[00:00:00] Dana Cox: I think the one thing that was most I won't call it shocking, I'll call it interesting is that, I was able to learn something from each person in the group, what they were going through.

[00:00:11] I could relate to it. I could learn something from what their growth was, what they had, their aha moments. And also they were able to learn something from me. And so, you know, we were able to pour into each other's cups in a way that, you know, when you're lonely and you don't have anyone pouring into you you're constantly pouring out.

[00:00:31] It was refreshing to be able to, to be amongst a tribe of women who were pouring into me as I was pouring into them as well. So I think for me, that was probably the most interesting aspect is to just like, oh God, I'm not dry like the desert. Somebody done gave me a drop of water. Hallelujah, it's like, Ooh, and it tastes so sweet.​

[00:00:56] Christy Rutherford: Welcome everyone to Why She's Winning. I'm your host, Christy Rutherford. Sorry we have two minutes late. We had some Bob builders in the background. I had to go and ask them to cease and assist,

[00:01:34] but anyway, I am here with my phenomenal, fabulous, amazing, travel ready, executive level, free unicorn riding, joyous.

[00:01:48] Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. Dana Cox. Dana Cox. Are you ready? Dana?

[00:01:53] Dana Cox: I'm ready. I'm ready.

[00:01:55] Christy Rutherford: Dana is the Senior Vice President of Global Delivery Enablement at MasterCard. She leads a global team of professionals who interface with product and engineering teams to support product design, improve the customer onboarding methodologies, as well as the find and document the implementation process for the customer facing regional delivery teams.

[00:02:14] Before this role, Dana led the core product delivery vertical within North America. She oversaw the delivery of MasterCard core loyalty and gateway offerings. In this role, data drove 396.8 million, 270 B billion. What's that? G D V. What's that G D V?

[00:02:32] Dana Cox: Gross Domestic Volume.

[00:02:33] Christy Rutherford: Gross Domestic Volume in net revenue and 105.3% increase in convergence. Y'all see she's taking credit for all the points I led at.

[00:02:43] Yes, all of it. She led first time appointments of new MasterCard product services and technologies generating a 366.7% boost in introducing new core products and strategic enhancements to enable existing product launch.

[00:02:59] Ooh Lord. This might be the longest bio ever read. Hold on, okay.

[00:03:06] Dana Cox: Ain't not

[00:03:09] Christy Rutherford: Might longer than mine. Alright. Ok. Dana has an NBA with high honors from Cardinal. Where is that? Cardinal Stritch University? What is that?

[00:03:20] Dana Cox: In the mid west.

[00:03:24] Christy Rutherford: Where? Wisconsin?

[00:03:26] Dana Cox: Wisconsin. Yes. Where I'm from. Don't look. Not Wisconsin.

[00:03:31] Christy Rutherford: I haven't heard of that. Okay. Shout out to Cardinal Stritch and a Bachelor in science and Business with high honors from Upper Iowa University, Iowa, and Wisconsin, Dana?

[00:03:44] Dana Cox: Yes.

[00:03:47] Christy Rutherford: Is there a university there?

[00:03:49] Dana Cox: Yes.

[00:03:50] Christy Rutherford: Back up. Okay, great. Dana is also the co-founder and CEO of Cox Travel Adventures LLC, which focuses on cultivating luxury travel experiences for individuals, families, infinity groups, air retreats that support both economic and sociocultural sustainability by trying to stick to locally owned businesses when shopping or dining.

[00:04:12] Ensuring when Explore the region guides and others involved our locals and paid a fair wage supporting the preservation of local traditions by exposing our clients to cultural practices and customs. She serves on the Connecticut Main Street Center Board of Directors and Stewardship Committee and is a custom collaborative board of directors member.

[00:04:30] She has energy and engagement for people in their work. A passion for delivering excellence to customers and an obsession with developing others. She leads with the strong understanding of the correlation between relationship and results. That's it. It is over. I ain't cut it.

[00:04:52] Welcome, Dana. Oh, this is on the line.

[00:05:03] Dana Cox: Whoa.

[00:05:04] Christy Rutherford: Oh, all right. So welcome Dana. How are you today?

[00:05:09] Dana Cox: I'm great. How are you, Christy?

[00:05:11] Christy Rutherford: I'm awesome. I'm awesome. You got the Eagle crew on here. Of course they coming for you. So all right.

[00:05:16] So Dana. What was going on with you when you were thinking about. You had to say the university between Duke Cal patches.

[00:05:28] What was going on with you when you decided to reach out to us and you know, talk to us? What was going on?

[00:05:35] Dana Cox: Interesting enough, Christy, I knew something was going on, right? So had gone through a lot of loss recently. Having lost my dad during Covid, not to Covid, but during that period of time he had not been well for some time.

