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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hi and welcome to the Uworld order showcase Podcast I'm your host, Jill Hart. And with me today is Raymond Kapowski. He is a coach and personal mentor, universal channel empowermentor and international Speaker, and he's also the author of the Universal Guide to healthy, selfish relationship partnership.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: He believes that change of any kind is possible for every person in this lifetime.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: a simple adjustment of awareness and focus might be all that is necessary, whether you are looking for a way out of the darkness or a more loving path

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: relationship, a path to ultimate achievement, or anything in between. He can help you welcome to the show, Ray. It's really great to have you here.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Oh, thank you, excuse me, thank you so much. You know the one thing that every time somebody introduces me and and me included, I have no idea how to say universal guide to a healthy, selfish relationship, slash partnership. The idea about the whole thing is that relationships are supposed to be crossed out, and if you see if you see the book.

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Raymond Kopakowski: it's around here somewhere. If you see the book, you can see there's a red line drawn through relationships, and I feel very strongly about that. But I have no way of saying it in a way that makes sense. So I just say, relationships slash partnership.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like it. And I'm I'm with you. A 100% on the whole relationships versus partnerships.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Thank God, I know that you're a you're a couples coach in a lot of ways.

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Raymond Kopakowski: There you go!

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Be sure us's book.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah, that's what he was.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Listening.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So how did you get started in this? You started to tell me before we started recording.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I really let me see here, I I started. I started doing this part of it. You know, I had a I had a really interesting and very interesting beginning to life.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and and I went through a whole lot of turmoil. I was actually born drunk.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and my mother was. My mother was a Lesbian, and she had been raped, and she and she drank throughout the entire pregnancy. And the the idea here is that she probably had me during the blackout.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know. So I was. I mean, that was my, that was my start. And and then I and I've had an amazing life being in show, business and traveling and all this stuff. And I ended up, I mean, eventually I ended up, you know, with my own set of problems.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And I got sober in 1984. I was talking to somebody recently about that. Excuse me, that

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Raymond Kopakowski: that I think Aa started me on this path. You know I was in the program and in Los Angeles. I loved it. I enjoyed the people, but I started getting messages that be careful what you say, because what you're saying in in the program here may not be taken the way that it is intended.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and I may, if I didn't get outside of the program, I might start doing more damage than good. And and I could explain that. But it it really, that part really doesn't matter.

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Raymond Kopakowski: What matters is that the messages that I started to get, and that was some of the 1st time that I connected with being a universal channel.

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Raymond Kopakowski: because I I would hear voices. I would see images. I would I would be talking and and feel like I was being pushed out of the way, you know, so more a different type of message would come and and it'd be. And and so that was like the start of it. But but I also realized at that point

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Raymond Kopakowski: that this was going to be the 1st time in my life that I was doing anything because I wanted to, and not because if I did it, will you love me? Will you keep me? That was the change. I had a sponsor that told me.

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Raymond Kopakowski: he said, when are you going to start loving yourself? When are you going to start? Stop hurting yourself

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Raymond Kopakowski: and and I? I went through the whole process of figuring that whole thing out. And and I said, You know something my job.

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Raymond Kopakowski: My job is going to be to help people and and and start to do that because I want to, and to help with whether they like me or not, or anything that that I was trying to get out of it. You know I was going to let all that go, and I was going to accept.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You know that this is this is a mission that that I have, and as I was doing it you know, I tried several things. I tried being a hypnotherapist, and I was pretty good at it, you know. I people said, Oh, you got a good voice, and people would go into trance

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Raymond Kopakowski: before I tried to put them in trance, and and and and so, but that the messages I got when I was doing hypnotherapy was this, wasn't it? You know it was good. It was fun. I didn't do stage hypnosis. I did really serious stuff. And and I was a help to people. And I've always wanted to do that.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And then I gradually moved on from doing hypnotherapy to doing relationship, coaching.

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Raymond Kopakowski: It was a natural progression. It's like when people would come to me, they would come for hypnosis, and I would. You know I would hypnotize them, but I would spend more and more time talking to them about about the situations, and trying to give them power to make the changes rather than being hypnotized to make the changes.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And I kept saying, You know something I didn't like the fact that people walked out of out of the office thinking that I did this.

