00:00:07 Nazish: Sometimes healing doesn't look like a breakthrough. It looks like sitting quietly with a memory you have avoided for years and realizing you survived it. Trauma recovery isn't about erasing the past. It is about building enough inner safety to hold it without breaking. Tonight, we are talking about what it truly means to move from survival mode into self-awareness, and how unexpected tools and even technology can support that journey.

00:00:41 Nazish: Welcome to Inner Peace Betterhealth the space where we explore the deep connection between emotional well-being and the life we created from within. I am your host, Nazar, and today I am joined by Jeremy Schneider, a licensed social worker, family therapist, former Chief technology officer, and someone who works his his long own road of trauma recovery. Jeremy brings a rare blend of clinical insight, executive leadership, and lived experiences. And today we'll explore mental health, trauma, healing, and how emerging tools like AI can be used responsibly for emotional reflection. If you have ever felt stuck in survival mode or unsure how to begin healing, this conversation is for you. So, Jeremy, I welcome you to the show.

00:01:39 Jeremy G. Schneider: Thank you so much for having me.

00:01:41 Nazish: Wonderful. So, Jeremy, you knew at nine years old that you wanted to become a therapist, which is such a beautiful clarity for a child. I'm curious, what was happening in your world back then that made you so certain that you wanted to help people heal?

00:02:01 Jeremy G. Schneider: I started therapy when I was nine years old. Um, I had a pretty difficult childhood. I didn't know it at the time, of course. Um, but I was in therapy, and I just saw it as a kind of way out, uh, in a way that I didn't kind of know if I could find on my own. And I really, ever since then, I've just, I've wanted to be able to make that something that's accessible for other people. I think, you know, there are, you know, certainly some challenges with therapy, some problems with therapy. But for the most part, therapy can really be a life changing experience. And I really hope that as many people who want it and need it get access to it.

00:02:52 Nazish: Absolutely. That sounds so relieving. And, you know, let's begin with something I see often. You know, many people think trauma recovery means getting over it or reaching a point where it no longer affects them. So I am curious, from your experience both personally and clinically, what is the biggest misconception people have about healing from trauma?

00:03:16 Jeremy G. Schneider: I think it's what you talked about. It's the belief that somehow healing means we're free of ever being impacted by our past. And I think that's wrong. And I think that's why so many of us get so frustrated with this perceived sense of lack of progress. Because if we think that healing is really about being free from being from experiencing pain and difficulty and the challenges of having been hurt so deeply while we were growing up, we're never actually going to feel like we're okay. In reality, the way that I try and help people understand it is that healing is about processing what we've been through and kind of working through the layers that pile on top of us so we can reach who we were the whole time. You know, they're in internal family systems. It's a psychological model for dealing with trauma. There's a perspective that there's this sense of self. There's us, who we are as a human being, and the sense of self is born good. It's born fine with no problems. And then it's we grow up with life and we have maybe parents who are struggling with their own issues. Maybe they're just not a good match for what we needed. Whatever it is, we go through these difficulties and that gets layered on top of self healing is really processing that and reconnecting to our sense of self. Being able to then do that when we need to. Meaning we go through a difficult time. We have a test in school. We have a big meeting with a boss. We have a difficulty in a relationship with our partner. That's when parts get activated. That's when our past kind of rears its ugly head again. And that's when we need to remember. Oh, that's not a sign that we've failed in our healing journey. That's a sign that we were hurt and it still impacts us and what we can do to help ourselves. The healing part of that is reconnecting to ourself And remembering that we can handle this, we can take care of this now as an adult in a way that, of course we couldn't when we were kids.

00:05:45 Nazish: I completely agree with you. You know, what I am hearing is that healing isn't about erasing impact. It is about changing our relationship with it.