[00:05:51] And then about a year later, my grandmother passed away, and that was unexpected and that really kinda rocked my core my foundation if you will. And I was, but my normal, I went into my normal process of just doing right, got on plane, went to be with family, helping them plan things, putting things together, just working through it cuz the work has to get done.

[00:06:18] But never really giving myself permission to process the loss and that caught up with me, it caught up with me in a big way. And when you're leading a team, it takes a lot of energy in order to, I'll say, be on, right? Try to show up and be fully present and all those things.

[00:06:42] And I just found for myself that it was taking a lot out of me, so I shut down and some nights not even eat dinner and just go straight to bed so I have enough energy to do it all over again, and that wasn't living, so I knew I needed to do something.

[00:07:01] We lost Christy, y'all. Normally. I think this is the other way around.

[00:07:08] Christy Rutherford: Uhuh. What just happened? Can y'all hear me? Because I unplugged everything. You know, I got cameras and lights and stuff plugged in.

[00:07:15] Boom. Everything had to go. All right, now, now that we got that outta the way, welcome everybody, you know. We just got some glitches over here.

[00:07:22] Robin say, if we didn't hear it, if you did. So, alright, you were, so this was January of this year, January, 2022.

[00:07:32] Dana Cox: 2022. Yeah.

[00:07:33] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. So basically, was it everything had started to snowball or were you like, you know, at the beginning of the year, I'm finally gonna do something about it. So, which one was it?

[00:07:45] Did you get to a point you can take it anymore? Or did you say, you know what, I wanna do something different?

[00:07:49] Dana Cox: I got to a point where I needed to do something different. It was the whole just get up, do the work, go to bed, and, you know, things were catching up with me. It just seemed like there was not enough time to get everything done and I was just like, screw it.

[00:08:05] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. So you ended up joining us on the event, the five hour event that Leandra talked about, you know a couple weeks ago. So what was, I would say, what was most shocking to learn about yourself? You know, during the time that I was talking on that event, and I'm gonna plug up my light while you talk.

[00:08:23] Go ahead.

[00:08:24] Dana Cox: On that event. I think the one thing that was like the most shocking, or was the aha for me wasn't necessarily what I learned about me. I just learned that I wasn't by myself, and that there were other women out there in the world that were experiencing similar type of things.

[00:08:43] And so it just was like, okay, there's a tribe , there's a tribe. Oh my goodness, I found my tribe. Somebody to understand me. Somebody to see me. Where do I sign up? Pretty much.

[00:08:57] Christy Rutherford: You know, I tell people all the time, look, this piece right here, just get the scissors. Just cut. Just cut, that's what I did.

[00:09:07] This interview gonna be so good. Y'all see everything popping that little curl right there in the front. Camera going out. Microphone. It's gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright. We gonna get it right. We'll get it together.

[00:09:18] Robin say you don't need a light. You are the light.

[00:09:21] Dana Cox: Yes.

[00:09:22] Christy Rutherford: All right, Robin . So here's the thing about leadership, because you're the mom, you know, you took up the first 15 minutes of the interview with that bio.

[00:09:32] What a lot of women don't realize, and I imploded in my head first in my career, we implode in our heads first because we think we by ourselves. And so my goal, once I got my life back, right, was to create a tribe, like you say, and be like, girl, you're not by yourself. We don't have to suffer in senior leadership, so you are the blah, blah, blah for the blah, blah, blah of the blah, blah, blah.

[00:09:56] We read it already. That was for the answer, and you're suffering at home, but you had to show up every day as a leader. And then you have to show up for the people at home, even with loss, even with multiple losses, which let's face it, everybody's gonna go through something and we can't, as the, you know, one of the senior leaders in the executive leaders in an organization, you can't show up broken at any point.

[00:10:21] You can't show up weak at any point. You can't show up vulnerable at any point. And that pressure is tremendous. So talk a little bit more about that, because I want you to, you know, you're expressing where I was, where Leandro was, where Robin was, where you know where you are.

[00:10:37] So, talk a little bit more about, I would say the silent suffering that we endure as women in leadership in executive levels.

[00:10:45] Dana Cox: You know, you have to, you don't, you're not in a position to bring your full, authentic self, right? You have to be there to catch other people. You have to be a soft place for other people to land when they're going through struggles. You're there for your team. You are coaching them through you know, challenges.

[00:11:04] You're coaching them up when they're feeling low. You're constantly pouring into the cups of other people, but no one's pouring into your cup. And so you get depleted, you're running on fumes and you know, that's the part that no one sees. But yeah, you have a smile on your face, you gotta smile your way through it.

[00:11:25] And hopefully, you know, you don't face plant in the process, or lose it in a meeting, you know, or something like that. Cuz there have been, you can get tried and tested on many occasions.

[00:11:41] Christy Rutherford: Yes ma'am. You mean like this? Look, oh I gotta go to the bathroom. Cause somebody about to get it in this meeting. Either they get it or they're about to get it or we have to leave.

