Hello, hello and welcome to the borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, and I'm very excited to

be sharing my first interview with john esteen. John esteen

was sentenced to 150 years of jail time. And he shares his

story. He shares how in a tremendously hopeless situation,

he was able to fight for himself, he was able to see the

light and to focus on the vision he has, namely to be reunited

with his family and to live life and freedom. I find it very

important to say that the Borealis experience podcast is

not only about inspiring talks, and meditations, it is also

inviting people from all walks of life to talk with me, and to

share their story to inspire other people, to help them grow

to help them make the changes they want to see in their life,

and to relate to make you guys and girls out there. feel less

alone. So feel inspired now lean back and enjoy this wonderful

conversation I had with john as seen this morning. Take good

care of yourself. By

Okay, I'm John Esteen. I'm from Louisiana. I was served 20 years

on 150 years sentence on a nonviolent drug offense. I was

on NBC dateline covering my story. It was amazing story. And

I like to share with others in hope to help somebody else in

their life, maybe encourage them, inspire them do some

positive in life, we have no doubt we never give up you can

achieve your purpose in life. Also, I'm president and founder

of Andy second when nonprofit organization and I'm very proud

of and the purpose of that is to help those coming home and women

to take the burden from them of the normal things that we have

to accomplish when we come out that normal people said or

citizens would do, like getting the license, transportation,

mental health services, education and things of the

like. And that's why I hope to in doing that. I hope to lower

the recidivism rate, because people that come home from

prison within two to five year span, they find themselves back

in prison. And we want to curtail that. That's the purpose

of that power station. Yes, ma'am.

That is so so beautiful. Thank you, john. Like, would you say

that when you come out of prison that like there's a lot of talk

about PTSD, right posttraumatic stress disorder that people like

all of them suffer from the stress that happens in the

prison and to get back into life to get back to their families.

Sounds very beautiful and romantic and it's awesome but

it's also very scary and can bring up a lot of I don't know

is it anger? Is it sadness is a depression How was it for you

when you got out like it was a huge fight like legal fight to

get you out on time to for you to not be serving over 100 years

but the day you found out that you get out again How was it for

you were you scared nervous or just excited

and mixed it was a guess both excited in fear yeah excited to

be know my family after so many years hand I'm having how it

ended the house I can't be part of always long have that in

dropped about then participate in that and now I'm having this

opportunity when I was coming home so excited about that.

Yeah, the fear thing is it's dealing with the potion medic

stress disorder.

Yeah.

Thank you wouldn't you experience a lot of things in

prison also you're in a controlled environment for so

many years. So you depend on you find out depended on a system to

a certain extent, your life you know, you when you wake up you

go to bed Yeah, he, in the light things that the light, every

moment of your life is pretty much controlled. And you have a

sense of freedom in Angola because it's like a city of his

own. But at the same time, you'll find out that you are in

a controlled environment, we'd be lucky out put you in a

dungeon, and things like that. And reality really sets in. So

you're really not really, really not free, even though it might

feel as though the environment might feel like a free book by

actual ality and not sort of fear me coming home. The things

that your customer customers are doing in prison. These habits

you're gonna develop, you find yourself students still doing

these things when you're home.

Yeah, I'm certain

to you. Like I go to a hospital. If I go to an appointment,

instead of me saying appointment, I will say call up.

So had to get over there took me a while to get over the sand. I

have a call out and people looking at me call out. It's a

call out. Excuse me. I'm I mean appointment. You see, you know,

I mean, that things, the small things like that, you know, you

realize that it's been ingrained. You've been

institutionalized. Yeah, not knowing it. So that's a

psychological thing about it. You know, you, you find yourself

doing things not really noticing that you're doing it. So some I

pointed out to you. Yes, ma'am.

Yeah. And while you were serving, you say serving? Were

you a spiritual person before? Already? And it helped you

through? Or did you have a moment in jail where you started

praying or started having like, mental practices to to not go

crazy to stay sane? Did you grow up in a religious in a spiritual

family? Or did you learn over time, too, because you come

across as a very, very grounded, like, sweet soul person?

