Hello and welcome to this week's episode. This week we're talking about more 30th birthday parties, lots of teething, grabbing absolutely everything, having a long old journey, and Dan finishing up work before we start looking after Bubba for the next 16 weeks. So stay tuned. Welcome to Blabbering, a week by week glimpse into a couple stumbling through life with a newborn. I'm Tilly. And I'm Dan. Each week we'll discuss the realities of raising our baby, talking through the highs, lows and honest confessions of this thing called parenting. Parenting won't be easy, but let's at least laugh about it. This is Blabbering. Ha ha ha ha ha.

we're on episode 22. So we've got a drugged up teething baby that's feeding

just life. It's just life. Mmm, cold coffee. She is not happy, girly. It's not nice watching everything because you know she's in pain. It's just horrible. Makes my boobies leak.

Yeah, I don't have that reaction.

No, one of the pinnacles just started leaking.

What would it be?

tape? It's a creature. I don't know. I read somewhere that apparently men can

Just like, you know water.

lactate.

Yeah, I heard

research for another podcast next week. We'll come back to it. What do men lactate? What do men leak out of their nips? Who

all the time.

knows? Um, but yeah, so the past few days she's been pretty grouchy, isn't she? And clingy, like, sleeping's been a bit more rough, isn't it? So we're both pretty tired, so you can probably hear our voices today. But yes. This is just the stage we're at.

Yeah, she didn't sleep much at all last night.

Yeah, when she's not, when she's actually not feeling grouchy, she's actually been really alert and engaging this week, hasn't she, I think. Like, she's Like, reaching for people and things a lot more and grabbing and definitely interacting, physically.

A lot of reaching.

I'm sure you grabbed a load of your cereal, didn't you? Yeah, the

Yeah, the other day I had a bowl of cereal, and I was trying to take it through to the other room to eat it. And then, I turned around to grab the milk, and next thing, a hand just reached out for the cereal, smashed straight in my bowl and just cleared out a good, 20 percent of the bowl. So, Fatty, our dog, loved that and was like, Oh, Choco shelves, don't mind if I do. Did

Um, oh, so he's got a stomach of iron. Um, what should we be trying? Oh yeah, we're having some veggie, like, vegetable fried rice.

you say the stomach of a lion or a stomach of iron?

iron.

Stomach of a lion!

We're both zapped, I imagine. Um, Although, part of me feels like lions would be like pretty little princesses, if they didn't have like, pure meat or whatever.

Probably very used to a set of, like, microbiome

Yeah. Um,

What are you talking about, vegetable?

oh yeah, so we're having veggie fried rice, and I was just trying to eat while I was feeding her, and she just sort of finished, and she just like like slow mo, just plunged her hand.

hand.

into my bowl of rice, and just pulled it out of her fist and sort of just dropped it all over herself. And I was like, aww,

Yep.

Um, so what have you got for your meal today, my darling? Choco

Choco shells, and, um, cookie crisps, but little versions of both.

you've got subpar milk, haven't you?

Yeah, I've had to use green milk, green top milk.

sit and so I've had to stalk the house before he eats, which is actually very easy because my dad eats legit almost the same thing every day. He's a real creature of habit. A good couple of pints of coffee in the morning.

does drink so much coffee.

and then he'll go for a poo. I know this. And then he'll have his breakfast, which is very cyclical, but currently he's in the cycle of, you know, Berries, banana, yoghurt, granola. Every day. And I mean every day.

Pretty healthy.

I mean, there's a lot of sugary granola. You know, a portion of granola you have in yoghurt is meant to be like, you know, maybe 30 grams, maybe 50 grams max.

No, I have half a bottle of canola. Nice!

got similar amounts of sugar as like your weekend cereal. Um, it just disguises itself as healthy. Because of oats. Lies. Yeah, it's like a flapjack, isn't it? We always feel like flapjack's healthy, but it's really not. I mean, it's definitely healthier

mean, it's definitely healthier than like, just Grabbin a, you know, Mars bar

yeah, at least it has got fibre and stuff in it. Yeah, there is like health properties there. I

versus just chocolate. Um, and

mean, not, I'd say a lot, but.

pizanzas. In a pizanza, you would have beetroot, royal onion, mayonnaise,

then his lunch is two sandwiches, two buckets of lentil crisps, but in his sandwiches he always has beetroot, raw red onion, and, Mayonnaise and cheddar, which is a rough sandwich, and it gives him indigestion, and yet he has it every day.

day. Nice. But

He's like, yeah, the raw onions just really plays up on me. I'm like, why do you have it? Why have it every day.

Indigestion is part of the habit

Yeah, I mean, you could even like, just lightly pickle your onions and you wouldn't get the indigestion. Anyway, so that's basically what, that's the food I buy in for him, because he's going to eat that every day. And then I make him a, his dinner, and then he's got his dinner set while he's here, he'll have the same dinner both nights. Um, I'm just going to make more fudge pie.

Good idea.

um,

We'll get on to the gosh fine bits. What

want?

have you got?