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Raymond Kopakowski: It it's not that I didn't like taking it it just

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Raymond Kopakowski: it. It wasn't what I needed to do.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and when I moved away from that and moved into relationship counseling. I'm a very patient person. I love listening to people, but I started getting very frustrated.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and I didn't understand it. I didn't know what was going on.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And eventually, through the through my connection and stuff, I realized that the thing that was bothering me is that everybody, without exception, everyone that came to me for any kind of help

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Raymond Kopakowski: wanted to know how to fix what they did.

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Raymond Kopakowski: They wanted to know tools of how to get over stuff and how to let things go. And and in the back of my mind I was screaming. That just don't do it, you know, I mean, how come? Nobody asked me. How do you prevent doing it? You know. What? What is that? What is the point that you say to each other, why are we hurting each other? Why are we doing this? Let's not do that.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and then we don't have to fix it all the time. And of course, it's, you know, people are going to.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know, have problems and all that. But you could really minimize it by developing a partnership

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Raymond Kopakowski: and partnership is very different. And and that's that's when the light went on, when I started to recognize partnership as being the answer to relationships. And something that was. It's not new. It's just something that humanity seems to have missed. We we apply partnership in other ways, but not in loving relationships so.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and make a little sense.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: More con. It makes total consent, total sense to me. I I think that relationships are more of a control mechanism and partnerships are an empowering mechanism.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Both both sides are are equal.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they may be different, but they're equal in value, and they both contribute something. A relationship just means that you're in

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: proximity to each other. And you know you could have a

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: a good relationship where it's a partnership.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: or you can have a relationship where one person is doing all the giving and the other person's not participating at all. But you're in proximity to each other through contracts or

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: or other mechanisms. But it's there's there's a really important distinction to be made between those 2 words.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Think about relationships, think about relationships in respect to husbands and wives. The fact that we have a husband, a wife, a boyfriend, a girlfriend or boyfriend and boyfriend, or whatever the hell you do, the second that you name yourself as being such and such a person. It's it's divisive. I want to say divisive.

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Raymond Kopakowski: It's divisive, it separates us, it gives us, it gives us things to do. Husbands have ways to act, to handle their wives. Wives have, you know, vice versa, and all that stuff. What's missing in all of that equation is equality. People need to say I'm a human being first, st and I just happen to be a woman. I'm a human being, and I happen to be a husband.

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Raymond Kopakowski: But we're human beings first, st and as human beings. What we need to do is talk to each other with the, with the idea and the intention of protecting and building a partnership.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You know, how do? How do. How do I talk to you? If I want to be happy, and me and you are in in a a partnership, we're going to develop a partnership, and I want to be happy. My job in finding my happiness

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Raymond Kopakowski: is making sure that I do everything that I can to to find out the things that you need. So you don't. You're not constantly worrying if I care about you is listening to what it is that you're talking to. So you understand that I respect you and and all those things. If I take care of all of those things you are going to treat me well, which gives me. That's the selfish part.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I'm going to treat you as best as I can, because I don't want you to be a pain in the ass. You know I want you to. I you know I want you. I want you to be my partner, and I want you to be the best partner that I can have. So that's my my job inside a partnership is is to help you.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You know. Be be in a in a loving space.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Great.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I think the loving space starts with you. You have to love yourself before you can be in a partnership with other people, and you need. You know the old verbiage. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: There's a lot to that in that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: If you're if you're coming from a place where you do truly love yourself, you will treat others nicely, and if you're in a place where you don't like yourself, you are going to treat others poorly.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: because you reflect out what you're feeling yourself in an effort to get

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: affection or love, or whatever to be worthy.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You would be surprised how often people will try to love themselves and not understand how or not understand the steps that they need to take or a direction in order to do that.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I I find I find that it's absolutely clear when I can get somebody to say, Listen.

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Raymond Kopakowski: do you want to be happy?

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Raymond Kopakowski: And they say, Yes, I want to be happy. Okay, we can work with that. I don't care if you love yourself. I don't care about any of that kind of stuff. I care that if you want to be happy, then this is what you got to do, and and people don't. Although a lot of people may not deserve to be happy. A lot of people may never end up happy, but anybody can want to be happy.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You want to be happy. Okay, so if you really want to be happy, what do you need to do to be happy? That's where the responsibility comes in. So if I want to be happy at my job.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know, then then that's my responsibility. I said. I wanted to be happy.

