andrea (00:00)

Tell me if this sounds familiar. You have a meeting with your attorney, you nod your head, you agree on a strategy, you shake hands, you leave, you get in the car, and then you start to think, hmm, do I really agree with that strategy? Do I really want to go in that aggressive? Am I being aggressive enough? Or even worse, do you have that moment where you think, I don't even know what the hell just happened?

Because I was too embarrassed to admit that I didn't understand. my god, you guys, this happens all the time, and this is a mistake that can get so expensive. So, we're gonna unpack all of this on today's episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce.

Morgan Stogsdill (01:24)

So you know we had bad storms here yesterday, right?

andrea (01:27)

my God. My backyard is a disaster. My backyard looks like the inside of somebody's divorce.

Morgan Stogsdill (01:34)

Right. And they came out of nowhere. I mean, of course, the, you know, people on the news are like, no big deal. It might rain for an hour. And then all of a sudden it's like Armageddon for like a full hour out of nowhere. Right. Was that not nuts?

andrea (01:46)

The gates of hell.

Morgan Stogsdill (01:47)

Yes. And first of all, Andrea and I want to say if you were affected by these storms anywhere in the United States, we are sending our thoughts and prayers. And I'm also sending myself thoughts and prayers because I don't have any power.

So I was sleeping in my basement on the couch. And you can imagine what a good night's sleep that is to come into the office the next day, just raring to go, getting ready, putting your makeup on in the dark is so fun with your horrible iPhone light. I mean, it just really started out my day great.

andrea (02:19)

That explains that ex

Morgan Stogsdill (02:24)

What are you gonna say? I thought I looked okay today.

andrea (02:27)

No,

you do. But when I first saw you, I was like, we are really living for that blush today. And now I know why. You look so you are like,

Morgan Stogsdill (02:35)

I want to look alive. Yeah.

andrea (02:39)

wake up, Mr. Sister. Yes, girl, I cannot believe

Morgan Stogsdill (02:43)

Yeah.

andrea (02:43)

that you had to sleep on your

Morgan Stogsdill (02:48)

And here's the sad reality. I might be sleeping there again tonight. So you never know. But now I do know. Thank you for being a good friend and telling me I have too much blush on because tomorrow I will tone it down in the dark.

andrea (02:59)

In the dark. Listen, like a lot of our listeners right now, they're sleeping on couches and doing their makeup in the dark. So so I too was up all night on the couch, not because of we had power, but I was hanging out with my kids who are having big feelings late at night because when else, when else do you have big feelings? So here we are.

You might be having some big feelings right now too, and those feelings are a hundred percent allowed. You don't get a divorce without them, and they can cost you a lot of money if you don't speak up when you are having a meeting with your attorney.

Morgan Stogsdill (03:41)

what we're talking about here is the people that have lawyers and they go into those meetings and you have a really good meeting and you're nodding your head. And as lawyers, and I can attest to this, I think, my gosh, we are on the same page. They like the strategy, they are following where I'm going. They're nodding. The meeting goes great. An hour later, they leave the office. And then it all happens,

andrea (04:05)

you get in your car and you're thinking about everything that was said and you're like, I don't really know that I agree with all of that. that feels really aggressive for me. Or that doesn't feel like enough. Or I don't even understand what they just said, but I didn't want to look stupid. And so I nodded my head. But fuck.

Morgan Stogsdill (04:29)

Yes.

andrea (04:30)

What do I do now? So then you get home, you make yourself a dirty vodka martini, you drink it, you make yourself another dirty vodka martini, which BTW, Morgan, when are we going to find that bar that does them table side with like the dry ice explosion?

Morgan Stogsdill (04:50)

when I'm off my couch.

andrea (04:52)

When you're off your couch and fingers crossed, green olives don't develop some sort of like gut-wrenching bacteria virus, because that will really take me down because you and I will not stop. Okay, you've had two vodka martinis, and then you fire off an email to your attorney saying either A, I don't get it, or B, I don't like it. Now you have just basically paid for that meeting twice and then some.

Don't do this, you guys. If something doesn't make sense, raise your hand. Be the big kid and say, you know what? I don't know that I get this. Or I have to tell you guys it's not fully feeling right to me. Help me understand more.

Morgan Stogsdill (05:40)

one thing you said is one of the strategies you walk out the door and you're like, that feels really aggressive. I don't want to do that. That feels just like icky, right? One of the things you could say in the meeting to the lawyer is, hey, remember when we sat down at the beginning, I told you that I really wanted one of my goals was to keep this amicable. How does this strategy meet that goal? What

could the other side perceive like what's the risk? What could the other side say or perceive that this is not meeting those goals? Or what's our risk that the other side could do once we do this strategy?

andrea (06:13)

And you always talk about that, Morgan. You always tell people, make sure you say to your attorney, I want to know what the presumed response will be from this. If I do this, we know that this is chess. What do we think their move will be? When you ask that question, and then your attorney gives you their thought, and it's something that makes you go, Blug, say that out loud. Say, okay, I have to be honest. I don't like that. Now.

Your attorney may say, Andrea, I hear you. I know you don't like it. And this is still the best guidance for you. And here's why. Then at least you know, and you can take some time to digest. It's also okay to say, you know what, Morgan? I can't walk away from this meeting right now saying, Yep, absolutely, we can do this. I need to digest. I need to think. Can we circle back to this? And can we?

