Each side has done both things. <Laugh>,
2
00:00:02,755 --> 00:00:06,205
they're both teaching each
other the lesson because we
only resent things on the
3
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:09,365
outside that represent parts of us
on the inside that we're ashamed of.
4
00:00:13,445 --> 00:00:16,015
Well, if we pay close
attention to the media today,
5
00:00:16,075 --> 00:00:19,015
we certainly see a little
sensationalism is going on.
6
00:00:19,016 --> 00:00:23,855
And a lot of high polarities going
on dealing with the war and peace
7
00:00:24,035 --> 00:00:26,975
issues in the Middle East and
possibly Ukraine and Russia.
8
00:00:27,755 --> 00:00:29,935
And there's other parts of the
world that this is happening too,
9
00:00:29,955 --> 00:00:31,175
but they're not necessarily in the media.
10
00:00:31,575 --> 00:00:33,695
Whatever gets the most attention
ends up in the media, right?
11
00:00:33,835 --> 00:00:34,935
That's the one that gives the most,
12
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,815
whatever will sell the media
is the one that's focused on,
13
00:00:39,565 --> 00:00:43,735
Ukrainian war and the Russian War is a
bit diminished now because the Israeli
14
00:00:43,935 --> 00:00:48,935
and Palestinian wars got more
media worthiness. But anyway,
15
00:00:49,485 --> 00:00:51,295
it's interesting about human behavior.
16
00:00:52,615 --> 00:00:56,055
I would like to make a comment about
it because I see the same things in
17
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,095
individuals as I see in collectives.
18
00:01:00,145 --> 00:01:04,145
When an individual is living by priority,
19
00:01:04,555 --> 00:01:06,185
doing something deeply meaningful,
20
00:01:06,395 --> 00:01:10,385
doing something that's fulfilling and
feel like it's achieving or they're
21
00:01:10,386 --> 00:01:15,194
achieving their objective in life, they're
more stable, they're less volatile,
22
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:16,995
they're more fulfilled,
23
00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:22,395
and they're able to withstand
emotional vicissitudes and they
24
00:01:22,396 --> 00:01:24,915
don't react. But the second,
25
00:01:24,916 --> 00:01:28,715
they're not feeling that
they're fulfilling their
objectives and not feeling
26
00:01:28,745 --> 00:01:32,595
fulfilled, they tend to go down
into their amygdala response,
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00:01:32,795 --> 00:01:37,725
the subcortical area of the brain, and
they go into survival. And imagine this,
28
00:01:37,726 --> 00:01:40,125
if you're at work and you
prioritize your day and you're very,
29
00:01:40,126 --> 00:01:41,565
very inspired by the day,
30
00:01:41,584 --> 00:01:44,485
and you really knock it
out of the ballpark and you
get everything done on your
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00:01:44,486 --> 00:01:48,485
agenda and your list of
priorities, and then you go, wow,
32
00:01:48,505 --> 00:01:49,845
I'm on top of the world
today, things are great,
33
00:01:49,846 --> 00:01:53,365
and then you come home and
there's all kind of chaos at home,
34
00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:57,485
you can manage it and handle it because
you're still in your executive function
35
00:01:57,486 --> 00:01:58,319
and governed.
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00:01:58,995 --> 00:02:03,695
But if you go into work that day and you
got bombarded by all kind of things and
37
00:02:03,696 --> 00:02:05,695
put fires out all day and
never got to the agenda,
38
00:02:05,705 --> 00:02:08,055
never got anything priority
done, you come home,
39
00:02:08,514 --> 00:02:09,655
you're going to be part of the problem.
40
00:02:09,655 --> 00:02:12,415
You're going to be emotionally reactive
and you're probably going to go to
41
00:02:13,014 --> 00:02:16,975
extremes and emotion. Well, the same
thing goes on in societies, collectively.
42
00:02:18,445 --> 00:02:22,255
When a country or people in the country
feel that they're fulfilling their
43
00:02:22,256 --> 00:02:25,455
objectives and achieving their
aims and feeling grateful for life,
44
00:02:25,456 --> 00:02:28,575
they can handle lots of changes and
challenges that go on in their life.
45
00:02:29,125 --> 00:02:31,255
They're more resilient and adaptable.