[00:11:52] So what was most surprising to you about, you know, learning that you weren't by yourself and when you joined us?

[00:12:01] Cuz we do group, we don't do, Christy Rutherford don't do one on one no more. Don't ask me. I don't do it, because we're so lonely. We don't need one on one. And the thing about, you know, the women who want one on one is that we're trying to hide our secrets, not knowing that there are other women who are just like you.

[00:12:19] So what was most shocking to you when you end up getting into the Eagle crew? Like, you know, getting into the tribe and a group of women? What was, I would say most you know, shocking to you and most comforting to you about that?

[00:12:29] Dana Cox: I think the one thing that was most I won't call it shocking, I'll call it interesting is that, I was able to learn something from each person in the group.

[00:12:40] What they were going through. I could relate to it. I could learn something from what their growth was, what they had, their aha moments. And also they were able to learn something from me. And so, you know, we were able to pour into each other's cups in a way that, you know, when you're lonely and you don't have anyone pouring into you you're constantly pouring out.

[00:13:01] It was refreshing to be able to, to be amongst a tribe of women who were pouring into me as I was pouring into them as well. So I think for me, that was probably the most interesting aspect is to just like, oh God, I'm not dry like the desert. Somebody done gave me a drop of water. Hallelujah, . It's like, Ooh, and it tastes so sweet.

[00:13:29] Christy Rutherford: So here's the thing. We walking around empty depleted Dana, thinking that we secretly bitter. Oh no baby. It ain't no secret. We think we hiding it. We think we're hiding the bitterness, and the resentment and the emptiness and people know, but they won't stop asking. And I remember, you know, getting on the other side after I burned out and cracked up, and once I started to get my mind back, I said, you know what?

[00:13:54] I was so, my cup was so dry. People had a squeegee talking out, but can I get? I have nothing left. And they said, but I know you got some in there. Please give it to me.

[00:14:06] Dana Cox: Dust.

[00:14:06] Christy Rutherford: And the problem is we're giving, giving, giving, doing, doing, doing, you know, and doing all these things for everybody. We leave nothing and we give nothing for ourselves.

[00:14:16] And I think it becomes a point of, even if people do try to pour, we just require different octane at the top.

[00:14:26] Dana Cox: No, very true. And here's, I'll say this, right, I've also learned the difference between, I've learned, I won't call it a difference, I've come to an understanding of what true self-care is.

[00:14:36] And it's not getting a massage. Cause I've been getting a massage, two hour massage, by the way. Every other week for a mighty long time. I still dry and dusty. That was not saving my soul that was not filling my cup. It worked out my kinks, but two weeks later, the same kinks in my neck and my back and my shoulder and all those things were right back there because you carry so much of that in your body.

[00:15:03] It's a cellular thing. It's not just, you know, on the surface. But don't stop the massages. Keep getting the massages now.

[00:15:14] Christy Rutherford: I used to get three 90 minute and two hour massages a month calling that self-care. But but I was managing my brokenness. I wasn't healing it. You know, I was managing, and expecting stress, and I need y'all to work the stuff out this week because on Monday it is gonna be a whole new pilot-ish that I'm gonna have to deal with.

[00:15:37] So I need y'all to extract some of the stuff out, but I was never healing it. I was never letting go of the baggage. I'm just trying to have them push some of the baggage out of the way so I can now expect new baggage to come in. So that ain't self-care. That's insanity. Right?

[00:15:57] Dana Cox: Exactly.

[00:15:58] Christy Rutherford: What's your definition? Let's talk about self-care, because people always say self-care ain't selfish. What was your definition of self-care before January, and what's your definition of self-care today?

[00:16:12] Dana Cox: My definition before January was, I thought I was doing it like yoga and getting my massages.

[00:16:19] I'm like, ooh, I'm taking care of me. Yeah, no, that was not taking care , that was not taking care of me. For me right now, self-care is doing things that actually bring joy to my soul, and really being happy and doing the things that make me happy. And if they don't make me happy, being okay with saying no.

[00:16:40] And period. No. Period. Not no and. Not no but. Just no, period. Because I also think, you know, prior to January it was for me, I felt like I had to have an explanation for the why behind why I didn't wanna do that. Why I was saying no to that, why I wasn't going to that. And I don't owe anybody an explanation for anything other than myself.

[00:17:05] No. Period is a sentence all by itself. And I had to get comfortable with just giving that as an answer.

[00:17:14] Christy Rutherford: You know what's interesting? And I don't know if we're gonna get to the point, y'all, we gonna get that cuz we on something else. Dana's like, we just spun all the way over here. We're gonna bring it back. Y'all we're gonna bring it back. Y'all rock with us.

[00:17:26] Nicole. Just put, you know, prayer, meditation, walking, journal, and therapy. That's kind of like self-care. But that's the surface stuff that people tell us to do. And we still crazy. Like we did all of that. It goes a little deeper than that.