I have got my, sort of like, skia yoghurt, with some peanut butter and some protein granola. Ooh! Ooh! Um, and a coffee. My second coffee, because teething's real. I'm gonna leave. So, if

going to have one of my Tenzings before we started.

app. You

So, if I start fading just shout ENERGY at me. And I'll boost myself.

chair. Yeah, um, okay,

But on the chat. Um, okay.

so I guess basically we're about to go on our first real long road trip as it were with Bubby aren't we? Mm hmm.

Just one choose TV.

Yeah, we've timed it well. Um, so. Friends of ours have just had their own baby, beautiful little Darcy.

on the pod? Yeah. Well

phone. Yes. Well,

he will be, he's

Okay, so, ooh, look forward to that. Harry and his wife, Gabe,

And he

who are friends from university, have had their first daughter, Darcy. All is going well, and so they now live up in Edinburgh.

was going to

Again, Um, and so we're traveling up to see them as well as our friends, Lou and Luke, who are actually expecting. So it's very baby, baby, baby led trip, but we've decided because trains are mentally expensive and we feel like, I feel like getting a plane is just not. This is, not good for the planet, that, we're gonna drive, but it's, it's quite the drive. Without any stops and good traffic it's what, seven hours? And obviously we're gonna have to do a good few stops with Zo, for like changes and feeds and things. Because normally you can't feed on the go, you know? How about we like just flop a tit into her car seat? I feel like if you put

like if you put the papoose on, and you feed in the papoose, and you had the seatbelt

your head. Do

that cancels

it up there. Just flop your tits up. But she can

Just

she can hold it. Her body won't take it.

though, is she can hold her own bottle. It might be worth making a few bottles before we go. Okay. So how many syringes ready? Only

bottle, I think. Um, because it won't last that long anyway.

I'm not that close

botch.

2 hours. I'm more of a 4 6 0 guy. Supposedly you're only allowed to leave a bottle for

a botch. Pretend I'm not

2 hours, when you've made it with formula and stuff, so. That's just, that's quite strange sometimes, like at night, when she decides that she's doing it, and I have like, half a bit. If I wake up in like a 4

that. You're not being a

I just give

you have to

other half.

super careful.

been sick. Yeah.

But we're going to set off really early, aren't we? So, she normally wakes up for a feed between 2 and 3. 2

Yeah, so we might be setting off, uh, at

take Fatty for

2 or 3 in the morning, well a bit later, because I'm going to take Fatboy just for a quick walk. Way awk! Away awk!

a feed, you'll take Fatty. We're going to pack up the car tonight. And then we'll just bundle her in and hopefully because she's not with him, we'll sleep for a good few hours again. And so we'll give her a nappy change, we'll give her a good feed, get her in the car and she should sleep.

For three to four hours, in which case we can cut half the journey.

I mean, let's hope so. I think probably less of a teething.

Yeah, but you've got the momentum factor, remember, like, Yeah, I'm being optimistic. Yep.

Lou and Luke tomorrow first. We're going to go see them in the afternoon. And stay with them that night. Which will be lovely.

Um, I can't

isn't it? I can't wait to see Darcy. Really excited to see her. Because obviously they're going to be best

Will does.

in age now is like massive.

Yeah. Yeah.

We'll see. Yeah.

Yeah.

live in Edinburgh and we

school! I mean, if

doing boarding school!

to week 4 in school, I'm not going to

Not even the week boarding school you want to do. I'm not farming out our children.

say no.

I am.

Like, if they're in, like, secondary school. If they're in,

It's been proven to be really fucking awful for their mental health.

form.

Six four, maybe. Yeah, six four, they're old enough at that point.

I think it's quite good if you're in CIPFORM, because I, I, if there are some of you listening, know this, I hate when people go to uni, and can only be there for the weekdays, and then have to go home, because their life's, because they're not like, ready to

there for a week, their lives, they're

And like, I spend the most

I'll send them away to family without us and that sort of thing.

horrid,

when your kid's like, you know, I used to go stay with my grandparents for a couple of weeks or whatever during the summer.

graphics are

Lots of things are enforced, but you enjoy it when you're doing it different, do you? Yeah. Yeah, colouring and reading. Playing with like, my grandparents are like, always have this sort of like, they're not really toys, but here's like, you know, a wooden fish that's all built with random bits so you can take apart and put back together, and you know, you do that, a good four or five times, and you maybe, maybe you play Jenga by

and they do that, and maybe you take over later. That's so sad! Find Jenga by yourself! Now what do you

So what do you

find Jenga so stressful. It's

was probably one of the only kid things he had on, like, tape or whatever. So I'd just go sit in his little,

people,

he's got like a little sort of library TV nook.

video call? It's just

I'd go sit there and, yeah, just watch James and, the Giant Peach.

like this game, I still

Where as the grannies it was always, What you had to do at granny's, Every day, without fail, 2 in the afternoon, afternoon play on radio 4. We'd have

haven't played

to sit and listen to that, and she'd fall asleep listening to it, on the sofa. And I quite liked listening to it, I still quite like the afternoon play on radio 4, probably because of that, I found it quite comforting. Obviously when you read it, it's quite a long time to sit still for. Um, but once I was older and I'd be there with Flobo, we'd play like the games that Granny had. See, Granny had like, only a couple of games she had. Sticks and Ladders, which Flo would always cheat her. Always. How'd you

How do you cheat at stakes, man?

would just not follow the dice or whatever and just, like, slyly go up a ladder when she wasn't really meant to. It was very blatant, it wasn't subtle.