46
00:02:31,915 --> 00:02:36,014
But when they're not and they feel that
they're not fulfilling what's meaningful
47
00:02:36,215 --> 00:02:39,294
or their goals and objectives,
whether they're fantasies or real,
48
00:02:39,635 --> 00:02:42,215
but when they're not doing it,
they get emotional, they get angry.
49
00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,535
And when they do, they
go into their amygdala.
50
00:02:45,195 --> 00:02:46,375
And when they get in their amygdala,
51
00:02:46,376 --> 00:02:50,855
they start becoming subjectively biased
and misinterpret the information around
52
00:02:50,856 --> 00:02:53,215
them and react instead of proact.
53
00:02:53,794 --> 00:02:58,695
We have kind of a two types of thinking
process. We have systems one thinking,
54
00:02:58,696 --> 00:03:00,645
which is emotional
reaction before we think.
55
00:03:01,185 --> 00:03:05,605
And we have systems two thinking where
we think objectively before we react.
56
00:03:07,155 --> 00:03:09,955
Well, right now you can see that
there's a bit of emotional reaction,
57
00:03:10,095 --> 00:03:11,995
not as much thinking going on sometimes.
58
00:03:12,315 --> 00:03:15,155
A lot of people are just reacting
impulsively and instinctfully,
59
00:03:15,855 --> 00:03:20,755
and they are setting up fantasies
of world peace and nightmares of war
60
00:03:20,855 --> 00:03:22,555
and they're highly polarized.
61
00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:27,435
Whenever we're highly polarized and
blind with subjective bias or any of the
62
00:03:27,436 --> 00:03:29,235
biases there are, there's 180 of them,
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00:03:29,935 --> 00:03:33,955
we tend to make decisions that aren't
necessarily thoughtful <laugh>.
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00:03:34,895 --> 00:03:36,675
And then what we do is
we get an individual,
65
00:03:36,676 --> 00:03:39,635
usually if you look at
the collective society,
66
00:03:40,135 --> 00:03:44,195
the majority of people are
kind of neutral. Just like
in Palestine and Israel,
67
00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:48,315
the majority of people, Palestinian
or Israeli, live by each other,
68
00:03:48,316 --> 00:03:50,435
they're friends with each other,
they get along with each other.
69
00:03:51,055 --> 00:03:53,715
But there's always a few
that are more radical,
70
00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,835
they're a little bit more in their
amygdala, a little bit more emotional,
71
00:03:56,875 --> 00:03:58,555
a little bit more systems one thinking.
72
00:03:59,095 --> 00:04:00,755
And they're usually the
ones that are outspoken.
73
00:04:00,756 --> 00:04:03,035
There's usually the ones that
get sensated in the media,
74
00:04:03,435 --> 00:04:06,435
because that's what sells. That's what
gets you attentive and watch the media,
75
00:04:06,535 --> 00:04:08,115
the sensations and polarities.
76
00:04:09,095 --> 00:04:11,795
And I watched this in New York <laugh>.
77
00:04:12,565 --> 00:04:17,195
There was an Iranian controversy
back, way back in the 90s.
78
00:04:17,815 --> 00:04:22,235
And my wife and I were walking down
Madison Avenue and there was New York one
79
00:04:22,236 --> 00:04:25,275
interviewing people on the street about
what was going on in Central Park on the
80
00:04:25,475 --> 00:04:27,355
demonstrations on the Iranian controversy.
81
00:04:28,295 --> 00:04:32,675
And there was Dolph Lundgren and his
wife were walking right in front of us.
82
00:04:32,676 --> 00:04:36,795
They lived next door and they were walking
in front of us and they interviewed
83
00:04:36,796 --> 00:04:40,955
them. And he was very rational,
very reasonable, and very objective.
84
00:04:41,535 --> 00:04:45,195
And I listened to his interview as we
stopped for a second and it was very
85
00:04:45,196 --> 00:04:46,315
sensible information.
86
00:04:46,425 --> 00:04:50,475
Then they interviewed me and I gave
what I thought was sensible information.
87
00:04:51,015 --> 00:04:55,035
And then a wino came up that was drinking
something out of a bottle in a paper
88
00:04:55,214 --> 00:05:00,075
bag and was drunk and they came up and
they interviewed him about it and he
89
00:05:00,076 --> 00:05:04,035
said, nuke them all. And
he was very volatile. Well,
90
00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:05,395
when they watched the TV that night,
91
00:05:05,396 --> 00:05:09,835
neither one of us Dolph and I didn't
get on, but the wild guy got on,
92
00:05:10,115 --> 00:05:11,595
because that's what sells,
that's what sensates.