[00:17:39] So you talked about one key thing, and really I think there's too one acknowledging that something was going on that's self-care. You gotta acknowledge that you're drowning. You got to acknowledge that you are a little crazy. You got to acknowledge that you're empty. And we're not willing to do that because our professional brands are so strong.

[00:17:57] We can't acknowledge that our soul is empty. We can't knowledge that we're dry, go ahead.

[00:18:03] Dana Cox: And not just that. I think also you have the personal side, right? Your families are looking at you, and some cases you're the one, right? You're the one, so you can't be broken. You can't have an issue.

[00:18:16] You can't have anything wrong. You can't not know how to navigate this situation. You have to know if anybody knows, you have to know. And so you have that responsibility on the other side as well.

[00:18:30] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. You know, a lot of us are first gen, you know, first generation college student, first generation, you know, whose parents came from a different, we're not prepared to navigate the treasury of corporate jobs, we're not prepared. Even in the military, we're not prepared, and it's treacherous.

[00:18:58] There are alligators and polar bands right beside each other, and piranha and like everything is coming for us. We're like, as strong women, we are not prepared to navigate it and once we get to a certain level of senior leadership, we not only have the responsibilities in leadership, now we have the responsibility for being the one in our families too, and those two worlds collide.

[00:19:23] And in the middle is our suffering, our silent screams and suffering soul. And then stuff is gonna start popping off on both ends. When you don't get the promotion that you asked for that you know, you have family members, close family members that pass away, you can't adequately mourn, really, because now you're not allowed to be vulnerable in both places in your personal life and in your professional life.

[00:19:50] Dana Cox: Exactly. Exactly. And Vision Finders has really helped me to have a safe space in order to be able to, as I say, let my eyes leak. Cause I don't like to cry.

[00:20:03] Christy Rutherford: Yeah, yeah. You be like, you ain't cry.

[00:20:06] Dana Cox: Yeah. My, I ain't crying. My eyes are just leaking.

[00:20:09] Christy Rutherford: So, as you were going through the program and you started to acknowledge the baggage, because we are masters that compartmentalize stuff.

[00:20:17] We don't unpack nothing. We dragging all of it with us. And that's what creates your eyes to start leaking because you're starting to release, you're acknowledging what you're carrying, and then you're consciously letting it go. And the crying is just the release of that pressure that's been built up for, you know, over the past couple.

[00:20:36] Oh, I would say over the past 40, 50 years or whatever your lifetime is. So, what's one thing I would say that you did to assist you with releasing some of your baggage that you can share with some of the women today?

[00:20:52] Dana Cox: So a couple things that I did that was helpful for me. One, I had to acknowledge that I wasn't living my life, you know, I was living, you know, some representation of a life that, you know, certain members of my family had, you know, said this is the way it's supposed to be.

[00:21:06] Right. You know, I don't know how many of you, you know, did this, but you know, you went to school all week and on the weekend you spent the time cleaning the house. And then, you know, Sunday you go to church and Monday you start it all over again. And that was what my life was even in adulthood. That did not bring me joy.

[00:21:28] That's not how I wanted to spend my weekends or anything like that. And, you know, work hard all week. And then Saturday you're cleaning the house, you're running the errands. Sunday you go to church and then you do it all over again. There was no rest time, no reflection time, no any of that. And so one of the things I did was I got a housekeeper.

[00:21:47] I'm like, I don't like it. I ain't doing it, so there, I got got her, hallelujah. Thank you, Aleena. So thankful for her every week. And then also Chef Roadie. I love Chef Roadie, yes, we got a personal chef because I work too many hours and I just, I'm not doing it. Not that I can't cook, I just, that's not how I wanna spend my time and my time is valuable and precious to me.

[00:22:14] So I am choosing how I want to spend my time and investing in things that matter and make my life easier. So those are two things that I did. Made my life easier. And then the other thing was the forgiveness work. I think that was the most pivotal aspect for me, was the forgiveness work. That had a cellular impact on me in working through that process.

[00:22:36] And I think that, I thought I had done the forgiveness aspects. But I had did it at the surface level. I hadn't gone really had gone deep enough with it. And in some cases I thought that, oh, I knew, I don't wanna have this conversation, because I already had this conversation. I know how this conversation is going to go.

[00:22:56] The person's not gonna be receptive and so why am I gonna waste my time doing that? Cause they're just gonna piss me off. And I remember that week and you showed up that week. I was like, oh heck.

[00:23:12] And Raquel was like, listen, we've been on this thing for seven weeks. When you gonna let it go? I'm like, all right, fine. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get it done before the eighth week. I'm gonna be set free. I promise. And it was actually very cathartic. I had to write it out in a letter form which made it easier for me cuz then I can stay on script and not derail myself in having the conversation.

