Cam Hall (00:00)

Hello, fellas, welcome back to another episode of the Dad's Making a Difference podcast. My name is Cam Hall, and if you've been following the show for a while, you may have noticed it's been quiet around here. ⁓ And that silence, it was intentional. I took time away, ⁓ not because I was burned out, ⁓ but because I was convicted. Because ⁓ I was convicted that if I was going to keep pouring into other men, into you,

Cam Hall (00:31)

I needed to pause, reflect, and make sure that I was living aligned with the things that I talk about on here every week. And truthfully, there was a period of time where I was pumping out episodes with amazing guests on powerful topics, and then I would go back into my life and not even implement what I just talked about 24 hours earlier on a recording. And it hit me.

Cam Hall (01:01)

And so in January, I took a step and I decided to be ⁓ more aligned with what we wanna see here in Dad's Making You Different. So this ⁓ time off was about more than just rest. It was about refining my mission, recharging my spirit and recommitting to being the kind of husband, father and leader that I am called to be. And today I wanna share that with you.

Cam Hall (01:29)

not just where I've been because I want to share my story, but because ⁓ I want you to think about why you ⁓ might need a similar pause in your life. So this episode is all about self-reflection and growth and why constantly evolving isn't optional for us as men. It's something that is essential that we are doing all the time.

Cam Hall (01:56)

I think back a couple of weeks back ⁓ and it was a beautiful Saturday morning. We were actually at home. We have spent five out of the last six weeks on the road on the weekends. My kids sporting events. ⁓ My son played ⁓ club soccer ⁓ and hockey and my daughter's a competitive climber, boulderer. And it's all amazing to go watch them do these things. My daughter also played basketball.

Cam Hall (02:22)

but we had been out on the road quite a bit. And if you know anything about me from my Fight the Dabaw days, following me on Instagram, you'll see that I love to make pancakes for the family every Saturday morning. And now that the weather is getting nicer outside, I love to do these things on the griddle, outside, on the deck. It's just something that we have done since our kids were really, really little. And so it was a Saturday morning a couple of weeks ago.

Cam Hall (02:50)

⁓ My wife had left early in the morning to go meet a friend for coffee and I figured that I'd be able to earn some bonus points with the kids by returning to making pancakes. Homemade pancakes on the griddle, not the hotel pancakes that we've been having every Saturday morning ⁓ for the last six weeks, but homemade pancakes like we always used to do. And I had this vision in my head.

Cam Hall (03:17)

Music playing in the background off the Bluetooth speaker, the kids laughing, I'm flipping golden pancakes and everything is great. ⁓ Returning to those ⁓ really happy family memories of when the kids were little. But instead, you wanna know what happened? There was smoke billowing out of the barbecue because I use a griddle on top of the barbecue and some batter got underneath and the batter was all over the outside of the barbecue.

Cam Hall (03:46)

⁓ and the kids were just like, these just taste different. ⁓ And my youngest, he was pretty tired. He was like, they're just too fluffy. And there I stood, spatula in hand, frustrated in front of this grill of pancakes. And I wasn't frustrated at the pancakes. I was frustrated at myself. Because what should have been a joyful, simple morning exposed something deeper that I wasn't

Cam Hall (04:16)

present because I was distracted and truthfully in between flipping pancakes in between the mixing and the batter irritated when things didn't go smoothly. I was actually flipping through my phone watching social media ⁓ and I was distracted and I was missing the moment to connect the moment that I wanted to create with my kids.

Cam Hall (04:43)

had passed by because of my distraction and inability to focus ⁓ on the moment. So the lesson that I learned that morning ⁓ was that I realized that being a good dad isn't about the big ⁓ gestures. And it was been so easy over the last year ⁓ to rely on big gestures to bring everything back together that I was just forgetting.

Cam Hall (05:11)

the work that it actually took to build a strong, caring, connected family. I see these new dads ⁓ online, on social media, on ⁓ podcasting platforms who are teaching men and coaching men how to be great fathers and husbands, and they've been married for a year or two and they have a nine-month-old baby. And...

