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Welcome to Neurodivergence and Improv.
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I'm Jen deHaan, and this is episode two on being perceived on stage and in class.
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These podcasts are not a substitute for therapy, nor should they be used to diagnose yourself or anyone else for that matter.
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If you are looking for any of that, please seek professional resources by experts for those things.
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And I'm not one of those people.
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But yay, Improv!
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I invite you to check out flatimprov.com.
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I do a newsletter on that website about where to find online improv jams, classes, live streams and podcasts like this.
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I teach online classes, and so do a lot of other people.
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You can find classes on that site in the newsletter, and you can add your own.
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So do check that out.
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Okay, let's talk about being perceived.
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First of all, I'm going to talk about what this isn't about.
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This isn't about how neurodivergent people are perceived by someone else.
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Like it's not about what someone else thinks when they look at me or see me do something.
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This also isn't about not liking the way somebody looks at me.
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Like it's not about somebody giving me side-eye or someone scowling at me and what that reaction is.
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That's not what this is about.
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This is about the contexts in which neurodivergent, particularly autistic people, dislike being perceived or seen.
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Like, I don't like people looking at me when I'm doing this thing.
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That sort of context.
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And it's only particular contexts.
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I also won't be talking about not feeling seen, or not feeling like I'm being perceived, and that I feel invisible, kind of in that cognitive or emotional sense.
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It's not about that.
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So again, it's just about people seeing me do something, and what those somethings are.
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Now, it's going to take a little bit of explaining in order to, you know, tell you what this means, so you can understand what it might mean for you in a class or performing scenario.
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I'm also going to be talking about how this applies to improv and improv classes specifically.
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So again, context is key.
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It's not who is looking at me.
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It's not what that look is like.
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For me, it's completely about the activity I'm doing in which I'm being perceived or looked at by other people.
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For some autistic people, they might dislike being perceived in all scenarios.
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For me, it's just particular scenarios.
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But I'm not sure if there's somebody who dislikes being perceived in all scenarios including performing, like on a stage or on a screen.
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I would love to hear from you in a comment.
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Or an email about what your experience is like.
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I would love to hear about that.
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And I will put some ways to contact at the end of this episode.
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So I know what is okay for me is absolutely not fine for someone even within the same neurotype.
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Now, it's also important to understand that this isn't a sensitivity.
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This isn't something that you could say, get some more exposure or get therapy.
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In my case, I am fully aware of how it doesn't make logical sense.
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I do not find it controllable.
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It's an automatic feeling, just kind of like a gag reflex, I guess.
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Although there might be some ways to work on this.
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And I think situations do change based on how much knowledge you have, how experienced you are, and the thing that you are performing, for example, that made some of a difference for me.
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But I can always tell that it's just how I'm wired.
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It's right down to my fabric.
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I've felt this same way in these kind of contexts for as long as I can remember.
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I was a kid and it was pretty much the same.
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And obviously, I've been exposed to these same things now for my whole life and I'm middle-aged.
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So it doesn't seem to be something that really changes over time.
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It just seems to be the way I am wired.
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So I'm going to give some scenarios for you to imagine.
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So you can think about how you feel when you're being perceived.
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Now, the first one, the first scenario is let's imagine grocery store shopping.
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You're in a store, you know, and there's nothing of note.
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It's just a mundane shopping trip.
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You don't have anything in your cart.
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You look like you always do.
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You know, there's nothing standing out about your appearance or anything.
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Now, imagine somebody you know and you trust seeing you and your cart.
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How do you feel in that scenario?
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Now, imagine the same scenario, but the person seeing you is a stranger.
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Now, take yourself to the office, some place that you work, and say you're working on just a boring spreadsheet, the information nobody really cares about, probably very realistic in this scenario.
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Now, someone you know and you trust at work simply walks up and starts watching you work over your shoulder.
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How do you feel being perceived?
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Now imagine them just talking to you in your office or come up, they look at you and they're chatting with you.
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How do you feel in that scenario?
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Now you're on your couch at home, you're just reading a book or watching a show.
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Again, pretty mundane.
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Everyone knows that you like the show and the book.
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It's not something that stands out.
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And a trusted friend or a partner walks in and they look at you reading, they look at you watching that show.
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And how do you feel about them looking at what you're doing, watching you do that thing?
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Now imagine that you're on a stage or you're at a podium in front of a friendly group.
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You are teaching or performing something that you're really good and confident about.
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How do you feel in that situation?
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Now imagine if you're in the group watching someone teach or perform.
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How do you feel in that situation?
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Imagine something happens where everybody had to turn a look at you.