[00:23:39] I went to my massage. You know, don't give up the massages. I went to my massage after doing the things, the forgiveness work, and my massage therapist was like ma'am, what have you been doing? Because the knots that she had been working out of me consistently, habitually for five years were nowhere to be found.

[00:24:03] They were not even present, and she was like, whatever it is you did, you need to keep doing it. I'm like, I'm running outta people to forgive . But that, those are the two things. It was, you know, being vulnerable enough to do the forgiveness work, but also, you know, sitting down and prioritizing my time and how I wanted to spend my time in ways that bring me joy.

[00:24:28] Christy Rutherford: So let's talk about this this cooking and cleaning thing, right. Because I remember, I think, I don't know if it was me that brought it up, cuz that's my thing. Christy Ruthford lives by herself. My lady's coming today at five o'clock. She was like, oh, miss Christy, I gotta work this week. Can I come let, yes, yes, Christy Rutherford ain't fold clothes.

[00:24:49] I need my folds, I need the laundry. I need the stuff folded and put in the drawers properly. Why am I mopping and you know, I'll keep the dishes or whatever. And I got pile loads of clothes that I have not folded. They waiting for her to to come and fold and then I need to get a, you know, I had a meal prep personnel I'm looking for them like this, I just need to come in here and have somebody wash my dishes every day and cook. I just, I don't have time. And it is not that I can't, cuz the sister can burn. Right.

[00:25:16] It's like, what is the highest and best use of my time now? Not what I am taught to do at a young age, to be everything, to, you know, my partner that's in the house. Cause I did that last week. When my friend came, I was like, oh look, I gotta cook, clean, wash clothes.

[00:25:37] This is crazy. Where is the clean lady at? Like, I need this every day. How do you feel about a personal chef, and a cleaner lady, cuz this right here is the sampling of what can happen, but it ain't gonna happen.

[00:25:50] So back on this, how did that change the dynamics? Because a lot of times you would think, oh, my husband expects for me to do these things, and cook and clean because I'm the woman and I'm the woman in the house and I'm the wife. How did that change your relationship with him, when you started to outsource?

[00:26:09] Dana Cox: So first of all, we stopped arguing about who was cooking dinner. I'm like, well, you know, you the chef, you know, just do that. Right. You know? But for him, it's like, I don't wanna be the one doing it every single day. And I'm like, well, that's not how our life is set up. But getting that removed as a barrier to conversation right, was no longer an argument.

[00:26:35] We were sitting down talking about what we wanted the chef to cook next week. Because it's nice to have her, you know, tell her these are the things we wanna eat. She does grocery shopping. She comes in, she takes over the kitchen, she cooks everything. She cleans up what she leaves, and you know, it's magical.

[00:26:52] And it saves not only me time, but it saves him time as well. Now he's able to focus that time and energy elsewhere.

[00:27:02] Christy Rutherford: So, you talked about the forgiveness piece. Because I think, you know, I don't know if you're willing to share it. You can be like, I don't wanna talk about that. You do. You wanna talk about that?

[00:27:10] You know, we ain't gotta talk about it, but.

[00:27:11] Dana Cox: I have nothing to hide.

[00:27:15] Christy Rutherford: So you had to, and, because this is the thing about mom guilt, I see it on LinkedIn all the time where you have the moms of the younger kids, mama's busy coming home to, you know, I got to go kill the pig and I gotta bring home the bacon.

[00:27:34] And there are sacrifices and there are unattended consequences in our pursuit of executive level success, point, blank period. In all relationships, whether you're single and it's relationships that with your family, the relationship with yourself, the relationship that you want to have, you know, you can't necessarily put into, I would say, you know, relationships because you're giving everything to work.

[00:27:59] And then for the women who are married, it's hard to be the worker. The worker be woman, right? Because kids don't care. My niece has no chills. She'll walk in the middle of a keynote at 12:30 in the morning talk, asking me about some donuts. I was like, what? How did this baby get out the bed? Right?

[00:28:18] So, but it's the, can I stop in the middle of a paid keynote with China to tell the baby you need a bit? So, what were some of the things that were lingering that you tied up? You know, I would say through this program, because your kids are adults now. Yeah. So what was that dynamic? And I would say the realization, then the work, and then the conversation, and then the byproduct of that. Does that make sense?

[00:28:46] Dana Cox: Yeah. Yeah. So it was interesting cuz working through my own forgiveness exercise, what bubbled up in me was, oh my Lord, I need to ask my kids for their forgiveness because mama was on the road a lot. You know, and I made it to soccer matches and events and all those types of things.

[00:29:05] But there were a lot of things that I did miss and I probably was more of a drill sergeant at times, and wasn't very affectionate and loving and all those types of things. It's like, okay, you gotta boo boo, get up, dust it off, and let's go now, aint got tie me kissing that. Let's go. Just like there are six of them.