93
00:05:11,855 --> 00:05:14,835
So then people watch the
media and they see that,
94
00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:16,435
and they think that's
what's real out there.
95
00:05:17,615 --> 00:05:22,154
The average person from Israel and
Palestine are loving individuals,
96
00:05:22,715 --> 00:05:24,515
trying to raise a family,
trying to survive,
97
00:05:25,015 --> 00:05:27,315
trying to do what they
can to get ahead in life.
98
00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:29,714
And they're sometimes great friends.
99
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:34,595
But then you've got the few that are
more polarized, that are more volatile.
100
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:37,995
And then of course, the politicians
are voted by those people,
101
00:05:38,095 --> 00:05:40,915
and then they have to live up to
fulfilling some of those people and it
102
00:05:41,235 --> 00:05:44,154
escalates. There's a law called
the Law of eristic escalation.
103
00:05:44,935 --> 00:05:48,355
And the law of eristic escalation is
an interesting thing in chaos theory.
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00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:50,835
Anytime you have an ideologue,
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00:05:51,125 --> 00:05:54,714
which is an individual who basically has
an ideal about what they think should
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00:05:54,715 --> 00:05:59,605
be done, it's usually proud and, you
know, not necessarily globally thought,
107
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:03,165
but usually individualized,
narcissistic kind of projections.
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00:06:03,705 --> 00:06:05,725
If they think 'if everybody
would be doing this,
109
00:06:05,825 --> 00:06:10,085
we would finally have a great positive
outcome.' And so they come along with a
110
00:06:10,445 --> 00:06:11,725
bias view and project that bias view,
111
00:06:11,755 --> 00:06:15,685
and an equal and opposite bias
comes in to counterbalance it.
112
00:06:15,985 --> 00:06:19,765
And the more this one is addicted to
right, which is an amygdala response,
113
00:06:20,045 --> 00:06:23,005
the systems one's response,
the other one becomes right.
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00:06:23,345 --> 00:06:27,365
And this thing escalates until there's
a little war into a bigger war,
115
00:06:27,395 --> 00:06:31,605
into a possibly global war <laugh>.
And this thing can escalate.
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00:06:31,665 --> 00:06:33,725
And when you do, you're
not listening to reason,
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00:06:33,845 --> 00:06:35,404
you're listening to subjective bias,
118
00:06:35,505 --> 00:06:38,525
and there's no executive
function overruling it.
119
00:06:39,025 --> 00:06:42,805
And when an individual does this,
they get outta whack, they get,
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00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:47,385
they get outta control, and they lose
it. We've all had moments like that.
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00:06:47,925 --> 00:06:50,665
And the same thing sometimes
goes on in a collective society.
122
00:06:50,775 --> 00:06:53,385
Even governments do that.
They're like an individual.
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00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:56,225
They can get out of their executive
function, go into their amygdala,
124
00:06:56,464 --> 00:06:58,785
go into subjective bias,
get into high polarities,
125
00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,705
want to be addicted to being right,
project their values onto others,
126
00:07:01,925 --> 00:07:06,585
then the other escalation occurs that
projects their values back and you get
127
00:07:07,315 --> 00:07:10,105
black and white thinking;
'they're evil, I'm good.'
128
00:07:10,655 --> 00:07:12,785
They think you're evil and they're good.
129
00:07:13,325 --> 00:07:15,945
And all you do is get a battle.
130
00:07:16,365 --> 00:07:19,905
And the battle is there as a feedback
mechanism to let you know that you're not
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00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:23,785
seeing both sides. Actually,
and if you study philosophy,
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00:07:24,065 --> 00:07:26,945
there's a thing called the dialectic.
The dialectic was, I have a proposition,
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00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,665
then somebody comes with
an opposite proposition,
134
00:07:30,165 --> 00:07:33,345
and the purpose is not a debate to
make you right, that's foolishness.