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Raymond Kopakowski: That's that's great. Now, if I'm gonna be happy with something or doing something or being somewhere, that's my responsibility at that point, to make sure that it's going to funnel down to me in a way that makes me happy, because that's what I want.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Well,

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Article practical ways that to tell somebody to be how to be happy, I mean.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Are there practical ways. It absolutely depends on the individual and what it is that they're going through at the time. There's a lot of stuff that has to be broken down or just a minimal amount of understanding. We're taught a lot of stuff in because of relationships and because relationships have worked for years and years and years.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And now they're not working anymore. You know, we're we're too smart. We're exposed to too much. There's too much going on in the web and in movies and all this kind of stuff. So people are getting a lot smarter. And along with getting smarter, they're also becoming more adult, you know. And so some of the things that I that I have to deal with, and one thing in particular is the idea about negativity being negative.

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Raymond Kopakowski: negativity is an opportunity. It's never negative. It's never supposed to stay that way. And when when people start directing, excuse me.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Feedback.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Feedback.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah. And and it's and it's setting up an opportunity for us to look at what had happened. What happened in the past? What's happening now, how are we treating each other and being able to go? Okay, well, that sucked. Let's do something else. Let's let you know. How do you want me to treat you? How do you want me to listen to you?

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Raymond Kopakowski: This type of thing is what happens, and that's you know when you do that when you recognize that that you've been duped into this idea that negativity is supposed to be gotten over, you're supposed to forgive and forget you're supposed to let it go. All that kind of stuff is useless. It's it's a waste of time negativity

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Raymond Kopakowski: inside a partnership. If something negative happens when people are already partners when they when they understand the partnership, and they've been working at it. When something bad happens, it's almost like, Oh, Goody, goody, we get to work together and get closer.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You know it's it is. It's an a completely different and a very opposite kind of effect to recognize that that this is all good. So we screwed things up. That means that that you're going to talk to me, and I'm going to talk to you.

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Raymond Kopakowski: which means that both of us have an intention to have a good partnership, because you wouldn't be talking to me about this unless you really wanted to have a good partnership unless you wanted to clear it or find a new way to talk to each other. You wouldn't do any of that kind of stuff unless it's something that was important to you.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know. So I I wanted. I want to know that it's important to you, and that's the other side of it. Is that

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Raymond Kopakowski: that importance, that that we're just. We're touching on right now that that importance

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Raymond Kopakowski: comes connected to an intention, and the intention is to be happy. The intention is to have a good partnership.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and that brings up the next point, which is a really weird way of looking at trust.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And I went through a period of time that a lot of people were coming to me. And it was really about me learning this, this stuff that I needed so that I could. I could write in in the book and promote it and all that stuff.

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Raymond Kopakowski: The idea about trust.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know, our concept of trust apparently in in, in relationship to partnership. Our our idea about trust is

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Raymond Kopakowski: generally for our own comfort and nothing to do with reality.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You broke my heart, you broke my trust and everything. Well, what did you trust for, anyway? What made you think you could trust somebody if you didn't really understand what their intention was what they're trying to get out of this, what it meant to them when you start to do partnership, and you start to recognize that you had 2 people here

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Raymond Kopakowski: that are trying to protect what they value and what they value is this partnership. And when you know somebody, when you know that that's their intention that this is something that they really really want, and it's really important to them.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You can not only begin to trust them there, but you can help them. You can help them get the things that they need so they can get that stuff, and you can trust them more

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Raymond Kopakowski: be more connected.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Makes perfect sense. So how do you.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Sounds it

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it? It sounds like it shouldn't. But it does. I mean, how do you? How do you work with people? Is it like couples or one on one in groups. How does that all that work.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I'm I'm guided in everything I do. I offer people. I talk to them in the beginning.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and it depends on it depends. Every situation is different. What I'd like to do if I if I could do it, and I felt comfortable just offering it. As as this is, what we always do is, I would, I would say, look, let's let's spend some time individually. Let's break down what it is that you've learned. Break down and prepare you. I call myself the partner coach, not the partnership coach. I'm a partner coach.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and so with that I talk to people about about what it is that they've been brought up with, you know. What if their parents taught them all this kind of stuff, and then we break it down, and then I get them prepared to become partners, you know, and if I had that opportunity to get them to to see me individually for a little while.