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How do you feel in that situation?
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So these are examples of being perceived.
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And we all probably have different reactions to all of these, even if you're in the same neurotype.
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And some of these reactions might have nothing to do with neurodivergence as well.
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I have a lot of reactions myself that don't...
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I don't think they feel abnormal.
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They're definitely not extreme.
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But I have very extreme reactions to some of these situations, which just don't seem to make logical sense.
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And I think that is where we're dealing, perhaps, with some form of neurodivergence, because it just doesn't feel expected.
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Like, I can't explain why I have such a strong reaction to something that, logically, I think I shouldn't.
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And it doesn't really make sense with the other situations.
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Now, I'm going to go over some personal examples from real life that are similar to the scenarios I provided previously.
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I'm going to provide a few examples that, and just notice if they resonate with you, because I know that a lot of you listening to this, you've probably performed.
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And you might be wondering, you know, how does this apply to other parts of your life?
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One of the examples that I can remember is working.
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It's kind of like that spreadsheet example that I gave earlier.
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I've developed websites since the 90s.
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It's something I'm very comfortable doing.
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And one of the services that I offered was to teach website owners how to operate their site, you know, how to make changes and edit and basically cut me out of the loop.
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So that was something that I offered to people.
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And I loved doing it.
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I love teaching people how to do things.
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It's just something I tend to enjoy doing.
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A client came up to me and asked me if I could, instead of teaching them how to build a website or modify a website, if I could just let them watch me do it.
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They'd come to my house and instead of sitting next to me and I'd show them how to build a website or how to modify it, they would just watch me do my work.
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And they said, hey, you can do your other client work and I'll just watch you do it.
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Or I'll watch you just work on a website that you have, which is what I would have done had I done it.
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But I didn't.
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And this is the reason why.
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It would make me sweat and make my skin crawl to have that happen.
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I would be perfectly fine with them sitting next to me and teaching them how to do it.
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I could not fathom the idea of them sitting there and just watching me work, building a website.
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That's one example of just being perceived and some of the difficulties you have in very specific contexts.
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Another one that I recall is when I was learning to become a dance fitness teacher.
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You take a weekend workshop, and I went to this workshop not thinking I'd become a dance fitness teacher.
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I was there to support other people.
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Part of this workshop that I kind of didn't think about, but I wasn't really thinking about much because I wasn't intending on becoming a teacher.
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I was just there to dance and help my friends.
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And part of this workshop involved all of the people in the workshop, at the same time practicing doing the song, we were then going to go and teach afterwards in front of the room alone.
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So we were just doing the whole thing, but just as a group.
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Now I'd gone to dance fitness classes and sort of danced in a group for 10 years before taking this workshop.
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But the act of being in a group, practicing teaching, it just, it made me sweat.
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It was not enjoyable.
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I almost left the entire workshop at that point.
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I could barely handle it.
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I could barely handle doing that thing.
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Luckily, one of the coaches kind of noticed that.
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I think there's tells that they watch for, and they're like, ah, we got a runner.
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And they kept me there.
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And thank goodness they did, because I had a very unanticipated reaction when it was my turn to go up in front of the entire room of those same people and teach that very same song.
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And when I walked up to the front of the room, it was every bit of anxiety left my body.
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It was just like I transformed walking up to the front, and I was completely fine and loved it.
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Even though I had barely any idea of what I was doing yet, it was just, I think I was just so relieved.
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I was done doing that other part that was so uncomfortable, but also I was like, well, I know how to do this.
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I know the song.
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I just kind of know how to do it.
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And I was comfortable.
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That's pretty much the same experience I kept having.
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I continued, I taught for years after that.
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It became my passion, my love.
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It was something I missed dearly.
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And I had the same reaction still going into gyms.
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When I went into gyms, I'd generally be in my teaching outfit, which is, you know, not a typical gym outfit, because I have all the branding of a teacher and of the format I'm teaching rather.
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And, you know, a flannel tied around my waist and a baseball cap.
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And I look because I'm kind of wearing the costume, the teaching costume.
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I stand out, and I hated that.
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I never learned to actually change at the gym instead, which would have solved that problem.
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I kind of, you know, suffered my way through walking to the group fitness room and getting up on the stage where I felt comfortable.
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So it sort of continued on, and it's because I'm not blending in.
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Same thing, like if I'm teaching up on a stage and I'm dancing up there, if I got down afterwards, we're all just socializing and we're in a group and we're kind of mucking around and dancing, say doing the same thing, and everybody looks at me and point, hey, it's your turn, you do it, and that I'm just in a kind of social situation, that would make me sweat, even though I'm doing the same thing.