Oh, okay.

But then she would just absolutely deny it. She's my mum's mum is a filthy cheat when it comes to playing it. Particularly when she's against Uncle Joshie. Um, or Pick Up Sticks.

Pick up stakes is the most bullshit game I've ever heard. Is it not just like I think I've played it once, so I just thought, this is just clearing up.

loads and loads of skewers, like wooden skewers. But they're all, generally they're all like painted different colours. No, no. These

Yeah. Oh. Okay, I've done like, pick up snakes

Oh, no. This is like, loads of them you drop on the floor. I can't remember

have to

game. Is it? I think you just gotta try and pick them up moving. I don't know what it is. Pick them up.

pick up like a certain colour without moving the others or something?

Yeah, something like that. Yeah, you're picking up sticks.

It just sounds like elaborate cleaning up.

You play that on repeat. I think those were only two games, just those two games. So

So yeah, Zoe's gonna have a great time. Ha ha ha

is she? Granny's in her home.

No.

Um, she might go stay with her great granddad.

Yeah.

I had a great time when I used to go to there. We'd always go to, it's always generally quite educational stuff, so we'd always do like the museums in London.

I'm not saying it

And like the zoo,

time, I'm just saying that some parts of it,

of it. And

on your

child should be able to entertain themselves.

It should, yeah, it should. Just solo Jenga versus colouring or drawing, I know which I would choose.

Well, generally I would do drawing.

we

them pictures. So yes, and I don't know how we got onto that.

were discussing if they would go to the same school, and it would only be a boarding school, and then you said don't need to go to boarding school. They're going to go away to my family's and have a great time like I did as a child playing Star Lord Jenga and shredding papers.

make a scrapbook. My mum would give me a plain, like, book. And I'd make a scrapbook of all the things I did with them. And I'd put in like, Like, tube receipts,

What?

and, you know, postcards from museums and things, and I'd write in that, Me and Granny made a chocolate cake today, and I'd write the recipe in it, and tell you

tell you what, people worry about millennials needing overstimulation, well here we go, Tilly does not. Give her some tube receipts, she's off.

My childhood was very homemade, alright? I wasn't like, posh and bougie. A bit rough on my day, but alright.

just mean, mine was more. chasing my old things which was more down my alley. So when it came to entertaining myself it was more just like me being like, I'm off out mum and then I'll just go around chasing things. Yeah.

London, so And they're both quite serious academics. So that's kind of That's the, that's the vibe. Um, but they'll go to like your grandparents and stuff, and they'll be able to buy the Cornwall, and they'll be grateful, and they'll be in love with that. You know, you'd rather take them down to the, the Yacht Club, or something real, real class now.

You haven't been yet, have you?

still not been there.

got a son right, won't be happy

I feel like every time we go there, we, we plan to like bad weather or something.

the times we've been planning to go on one of his mates boat.

are on Monday. I mean, actually, I don't care about just going down to the Yacht Club, particularly. I mean, what is it, just a building? Building in April,

It's quite nice, that's right, on the,

though, because

on the, um, estuary as it were. But yeah, it keeps being shit weather or something happens that means we can't go. So, it's the weekend after last weekend. Yeah, so I'm now, well, I meant to be officially off, but I've got a few hours of stuff that I need to tidy up before. I set the out of office on, but yeah, my final week before I'm off for 16 weeks on shared paternity, shared parental leave. So

know what

who don't know shared parental leave is whereby you curtail the mum's maternity leave and the other parent takes the amount that they've curtailed it by. So, um, I'm going to have 16 weeks of,

mean technically you could probably take more,

your maternity eventually. Yeah, you could, but you wouldn't get statutory, so I could take up to the full year,

a full year, but

but I wouldn't get statutory. Okay. And, uh, and, yeah. And the only reason why it's 16 weeks for me is because that's how long, yeah. Uh, no. Because you'd finish the nine months. So after nine months you don't get any statutory pay. I don't know why it's called maternity leave, because it's just actually unpaid time off. Is what it should be called, but I guess there's some, uh, rights around it, as well, you can't be fired in those three months, whereas I guess if you were just on unpaid time off, I mean, I'm not a I'm not a legal expert, you might be able to be fired, but what I'm just saying is, you've probably got better rights

rights

on those three months of unpaid maternity than if you just went. I'm taking unpaid time off for three months. Ciao. So you get nine months of statutory, but I'm taking 16 weeks because my work allows me to have full pay for

to my work now.

16 weeks.