[00:29:27] And like, it's a whole battalion, like, shoot, like let's go, let's get it together. So, it was interesting for me to have that dialogue and that conversation with them for, you know, them to say, you know, my oldest son was like, look, you were who you needed to be and we appreciate that, you know, we are where we are because you were who you were.

[00:29:55] And hearing those types of things, you know, you're the captain of the ship, you know, you ran a tight ship and we're thankful for that. You know, and just knowing that, hearing from them that they appreciated the mom that I was, they understood the sacrifices that I was making and the reason behind them.

[00:30:10] But you never know that until you are willing to have that conversation and that dialogue with them.

[00:30:18] Christy Rutherford: And I think that's the key, right? Because you can carry that guilt of like, once you start to realize you're always going to carry the guilt of, I could have done something different. I could have been better, I could have given more, and had I did this, maybe they would be this.

[00:30:34] And so now to have that, you know, to clean out your closets, it gave you the capacity to now have a meaningful conversation that you really need it as a mom.

[00:30:47] Dana Cox: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And it's, you know, I'm really grateful for having had that conversation. I don't know if I would have, if it hadn't been for going through this program.

[00:31:00] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. So, did that change anything between, you know, you and your kids? Or did that just change your perspective of how you thought you showed up and you just got the truth of how they see you. Which one was it?

[00:31:16] Dana Cox: It was more the latter. It was really, it changed my perception of how they saw me, and it really kind of gave me the truth of how they saw me as mom.

[00:31:25] And so it really was like, okay, whew, hallelujah. They didn't wanna be in somebody else's house, good.

[00:31:37] Christy Rutherford: All right, so let's talk about, so since you've been, I dunno, were you traveling like what you doing right now or what do you, I mean, did you just start a show? I'm just trying to, I'm confused. Oh, you know, I be on LinkedIn to my mic. God, this lady is everywhere. Were you traveling like that before or was your joy different or are you now just posting it?

[00:31:56] I'm trying to figure out what's going on with Cox Travel Adventures over here. Dana stays somewhere. I'd be like, don't you have a job girl? Ain't you in an executive leadership position? Yeah. And she taking all of her vacation time. Do you hear me?

[00:32:08] Dana Cox: Listen, when I leave Croatia, I won't have a vacation. They left. Okay. That was the other thing, like I wasn't taking vacation. I was taking time, but I wasn't taking vacation. And when I did take vacation, and my husband can attest to this, I was working on vacation, and if my team is on the line, they, they will probably tell you I was working on vacation. They'd be like, can you stop sending emails?

[00:32:31] Aren't you supposed to be on the ocean liner somewhere? I now listen, I have no issues. When we are done with the workday today, the work phone is going off. They don't have to worry about me sending any emails, calling anybody while I'm on vacation. And most of the time when they are doing my old bad behaviors, I am emailing them going, can you stop working?

[00:32:54] You're supposed to be on vacation. Go spend time with your family. We got this. So yes, I'm using all my vacation times.

[00:33:03] Christy Rutherford: So you know, besides, because we all work because we think that our jobs need us, does that make sense? And they, that our team can't live without us and that we are the integral part that holds it all together.

[00:33:15] Like we're the spoke in the wheel that everybody has to rotate around. So we're not taking vacation to be crazy. We not taking vacation and we're nasty. We're not taking a vacation and we're exhausted, and that's not serving anybody. And so go ahead. What were you gonna say?

[00:33:31] Dana Cox: I was just gonna say, that's the lie we tell ourselves. Yeah. It is the lie we tell ourselves at the end of the day, you can work as hard as you want to. You kill over dead, they gonna send your family some flowers. They might pull the tree in your Honor, and they gonna post your job. That's what's gonna happen. So you need to live your life right now.

[00:33:55] Christy Rutherford: So that's, Dana. That's one. Okay, let me just that, that's two. This lady. Y'all follow her on LinkedIn. Look at this, I just be scrolling through that go in the other one. This is insane. Hold on. Two more. Not not just one more, two more. There should go. This is on LinkedIn. You know people be looking. Scowling wait.

[00:34:18] Her and her husband actually happy. How long y'all been married?

[00:34:20] Dana Cox: 30 years.

[00:34:22] Christy Rutherford: And y'all actually happy. So you was in up in my inbox talking one day. Tamar said, you feel like you just living for the first time. Hold on there, go the other one.

[00:34:34] Just follow her for the inspiration to traveling. So you said, you said you was stalking me, that you feel like, you're living for the very first time. What? I would just say give us a little bit more clarifying information on that. What does that mean to you?

[00:34:55] Dana Cox: Really taking the, being fully present, not really focusing on the past, not really focusing on the future, but the here and the now being fully present in the here and the now, and just having every experience, the fullness of every experience.

