andrea (00:00)

my god. Your co-parent just did something that didn't totally suck. I know. I was just as surprised as you are, but here's my question. Did you thank them? Because if you didn't, you may be missing one of the

Easiest opportunities to improve your co-parenting relationship. I'm gonna tell you more on this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce.

So I want to challenge you with something today because I know it's gonna make some of you kind of cringe. Please don't cancel me. Are we still canceling people? I don't even know if that's a phrase anymore. But hear me out. I tried this myself, it's going well.

The next time your co-parent does something remotely thoughtful or flexible, or simply just doesn't make your whole life a lot harder, I want you to thank them. Okay. I know some of you are already rolling your eyes

But I'm serious. Just thank them.

I know that they might not deserve a thank you. I know that they're just doing the bare minimum. They're doing just what they're supposed to be doing, fair. Maybe they are. But can I ask you guys something? Don't you like being appreciated? They do too. And this isn't about whether they've earned a gold star for basic parenting 101. And this isn't about forgetting everything that they put you through.

And it's not about forgetting the past or anything like that. It's just understanding how we work. We repeat positive behaviors that get acknowledged. And I know it sounds like I'm training a dog right now. And I promise this is not about treating your ex like a labberdoodle or a burnadoodle, but my God, how cute are burnadoodles. Think about your kids. If your kid cleans their room without being asked and you say, hey.

I noticed that you did that. Thank you. That was awesome. What are the chances that they're gonna do it again? Probably a whole lot higher than if you completely ignore the fact that they cleaned their room. Adults are not that different. Now, before anybody twists my words around, I am not saying that you should thank your ex for existing. And I'm not saying that you send them a message that says, wow, thanks for the child support.

Thumbs up emoji or hey there, great job showing up at your kid's own soccer game. No, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about something that they've done that might have made co-parenting a little bit easier. Maybe they kept you updated if a kid was sick. Maybe they

Let something go instead of turning it into World War III. Maybe they showed up on time. Maybe they didn't give you total hell when you were a few minutes late. Whatever it is, I'm just saying you don't need to write them a haiku. Just say thank you. Just let them know that you appreciate it. That's it. Because what you're reinforcing is that you want to see more of that behavior.

And I'm telling you, it makes things so much better because they're expecting the snappy message from you. They're expecting the sarcastic text message. They're expecting the eye rolls. But when they get appreciated instead, it changes the entire tone of the relationship. Not for a long time, just for a minute, but even that minute will help you.

Not gonna change everything, but I'm telling you, you guys, that it's gonna help. And this is not being weak, this is a strategy. We say this all the time. The goal here is not to win against your ex, the goal is to raise healthy kids. So if one simple sentence makes your co-parenting world

Easier. And if it makes it easier for you to communicate with this person whom you legally have to communicate with any way, then that's a pretty good return on your investment. It really costs you nothing. Okay? So the next time that your co-parent does something that genuinely helps or doesn't suck, just tell them. You don't need to give them a trophy. Just

Say something nice. Just say, hey, I really appreciate that. That I'm telling you can make things so much easier. I want you to try it. I want you to try it, and I want you to report back.

Also, bonus, it makes you feel better too. It makes you feel better when you're nice. So give it a whirl, huh? Do it for me. Do it for your old pal, Andrea, at How Not to Suck a Divorce. And while we're talking of doing me favors, could you click that little subscribe button in the top corner of your screen? that would mean so much to us. The subscriptions, the follows, the the

Comments, the reviews, they help our show grow. And we are so appreciative. We really are. And I we say this all the time, but it's God's honest truth. We are so grateful that we get to be a really small part of your world. It means so much to us when we get messages from you.

Morgan and I talk about them. It all means a lot to us. So thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for supporting our podcast. Thank you for being in our private community, for buying the divorce crash course. The divorce guided meditations are coming out any day now. Keep your eyes peeled. We're really, really proud of those. And remember, divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint. You are not gonna wanna

Reward your co-parents' behavior every day. But some days you will. Just ride the wave. There are going to be moments where this gets so much easier, and there are going to be moments that are really hard. And we are here for you every single day. And remember, even when you think you can't, you can, and you are. You have got this, my friends, and we have got you.