Well, um, you know, surprise me by saying that a lot of people

even in prison security guards in inmates are like, what was

telling you don't belong here, man. You different, you know,

you see, you know, they see the lighting, you may know what

you're doing here. So I hear that a lot. And I grew up in a

beautiful household, Catholic household, grew up Roman

Catholic, went to Catholic schools. I went all the way up

to my temporary year, my junior senior went to public schools by

choice. And I want to go into Nicholls State University to

play football. By switching schools are kind of like last

educational platform, pretty much the same. I mean by that is

that I didn't have college preparatory courses, get a full

scholarship to college. So that led me to make another bad

decision in my life, which I call bad decision is to join the

National Guard to offset the costs to go to college. I've got

a partial scholarship for football, and I needed something

else to pay for the rest. So I'll say when we go National

Guard, it sounds good. And they pay the rest, which it works. It

works for the for the most part, but I didn't know that would be

employed to go to war while in college. So that kind of

backfired on me. Yeah, that derailed my dream to being

playing in the Football League once in one day, you know, so

always I still think about it day if I wouldn't went to the

war. What I what I made it to the NFL, so I still go to my

mind.

Yeah, so feelings of regret. And yeah, maybe anger towards

yourself. And where were you sent to war?

Saturday again, ask that again. Ma'am.

Where would you send To sir?

I was sent to Saudi Arabia. Dharan. Okay in 19 9091. I got

there with just turn on one. Well, it was it was it was the

war was pretty quick at the site. And when we were being

bombed, and we had to sit in these annex courts were no

windows can see what's going on. So you don't know if the bombs

gonna hit you or not. But all you hear sirens going off and

heading to chemical Sudan because they didn't want to

shore up their chemicals in the water here is that was been

blowing up exposing their Senate to was our way. And that alone,

I got tired. I got to the point where I just like, say, forget

about it, then do it all this time, no chemicals and why would

they have it now and I stopped putting my chemical suit on. But

that was short lived because the guys that was in the annex court

would mean they kind of came together and talk to me say man

put your chemical suit on, we think we should put it on

persuading people My Chemical shoe back on. And but at that

point, I felt like that was the turning point in my mental

factors. At that moment, because I didn't care anymore. It didn't

matter. I always, always was thinking my family. Something

happened to me here. You know, how am I my future wife,

daughter, my son, my mom and dad, people that loved me always

put my mind I was contact them. Not knowing if I'm gonna go home

again. I got tired of that. You know, so I just cut just cut

everything off. At that moment right there. I snapped. Yeah,

yes, ma'am.

and for how long? Have you been away from home then?

Well, at that time, I was like seven and a half months have

gone. by seven and a half months. I was over there.

And then you came back home.

I came back home had to be like June, July, maybe august of 91.

And when I came home, I worked for my mother, my mother, lady

who owns racetrack Jepson downs and the fairgrounds. And we did

like beautification there. We did mess with plants with plant

plants and no shrubberies. And that was really my first real

job that I really had. Yeah, other than then I became a

killer in the race grind were sold tickets and racehorse

tickets and stuff like that. Yeah, so I got rid of das. I

stopped doing that when I got when I know. That was pretty

cool. No, that was really I was kind of like, and see that will

live. Shortly after that. I was I was late to my first time

getting convicted, going to the feds. Um, see, I had a lot of

pressure on me. I really couldn't cope. I really would

think more pressure Come on me. I kind of like I get disturbed

real bad. You know, I feel I can't cope. What the average the

average thing and I couldn't stand nobody challenged in me

mentally. This is a lot of things that this I couldn't I

couldn't want to buy tell me anything. Yeah, it was

especially my own mind. I'm thinking I'm writing my own

things my time otherwise, I really kind of it balls my

blood. So when I got to the point where I felt that thing

was coming, like financially speaking, you know, I had a

number to a friend of mine that was in a drug game. And he said,

whenever you pay me Just call me you know, come holla at me, but

he said that because initially I refused him, even though he

showed me all kinds of money. But I was working at the time

for my mom, girlfriend. My sisters was like a family thing.