[00:35:10] That's not something that I was doing before. And you know, the sights of things, the smells of things, the tastes of things are really clear for me. And that's new. It's definitely new. Also, I would say just doing what makes me happy. Like, that's a part of living life. It's not like, oh, I can't go to that or do this because I need to do this work thing.

[00:35:36] And don't get me wrong, my work is done. But I'm doing that within work hours. I'm not working till midnight, like I used to, like eight in the morning at midnight. Unless I have a call with Australia. But it's compartmentalized now. It's really more focused work time and then focused lifetime.

[00:35:54] And so it's really being deliberate and intentional with how I'm spending my time and making sure that I'm living on purpose. I am living on purpose.

[00:36:06] Christy Rutherford: What's your, you know, when I think about people who talk about work-life balance is myth, and it's a lie, I'm like, just don't, no, you just haven't figured it out.

[00:36:15] Stop saying what's not possible for everybody because you haven't done it. So let's talk about work-life balance. You said it so good. I don't know if you just heard yourself when you say, I got the work stuff and then I got the home. I ain't write it down cause I wrote down work-life balance.

[00:36:28] Talk about, you know, what work-life balance, what you thought it was before January and what you know it to be today.

[00:36:35] Dana Cox: I don't know if I even had a definition for it, Christy, before January. I was probably one of those people going, I don't think this is possible. Oh, what, what do you mean work-life balance? It's a myth.

[00:36:46] I hadn't really realized it. Now I know it is, even though I'm working at home, I have a home office and I go into the office and I close the door. I'm at work. When I leave the office and I close the door, I am not at work. I am done working. It is time for me to focus in oh, okay honey, what are we doing today?

[00:37:04] You know, if he's gone to work, me and me and Bogar, Bo Deigo, we hang out, we do something fun, or I get together with friends or by myself. It just, I spend my evenings how I wanna spend my evenings.

[00:37:18] Christy Rutherford: How has this changed your relationship? Because you've been married for somebody for 30 years. That's a long time.

[00:37:22] That's a long time baby. Like, you know, and now y'all actually look happy. So how has that changed the dynamics, I would say, in your house and in your relationship with you living in the moment? Because we used to wake up on Monday, wish it was Friday. Well, we're looking forward to the next federal holiday.

[00:37:38] You know, we're living our life for the break that we get as opposed to creating a great life that we don't wanna escape. Right. How has that changed your marriage or has it changed at all?

[00:37:52] Dana Cox: It has my husband is very present guy, so he's always been like present in the moment, having a good time.

[00:38:00] He's never met a stranger. He's that person and I'm like, I don't know them people, I don't talk to them.

[00:38:06] I'm definitely different now. Cause we met strangers today. We met meet strangers all the time, and we become friends with them. So I see a lot of him rubbing off on me lately. I'm like, oh, this is what I've been missing. So but I like him and he likes me. Can you tell? Best blind date of my life.

[00:38:29] You know, he was a blind date 30 years ago, and never stop dating. I think that's also the other thing is like we actually continue to enjoy each other's company. We are definitely ying and yang but we benefit each other. We balance each other out. And doing this program and living in the moment now allows me to really be present with him.

[00:38:54] Where before it was just, I was like, we need to do this. We need the checklist. Running, still running the, still being the captain, still being the captain. He like kids gone and I am a battalion one. Leave me alone.

[00:39:16] Christy Rutherford: You be like, no, they go calm down. You be like, no, I've been locked in it for 20 years. I can't come out. I can't, I can't stop.

[00:39:23] Dana Cox: I can't, I can't stop. I dunno how to stop. This is it. This is it.

[00:39:27] Christy Rutherford: So, all right, last question. Let's get to the point of the interview. The whole title of the interview, right, is like, when I put up a post today where I talked about 10 years ago. I ran for my life and I think about it, you know, on occasion I ran for my life, baby. Do you hear me? Either I was gonna run for my life, I was gonna die. And so I've gotten to the point I think I had a couple weeks ago where I was like, you know, I'm glad I didn't retire because if I would've retired, I wouldn't be who I am today.

[00:39:52] You know, if I would have retired, I wouldn't be doing the work, you know, with you all phenomen, fantastic, bad ASS unicorn ride of women. Like sometimes we think that when things are falling apart, they're actually falling into place. If you can capture, you know, the goodness of what's happening, because it's not all bad.

[00:40:16] The things that fall apart are the lies that we tell ourselves. The things that fall apart when things are falling apart is being a hostage to people, and to situations that we no longer desire. When things are falling apart. What's falling apart are the lies that we tell ourselves that we're happy when we're actually miserable.

[00:40:34] And so we have an opportunity when life pushes us up against the wall is like either we can continue to fight for the life that's not making us happy, or we can surrender to God's plan, which is peace, joy, serenity, you know, and happiness. So you know, is it a midlife crisis or is it, you know, the soul is awaken and I think they're one and the same.

