Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience and the host Aurora. And I'm very happy to be

spending some time with you today. And posting this

interview for you with Brian Harvard. very touching story

about fatherhood, alcoholism, and the liberating feeling of

sobriety. He, at some point in his life was raising four

children, and lives now with his two biological daughters, and is

hustling through COVID struggles and home schooling, like

supporting his kids at school, and is just doing a fantastic

job. And this is why I absolutely needed him on the

show here. Because he also will tell you how much he learned

from Yeah, his journey to freedom from alcohol. Enjoy this

interview. And until very soon again, bye, bye. Now let's jump

right into this interview. Welcome. Brian Horvat. How's it

been for you, you've been in a really good place now I feel you

look very healthy, and radiant. But you also told me that there

was a time where you struggled with alcohol? Was that before

your kids? Or did you have to deal with that, during, like,

while you had kids, and then kind of struggle with your well

being and then being there for for children as well? Was it

like, all together in one? Or was that like, separate? Well,

I mean, I suppose looking back alcohol, I mean, it's always

just been kind of a part of my life in the respect that, you

know, it's just pop culture, people, you know, my parents

always had a glass of wine with dinner, and, you know, there was

always beers in the fridge. And, you know, I would not say that

they had drinking problems or anything like that, but it was,

it was always just present, right. And so it after

childhood, and they moved on, you know, I just thought, hey,

it's always normal to have alcohol around, I should have

alcohol around, you know, my first apartment seemed like, one

of the first things I had to do to really make it an adult place

of my own was to put beer in the fridge. And, you know, which

your friends quickly come over and drink on you, and you have

to replace, you know, so they got a 15 packs and 24 packs,

and, and so yeah, my, in my younger life, it was, it was, it

was just kind of there and it and it was part of the culture

with me and my friends who you know, like to have a good time

back then, you know, when we were young. But then around the

time that I, I got married and started having my own kids is

when I kind of took a step back, I wasn't drinking, you know,

every day, we didn't keep it in the house. My wife wasn't really

a drinker at all. And so there was, you know, it was just

wasn't part of my life for a while. But then when things

started getting a little bit, you know, more, I don't want to

say tough, just kind of lonely. And then boredom kind of set in.

When, you know, my wife was working nights at the pub, and I

had all the kids at all four kids at home, and they were very

young, very young. So they were all in bed by 738 o'clock at

night. And I'd have my whole evening, just myself alone

sitting on the couch, watching TV. So it became I'll just grab

some beers. And as soon became a habit, every day, I'd go drop my

wife off at work, and I'd pick up a six pack, and I'd bring it

home and I'd drink that six pack throughout the night. You know,

while I while I watch TV, and that, you know, kept me company

took the edge off the boredom and the loneliness when, when I

was just by myself. So that basically, you know, as a six

pack with a six pack a day became the normal kind of

behavior for a couple of years. And, you know, I'm a fairly big

guy. And then I mean, that wouldn't really impair me, you

know, it was just it problematic in the way that it became an

everyday habit. And by, by the time a few years went by, from

that point on, you know, the kids were getting a little bit

older and, and, you know, I was a stay at home Dad, I had my

side businesses, I drink dogs and stuff like that, but yeah, I

I, I just found myself with more opportunity to drink and all of

a sudden, you know, six packs in the beer stores turned to eight

packs. They, you know, they the six packs went away, and they

all became eight packs. So that six pack just became an eight

pack a day. And, you know, things just kind of slowly, you

know, became comfortable at that pace. And then just like That my

marriage ended just all of a sudden. And I was just hit like

a ton of bricks. And so my wife decided to leave our home, leave

our house and went and you know, got her own place. But I, you

know, I was a stay at home Dad, I didn't have any income

whatsoever. And being a stay at home Dad, you know, I was

claimed as a dependent on her taxes, I wouldn't get Child Tax

or anything, even though I still had all four kids at home. So I

was now in a desperate fight for survival, literally, how am I

going to pay the bills at this house, how am I gonna feed these

kids every day, I don't have any money, I don't have a job. And I

don't know how to go get a job with these four kids, because

somebody's got to watch them. And, you know, my, I have a big

family, and they're very helpful where they can be, but they're

all professionals, and they all still work full time. And, you

know, there's, there's nobody, I didn't have anybody to watch the

kids, and her side of the family was not present at all. So, it,

it was quite a struggle. And, and I found that at the end of

the day, I was so, so overwhelmed that the only thing

that I could do is, you know, drink, but I waited till the end

of the day, you know, and the kids would go to bed, and then I

would I would drink. And that that became normal for for a

long time. And then then, I suppose after about a single

with the kids,

well, you know, they went through a few different stages,

you know, gee, my wife is still around for a while at her place

on the move, too. And she would take the kids, you know, for the

weekend, sometimes she'd have a weekend off work and, and stuff

like that. And that's, that lasted for maybe about a year.

