a much fuller more robust experience of your safety state of connection. 259 00:16:02,794 --> 00:16:06,454 When you're deep enough into this, you can have connection with yourself, 260 00:16:07,074 --> 00:16:09,034 with your inner world, all of it. 261 00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:12,004 Not just the good stuff, but also the stuff that feels not so good. 262 00:16:12,674 --> 00:16:15,574 You'll have connection with the present moment, with your senses. 263 00:16:16,124 --> 00:16:19,884 And you'll also have, potentially, probably, or possibly, 264 00:16:20,454 --> 00:16:21,914 connection with other people. 265 00:16:22,464 --> 00:16:25,174 Or maybe other mammals like your pets. 266 00:16:25,674 --> 00:16:30,859 When you're deep enough in your safety state, you can comfortably access your 267 00:16:30,869 --> 00:16:33,689 mixed states of play and of stillness. 268 00:16:33,729 --> 00:16:35,169 You can be silly and be okay with it. 269 00:16:35,169 --> 00:16:39,819 Someone in my community today said that she feels silly or she allows herself to 270 00:16:39,819 --> 00:16:44,379 be, to feel silliness when she's deeply enough immersed into her safety state. 271 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,889 But you can also access stillness, which is the ability to be 272 00:16:47,889 --> 00:16:49,309 immobile and be okay with it. 273 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:53,569 When you're deep enough in your safety state, you can meditate and be curious 274 00:16:53,569 --> 00:16:55,469 about your inner world without judgment. 275 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:59,969 You can allow whatever is inside of you to be there without judgment, without fear. 276 00:17:00,469 --> 00:17:02,279 And you can feel it with compassion. 277 00:17:02,919 --> 00:17:05,099 And that even includes defensive state activation. 278 00:17:05,109 --> 00:17:09,349 And that even includes stuck trauma that might still reside within you. 279 00:17:09,849 --> 00:17:12,899 When you're deep enough in your safety state, you can have an appreciation 280 00:17:12,909 --> 00:17:17,849 for life, for other people, you'll have an experience of awe, at least 281 00:17:17,849 --> 00:17:21,349 for me, that's what comes up for me a lot, is appreciation and this 282 00:17:21,349 --> 00:17:24,169 experience of awe, of really of existing. 283 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:27,669 In this state, when you're deep enough, connection's not scary, I think before 284 00:17:27,669 --> 00:17:32,579 this point, the idea of connection is terrifying, even the word connection for 285 00:17:32,609 --> 00:17:36,009 someone else in my community, she said, the word connection is terrifying for her. 286 00:17:36,509 --> 00:17:39,709 But when you're deep in your safety state, you're not scared of it, and you actually 287 00:17:39,719 --> 00:17:44,189 have this impulse to connect with others, with yourself, with the environment. 288 00:17:44,699 --> 00:17:47,079 You sort of seek it out without choosing to. 289 00:17:47,349 --> 00:17:48,629 Your body is just ready for it. 290 00:17:49,419 --> 00:17:51,949 Very difficult to get to this level of safety. 291 00:17:52,579 --> 00:17:56,779 I think it requires that, obviously, you purposefully practice and 292 00:17:56,779 --> 00:17:58,639 mindfully experience your safety state. 293 00:17:59,139 --> 00:18:01,789 Then allow and feel defensive state activation, build the strength 294 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,639 of your vagal brake, and then get to this point where you could 295 00:18:04,639 --> 00:18:06,559 even go even deeper into safety. 296 00:18:06,559 --> 00:18:11,279 But again, very difficult, and it is a long process, and it requires a really 297 00:18:11,279 --> 00:18:13,169 strong safety state to get to this level. 298 00:18:13,589 --> 00:18:18,759 So when you're hearing people talk about, you know, don't let your joy go, or 299 00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:23,654 find things that make you happy, have healthy boundaries, empower yourself. 300 00:18:23,664 --> 00:18:26,644 All of these things come from a really strong safety state. 301 00:18:27,104 --> 00:18:29,574 If you're not there yet, that's okay. 302 00:18:29,634 --> 00:18:31,244 It just means you're not there yet. 303 00:18:31,824 --> 00:18:36,564 You're still progressing on the spectrum toward these like 304 00:18:36,604 --> 00:18:38,624 points three and four you are. 305 00:18:39,394 --> 00:18:40,614 You're progressing there. 306 00:18:40,644 --> 00:18:45,234 Your body does want to allow safety and defense to exist at the same time. 307 00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:49,764 Your body does want to have deep moments of connection with yourself and with 308 00:18:49,764 --> 00:18:51,094 other people and with the present moment. 