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If there was a magic pill you could
take to activate your poly bagel,

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state of safety and social engagement.

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Would you.

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I asked that question to my
email list subscribers this week.

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And I also  put that
forward to my community.

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So I want to ask that here as well,
and kind of explore that a little bit.

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My name is Justin sincerely.

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I'm a therapist, a coach, and the creator
of the poly bagel trauma relief system.

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Welcome to stuck, not broken.

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where I teach you how
to live with more calm.

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Confidence and connection
without the psychobabble.

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In this episode, I just want to kind
of explore that question with you.

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And I'm curious where you're at,
at least for your own reflection.

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To answer that question and to
kind of dig in a little bit as

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to what might be driving that.

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And then I kinda want to talk
about next steps with you and

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what that might look like.

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Every day in my community, I have
something called a daily growth hub where

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I pose a question or share the week's
content and have some discussion points.

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But basically just every day, I
want people to reflect on something.

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And this week.

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On Tuesday, I had shared an episode.

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With you with everybody.

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About vagal efficiency.

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On the same day that I shared
that in my private community, I

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asked them a few questions that
I want to bring to you here.

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Make sure you listen to the last
episode, but the basic idea is

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that Bigelow efficiency measures
the strength, how efficient.

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Your vagal break is, or
your, your safety state.

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I asked my community.

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Would you like to have
an objective measurement?

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I thought, gee, I thought it'd be
kind of cool, but I'm the one who's

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running the community and I'm the
one who is creating the courses.

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So I.

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I like the idea of
having objective measure.

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Of whether or not these
things are working for myself.

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I mean, just as an objective provider of.

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Or the creator of these things.

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But I got a few really cool responses.

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I wanted to share here with
you or give you the basic idea.

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Kay said that she'd be the first one
to have her Vegas efficiency measured.

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Maybe it's just curiosity, but she would
love to have some metrics to work with.

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A said that she has trouble
registering what she's feeling.

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So an external tool
might be super helpful.

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But then she also kind of went on to
say that she can see the downsides.

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That she's used other heart rate
variability, which is different.

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But she's used other heart
rate variability measures.

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And really got sucked into the
measurement of it and didn't

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really see much change in it.

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So for her, the, the focus became
more about the measurement.

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Yeah.

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I can see that being an issue.

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Another person from my community,
Jay, she said that she'd rather

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rely on her, felt sensations, that
her body's communicating to her.

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And then one more person
F says yes and no.

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That the measurement could
lead to feeling defeated.

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If they're not seeing change.

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Or maybe she would feel inspired
and treating it like an experiment.

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And then she could do deliberate
things and see what happened.

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Within the measurement
of her vagal efficiency.

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So obviously there's no
right or wrong answer here.

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For you, just kind of reflect on that.

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Would you like to have
an objective measurement?

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So I was thinking about
that a little bit more.

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And then this week on Wednesday,
I sent out my weekly newsletter

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for my email subscribers.

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And I asked the question
of if there was a way.

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To take a magic pill, maybe.

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Something that would
activate your safety state.

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Would you take it?

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This would be different than
a psychiatric medication.

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Psychiatric medications try to
control behaviors or symptoms, but

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not state the state in and of itself.

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So just playing pretend- if we had
a magic pill that would turn on your

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safety state, would you take it?

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And I don't know if maybe we'll change
if we, if you had to take it every day.

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Maybe that would change if it was a
cure all and you'll have to take a once.

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Maybe that would change
how you think about this.

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But yeah, I mean, what would you take it?

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Or would you accept that
no, this is a long process.

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This trauma recovery stuff.

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And you don't want to take the shortcut.

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You don't want to just activate it day
after day through taking a magic pill.

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And if not, then you kind
of are accepting that.

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Yeah.

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It's a long process.

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It takes practice.

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There is no hack that is
going to get you there.

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And keep you there.

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Day in day out.

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That the only really course, I think
the best course is to first off

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practice being in your safety state.

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And then as your bagel
break, strengthens enough.

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Then work on getting unstuck and directly
feeling into your stuck defensive state.

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But you might be someone that would
reject the pill and also say, no,

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I don't want any measures either.

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I can feel this stuff.

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I can feel myself in my safety state.

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I can notice when I have access to it
and practice doing that day in day out

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and dedicate myself to that practice and
really embrace the journey aspect of this.

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I think if you take the pill, like
you kind of lose the journey in a way.

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At the same time.

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And I've heard this from people
who have used substances as a way

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to feel, you know, get relief.

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That when they use whatever that
substance is it gives them like this

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reference point for safety it gives
them this potentially this beautiful,

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wonderful experience that they can
call upon or strive towards again.

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And maybe the pill would do that for
you, maybe the pill, the the magic safety

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state pill, the ventral vagal magic pill-
maybe that would give you a reference

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point for finally feeling safety.

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And that might be where you're at.

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You might just be desperate enough to say.

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I'll take the damn magic pill
because I need to feel something

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different than what I'm feeling now.

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And I don't think there's
anything wrong with.

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That.

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I mean, it's not a real anyways,
but I don't think there's anything

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wrong with being desperate.

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Not necessarily.

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I don't think there's anything wrong with
wanting that reference point for safety.

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So you have something you can continually,
subjectively measure at least.

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Like, if you notice safety feels like,
then you can keep striving for it.

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Or at least you'll know
when you don't have it.

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You'll know what.

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Truly feeling safe is like,

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So maybe you'd want a magic pill for that.

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At the same time.

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Yeah.

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It might dissuade you from your journey.