135
00:07:33,805 --> 00:07:37,265
But the benefit is that you learn a
little bit from what they have to say and
136
00:07:37,355 --> 00:07:40,545
maybe change your view and they learn
from what you have to say and change your
137
00:07:40,546 --> 00:07:44,225
view, and eventually you come
to a synthesis of the two. Well,
138
00:07:44,285 --> 00:07:47,905
the law of eristic escalation is basically
when somebody throws something out
139
00:07:48,025 --> 00:07:49,865
there and somebody debates
and fights it back,
140
00:07:49,866 --> 00:07:53,585
and both want to be right and it escalates
into something that's just a conflict
141
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:58,345
and neither one of them grow from it.
But if they go in there with a dialectic,
142
00:07:58,485 --> 00:08:00,705
not the debate, but a dialectic,
143
00:08:00,706 --> 00:08:03,825
and they go in there with the objective
of finding the truth between the two,
144
00:08:04,295 --> 00:08:06,465
because both sides have
a bit of the truth.
145
00:08:07,365 --> 00:08:09,585
If all of a sudden we come
from the executive function,
146
00:08:09,586 --> 00:08:11,305
we're more likely to
be dialectic oriented,
147
00:08:11,306 --> 00:08:13,065
more than being right and debate oriented,
148
00:08:13,355 --> 00:08:16,105
we're more likely to find out and
grow from each other and listen.
149
00:08:16,725 --> 00:08:17,985
If you look very carefully,
150
00:08:17,986 --> 00:08:21,225
there's an old biblical statement from
the New Testament that says in Romans
151
00:08:21,226 --> 00:08:24,905
2-1, whatever you judge in others, beware,
152
00:08:25,485 --> 00:08:28,505
you do the same thing. Now,
I don't know about if you,
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00:08:28,525 --> 00:08:32,304
but I've certainly studied enough about
history to see that every one of these
154
00:08:32,305 --> 00:08:34,585
people in the conflicts, collectively,
155
00:08:34,934 --> 00:08:37,465
have done everything that the
other ones are judging <laugh>.
156
00:08:38,345 --> 00:08:40,945
I have a teaching in my
Breakthrough Experience program,
157
00:08:41,826 --> 00:08:43,545
method I call the Demartini Method,
158
00:08:43,795 --> 00:08:48,345
where I hold people accountable and I
ask them, what specific trait, action,
159
00:08:48,345 --> 00:08:51,425
or inaction do you perceive
this individual displaying
or demonstrating that you
160
00:08:51,426 --> 00:08:52,259
despise most?
161
00:08:52,845 --> 00:08:56,005
And then I have them now go to a moment
where and when you perceive yourself
162
00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:57,684
displaying or demonstrating
the same behavior.
163
00:08:58,235 --> 00:09:01,085
Well that not only occurs individually,
but that can be collectively.
164
00:09:01,086 --> 00:09:04,085
If one collective group that's fighting
with another collective group asks,
165
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:07,045
where do I do that in my collective
group? Where have I done that?
166
00:09:07,425 --> 00:09:08,365
You'll find out,
167
00:09:08,434 --> 00:09:12,965
very carefully if you're honest and get
off your high horse and actually look
168
00:09:13,285 --> 00:09:18,045
honestly and deeply, you will find that
each side has done both things, <laugh>,
169
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,285
they're both teaching
each other the lesson.
170
00:09:20,286 --> 00:09:23,925
Because we only resent things on the
outside that represent parts of us on the
171
00:09:23,926 --> 00:09:26,445
inside that we are ashamed
of. When we point our finger,
172
00:09:26,455 --> 00:09:28,085
we're pointing our
finger back at ourselves.
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00:09:28,925 --> 00:09:32,325
And what we do is we go into a
dissociate from what we're ashamed of,
174
00:09:32,345 --> 00:09:37,085
to go into pride and pretend we're too
proud to admit what we see in them inside
175
00:09:37,086 --> 00:09:41,325
us. And this is where the law of eristic
escalation escalates further into
176
00:09:42,075 --> 00:09:46,565
rightness and wrongness.
Instead of actually owning
the trait, calming it down,
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00:09:46,825 --> 00:09:48,845
taking on what you have condemned.
178
00:09:49,265 --> 00:09:51,804
And when you actually realize that
whatever you condemn in others,
179
00:09:51,805 --> 00:09:52,638
you tend to breed,
180
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,485
attract and become until you eventually
get humbled and realize it's you.