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Raymond Kopakowski: they're much more prepared to to put the partnership together. Generally speaking, when people come to you for help.

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Raymond Kopakowski: they've got this urgency to fix what they think is the problem. And it's hardly ever the problem. It's always an issue. Issues are never the problem. The problem is is something much deeper. The problem is, what is it making us feel like? What are we bringing to this all this kind of stuff that that's where the problem is. So if they're not prepared to look at it in a different way. They're going to look at it in the way that they expected it to be dealt with.

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Raymond Kopakowski: which is which I have to stand there and go away. No, no, no, that's that's not working, you know. Look, let's you know. So it just makes it easier for me, and easier for them. And you know, and and I and I can see that it really does benefit people.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I think that I think the hardest thing that I that I have to deal with. And I and it happens an awful lot is infidelity.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You know that kind of stuff is like. It's a crazy maker for people, and and everybody says, You know you cheat, we, you cheat on me, and we're done, man, I we're never coming back from that, and that's terrible, and

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Raymond Kopakowski: all that kind of stuff. But they still end up looking for help. So so maybe it's not the end, you know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Have to be. We're raised with all of these

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: rules and expectations. And you know, if if this happens, then that has to happen. But you know says who.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Well, the the idea about it is is that it doesn't get thought through. You know, it gets thought to a point, and everybody agrees that you know that that oh, the the person that got cheated on, you know we got to take care of that person, and the other the other person that did. The cheating is a jackass, and

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know, and and all that stuff. And that's not true. It's just. It's just not true, you know a lot of times I have found that when I really dive in with people and and find out why did somebody cheat? Well, 1st off, men cheat for different reasons than women do. But when when you dive in there, and you really find out what's going on, the person that got cheated on.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know they they feel really bad, and everybody feels bad for them, you know, but when you look at it, the person that did the cheating may have been suffering for years may have been alone, may have been disconnected, may not have been able to trust whatever is going on with the person that cheated really needs to be looked at as well.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And when you recognize that, you know, okay, so this this dumbass cheated on me. You know, when you recognize that that your expectation.

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Raymond Kopakowski: your expectation that somebody would not cheat on you is, is premised on the idea of what did you do to prevent it.

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Raymond Kopakowski: What did you really do to prevent that thing? Did you? Did you guys talk to each other? Did you find out what a person's feeling, what they need. You know, it was that important to you, you know, and, generally speaking, we're more concerned with getting what we need than giving what they need. And that's where partnership changes everything

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: What is what is a healthy selfishness look like in your your worldview.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I

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Raymond Kopakowski: So I've I've been with my honey for 28 years.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I I don't walk past her without touching her. We kiss constantly a lot of holding hands. I was joking the other day and and said, we were watching somebody on a show. Give us someone a foot massage.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and she says, I really like this, and and I looked at my honey and went. You know something. I don't know that that there's been a a full week worth of days that you have not gotten a foot massage, you know. And and she she agreed.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and so I try and treat her really, really well.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and everybody from the outside that sees us together, and and, you know, has is privy to the way that we treat each other thinks that I treat her great. And all this kind of stuff, and what they don't know is that the reason that I do it is for me.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I treat her really, really well, and the reason that I do it is I do it for me

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Raymond Kopakowski: because I don't want to risk losing her.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I don't want to. I don't want to risk.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I don't want to risk her being unhappy. I don't want to risk her thinking that I don't care about her. All that kind of stuff could cost me in the end.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I want to be very, very selfish about my why, I do these things. I do these things for me.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know I and I do them. The honesty part about the selfishness is that

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Raymond Kopakowski: I'm not selfish in a way that I try not to be selfish in any area of my life, because

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Raymond Kopakowski: if I manipulate somebody to get something that I want, I risk it coming back and biting me.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know