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Another kind of different scenario I recall is again performance.
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I was in a sketch show and I was in the opening act with a whole bunch of other people and we all waited behind the curtains for the show to start.
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It's small community theater, it always started at different times.
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Sometimes we're back there waiting for a very, very long time.
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Everybody else is kind of nervous.
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They're nervous, I'm going to go out there on stage.
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How are we going to do?
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Do I remember my stuff?
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All that.
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But I'd be standing there with an opposite reaction of, I just want to get out there.
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I'm so uncomfortable back here behind the curtain.
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It's a social situation.
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I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I know what I'm supposed to do out there on stage.
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I was just focused on when can we get out there?
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Because that for me was comfort.
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The stage was comfort.
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I was always uncomfortable in the social situations.
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And in a lot of cases, I was just opposite from most people.
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And I think that's sort of where neurodivergence comes in.
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You're just, you have a different type of reaction.
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In character, I'm generally more comfortable.
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Even if I'm taking on a character in a, you know, where I shouldn't be, I'm just more comfortable.
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That is masking in neurodivergence, you know, context.
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I'm sort of controlling how I'm being perceived in a way.
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You know, I've got this plan.
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I know what to do for the scenario.
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So it's a little bit, you know, anticipated.
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You have some level of control.
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And some of the lack of control is what makes us feel uncomfortable.
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And again, you can have exactly the same person, the same people, the same, same type of action that you're doing, but you can have very different reactions.
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The who and the where is the same.
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But what makes all of the difference is the context.
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And of course, I want to remind all of you that even people in the same neurotype, like I know somebody who's also autistic, and they have almost the opposite reactions to the ones I have.
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They're comfortable and fine with people watching them work, but they're very, very stressed out if they have to, say, give a work presentation or teach something, which is something I'm very comfortable and enjoy.
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I seek that out.
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So let's look at why this is happening.
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Like, what is going on?
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Well, obviously, all of this is being defined or scenarios in which you are being watched.
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You are doing a thing that's being watched.
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You're doing a performance.
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You are working.
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You're being perceived, obviously.
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Now, there's a difference between being watched at something where you know you're being watched, like the sort of focus is being watched or being perceived.
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And that is, you know, obviously the situations in which you are teaching or performing.
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This is very different than when you are working on something, like working on that spreadsheet.
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Or even reading a book or watching a show, perhaps.
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You are fixated on something else.
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You are fixated on the work, on reading.
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It's not something that is performant, but you are still being watched.
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You just aren't focused on the being watched part.
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So if someone is walking into a room, you might kind of have that initial thinking, oh, I am being watched, I am being judged, I wasn't paid, what was I doing, you know.
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I wasn't thinking I was going to be seen here.
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A lot of times when I am working, I am so focused on the task at hand, I am completely unmasked.
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Like I am not thinking about being watched.
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I am in my own world.
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I have even been on Zoom with other people and I will go and turn and do something.
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I am trying to fix say a technical problem or something.
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I will find myself talking to myself and then go, oh my gosh, that is embarrassed.
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I can quickly get so hyper-focused on something.
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I'm not thinking about the so-called performance of being seen or perceived by other people, and this can be very vulnerable.
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Now, we'll talk about masking in a second, and what that means if you're not familiar, but essentially you are unmasked.
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Unmasked is vulnerable.
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It's maybe somebody seeing you, how you are, as opposed to seeing you in the way that you want to be perceived, which is kind of fitting in, or, you know, being like that social chameleon.
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I'm normal.
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I'm not this weird person.
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And of course, there's some of us have other issues going on, like we might be perfectionists.
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We hate making mistakes.
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If I'm being watched working, I would hate someone maybe seeing me make particular mistakes, thoughtless mistakes or something.
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In the same way, I don't dislike people seeing me make mistakes on stage.
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That's fun for me.
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And it's almost like I've kind of learned.
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So this might be an area where the more confident or competent you become in the thing you are performing, you're less concerned about making mistakes because you know how to deal with them.
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And that again comes to the idea of control, right?
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If I make mistakes, quote unquote, mistakes in improv, there are mistakes in improv, come on, or dance fitness.
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I have learned the way out of some of those mistakes in improv and a lot of the mistakes in dance fitness.
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I, over the years, I probably made every mistake so many times.
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I knew all these ways out of them.
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I knew how to joke with the people watching me, make them happy, make them laugh, make them feel better about themselves.
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So really the mistakes became a very good, wanted thing even.
00:21:10.937 --> 00:21:15.057
Failing is fun when you are performing.