So but eventually I got into it and that to the point work just

started my my crime spree. You know if you want to call it

that, but I really believe that it all stems coming from war

because I was doing a lot of stuff in Saudi Arabia. That

along with me, and I came back to the state side like we was

going through to get to a place called Bahrain. I'm not if you

familiar Bahrain, Bahrain, sell alcohol. Yeah. NCO clothes,

people go potty. You can drink alcohol in this part of the

country. Yeah, we drive a lot. Yeah. So I wasn't sorry. I

wasn't where's the drown counties? No, alcohol. Alcohol

is illegal. Yeah, so when we do it, what we did is we started

with that great idea we young to stop smuggling alcohol across

the border and make extra money. So that story low hanging with

me right there. And other things, you know, of the like,

you know, doing things that we've posed to be doing. And

when I came home, and that was easy for me getting to doing

things continued doing things I was supposed to be doing. And

that was selling Yeah, without drugs introduced to Minnesota.

stuff called hashish. Yeah, they will have enough that ends up

there with some ndo. You know, we came in, introduced that to

my soldier. Comrades and, and I was smoking that we were

drinking moonshine with the color rice wine. Man was doing

everything. And one time. I mean, I was introduced to a lot

of stuff that never was introduced to my life.

Yeah, yeah. And it was also like you had a feeling of being a

provider and helping people cope with a stress, right? Because

alcohol helps you to, yes, process stress, and, of course,

a solution, but it's a short term relief. And that's what you

were able to provide to those guys. And all along, you forget,

oh, shit, this is highly illegal. Actually, I shouldn't

be doing that.

Right, you know? Exactly. You know, we know what was doing

wrong. But we didn't see that's another thing. We'll know what

he did wrong, but they don't know what the consequences are

behind the wrong things that you do. Yeah, you see, we haven't.

Once you know, the consequences, I think you make a new, more

rational decision to do it or not. You see this, like, when I

went to prison the first time, you know, I have got three and a

half years, and I come home. And my first time that was a lot, I

would expect them probation. So that blew my mind. Right there.

See, and when I was doing my time in Pensacola, Florida, so I

come home from that, you kind of straighten me out, I won't go

back to jail. But I wouldn't change or wanting to change

person is just I got older and wiser. But I was still the same

person that made those bad decisions prior to going to

jail. You know, just want to understand why I'm mad. And so

it was for somebody to come along us that's doing something

illegal make some extra money for me to go back into that

trap. And that's what happened. On his second challenge. Yeah.

Okay. And as I got into it, I'm not I'm not thinking about the

consequences. I know jail is a consequence, but not that much

time. Not that much jail time. 150 years, I never fathom that.

in my wildest dreams. No, I hurt anybody. Yeah. So um, so what

they did is, by me being a second Fender, they couldn't

give me life. So they gave me full count in random consecutive

it separately from one another. So give me the most time

possible. So let's say example with me. And what Another thing

I was angry about is that you send me all this time, nothing

consideration that I fall for my country. The banks that did good

and like what I was doing well with Andrew, prior to all this,

like playing football trying to provide for my family. Hello,

son. None of these things will take into consideration and my

senesin if they did, would you have gave me 100 years flat, you

know, my time consecutive for you ran together. Give me a

break there, you know, that you could done that because it still

fits to our sentencing guideline. But you don't want me

you know, and that kind of still angers me to to think about my

country will allow something like this to happen.

Yeah, yeah. And just to give us a quick idea, so you ended up

having to serve 20 years out of

how many years? Seven months? Yeah. 20 years, seven months,

man. And that's because I fought. That's because I fought.

Yeah, my word is laid down. On the last change. I have pro

eligibility, but it's not guaranteed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I

can do I can still be in prison right now waiting on another

time turn for parole eligibility going on. I have friends and it

still it has proved eligibility because they're juveniles and

got denied and had to wait another two years and then you

got to wait another five years. It's got denied again. It just

is an ongoing thing. Now promises and how to get on my

own.