00:05:56 Jeremy G. Schneider: Yeah, I think it's I think it's definitely not about erasing the impact because I don't think that's possible. I think it's not just about changing the way we relate to it, but also understanding that underneath it all, there was always something about us uniquely us, that sense of self. And that the more we can reconnect with that sense of self, the better we're going to be able to experience our life. And that doesn't mean that we're always going to have that connection. We're going to have trouble. We're going to have problems. Things are going to trigger us. But it's knowing. Oh, look at that. I've been triggered because this experience reminds me of what I felt when I was growing up. The way I take care of myself now is to pause, maybe reconnect with something that feels good for me. Whether that's something like. For me, it's hiking. Hiking is a very positive, powerful, grounding experience for me that helps me not only reorient myself to place and time meaning now, but also my age, how old I am, what year it is, but also to then reconnect to myself. Who is this adult who understands? Oh yeah, I know why this is happening. I, I get that that makes sense. I understand that I'm going to be okay. I know how to get through this. I'll take care of myself. That's the stuff we couldn't do when we were kids. That's why when we feel that way, we're. It's essentially. I call it emotional time travel. You know, there's the. In the Harry Potter books, there's these, uh, port keys that they used. There were these objects infused with magic. And if you touched it, it took you to another place in the world. So they used it to get to the Quidditch World Cup as an example. But they would touch this magic object, this port key, and it would transport them to this other place in the world. I think about triggers as emotional port keys, but they don't transport us to another place. They transport us to another time. And that time is often when we were younger, when it was darker, when it was harder and more difficult for us to be able to function in the world. And so even though we're adults, we all of a sudden start feeling like we're nine years old again, struggling, not understanding what's happening to us, feeling like we've done all this work, but we're still feel this way. And that's what triggers do. That is, of course, the way it happens. And our job, the healing, from my perspective, is being able to connect enough to self to realize, oh, right, of course, that was a trigger. Of course that hurts. Of course, that brings up stuff for me. But now as an adult, I can be compassionate with myself. I can care for myself. I can make sure I'm okay. I can do the things that no one ever did for me when I was younger. But I can do them now. And that's how I get through it and feel better and feel more like myself again.

00:09:23 Nazish: Absolutely. That is so true. And, you know, let's just stay with that for a moment. And, you know, thank you so much for reframing that alone. Feeling regular. That reframing alone feels regulating like we're allowed to human instead of fixed. And that brings us to something even more deeper.

00:09:47 Jeremy G. Schneider: Yeah, absolutely. I mean.

00:09:49 Nazish: You. Yeah. You speak about survival mode versus self-awareness. What tends to happen internally when someone has been living in survival mode for years, sometimes without even knowing it?

00:10:02 Jeremy G. Schneider: Yeah. I think the challenge is that we often don't know it. And part of what that is, is it's our nervous systems kind of out of control. You know, when we've spent such a large chunk of our lives dealing with stressful situations, difficult challenges, we experienced traumas when we were younger, it set our nervous system off and it taught us that we needed to be on guard. We needed to be on alert all the time. So many people who are dealing with trauma are actually living in this kind of constant state of fight or flight, which first of all, is exhausting, which is partly why people feel so drained and exhausted when they've been through difficult traumas, is because their nervous system is on all the time. It's exhausting. It wears on us, but it also makes it very hard to think clearly because we're our brain is constantly on guard. It's ready for whatever's going to happen next. So much so that it will help perceive things that are relatively safe as unsafe, because it's so ready to interpret things to protect us. So one of the things that I really emphasize to people is the importance of self-care. And I don't just mean self-care like, you know, having a good spa day. I mean, the kinds of activities that really connect us to our sense of self, who we are, as well as that grounds us to today and our age and where we are living currently. One of the really difficult parts about trauma is that the part of our brain that really gets activated with trauma, where the fight or flight happens is in our amygdala. Our amygdala has no sense of time. And what that really looks like is when, you know, back in the day before we lived in civilizations the way we do now, right? The, the, the sort of stereotypical perspective of how you think about fight or flight is like you, you were living in cave times, and you'd see some saber toothed tiger, and you didn't sit there and think about, huh? I wonder if this saber toothed tiger could be dangerous for me, because those that thought about that probably got eaten by that saber tooth tiger. We're descendants from the people that had their amygdala. Go. That's danger. Let's go. Right. There was no thinking about it. There was no rational perspectives. It was, I sense danger. We run or we fight and we're still like that. We're still built that way. So we go through these difficult challenges as kids. Our brain is still in that fight or flight mode, and there's no sense that time has passed. So I'm fifty five years old. I often think about like, the things that I went through as a kid, as when I was nine. When I get triggered, I'm nine years old again. That's where my head is at. That's like what I feel like my amygdala is like, oh, this is just like when we were nine. There's no rational thought process. There's no logical processing. There's no prefrontal cortex action going on whatsoever. The amygdala is like, ah, I sense danger. This is we're back in that time again. Self-Care helps calm our nervous system. Things like breathing exercises, meditation, yoga, exercise, stretching, all those kinds of things help calm our nervous system when our nervous system is more calm. Everything is a little bit easier, and it's easier then to ground ourselves in the present to remind us that, oh, it's March twenty twenty six. I'm fifty five years old. I'm going to be okay. This was really difficult when I was a kid, but I'm not a kid anymore. I have been through so much. I have learned so much. I have developed skills that are going to help me get through this now. And that kind of combination of self-care and self-compassion is really can be such a game changer for people that have been struggling with this nervous system activation for most of their lives.