And unfortunately, you know, her lifestyle developed into habits

that snowballed into addiction. And, and she, she left she just

kind of went off the radar for for years and years and years,

you know, the better part of a decade. And so, after, after

that, when she when she went her own way, my step girls went to

live with their dad. And, and I had my two and, and we just kind

of started our own our life kind of a new with no, no, no mom in

the picture. And we're just going to do this on our own kind

of thing. And that, that gave me a really, I don't know, that

really big boost of confidence and sense of value. Because, you

know, I hadn't been a provider for my family for all those

years, I'd, you know, I'd been the caretaker but not the

provider. And that's something that's, you know, ingrained in a

young guy growing up, that's something you have to do you

know, and so finally, being able to do that I got a really good

job, you know, running directional drills, doing

underground cable drops for short cable, and it was high

pain and a lot of responsibility, like the kind of

job that if I didn't show up to work, everybody had to go home

kind of thing, then so that kept me really grounded. And yeah,

then the drinkin stopped for a while, quite a long time. And I

mean, I wouldn't say stopped, I would still like my beers after

work and stuff like that, but it was the daily kind of habitual

thing. And that lasted for almost three years. Like they

worked that job and it was, you know, it paid the bills, and I

didn't need any income from from the ex wife and couldn't find

her anyways. And, you know, we just got into a comfortable

routine and the three of us and things were great for a long

time, you know, they were still they were still young, we were

all, you know, under kindergarten age. And so,

can I interrupt quickly? I don't know. If I understood right. How

did you get to that job? So from from that super desperate

situation, drinking more and more. How did you get that job?