309 00:18:51,094 --> 00:18:55,054 Your body wants to naturally self regulate in that direction. 310 00:18:55,054 --> 00:18:55,484 It has to. 311 00:18:55,484 --> 00:18:59,444 It's a, as an organism, that's what it's evolved to do. 312 00:18:59,944 --> 00:19:03,254 So you might not be that far along on your spectrum, and that's okay. 313 00:19:04,044 --> 00:19:05,714 The word yet here is really important. 314 00:19:06,214 --> 00:19:08,844 No matter where you're at, I think practicing being in 315 00:19:08,844 --> 00:19:09,994 safety is very important. 316 00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:12,994 I think setting yourself up with passive safety cues in your 317 00:19:12,994 --> 00:19:14,434 environment is very important. 318 00:19:15,334 --> 00:19:20,044 I think mindfully having little micro moments of connection can be helpful. 319 00:19:20,824 --> 00:19:23,464 And that might just be using your senses to detect what you 320 00:19:23,464 --> 00:19:27,784 feel more goodness of versus more badness, to put it very simply. 321 00:19:27,784 --> 00:19:32,654 And eventually the level of stuckness that you have in your system will get less. 322 00:19:33,154 --> 00:19:38,114 You know that being stuck shows up in many different ways, anxiety and 323 00:19:38,134 --> 00:19:42,484 anger and depression, overwhelmed panic, fear, and a bunch more. 324 00:19:42,494 --> 00:19:47,084 So if you're ready to move down the spectrum toward that deeper sense of 325 00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:50,724 safety and connection, even if you're not, even if that scares you, but you 326 00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:55,444 want to move in that direction, I invite you to consider subscribing to my Stuck 327 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,074 Not Broken Total Access Membership. 328 00:19:58,074 --> 00:20:01,824 In the membership, you'll get my three courses that are built on the 329 00:20:01,824 --> 00:20:03,384 knowledge of the Polyvagal Theory. 330 00:20:03,884 --> 00:20:06,624 I call it my Polyvagal Trauma Relief System. 331 00:20:07,124 --> 00:20:10,544 You'll also have the option of connecting with myself and 332 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,174 other people in the community. 333 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:15,554 We do meetups twice a month where it's like an open Q& A. 334 00:20:16,054 --> 00:20:17,474 Plus, there's a second podcast. 335 00:20:17,544 --> 00:20:19,944 There's a whole bunch of stuff that you get to really deepen your 336 00:20:19,944 --> 00:20:23,494 learning to get the connections, the light connections that you need 337 00:20:24,314 --> 00:20:25,744 in a way that feels right for you. 338 00:20:26,244 --> 00:20:31,594 And it helps you to move down the spectrum toward getting unstuck and accessing 339 00:20:31,594 --> 00:20:33,664 your safety state more and more and more. 340 00:20:33,664 --> 00:20:35,404 So thank you for being a part of my podcast. 341 00:20:35,424 --> 00:20:39,454 And I look forward to welcoming you as a member of my total access community. 342 00:20:39,454 --> 00:20:41,074 I also have tons of freebies for you. 343 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,934 If you go to my websites, JustinLMFT. 344 00:20:43,434 --> 00:20:46,054 com, I have a members center there. 345 00:20:46,464 --> 00:20:50,574 And in that member center, there are learning hubs and there are 346 00:20:50,574 --> 00:20:51,954 some resources you can download. 347 00:20:52,454 --> 00:20:52,654 JustinLMFT. 348 00:20:52,654 --> 00:20:53,054 com. 349 00:20:53,074 --> 00:20:58,084 It's a free membership, member center, head over there, sign up and yeah, 350 00:20:58,084 --> 00:21:01,874 start downloading and taking in even more stuff to deepen your knowledge. 351 00:21:01,874 --> 00:21:04,404 Fellow Stucknaut, I do hope that this episode has been a helpful 352 00:21:04,404 --> 00:21:08,114 resource for you in learning about and applying the polyvagal theory 353 00:21:08,194 --> 00:21:10,284 to your trauma recovery journey. 354 00:21:10,874 --> 00:21:11,134 Bye. 355 00:21:11,274 --> 00:21:14,714 This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or 356 00:21:14,714 --> 00:21:16,314 be a replacement for therapy. 357 00:21:17,114 --> 00:21:20,494 Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. 358 00:21:21,324 --> 00:21:24,784 Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are 359 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,694 experiencing mental health symptoms. 360 00:21:27,524 --> 00:21:30,384 Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life 361 00:21:30,384 --> 00:21:33,894 advice, it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.