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Raymond Kopakowski: I won't do it if if I'm aware. If I'm aware of it, I I just won't do it, you know, because I don't want to have to put up with with this stuff that I put up throughout my life, you know, most of my life I've been, I've been.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know, just doing things and then taking the hit for it.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I want to be selfish with this, and I want it to be, and I want it to benefit me.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and the only way I know how to do it is to make sure it benefits you.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I like that.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I I've been married for a really long time as well. We've done it in 30 years, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and all of the things that you're talking about. I'm sitting here thinking, yep, that's what we do. Yep.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It just making the other person feel like they're the most important person to you?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, really, they. They live up to it.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It works that way in all interactions with human beings. The the energy that we bring to the party is the energy that we're going to get back to.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Oh.

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Raymond Kopakowski: you know there's a there's something I'm glad that you said that about about you know yourself, and and about your your partner. We have a tendency to to really look at and talk about negativity and talk about fixing things and all that stuff. I suggest that I do have people that come to me that

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Raymond Kopakowski: occasionally, now that since partnership has been around and I've been promoting that, I do get people that come and say we want it to be better than what we had.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And I and I find that that's that that's very important and and really very proud of people when they when they do that

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Raymond Kopakowski: they they come up short.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Because, just because of on, you know, not having a knowledge about how much deeper it can go. But but people still do a lot of things connected to the issue rather than the feelings that are that are deeper. I'll give you an example.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I was asked to to speak at A for a Women's Convention. It was an online seminar, and the woman that asked me to speak, she said, yeah, she goes. I you know she knew me and she said,

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Raymond Kopakowski: she goes, yeah, any idea what you're gonna talk about. She goes. You know, I know how you are. You just you start and then you end someplace. And you know.

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Raymond Kopakowski: and I. And I said, Yeah, I want to talk about why women never let anything go.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And she said, just gonna be a lot of women we expect, like 500 women.

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Raymond Kopakowski: he says, Are you sure you want to do that? And I said, Yeah, I said, because because what I'm going to say here not only benefits. It not only exposes something about women, but it benefits who they are as well.

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Raymond Kopakowski: And what I mean by that is that is that when something happens.

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Raymond Kopakowski: women keep bringing it up. Women. People say that all the time women never let anything go. You can't please them, you can't. It's all this stuff about women. It's just terrible information, because you don't know unless you stop and look at it a different way. You don't recognize the benefits of having a powerful woman inside a partnership.

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Raymond Kopakowski: She keeps bringing things up, not because she has to bring up the issue, but because there's something in that issue that has not been fixed yet it has not been addressed. What did you do? What! All that kind of stuff? What is the issue? How are we not going to do that. That's great. But how I feel about what you did that does not get addressed.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You know you you, I wonder do you care about me. I wonder if I'm valuable. I wonder if anyone could love me? All of those kinds of things happen behind the issues that that you know, get fixed. I think one of the worst things that people do inside relationships is, say, are you okay?

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Raymond Kopakowski: You know, because everyone has a tendency to go. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm fine, but they're not.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm fine.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah, yeah, I, yeah. And and it's so, it's much deeper than that, it's. And and then when you can, when you can recognize those things when you can go. Yeah, you know something. Let's let's talk about this. See

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Raymond Kopakowski: if something that I did made a person feel insecure.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it, you know. I'll never do it again, you know. But they felt insecure. The thing that I did to them at that point did not give them insecurity. It triggered the insecurity that they have.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Everybody has insecurity. Everybody has fears. This is something that got brought up inside a partnership the way that you would deal with with that kind of thing. I did something, and and I can see it made you feel really insecure about it. I promised I wasn't going to do it, promised. It's going to get better if I try to use that to fix that insecurity. It won't work.

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Raymond Kopakowski: it doesn't work. What happens is that after the fact, after the insecurity, after the issue is already dealt with, and everything is done and you gave it a couple of days, you might be able to go to your partner and say, you know something

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Raymond Kopakowski: the other day something happened. I don't even remember what happened, but you know something happened, and it brought out the insecurity, and I would like to tell you how wonderful you are. I would like to tell you what you mean to me, and and what this you know our partnership means, and how you know, and and how I honor, my my time and everything with you. If it's not connected to an issue.