Sorry.

No, I didn't want it. That's why I took it off. Yeah, okay. No

problem. No, that's why I took it upon myself to fight. Even

though I have row. I'm still fighting to get the sentence.

Yeah, because my sentence was a league in a court and our system

was saying that I had to go into pro upon rollaboard and I will

tell you the system that how do I have to go on upon parole

board to ask for a favor? Well, my sentence is illegal. And it

should be do me should earn that extra for famous upon Robo. You

just ask for favor. So I'm asking them to read to resend me

to give me my life sentence as all our accent and they will

fuse in that. And I fought and I fought and I fought until my

case became the SDN case. Now it's a big old case landmark

case now. And many people went home on my case before I even

went home. So I was still fighting when people going home

on using my case. Yes, but

that's okay. That's okay to help others. Is that

Yes, right. Love it. I would love it. You know, I just had to

fight longer.

Yeah, I'm

good day, the day you found out that you got 150 years to serve.

When? When were you mentally okay to start a fight? Did you

fight from the first day like you didn't accept it from the

first day? Or did you first go through a couple of years, a

couple months where you were like, Oh, my God, like, I'm

done. I'm lost. I got nowhere to go. Um, how long did it take you

to start fighting?

Me a few years now took me a few years still fighting. When I

first got the end goal and go like a two year early. It's like

a city of his own had a lot of distractions that sports have

everything you'd think of. And the world and society, you

pretty much have it in prison. And so that was my distractions.

I love sports. So that was my that was my way of since I have

couldn't have drugs or alcohol or know that. So sports,

provided that that comfort for me. Yes, going through I was

going through this and educate myself to always want to learn,

I want to learn by guys so I've gotten a Bible College. I got my

bachelor's degree in Christian ministry and what the harder

Carter school and now after after Bible college and I got

served certified horticultural certificate. So I did do pa

became vice president of vets club, I did this like that. I

was always in positive things. I was a boxer. I was in a boxing

team, football team basketball team, you name it, I done it.

Yeah. And I got to the point where Yeah, I got to the point

where I still have 150 years. And no, no one no one had dawned

on me is when I got no color guard, by me being a military

and veterans club, they asked me being a color guard. And we do

we do a little show and rodeo town have rodeo twice a year and

we come into the color guard and Buddha flag thing you know, do a

little show for the people and and one and also we bury our own

veterans we bury them at the core point Point Lookout is a

burial ground on Angola premises. And we got we're up

two Point Lookout three now the ground at the end of all is

people dying in there it's a lie it's reality is real. So I don't

know this guy's older white guy that went to very and his family

never couldn't afford to get them I'm assuming. But his

sister and her husband was there at the funeral got a big old

hole in the ground we around it we do a little ceremony and I'm

watching this coffin go into the big black dog hole. And and I

felt like I felt the guy's pain. And I started crying tears come

on my face. And in my my heart in my mind. I said I don't want

to die here. I woke me up that start that sparked me to fight

for my life. That's when I start cutting things off. You know

there was there will hold me up from getting my freedom. I

stopped cut these dead branches off and started focusing on a

law. Talk to me a counsels trying to get information. And

it is click one day like God gave me the answer my case and I

tried to get other inmate counsel understand none and

couldn't understand what I was talking about. That is new. I

had it and I had one inmate that that believed in me because I

was so adamant and so persuasive on and confident that this won't

work for me. And we and he worked out he worked my routes

out for me year after year after year we stuck with the same

claim. And eventually I got the reward to go take a while.

Yeah, but from that one instance where you woke up, your whole

being focus just on I want to be free. And I envision what I want

to see in my future. And I'm not going to let myself distracted

anymore.

I mess with the women and whatnot when I guys when we meet

the sisters, whatever I say, No, I can't offer them nothing.