I don't

Yeah, burn off.

going to do. I

Sorry, what was that? I don't know, my butt.

don't know how to shut my mouth. Shut

Dropped granola to turn your bar, brah. Okay. RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH. RAH. HEH. HEH. HEH. HEH. HEH.

butter stuck my mouth together.

Oh well, this'll probably go on video. Just be cut out of the audio, because it's a bit weird. HEH HEH HEH HEH.

Bit attractive. Um.

So yeah, so, I'll be um, Off from the next sixteen weeks, up until the middle of July.

of primary care giver.

Yeah, off work. People keep saying that, people keep going, so you're off work? And I'm like, yeah, but it's meant to be more stressful than 60 percent of jobs. And they go, oh yeah, sorry, yeah, 90%. And they go, oh yeah, yeah, I can believe that. I'd much prefer to be in the office. I just mean you're off work.

one bit of a sugar dream?

And they meant in terms of stress. In the office with kids is the way, isn't it? I just also think

enjoy it. During the holidays, when people bring the kids into work, you see the instantly

like, who are you fooling? You're just going to spend the day having to manage your children.

Depends what age they're like. They're older. They just play on their phones. Or like their iPads next to them, basically. how's

I think that for me the, the, the crux of it is to make sure that that is,

is

My absolute priority for the time off is looking after her like there aren't there aren't days where I'm meant to be looking after her And I'm also meant to be doing something

to be

because like whenever

important. Because,

I'm trying to do work

do work,

and look after her I just find it so stressful because she just doesn't you know, she just decides that You know, suddenly she needs to go for a walk or suddenly she needs to, you know, and she just cries and screams and you're there like, I've literally 30 minutes left to do, I can do this thing in 30 minutes if I'm uninterrupted. And it becomes this game of kind of

kind

over two hours doing it in five minute increments. And it's just so frustrating, especially because I'm somebody who likes to just sort of compartmentalize my work, sit down. Be like, this is the task, I'm in the zone of this task, do it, not be like,

the other way

and now I stop to change a nappy, and now I stop to make a bottle, and now I stop to go for a walk. Yeah.

Dad on it's very like single minded when he's got something on his brain and you're like that's what I mean and that is like what you're like but you just can't do that when you're looking after her.

No. And that's the thing, that's why I want to get this work out, the little bit of work that got left out of the way as soon as possible. And then there's not, and, and that's why some people have been like, Oh, you should kind of take up a project or take up some sort of thing that you want to do. And I don't really want to because I'll then have something that I'm like, that I'm trying to prioritize, and then I'll have her as well. So while I would like to like paint my bike and stuff like that, I'm going to wait a few weeks, get into the swing of it a bit more. Hopefully her teething will decrease and she'll increase being able to sort of, have periods where she can entertain

cafeterias where she's going to play and stuff. But it's a bit like your type. Once you start

But it's a bit like you're tired. Once you start painting or once you start heat stripping, you're doing that until it's finished. Um, and so if she decides that she's going to cry just as I start painting, or whatever, or just as, you know, spray painting, or just as, I start heat stripping, you're crying baby. I can shout, I can try and, you know, make as lovely noises as I can while I'm doing it. Yeah. So. I'm trying to, there are lots of things that keep popping into my mind, being like, I should try and do these, this during this time. And I'm like,

mind. I'm trying to do these things. What are that? I'm trying

What I've actually thought is I'm going to, watch so much stuff. I'm trying to, not just default to watch, I'm going to try and track how much telly I watch. Because I am worried that I'm just going to end up

worried that I just end up Exactly. to

Yeah, for you it's different. For me I'm, I'm not very forgiving of her laziness with the bottle. I'm constantly just like, making her hold it. Keep adjusting, bring her hands up.

up. Makes

gets annoyed and drops it, and I'm like, no, you're being lazy Zoe,

though. I don't think I'd call her lazy. Do I have

I don't think I call her lazy. Did I not say you're being lazy? I agree if I say you are lazy.

be lazy.

You put a lot

she'll be

get a bottle and burp

hold the bottle and plug it all down. I'll hate

Don't be lazy. At five months, you should be able to hold the bottle and plug it all down. All eight ounces. Burp yourself as well. Yeah. But yeah, you're right.

but yeah, you're about to start doing more of the housework as well. Are you looking forward to that? I

it'll be interesting. Because I, in all honesty, I have no clue how you managed to do so much of the housework while you've also got her. Any time I try to do something like the dishwasher while I've got her, it takes me like an hour just to do the dishwasher. I'm not the fastest at doing it anyway. It probably takes me close to 15 minutes without her. I can do it in 10,

in text. Even

when I'm not. I spend a lot of time trying to work out how to optimally re stack

read

Yeah. So then, when you add her to the mix, you're talking

talk. Spread it through the week. So often I'll do mine all in a day, so I'll have like a day where I do my cleaning. Whereas for you, that's probably not going to work, so maybe you just do one thing each day. Cleaning.

