If there was a magic pill you could take to activate your poly bagel,
state of safety and social engagement.
Would you.
I asked that question to my email list subscribers this week.
And I also put that forward to my community.
So I want to ask that here as well, and kind of explore that a little bit.
My name is Justin sincerely.
I'm a therapist, a coach, and the creator of the poly bagel trauma relief system.
Welcome to stuck, not broken.
where I teach you how to live with more calm.
Confidence and connection without the psychobabble.
In this episode, I just want to kind of explore that question with you.
And I'm curious where you're at, at least for your own reflection.
To answer that question and to kind of dig in a little bit as
to what might be driving that.
And then I kinda want to talk about next steps with you and
what that might look like.
Every day in my community, I have something called a daily growth hub where
I pose a question or share the week's content and have some discussion points.
But basically just every day, I want people to reflect on something.
And this week.
On Tuesday, I had shared an episode.
With you with everybody.
About vagal efficiency.
On the same day that I shared that in my private community, I
asked them a few questions that I want to bring to you here.
Make sure you listen to the last episode, but the basic idea is
that Bigelow efficiency measures the strength, how efficient.
Your vagal break is, or your, your safety state.
I asked my community.
Would you like to have an objective measurement?
I thought, gee, I thought it'd be kind of cool, but I'm the one who's
running the community and I'm the one who is creating the courses.
So I.
I like the idea of having objective measure.
Of whether or not these things are working for myself.
I mean, just as an objective provider of.
Or the creator of these things.
But I got a few really cool responses.
I wanted to share here with you or give you the basic idea.
Kay said that she'd be the first one to have her Vegas efficiency measured.
Maybe it's just curiosity, but she would love to have some metrics to work with.
A said that she has trouble registering what she's feeling.
So an external tool might be super helpful.
But then she also kind of went on to say that she can see the downsides.
That she's used other heart rate variability, which is different.
But she's used other heart rate variability measures.
And really got sucked into the measurement of it and didn't
really see much change in it.
So for her, the, the focus became more about the measurement.
Yeah.
I can see that being an issue.
Another person from my community, Jay, she said that she'd rather
rely on her, felt sensations, that her body's communicating to her.
And then one more person F says yes and no.
That the measurement could lead to feeling defeated.
If they're not seeing change.
Or maybe she would feel inspired and treating it like an experiment.
And then she could do deliberate things and see what happened.
Within the measurement of her vagal efficiency.
So obviously there's no right or wrong answer here.
For you, just kind of reflect on that.
Would you like to have an objective measurement?
So I was thinking about that a little bit more.
And then this week on Wednesday, I sent out my weekly newsletter
for my email subscribers.
And I asked the question of if there was a way.
To take a magic pill, maybe.
Something that would activate your safety state.
Would you take it?
This would be different than a psychiatric medication.
Psychiatric medications try to control behaviors or symptoms, but
not state the state in and of itself.
So just playing pretend- if we had a magic pill that would turn on your
safety state, would you take it?
And I don't know if maybe we'll change if we, if you had to take it every day.
Maybe that would change if it was a cure all and you'll have to take a once.
Maybe that would change how you think about this.
But yeah, I mean, what would you take it?
Or would you accept that no, this is a long process.
This trauma recovery stuff.
And you don't want to take the shortcut.
You don't want to just activate it day after day through taking a magic pill.
And if not, then you kind of are accepting that.
Yeah.
It's a long process.
It takes practice.
There is no hack that is going to get you there.
And keep you there.
Day in day out.
That the only really course, I think the best course is to first off
practice being in your safety state.
And then as your bagel break, strengthens enough.
Then work on getting unstuck and directly feeling into your stuck defensive state.
But you might be someone that would reject the pill and also say, no,
I don't want any measures either.
I can feel this stuff.
I can feel myself in my safety state.
I can notice when I have access to it and practice doing that day in day out
and dedicate myself to that practice and really embrace the journey aspect of this.
I think if you take the pill, like you kind of lose the journey in a way.
At the same time.
And I've heard this from people who have used substances as a way
to feel, you know, get relief.
That when they use whatever that substance is it gives them like this
reference point for safety it gives them this potentially this beautiful,
wonderful experience that they can call upon or strive towards again.
And maybe the pill would do that for you, maybe the pill, the the magic safety
state pill, the ventral vagal magic pill- maybe that would give you a reference
point for finally feeling safety.
And that might be where you're at.
You might just be desperate enough to say.
I'll take the damn magic pill because I need to feel something
different than what I'm feeling now.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with.
That.
I mean, it's not a real anyways, but I don't think there's anything
wrong with being desperate.
Not necessarily.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that reference point for safety.
So you have something you can continually, subjectively measure at least.
Like, if you notice safety feels like, then you can keep striving for it.
Or at least you'll know when you don't have it.
You'll know what.
Truly feeling safe is like,
So maybe you'd want a magic pill for that.
At the same time.