Yeah, I see, they are there. I mean, here, what can I do for

them? See, I need to educate myself, I need to find my way

out of here, wherever, by where everything is, then I can

concentrate on that. Yeah, see, so that was my focus. Yeah. And,

and let everybody tell you and, and I did meet, I did meet, um,

my future wife, my last two years of conservation, I didn't

meet her. Um, and it was a, it was like, reason being is

because I finished all I had to do my case is all lose weight.

Because this is my I was my second term around second time

around to the Louisiana Supreme Court, I was denied their first

time there. And this is my like, to me, it was my last hope. And

I've been there a statement like 17 months waiting on a decision.

And in and in that time, a friend of mine has run a yard

where we're really close with him. But we got to develop a

friendship out there who worked out together in and got to know

him very well. And he stopped me one day and he said, he said man

you talk to you about so I say What's up? My wife is bring a

friend. And I know you don't move yet. Nobody family. All

right. No, there's so they already know. I don't I don't do

that. You say but I was thinking I was sitting on my bed. And I

was wondering who can visit with my wife best friend that

convinced come spend time with my wife. And he said as I was

laying on my bed. So someone told me Let boosting become my

nickname. I grow as my nickname let boosting, talk to her. And

when he presented that to me like that, I looked at my smile

said okay, I go visit you know what you and I'll talk to you

why friend why you spend time with your wife. I do that for

you. So I went so I was really working out really finished

everything in which is not a date. So I don't care who she is

as big as a whale ugly is I don't know what it didn't

matter.

So

I just went there, you know, with no expectations and this

free, you know, cuz it just, I'm just doing a favor. That's all I

was doing, you know, so. But what got me when I met a shoe,

she's pretty attractive young lady, you know, to me, but I was

just talking to her, you know, I got to meet her personally and

get to know the guy's wife, you know, that the meet her too. And

we go and visit was a long visit that day. You know, that

morning, I went to four o'clock that evening. So visit hotel you

buy for you. This is like a regular visiting. And anyway,

like a day in a park. You know, so that's how we treated it. And

but what got me was at the end of the visit. She walked towards

me. And I was sitting down. I remember like she can't walk and

she asked me a question. She said, Do you want me to come

back? And I said, Wow. I say See, I know what to say. I said

you won't come back. And she said she's Uh, yeah, I say we

come I want you to come back. So from that day forward, she one

of my business issues, I was a joint venture with them on the

guys visit, I was just a joint this joint in with these visits,

we got paperwork done for that. And about a month or two later,

we wound up getting her on my visit and less and she came

like, twice a month to drove like, to Ohio two hours, two and

a half hours. Twice a month. They come see me, you know, I

mean? Wow. I mean, so not knowing that, you know, I have

150 years. Yeah. And not knowing if I'm come home and I can't I'm

not sure. You know, I'm not sure right now, because I'm still in

court and I'm still waiting on this decision. been long time in

court. So it's like, last time I was in court this at the same

time and I got denied so I wouldn't I know what to think.

Yeah, but always but for my no my key was I learned I tapped

into something spiritual. I tapped into something very,

very, may benefit a lot of people while by hand is right

now I'm gonna tell you I decided to just get up two o'clock every

morning on one bed whereby sleep and kneel by my bed, my hands up

like that. And just praise God for who he is not accident from

nothing is banking them in advance for what blessings He

bestowed upon me. And they're there every night for about the

last two years of my time in Angola. And as a result of all

that, I see many doors opening I seen first a newspaper reporter

came in there and interviewed me. He wrote for the advocate

newspaper here in New Orleans. He interviewed me and he put me

he took pictures on me in a law library. He's amazed by my

story. I'm going after him, NBC dateline candidate, Dr. Mineral

and gola, not me on Angola. And they discover my story when it

came to Angola, so they call me to the warden's office and tell

them telling me NBC dateline here want to interview you. Wow,

that blew me away. Big time from me. Yes. And and I wanna go and

getting the sentence. Long story short, one can't get the

sentence and I went back to my judicial one my case and we

asked me for after 17 years well my case I go to my district

court to give me sentence the judge is a new judge. And she

refused to look at my mitigating factors last 20 years in prison

she refused even look at me actually. All she said is that

we all breach our boundaries that we're here for sentencing

not here for upon parole board. Like now she has real heart nose

and blood.