a cleaning hour. That

Exactly, it once a week, whereas I think for you it needs to be daily, like a, like a, breaking it down into daily tasks. So being like, Monday I clean it down to the toilet, and

it, so I always go out for like, take her out on a pram for like 15 minutes, make sure she falls asleep, then come back. And, what time does she usually sleep the longest? She

She will tend to do, depending on how her morning's been and when her night's been, like this sort of nap now can be quite long, so sort of like her early mid morning can be like an hour maybe an hour and a half. Two hours is not very particularly common, but between an hour and an hour and a half probably.

so take her out in

if that'll be the same, I mean, it won't always be possible because I'll be at home, so I'll be doing booby feets, but I don't know if it's going to be the same because obviously she'll fall asleep at the boob, so I don't know.

yeah, yeah, cool.

it might be something like, I give her a feed, then you take her for that quick walk and she falls asleep. Because if she does have a feed, it should be quite good. Um, then you come back and do it. The moment, she's doing more naps, because she's feeding more, sleeping more, just because she's

See you.

teething and needy. Um, but I think that's the way you're going to do it. I think that's the way you're going to do it. Just do like a little task each day. And also that it doesn't feel so like, ugh, and do loads of stuff. Which I know you're not good at. That gets you down. So if you've just got like one thing that you particularly want to do, you can sort of do it first thing in the morning and then it's

Yeah, I am trying to change that actually. I don't

have any things? Um,

very good actually. Um, and how about you? Do you have anything?

this has been my last week probably of being like, we're off together next week. This has been my last week of being off, just me and her really. Um, which I feel like I have mixed feelings about really. I'm looking forward to working and having a routine again. Because as you know, I'm someone who like, loves a routine and I'm, I'm a much better person I think, a much better version of myself in a routine. Yeah, yeah exactly.

Like,

version.

yeah, but I mean, often people say that when they mean like, You know, becoming some sort of Zen master instead of being a prick. And it's, you know, it's

No, I think generally, like, personality wise, personality and mood wise, I'm pretty consistent,

Um Yeah.

generally. I'm not an overly up and down person, other than a couple of days after giving birth to her, I was just crying for no reason. That's fine. Um and yeah,

the game. so much. Yeah. so much for having

so I guess it's more like, I like having like, I can stick to my healthy habits, like journaling, meditation, exercising, all that sort of stuff, when I'm in a routine. So I'm looking forward to that element of it. Um, and I like looking forward to working again. I'm really glad that I'm being, I'm able to do most of it from home, to begin with, for the first few months. Because I think if I'd had to go from this, to being back in the office every day. I would really struggle. I just think that'd be too much. I'd be like, oh, I just, yeah. I know I'd really struggle with that. Whereas I know I'm still going to be seeing her throughout the day. For the little, you know, half an hour feeds. And that, so I think that makes me feel a lot better. And also I quite like the fact that because I'm working from home and you're not working, it means that we can actually have quite a long evening together.

Yeah.

I'm quite looking forward to that actually because my, I work earlier in the day and you work later in the day. So I tend to start work about 7

Yeah,

and then finish around between 4 and

yeah.

Um, and so yeah, that's it.

Because I start about half nine, ten, and finish at like six or seven.

Yeah, um, and so I'm hoping that sort of, like you say, I finish it like four most days. Jim and I can finish it four, unless I've got the first shift turned on. Um, I can go to do my gym sash, sort of clear my head for the day. Come back about five ish, and then that's our evening. So we've got like four hours together

Yeah, that would be quite nice, because currently our evening has

for starting to build a routine in for her

Yeah, it's nothing like washing, massaging,

so we can like have dinner Probably I think start our dinner probably earlier

Seven or six?

Or because if we were thinking if she's gonna start weaning and she's has say has her weaning meal Begin with as her evening meal because that's when we can do it together. I think it makes the most sense

yeah.

had it like yeah six ish

The TV dinners are dead. That's it,

I think for now, at least for the majority of the time, yeah. Um,

now on, it's at the table. It's family dinner time.

um, you still have TV snack time. Don't

Isn't that all TV time?

Must be consuming snacks. Um, mindlessly eating in front of the TV.

Get that blow up!

I'll say this in a minute, say cozy couple to me in a minute. Um, not right now, in a minute, um, But yeah, cause we'll have to like, you know, have an early dinner with her, and then we can start building up a sheet and hopefully start putting, even if she's not in, still while she's in the room with us, we'll start putting her down at seven. With

In which room?

us, but in the next to me.

Oh, I see what you mean. Okay,

And then, well obviously then we'll start moving her into her own room. But just to begin with, she'll still be in with us. But like, to start, that I think of like, us not going to bed with her. Um, so like sort of, having dinner, then having like a nice like relaxing bath and things. And a feed, and then putting her to bed. And then us having a couple of hours to ourselves. I know. And also I think it'd be nice to start doing evening walks with the dog. It'd be nice if we could do sort of double walks a day with him.

Yeah.

Um, sort of before dinner, going for a nice little walk or whatever. You all gonna start being cooking dinners?

