That's the reason why I threw that word in there.

Confidence.

Because a lot of people lack confidence.

Because they're all.

They're all the time struggling with it.

All the time struggling with it.

So let's go ahead and get into four reasons why they're important.

They improve and maintain the self.

The self esteem and the self worth.

They.

They literally maintain it.

That way, by setting these boundaries, you better understand your personal limits and zones of comfort they provide.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Stop right there.

You said.

Okay, read that one again.

You better understand your personal limits and zones of comfort.

Well, well, there's a reason I stopped you there, Rafiki.

Because for someone to know that, you know what, they must be in touch with their emotions.

Exactly.

Which is another struggle.

Exactly.

Which I fell into that category with my water being frozen.

And I'm starting to unthollow by allowing myself to feel in the moment.

Because it's okay to feel in the moment.

It's okay to get mad.

It's okay to get.

Get upset.

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to do that.

And if you got to go to yourself and look at it, look at.

Look directly to yourself in the mirror and start telling yourself this and allow them tears to flow, you are starting to allow yourself to feel.

Rafiki, you sitting up here saying it's okay to cry and it's okay to have emotions.

Dude, I'm a man.

What you mean, so what, rafiki?

Since I've been growing up, you was programmed that way.

That's why.

Wait, but since I've been growing up, you fall on the ground, what they say, get up, boy.

Stop crying.

Here's the thing.

But here's the thing about it, is that was.

You was programmed that way.

Men were programmed not to feel.

Feel.

Boy, boy.

What, you sitting over there all emotionally, you better.

You better suck that up.

It don't matter, right?

We was programmed, so we got to d. Program ourselves.

You trying to make me a metrosexual, rafiki?

Trying to make me acknowledge emotions?

I ain't trying to make you no way.

I mean, but, but you just sit up here and said, we gotta know our zones and all that to know the zone.

Somebody got to be in touch with their emotions.

And, and you just sitting up here saying, to be in touch with your emotions, you got to be able to cry and, and, and be able to share your emotions and all that stuff and let it go and release.

And I was taught men ain't supposed to do that.

That's because we Was programmed that way.

Just like females that were programmed to feel all the emotional, and we was programmed to be logic or logical.

Was females programmed to be overly emotional?

I don't think they was programmed to be overly emotional, no.

All right, I got a question.

Do you think females have been taught proper release of emotion?

No.

And neither have men.

Exactly.

Okay.

Good save, Mental.

Good thing.

And neither have men.

Thank you.

Thank you for saving us some hate mail.

I ain't trying to sound like Kevin Samuels up here.

Right.

But, you know, it's okay for both parties.

All right.

To learn how to release the proper way.

All right.

All right.

What else you got?

They provide opportunities to practice healthy communication.

So when you're setting your boundaries, you.

You are allowing yourself to better your communication skills in a healthy manner.

Rafika, you know, I have written down here on my page.

What do you got?

Can we have that tough conversation in a loving way?

Most definitely.

That's.

That's.

That's horror.

Fiki.

It might be hard, but it's okay.

How does somebody approach you sitting up there, says, it's hard, but it's okay?

And you just told us a story about.

It took you two weeks to have a conversation with somebody.

You heard it.

Mental.

But see, the thing about it is, sometimes by doing what I did, by going within myself and communicating with myself, it allowed me and it opened up the healthy way to communicate.

Is it easy or hard for you to have that tough conversation in a loving way?

Mental.

For me, it's hard.

It's hard.

I get it off.

But it's hard to do well, especially

for somebody with the model feelings.

Exactly.

Exactly.

It's.

It's hard because.

Wait, wait, wait.

Did you kind of paint yourself in the corner with that?

A little bit.

I didn't know.

I didn't.

I didn't.

I don't think I did.

But it.

But it.

As far as having that tough conversation in another way, you did.

I mean, yeah, because it's

okay to hear this question.

The conversation is, do you have to

come out of character to do that?

Yeah.

So in all actuality, it's not you protecting your boundary.

It's you coming out your castle and jumping over your fence and go and meet the other person on the other side of the fence, Or did you let your moat down and let the person walk over the.

Over the.

The.

The water with the alligators in it.

And the sharks with laser fans on top of it?

Oh, man.

No, it's.

It's.

It's like, you know, like.

Because the Conversation is already going to be tough enough to have, like, you know, whatever, if it's that tough, all right?

The least I can do is not come off aggressive or even overly aggressive if we're going to even sit down and have this conversation.

You just brought up a word.

Mental.

What's the difference between being direct in a conversation and being aggressive?

Oh, because what if somebody, you know,

I think aggressive would be, you know, like, like, like beating a dead horse, you know, con going or continue going back to the same point, you know, direct.

You just, boom, I said it was.

Now we on to the next point, then, you know, the next point, then the next point.

Not just sitting there, we stuck on point one for 30 minutes.

And I'd have repeated the shit 25 times.

You know, I think that would be aggressive.

So, Rafiki, you.

That has.

That's your current practice right now, learning how to have that tough conversation in a loving way and being okay with it.

Yes, because the very next one is you learn how to say no to something or someone and not.

And not.

I'm gonna do this one more time and not feel guilty.

See, in the past, I would always feel guilty of having those.

Those tough conversations.

And every time I would say no to somebody, I always feel guilty.

But like I said earlier on in this, you know, podcast, I had to learn when I didn't, like, want to do something, I had to literally say no.

And that deals with my own family.

I had to literally tell my.

My niece that I had to tell her no because she's want me to take on three dogs and I can't have them.

So I had to literally say no, and I didn't feel guilty about it.

Rafiki, Mental.

Do y' all know what the two hardest words are to say?

One is no, the other one.

And the other one would probably be yes.

Correct.

Yes and no are the two hardest words for people to say yes to something and no to something.

Exactly.

What does she.

What is you?

So to.

To.

To sum up everything that I just said, it was actually broken down into a mean by somebody.

That person sent it to me, so I'm gonna go ahead and read it.

By the way, shout out to Tarot for sending it.

Send it to me.

What up, Tarot?

Mr. Leo?

So think of the word boundary.

All right?

Beware of what is unacceptable and normalize saying no.

Do what is best for you and know that it is not your responsibility to sacrifice yourself or others.

Well, since we giving shout out quotes, here's one from personal.

A friend of mine goes by the name Lisa.

You have to train people how you want to be treated.