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If you go after that pill or if you seek
out that objective measure of ventral

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bagel activation or bagel efficiency.

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I wonder if that would deter you.

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I don't know.

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I don't think it's this.

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No, there's no one right answer to that.

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I think the measurement stuff
is, or the potential of it

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in the future is pretty cool.

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I'm interested in that.

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I like measurement.

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I like data stuff.

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But I think for me, what it ultimately
comes down to, and for the people I

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work with is can you feel safety or not?

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Can you feel connected
to the present moment?

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Do you feel grounded?

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Can you access your senses?

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And experience them.

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Can you look inwards and
experience what's inside of you.

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Without fear.

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And if the answer is yes to all those
or some of those, or even one of

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those, that's a pretty good indication
that you're on the right path, even

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without a more objective measure or
without a ventral vagal magic pill.

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Maybe, ultimately, this is just
speculation and fun to think about.

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And maybe journal about if you'd like to.

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But I think that your answers to
these questions might kind of indicate

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where you're at and what you need.

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Maybe you do need
something more objective.

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Maybe if like, if your answer is yes
to these, like, I want to know the

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measurement of my vehicle efficiency.

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Like, I can't give that to you, but, and
you probably can't give that to yourself.

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But if you need more objectivity, In
your you know, self development journey.

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Your trauma, recovery journey.

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Then maybe you could set
that up for yourself.

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Maybe you could track how often
you feel something like calmness.

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Or feeling connected
to the present moment.

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Maybe you can create an Excel spreadsheet
and give yourself that objectivity.

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Maybe you do need that.

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Maybe that makes it easier for you.

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Maybe you have that clear
goal is helpful for you.

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In my courses, I do recommend in both
Building Safety Anchors and Unstucking

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Defensive States, I do recommend that
the participants create a very clear,

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achievable actionable, practical,
measurable goal for themselves,

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something that is attainable and
practical and actually doable.

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I think it's important to have
that something to strive for.

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I don't think you need to be super
objective about it and actually

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track on an Excel data sheet,
but that might work for you.

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So if you, if the idea of objectivity
intrigues you then maybe it's

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time to start setting yourself
up with something like that.

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If the idea of a magic pill
intrigues you, I don't blame you.

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But that might indicate you're just
really desperate and ready for change.

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And I don't.

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Yeah.

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Again, I don't blame you,
nothing wrong with that at all.

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I would encourage you though
to embrace the journey aspect

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of this if you haven't already.

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As much as you can embrace
that this is a long-term thing.

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Is a struggle.

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There is no hack.

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There is no shortcut.

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At least not that I know of.

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Validate that.

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Yeah.

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It's frustrating and validate that
maybe you do feel desperation.

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Maybe you do feel like giving up.

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Maybe you're pissed off.

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So validate your feelings.

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And then can you also
normalize your feelings?

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Like, can you normalize, why
you feel the way you feel?

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Does it make sense that you
have your feelings based on

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the context of your life?

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So validate them and normalize them.

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And then also you have to give
them permission to be present.

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Give yourself permission
to have those feelings.

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But at the same time, maybe also
accept that this is a process.

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It is a journey.

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There are obstacles and
there are successes as well.

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As of right now, there is no objective
measure and I don't think there

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ever will be a magic pill for this.

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Or any kind of pill?

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I don't think.

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But I don't know who, who the heck knows?

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So, as of right now, these things
don't exist, which means it really

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just comes down to you and you
can be more objective about it.

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But it really does come down to you
and feeling you know, your safety.

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And if you could feel safety,
that means you can do it again.

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And then maybe you can
build that into a practice.

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At least just like those micro
moments of mindfulness every day.

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I really recommend that.

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I don't know that those are just kind
of some thoughts that came to my mind

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with this topic this week and how I
shared it in my community, but also my

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email subscribers, my email newsletter.

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And I thought I would share it
here with you in an unscripted way.

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Just top of mind.

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My thoughts.

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If you are ready to really embrace the
journey aspect of all this, then I do have

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courses for you and a private community.

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I call it the total access membership.

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Where you get access,
you get total access to.

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My poly big old trauma relief system.

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And my small, wonderful community
of really awesome individuals

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who are on their own journeys
and collaborating and talking and

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sharing ideas within the community.

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We also meet up twice a
month for open Q and a.

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That way, you never have to wonder
if you understand something,

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you could always ask questions.

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I've also collected every piece of
self-regulation knowledge that I

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have into the courses so that you
can learn clearly and on your own

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time and practice when you can.

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If you're interested in the total
access membership, I'll have a

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link for you in the description.

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Thank you for listening to this
special Friday episode fellow stock.

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Now I do hope that this episode has been
helpful for you as far as how you're

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thinking about this stuff and what you're
wanting at this part in your journey.

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Maybe you do want a quick fix
and you're not ready to really

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embrace the journey aspect of this.

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And that's okay.

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You're at you're at where you're at.

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Sadly, there is no magic pill for you.

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But you can set yourself up with
some really objective measures.

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Maybe not they go efficiency measures, but
you can set yourself up with some some,

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some more objectivity in your journey.

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Bye.

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This podcast is not therapy,
not intended to be therapy or

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be a replacement for therapy.

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Nothing in this creates or indicates
a therapeutic relationship.

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Please consult with your therapist or
seek for one in your area if you are

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experiencing mental health symptoms.

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Nothing in this podcast should be
construed to be specific life advice.

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It is for educational and
entertainment purposes only.

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More resources are available in
the description of this episode

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and in the footer of justinlmft.

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com.