Oh yeah. yeah. so you've got to start buying one of

I need to, yeah, remember to message mum because she's got a discount code for Gusto. So, exactly, so

of HelloFresh ones as well. Cozy

of all the fruit, the reduced prices

that's not

Um,

about it. Probably not worth the nine, yeah.

And then, so yeah, so we do her, sort of, building that routine of like, you know, bath and then a feed, or like, give her a little, we start doing more reading. So, sort of, reading to her, putting her down, and then hopefully she'll be sleeping, and then if she stays asleep when we go to bed at, say, nine, maybe we'll do something for later, who knows? Probably not, because she's still waking up a lot. I think it's obviously why she's still waking up, it doesn't make much sense. So, say we go to bed at 9. If she's asleep, we'll give her a dream feed.

A dream, she

Dream feed.

in my book, does that really exist? So we'll read that one first. Oh, yeah.

I don't know, you have to kind of, it's like, it's when you, feed her while she's asleep. So, I can't do it with a bottle, but I can do it with boob, I found. So, like, yesterday when you gave it to me, when I got back. She's staying asleep, but I put her on the move and then she'll start feeding. I sort of just wave my nipple around her mouth for a little bit, and then eventually she sort of latches on. Ha ha ha.

What a life as a baby hair. It's like something out of a cartoon, you know, where they've got like this, is it like Tom and Jerry or whatever, where they're just sort of waving a bit of cheese around and then suddenly Yeah.

And then she'll let it in and she'll go, oh, okay, mum mum mum mum mum mum mum. Um, so that way often you can give her a feed without her waking up, but it'll keep her, it'll keep her asleep for longer. It's helping prolong those, those sleeps. So you give her a feed, put her down, and then, you know, when she wakes up, when she wakes up. Um, so yeah, I'm quite looking forward to that part about going back to work. Really focusing on building those routines. Um, particularly when we start transferring her over to her own room.

Yep.

Um, yeah, I think generally I feel positive about it. I feel ready to go back to work.

No eye contact. Baby's awake.

so yes, generally positive. And whilst we had this week, I've had one of my other friends turn 30, we're all turning 30 in the same month, so it's a month of 30s. Um, so I went to see her yesterday. which is lovely. Um, I did a little surprise picnic in the park. so in my family, when you have a birthday, We do like a birthday chair, so We decorate it. with like streamers and balloons and we go all out and it's very camp and OTT. and so I wanted to do it for her but obviously I wasn't there for the breakfast, which is what we tend to do it. So I took her to the park and I decorated the bench while she closed her eyes with streamers. And I got like a candle out, which just kept blowing out because it was too windy. And we had bubbles and like little snacks and we just, you know, spent a nice couple of hours just sitting there having a little drink. And what was actually quite cold and windy actually, we got pretty chilly by the end.

then tonight

And then tonight we're actually going back into London for her sort of birthday dinner, aren't we?

a movie

Um,

we're going to be getting in the car at like 3am and

really knackered. Um,

some, you've got a lot of cooking to do today because you're going to make some cotch pie for

a birthday cake. So I'm making Tash for her birthday, uh, almond and orange cake. like a nice rich almond sponge, and then I'm doing Uh, orange cream cheese buttercream with also some bitter marmalade in the layers as well. And some crunched almonds. Then I've got loads of like real camp rainbow sprinkles to cover in because she loves colour. All the colour.

more than I love colour.

She does. Um, so we're going into that. so now we're going to a nice Thai restaurant and Zoe's coming with us. We're going to get her the party clothes. Uh, and I'm also making for Harry and Gabe, the ones who just had the babe, the darsty babe, um, some meals for their freezer. That's what I always do when my friends have kids. So I just think,

maybe, it's just a

sometimes you can make meals, but sometimes you're really tired and can't be arsed. but also you want to still try and get some good nutrition, especially if you are breastfeeding.

Yeah. Um,

Um, and so I'm just going to make them some cottage pies, because I feel like most people like cottage pie.

going to use some of our vegan protein mix though? Because that way it won't go

it's like, it's pea, pea mints. Mmm.

protein for breastfeeding. That is true. Look at

Um, which is a legume, which also means.

is the

So

one, really.

I'm going to do them a few cottage pies that they can have them from freezer to oven whenever they fancy it or need a meal. And we've got them a little sort of projector light that Zoe loved, didn't we? So it sort of projects shapes and lights onto the walls, and sort of

just trying to grab

spins around. So it's quite good when babies are learning to track and it just keeps them quite occupied. We found with Zola it was really good. Like when she was young, she didn't like being, having her nappy changed. It was, it distracted her quite well.

Yeah.

and I went, I went, I wanted to get them some No Seco,

Yeah.

they didn't have any non alcoholic sort of bubbles. So I figured when we, we can stop at a shop on the way and get yes. So today's a lot of cooking. And then I think we should do a bit of cleaning. I'd give us a long list, but it's not gonna get done today. But then we should make sure the spares okay for my dad because that's what he's gonna be staying. And then just sort of make sure the

boring chat. Move on. Well,

done. Alright.

just list off, uh Yeah, it's a quick way

I was just gonna say we should do bit of cleaning. That's all.

all. innit?