00:21:15.057 --> 00:21:19.177
But sometimes failing isn't fun if you're being perceived in other ways.
00:21:19.177 --> 00:21:24.517
So I believe that that sort of plays into this whole situation.
00:21:24.517 --> 00:21:31.297
Now let's talk about the situations in which we are mostly indifferent.
00:21:31.297 --> 00:21:37.137
Say, back when I taught dance fitness in a city, we'd go out to eat after and we'd all sit at a big table.
00:21:37.137 --> 00:21:38.557
Let's think about that scenario.
00:21:38.797 --> 00:21:42.997
I can actually recall something like that.
00:21:42.997 --> 00:21:50.477
If I'm trapped at a table, it's not too dramatic, but I'd have a preference to not be seen.
00:21:50.477 --> 00:21:54.057
And that's the same as grocery shopping.
00:21:54.057 --> 00:21:58.157
So those are sort of situations in which I'm indifferent.
00:21:58.157 --> 00:22:05.617
But that indifference to being perceived could involve a lot of effort, right?
00:22:06.477 --> 00:22:09.737
I'm still in performance mode.
00:22:09.737 --> 00:22:12.797
I'm still working at blending in.
00:22:12.797 --> 00:22:17.337
I'm very busy acting, and I'm doing air quotes you can't see.
00:22:17.337 --> 00:22:18.837
Normal.
00:22:18.837 --> 00:22:20.277
This is called masking.
00:22:20.277 --> 00:22:23.437
Now what about the days where you just can't mask?
00:22:23.437 --> 00:22:27.997
Some days you might have no energy left.
00:22:27.997 --> 00:22:32.897
Some days you might be just really upset about something else going on.
00:22:32.977 --> 00:22:36.697
You're very distracted by a problem you have.
00:22:36.697 --> 00:22:40.317
Something bad may have just happened and you're sad about that.
00:22:40.317 --> 00:22:45.817
And on those days, being indifferent is just it's you aren't.
00:22:45.817 --> 00:22:47.477
It's too hard to mask.
00:22:47.477 --> 00:22:54.437
It's too hard to do the work to fit in, to blend in, to become that social chameleon.
00:22:54.437 --> 00:22:57.937
And so that might change that same scenario.
00:22:57.937 --> 00:23:04.277
You might, instead of feeling indifferent, you are feeling very, very uncomfortable.
00:23:04.277 --> 00:23:08.857
In those situations, you might change to where being perceived is just not enjoyed.
00:23:08.857 --> 00:23:10.357
It's just too hard.
00:23:10.357 --> 00:23:14.157
So let's talk about what this masking is.
00:23:14.157 --> 00:23:21.737
I attribute being comfortable being perceived as situations where I am usually masked.
00:23:21.737 --> 00:23:27.937
So this perception is this might not apply to situations where I just don't mask.
00:23:28.017 --> 00:23:30.977
Like I know the person, I've known them for 30 years.
00:23:30.977 --> 00:23:33.497
I'm not really masked around them.
00:23:33.497 --> 00:23:35.857
Or it might be somebody else who's a lot like me.
00:23:35.857 --> 00:23:38.137
We're both maybe autistic.
00:23:38.137 --> 00:23:40.237
I might not be masking in that situation.
00:23:40.237 --> 00:23:40.657
Who knows?
00:23:40.657 --> 00:23:43.277
But there's situations where I'm not masking.
00:23:43.297 --> 00:23:48.797
I'm talking about being perceived by somebody in a situation where I am.
00:23:49.817 --> 00:23:55.837
And when you are masking, you're just like I said, you're social chameleon, you're just trying to fit in.
00:23:55.937 --> 00:24:01.197
You are perhaps sort of taking on the characteristics of the other person you do improv.
00:24:01.197 --> 00:24:09.037
Think about sort of peas in a pod where you are trying to match their physical characteristics or their voice.
00:24:09.037 --> 00:24:10.257
Yeah, I mean, who knows?
00:24:10.257 --> 00:24:12.937
You might be also trying to match their point of view.
00:24:12.937 --> 00:24:13.957
I don't know.
00:24:13.957 --> 00:24:19.437
But you are sort of just trying to blend in, fit in, seem quote unquote normal.
00:24:20.077 --> 00:24:26.577
So you're being very aware of your body position, your facial expressions.
00:24:26.577 --> 00:24:33.537
You're doing all those things that you probably know from improv and that takes effort and energy.
00:24:33.537 --> 00:24:37.857
But we ultimately do it to feel more comfortable.
00:24:37.857 --> 00:24:45.697
And that would translate to feel more comfortable being perceived by the person you're talking to or being seen by.