[00:40:57] You just choose which one you're going to attach your legacy to. What are your thoughts on that? .

[00:41:03] Dana Cox: Well, it's interesting cuz I had a former colleague ask me if I was going through a midlife crisis and I was like no. And if this is what a midlife crisis looks like, then everybody should have one.

[00:41:17] It's pretty much where I'm at. I think it's all in a matter of perspective, right. As with anything, it's how you choose to look at it. And I think often we like to look at things from a negative perspective, glass half empty versus glass half full. And it's a matter of how you choose to look at things, and what you think about is what you bring about, and how you speak about things.

[00:41:41] It's, you know, we talk about not being lazy in our language but those are, everything that you say, everything that you think all has to do with how the life that you're living is going to end up being. So making sure that you are in alignment, right, with that, your thoughts, your words, your deeds align up with the life you wanna have.

[00:42:03] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. I think a larger part is, you know, when you mess around and become happy.

[00:42:11] Dana Cox: Start chasing waterfalls.

[00:42:13] Christy Rutherford: Start chasing waterfalls. Have peace. It makes people uncomfortable because you've broken the mold, you've shifted the conversation, you've made them uncomfortable because they at your desk and you swinging on Bali with a long dress on.

[00:42:28] Right. It is like they're still caught in the rat race and you over there tiling your head like Buddha says, when you realize how perfect everything is, you'll tilt your head back and laugh at the sky and you tilting your head back and laughing at the sky. Did you know that was the quote?

[00:42:42] That quote should have whipped that one. But you know, it's like, and people are still sitting in their saying, right? They're still sitting in their complacency. They're still sitting in their complaining and you over there catching joy.

[00:42:56] So it's like, are you having a midlife crisis? Well, I'm actually, yes. The crisis is I wanna live the rest of my DAMN life as the best of my life.

[00:43:06] All right. So if y'all wanna join us, y'all can join me tomorrow at my event at LevelUpWithChristy.com. See how I switch to my commercial voice?

[00:43:14] Dana Cox: Well, I think, one thing I would say is don't allow the process, right, the fear of the process to punk you outta your blessing.

[00:43:23] Many of us have spent our lives as spectators sitting on the sidelines watching life pass us by, or we're hesitating and not doing anything out of fear of maintaining. You can choose those two or you can choose to be an initiator and initiate the life you wanna have.

[00:43:42] Christy Rutherford: Okay. What advice do you have for women who are on the sideline, you know, thinking whether or not they wanna work?

[00:43:49] You know, with vision finding international, cause we over here we killing a game over here in these streets, but that's just my opinion. What are your thoughts on that?

[00:43:58] Dana Cox: Oh yeah. V F M is killing the game, definitely killing the game. I would say, you know, fear is nothing more than contaminated faith, right?

[00:44:08] And you cannot have a desire for a wonderful life and be too afraid to go after it. A lot of times we say things, we do things that cancel out the blessings that we've been praying for. Get our off the sideline. If it's not vision finder, do something, but do something initiate your life that you want to have, and in order to do that, you have to do something.

[00:44:36] What you've been doing, has gotten you here, but it may not be serving you very well. So do something else. To get something else.

[00:44:46] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. That's good. All right, Dana, you are amazing I'm gonna let you go back to your vacation. Y'all go to LevelUpWithChristy.com. Join us on my event tomorrow.

[00:44:55] How to calculate your value in the market. We're gonna talk about money, but we wanna talk about peace. I mean, I like the money, but what's the point of getting the money if you still crazy? You know, like people inbox me and they be like, oh, how used your advice, and I gotta raise. I be like, but are you still crazy though?

[00:45:10] I mean, I like the money part, but I mean, now come over here and let's go get this peace. My firm belief is what's the point of getting more money if you still getting eight massages a month, you know, what's the point of getting more money if you still drill sergeant in your house getting on your husband's nerve?

[00:45:27] Cause the kids are going, you be like, my God, this lady just walked in the house. And I'm not saying that he did that, but it is like, what's the point of getting more money if, you know, you're still carrying under occurring of guilt for not being the perfect of what you may feel is the perfect mom.

[00:45:44] And you can't even have the conversation. So you're taking that stuff, you know, with you and you're dragging that baggage around.

[00:45:49] So I appreciate you don't hang up. So you got the women giving you shout outs, Nicole, Leandra, and everybody. So thank you rockstar for joining us. I know your time is precious, especially since you're on vacation and expensive.

[00:46:03] So y'all have a great weekend, LevelUpWithChristy.com. Y'all join us and take care.

[00:46:09] Narrator: Thank you for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave us a review if you love this episode, follow Christy on Instagram and LinkedIn, and don't forget to get her free gift by texting, "changenow" all one word again "changenow" to 6 6 8 6 6. Until next time, go out and win bigger.