Again? Maybe you mentioned but I

Well, it was I just answered an ad in the paper. I grew up my

dad on the golf course construction company and then so

I grew up working all kinds of heavy equipment, machinery and

stuff like that. So I know my way around, you know, the

equipment. I'm a good operator. So I saw this ad that was

actually looking for an excavator operator for this

cable crew. And I answered it and the guy just kind of hired

me on the spot. We hit it off in the Tim Hortons you know and

they started the next day. And so after a while, you know he

hired another guy. who worked as the driller and I worked as the

digger on the excavator and, and we were halfway through the year

the other guy quit and so I took over as a driller, and, and then

we hired another guy and just kind of fell in and a tight

little crew kind of formed and, and, you know, we worked

together for quite a few years until, you know, the jobs shock

cable just kind of stopped doing underground drops for a while

the jobs just disappeared. So first of all, for a long time,

there was security, you know, and, and we were all happy

together, you know, and everything was great. And then

I, you know, I got into a relationship after a few years,

that, you know, was kind of a bit Rocky, I won't, you know, I

won't give any details, I will I would anybody but, you know, it

was a person who was a full blown alcoholic. And so she'd

come home from work every day with, you know, a case of beer

for her and a case of beer for me. You know, it's, I think it's

a misery loves company thing, you know, if you're drinking

too, then you know, you can't judge me for me what I'm doing

and, and so what I found is if I, if I just paste myself, she

get all the way through hers and into the next one, and then just

become a mean, nasty person that I didn't like being around. And,

and I, you know, I had already, you know, moved out of my house

and into hers, which was a big risk, you know, after three

years in my place, and I was comfortable there and

everything, you know, and so I yeah, rested, I moved in, and

then I you know, you don't really see some parts of people

until you live together. And this is what it was. And so as a

as a coping mechanism, I thought, well, I can handle my

liquor better than her. And so I started drinking all the way

through my case, so I can drink some of hers before, you know,

so she couldn't drink too much. Because it became so hard, it

became too hard to deal with her. And there was times where

I'd have to pack my kids up in the middle of the night and put

them in the car and, and go somewhere else to sleep for the

night because she was having a fit, you know. And so very

quickly, one day, she had to go somewhere and do something for a

day. And I just had a whole bunch of guys and drugs come

pull up and we just sneaky moved me out. And I called my old

landlord and my other place hadn't been rented yet. And he

let me back in. So I got my old place back. And, but, but I've

been at her house for two months, and I've been drinking,

you know, 1518 beers a day to, you know, because of this stupid

little situation, you know, and obviously, I wasn't making the

right decisions. I was, it was a very poor decision to to go

about it the way I did. But I did, that's what I did. So here

I was, then and now I've got this habit of for two months,

I've been drinking a lot every day. And now my body's starting

to really want it, you know? And then that's and that's where it

really started. For me, that's where it got bad. And so yeah, I

from that point on I, I had a couple of periods, I think I

quit once for a few months, and then I quit and another time for

10 months. You know and and during those windows

extraordinary things would happen, you know, whole

businesses would would come out of nowhere and flourish I you

know, I when I quit drinking for 10 months, I like kind of began

delving into learning about a hobby of mine or something I

always kind of wanted to learn about which was aquaponics and,

you know, the combination of aquaculture and hydroponics and

sustainable farming and, and

with without alcohol clouding my brain, and without the other

stresses i'd previously had in my life, I just, but just absorb

all this information and that all motivation. So I started a

company building, you know, custom aquaponic systems for

people and growing foods. And it was it became a huge success and

that parlayed into kind of a secondary business where i was

growing sprouts and microgreens and packaging them and selling

them at markets and to restaurants and stores and, and

I was making like really good money, you know, but after a

while I thought so. I'm good, this alcoholism isn't a thing

anymore. And I just kind of slowly started having beers

again, every now and then. And that's slowly again, spiraled

into drinking a lot. And right around the time that that was

doing really well. I got into another relationship this time

with a you know, a really good woman. And, you know, some

things aren't meant to be forever. You know, sometimes we

hold on to things a little longer than we should I think.

And then the the sour, you know, just like food in the fridge,

kinda you know, some things have an expired agent and you

shouldn't hang on to them after that, but But that's how it was

we had a great relationship, and then it just kind of kinda ended

and, and I started drinking a lot again. So we, you know, we

had bought a house together. And, you know, she moved out

again. And so now here I am, I have all the financial

responsibilities instead of half. So my financial

responsibilities just doubled. Any buddy, I had two ever helped

me with childcare banished. And so I was back to kind of square

one again, no one, no one to keep me grounded, no at another,

no other adults in my life to tell me Don't do that. Stop it.

You know, and I did my mom, my mom was really great for you

know, recognizing when, when I'm not myself, and when I'm, you

know, depression really takes hold and I'm drinking and, and

the depression and anxiety just makes me a terrible, terrible

person to be around, you know, I, you know, just not my best

self. And so that that kind of next year after not quite a

year, I guess it only took it was a it was a very steep

downward spiral. From the time Amanda moved out to the time. I

like quit drinking. But once she moved out, it was bad a, you

know, I had money, I'd been working in a really good job and

knife, I had money in my pocket. And, and so buying liquor wasn't

a problem. And I had this anxiety, which kept me up at

night. So it became waking up at three o'clock in the morning.

You know, and I can't get back to sleep. So maybe if I just

slam a beer really quick, I'll be buzzed enough, I can just

drift off. But well, well, that beer tasted good. So I better

have another one. And then you know, by eight o'clock in the

morning, I've already drank 10 beers, you know, and I'm waiting

for the liquor store to open to go buy another box. And I say

that my tolerance was, you know, such that I could still function

throughout my day and go about my day, and a lot of people

didn't have any clue that I was drinking at all, the people who

knew me really well knew, because obviously it changed my

character. But yeah, I became a really bad problem. And so for

for about maybe six months, I was drinking about 25 beers a

day, every day. All day, you know, my all my waking hours

spent drinking, you know? And yeah, that it just kind of one

day snapped into my head, like, what are you doing grow up,

you're gonna die. And, and actually the turning point for

me because you tell yourself a lot of little lies to the, to

the point where, where you start to believe even the bigger ones,

and then eventually you're totally your whole life is a

lie. And, you know, it's somewhere inside, you know it,

but you want to do this behavior. So, you know, you put

that little voice away. And one day it was the straw that broke

the camel's back was really, I took in my recycling, I went to

go do my cans. And I had only been to the bottle depot the

week before and not the week before the month before and only

been a month or so. And I'm loading all these cases, empty

beer cases out of them, stacking them up in front of my house, my

friends coming to pick me up in his suburban because you're not

going to fit in the car. And then, you know, we had to put

all the seats down in the suburban and we packed it front

to back wall, you know, floor to ceiling and, you know, I got

back like normal $70 it's like 700 it was all beer accounts.

It's like 700 cans of beer, I drank that month.