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00:09:56,785 --> 00:10:01,245
So each side is doing the very thing
the other side is claiming <laugh>.
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00:10:01,825 --> 00:10:03,965
And I try to teach that to my students,
183
00:10:04,065 --> 00:10:06,765
and I've shown that in thousands and
thousands of people around the world,
184
00:10:07,265 --> 00:10:09,405
and it works on a collective scale also.
185
00:10:09,425 --> 00:10:14,285
The sociology and the laws of sociology
are reflections of social individuality.
186
00:10:15,304 --> 00:10:19,485
So my advice for these
conflicts, as an individual,
187
00:10:20,265 --> 00:10:22,645
you teach best by exemplification.
188
00:10:23,486 --> 00:10:26,804
If you get escalated and get all
emotional and want to take a side,
189
00:10:26,985 --> 00:10:30,085
all you're doing is adding to the very
conflict that you think you'd like to
190
00:10:30,086 --> 00:10:30,919
stop.
191
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:35,485
But the reality is that we grow most
<laugh> at the border of support and
192
00:10:35,486 --> 00:10:38,325
challenge and the peace
and war you might say.
193
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:42,205
So just know if you calm it
down yourself within yourself,
194
00:10:42,665 --> 00:10:46,845
and each of the individual takes on the
responsibility to calm down their own
195
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,285
emotions and not take an exaggerated side,
196
00:10:49,785 --> 00:10:54,525
you're likely to assist us in resolving
the conflict and moving forward in both
197
00:10:54,526 --> 00:10:58,205
growing and maturing and seeing the both
sides and coming up with some sort of
198
00:10:58,206 --> 00:10:59,965
objective, real, real solution.
199
00:11:00,684 --> 00:11:02,485
You're solution oriented
when you see both sides,
200
00:11:03,365 --> 00:11:06,565
you're problem oriented when you
see one side. And that's all it is,
201
00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:07,684
is missing information.
202
00:11:08,465 --> 00:11:12,845
So just wanted to share a message on that
just in case that might be of help to
203
00:11:13,075 --> 00:11:16,405
your perception. The greatest
teacher's exemplification,
204
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:20,125
if you exemplify a more stable life and
be willing to see both sides and realize
205
00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:23,125
that all the people involved
are just human beings,
206
00:11:23,125 --> 00:11:25,005
they want to be loved and
they want to be who they are,
207
00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:29,285
and they want to fulfill their lives.
Don't put labels on people. <Laugh>,
208
00:11:30,184 --> 00:11:31,017
you know,
209
00:11:31,765 --> 00:11:36,165
Palestinians and Israelis and Russians
and Ukrainians are all loving individuals
210
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:39,965
doing what they can to try to
survive. They have ideologies.
211
00:11:40,065 --> 00:11:44,684
And if you get staunchly addicted
to being right in your ideology,
212
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:48,684
you escalate the equal and
opposite ideology in order
to teach you the lesson of
213
00:11:48,685 --> 00:11:52,045
not being proud. When you're proud,
you're not authentic. When you're shamed,
214
00:11:52,046 --> 00:11:54,804
you're not authentic. When you're
being loved, you're authentic.
215
00:11:55,735 --> 00:11:59,715
So that's something to consider when
you're watching and taking a side.
216
00:11:59,716 --> 00:12:03,155
If you take a side and make somebody
wrong and point your finger, it's you,
217
00:12:03,705 --> 00:12:04,595
look at yourself,
218
00:12:05,295 --> 00:12:09,275
and then look again and realize that
you're adding to the escalation.
219
00:12:09,934 --> 00:12:12,195
If you actually take the
time to govern yourself,
220
00:12:12,695 --> 00:12:16,835
you assist people in governing
themselves. So it's a dripple effect.
221
00:12:16,855 --> 00:12:20,195
If you love yourself and govern yourself,
you help other people do the same.
222
00:12:20,665 --> 00:12:23,995
Just wanted to share that message in
case that's useful in your particular
223
00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:28,035
situation. But just know that
there's deep inside all these people,
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they're not the labels we make,
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they're human beings that
want to fulfill their lives.
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Keep that in mind when you're
thinking about what's going on.
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And beware of the sensationalism that
media does. They sell polarities,
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not necessarily objective truths.