00:14:46 Nazish: Absolutely. That is so very well put. You know, it is not emotional. It is physiological, relational and even cognitive.

00:14:54 Jeremy G. Schneider: Definitely.

00:14:56 Nazish: Yeah. So, and I am curious, when someone has built a whole life, like a career or relationship responsibilities from survival mode, what makes it so difficult to step out of it?

00:15:11 Jeremy G. Schneider: I think part of it is if you don't know, that's where you're at. It's really hard to realize that there's a better way. I think that's one of the biggest challenges. It's one of the reasons why I really try and teach people about self-awareness. And I don't mean self-awareness in the sense of like self knowledge that I know that I like dark chocolate and I like peanut butter and I particularly like dark chocolate and peanut butter together. Right? That's self-knowledge. But self-awareness is what I'm talking about. It's kind of it's metacognition. It's being aware of our thoughts and experiences and reactions to things. That's where we start to begin to realize, oh, wait a second, I can see that I am feeling anxious about this experience, and I'm starting to react to that now that I'm aware of it. What can I start to do to help myself? And that's where we start talking about self-care and self-compassion and all of these other tools that we can use to help ourselves. But all of that really begins with self-awareness. And so people who have been living in survival mode for most of their lives don't necessarily know that there's something different, that it has to be any different. And so part of that is just sort of helping them to see. Hope. Right? So unfortunately, because of what we often go through as kids in terms of trauma that most people don't feel a sense of hope that it can be better. So that's one of the things that it's really important to help people understand. And I hope your listeners can really hear that, is that there is hope. You can always make changes. That doesn't mean that you're going to be cured because I don't believe that actually exists. But you can heal. And that experience every step you take in the healing process makes your life a little bit easier. So each step, your life gets a bit easier. You start to get five or ten steps into that healing process, and you start to really notice that there are things that you can all of a sudden start to do differently, or you start noticing that you react to things that used to really upset you. They don't quite upset you as much anymore. You're able to handle them a little bit better, and it builds this positive sense of momentum that is really beautiful to see when you're watching that, another person experiencing that. It's one of the things I love about working with people is seeing them start to realize, oh, wait a second, this is actually changing for the better. I didn't even know that was a I didn't even know that was possible.

00:18:04 Nazish: Absolutely. I agree with you. And that makes so much sense. You know, survival strategies once protected us. So of course they are not. They're not easy to let go.

00:18:17 Jeremy G. Schneider: Exactly.

00:18:18 Nazish: Yeah. So trauma, it doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like perfectionism, burnout or emotional withdrawal. So in your clinical and personal experience, how does unresolved trauma most commonly show up in everyday life?