So it was it was just a visual representation of my habit. And

I was like, like, Wow, my poor liver, like, all that's been

going through my body in a month like, so it became very clear to

me, this is gonna be nobody else is gonna raise his kids. So,

yeah, I just snapped out of it. I quit that very day. And I

haven't had a drink since about one drink since. But it wasn't

easy. The first the first five months weren't a pleasant time.

I was, I was I felt sorry for myself. I felt like I was the

only one who'd ever gone through this. You know? And, you know, I

felt like I had nobody on my side and that every you know,

that this was just and again, like I felt that his sobriety

was something that was done to me forced upon me. You know

that, that I thought that I really loved drinking. Because

it was really, you know, it was just the one thing that I made

so important. You know, other than my children, it was just my

kids and drinking. That's That's all I had. And so and because of

that, you know, had a beer in my hand all day for so long. A lot

of my, you know, habits and just my daily routine, it was all

associated with drink. And so just going about my routine

without without having that beer in my hand was was stressful

and, and it took me it took about five months for that fog

to kind of clear. But when it did, you know, what a What a

glorious thing.

Yeah. And that's been one year now. Well, I can tell you

exactly. I have a little app that

keeps me focused here. 10 months and 15 days, so 10 and a half

months? Wow. That's pretty bad as and yeah.

So

would you say that you still encounter situations where you

have to make a choice, where it's like, I'd be so nice to

have that Vietnam, but this part of your mind that like Earth and

doesn't allow you to go down? Well, so

I, the first time I quit drinking for that 10 months,

every day, every single day. But I wasn't ready yet. No, I was

doing that more, you know, to kind of appease other people

that were putting pressure on me to quit, as opposed to wanting

it for myself. And so I just couldn't wait until I felt

healthy enough to drink again. That's how it was then. Right.

And after 10 months, I was feeling pretty good. I was like,

I guess I'm ready to drink again. You know, this time, I

haven't really, since I got past that, that five month fog, and

haven't really looked back. For I wasn't and I should say one

thing it was it's, it might be kind of unusual in the alcoholic

world. Um, I wouldn't just drink anything, I only drank beer. If

I couldn't get a beer, I wouldn't drink whiskey or

anything if it was around, you know, it was just beer. And so,

and a lot of that, to me was, I loved it. But it tasted so good.

And it was so refreshing. And I just loved it how cold beer on a

hot day or a stressful moment or, you know, it was just so

good. But then after, after I quit, I tried replacing that,

taking the edge off that by drinking non alcoholic beer for

a couple of months, you know, which is not any less expensive.

And, you know, it doesn't taste great after a week or so you can

kind of trick yourself into sort of enjoying it a little bit. But

after a while my brain just kind of went you don't like this

anymore. The beer doesn't taste good to you anymore. And so I

just stopped like the all my triggers, you know, just stopped

working. I did I never haven't craved beer since. Yeah, you

know, and the odd time the the odd, stressful moment to be

like, Oh, your mind goes back. like can you really use a drink

right now but it's a blink and it's gone. You know? He snapped

right out of it.

Yeah, you managed so stronger than that level. Yeah. monkey

mind of yours. Yes. That's very Yeah, that's character. That's

mental strength. One on one, right. It's, well, don't don't

give me too much credit. I focused my addiction on the

sugar immediately afterwards. And then I put on 45 pounds.

Yeah, and then you can get out of that, too with the same line

said, Well, yeah, and I and I have

I have now so we they ate they ate today with no sugar. And I

should

say ever since I was a kid. I mean, I don't remember drinking

water. I'm not like a water drinker. Yeah, never, never at

any point in my day, do I fill up a cup of water and drink it?

It's just not a thing I do. Period. You know, I drink tea in

the mornings, you know and I would drink before it was beer

in the afternoons or whatever. And then and then it became pop.

Just like Dr. Pepper case Dr. Pepper every couple days after

and, but never water. And so I was I was talking with my my

friends Michael Gervais and his wife Sandy. And, you know,

they're their big inspirations for me for as far as this

fitness and, and you know, healthy body image stuff goes

because, you know, they're just championing this right now.

They're just doing awesome. And I was over there at their shop

and Sandy was like, you got to start start drinking water. And

I, it occurred to me that like, yeah, people need water to

survive and I never drink water ever. And so but and God is big

old water bottle but my buddy actually gave me and and I drink

it about five times a day as I'm thinking about, you know, five,

six liters of water every single day and no sugar. And yesterday

after a week I weighed myself and I've lost 11 pounds and two

inches. So yeah, so I'm just gonna keep that up. And now we

don't miss the sugar I did for a few days. I was like, just

fiending wanting to cheat so bad. Like, every time I I had a

minute of boredom. I just wanted to eat something sweet. But

after about three days of that I craved my water. You know,

that's what's helping?