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Raymond Kopakowski: then the then the insecurity can be dealt with that way.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Make sense.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It does make total sense. I I think it's kind of a 2 way street, though, too, you have to be willing to address the insecurities yourself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We're all responsible for ourselves ultimately. And we can choose how we're going to react in different situations. And you know, sometimes you're just melancholy. You know that old movie got the melanchollies, and sometimes you just need to embrace that. You have the melancholies. You don't need to live there.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and and having being able to express with a partner that you know I'm

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I'm in this position right now. It's okay. You don't have to solve this problem for me. I'm not the victim here. I'm I'm just

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: experiencing some emotions and and recognizing it for yourself that you know I'm just experiencing some emotions and.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Experience them, and then you can move through them and and have a different outlook and not not get caught in the. I'm a victim of this situation, and it's never going to end. It's always this way. So the never, always trap that people fall into that that really destroys their lives and it it destroys partnerships because you start to project that onto other people too.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah, okay, I, yeah, I I like that. And there is.

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Raymond Kopakowski: There's something that happens as you're building a partnership.

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Raymond Kopakowski: There's a clarity that happens that as we're talking about things, and you're feeling melancholy about something like that. And then afterwards, afterwards, we have a responsibility as partners to say.

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Raymond Kopakowski: How does this affect you? Or how do we treat this situation that is different than than me? Just saying, this is how I feel right now, everything is okay. I'm just feeling a little down. There's a there's an area there that that you can use to say,

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Raymond Kopakowski: yeah, really, you don't have to take this personally, you don't have to worry about it. Everything is okay, and and you know, and maybe we could have some kind of way of of expressing that, so that your partner

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Raymond Kopakowski: knows when to jump in, when not to jump in, knows that these things can happen, and and trust you have to have some trust build up that you know that that you're going to go through this. And we're gonna talk about it if we need to. And and we're here to talk about it if it needs to be. And and this type of thing. So in in the partnership, it's not just about doing things or feeling things, but but and and

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Raymond Kopakowski: it's about being able to talk to each other ahead of time and having plans of how to handle different situations as they come up.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: For sure, for sure. So how did

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: people get in touch with you, Ray?

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Raymond Kopakowski: Let me see here, best way to to contact me, and I would love it if you do. Here is is is, you can get me@ray.inner power@gmail.com.

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Raymond Kopakowski: That's probably the best way I can give you a phone number 2 people can call me to. It is (602) 487-4805. That's fine. I always answer, and yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I guess your website's innerpowerinsights.com.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah, check that out and stuff. That's a good way to contact me, too.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And they can sign up for a 15 min. Chat with you where you just like, see where they're at, and.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Where you're at, and.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Sure there's yeah. I'm offering with anything like this. I'm I'm offering 15 min, and and you can ask me questions about this. A free 15 min chat. Just no pressure, you know, and I if you, whenever you're ready for it, if you're ever ready for it, that's that's fine by me, so

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Raymond Kopakowski: there's never any pressure to. I don't. I don't do that kind of stuff.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Thanks.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Sounds, great.

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Raymond Kopakowski: This has been an amazing conversation. I've really enjoyed chatting with you. What's the one thing you hope the audience takes away from our talk today.

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Raymond Kopakowski: One thing, one thing that you could take away. Jeez I, you know these kinds of things.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I I think I think that the most important thing to take away with this thing is that

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Raymond Kopakowski: unless you know it's not your fault, you know.

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Raymond Kopakowski: if you don't know how to really treat each other. It's mostly because

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Raymond Kopakowski: no one ever taught you how to do it.

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Raymond Kopakowski: You know, if you knew how to have a great relationship, if you knew how to have a good partnership, and you didn't have one. Then that's your fault.

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Raymond Kopakowski: If you didn't know nobody's to blame, you know, and we just go. Okay, there's a lot to learn. We'll we'll we'll get there.

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Raymond Kopakowski: I like that.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Seek help because help's available these days.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Sure.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah, plenty.

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Raymond Kopakowski: Yeah. And I and I'm gonna be around for I don't know. Weeks, bunch of weeks. Yes, no pressure.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Thanks for joining me right.

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Raymond Kopakowski: It's been very.