00:18:37 Jeremy G. Schneider: I mean, I think part of what you've talked about, there's a lot of things that we learn in order to deal with. Let me rephrase it. In order to get through what we were dealing with when we were growing up, we learned these kinds of techniques that work when we're in survival mode, right? Which is essentially what we switch into when we're going through traumatic situations as kids. They just don't really help us that much as adults or they may help us, but they also hinder us at the same time. So that need to please others, which certainly can be something that manifests, right? We learn that to appease other people because maybe the people that hurt us when we were younger, we learned that if we just try and make them happy, they won't hurt us as much. But now we view the entire world in the same way. We view every single person as someone who may hurt us. So we try to please them in order to avoid that situation. Or the perfectionist, right? Who's striving to be perfect to try to achieve everything humanly possible. Because if they, they think that if they just can get it just right, that they won't get punished, they won't get hurt, there won't be consequences. But of course, perfectionism isn't possible. And we end up setting ourselves up for failure in a way that only really hurts Rehearse ourselves. And so kind of beginning to see how these patterns, these skills that we developed, why we learned them, and then helping to understand we don't need them anymore because they don't serve us. We do them because we, we thought that was how we would get through what we went through. We didn't we don't realize part of that time problem I talked about, like our amygdala doesn't know our nervous system doesn't understand that whatever traumas we went through as kids are over, we still think they're happening. So we still are acting as if we're trying to get through them. That's why that grounding piece reminding us of, you know, date and time, reminding us where we are, how old we are, are really important because it helps our brain, our nervous system understand. Oh, wait a second. You're fifty five. You're not nine. Oh, maybe it's over. And it's only when we start to really believe that, that we can really begin to feel that sense of safety that we've been missing our whole lives. So yes, we learn these skills, these techniques to get through whatever traumas we were going through, but we still use them as adults because we still think what's happened to us is still happening right now. So that's kind of where we we're coming at it from a perspective of helping our nervous system understand that it's over, but also helping us to see the skills that we used back then were great for back then. We don't need to use them anymore. We have a whole slew of other skills at our disposal that we can now use that are going to be healthier for us and better help us feel that sense of healing that we so desperately want.

00:22:17 Nazish: Absolutely. That is a good way to put it. And, you know, self-awareness does not even feel forced after this.

00:22:27 Jeremy G. Schneider: Yeah.

00:22:28 Nazish: Yeah. You have such an interesting path. Like you were a therapist and CTO and then someone who explored AI deeply. So I just want to know when you used responsibility, how can reflective tools like AI support emotional processing without replacing the real human connection?

00:22:49 Jeremy G. Schneider: I mean, I think there's so much potential with AI, and I don't want to say that I don't think there's risks associated with AI, particularly when using it for mental health and emotional support. There are absolutely risks. I think there are some really important things people need to understand about using AI. Why it was built, what its purpose is, and that understanding that context will allow people to use it more effectively and not. I talk about kind of the the pendulum effect that you kind of need to believe in the magic of AI, just enough to be able to take advantage of it. But you also need to maintain the reality of AI and exactly what it really is, so you don't fall for it. And so finding that balance is really important. I think if you can use AI carefully and effectively, it's an incredibly powerful tool. And one of the there are lots of ways that I use it. I use it obviously for my business and, and development and, and all of that strategic thinking, all kinds of work like that, but I use it a lot for my mental health, for what I think of as kind of like maintenance. When I run into problems that I know that I can handle, but I need maybe a little bit of a reminder, I need a little bit of support, or when I know that there's something wrong and I want to explore it a little bit, I'll open up a chat, GPT or something and really kind of delve into it a little bit. And but I know how therapy works, right? I have a master's in family therapy. I have a master's in social work. I also am a chief technology officer. I spent years studying, uh, working with technology. So I have an understanding of how AI works. So I have some advantages there in terms of being able to set limits with it. But I think it's incredibly powerful and I think it can really help us build a sense of self awareness. It can help us practice some self-care skills that I think people just tend to forget in terms of how they care for themselves. I, I wish I could convince more people to do self-care activities every single day where most people I talk to maybe do self-care activities maybe once a week or something. Um, I think AI can really help remind you and also give you alternatives for different self-care ideas. Um, it can help you reframe negative thoughts. So it can, you can say, hey, I'm having this negative thought process or I have this inner critic thought that keeps happening and I can help you reprocess that in ways that's kind of hard to do ourselves. So it can be like, oh, yeah, so the way you want to handle that is this and you can use self-compassion, it can use just translating that to a different way of thinking about it, a new perspective. Um, it's a great way to explore. I'm feeling these feelings, but I'm not sure where they're stemming from. And just kind of going along the process, AI will ask really interesting questions that'll get you thinking about it. But again, I just want to clarify that it's really important to keep AI in context of this is a program built by humans, predominantly white men, to be honest, who were building this for themselves and are building it in order to get people to use it as much as humanly possible so that they can, in some ways make money off of it. Understanding that context, being able to set limits with it, being able to understand that it's not really. Ha! It doesn't really have our best interests at heart. It just acts that way. I think can help us get something out of it without falling in love with it, without thinking that it has the answer to every single problem we could imagine. And I think that balance is so crucial when people start to think about using AI for mental health support.

