Hello, and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm

your host Aurora, life coach, physiotherapist, yoga teacher,

animal lover.

How else would I describe myself? podcaster? Maybe? Yeah.

Very happy to be here with you and to spend some time with you.

Today we reached episode 40. From season five, I'm so excited

to Yeah, have you on board and for the people who have been

here ever since the start, thank you so much for being there for

your ongoing support. And for your reviews and ratings on

Apple podcast, it really helps to spread the word. My work here

is for free for you. I'm investing money. And I'm

creating this content for you to Yeah, have a space where you can

rest and relax and recharge your batteries. If ever you feel like

you want to give back or sent me some appreciation, please don't

hold back, hop on to the link in my show notes and buy me a

coffee. I would totally appreciate your feedback. And

yeah, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here. I want to make

this podcast as accessible as possible for people around the

world because the world is going through a big transition right

now. It's very stressful for so many people.

And the feedback I'm receiving as Yeah, very positive. And

people tell me I'm helping them to get through these stressful

times. So I love to find people that yeah, are not seeing any

light right now and feel left alone. And just Yeah, wanting to

give some hope and light to them and make them feel less lonely.

So you can play a big part in this. Thank you so much. So

today, last episode of the season.

Next week, I will be kickstarting launching season

six,

where I will focus in on the feminine. And what that means is

that I'm going to have a couple of interviews with ladies, I

will talk more about the feminine side of of people on

the world. And it is really important for you to understand

that I'm supporting mental health for everybody. For now, I

was focusing in on mental health for men.

And I just have lots to share about Yeah, the feminine side of

things. And I have lots of female friends who want to share

their story. Come season six.

And I find it very interesting too. Yeah. See,

and hear about different perspectives, and especially

when it comes to heterosexual relationships to see okay, what

can we do better? Where can we do our part? And where do men

need our support?

So it is going to be extremely interesting for men to listen to

what the ladies have to say. And please trust me that I will

always play it fair.

Think he will get to know a new side of me.

And I'm very excited to share this with you. I'm in this with

you together.

We're fighting the good fight. We all want to be seen and loved

and heard and understood.

But yeah, I see the gap I see the gap between men and women. I

feel it especially here in North America. And I would like to

make that gap a little smaller and bring people closer

together. Because the stronger our relationships are, the

stronger our society can be and more resilient to stress.

So today on this last episode of episode of season five, sorry, I

want to talk about difficult people and how we can deal with

difficult people.

Difficult, people are inevitable.

They are all over the place. Sometimes they're more often in

our lives than we like it. And difficult people are people

that, yeah, we can really

walk around or push out of our lives. They're just in our lives

embedded.

They may be a boss,

they may be a grocery clerk at our favorite store. In America,

yeah, relative,

maybe a person in our friend group.

Yeah, they can be everywhere. So I'm assuming that it is a person

in your life, when you think of someone right now who's really

annoying and difficult to deal with, that you can really avoid?

Because if you could, you would.

So how can we deal with these people in order to Yeah, not

waste too much energy on them. Because what I've noticed is

that people who really annoy the shit out of us take up so much

space, mental space,

and can really burden our relationships as well. You know,

when I have stressed with my boss, I come home, and then vent

to my boyfriend or to my mom or to my sister, or whoever's just

there, because in the moment, it feels good to share what's going

on.

But if we do that, for a longer period of time, you will see

that you are tiring out your loved ones, the people that you

share your struggles with. So my advice number one is that you

find someone neutral, outside of your friend circle outside of

your relationship, intimate relationships,

where you can talk about it constructively, like

productively, I think you say in English, and you protect your

primary relationships, from the BS that you're dealing with that

person. What I mean by that is, of course, when when your

partner asks you, hey, like you seem a little absent or you seem

a little bit upset, what's going on in your life, you share with

them openly, what's going on, but you will not go into details

and you will not unload onto them. Do you understand what I

mean by that, like the difference between telling

somebody what's going on and unloading emotionally and

verbally and energetically, is really important to distinguish.