And

she sent us me to the max possible. So 150 years turned to

100 years. So all she knocked off was 50 years of my senate

and sent me back then goal. Okay, so now I'm back at Angola.

All I have nice hope is for all which I really want depend upon.

So that's my that's my guess, was my eternal but at the same

time, I had a lot of publicity at this moment, too. So either I

can go for me, or it's gonna go against me. And I'm praying that

it go from me. At the same time, keep in mind that I'm still

praising God every morning at two o'clock in the morning, just

for who he is. And that will kept me straight kept me strong

kept me focused. Yeah, because I know that I was fairly convinced

that if God wouldn't be who can be against me, I kept that in my

heart. Yes. And so now on NBC dateline got involve, they come

in and they come in my dog asleep, they fill me in there.

They if they bring me to my chapel, I forget the film I

worked at in prison. I'm like a free man already in prison. I'm

walking around with these people with the wardens and everything.

Yeah, this is you know, and and it comes to my parole hearing. I

got it. Like my role was speeded up some kind of way. I don't

know how but I was on a board came up quick. So everybody

wanted me out of there. Yeah, the system wanted me out there.

And I'm not seeing it at the time do I'm still nervous.

guys understand

you're nervous. I'm still nervous. I'm NBC dateline city

on come back and they gonna walk me to the pump roll boy being a

walk new came to my door earlier that morning before going proper

oh boy the filming you won't be watching my thoughts. They won't

know what I'm thinking. They won't know everything about me

prior to me going to that point robot parent family up they

already waiting. And the other guys up there waiting for the

parole hearings. I was a second person they go in there right

No, not taking take note of this not the first person was denied.

Oh my god. So you know how it was. I had a bad on my mind. God

on standby, no witness, you know, first guy was denied off.

So he come out he come out family crying, he crying and I

see. So he are going to call me up. Going there. Hold a dome for

my family. Come on and sit down and make a long story short

son's book funny my mama spoke for me. They asked me a few

questions. And that this the lawyer for the state of

Louisiana was the first one to question me on a board. And he

told me he let me know that he is a lawyer. And he won't ask me

a few questions. So he asked me a few questions and after asked

him, he said, it must be true. They say about you. He said, You

fought us, despite how we may have felt about you. You kept on

fighting. He said, therefore, I cannot deny you. And the other

two guys up two guys spoke they asked me a few questions. And he

said we liked the first guy we can't can't deny. So, so many

methods original guy that talked to me first a lawyer. When you

say well, granted parole may in my head hit the table. cry like

a baby.

Yeah.

Yes, that was the best time in my life. That I have so much

weight on my shoulders now has been lifted.

Yeah. So beautiful. JOHN, so we're coming to an end with with

our first meeting here. I would love to have you back. And you

also mentioned that you want to bring on a friend. Right?

Yes, yeah. See, he's, um, okay.

No, I don't know. Because zoom is gonna kick us out here very

soon. That you know, it's zoom. It's not me. One. Okay. All

right. Would you like to mention your podcast right at the end

here. And then we set up a new date for our new conversation,

maybe next week, or in a couple of days. I'm gonna share the

title of your podcast that you want to kick start.

The title of my podcast I want to kick start is out of bondage

and to success.

Yeah. And this episode here will be on the Borealis experience,

podcast. And yeah, we will chat very soon to talk about your

friend to bring him on. And to talk more about your situation

right now and

your family.

Right. Yes. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for your time

and for. Yeah, for being here. Thank you. Pleasure. Have a good

rest of your day.

You too, man.

Thank you so much. Bye, bye.

Bye.

Thank you so much for listening to our conversation here on the

Warriors experience podcast. Make sure to check out john

Astin on Facebook and his non profit organization that I will

be posting in the show notes here. Alright. Take good care of