00:27:26 Nazish: Absolutely. And thank you so much for painting that beautiful picture for us. You know, the balance feels so important between opportunity and responsibility.

00:27:36 Jeremy G. Schneider: Yes, exactly.

00:27:39 Nazish: Yeah. As you know, for our listeners, Jeremy, for someone quietly carrying trauma, doing their best, but still feeling stuck, what is one gentle question you would invite them to ask themselves tonight?

00:27:56 Jeremy G. Schneider: I think I would start with with self care. I think I would start with, how do you take care of yourself when you have trouble, when you're feeling sad, when you're feeling anxious? Do you respond with some harshness in your brain? Because that's what so many of us do? I say, you know what? Try reading a book. Try taking a walk. Try listening to music that makes you feel good. Try connecting to people that you feel positive connection with. I think there are lots of things that we can do as individuals to better care for ourselves. And we just we either don't prioritize it or we don't think about it, or we don't really fully understand. And I think that's what I would say if, if you are struggling with any sort of trauma and you're not sure where to begin. I think the first step is be nice to yourself. And if it doesn't feel comfortable, and if it feels weird and you have this dark voice in your head telling you all sorts of nasty things, don't worry about that too much. Just try and do something nice for yourself as well because you just that's how you get started. You just kindness. Think of it as this way. The way that I. I think about it is I just, I want you to treat yourself the way that you deserve to be treated. Treat yourself the way that you wish your child had been treated. This is your chance to do that. No one else is coming, right? It's just you. It's just me. For me. For me. Right? Like I'm the only one that can take care of myself now. You're the only one that can take care of yourself now. But that gives you this opportunity as well, and a freedom to really look at like, what is it that I need. What is it that I want? And how do I help myself feel better? I would start with self care.

00:29:59 Nazish: Absolutely. That sounds beautiful. And you know, if there is one thing that I am going to be taking from this conversation, it is. Healing isn't about becoming someone new. It is about building enough inner safety to fully become yourself.

00:30:15 Jeremy G. Schneider: Yes. Excellent.

00:30:16 Nazish: Yes, yes. So for our listeners who want to learn more about your work and connect with you, where can they find you?

00:30:24 Jeremy G. Schneider: The easiest place to find me is at my website. It's build on your strengths dot com. That's the name of my company. Build on your strengths. You're also welcome to just Google my name Jeremy G. Schneider and that'll get you there as well.

00:30:42 Nazish: Perfect. Thank you so much for joining us today on Inner Peace, Better Health. It was an absolutely amazing conversation with you.

00:30:48 Jeremy G. Schneider: Thank you so much. It was my pleasure to be here.

00:30:51 Nazish: Wonderful. And dear listeners, if today's conversation resonated with you, I invite you to sit with one insight, just one, and let it gently inform you how you move through this week. Healing doesn't require urgency. It requires presence. If you found your value here, share this episode with someone who may be walking their own recovery path. Don't forget to follow the show so we can continue exploring the quiet question of inner peace together. Until next time, take care of your mind so your body and your life can follow.