So you take a life coach, you take a counselor, you take a

therapist, whoever you feel like having a new life, and there you

can work on resolving those problems. And they are you can

totally unload because those people are trained to set

boundaries with you and but at the same time, giving you space

where you can, yeah, feel good afterwards.

So protect your loved ones.

And then learn to set boundaries with the people who are

different and difficult in your life. You know, difficult

sometimes means annoying, sometimes means like, painful

attacking you.

And you have to learn to stand up for yourself. And the tricky

part is to stand up for yourself in a graceful way to not become

an asshole yourself.

So my third tip goes kind of hand in hand with the second tip

is that you then see the person

that you can get rid of

not as an obstacle anymore and an energy drainer but as an

opportunity, an opportunity for you to grow personally, until

like intellectually, mentally, emotionally,

maybe even spiritually.

So you think of that personnel that is deeply annoying to you

very difficult. And you think about

what is that that I can learn with this person?

and the lessons you can learn from a difficult person, like

what I've learned in the past is patience. I am learning to count

until 10. And not to explode, learning to tune into my breath,

instead of exploding.

I'm learning to stand up for to myself, no for myself, sorry. So

a person who brings you down makes you feel shitty. You will

in a very kind way, tell them. You know what your remark just

made me feel terrible, and makes me feel

worse than before I met you. And yeah, I want to talk about it.

Why is it that you had to say this to me, or what is bugging

you? Right? Like you open up a conversation in a very graceful

and kind way. But at the same time, set a clear boundary, and

it's going to make you feel fantastic, it's going to make

you feel so good to finally address it, and to stand up for

yourself at the same time, not to be an asshole about it. When

you walk away afterwards, it will just feel as if you just

yeah,

got something really important done. And you did. You set a

limit, you drew a line. And it is gonna affect all of your

relationships is going to affect the relationship with the

difficult person because they now know or shed, I was called

called out and I can't really fight back or react to it

because it was said in a very nice way.

And it will cut you off from that negative energy draw and

excuse me here to get a little bit as a Tarik. But people who

are difficult in your life are going to suck life energy out of

you literally.

And you're going to want to vent to the people you love, you're

going to want to ruminate about those situations and not be

present with the people that you love. And that's just not fair.

And then starting to stand up with you to for yourself, My

God, my English today, you will have more energy, more presence

more love, more life energy for the people that you care about,

or for when you then spend quality time with yourself.

Imagine yourself having a weird encounter with a difficult

person and then going for a walk or trying to meditate or having

a massage, it's going to be so difficult for your monkey mind

to switch off because your monkey mind is going to want to

fight back and I sort of said this all extend I'm going to say

that, no, you're not going to be in the moment because you didn't

draw a line. So difficult people will always be part of your

life, don't just take it as a given as a constant, they will

come in, they will come out. They can teach you valuable

lessons about yourself about your relationships, about how

much you want to protect your primary relationships. And

again, it's not about sucking it up and suppressing it. It is

about choosing neutral people to talk about your issues with that

person, and then to resolving it and not to stay in that

uncomfortable situation for longer than is needed. Right if

you started venting and spreading the poison that you

sucked up from a person that is bad for you.

You're gonna stay longer in a situation than if you were to

keep it to yourself and it getting worse and worse and then

forcing you to take steps to change okay.

So all this to say dealing with difficult people you will not be

able to change other people you can change only yourself and how

you react. And I always recommend you responding instead

of reacting and breathing and thinking how can I set a gentle

boundary here? How can I express how this person is making me

feel right now?

And then walking away or engaging in a conversation that

is resolving conflict? Resolution is what we want,

right?

Okay. This is what I had to say about difficult people we will

not change

To them, we will not be able to cut them out of our lives. But

we can learn to stand up for ourselves to communicate

clearly. And to protect our primary relationships.

I'm sending my love out to you. I wish I could squeeze you and

thank you for being here. I love doing this podcast for you. And

yeah, I hope you take really good care of yourself. Please

never hesitate to message me with episode requests. Or just

share with me where you're from. Where is your home base because

I'm always curious to find out where people are listening to my

podcast. Alright, drink lots of water. Be kind to yourself. You

got this. I will be out there very soon again for you. Bye