That's all. isn't it? That's a bit sassy, doesn't it?

walks until he gets

take Matty for another walk, isn't it?

So, do you have any highs, lows and funnies?

I sort of said all my good stuff and things throughout the week, really. My lows have been had seedings, pretty horrible. Highs have been, you know, going to see friends and things and having a nice time. Um Her grabbing thing has been pretty funny. What else has she done? Her shrieking is quite funny. She's doing a really high pitch. It's like dog level noise, isn't

Yeah, it's pretty horrible.

I quite like it. It's quite nice. She's just starting to vocalise, isn't she?

She is fortunate she's not done any of it on the podcast, I was worried that we'd just have an hour of her shrieking in the background,

stuff on your hand? Are that toothpicks? My highs. Joy

more milk.

back

Um, okay, so let's see, my highs, um, I've enjoyed getting back into our dog walks every morning. That's been quite nice. Yeah, I bet.

I've been

When was on my training course doing it, we did it every morning.

enjoying

Fine. I've been enjoying it. All right, been enjoying it. Um, and um, a little family walks and then my low was, well my Yeah, my, my funny, actually we'll go with funny. My funny was when we had that piss incident.

had that piss incident.

do you remember? Was it Thursday or Wednesday? Where I Was changing her. But sometimes it's actually, she starts screaming because her nappy's full, and she doesn't want to do another piss in it. And so what happens is, you take the nappy off, And then she starts peeing. I didn't realize it was one of those. I thought she had just peed in it. I took her nappy off, and then, I think I, I think, What was I trying to grab?

Just playing around with her for too long.

Yeah, I was just playing with her while she was down there. And then you just started peeing all over, didn't you? And then there was just a big flotilla of piss. A big little pond of piss. Piss pond. All on the mat. And Yep, she started dancing in it, it was like watching, singing in the rain, but you just kicking piss all over the place.

the Urine.

ha ha, singing in the urine! Um, so that was my funny, and then my low was definitely yesterday, yesterday afternoon. So um, basically, I think almost as soon as you gave her to me, like when I brought her in, she had filled her nappy. And, so, I was still meant to be working, and you were off to go see your friend.

happens. Why

Um, and so I needed to look after her and try and finish my work. Um, and, basically, long, long story short, that didn't happen, hence why I've still got work to do. As soon as I brought her in, she needed a nappy change. So, yeah, as soon as I brought her in from the car, from dropping you off at the station, she needed a nappy change. I went to change a nappy, and

nappy, and

um, somebody sent me a message on Teams while I was mid nappy change. So I just went to go see what that was. and between me and the, um, it was on the table between mine, the laptop and the nappy changing, changing that was the car seat. So I couldn't see what was going on. And the next thing I hear all this shrieking and I look over. And she's grabbed a cold cup of tea and just pulled it all over her. And so she's just now in this pool of cold tea, just having an awful time with it. Um, and so I then had to, uh, to, to change her out of all her clothes. And just quickly just kind of message the person, just say, look, I'm gonna have to get back to my work later. I've got to take her out for a walk. So I think I spent about an hour and a half. Of the four hours that I was meant to be working, walking, and then

I

about another two of them doing other stuff. Don't pull the cables. Doing other baby stuff. Um, and so yeah, I think I got a whole of like an hour and a half done for the whole afternoon. That's sort of about three hours. But it, eventually you fell asleep, and then I got to do some work at, But, yeah, it was very stressful, because those are the times that I'm talking about where I'm like, I'm meant to be doing something else, I need to do this stuff, and she's like, but I need your attention now! And I'm like, oh, I can't do both, fuck off!

fuck off

any projects like that on, while I'm on leave.

Skiddly up a pa! Sketch up! So, this week I mean, she's been finding her poos, hasn't she? Because of the teething.

Yeah.

and she did one poo, and I was like, okay, it didn't explode, it contained it, it got off quickly, it's all good, happy days. And then sort of like an hour later, she was like, ugh, again, and sort of pushed out another one, I was like, okay, and then she, ugh, pushed out another one, it really gets changed. Got on the changing mat, she looked like she'd finished, she was sort of smiling and relaxed. So then I started to clean her, and just as I was sort of like, about to pull the dirty nappy away, it just started like, pouring out of her arsehole, like a little poo fountain.

Really? Oh. Oh. Oh! So

Oh. and then it just kept ringing, I was like, no, because I'm worried it's going

Yeah, it's a little creased

battery? Yeah, so I was like, I sort of lifted her up while she was doing it, so make sure it flew away from her, so she doesn't get all up her back and stuff, because it was pretty full already.

Yeah, I know. Sometimes it looks like it's going to overfill because they're real, like, liquidy,

Yeah.

sloshy boobs. Um, I still have

but managed to somehow keep her baby grow clean.

Well done. Yeah. Sorry, I've got her set up into balance in a very weird way. I meant to put her arms through.