Yeah. Yeah, like I told you on our first meeting here you have

such a beautiful skin. And then I was like, oh, maybe he has a

filter on. But it is the water that makes you glow and your

eyes are sparkling. And sugar addiction is like just as bad as

cocaine. I feel like the headaches you get. And the

tricks your mind wants to play on. You are just so

you mentioned headaches because the first few days that I

stopped drinking pop and already sugar at all at all. I guess. It

was unbelievable. The headaches I had and I don't get headaches

and headaches aren't a thing that I I suffer from you know, a

lot of people get headaches all the time. I yeah, I'm lucky I

don't don't get headaches. And or it was three days of just

like oh and good and make it go away. And go in the hot shower,

take Tylenol, you know, just do whatever I can try to meditate.

Couldn't get my headaches to go away. So

Oh, that's incredible. That was Frank, we're coming to an end

here those 40 minutes ran through like, what? If you No,

no, that was so wonderful. It was it was incredible.

Everything you shared and and very like you very good flow and

awesome voice. If there was three things that you would like

to Yeah, three things you want to give people who are still

maybe struggling with addiction or depression, anxiety, self

worth issues?

What would that be?

Well, one thing I can tell you right now is that if you're, if

you're actively in addiction, you're lying to yourself so much

that you can't trust yourself, you need to listen to the people

who love you. Their their opinion is going to be much more

clear and focused and accurate and better for you then, than

anything you're going to tell yourself in this time. They'll

they will get you through it lean on the people who love you

because they're there for you. And if you don't find somebody

to support you, Alcoholics Anonymous is wonderful for a lot

of people. It gives a lot of people support, I don't use it,

I've never been all that years ago I've been but this time

around I I haven't but it's a it's a imperative that you have

a support network and somebody who's going to keep your best

interests, you know, in in mind and remind you of those because

you're going to lie to yourself and you're going to, you know,

talk yourself into your your habitual behavior every time if

you don't have that. That's one I guess, to stay busy find

something meaningful to do with your time. You know, the, the

best thing for me has been learning new things, you know, I

became a licensed drone pilot. And I started a business you

know, doing aerial inspections and photography and, and that

has given me so much to learn, you know, just that that

spiraled into many things, you know, having to I bought this

computer for video editing and, and having to learn computer

systems has opened up other doors for me and you know, it's

it's created streams of income and, but but mainly it's kept me

focused on something else, and something productive. Because at

the end of the day here, you're left with yourself and what and

what you've done, you know, and if, if you're just doing

nothing, you know, at the end of the day, you're gonna have

nothing And the ease your mind or feel proud of? And you need

that as well. Because it's it's encouragement, right? And three,

what's the third one? You know, I guess it kind of goes along

with with the first one, it's, it's, for me, it's but you gotta

love someone back. You know, you got to the number one is that

somebody you know, love you and listen to them, but you got to

love something back to me I mean if it's a puppy or a dog or, or

yourself if you're just focusing on yourself, but you have to,

you have to get into the habit of physically demonstrating, you

know, love in your life as well. Not just receiving it, but but

demonstrating it, you know? Yeah. And then that's the only

way you're going to feel whole, you know, yeah, you have to be

able to receive love, you have to be able to give it and you

have to be able to do something meaningful with your time and

those things. That's just like a recipe for success right there.

Yeah. Bang on. Wow, that was the most powerful ending of an

interview I ever had. Wonderful, wonderful. Wonderful. Thank you

so much, Brian, for your time. Thank you for having me. Yeah,

it was. It was incredible. Thank you so much. And yeah, you have

a good rest of your day. You as well. Talk to. Yeah, thank you

so much for listening to this interview today. Demonstrating

love. Isn't that so simple and easy to do? And, yeah, so

healing to do. I found this ending very, very powerful and

inspiring. And I hope we brought some light into your life. I

hope we brought some hope into your life. Know that we're

always there to support you. We're not medical doctors or

counselors. We're just people who went through intense stuff,

ready to talk about it, and ready to support others. So

never hold back from reaching out. If you want to do us a huge

favor, go on to Apple podcast and leave a review. That would

be so life changing. It is really the currency on how to

show appreciation towards a podcast. Thank you so much for

supporting us and I will be out there very soon again. Bye bye.