00:24:45.697 --> 00:24:55.537
So some days it just might be too much for you to do this or maybe there's too many people or too many things going on where you just don't feel like you can blend in.
00:24:55.537 --> 00:25:04.997
So this is a situation to think about where you're being perceived, your reaction to it might adjust.
00:25:04.997 --> 00:25:08.717
So now let's talk about improv.
00:25:09.037 --> 00:25:22.037
For me, an improv and other forms of performance, like the dance fitness and the sketch show that I was talking about earlier, I'm fine being perceived.
00:25:23.157 --> 00:25:25.917
I'm generally in character.
00:25:25.917 --> 00:25:33.217
And we can talk about that in a second a little bit more because there are gotchas in that regard, of course.
00:25:33.217 --> 00:25:40.397
But I'm fine being perceived on stage or in Zoom on a screen, etc.
00:25:40.397 --> 00:25:47.497
I did used to have trouble being seen in video, but that was more, I think, just because I'd never had that happen before.
00:25:47.497 --> 00:25:49.557
So that is something to think about.
00:25:49.557 --> 00:25:58.017
If you are uncomfortable, it might just be purely because you just, you know, haven't seen yourself reflected on the screen.
00:25:58.017 --> 00:25:59.257
You're looking at yourself.
00:25:59.257 --> 00:26:01.277
That's a different thing.
00:26:01.277 --> 00:26:02.577
You might need to get used to that.
00:26:02.577 --> 00:26:05.917
But in general, performing, I'm fine.
00:26:05.917 --> 00:26:07.717
I'm in a character most of the time.
00:26:07.857 --> 00:26:09.637
It's not me.
00:26:09.637 --> 00:26:15.777
I don't have to worry about being me or somebody judging Jen.
00:26:16.877 --> 00:26:18.617
You can judge me right now.
00:26:18.617 --> 00:26:20.017
I can't see you.
00:26:20.017 --> 00:26:23.457
Anyways, that character is not me.
00:26:23.457 --> 00:26:26.557
And I think that's partly what makes it easy.
00:26:26.557 --> 00:26:29.497
You know, I will be honest here.
00:26:29.497 --> 00:26:33.877
This is way harder for me to do them to improv.
00:26:33.917 --> 00:26:38.517
I am starting doing these things just to see if I can get used to them.
00:26:38.517 --> 00:26:40.017
It's not a perception thing.
00:26:40.037 --> 00:26:43.897
I don't think it's more a confidence issue.
00:26:43.897 --> 00:26:49.037
Maybe it's just about neurodivergence, confident, you know, it's about something else.
00:26:49.037 --> 00:26:59.397
But anyways, I think being a character and not being me is generally what makes things easier for me in this regard.
00:26:59.397 --> 00:27:09.717
So an improv, of course, your gotchas are around plain, say, grounded, realistic characters as yourself.
00:27:10.817 --> 00:27:18.777
You might have the direction to just react honest and truthful, act as you would.
00:27:18.777 --> 00:27:31.937
Be yourself, park bench of truth, and you're directed that you should pick up on those normal social cues, react as you would.
00:27:31.937 --> 00:27:50.237
And this is way more of a challenge to somebody who's neurodivergent because you are trying to translate kind of in the moment to neurotypical sometimes because you know, you're going to get noted as weird even though, hey, you know, you aren't reacting truthfully or you're writing the scene.
00:27:50.237 --> 00:27:53.037
If you're neurodivergent, you've probably heard that a few times, right?
00:27:54.097 --> 00:27:59.897
So that can make me feel less comfortable being perceived.
00:27:59.897 --> 00:28:10.257
But again, it's a different issue, but it's where you might not feel the same when you're in a scene or on stage or performing perhaps.
00:28:10.257 --> 00:28:14.037
Another one is the Zoom thing that I was mentioning earlier.
00:28:14.037 --> 00:28:26.997
It took a while for me to be okay seeing myself on the screen, particularly and almost entirely outside of scenes.
00:28:26.997 --> 00:28:46.557
Like when you are in a class, for example, or say before and after the show, when you are yourself and you're watching yourself in self view on screen, like turning self view in Zoom off where you hide your own camera and you can see everyone else, but you've hidden yourself.
00:28:47.397 --> 00:28:56.837
That actually made me more uncomfortable for some reason, even though I hated seeing what I looked like on the screen.
00:28:56.837 --> 00:29:19.617
But I will say from a neurodivergent standpoint, it was quite interesting because it was the first time in my life where I, for such a long period of time, saw myself in video and I think probably most of you who have done a lot of Zoom throughout the pandemic and continuing probably felt that way when you were new.