Yeah.
It might dissuade you from your journey.
If you go after that pill or if you seek out that objective measure of ventral
bagel activation or bagel efficiency.
I wonder if that would deter you.
I don't know.
I don't think it's this.
No, there's no one right answer to that.
I think the measurement stuff is, or the potential of it
in the future is pretty cool.
I'm interested in that.
I like measurement.
I like data stuff.
But I think for me, what it ultimately comes down to, and for the people I
work with is can you feel safety or not?
Can you feel connected to the present moment?
Do you feel grounded?
Can you access your senses?
And experience them.
Can you look inwards and experience what's inside of you.
Without fear.
And if the answer is yes to all those or some of those, or even one of
those, that's a pretty good indication that you're on the right path, even
without a more objective measure or without a ventral vagal magic pill.
Maybe, ultimately, this is just speculation and fun to think about.
And maybe journal about if you'd like to.
But I think that your answers to these questions might kind of indicate
where you're at and what you need.
Maybe you do need something more objective.
Maybe if like, if your answer is yes to these, like, I want to know the
measurement of my vehicle efficiency.
Like, I can't give that to you, but, and you probably can't give that to yourself.
But if you need more objectivity, In your you know, self development journey.
Your trauma, recovery journey.
Then maybe you could set that up for yourself.
Maybe you could track how often you feel something like calmness.
Or feeling connected to the present moment.
Maybe you can create an Excel spreadsheet and give yourself that objectivity.
Maybe you do need that.
Maybe that makes it easier for you.
Maybe you have that clear goal is helpful for you.
In my courses, I do recommend in both Building Safety Anchors and Unstucking
Defensive States, I do recommend that the participants create a very clear,
achievable actionable, practical, measurable goal for themselves,
something that is attainable and practical and actually doable.
I think it's important to have that something to strive for.
I don't think you need to be super objective about it and actually
track on an Excel data sheet, but that might work for you.
So if you, if the idea of objectivity intrigues you then maybe it's
time to start setting yourself up with something like that.
If the idea of a magic pill intrigues you, I don't blame you.
But that might indicate you're just really desperate and ready for change.
And I don't.
Yeah.
Again, I don't blame you, nothing wrong with that at all.
I would encourage you though to embrace the journey aspect
of this if you haven't already.
As much as you can embrace that this is a long-term thing.
Is a struggle.
There is no hack.
There is no shortcut.
At least not that I know of.
Validate that.
Yeah.
It's frustrating and validate that maybe you do feel desperation.
Maybe you do feel like giving up.
Maybe you're pissed off.
So validate your feelings.
And then can you also normalize your feelings?
Like, can you normalize, why you feel the way you feel?
Does it make sense that you have your feelings based on
the context of your life?
So validate them and normalize them.
And then also you have to give them permission to be present.
Give yourself permission to have those feelings.
But at the same time, maybe also accept that this is a process.
It is a journey.
There are obstacles and there are successes as well.
As of right now, there is no objective measure and I don't think there
ever will be a magic pill for this.
Or any kind of pill?
I don't think.
But I don't know who, who the heck knows?
So, as of right now, these things don't exist, which means it really
just comes down to you and you can be more objective about it.
But it really does come down to you and feeling you know, your safety.
And if you could feel safety, that means you can do it again.
And then maybe you can build that into a practice.
At least just like those micro moments of mindfulness every day.
I really recommend that.
I don't know that those are just kind of some thoughts that came to my mind
with this topic this week and how I shared it in my community, but also my
email subscribers, my email newsletter.
And I thought I would share it here with you in an unscripted way.
Just top of mind.
My thoughts.
If you are ready to really embrace the journey aspect of all this, then I do have
courses for you and a private community.
I call it the total access membership.
Where you get access, you get total access to.
My poly big old trauma relief system.
And my small, wonderful community of really awesome individuals
who are on their own journeys and collaborating and talking and
sharing ideas within the community.
We also meet up twice a month for open Q and a.
That way, you never have to wonder if you understand something,
you could always ask questions.
I've also collected every piece of self-regulation knowledge that I
have into the courses so that you can learn clearly and on your own
time and practice when you can.
If you're interested in the total access membership, I'll have a
link for you in the description.
Thank you for listening to this special Friday episode fellow stock.
Now I do hope that this episode has been helpful for you as far as how you're
thinking about this stuff and what you're wanting at this part in your journey.
Maybe you do want a quick fix and you're not ready to really
embrace the journey aspect of this.
And that's okay.
You're at you're at where you're at.
Sadly, there is no magic pill for you.
But you can set yourself up with some really objective measures.
Maybe not they go efficiency measures, but you can set yourself up with some some,
some more objectivity in your journey.
Bye.
This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or
be a replacement for therapy.
Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship.
Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are
experiencing mental health symptoms.
Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice.
It is for educational and entertainment purposes only.
More resources are available in the description of this episode
and in the footer of justinlmft.
com.