Can we correspond either by phone or via email by Tuesday? Because I do need some time. The reason why that's important, you guys, is if you don't do that, if you tell your attorney, green light, let's go, their team is now working on a strategy. That time that they are putting in to work on that strategy is time that you are going to be paying for.

Even if you change your mind, especially if you change your mind.

Morgan Stogsdill (07:39)

that's right. remember, you are the driver of the bus, not literally a bus driver, but you're the driver of the bus of your divorce. So when your lawyer says, This is what I recommend, and you say, I don't like it, and your lawyer comes back to you and says, I get it, but I really do recommend this is the plan. This is what we have to do. You ultimately can say no. Now that again might come with its own risks, and you have to think that through. Like a risk could be the lawyer says, Well, then you know what? We're not a good fit.

I don't want to work with you at this point because I don't think I can achieve your goals. That's like the worst thing that could happen. But again, I want you to know that these are risks that are out there.

andrea (08:16)

And that's okay. If you have an

Morgan Stogsdill (08:18)

Yes.

andrea (08:18)

attorney say then I don't think we're a good fit, that might be a blessing, you guys, because maybe you're not a good fit. You don't want to align yourself with something that's not gonna be the right choice for you. So just talk, ask the questions. Don't be aggressive when you ask the questions, but don't stay silent. Staying silent will end up costing you more.

Morgan Stogsdill (08:41)

I want to wrap up with two other additional tidbits and pieces of information on this quick mini episode. If you walk out of the meeting and you're like, I have no idea, and this is the second time I've had no idea of what's happening, ask your attorney in the meeting or on an email, hey, after the meeting, sometimes I feel like we talked about way too much and I just can't keep it all down. Can you recap an email for me about what we talked about?

I do it all the time. It's so helpful for a client. Yes, you're going to pay for it. But again, that's money in my mind, well spent if you're truly not comprehending everything that's happening in the meeting. And let me tell you, it's usually a lot. That's not a you problem. It's a lot of things that you are not used to doing. That's not what you do. You don't do the law every day. So if you're not getting it, ask for a recap email. One other point. If

Let's just say you're one of those that, you know, continues to email constantly or you're worried constantly, ask your lawyer. Uh-huh.

andrea (09:37)

One of those

Morgan Stogsdill (09:39)

Well, there are there are clients in different spectrums. You know, I might get an email from a client once every two weeks or a call once every two weeks. I might get an email from a client daily. It depends on the case. It depends on the client. So if you're the one that's really frazzled, sending the daily emails, not feeling like you're being heard, really concerned.

You can always ask your attorney, and I do this at as well, set up a weekly standing appointment See if I can set up a weekly standing 30-minute call where I don't have to send a million emails. I have all my lists of questions and we talk about it at that point. And again, after that call, if you want and you're willing to pay for it, you can always ask the attorney to recap your conversation.

andrea (10:19)

during half of what you just said, I couldn't stop thinking about blush. So I think there's a blush that I really want to show you that I love. This has nothing to do with your love for blush. You've always loved blush. I blush just looking at you. But there is this Korean skincare slash makeup company. I don't know what it's called. I could never pronounce it even if I wanted to, but it's like a jelly kind of texture, and I'm obsessed with it.

So I think what we're gonna do, Morgan, when we're done with this episode, I want you to send me some of the blushes that you love. I'm gonna post the ones that I love and we'll do some stories in our social media about blush. Because whether you are sleeping on the couch and doing your makeup in the dark, or you are living with the lights on like the rest of the modern day world, you might need some support beyond your divorce. I don't know. So speak up.

Don't agree to things in a meeting if you don't understand them and ask the right questions. And grab a new blush. Why not?

Morgan Stogsdill (11:24)

I don't know what to tell the men out there that don't use blush, but apparently I've used way too much today. So I'm just ready to wrap up this meeting and this day. And apparently it's only halfway through the day.

andrea (11:35)

the men out there might want our dirty martini recipe. Because I mean,

Morgan Stogsdill (11:39)

That's actually yes.

andrea (11:41)

listen, whether you drink dirty martinis or you wanna impress somebody at some point in your life with the most amazing, first of all, I wanna find this. Is what I'm gonna do for you guys and girls. I'm gonna find this bar that did that video that I sent you of that. I was about to say pool side, not pool side, table side dirty martini that like.

Like blue up in front of them because I still think about that. And let us know. Do you guys have a favorite vodka? What what makes the best dirty vodka martini? That's our that's one of our go-to drinks. We love blush and we love olives. That's it. Guys, divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint.

Morgan Stogsdill (12:26)

Every day is not an easy day. Some days it's day by day. Other days it's hour by hour. But that is okay. You are getting through this. You are on the train. It's left the station and it will have a destination. It just might take a little bit.

andrea (12:40)

Make sure you click the subscribe button. If anything you heard on today's episode felt remotely relatable, we would absolutely love that. Join the private community. Get your little paws on the divorce crash course if you don't already have it, because it will save you so much money. You will avoid so many really, really expensive mistakes. Lean on us.

This is exactly why we do this show. We're here to help you think. We're here to help you laugh. We're here to give you that support and guidance that you need and deserve as you navigate something that's really freaking hard. And remember, my friends, you have got this.

Morgan Stogsdill (13:24)

And we have got you.