She's smiling, she's happy. Um, so yeah, I think that's probably my big poo story of the week, but generally the whole week I've sort of been waiting for Poonami. I feel like I'm like, I don't want to put anything white because I feel like it's coming. Well, the other day I was like, I really wanted to go to the shop. So I know as soon as I put in the bouncer, like the bouncer,

Look at Pooh.

poo poos, because that often that sort of movement

The jiggling. Shakespeare,

don't want to get halfway to Tesco's. And I'll be like, And I'll be like, Sometimes you don't notice when she's in that. We've kind of leaked through before, haven't we? I sort of just didn't go for the shots for that reason. I braved it to Lidl because it's much closer. In fact, I did brave it to Tesco. Um, so yeah. Been a sort of week of waiting for poos, isn't it?

Yeah, it has been a lot of like, Not daily.

Although tell, tell them about your poo, like the poo last night, it was quite impressive.

Uh, so last night, during all the teething and stuff like that, She, um, she finally got to sleep, and then she did a poo. You were still awake, so you heard her do it. And then you woke me to change her. And we managed to change her, while she was still asleep. Because we were really worried that she was going to wake up and not get enough sleep. She was in a, in a, because obviously we were doing teething and everything. Takes her a long time to get to sleep. So we managed to change her, and it was pretty much half in the dark, because we didn't put the lights on properly to try and keep her asleep. So we got a bit of shit on the changing that, but the bed, the bed's managed to stay clean, but we've changed her on the bed,

left her sleeping on the changing mat. So we sort of slid the changing mat in between us and the bed and then she just slept on the changing mat rather than risk taking it. Flopping off. Hi there! You know, she's actually doing that thing. Yeah. Hi! Hi! Um, so those are our poo stories from this week. But I think I was quite impressed with you, darling. Thank you.

tried.

I know. Um, and we used her sleep suit as a blanket that we've never used. We've used it like once or twice, that, her. Yeah. But she doesn't like being in stuff, does she?

Well, she also doesn't like sleeping on her own. It's good for if you actually, like, if you put them straight in a cot, it's quite a good one. We generally do that. Okay, so, do you want some stories? Okay, so we've got Tracy M. says, Little Girl, Big Diaper. I was hoping that you'd pay attention, just so that I could.

but I wanna make sure she doesn't start screaming, so,

stop. They're really short. So we'll do one, you interact. Okay, fine. Little Girl, Big Diaper by Tracy M. One morning, I changed my infant twin daughter's diaper, only to find out that I put her brother's size 5 diaper on her in the middle of the night. Oh no, that has leaked everywhere. Not really had that. Not really had that. Anyway, if there's one thing you can always count on, it's poop. This is by Kitty H. This is pretty shit.

Those aren't very funny stories, are they, if I'm

No, I'm sorry.

she's just stomping it and turning herself around. She's having a great time. Little bird. Let's go again. Lenses.

Yes, it is. Go again. Lindsay. When my kid was about one and a half years old, I let her run around sans diaper for just a few minutes while I surfed Facebook. After no more than three minutes, she crawled into my lap with a poop covered butt. While picking up the log from the floor, I happened to put my hand on the end table. It jiggled. And I heard something rattling around. Puzzled, because I thought the drawer was empty. I opened it.

It was

two petrified poop marbles. I have no idea how they got there. How long they had been there. Why she decided to stash poop in

I like it. Tidy. She's trying to be tidy.

tiny. You

Also, you know. To the untrained eye, a drawer is a bit like a potty.

Uh, here you go, this is, like, your, your shopping story. Amy. I was carrying my young baby around a supermarket in a ring sling, when suddenly I heard a characteristic splat

as I

sound as I was browsing the frozen aisle. Moments later, I felt the distinctly warm and wet.

There was a bright yellow poo,

all over her, the sling, and my clothes. When I woke up, I was working on the

Okay, so.

was a

This is from Andrea.

to be a bit

When I arrived home from work one evening, the scene I witnessed was from a horror film. My three year old daughter and my 18 month old son shared a bedroom. And while they were napping, my daughter decided that instead of

I'm going to

walking the 10 feet to the bathroom, she would drop Trow in the middle of the room, squat, and and poop on the carpet. Okay. in an effort to disguise her misdeed, she took all the expensive wooden building blocks and wooden educational toys and piled them on top of the poop. Nice. When my, when the little brother woke up from his nap, he crawled out of his toddler

toilet then. Oh

the pile of toys in the middle of

of the

When I arrived home, Both kids were in the tub, and my partner was scrubbing the poo out of my son's hair.

my head. Hair! Crikey! There's a wardrobe,

The bedroom walls, door, carpet, changing table, beds, toy box, hamper, and toys were all smeared with poop. As an added treat, some of the furniture was wicker,

wall.

the poop was stuck in the cracks. I pitched the toys, scrubbed down the walls, took a toothbrush to the wicker, and shampooed the carpets. Then we poured ourselves a very stiff drink.

can imagine. Alright guys. That's disgusting. And that's us signing off. Cheerio! Bye!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

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