00:29:19.817 --> 00:29:30.057
It's just weird seeing yourself, but I think that's another thing of being perceived, of you're almost kind of perceiving and judging yourself.
00:29:30.077 --> 00:29:34.077
And I think there's maybe something there that's related to this topic.
00:29:34.077 --> 00:29:40.057
But when I was in character, when I'm in a scene, I never felt like that suddenly turned off.
00:29:40.057 --> 00:29:50.417
It was only when I wasn't in a scene that I felt awkward and disliked being looked at by myself.
00:29:50.817 --> 00:29:58.657
It was a very odd situation, and I still get flashes of it, even though I've been in more Zoom than I care to admit.
00:29:58.657 --> 00:30:04.717
Now this sort of, or almost completely perhaps, goes away.
00:30:05.217 --> 00:30:23.557
And this is kind of, I think, where I'm a little bit more interested in where being perceived comes in, is that when I figure out how I'm going to mask in a class between scenes, like, what's my class character in a way?
00:30:23.557 --> 00:30:29.817
Now, I'm not talking about playing a character outside of a scene because that's just annoying.
00:30:29.817 --> 00:30:36.917
I'm talking about figuring out how I'm going to mask in this particular class with this particular teacher.
00:30:36.917 --> 00:30:48.697
And when I figure out what my class character, you know, how I'm going to mask in that class, just how I'm going to present as Jen, that became a lot easier.
00:30:48.697 --> 00:30:52.917
So I do think it's a little bit about, you know, self-judging and self-perceiving.
00:30:53.117 --> 00:31:02.637
And then when I wasn't unmasked, things were better and it was difficult to mask until I figured out what I needed to do to fit in.
00:31:02.777 --> 00:31:08.997
Like, there's that sort of neurodivergent thing going on, for sure, for me at least.
00:31:08.997 --> 00:31:13.737
And I do want to stress because I'm saying this, and I know some of you know me.
00:31:13.757 --> 00:31:17.077
I'm again, not being fake.
00:31:17.077 --> 00:31:18.577
I'm not being a character.
00:31:18.577 --> 00:31:23.237
It's just this sort of version of yourself.
00:31:23.237 --> 00:31:26.257
It's like, how am I appropriate here?
00:31:26.257 --> 00:31:31.037
What is, what's appropriate in this particular space?
00:31:31.157 --> 00:31:32.917
And I think we all do it to a certain degree.
00:31:32.917 --> 00:31:40.957
I just think it means, it carries more weight for sure, for if you are someone who's neurodivergent.
00:31:40.957 --> 00:31:45.657
And all of this, of course, we should recognize takes a lot of energy.
00:31:45.657 --> 00:31:50.937
And some days, you might just not have that energy.
00:31:50.937 --> 00:31:54.597
And those days, I will do a lot of camera off if I'm not in the scene.
00:31:54.597 --> 00:32:04.897
And that's sort of one thing I want to mention, specifically about Zoom classes is, you know, that's sort of a self-accommodation.
00:32:04.897 --> 00:32:07.417
And I think it's completely fine to do.
00:32:07.417 --> 00:32:09.357
If you need to do that, do it.
00:32:09.357 --> 00:32:14.677
I want to invite you to feel more comfortable in Zoom classes.
00:32:14.677 --> 00:32:18.357
And it's obviously something we can only do in Zoom.
00:32:18.357 --> 00:32:26.077
Gosh, I would love to do it outside of Zoom in-person, invisible cloak or something, but we can't.
00:32:26.497 --> 00:32:29.137
But, you know, take advantage of Zoom.
00:32:29.137 --> 00:32:36.237
If you are there and you're doing that and it's, you know, you have ways to accommodate yourself, do it.
00:32:36.237 --> 00:32:38.657
Send a DM or whatever if you feel like you need to.
00:32:38.657 --> 00:32:42.057
But I think we need to, you know, just recognize that.
00:32:42.057 --> 00:32:47.737
And if you are teaching and someone does that, that might be why they are going camera off.
00:32:47.737 --> 00:32:48.337
Who knows?
00:32:48.337 --> 00:32:57.577
Wrapping this up a little bit, I for sure thought before I started performing, that I would really hate it.
00:32:57.577 --> 00:33:17.177
You know, I spent, although I, you know, I taught for a long time, I've taught since I was in high school, and I liked being in front of a group, I never thought I would enjoy and love and find passion being on a stage, being characters, be acting until I was middle-age almost.
00:33:17.177 --> 00:33:20.017
It's not something I ever thought I would like.