Cam Hall (05:40)

I love what they're doing. I love their mission. I love their excitement and their engagement in the process. But I was there once. I was there building an online business as a dad with young kids, sharing my life with the world through my Instagram feed. But now I'm a husband and a father of two kids who are super busy, 10 and 13, and I don't have the time nor do I have the desire to share.

Cam Hall (06:08)

all of my private life with the people who follow me on social media. And because you don't show up ⁓ often on social media, people start to judge you and think you're falling off. ⁓ And it's actually the opposite. And I had this friend reach out to me and this is, I'm going back to this pancake story, because it was the Friday night before I had a friend reach out to me and say, hey Cam, it's been pretty quiet. I haven't heard a podcast from you. I haven't seen you on social media. Is everything okay?

Cam Hall (06:37)

And truthfully, everything was better than it had been in the past because I was more present and connected with my family. But that Friday night, I started to think, man, I need to show up more. I need to put more out there. I need to compare myself to the other guys who are out there helping dads. And I woke up Saturday morning with a plan of how I was going to prove to the world that I was a good dad. And I don't need to prove to the world that I'm a good dad.

Cam Hall (07:05)

My kids know that I'm a good dad. My wife knows that I'm a good husband. But you need to know that what you do in private matters more with your family than what you put out there on social media. And so I want us to take some time today to actually reflect ⁓ on what is important in our lives and why we have to examine what we do on the day to day if we ever want to grow and get better.

Cam Hall (07:33)

Socrates has a quote, says, an unexamined life is not worth living. So if you are not willing ⁓ to examine your life, to be critical of the things that you are doing on your own, ⁓ and yet you are so quick to open up your phone and scroll through media and have an opinion about every post you see, I'm worried that you're missing the point. Because most dads,

Cam Hall (08:04)

feel like they're part of either one or two groups. They're in this group that is killing it. They feel great. They feel that they're rocking their health. They're living fit. They're living active, fulfilled with their family. They're present. ⁓ Work is going. They're leading in a way that they want to lead.

Cam Hall (08:25)

or they're in the other group who feels like they're just ⁓ in survival mode. They're doing the work, it feels like a chore, ⁓ they're going through the routines of the day to day, but they're not pausing to reflect and assess who they are becoming and who they are being through that process. So I wanna introduce the concept for you ⁓ of doing a personal audit. This is what I've done over the last six weeks personally.

Cam Hall (08:55)

I've taken some time to do a personal audit and I've asked myself three key questions. The first is this, ⁓ am I growing? ⁓ Am I growing? You can substitute the word learning in for growing. Am I learning something new? Am I growing in a new area? Am I consistently pushing myself to get better? And if you are not, ⁓ you're going to end up feeling stuck.

Cam Hall (09:25)

Because when we start to push ourselves to get better, the truth is this, we start to find purpose in what we're doing. And if we're not finding purpose in what we're doing, we start to feel stuck. You can have all the success in the world, all the money in the world, but if you don't have purpose, you have nothing. And if you don't have purpose around your family, and you don't have purpose around your leadership, then you are going to feel like you are on a path that's going nowhere.

Cam Hall (09:54)

So the first question I want you to ask yourself is, I growing? The second is, am I leading by example? Am I showing up ⁓ day to day being the person ⁓ that I wanna be? Can people look at me and say, ⁓ I want to be like that. I want to take one step so I can be closer to that model of what it means to be a good father, husband and leader. Now, ⁓ hear me very clearly, you do not need to be me.

Cam Hall (10:25)

You do not need to be like me, like in quotation marks. What you need to be is you, the best version of you. And are you leading by example ⁓ of what the best version of you looks like?

Cam Hall (10:42)

And the third question ⁓ is, I who I want my kids to become? Man, I was convicted again ⁓ just this last week. I was looking ⁓ through our neighborhood and I was on my bike and I was going for a ride. It's nice here, I love to mountain bike. So I was going for a long ride and I started to see dads with their kids, younger kids, kids like ⁓ seven, eight, nine years old are riding.

Cam Hall (11:10)

And here I am, I'm out for a solo ride, which is okay. That's okay, I'm taking care of myself. But I started to feel convicted and guilty that I wasn't out there with my family. And I wondered why that was. Am I being the person that I want my kids to become? Am I being a person who's going to, ⁓ when they're tired, disappear and hide in an office, in a shop, in the garage, in the man cave, on a bike?

