Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

on this beautiful journey called life now that I'm not scheduling

in my recording of my podcasts anymore, I'm I don't know, I

feel that strong urge to be there to show up for you right

before it was Monday and Thursday, I know I need to show

up. And you need to have a topic that's of interest, or

addressing a topic that somebody requested. And now that it's

more easygoing, flowing, I can feel that this energy that wants

to come out my, my mission, my vision is way stronger again.

And I'm just so excited to be able to do this and to have you

here. So please know that I appreciate you so much. And that

I respect you so much. Because I know my content is, you know,

sometimes very uncomfortable and challenging, yet you decide to

keep coming back and you learn with me together, you grow with

me together. And I find that so, so crazy good. So nurturing, so

connecting, and so powerful. So a big, thank you for everybody

here listening, and showing up. It's just amazing. Today, I want

to talk about criticism, and how to gracefully risk received

criticism, I want to give you a little bit of an insight here.

My whole podcast is kind of, it's a build up. So if you're

just tuning in freshly I invite you to go back to season one and

to work your way through because you will learn gradually and

grow and progress with me together. And not all of the

topics. But most of the topics I choose to talk about because it

is stuff that I used to struggle with, or I'm still struggling

with today. But I've learned to deal with things differently to

approach certain problems, situations, from a different

angle. And I'm in the process of growth and evolution, so to say.

And I decided to talk about these topics, because maybe it's

new to you, or maybe have great value. And maybe you're

struggling with the exact same things as I do. And I can make

you feel less alone. And I can create a space for you where you

feel safe to ask questions where you feel safe to go to those

vulnerable places, and where you feel good about letting go of

old habits that don't serve you anymore. So receiving criticism

is a big topic for me still today. But back in the day, in

my 20s it was a shitshow it was so horrible, especially in my

intimate relationships. It was very difficult for my partner to

signal or to communicate to me that something was off,

something was not going the right way. And they need a

change. Because the problem was, I can see that now that I highly

identify with being an empathic person, a person who cares about

others, a person who's compassionate, and all that

jazz. So I don't allow myself to make mistakes. I always want

people to feel good and comfortable. I always want to

make sure that everybody is having fun and can be honest and

can be open. Right? So I'm doing my best really when it comes to

connections and relationships. So when I receive criticism I

push back I not only push back but I explode. I implode right I

shut down or I attack because I feel so embarrassed. I feel so

yeah, embarrassed and angry and I can't believe what I'm just

hearing And of course, that's highly uncomfortable for the

person usually they don't expect that because here's the role are

super chill super relaxed, super social and, you know, enjoyable

to be around. Of course you can shoot shoot some, like criticism

at her and she's going to take it gracefully. But no,

she doesn't. She does not she has learned that she fights

back. And it's a huge shitshow. And I've learned along my

journey that if I allow the other person, be it in a nice

way they criticize me or in a little bit weird way and maybe

even passive aggressive. That if I can take it in for a second

and think about what was just said, and see that the other

person wants to stay connected with me, they want to be in a

relationship with me, be it a coworker, or boss or an intimate

partner. I'm receiving criticism because they want to stay in a

relationship with me, but they need things to go differently.

They need me to change or to adapt. Right? Because the first

thing I always thought is, when somebody criticizes me, I'm

taking it. Like my whole personality is being criticized.

And I'm being rejected and being, you know, thrown out of a

community. I'm being faced with deep pain, but that's my

trigger. That's my problem. The other person might have just

said, Aurora, you've been really messy lately, again. Can we make

sure that the house is a little bit more orderly? It doesn't

have to be sanitized? But can we have it a little bit more

orderly? And then I can just sit there and be like, yeah,

actually, you're right. Actually, I didn't care of

myself as much and the last couple of weeks, and it's gotten

really messy. And of course, I'm gonna clean up. You're right.

I'm not wrong. But you're right. And maybe I'm wrong, too. And

that's cool, too. Right to be okay. With somebody telling you.

Hmm, can we do things differently? Or you fucked up

here? Can we rectify this? Because it makes me feel

horrible. So I invite you to look at yourself, and to see

what you what your first thoughts are, when you're being

criticized? Do you feel attacked? Do you feel that the

person is kind of a stick in your wheel? Do you feel you want

to, you know, shut that person out of your life? Is it so

uncomfortable? Or can you let your guard down and see that

there's some truth to their comment. And that if you decide

to look into it a little bit further without feeling

attacked, and maybe even by asking questions, to further

understand where the other person's criticism is coming to

coming from sorry, then you can even deepen your relationship.

And here's some bonus points, girl. Right? Sometimes, we feel

like different people from from all walks of life, react

weirdly, in the same way, or criticize in the same way. Maybe

there's some truth to it. Right? There is something that they all

have in common. And it is you. Maybe you can start look at

yourself and see if there's choose to what these people say.

And again, sometimes they might be able to communicate very

calmly and kindly. What makes them feel uncomfortable or what

they need to see changing. But sometimes they might not find

the right words, and then I invite you to go even further.

And to jump over your feelings, your little ego feeling

attacked, and trying to see like cut through the bullshit and try

to see what is it that the person actually wants to

communicate to me? She's constantly nagging she's

constantly criticizing me. What is it just turn that volume

down. It's so annoying. But maybe you can help that person

to express themselves in a way that you want to receive Give it

that you want to change and understand. Right? So it's a

tricky one. I was very open with you at the beginning of this

episode, I'm still struggling with that. But I recently

realize that delivery comes from people who want to be working

with you who want to be connected with you. And you're

not perfect,

you're not supposed to be perfect, you're a human being

who makes mistakes. So it's okay to admit that you make mistakes.

It's okay to also stand up for yourself and to kind of, you

know, justify a little bit why you do certain things certain

ways. But not in a way that attacks the person back or, you

know, allows you to keep engaging and shitty behavior,

that's not okay. Just know that we all have our coping

mechanisms from back then when we needed to protect ourselves.

Maybe you were in survival mode for way too long. And now your

coping mechanisms are kind of your guard your shield that

protects you from being too vulnerable. But if people are

genuine with you, and if they want to connect with you, and

stay connected with you in the future, then give them the

benefit of the doubt. This is what I've learned. And it really

helps to create deeper connections. And that's what I

wish for all of us. I wish for all of us that we know 100% who

we are what we need, what we are standing for what we want in

life. You don't have to find out right away, but bit by bit,

right having that direction you go towards that that little bit

of a goal pass, let's say and to have deep, meaningful

connections that are honest and genuine. And Don't pamper us.

But show us where we can still grow, especially intimate

relationships are going to show either what you still need to

work on or what you're really good at already. And the stuff

that you're not really good at already. You can have a look at

it and you can learn and grow and evolve, expand. Alright, I'm

gonna leave you with this. I'm going to wish you a good rest of

your day. I really care about you. I care about connecting

with you. Join me on facebook Aurora Eggert on Instagram

Aurora Eggert coaching and yeah, I'm always happy to connect and

receive episode topic requests. If there's any topics that you

want me to talk about in the future, please do not hold back.

And if you feel the time is right to address your growth,

your Evie evolution. Then have a look at my coaching side, Aurora

eggert.com or contact me and we'll talk about how I can

support you on your journey towards yourself. All right.