00:33:20.017 --> 00:33:33.157
So if there's anyone listening to this that hasn't performed before, I don't know if there will be, but if there is, I do invite you to just try it out if you have the opportunity to perform.
00:33:33.157 --> 00:33:42.657
And if you can try something that you're highly skilled at already, say a special interest of yours, maybe do it a few times, just see.
00:33:42.657 --> 00:33:45.397
Because for me, it was a revelation.
00:33:45.777 --> 00:33:51.517
It led to the biggest passions and joys that I had in life.
00:33:51.797 --> 00:34:11.277
And while I find that for me, perception, preferences and issues are fairly wired in, it's something I've experienced in about the same way since I was a kid, my comfort in being perceived changes as the skill set grows.
00:34:11.277 --> 00:34:19.677
And that has something that's a different element of it, but it's something that's really important to still remember will happen.
00:34:20.277 --> 00:34:40.937
So even if you're like, hey, you know, I don't hate doing this, but know that as your skill grows in Improv or whatever else you're performing in, you will be more comfortable in that space because your skill is better and you're more comfortably perceived doing that skill.
00:34:40.937 --> 00:34:59.037
You know, even though when I started Improv, you know, I'd done years and years of dance fitness solo on a stage, you know, so I always sort of had that sense in Improv of going out there and just not stopping because I could not stop in a song.
00:34:59.037 --> 00:35:04.677
That's the one thing they say, never restart a song and it's kind of like an Improv scene.
00:35:04.677 --> 00:35:06.717
You just keep going no matter what happens.
00:35:06.717 --> 00:35:17.737
So I kind of had that already sort of muscle memory of that when I started Improv, but I can remember when I was starting in dance fitness and starting to teach.
00:35:18.617 --> 00:35:20.877
And I didn't have that skill set built at all.
00:35:20.877 --> 00:35:25.477
You don't really learn how to teach in that workshop.
00:35:25.477 --> 00:35:35.197
I'd say 85 or 90 percent of your learning how to teach comes on the job when you become a dance fitness teacher.
00:35:35.197 --> 00:35:39.557
And those first few months were dreadful.
00:35:39.597 --> 00:35:48.617
I did not find the joy or love until a few months after when I felt like I'd actually finally kind of taught, like learned how to teach.
00:35:48.617 --> 00:35:51.717
I can remember that discomfort very strongly.
00:35:51.717 --> 00:35:53.497
It was quite dramatic.
00:35:53.497 --> 00:35:57.577
But know that it's that part of things does change.
00:35:57.577 --> 00:36:00.437
You know, I didn't mind going out there in front of someone.
00:36:00.437 --> 00:36:07.297
But boy, was it rough having everybody see how very bad I was at teaching a dance fitness class.
00:36:07.297 --> 00:36:08.917
Or that's what I thought.
00:36:08.917 --> 00:36:11.217
I thought I was really bad at it.
00:36:11.217 --> 00:36:14.017
So things change in that regard.
00:36:14.017 --> 00:36:15.757
Wait for the skills to set in.
00:36:16.817 --> 00:36:20.057
See, you know, see what changes.
00:36:20.057 --> 00:36:22.957
And notice, you know, notice where you are comfortable.
00:36:22.957 --> 00:36:25.297
Notice where you aren't.
00:36:26.317 --> 00:36:31.497
And see if you can notice some of that kind of what might be wired in or not.
00:36:31.497 --> 00:36:40.577
If something isn't there, I don't force it, especially if it's a hobby or something that's supposed to be fun or pain free.
00:36:40.577 --> 00:36:43.757
If it's just really painful for you, reflect on why.
00:36:44.557 --> 00:36:46.397
Just ask yourself why you're doing it.
00:36:46.397 --> 00:36:50.417
And there might be good reasons that that discomfort is worth it for you.
00:36:50.417 --> 00:36:51.777
That's completely valid.
00:36:51.777 --> 00:37:02.037
But do ask if something is a hobby and it's supposed to be for fun, and it's just being painful, and you're just, you know, you're experiencing grief because of it.
00:37:02.037 --> 00:37:04.377
Evaluate, just evaluate where you're at.
00:37:04.377 --> 00:37:10.457
I think also all of this last bit here relates to confidence.
00:37:10.457 --> 00:37:13.517
You know, that is, of course, around skill building and so on.
00:37:13.617 --> 00:37:19.097
And I'll do a separate episode on that, because I think it is, it's related, but it is different.
00:37:19.097 --> 00:37:32.297
I invite all of you to just notice this in yourself and know that the people that you're doing improv with might be experiencing some of these things.