Cam Hall (11:40)

I'm going to hide or do I want my kids to become somebody who is present, engaged, healthy, connected, but also communicates what they need. And I think the reason that I felt convicted in that moment is I hadn't communicated with my family what it was that I needed. I needed some time ⁓ on my own. And that's why it was okay for me to be out there on a solo ride.

Cam Hall (12:08)

And I wasn't convicted and guilty that I was by myself. I was convicted and felt guilty because ⁓ I had not shared with my family before I left. Hey, ⁓ dad's going for a ride. I need this time. This is what I do to make sure that I'm staying strong and present for you. Because if I do those things and I communicate that way with my family, I'm going to have my kids see that and they'll see what it means to be my son will see what it means to be a strong man who admits when he needs his time.

Cam Hall (12:38)

who can take care of himself so he can take care of others. There's a book by Donald Miller called Hero on a Mission and he talks about framing your life around a mission, not just tasks. So I wanna ask you, ⁓ are you ⁓ the hero in your story or right now are you focusing your life and framing your life on tasks and have you become just the guy that puts out the fires?

Cam Hall (13:07)

For a period of time, I was the guy putting out the fires. Running over here with my fire extinguisher. Bradley needs help with his homework. Running over here with the fire extinguisher. ⁓ Kim needs me to do some things around the house. Shh. Running over here with my fire extinguisher. Maya needs dad to be there for her because she's navigating a friend conflict.

Cam Hall (13:27)

Am I being that guy? Or do I have a mission in my life that I'm framing what I'm doing day to day around that mission?

Cam Hall (13:38)

So here's a little bit of reflection.

Cam Hall (13:42)

I had a conversation, you guys know I'm a leader in a school. I had a conversation with a teenager recently in my office. And here's where my worlds collide and it's fascinating, is that I get to be a dad of two kids, a husband to a beautiful wife, but I'm also a leader and I get to see other people's kids all the time. And I get to navigate really interesting conversations with these kids. And I learn a lot about that kid's family. And truthfully guys, I don't mean to critique.

Cam Hall (14:10)

but I can learn a lot about somebody's relationship with their dad through those conversations. And I had a recently had this conversation last week with a teenage boy in my office. And he was just sharing about the things that he did with his dad, that he was doing skiing and they go bike riding and they were he's giving me all these examples. There are an outdoorsy family. Man, it sounds like you and your dad have really cool relationship. He's like, well, no, not really. And it caught me by

Cam Hall (14:38)

by surprise because I look in my life and I think I do those things with my kids. ⁓ And yet here this young man, 16 years old in my office said, no, not really. He's like, like my dad is always there, ⁓ but I don't really feel connected to him. Now as an adult, I would say he felt that his dad was physically present, but not emotionally present. And so ⁓ I went home that night and I thought,

Cam Hall (15:07)

I'm going to schedule intentional one-on-one time with my kids. Even if it's just 10 minutes at bedtime to talk, I'm gonna return to doing that. If it's a workout, if it's shooting hoops, if it's walking the dog, whatever it is, ⁓ I'm gonna make sure that I'm not only the dad that's physically present, but I'm emotionally present. And I want you to do that this week. I want you to be able to make sure that you are showing up.

Cam Hall (15:34)

emotionally present and physically present for your kids. So as we go through this period of self-reflection and growth, which ⁓ I've been on for six weeks, I challenge you to go through your own journey of self-reflection and growth. I wanna offer you some simple tools that you can use right now to start going through this reflection. First is this practice of ⁓ weekly wins and lessons.

Cam Hall (16:01)

Now, if you're a journal guy, fantastic. If you're not, use voice memos or just sit down at your desk, kitchen table and just jot it down. But I want you to journal three, ⁓ the power of three, three, three, three, three times. This is what I mean. Three wins, three lessons and three things to improve each week. So each week you sit down and you do your weekly wins in journal. So your weekly wins and lessons.