00:37:32.297 --> 00:37:38.977
Know that, you know, one person in a neurotype is going to be very different from another person in a neurotype.
00:37:38.977 --> 00:37:44.737
Remember that there is this discomfort when you are learning new skills.
00:37:44.737 --> 00:37:50.297
And also remember that certain scenarios because of this could be easier or harder.
00:37:50.297 --> 00:38:00.537
For example, I heard that Zoom is easier for some people doing improv over Zoom because they can't see the audience.
00:38:00.537 --> 00:38:04.797
And that, of course, is an area of being perceived, right?
00:38:04.797 --> 00:38:07.217
They cannot see the people perceiving them.
00:38:07.217 --> 00:38:09.577
So notice that might be true for you.
00:38:09.737 --> 00:38:13.837
Maybe that's why Zoom Improv works for you.
00:38:13.837 --> 00:38:16.777
Or maybe if you haven't done improv on Zoom, try it out.
00:38:16.777 --> 00:38:21.717
See if, you know, that improves discomfort for you.
00:38:21.717 --> 00:38:35.437
That might be good for a learning experience because you aren't thinking about the audience when you are learning some of these skills and just removing that element of discomfort might be enough.
00:38:35.797 --> 00:38:43.137
Maybe you can make adjustments and choose to perform at an area where you can't see the audience as easily.
00:38:43.137 --> 00:38:50.177
That might be a self-adjustment or a self-accommodation that you can make to have performing be easier.
00:38:50.177 --> 00:38:52.637
And communicate with your teammates.
00:38:52.637 --> 00:39:04.577
Like if something maybe can be changed to help you out with some of these areas of perception or realize that some of the tasks might just not be for you.
00:39:04.817 --> 00:39:22.897
Like maybe you're very comfortable in doing a set because you're in character the whole time, but things like hosting, things that involve engagement with an audience might just not be for you because that level of perception is too great and you're out of character.
00:39:22.897 --> 00:39:27.277
Personally, for whatever reason, that was my favorite thing of all.
00:39:27.277 --> 00:39:43.497
You know, I absolutely hate speaking, say like if there's, if I went to a dinner party, which I just wouldn't, and they said, you know, there's a little ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, giving impromptu speech, I would worry about stress diaries.
00:39:43.497 --> 00:39:51.897
That would just make me sweat and I'd want to melt and go underneath the table and hide forever.
00:39:51.897 --> 00:39:57.017
But if that happened in an improv scene, I'd be like, yes, finally a monologue.
00:39:57.017 --> 00:39:59.017
That's what I'm here for.
00:39:59.937 --> 00:40:06.037
But not outside, not outside of improv, please.
00:40:06.037 --> 00:40:07.117
Anyways.
00:40:07.117 --> 00:40:14.217
All right, so that monologue went on longer than I anticipated and you have made it to the end.
00:40:14.217 --> 00:40:15.917
congratulations.
00:40:15.917 --> 00:40:21.997
All right, so I will put on the page how you can contribute.
00:40:21.997 --> 00:40:26.837
I would love to hear from you because I'm lonely here.
00:40:27.197 --> 00:40:31.617
That's why I can talk for so, gosh darn long.
00:40:31.617 --> 00:40:47.657
So if you have anything to say, questions about the podcast, questions for me to use on the podcast, you might have a question about something, I will try to answer it.
00:40:47.657 --> 00:40:48.517
Please send them to me.
00:40:51.677 --> 00:40:54.937
I have a contact form on my site flatimprov.com.
00:40:57.037 --> 00:41:01.717
That will be linked on the page that this podcast is put on.
00:41:01.717 --> 00:41:09.277
If you want to leave me a voice note that I play on this podcast, you can do that.
00:41:09.277 --> 00:41:14.757
If you want to leave me something written that I read on this podcast, you can send me that.
00:41:14.757 --> 00:41:18.417
If you want to hear about a topic I haven't covered yet, you can send me that.
00:41:18.417 --> 00:41:22.897
And if you want to come on this podcast, I sure do want to hear from you.
00:41:22.897 --> 00:41:25.337
So please let me know about that as well.
00:41:25.337 --> 00:41:34.237
So I will put this information on the sub stack that this podcast is on, or I will link to the spot where you can do these things.
00:41:34.237 --> 00:41:35.617
So please get in touch.
00:41:35.617 --> 00:41:36.557
I'd love to hear from you.
00:41:36.577 --> 00:41:40.177
I don't want to be doing this alone forever.
00:41:40.177 --> 00:41:41.217
All right.
00:41:41.217 --> 00:41:42.277
Take care.
00:41:42.277 --> 00:41:43.057
Bye.