Cam Hall (16:31)

three wins from the week, three lessons from the week, and three things to improve, three areas for growth. If you do those things, you are gonna be more mindful of the time that you're spending with your family and more mindful of the skills that you have, the attributes you bring, the actions you take, but you'll also be more reflective in how to improve your own journey. Now, ⁓ here's something that I challenged one of my guys in my community to do just recently.

Cam Hall (17:01)

He was doing his three, three, his three wins, three lessons, ⁓ three things to improve. And it was working for him. He appreciated that process. What I challenged him to do was the mirror moment, the mirror moment where you look yourself in the eye in the mirror and you just say to yourself, would I follow me? Would I follow me? Am I the type of person that I would

Cam Hall (17:30)

be wanting to follow? If I needed growth, if I needed leadership, if I needed direction, would I follow me? It's a powerful question, but you have to answer it honestly. So after you've done your three wins, your three lessons, your three things to improve, I challenge you to take it one step further, one step deeper and say, would I follow me? And then I love the legacy check. This is something I got from Blake.

Cam Hall (18:00)

Blake Brewer, this part of his legacy letter, but this legacy check, is I ask myself weekly and I challenge you to do the same. ⁓ Am I living in a way I'd want remembered? It's just part of this where ⁓ I know that I'm here for a limited amount of time. ⁓ Guys, here's the bad news. Spoiler alert, we all die. Now, when we die, ⁓ how will we be remembered? The truth is we have no idea, we're gone.

Cam Hall (18:29)

But I think the important part of it is how do our kids process through that loss? How does our spouse or partners process through that loss and the hurt in the community? But have you made an impact in a way that you are remembered the way that you want to be remembered? So, okay, so three simple tools for self-reflection. You can do these weekly, you can do these bi-weekly, monthly, whatever works for you. I just want you to do them. Weekly wins and journals.

Cam Hall (18:59)

So weekly wins and losses, or lessons. Three wins, three lessons, three things to improve. The mirror moment, look at yourself in the eye and ask yourself, am I someone I would follow? Would I follow me? And the legacy check. So you ask yourself weekly, am I living in a way ⁓ that I want to be? Remember.

Cam Hall (19:20)

In Dan Sullivan's book, The Gap and the Gain, he points the importance to stop measuring yourself against the ideal future and start measuring progress from where you started. In Fight the Diabod, when I work with clients, I always say, forget where you were and remember where you are. Be where your hands and feet are. So stop measuring yourself against what you want to become in the future and start measuring the progress from where you started and where you are now.

Cam Hall (19:49)

Okay, here's my challenge to you. I'm gonna close with this. Growth isn't about perfection, it's about momentum. So one intentional moment a day can add up over time. ⁓ Yes, this is familiar, you're familiar with this in my 1 % mindset. ⁓ One step towards your goal each and every day. But growth isn't about perfection. You must create momentum.

Cam Hall (20:18)

and one intentional moment a day adds up over a lifetime and creates that momentum. So the challenge is this, over the next 72 hours, 72 hours, find one moment to reflect, ⁓ one thing to adjust, and one action to take in how you will show up as a husband, as a dad, and as a leader, okay?

Cam Hall (20:47)

the 72 hour challenge, find one moment to reflect, one thing to adjust, one action to take in how you are going to show up as a husband, dad or a leader. And if you are brave enough, DM me at dads making a difference on Instagram, find me cam hall on Facebook or send me an email cam at dmdpodcast.com and comment and tell me what you choose.

Cam Hall (21:16)

If you do that, I'm gonna send you a free gift. So if you make yourself vulnerable to the 72 hour challenge and find one moment to reflect, one thing to adjust and one action to take on how you're gonna show up a husband, dad or leader, and you let me know and you seek out public accountability, I'm gonna send you some. My friend, it feels good to be back. It feels good to be back on here speaking with you.

Cam Hall (21:46)

⁓ Dive in, dive into our community. Join the dads making a difference community. to ⁓ dadsmakingadifference.ca. You can explore the Balanced Dad Blueprint as a program if you're ready to transform your leadership at home and beyond. And of course, if this podcast episode was powerful, meaningful to you, please like it, rate it five stars ⁓ and share it with someone you know. I appreciate you.

Cam Hall (22:15)

And I look forward to being back here next week, another episode of the Dads Making a Difference podcast.